101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last by Linda Bloom

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last Reviews

• 
  Daniel

  This book isn't terrible or anything like that. I just don't think that it's worth the cover price, though potentially acceptable as a library option. Recently my fiance and I have been making our way through various marriage-life prep. books in order to appease the officiant of our wedding... and it couldn't hurt, right?
  
  The basic format of this book is the list. Each chapter is between one and three pages long, outlining some general point that the authors are trying to apply to marriages across the board. The fact that the authors, two married psychotherapists, have almost divorced several times over and dealt with unfortunate issues of infidelity is meant to bestow some sense of authenticity to the advice. After all, they've apparently struggled through the roughest dark patches and conflicts, so they know what they're talking about. I understand the logic to this set-up, but I'm not sure that I buy into the basic premise. In all honesty, I think that I'd like to read the advice of a happy couple. I understand that this perspective is important and emphasizes holding to commitment despite tremendous set-backs. Be that as it may, I'm not sure that I really trust the authors, despite professional qualifications.
  
  Generally, the text of the work is absolutely unnecessary. You'll get just as much out of 101 Things I wish I knew... by reading the chapter titles. Although much of the life-wisdom in this book is good-advice, most of it is--not to belittle it--common sense. I realize, of course, that common-sense answers are often still difficult to enact in real-life circumstances, but having them reiterated in a book isn't really going to make that any easier. One of the writers in particular has the annoying habit of appealing to vaguely New-Age imagery. One whole chapter is dedicated to comparing marriage to Hindu Yoga... while she also throws in completely random references to African shamanistic healers and Swamis, invoking the watered-down eastern religious tendencies packaged and sold throughout the west. This Vitalistic approach (Vitalism is a philosophical term, implying a false sense of authenticity based around an idea or practice... generally due to the subject's historical antiquity or foreignness) is a turn-off for me personally. It's cheap. It's the bourgeois thirty-something purchasing a buddha statue from Pier One imports.
  
  Also I think that this book gives the impression that marital infidelity is not an incredibly serious issue. Of course, I think that the authors would immediately disagree with that statement and attempt to argue that the book doesn't make that claim. But it is implied in several places. It is not childish for a marriage to end over adultery. It is not childish to expect that your spouse will remain faithful to you.
  
  I don't know. Maybe I'm just not one for the list-format. As arrogant as the writer may be, I think that I preferred Seven Principles to Making Marriage Work by John Gottman... though I haven't actually finished it. At least that book includes a number of exercises, surveys, and activities that a couple can complete together.
• 
  Carol

  Okay yeah, most of these are the pithy and often banal Truths about Life and Coupledom that we've heard a million times already, but those pithy and often banal Truths are actually um true. And it's good to have a refresher course. One of the best? "Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing." And the eternal, "It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what (your partner) did to make things wrong." Good things to stay mindful of in life, not just in coupledom. And I like the emphasis on personal responsibility for one's own happiness, a theme throughout.
• 
  Lee

  Leave this on the coffee table the first time you have your new girlfriend over. If she gags you know you have a keeper.
  
  My first real girlfriend after divorce got this for me as a not so subtle, READ THIS gesture. At the time it was actually kind of good. I thumbed through it again the other day and got a good laugh at the pages that were doubled over.
• 
  Tiffanie Luna

  This book is a must read for anyone who is or desires to be in a committed relationship. It offers real raw encouragement to set every person up for success in their relationship weather they are running to the alter or have been commitment for years.
• 
  Jeana Yogina

  Thank you Charlie & Linda Bloom for this beautifully written book. I laughed and sobbed and sobbed some more through out this entire book! I couldn't put it down, I read it in 3 short days. This book helped me with some closure with my past marriage of 26 years. And with my present relationship of 5 years. I too married young and had children quickly and before we knew it we were in trouble. Having zero skills on being in a loving relationship, I being the product of five failed marriages on my Mothers side and four failed on my Fathers, and him with (happily married parents for over 50 years) we failed miserably. Luckily I have a second chance at love with my current boyfriend. From reading this book I have learned he has done a lot of his work and this book confirmed it and his love to me! He also agreed to read this book to be on the same page as I am! I am ordering this book and sending it to my two grown children. I sure that they too can have healthy happy marriages in lieu of their father and I screwing it up for them. I have forgiven myself and my Ex and will use these tips to further enrich my life.
• 
  Katie

  It is often pithy, or even cliche, and as a result, I was prepared to set it right back on the shelf. But short chapter after chapter, I found myself engaged enough to either raise an eyebrow in thoughtful disagreement, or TWO eyebrows in that quiet stunned silence reserved only for bookstores when you encounter a moving reflection of the self on the page. Though I've read other relationship books, and thought some quite strong (if dense and at times overwhelming), something about this one caused precepts to congeal more for me.
• 
  Sebastian

  Sometimes you have to be reminded...
  And sometimes it even helps to read about other people's problems and how they cope. Not a lot of mind-blowing advice here, but I suspect this is more because of me getting older and wiser than because it isn't great advice.
• 
  Byron Flores

  Good material for mature and new couples
• 
  Douglas Lord

  Marriage counselors and first-time authors, the Blooms nearly called their union quits in 1987; their anecdotes reflect the “acceptance, gratitude, and appreciation'” that they employed to save it. Some of these honest, candid stories (many from the authors) are more illustrative than others, but most vividly demonstrate that successful relationships require effort. One such story, “Commitment Isn’t a Prison;’ ponders the blessings of loving, supportive spouses. Another, “It’s Not What You’ve Got; It’s What You Do with It,” describes how Bubba, despite being “short, homely, chubby, and bald,” receives his heart’s deepest desire in a sweet marriage. Other stories address friends, ultimatums, and irreconcilable viewpoints, all with the intent of heading off problems rather than fixing them. For those needing to replace worn-out warm-fuzzies like Cheryl Richardson’s
  Life Makeovers.
  Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes,
  Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.
• 
  Ashley

  I'm a sucker when it comes to self-help books on marriage. I figure even though it's not bad it doesn't hurt to get a little knowledge on how to make it better, right?
  
  This book gave me alot of insight and different outlook on what marriage is. It's nice because the author has been married for quite some time and, to me, it almost seemed like a grandfather passing down his wisdom to his granddaughter.
  
  It was nice to read this advice and experience from someone who's been through it all and still going strong and passing on his wisdom to those just starting out just so they can try and avoid the mistakes he felt he had made and wouldn't have if someone had written a self-help book for him.
  
  I put alot of points and advice in this book to use and it's helped a great deal.
• 
  Kristie J.

  Easy-to-read advice book from a couple of therapists with a 30-year marriage. I liked the straight-forward advice without too much psychobabble. My favorite chapters were #37 "Your opinion is not the truth" which cautions couples against unsolicited criticism and judgements and #41 "Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want" which advises you to keep your attention on yourself and ask more directly for the attention you want. Toward the end, I felt like they were struggling to make it to the 101 things, but still worth reading.
• 
  Mia

  The authors write about a page per entry and most of it's your average self/relationship-help stuff: Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences, It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time, and my favorite, Even marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters. hahahha
  
  I always find stuff to learn but I especially find it helpful to revisit the basics now and again since they're an ever-expanding source of wisdom.
• 
  Travel Writing

  "Instead of expecting an outcome- ask yourself, "What's the experience I want to have?"
  
  "Give up all expectations except for the ones you are willing to die for."
  
  I found the book a bit bumperstick-y. Nothing profound, but good advice. If you would have given me this book when I was a young bride- I am not sure it would have helped. Only with time and experience are many of these lessons valuable. Some things just need to be stumbled through and learned from.
• 
  Angela

  This wasn't an awful book and I am sure it can be helpful for many couples...but I didn't learn anything. Therefore, I didn't like it because I didn't get anything out of it. I wouldn't recommend buying it, as you can read the 101 things on the content page, unless you want to read the little stories that go with them.
• 
  Kate Zachary

  Buck and I read this book during the year leading up to our wedding. We read 1-2 entries a night and then talked about them. The names used were pretty cheezy, but the lessons were helpful and sparked good conversation.
• 
  giraffeoutlol

  I don't know why I bought this book. I'm not even married. I'm not even in a relationship.
  
  That said, I'll probably gift it to my future wife when I propose to her and say "Hey, let's not )(#*% this up, okay? I love you sweetheart."
  
  Do you think this'll work? No? Oh, okay. Neither did I.
• 
  Ahmad

  You could gain deeper understanding of personalities and the life of sharing. He is tackling many religions at once talking from an anthropologist point of view.
  
  If you are planning for successful marge, add this book to your list.
• 
  Clover

  Ehh.. I think this one's more like 1.5 stars, but really, I did not like it, though I don't dislike it, if that makes any sense.
  I don't think any of these little tips are all that enlightening, though the funniest one: "If you think marriage counselling is too expensive, try divorce"
• 
  Sarah Elizabeth

  A few cliche adages but most of them were very spot on. I like how they put the list in the beginning of the book and allows the reader to skim to the more detailed paragraphs for each item of interest.
• 
  Marie

  Common Sense information. Good to hear but pretty standard advice.
• 
  Sabah

  Quick, practical articles of proactive advice for marriage, though sometimes a little trite.
• 
  Jenn

  Most of this stuff is really obvious, but it's a good reminder of the challenges I know we'll face once we're married.