Everything I Never Wanted to Be: A Memoir of Alcoholism and Addiction, Faith and Family, Hope and Humor by Dina Kucera

Everything I Never Wanted to Be: A Memoir of Alcoholism and Addiction, Faith and Family, Hope and Humor Reviews

• 
  Jenny

  When this book came up for review my first thought was: Oh yes, another family dealing with addiction. Been there, done that. But as I had nothing better to do, I went along to,
  www.everythinginever.com and read an excerpt. I was hooked. So what makes this memoir so special? As with fiction, it’s all about voice: the fairy dust that brings words to life, gives them a heartbeat. Dina has a voice many authors would cheerfully give a limb for, and what’s truly amazing is I don’t think she has any idea she possesses such a gift.
  
  Time to meet the Kucera clan:
  
  Recovering alcoholic and pill popper, Dina lives in Phoenix with husband John (also a recovering addict—who has a life-threatening heart condition thrown in for good measure), an infirm mother who sees things that aren’t there, and at various times one or more of her three grown daughters, all of whom have addictions and various other issues. Add to this her less than glorious job at the local supermarket and what you get is a family dynamic that falls somewhere between, Malcolm in the Middle and Cops.
  
  ‘My customer counts out ninety-six cents in change. “Can I get rid of this?” Of course you can. The express lane is the perfect place to unload your enormous pile of change.’
  
  Without a doubt, the Kucera family is a family in crisis. Sadly, the crisis—or rather, crises—aren’t anything unusual by today’s standards; after all, the world is filled with dysfunctional families. What is unusual is how this family’s matriarch has not only come to live with crisis, but bulldoze through it when so many others would have dropped the can and bolted years ago. The reason I single Dina out is that I believe this family would cease to exist without her at its head keeping it together on a daily basis.
  
  ‘My house is like living with the circus. All we need is a midget and a bearded-lady. Well, all we need is a midget.’
  
  One of six children—five of whom became addicted to something that wasn’t good for them—Dina had a bohemian childhood living in a commune of sorts in Albuquerque New Mexico. As a child she was plagued with anxiety and a host of irrational fears even though there was plenty of genuine danger dogging her life. Her schooling ended with ninth grade and from there it was pretty much all downhill.
  
  ‘When I was about nine, my siblings and I fell out of a moving van at an intersection. My dad didn’t notice for about five blocks.’
  
  But don’t think for one minute this is a tale to inspire pity. Far from it. Neither does Dina come across as a victim. She tells her story with matter of factness and humour, imparting wisdom and insights along the way. This wisdom has come at a huge price and she doesn’t underestimate its value. Her story, this getting of wisdom, is about what it means to be human, and what it means to survive despite the odds.
  
  By far the most difficult passages to read in Dina’s story are those concerning her youngest daughter, Carly’s battle with drugs. The title of this book comes from a poem written by Carly at age sixteen:
  
  ‘I have decided that when I get caught doing something by the police I will kill myself right away.
  I have destroyed my family.
  I have become everything I never wanted to be.’
  
  Everything I Never Wanted to Be will tie your heart in knots, it will have you howling in frustration and it will make you laugh out loud. This story is for everyone, not just for those plagued by addiction. In fact, those with the least experience with this disease will have the most to gain. I use the word, ‘disease’ in the singular case here because whatever the addiction it’s all the same beast. Addiction is addiction whether it be to alcohol, heroin. or green M&Ms. Addiction is the engine that drives the behaviour. The only real difference between one and other is how fast it’ll kill you. I strongly urge everyone to read Dina’s story. For parents in particular, this should be compulsory reading. This book has the power to change lives.
  
• 
  Jessica

  To say that this book was a difficult read would be a complete lie. Although the content of Dina Kucera's book can sometimes be a bit rough, it is written so perfectly that I honestly couldn't put it down. She has found the perfect recipe for this memoir. A healthy dose of hope, a pinch of religion, and a heaping helping of humor. Combined, these create an unforgettable journey for the reader.
  
  What struck me most about Everything I Never Wanted to Be was the brutal honesty that is within these pages. Kucera pours her memories onto the page, bearing her soul for the reader. I'll admit that at times it was a bit overwhelming and I was in tears. I kept wondering how one person could go through so much pain and anger in their lifetime. However the one message that kept shining through was hope. No matter what else happens, you have to have that hope or you'll drown under the sadness. I think even those of us who aren't going through supporting an ailing loved one can appreciate this message.
  
  It was the humor in this book that really helped me make it through though. Despite everything that she had been through, Kucera always seemed to find some sort of humor in the smaller things to help her get by. My favorite part was at the very beginning, when she describes a normal day out with her three daughters. As they each bicker and moan in their own illness motivated ways, I had to laugh. It wasn't that it was funny that they were arguing, but more that we all know that happens in life. You just have to appreciate the time together and move on. It was a wake up call to me, reminding me that you can choose to take the good or the bad away with you from any situation. Dina Kucera asks us, why not make an effort to choose the good?
  
  This story is about the wisdom that comes through hardship, about beating the odds when it seems impossible. It is the type of story that has the opportunity to change lives. I can't even put into words what reading this book meant to me. I only hope more people out there, parents especially, take the time to read it.
• 
  Athira (Reading on a Rainy Day)

  How often do you complain that you wish life was better? I've thought it every time I get stuck in the doldrums, but I know that it's just a minor blip. What if your whole life is one big never-ending blip? What if you wake up every day only to find that the nightmare of last night is not really over? That pretty much sums up the sentiment expressed in Dina Kucera's memoir, Everything I Never Wanted to be. When I first received this title, I was expecting a depressing read about a family's battle with alcoholism and drug addiction. It doesn't help that the cover conveyed the same impression.
  
  I couldn't have been more wrong.
  
  Dina Kucera's life is a mess. I don't think she will mind that I wrote that, because she uses more intense words in the 204 page memoir. When I say mess, I mean, she was an alcoholic, though sober for a few years now. Her husband was a pot-addict, also sober for a few years now. Her mother has Parkinson's, her grandmother was addicted to Xanax. Her three daughters are fighting off various additions - the eldest, Jennifer is both an alcoholic and a drug-addict; her second, April entertained neither until a life trauma sent her to alcohol for relief; the third, Carly, was a heroin addict at age 13. In addition, Dina's grandson, Moses, has cerebral palsy.
  
  Does that sound like a family you would see on greeting card websites or as a success story poster for any kind of organization? I was shocked to read the vices that plagued this family. Carly's drug addiction tore me the most. She used meth to get off heroin and heroin to get off meth. No matter how many rehabs she went to, she kept returning to the drugs. Being a very anti-drug person, it took me some time to understand Carly's obsession. Dina shares with us four letters that Carly wrote. She starts with a letter in which sixteen-year old Carly expresses her desire to die. By the time, we read Carly's third letter, which she wrote at the age of six, the reader is well-versed in Carly's addiction. The innocence of the third letter made me very sad. How did such a girl go to full-blown addiction by the time she was thirteen?
  
  Dina writes her memoir in a tone typical of stand-up comedians. I don't watch many stand-up comedies, I find my grey cells process jokes too slow. As a result, it took me about 50 pages to "accept" Dina's style of writing. It was definitely easy prose, in fact, a very engaging one. After page 50, I found that I didn't want to put the book down at all. But until then, I found her sarcasm too cruel, whether it was directed at herself or her extended family, or her own mom or her husband's twin. It was just her way of narrating the darkness in her life. It was her therapy. Towards the end, she explains that in a life as messed up as her own, humor's the only way she can get through her day. And when you turn page after page and get a feel that her nightmare doesn't seem to near a possible end at all, you understand. Humor becomes your means to navigate through pile after pile of horrors.
  
  That doesn't mean I agreed with her at all times. The author frequently says that no one "gets" it, that only someone who has been through what she has will actually understand her hardships. She rants against the rich people, the other parents (whose children don't do drugs), and anyone who's not a parent. All such people in Dina's life have either offered her unhelpful advice or turned their noses up at her. Hard and traumatic as those experiences have been to her, I feel that generalization is a very dangerous tool. It's the one thing that creates so much bias in the world today. And since I am not a parent myself, I felt offended many times, reading those passages. I'm not even going to begin narrating the what-would-I-do's, I know fully well that many times I've done the opposite of what I've proclaimed. But I don't believe that not being in a situation makes you any less empathetic than you are.
  
  Dina Kucera clearly has a lot of regrets. She has even listed out the terrible mistakes she made as a parent - the kind of mistakes that anyone would go aghast at. But her boldness in admitting them and her intense wish that she could go back and change them feel very honest. Despite my disagreements with her, towards the end, I was rooting so much for her and wishing that the nastier aspects at least mellowed down. For all her mistakes, I think she is one incredible woman for trying to do all she can for her family - even iron out their problems. And did I mention her husband? Although he isn't mentioned too much in this book, I have to say I loved this guy for all he did for his family too. In the end, although the elements explored in this book are tragic, this book is definitely not a depressing read. Instead, what you get is a tremendous amount of hope. Dina writes a very uplifting story amidst and about all the ruins around her. I could take a writing class from her. In addition, it is also a powerful call for help of the drug-addicted teens, who need help not prison to help knock off their habits.
• 
  Kim Hornsby

  I stumbled across this memoir by accident and read the entire thing in two nights. OH MY GOD! Like a car wreck, you cannot look away from the tragedy while, at the same time, your heart hurts for the family involved. Dina, John, The Girls, The Mom, The Brother in Law --it's a cast of characters that at first seems suspiciously too colorful, too quirky, but as the real story comes out, the truth is told. The author has been given more than her share of challenges and, as a comedienne, she gives us a crazy-ass humorous take on the horrific situations. Her way of coping. But don't be deceived. This is a painful, raw tale of one family's struggle with addiction on all levels. The author's voice is self depreciating, highly humorous and achingly honest, giving a fresh take to the other memoirs out there on the journey back from addiction hell. I laughed out loud many times.
  Aside from having us at hello, Kucera writes with a gutsy clarity that isn't often seen in memoirs. The reader is treated to a visit not only inside the family house of horrors but inside the deepest parts of the author's heart. After reading this memoir, I sat my teenager down to tell him about Kucera's girls in hope that he will never get on that road to addiction. This account is one woman's nightmare, every mother's biggest fear, and a must read for anyone heading to rehab, coming out of rehab or thinking of rehab. Or anyone else who enjoys a good book. I highly recommend this memoir to mothers especially. It'll make you hug your children.
• 
  The Sunday Book Review

  Dear Dina Kucern -
  
  I have read two types of memoirs in my past. Those that are serious to a fault and those that try to make everything a joke. You have found a way to successfully wed those together in a way that is honest and real. The experiences that you and your daughters have been through, blew me away, but what made a bigger impact was your no holds barred retelling.
  
  I never got the sense that even though you made mistakes in your life, you try to cover them up or blame others for them. You claimed your mistakes and learned from them. You accepted that everything you did made you who you (and your daughters) are.
  
  We hear often about drug and alcohol addiction lately. With this book, I think you have made the readers listen to the highs and lows of not only being an addict, but being the parent of an addict. You have reminded us all that those we call the dredge of society have parents and loved ones that remember them for who they used to be and are longing for those times back.
  
  I had a great time reading this book. The comedic reliefs you inserted in there had me rolling. For the most part, they are things I have thought myself (a customer paying for something costing 96 cents in change!!).
  
  I commend you for your hard work and struggles you endured to make your children's lives the best they could be.
  
  Melissa
  
  Overall = A-
• 
  Charline Ratcliff

  Where to start? “Everything I Never Wanted To Be” is a brutally open and honest look into the heart of a family beset by drug and alcohol abuse. And, as if that’s not enough to cause one major stress, add caring for an elderly mother with Parkinson’s disease and a grandson with Cerebral Palsy, and working as a checker at a grocery store. Amazingly enough though this family somehow manages to retain a fierce love for one another.
  
  “Everything I Never Wanted To Be” chronicles the life of author Dina Kucera. She shares with us her ups and downs, her fears, her failures, and her triumphs. She shows us she’s human. I respect what she has been through and I commend her for doing whatever it took, and takes, to help herself and her family. As an aside, I don’t feel Kucera needs to use her education, or lack thereof, in an attempt to show the world that her book is different; that she is different. Her writing does that for her. Her heart, soul, and humor shine forth from the book’s pages and THAT is what will make a lasting impression to those who read her memoir.
  
  I also applaud Kucera for not allowing the sad, horrific or overwhelming experiences to keep her down and I like the way she uses humor as an outlet. Even though “Everything I Never Wanted To Be” is a true story there were still quite a few times I actually laughed aloud as I read. I’ve worked as a grocery store cashier. I can empathize with many of her job related experiences, inane customer comments and conversations.
  
  All in all I found “Everything I Never Wanted To Be” to be very well-written and informative. Kucera has a way with words and she shows us a different perspective of drug and/or alcohol dependency. Nowadays we hear about drug use and alcoholism on almost daily basis. The common belief seems to be that if we paid more attention to the people in our community we could stop them before they became addicted to substances which ultimately set them on a path of destruction. If we did this we could save them from themselves. What I take away from this memoir is that it’s just not that simple. Not that cut and dried. What I understand from this book is that the chemical makeup of an addict requires something their body didn’t provide in order for them to feel the way we “normal” people do. They may need something just to be able to enjoy the feel of the sun on their face or the wind in their hair. Things that most of us take for granted. They may not even know it themselves but then one day someone offers them something and all of a sudden the world makes sense and they finally feel “normal.” Who wouldn’t want that? I also know there is a lot of criticism directed at people with dependency issues. My feelings are that unless we have personally experienced it I think we should provide empathy and help versus disdain and judgments.
  
  Lastly, a note to the author… Maybe it took becoming everything you never wanted to be in order to become everything you wanted or needed to be… Divine Order and all that. ;)
  
  (Reviewed in association with Rebecca's Reads).
• 
  Nenette

  It is difficult even to imagine going through what Dina had; actually she is still on her toes, praying there won't be another episode, another relapse. This is a story about a mother's love, about strength and faith that we don't know we have.
  
  God really knows how to assign trials and burdens. He knows Dina to be a strong woman. Dina disagreed; she sees herself as a funny woman, but not as someone with enough strength to deal with all that life threw her way. But all-knowing as God is, He was right of course. Dina drew her strength from her comical outlook. One broken piece at a time, she plowed through and picked up her life, even though it seemed that the setbacks and dark times were far more than the days when the sun shone bright.
  
  Dina bared her life in this book, with sincerity. Her being a stand up comic shows in her writing style. It was like listening to her, while she's up on stage, weaving humor into her sorry life. ThIs style definitely made for "light" reading, but the audience couldn't laugh out loud, because they can see behind the jokes. How would one expect her life to turn out if alcoholism runs in the family? How does one deal with three daughters who are alcoholics or drug addicts? Throw in an aged, sick mother, a husband who's recovering from a heart attack, a job that sucks but is the only way to get health insurance.
  
  Reading Dina's story, one can easily pass judgment, utter a string of she-should-have's. But really, can just anyone understand enough? Not the police officer, not the doctors, not regular parents; but the mother or the father of an alcoholic or an addict, their families, who has to live with them and love them everyday. Only they truly understand.
  
  Dina probably knew she will attract scrutiny when she published this story. Very likely, but not from me ma'am. I only have admiration for you.
  
  I have marked a lot of passages in this book: the positives, the negatives, and the funnies. I'll wrap up this review with one of the funnies, taken from a prayer by Dina to God: "But one thing. Please, God, help John's tooth feel better until we have health insurance. I'm not saying you made a mistake, but what is the purpose of wisdom teeth? We have to pay large sums of money to have them removed. They're like tonsils. It's like you put a whole person together and had parts left over and said, 'Just put them in the mouth somewhere'."
• 
  Apzmarshl

  Dina's life is a nightmare. I'm sure she wouldn't take offense that I said that considering she has had to use drugs an alcohol to soothe the massive, mind blowing pain. She is a stand up comedian, writer, former cashier and newspaper deliverer, ninth grade drop out, at one time pregnant teen.
  Dina is an addict. Dina's daughters are drug addicts that suffer from multiple mental illnesses. Her mother is elderly and ill and living with Dina. Her husband is an addict. Her grandson has cerebral palsy and doesn't speak. She worked a job for years that sapped what life was in her...totally out of her. There were times when all she could do to get through the day was know that by 7:30 pm she could take a pill and lay in her bed. Some how I had in my head that people leading lives like this have no self awareness and think it's great. (Ok, I still think that about most of the people I know that are living this lifestyle.) But despite her ninth grade education, she is well spoken and entirely self aware. She made me laugh. She made me cry. She made me understand how the drugs and alcohol were so....necessary. I mean, I totally empathized. I sort of even wondered why I didn't use!
  Throughout this whole life of sizzling, searing pain, Dina has a fantastic relationship with God. Even when attending a religious sect, she is bright enough to know that she needs to take what she needs and what works for her and let the rest go. She bears testimony, if you want to call it that, of the mercy God has shown her. She was lucid enough to be able to recognize that He heard her and answered her. Frnakly I find that incredible for a person not on drugs.....so Dina kinda rocks it. I know nothing about her beyond what she wrote in the book, but I HOPE her life has taken a turn for the best.
  I rate 4.5 stars. The F word is something I just don't love. I get that she's an addict and has a multitude of serious problems but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy effing every f word.
• 
  TinaB

  In this open-hearted no holding back memoir, Dina Kucera shares her battles with alcoholism and drug addiction. Not only is Dina fighting her own demons but trying to battle those of her children and family as well. She has three daughters, ranging from 28 to 14 who all have severe problems. From mental disorders like ADD and OCD, to severe drug abuse on crystal meth and heroin.
  
  Reading through Dina’s story made me stop and think about myself and how I view people with severe addictions, had this been a fiction novel I would have ripped the mothers character to shreds. I have a very hard time dealing with parents who use drugs and alcohol and neglect their kids, worse when those habits transfer to their kids. I would have stated all the things she should have done and all the things she could do. Funny thing about life though, you never know how your going to handle things until there presented to you. For me this was eye-opening, it was sad to learn people really live like this and sometimes no matter how hard they try there's no help, all the doors have been slammed shut and everyone looks the other way. It makes me want to open a free rehab center for teens and parents who have no money but are desperate to get clean. It makes me want to reach out and offer help to the drug addict in my family, most importantly though I think it really helped me see Dina's side of the argument, see the gray that's often overlooked between the black and the white.....(read full review at blog)
  
  
  
  
  
• 
  Debbie "DJ"

  This book touched my heart in a way few books do. It is a true story, filled with laugh out loud humor, of the deadly disease of addiction. While it is hard to believe that such a topic can be told with humor without sounding trite, this book pulled it off completely. The heartache of addiction is not downplayed and the seriousness is conveyed. Yet, the author is a born comedic whose talent not only at writing but also as a comedian is astounding. I would buy a million copies of this book just to support such a special person.
• 
  Zoë Danielle

  Everything I Never Wanted To Be by Dina Kucera is a memoir which is not done justice because to say it is a story of one family's battle with alcoholism and drug addiction, three generations of addicts, fails to capture the most powerful aspect of Everything I Never Wanted To Be which is Kucera's voice. Kucera herself was an alcoholic and pill addict for most of her three daughter's lives, and each of them has struggled with addiction in turn. Her youngest daughter Carly became a heroin addict at only fourteen and has been in and out of rehab since. Kucera's household also includes her mother who suffers from Parkinson's Disease and her grandson with cerebral palsy. Throughout the memoir Kucera struggles to support them all, working as a grocery store clerk despite having dreams of being a stand-up comic and writer. Even while telling a story filled with tragedy Kucera somehow manages to keep her sense of humour.
  
  Everything I Never Wanted To Be is not a polished book- it is raw and gutsy and brutally honest. Kucera's words sear an imprint on the reader which will not be soon forgotten. It is a book which leaves a mark, managing to stand out despite the popularity of the basic premise. There were particular portions of the memoir which were absolutely breath-taking, specifically a description of what life is like for an addict and how drugs are able to quiet the noise in her brain. Even through the humour though, there is something absolutely heart-breaking about Kucera's story. In an example pulled from her author's bio but which also appears in the novel Kucera writes about how she has never won anything:
  
  When it comes to awards and recognition, she was once nominated for a Girl Scout sugar cookie award, but she never actually received the award because her father decided to stop at a bar instead of going to the award ceremony. Dina waited on the curb outside the bar, repeatedly saying to panhandlers, “Sorry. I don’t have any money. I’m seven.”
  
  Kucera's memoir provides an informative and well-written look into life in a family of addicts and the terrible cycle that occurs as one generation gives rise to another with even worse addictions. With three daughters in various stages of recovery/relapse from various addictions, Kucera has experienced firsthand what can happen when a parent is unable to stay clean: it is what occurred to her afterall. She isn't afraid to hold herself responsible for her own role in her daughters' struggles, but at the same time she has finally accepted that recovery is an individual decision which every person has to make for themselves. It is a tragic yet powerful message which will ring true to anyone who has dealt with the consequences of addiction first hand, but it is also insightful for those who have not. Everything I Never Wanted To Be is a memoir filled with hope and tragedy, it is a story about succumbing to as well as beating the odds; ultimately it is a candid and extremely memorable look into the lives of one family and the adversity they have faced. ****
• 
  Jael

  Family, you love them no matter what, in good times and in bad. But what happens when they push you to the breaking point? Do you let it eat at you? Or would you find a way to cope? At one point for Dina Kucera, author of Everything I Never Wanted to be, it was a return to bad habits. The stress of coming from a family of addicts, including her children, led Kucera to start popping pills after years of sobriety from alcohol. But Kucera found a way out of the abyss with a career as a writer and ... as a comedian. Yes, even laughter has a way of healing.
  
  For most families it's about living the dream. A mom, a dad, 2.2 kids, a house in the suburbs and nice dinners at the table. For Kucera that scenario is not the norm. Her normal was a thankless job as a cashier at a grocery store, a husband who lost his job, a brother-in-law who watches far too much TV, alcoholic parents and three daughters who struggle with alcohol and drug addiction. Oldest daughter Jennifer is a gay, alcoholic, hypochondriac -- every week she has some new disease. Middle child April is an alcoholic with relationship issues.
  
  But all of that is tame when it comes to Kucera's youngest daughter Carly. There is no time to take a breath, as Kucera's life becomes consumed with Carly's addiction to meth and heroin.
  
  "Food is not something I feel passionate about, so I don't prepare food in my house for my family to enjoy. I am merely trying to keep them alive."
  
  Carly goes in and out of rehabs. Detoxing at home works for a little while, but then the cycle begins again, including judgments from others. To hear Kucera tell it, the state of Arizona isn't equipped to handle teenage addicts., all they know is how to treat adults. A funny exchange with Kucera and a caseworker cemented this for me. Said caseworker Lenny thinks "mirroring" (A.K.A repeating everything that is said) will work instead of actual therapy. After all a teenager shouldn't be capable of such adult behavior, so why bother to really treat them? I thought Kucera was going to throttle the young man, but she resisted.
  
  Dina Kucera is very blunt with her past. There is no sugarcoating in this story. It will make you appreciate what you have. Despite hitting bottom, Kucera found a way to get back up. How many times can your children disappoint you? She never gave up on her children, although there were several moments when I thought she would. Her strength and resolve really come through. No matter how bad it gets, we all have the power to make our situations better.
  
  
  Rating: Superb
  
  Notes: I received the book as part of a blog tour with Pump up Your Book (
  http://www.pumpupyourbook.com/). For more information on author Dina Kucera visit:
  http://everythinginever.com/
• 
  Courtney Burns

  A really unusual memoir of addiction, by the child of an addict, who was an addict herself, who has raised three addicts. Surprisingly funny, touchingly human. Makes you feel like not only you can get through your day, but also that you should probably stop whining about it.
• 
  Angela

  I loved this book it was a very true life story of a woman who was surrounded by addiction it was very surreal toto my own life. A good read for sure
• 
  Janie Hickok Siess

  Synopsis:
  
  Dina Kucera is a stand-up comic. Reading a synopsis of her memoir, Everything I Never Wanted to Be, might make you wonder what she could possibly find funny about her life or her family’s problems and, therefore, where she gets material for her act. But the message of Everything I Never Wanted to Be is, in Kucera’s own words, that “with love and hope, anything is possible. It’s not easy … but possible.”
  
  Kucera was raised in abject poverty in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She wanted to escape school, so made a deal with her science teacher. If she collected 50 bugs and displayed them on a poster board, the teacher agreed to give her a “D.” With straight “D’s,” she “graduated” from the ninth grade. Before long, she was pregnant with her first child, Jennifer. She lived with her parents and drove their van, delivering newspapers. Soon she was also joined by second daughter, April, as she completed her daily newspaper route.
  
  She has also worked as a maid, bartender, waitress, and spent ten long, miserable years employed as a grocery store checker, primarily because the job provided stability for her family, as well as much-needed health insurance. With her second husband, John, to whom she has been married for twenty years, she had her youngest daughter, Carly. They all live in Phoenix, Arizona. Kucera cares not only for her mother, who has Parkinson’s disease and dementia, but April’s son, Moses, who has cerebral palsy.
  
  Kucera is a recovering alcoholic. She has also battled her affinity for painkillers and endured the debilitating sorrow of seeing her own daughters battle alcoholism, drug addiction, self-harm (cutting), and abusive relationships. Through it all, Kucera never lost her faith, although she only recently resumed regular church membership.
  
  Everything I Never Wanted to Be is a fascinating account of one family’s battle to survive.
  
  Review:
  
  Everything I Never Wanted to Be is an extremely difficult book to describe. It’s like trying to explain a roller coaster to someone who has never ridden one. You can attempt to depict the way your stomach lurches, the thrill of the wind in your face as the car speeds around the curves, and the overwhelming need to scream in anticipation as the car reaches the crest and is about to start its crazy descent to the bottom of the track. But until someone actually spends a few exhilarating moments on the ride, descriptions of the sensations experienced will never evoke complete comprehension or appreciation of the adventure.
  Kucera’s story is both hysterically funny and completely heartbreaking. It’s a 204-page nail-biting, yet invigorating glimpse into one family’s journey through complete dysfunction, utter despair. And yet … they love each other, hold onto each other, have each other’s backs, and somehow manage to overcome each hurdle. So far. As Kucera makes clear, it is a one day at a time prospect. She talks about waves of good and bad times. The tide comes in, the tide goes out. Some days are better than others. Eventually the bad times pass and periods of joy and happiness resume. So is her family really so different from anyone else’s?
  
  Well … yes. In many ways, Kucera’s family is definitely unique. Her father was an alcoholic. One of six children, only one of her siblings has managed not to become an alcoholic. One of the most gut-wrenching childhood stories she relates involves her aborted effort to collect just one award. And she wasn’t even the only child upon whom the award was scheduled to be bestowed. Rather, the sugar cookie award was being given to each Girl Scout in her troop, but she never got to collect hers. En route to the meeting, her father parked her on a curb and went into a bar, coming out every hour or so to inquire if she was all right. She was seven, as she kept telling panhandlers who stopped and asked her for money.
  
  Kucera’s eventual refusal to continue attending church with her family came about as a result of inappropriate behavior by the priest as a a teen-aged Kucera confessed. When she ran screaming from the church and told her parents what had happened, not only did they not believe her, they took her back to apologize to him. That she did not lose her faith entirely as a result of that incident is itself nothing short of a miracle, although it did take her years to figure out that it was the idea of church in general that she didn’t believe in. “God was a separate idea.” Eventually, she decided that the “Divine Order” refers to the fact that everything in your life is exactly as it is meant to be, conceptualizing the Divine Order as a goal. “Move toward the things in life that are good and kind and loving. And that may be the best we can do,” she writes.
  
  Easier said than done when you are watching your teenage daughter slowly die before your eyes as a result of her heroin addiction. Or wondering where she is after she runs off again with her violent pusher boyfriend. Or boarding up the front windows of your house once you find her and bring her home again, because you fear that the pusher boyfriend will drive by and shoot out all the windows. Or begging and pleading an inpatient rehabilitation facility to admit your daughter yet again, hoping that this time the treatment will work and she will return home clean and sober — and stay that way.
  Kucera’s writing is emotionally raw, her verbiage coarse. Often, the book reads almost like stream of consciousness ramblings because she does not relate the details of her family’s journey in a chronological, linear fashion. Rather, she strings together vignettes as they apparently meld together in her own memory bank, sometimes writing in past and other times in present tense. Always with her quirky, often self-deprecating sense of humor.
  
  The best way to know if you’re making the right decision as a parent is to ask people who don’t have children. For some reason these people have the answer for every situation. They would do this, or they would do that. This wouldn’t have happened if you had done it this way. They’re the same people who say, “I don’t have any children, but I completely understand because I have a cat.”
  
  Let me explain this loud and clear: having a car or a dog or a yak is nothing like having a child. you will never have to pay for drug rehab for your yak. I could not put my child in a create while I went to work. Actually, I could have, and looking back, I probably should have. But it’s illegal.
  
  What is clear is that Kucera, despite all of her shortcomings — for which she feels plenty of remorse — loves her family and is determined to see them thrive. She would lay down her life for her daughters and, in fact, it’s come close to that more than once. She details her own addictions and unraveling under the weight of caring for all of them, trying to keep her girls, especially Carly, alive. What keeps Kucera from giving up? “[S]ometimes when I look at Carly and she smiles or laughs really hard, I see that little girl again. Just for a second, I remember. And it makes my heart happy.” Every parent knows precisely what Kucera means.
  
  This is not a “happily ever after” story. As Everything I Never Wanted to Be draws to a close, Kucera has taken a leap of faith and quit her grocery checker job to write the book. Carly has left rehab and remained clean for six months, but April is still drinking. Kucera continues to care for her mother, and Moses, a very special little boy, is the light of all of their lives. Just like your family, mine, and every other family you know, they are carrying on. That’s all any of us can do.
  
  I strongly recommend that this Thanksgiving weekend, you spend a few hours getting to know Dina Kucera and her family better. After all, Kucera quit her job and she needs to sell some books. I’m betting that after you read Everything I Never Wanted to Be, you will feel that you received a more than adequate return on your investment.
• 
  Sara Strand

  She has three daughters. Her oldest two battle alcoholism and a drug addiction. The youngest, Carly, started using heroin at 14. This is their struggle.
  
  The letter written by her daughter in the beginnings pages made me ill. As I read the book I identified characteristics that were true to me. True to my family. And it scared the absolute hell out of me.
  
  Dina writes about her own struggle with alcohol and pill addiction but she writes with a self deprecating humor that makes you not feel sorry for her, but you can relate. You understand. It makes sense. She writes about watching all three of her children struggle with addiction and you see that it isn't something someone can just give it up. You see the devastation of addiction first hand. It's a startling and unbelievable reality SO MANY families are struggling with. It also makes you feel more sympathetic to the families dealing with it because she talks about the inadequacies of the health care system in this country. You can't get into rehab but by god you can detox at home! It's spoken as if it's a cute little kit you can buy at Walmart. But the reality of it is that it ruins lives. And you can't always prevent it. You think you can...but it sneaks up. And denial is hard to look beyond.
  
  Some of the things you read about in this book are sad and scary. For me, I tried to imagine if it were my child. How would I feel? What would I do? And in the end, I felt helpless because I realized how little I know about it. And you can look at your local schools and see drug use rampant in there. I know, from even ten years ago, I saw things that I'm sure my parents never imagined I would. And we won't even talk about college.
  
  What I thought really made the book was her humor. I've always been the person to say if you don't laugh about it you're going to cry. And crying will ruin your makeup. I could relate to these people because growing up, we really had no money. Things were tight and my mom and step dad worked really hard to get us the basics. So when she touches on that with humor, it reminds me of when I was growing up:
  
  "I needed to get my hair done, but I didn't have any money. My husband suggested that I go to the place where he gets his hair cut for $12. He said "How can you go wrong for $12?" Well, a woman can go VERY wrong for $12. A $12 haircut could ruin your life and change your gender..."
  
  And some of you have commented or sent me private messages about how you only drink to have a good time but you're not an alcoholic. And I really hope you aren't and that you never go that route.
  
  "People have asked me what the difference is between just 'having a good time' and actually being an alcoholic. Most people at happy hour are having a good time. But some of those people go home and pee on their floor. That's an indication there may be a problem."
  
  Ultimately- the book is about hope. And faith. And that things can get better. That family is everything. Of survival. Or love. Of being strong enough to know when you're in over your head and you need help.
  
  I recommend this book to everyone. If you have children, you need this book. If you know someone who is battling addiction, you need this book. If you've ever wondered if you are addicted, you need this book. If you have ever criticized someone who may or may not be battling addiction, you need this book. If you never read another book again, please make this one your last. I promise you that you will look at yourself, your life, your family, your friends and strangers around you in a different light.
  
  I read somewhere that someone was quoted as saying that this book can change lives. And it can. It made me take a look at my own life and it made me address what I had going on. I get it. I understand it. And for the specific few of you (you know who you are) that reached out to send me a private message in regards to last night's blog post... you need to get this book. Maybe it's not for you but you owe it to the people around you.
  
• 
  Orbs n Rings

  The struggle of one woman to keep her family from falling apart while she herself was also falling apart.
  
  If today for some reason you believe your life is falling apart, is not fair or you have been dealt a bad hand. Why is this happening to me you may say? If you may think your life is so bad, you feel you just don't know how you will get through the next day. I promise if you read "Everything I Never Wanted To Be," your outlook on life will change in an instant. Suddenly your life won't feel so bad and it might even seem like a slice of heaven. Dina Kucera has lived through hell most of her life and no hell is more real than watching your children and family struggle through addiction or mental illness, while feeling overwhelmed and helpless as you try to care for those members and try to be everything to everyone, until you yourself are run down into the ground. There is so much in this book I couldn't even begin to explain what Kucera has gone through. What I liked most about Dina's book is that it is raw and real, she did not sugar coat anything and honestly told her story completely from her heart and did not hold anything back. Was she probably embarrassed for herself, her family, her children when thinking about how the whole world would react once they read her story? Did she have doubts about writing this memoir, probably so? But I am more than sure that the weight Dina has been caring on her shoulders has gotten a heck of a lot lighter after writing this book and it will bring her much healing. I read this book without judgement and I still place no blame on anyone after finishing it. None of us are given a book at birth that tells us how life will be, how it should be or how we should behave. If you were blessed with good parents that raised you well, then you have been truly blessed. If you have not been born or have no family or friends that struggle with addiction or mental illness whether it be alcoholism, ADHD, autism, anxiety or any genetic or inherited abnormalities or metabolic disorders, then you are truly special. But the truth is the majority of people on this planet are not and the choices most of us make are mostly made due to how we feel at the moment, while we blindly walk our way through life, again unless we have good role models to teach us otherwise. Dina is a very strong person, stronger than she will ever know and I am sure if she continues to ask God for help for her family things will continue to improve. For God is all around us but we need to reach out and ask for help, for he wants us to reach out. Sometimes in my own personal life I have noticed God will not interfere unless I have reached out to him, sometimes in desperation, but I have asked for help. As we all have free will, and are free to pray and ask for that help. Dina and I share one thing in common and that is the stress of caring for an elderly mother in her home. Maybe Dina has never given this a thought, but Dina deserves a huge reward just for stepping up to the plate to care for her elderly mom who is also suffering Parkinson's disease. While working in the medical field I have seen so many cases of abused and neglected elderly. Most of these elderly had children who just abandoned them and never even acknowledged their existence. My life has not been roses either and I can surely write my own book as I myself have struggled through life while raising my own children, my first marriage was to an addict. We are all on this planet to grow spiritually, it just comes easier to some more than others, but no growth comes without God. After reading this memoir I will be sending my prayers to Dina and that Dina receives the healing her and her family so desperately needs.
• 
  Madeline Sharples

  Dina Kucera’s memoir Everything I Never Wanted To Be grabbed me from page one and never let go until the last word. Dina’s voice is so powerful, clear, and natural that I felt she was talking directly to me in my living room – the same feeling I had while reading Keith Richards’ Life and Patty Smith’s Just Kids.
  
  Her story of her own alcoholism, her daughters’ alcoholism and addiction made me cry, wince, laugh, shake my head in disbelief ��� the emotions just kept coming as I read.
  
  And although we come from very different backgrounds – she grew up in a trailer park, left school after ninth grade, worked for years as a grocery store checker – we both ended up writing memoirs about how the bad things in our lives inspired us to live better lives day by day. Dina now works as a stand-up comic, proving the truth of Norman Cousins’ theory of the healing power of laughter.
  
  I also relate to her description of her daughter Carly’s heroin addiction, about how it changed her, how it made her a different person piece by piece. I found that bipolar disorder did the same thing to my son, Paul, until I didn’t know him anymore, that he was a different person from the one I raised, and that I wasn’t sure I even loved him anymore.
  
  But, as we both discovered, that love never goes away. It’s what keeps us going. Dina shows how all the pain in her heart made her heart stronger and more open to anything coming her way.
  
  Everything I Never Wanted To Be is a must-read for parents and teenagers. It is a life-changing experience, and it will inspire you never to give up.
  
  (Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On)
• 
  Natashia

  Mildly entertaining, at best. This is not a book that grabs you, nor is it a book that makes you truly become involved with its characters. Sad, because the characters are real people. I think. That's one of the major problems with this book. Not the fact that it was written by a comedienne, with an author that warns you this book is the truth bent and twisted, but the fact that the truth is bent and twisted so far that one really can't tell where to draw the line. It would help if the exaggerations were funny, they aren't. The author also states that readers are intelligent enough to make the distinction between the truth, and what has been stretched. When you stretch the truth that far, it becomes difficult to believe any of the story. Yes bad things happen to good people, and those people have to find a way to triumph. That is not what this book is about. This is a book of bad decisions that continue to get worse, without a resolution. I would feel bad for the author, if I knew what to believe. Definitely not a book I would recommend for a first read, much less a second.
• 
  Birgit

  This book by Dina Kucera is a painfully honest and touching memoir about alcoholism and drug addiction, and a mother who desperately tries to keep her kids alive. Sounds dark, and it is.
  Reflecting on her own life which has been painted with alcoholism, the biggest focus is on Dina's daughters who also slipped into addictions, some very early on. And as much as any parent would hope that there love will heal, this just isn't enough to make your child whole and healthy again. You can literally feel the pain and the fear while reading, and then there is this fine line between such a serious topic and the use of humorous remarks which the author manages exceptionally well.
  Certainly not a light read I can only recommend this well-written and gripping memoir to parents who are going through similar situations. It shows them they are not alone and that they must never stop hoping.
  In short: A truly remarkable read on the love of a mother and drug addiction!
• 
  Sara

  If you want to read an uplifting book, keep on moving. This book is dark and sad and does not have a happy ending. I learned a lot, like how our government does not care to treat adolecents with drug abuse problems and how our government would rather incarcerate drug addicts than try to get them help.
  
  This book was a tough read. Dina uses comedy as a coping mechanism and it sometimes comes across as crass and unfeeling. Dina is an alcoholic, and so were her parents and grandparents. All three of her daughters are alcoholics or drug addicts. She tells the story of her life living through addiction and poverty. One of her take away messages is that life will have stress and problems, but you need to "continue to have faith and have a laugh". I pray that things get better for her family, that she keeps her faith, and passes her faith on to her daughters and grandson.
• 
  Maria

  3.5/4 Stars
  
  To say this book was an easy read would be a lie. It’s true what they say: if you don’t laugh at your self, you’ll cry instead. Dina’s memoir about the struggles with her children, her family, and her own personal issues. I laughed and I cringed and I even felt a huge sinking feeling while reading this book. I found myself wondering when she would take responsibility and she did partially but I was still frustrated with her narration. I felt like she purposely left a lot out because she was trying to focus on her children and not herself. All in all it was a good book but I was more surprised the turn the book took. I was expecting Carly to tell her story and not her mother.
• 
  Amara Cudney

  If you've ever been like me and felt that your own story was too bizarre for public consumption, then you need to find yourself in the middle of Ms. Kucera's memoir where you'll fit right in. She details an extraordinary, complicated life filed with addiction and it's consequences. What really worked for me is that the author focuses on the solution and shows that there is a way to survive growing up in a world where you are powerless over your circumstances. This book touched me and I recommend it to anyone whose life is touched by addiction, which is everybody.
• 
  Erin

  I really enjoyed the dark humor this author brought to this book about her family and the disease of addiction. It is refreshing to hear some humor and being able to laugh at things after the fact.At the time you never think you will make it through the situation but in the end you can look at it and learn and maybe laugh too.** Non-addicts or anyone who has never known an addict may not find humor in some of this, May not be your kind of book.
• 
  Jen Lukkes

  This isn't your typical read about addiction. The author, her husband, and her three daughters are all alcoholics and/or drug addicts. The three daughters have an array of mental health issues which makes for an even more interesting read. Now, combine these aspects with the knowledge that the author is also a comedienne. I laughed and I cried and I kept picking up this book to read more every chance I got.
• 
  Adrianna

  It's honest, raw, and hysterical. I cared about the characters, breezed through the book, laughed out loud along the way, and read passages aloud when someone was in earshot. It's not a story with a perfect family and a perfect ending but instead it offered a dose of reality, strength of the human spirit, and hope.