How Can I Help?: Stories and Reflections on Service by Ram Dass

How Can I Help?: Stories and Reflections on Service Reviews

• 
  Kate Standiford

  As a student in the field of therapy and counseling, the requirement to read this book was one of the most enjoyable that I have been asked to meet in the last 12 months. This book, written in several long chapters, but broken up into short testimonies from professionals was an easy, enjoyable, and intellectual read.
  
  I found myself frequently book marking phrases and passages because of how closely they resembled my own thoughts, fears, reservations, and passions in regards to mental health services. Many of the passages are encouraging, some empowering, and others heart-breaking in their ability to pin point the thoughts that I held in my own mind and opinion that I would have never believed another professional was thinking or feeling.
  
  This book is a comfort to those who are struggling with the profession because of burnout or confusion.
  
  This book is a testament to the complexities that professional counselors have to face in the field of public service.
  
  This book is a valuable resource and a reminder of personal strength that professional mental health providers must have in order to face the struggling and suffering of their clients.
  
  It is a must have book that should adorn the shelves of every practitioner.
• 
  Litbitch

  This was exactly what I needed this year, and this month. I'm drawn to service (equally?) by guilt and compassion, and it can be an overwhelming combination, and the former often gets in the way of the latter, but in a way I find hard to articulate. This book gets it. I'm a huge fan of Ram Dass, though I wasn't a huge fan of Be Here Now, particularly the format, which was too weird and hard to read and reminded me some of the bullshit hippy-dippy stuff I grew up around, although the narrative and message were aligned with what I believe to be true and important.
  
  This book is far more accessible to, and clearly crafted for, the general public. The influence of Eastern religion is easy to find, but you don't have to buy into any of it to benefit from the stories and ideas here. And it's chock full of stories - heartbreaking and heartwarming and sad and funny and enlightening stories gathered from people of many different faiths and non-faiths, performing all kinds of service. I think it pretty clearly demonstrates how your own insecurities, agenda, ego, ambitions, and fears can get in the way of helping others, even to the point that if you're not open to change, you might be better off not helping at all.
  
  A lot of folks take issue with, even mock, the idea that you can best serve the world by working on yourself. I understand the disdain, and I think some spiritual seekers get so lost in or attached to (ahem) the soul searching that they never get beyond it and have very little positive impact in the world. But I think How Can I Help does show the harm that can be done if you approach service as a duty or an endowment rather than a shared experience among different manifestations of the same complex life form, the same consciousness. If we are all actually one, then there's no such thing as helping someone else, someone Other. We're always caring for ourselves. It's difficult to fully get to that point, but it seems wise, if we are going out in the world, to carry that awareness of our interconnectedness, and a boatload of humility and respect for the integrity of the people we reach out to.
  
  As I said, I am feeling a lot of confusion and fatigue in my own desire to help these days, and this allowed me some breathing room and perspective that has helped.
• 
  ashli

  I chose to read this book in search of understanding my role as a nurse and how to deal with the burnout I’m feeling only 6 years into my profession. Almost every shift for the past 1.5 years I wish I wasn’t at work and find myself sick of “helping” people who won’t get better and planning a way out of nursing that won’t leave me in debt.
  
  This book spoke directly to me the entire time. My identification with the role of helper and viewing patients as those who need help is the problem- it is so toxic the way I view myself as separate that I am now just doing a job that HAS to be done so I can get paid. There is an entire chapter called Burnout. I highlighted the crap out of this book and I meditated every day (I dragged this book out for a month so as to make sure I reeeeeally absorbed ram dass’s teachings) and I am so inspired to continue this path and WAKE UP.
  
  What really hit me was a story in the book that describes a woman being caretaker for her mother. The woman puts so much energy into the care yet found herself fighting and bickering with her mother more than ever. During one fight, her mom asked, “why are you doing all this?” And that’s when it hit me- I asked myself the same question and realized that my answers have changed since I started nursing. In the beginning, I’d always wanted to help others genuinely. Now after being burned out and so caught up in my ego- my “why” is so selfish and arrogant!
  
  Thank you Ram Dass for helping me awaken and begin to work out of this burnout which I didn’t think was possible.
• 
  Blaine Snow

  Simply one of the most important messages to human beings ever penned. The title says it all. Service. Helping others. Selflessness. What else needs to be said?
• 
  Raleigh A

  This book was especially difficult for me to get through, for how out-there much of its content seems at first. However, a few chapters in it started to click much more with me for some reason or another and I began to feel a greater sense of profoundness for some of the messages that the book has to give regarding helpers and the helping professions. At some point in the hopefully not-too-distant future I'd like to go back and give it a reread to determine if I can draw that same sense of profoundness from more of the book than I did in my first read through and thus give it a better rating but for now I can only say that it was alright, as a whole.
• 
  Joell

  the most accessible Ram Dass I've read so far. Timing is everything and this book came across my reading at just the right time. We get reminded that being human is a messy, confusing and paradoxical state - when we think of ourselves as "separate" we are doomed to loneliness and suffering. When we see ourselves in others and become "we" suffering automatically lessens and we are reminded that this is true help. The book challenges you to question how and why you feel compelled to help - the answer might be a lot more selfish than you think - and instead think about connecting to the one suffering so that help is not exhausting or de-humanizing to the other. The parables and stories that pepper the narrative further illustrate how compassion and pity are not the same thing and that the line between helper and helped is fuzzy at best.
• 
  Michaela

  This book is useful for those whose rearing imbued them with the middle class concept of the charity hierarchy: to help "others," we first engage in othering. Ram Dass, like Alan Watts or Pema Chodron, can help us see things in a new perspective. My favorite vignette was the one from the soldier with the gun that the flower child put the daisy in: he said the daisy girl turned him off because she was self-righteous and not actually trying to connect; but he joined Veterans for Peace when he started visiting an activity center they provided for US soldiers in Vietnam. He said he and many other soldiers chose not to shoot when forced to march against the inhabitants because of the relationships he built there. A vital parable for our angry times.
• 
  Kate

  This is a sweet, simple book that was fodder for more than a few sermons in my preaching days. Ram is the real deal. A wonderful book to turn to if you've had a bad day. Like an eastern version of Henri Nouwen.
• 
  Aaron

  Wonderfully helpful to anyone in any field of service or anyone that just wants to re-kindle the love they have for the world that is so smothered by our preconceptions: How much can I help? Am I strong enough? I couldn't do much, etc.
• 
  Vanessa

  i noticed the bold orange spine and the name Ram Dass on one of the bookshelves at our counseling clinic, and as the weight of compassion fatigue and confusion/helplessness fatigue has been bearing down on me in my role as a school therapist, i decided to take it and read it mostly that night. it was a comfort and reassurance to read that there is no comfort or reassurance in this work of "helping," and to just have that clarity of transmission through the writing...of what is real and what is conditioned. a nice reminder. the book wants to challenge as much as possible any role we might settle into as the "helper" helping the "other" when the roles fall away there is just "helping" an energy that is there and moving back and forth dynamically. i have caught myself becoming over-involved and over-identified as the helper, whose job it is to help, rather than just being with someone, however they are showing up, without my own agenda without needing to know i've done a "good" job as if that is a thing. I have caught myself obsessing and worrying about clients and trying to "solve" them like a problem. i have caught myself feeling burnout and exhaustion, so this book was a small help. the critique is mainly of the chapter on social action, which preaches that people not be so offended and see from the other perspective to work towards mutual understanding. in theory, yes, tho, too often that places the burden on the most victimized and marginalized and attacked in our culture to set aside real fears and threats in order to help the privileged among us to feel good and get along.
  
  "When suffering is at stake and we've offered ourselves to its relief, we naturally have an interest in how situations evolve. But sometimes this compulsive need to know leads us to doubt because we have a hard time coming to terms with the essential ambiguity of helping.
  Paradoxical and elusive, service is ultimately a journey into the unknown. Did we really help? Help at what level? We often can't find the answers. And we don't know what to do with that. So we wonder, worry, turn off, give up....or just struggle bravely on, puzzled and burdened, wearing down. See the helper? . . . He's the hard-working one over there . . . the one with the constant frown.
  At some level this challenge is very plain. We can either be frustrated and worn out by uncertainty and doubt or try to find a way to open to the ambiguity, embrace it, work with it, be moved and inspired by it. . .and thereby come closer to the very heart of service where true freedom is found." (202)
  
  Institutions are formalized mind-sets. These too can be witnessed. To become aware of those sets but see right through them from outside is the most reliable way not to get stuck or burned out by them. We master the rules, but we don't let them ultimately define us or narrow our field of perception. We encompass the craziness of the situation, so we can be skillful within it or playful when there's nothing to do but ride through the contradictions. Then we share a sense of the absurd with whoever else is inclined to see it that way...If we are serious in our criticism of the practices and habits of helping organizations, however, we've got to be light and free, and sufficiently above it all to see where we can untangle the knots and bring about change.
  As frustrating and wearing as these situations can be, part of our service may entail taking some responsibility for them. The institutions we work in are going to reflect the sum total of consciousness investing in them at every moment. So it's "Our" problem. If it's "Us" who created it, it's probably going to have to be "Us" who'll shake it free.
  Or maybe not. We can never be sure. We'll watch. Maybe it's not the right place to be putting our energies now. Maybe the inertia of the system is too great, its effect too strangling. Maybe we just need a break, some breathing space, a walk in the woods for some renewed inspiration. Maybe we're just tired. It's always right to be watching for that, always right to care for ourselves when we're seeking to care for others.
  So perhaps quit, not knowing where to go next, but trusting that the right vehicle to express our desire to serve will appear elsewhere, later." (198)
• 
  Marco Loya

  Not what I expected but I’m not disappointed. I honestly read this to get ideas on great things to do with my life with which I could help other people. But instead, I learned important lessons on listening and being present to be able to really help. And this applies mostly to daily stuff.
  
  So it’s one of those books that I’m sure will change my life. However, I did felt that something is missing, probably my first expectation. And I think it got repetitive at some points. So I would give it 4 starts but I think the book suggest ideas that could really change our society for the better if everyone had access to them. Plus, it’s already making an impact in my relationships. So 5 stars.
• 
  Marco

  I'm a sucker for this type of read so my 5 stars say more about me than about the book.
  
  Anyway the book goes like this: testimonies from people who lived remarkable experiences in the act of helping followed by the authors' reflection on the subject. I got the audio version and boy talk about an appropriate man for the job! It was as if a deity was reading his inspired words of wisdom to me.
  
  Bottom line: helping is beautiful, but it ain't easy. This is a point worth repeating: helping ain't easy.
  
  But then, it's worth it.
  
  
• 
  Jonah Kirkham

  I found this book to be very interesting and helpful for anyone over the age of 14 because it is a little boring. The first couple of chapters focus on how to better understand yourself. Throughout the novel, some stories inspire me. The authors perspective was super interesting and made it somewhat interesting to read. Personally, I would give it 3/5 stars and would recommend it for people that want to help others and help better your personality.
• 
  Melissa

  I enjoyed this book. Was it a favorite? No. Was it useful? Yes. It's a simple book that address some complex issues within the helping realm.
  
  There are a handful of topics addressed in the book that do make you think deeply, evaluate your own motives and unconscious habit reactions. I found that valuable.
• 
  Helen Downie

  It’s hard to put into words how great of a companion this book has been. I just finished, and told myself I need to read this again. Initially, I would have recommended this read to anyone in a helping profession, and soon realized how we can all fit into the timeless question, how can I help?
• 
  Elena

  A really lovely look into helping, both ourselves and others, and the deeper meaning and resonances of the soul this leads to. I am inspired to act in service with a refreshing new lens and to view that journey as a more sustainable lifelong effort.
• 
  Minahil

  A timeless spiritual classic that deep dives into service and community, a topic I find rarely. Some of the language is outdated for example the use of the R-word but other than that this book holds up beautifully.
• 
  Timur Muedinov

  This book is for someone who sees him/her self as a person that helps others whether it is occupation or just being human.
  
  Well written, full of incredible stories that raise not only your awareness of what people go through but also your compassion towards everybody.
• 
  Marygrace Conte

  This book helped me become more aware of myself and the power I have, and that we all have. These acts listed, simple or complicated, human or animal, made me feel mentally full and ready to do more.
• 
  Paul Stansbury

  What a great read covering a range of issues. Another novel that has taken me a year or so to finish. Highly recommend, slow to read because there are a lot of heavy scenarios that resonate and reading the analysis of how to interpret what is a "good" course of action.
• 
  Tracy Laveque

  An important perspective for anyone in the helping professions, whether vocational or volunteer. It takes a great deal of inner work to be of true service to others.
• 
  Hollis Fishelson-holstine

  interesting but not quite my cup of tea
• 
  Chris Webber

  Love the concept and the inspiration. Vignette stories, however, are not my favorite method to ingest the information.
• 
  Lukas Damgaard

  This book touches my heart. I listened to this as audiobook, and felt more awake and alert whilst bicycling around. Very beautiful book, reminding me of my path.