Super Giant Monster Time! (Choose Your Own Mind-Fuck Fest, #3) by Jeff Burk

Super Giant Monster Time! (Choose Your Own Mind-Fuck Fest, #3) Reviews

• 
  mark monday

  BIZARRO #3
  
  surprisingly unfunny and pedestrian. i love the format so i suppose i was expecting more. perhaps i am picking the wrong Bizarro novels to read? i dunno. the graphic violence is rich and plentiful, intestines strewn here and there, agonizing deaths, horrific monster rape, a super-powered and super-bloodthirsty flying cat, and a giant baby smashing people to bloody pulp with his giant rattle. well, that last one was amusing. it wasn't the violence that was a turn-off - i don't have a real problem with violence, and it was all over-the-top cartoon violence anyway - but rather the cheap and shoddy writing. and after loving
  The Sorrow King, i know that Bizarro can have some truly fine writing. or have genuine wit. but none here, sigh. i may have enjoyed this when i was 12. well, probably not, as i was sort of a snob back then.
  
  extra star awarded for one very enjoyable bit: if the reader - after choosing the Office Drone character - chooses to keep their head down and go back to their cube in the face of alien attacks and a maniacal supervisor, they will find that they are stuck in an endless loop of Damn This Spreadsheet and Should I Have More Coffee? heh. silly office drone.
• 
  Christy Stewart

  I first found the "choose your own adventure" genre when I was hiding in the library one day as a child. It totally blew my mind and for months I carried them around to show people to get out "The Good Word" (no one cared, if you're wondering) This books takes the scrap metal from my blown childhood brain and individually blows those pieces up.
  
  There are pictures, you get to place dice and card games, and flip a coin, you have the option of starting a fight 90% of the time.
  
  I don't think I've gone through all the story options yet, but trust me, I always got what was coming to me.
  
  Please remember the “Choose Your Own Mind-Fuck Fest” series for me when Christmas comes around.
• 
  Kirk

  When it comes to board games, I almost always lose. Become a level 20 wizard, someone casts eternal dispel and I'm slaughtered. Get a vorpal sword, I'm transported to a world of headless zombies where my sword's magic is useless. Burk's "Super Giant Monster Time" was an experience in the vein of my early days with board games, except for one thing: I actually liked the losing part.
  
  When you start the book, you get to choose from three characters. I chose John Smithe, because he reminded me of myself to a degree. In sum: he sucks at most things extra curricular so he sticks to his job.
  
  This book isn't your typical "which way" scenario. When the book requested that I use a six-sided die to determine what happens next, I was really pleased with the interactive experience, taken back to my days of D&D at my friend's house on warm summer nights, listening to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album over and over again, because that was the only cassette tape we had and we didn't have a CD player there. Those were good times when everything was familiar and calm.
  
  But I cheated. I chose the vegan straight edge, and hoped like hell that I'd meet a bloody fate.
  
  Of course, I couldn't end there. I had to go back and actually try the dice. I rolled a 1. Did I mention I always roll like crap in board games? When I played Warhammer 40k my Space Marines had a 3+ saving throw. The only way they would die is if I rolled a one or a two . . . they always *&%$* died.
  
  This book reminded me of those games, because I died at least three deaths before I knew I had to pick a different character. But in losing I was winning. I felt like Charlie Sheen. Not the Charlie Sheen most people know, but the Charlie Sheen that Charlie Sheen knows. I was bi-winning, and it was good.
  
  I enjoyed this book. It's something I'll likely open up and play with again. It's a book that allows you to dictate how much time you spend with it. It's a book that lets you take control, or lets you leave it up to the roll of a six-sided die. Hell, you can even write in your own damned ending if you want to. Here was my ending:
  
  You win. Everyone else sucks at life and you never roll less than a five on a six-sided die. Whenever you acquire a vorpal sword in D&D, you are NOT transported to a world of headless zombies. Dispel does not exist. Whenever you feel down, open this book, turn on Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon," choose your character and go directly to this page.
• 
  Lori

  Review to come
• 
  James Steele

  A parody of the Choose Your Own Adventure series. It’s CYOA, but for adults and with a bizarre twist. Lots of bizarre twists. I love how the cover is tinted yellow on the edges. Looks like an aged CYOA book you’d find on the shelf of a thrift store, which is exactly where I bought all of mine as a kid.
  
  True to its inspiration, the book takes place from a second person perspective, and it offers “you” the choice of three characters to experience the story. You can be a punk girl caught on the streets during the alien and monster invasion. You can be a boring office worker trapped at work when the invasion begins. Or maybe you’d rather be a scientist at the secret lab where the monsters were created?
  
  All three parallel stories have their good endings and bad endings, and each one is absurd and bizarre and a good load of fun. The carrot ending, for example, made me laugh out loud. If you’re lucky, you might even become a flying supercat, or one of the monsters!
  
  Another great thing about this book is that you won’t fully understand the story until you “play” as all three characters. This is what I’ve wanted for years: a CYOA story to satisfy my twisted, adult desires.
• 
  Anthony Chavez

  Quite a fun book, I grew up trying to read every CYOA book that was out there. I first discovered them combing the elementary school library trying to find a good book to read for SSR (Sustained Silent Reading ) time. This series or CYOA is totally for adults. Giant monsters have taken over the city and you can play 1 of 3 characters and try to do something about it. You got Si, the punk rock chica with a mohawk and who is immune to the alien ray guns that turn normal people to punk rockers, John Smithe, the run of the mill office worker who is afraid of him boss, and Gary Freedman, the scientist at Complex 23 where most of these monsters attacking the city came from. It's a fun little book, I like some of the twisted endings and unusual options, I find myself still not wanting to choose an option that leads to a page towards the end of 5the book due to avid CYOA readers knowing that the end of the book pages usually, not always, have a dead end that usually isn't good.
• 
  Marvin

  I'm not a big fan of "choose Your own adventure" books but I must admit Super Giant Monster Time is a lot of fun. It is sort of a Half Life on steroids with punk chicks. I died a lot playing Half Life. I died a lot reading this too but at least I died laughing. Jeff Burk may be the king of silly and I mean that with the highest regards.
  
  But all said, if I wanted to die over and over again I would have been a stand-up comedian.
  
  (THUMP!)
  
  Thanks folks. Try the chicken piccata.
• 
  David Raffin

  I was never into “Choose your own adventure” books though they were all the rage when I was in junior high. Yes, I read a few. Mostly, however, I preferred my non-linear reading matter to be more linear in how in went about its non-linearality.
  Now author Jeff Burk (Shattnerquake) has written one. Since I had not read one in over a decade I decided “Why not?”
  
  First, like all such books it is written in the second person. The conceit is that you, the reader, are the main character. For some people that isn’t even true in real life. You make decisions and you turn to the corresponding page.
  
  Now, this book is about Super Giant Monsters, Scientists, punk rock chicks, and office workers. And you. Actually that’s you as “You choose to be a punk rock chick, a scientist, or an office worker.” Just like in real life. (Actually no one chooses to be an office worker. That, I am led to understand, just happens.) You cannot choose to be a super giant monster. This is self-evident. After all, you can choose to be a monster but not to be super giant. Yet.
  
  To make a long review short, Jeff Burk kills me. He kills me several times over. I turn the page and I die.
  Then I am reincarnated, as another persona. I am back at the beginning of the book.
  This reincarnation theme is why all choose your own adventure books are banned in Texas. Buy 100 copies and smuggle them into Texas.
• 
  Eric Guignard

  REVIEWED: Super Giant Monster Time!
  WRITTEN BY: Jeff Burk
  PUBLISHED: March, 2010
  
  Loved this book - if nothing else, except that it's an adult-themed throw-back to the old "Choose-Your-Own-Adventure" books that were elementary school favorites (after Hardy boys, of course). You select one of three characters and then follow a twisting bizarro path for each, that intertwines expertly with the lives of the other characters. You really have to follow the paths of all three to understand the reasons for the monster invasion and freakish events... or, even if you only start on one character and die immediately in a punk bar or are beat to death by your anal office manager, this book would still rock. Fun book to read and take your mind of the troubles of the world... but only after you're done working, cause "Those TPS Reports aren't going to take care of themselves."
  
  Five out of Five stars
• 
  Pedro Proença

  This is fucking awesome. It's pure entertainment.
  
  If you hate this book, you're probably dead inside.
• 
  Edmund Colell

  
  Disregarding nay-sayers, the cheese of B-movies and pulp fiction has had a strong effect on the world of fiction. Not only did they inspire Quentin Tarantino’s movies, but they also had a major hand in nourishing the development of bizarro fiction and many other examples of cult entertainment. Jeff Burk’s Super Giant Monster Time! took a lot of these plot elements to make possible, and it gives the reader the benefit of not only being slammed upside the head with the cheese hammer, but giving them three possible hammers to choose from – Si, a punk rock girl waking up to an apocalypse; John Smithe, an office worker filing reports during the apocalypse; and Gary Freedman (Half-Life reference?) whose company may have had a hand in the apocalypse.
  
  In effect, Super Giant Monster Time! is a choose-your-own-adventure book for the current age that relies on camp from yesteryear. If old sci-fi, horror, and superhero fiction makes for tickling experiences, it helps that this book gives readers the way in which they will be tickled. Stabbing people with mohawk spikes, going on a tag-team superhero adventure with your cat to fight aliens and monsters, and undoing the fabric of one’s own existence are only a few possible actions among many that breed feelings of “Oh hellz yeah.” Even some of the failure outcomes can be entertaining, and while the spacemen get to be annoying after a while, it is interesting to roll a die and find out just what flavor of punk you are transformed into by their ray guns, and if you even survive after that. “But Ed,” you may say, “please stop spoiling this book.” It would be spoiling if it weren’t for the 50+ possible endings, so everything said here only includes roughly the first few readthroughs, if that. So I’ll halfway-spoil one more ending: one of them does not quite seem like an ending at first, only coming to light when the realization of a tedious loop forces you out of the page turning.
  
  As for any complaints… wait a minute… waaait for it… um, too many “death” endings, I guess? They can be a bit frustrating and they often seem to shoehorn the reader in only a few directions when constantly having to return to earlier parts to pick solutions that further the plot. Also, the illustrations can be a bit hit-or-miss. While there are some very well-detailed ones, there are a few that seem out-of-proportion with other ones. For example, one character’s chin (I won’t say who) seems to change between one picture and another. And, while it’s not a proportion thing, it was a bit weird to see John have a tie in one picture and no tie in the rest of the pictures when there’s no mention of him taking his tie off.
  
  Okay, so those complaints are token. Super Giant Monster Time! is simply too awesome to level any concerned criticism towards it. There may be some who would be turned off simply by the subject matter, but those people are no fun.
  
• 
  Sally Violet

  I was loving the book, but then I realized that there are many pages that you aren't led to. I feel like I just read half of a book and there's no way to finish it. I'm sad, I keep looking over every page hoping I missed a page that said turn to page 55, 57, 66, 101, 110, 133, 147, 162, or 170 but they just aren't there. I can just read those pages but it's not the same. Maybe Jeff Burk did this on purpose.
• 
  Grant Wamack

  Do you remember those Choose Your Adventure books from your long lost childhood? Well I do. This is exactly that, the only difference is it's for adults now. Which means violence,drugs,sex,and did I forget to mention punk rockers,scientists,and giant monsters. All in all,dope book.
• 
  Casey Babb

  There is no doubt that we live in dark times, from climate change threatening to melt the polar bears, to hadron colliders conspiring against us with miniature black holes, to the series finales of both Lost and 24 in the same month- it really seems as though we may be doomed. But, as bleak as things may be, whatever the odds stacked against us, we can stand tall and say that we truly lived in the best of times, when Bizarro authors roamed the earth and wrote books. We can raise our greasy fingers to Doom's face and say "No, Doom! Go back to sleep! Die en der fhtagn and never wake up, Doom, you horrible piss!" For though we may be cast in the ominous shadow of titans, we also stand in the presence of the weird gods of a new, weird Olympus!
  
  If and when we are destroyed by Cataclysm and Armageddon, let it be not the books about intergalactic finance and sparkling vampires that survive, but the books like Super Giant Monster Time! Books that gave us a choice, that let us into the realms of possibility, rather than confining us to the simple journey from Point A to Point B. And when a new race emerges from our ashes, and sifts through our ruins, let them find Super Giant Monster Time and say "Yes! I have a choice! Yes! I can choose my own mind-fuck!" Let them find this book and in their dawning know freedom.
  
  Whatever our Fate, I would not trade my time here for any other in history. We live in a time when being part of a niche doesn't require you to live in New York or California, when we can change the way people remember history by altering Wikipedia entries to say that William Howard Taft had a visible boner throughout his inauguration, and when books like Super Giant Monster Time can, as though destined, reach its intended audience.
  
  True story: I was in an office, printing this book out (PDF, another miracle of our times) on a confiscated printer, and as I sipped my tea, I glanced down just as a picture of what looked to be a massive, ejaculating dick flooding a room with semen, while a distressed looking man who apparently made a bad decision struggles to keep his head above la creme de l'homme. Be careful.
  
• 
  David Agranoff

  
  The third of the choose your mindfuckfest bizarro parody of the classic choose your own adventure novels this time written by Shatnerquake author Jeff Burk. You gotta hand it to Burk first and foremost he is a master at the high concept bizarro. Both of his novels just excite people when they hear the ideas behind them. This book is is not quite as funny as Shatnerquake but is still a really fun read.
  
  You get to choose from three character's a scientist, a punk rocker, or an office drone. It's not long before the giant monsters show up to destroy earth. You make think choosing to be the scientist is the safest option but being in super secret lab wont protect you. As with many classic godzilla movies there are aliens around for some unexplained reason. They also have lazer guns that turn you into a punk rocker.
  
  Look bottom line this is a giant monster novel, but not any giant monster novel, it's a one where not only do you direct the plot but you have chances to end up drowning in pool of monster sperm. What else would happen if a monster humped your office building? That is perhaps my favorite part of the book.
  
  I could have been offended when my own subculture of punk rock (Vegan straight edge) is made fun of, but honestly if you read the book enough times and roll your dice( yes you have to roll dice) then you'll see Jeff makes fun of every kind of punk rocker you can think of.
  
  You will laugh a lot and it will look great on the shelf next to Shatnerquake which is also super, duper funny.
• 
  Chris

  This is the second Choose Your Own Mind-Fuck Fest book put out by Eraserhead Press and I think it is better than the first one (
  Ocean of Lard). I liked how each of the different character's adventures gives you a greater understanding of what was happening in regards to the alien invasion and giant monsters. One thing that kind of bugged me was that if you choose John Smithe as your character, you can end up in a coffee loop (pg. 20). I've read many bizarro books over the years, but this is the first one that I remember giving me a crazy dream (which involved aliens, broccoli serpents, and Mr. Rogers). Thanks again Jeff!
• 
  David Barbee

  Okay, I’m not sure how to review a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book. I admit that. But what you have here is a bizarro action-adventure book with spacemen, giant monsters, and a punk-rock Spock that covers a lot of ground during a giant-monster-attack-slash-alien-invasion. And all of it is written by the guy who brought you the insanely awesome “Shatnerquake,” plus great artwork by bizarro artist Crissy Horscheimer. Honestly, that should be enough for you to get this.
  
• 
  Franklin Arbour

  Well, the scenarios were fun, but it is still a CYOA book, which are definitely best left in the locked, rose-tinted library of nostalgia. Still, good job on making a counterculture freakout in classic CYOA format. My favorite part was definitely the infinite loop.
• 
  Jay

  Choose your own adventure for adults. This book is wacked out. Very funny and gross.
• 
  Caletha

  fun quick read... I like cyoa books.. I would read more of these anytime
• 
  Les

  All Possible Adventures:
  Si
  11-153 (1/11)
  11-44-159-30-70-36
  11-44-30-70-36
  11-44-159-30-126-79
  11-44-30-126-79
  11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-104-98
  11-44-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-104-98
  11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-49-134-158-98
  11-44-30-70-136-69-24-49-134-158-98
  11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-104-98
  11-44-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-104-98
  11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-111-62-137
  11-44-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-111-62-137
  11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-17
  11-44-30-70-136-69-24-17
  11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-49-115
  11-44-30-70-136-69-24-49-115
  11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-111-62-137
  11-44-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-111-62-137
  John Smithe
  77-40-112-25
  77-112-25
  77-40-102-29-145
  77-40-97-20-161-20...
  77-40-112-140
  77-40-112-82
  77-40-112-114
  77-40-112-50
  77-40-112-127-25
  77-112-140
  77-112-82
  77-112-114
  77-112-50
  77-112-127-25
  77-40-102-29-88-43
  77-40-97-161-20-161...
  77-40-97-20-116-97...
  77-40-97-20-161-116-97...
  77-40-112-127-140
  77-40-112-127-82
  77-40-112-127-114
  77-40-112-127-50
  77-112-127-140
  77-112-127-82
  77-112-127-114
  77-112-127-50
  77-40-102-29-88-108-80
  77-40-97-161-116-97...
  77-40-97-161-20-116-97...
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-95-48
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-139
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-87-32
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-95-68
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-64
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-87-164-84
  77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-87-164-47
  Gary Freedman
  149-28-21
  149-74-58-92-85
  149-28-124-18-130-39-94-51
  149-74-156-117-121-151
  149-74-58-52
  149-74-58-92-169-11-153
  149-28-124-18-38
  149-28-124-18-144
  149-28-124-18-130-16-34
  149-74-156-86
  149-74-156-167-46
  149-74-156-117-60
  149-74-156-117-168
  149-74-156-117-121-42
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-25
  149-74-58-92-169-149...
  149-74-58-92-169-13-23
  149-74-58-92-169-14
  149-74-58-92-169-166-63
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-36
  149-74-156-167-141-128
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-25
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-145
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-20-116-20...
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-140
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-82
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-114
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-50
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-127-25
  149-74-58-92-169-13-160
  149-74-58-92-169-166-120
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-36
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-126-79
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-104-98
  149-74-156-167-141-65
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-140
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-82
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-114
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-50
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-127-25
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-43
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-161-20-161...
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-20-116-97...
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-20-161-116-97...
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-127-140
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-127-82
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-127-114
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-112-127-50
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-126-79
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-104-98
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-49-134-158-98
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-104-98
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-111-62-137
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-127-140
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-127-82
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-127-114
  149-74-58-92-169-77-112-127-50
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-80
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-161-116-97...
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-97-161-20-116-97...
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-69-24-49-134-158-98
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-104-98
  149-47-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-138-83-142-90-111-62-137
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-17
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-69-24-49-115
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-159-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-111-62-137
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-95-48
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-69-24-17
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-69-24-49-115
  149-74-58-92-169-11-44-30-70-136-138-83-26-90-111-62-137
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-139
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-87-32
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-95-68
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-64
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-99-107-87-164-84
  149-74-58-92-169-77-40-102-29-88-108-33-107-87-164-47
• 
  Holden Attradies

  I recently started hunting down and reading the old choose your own adventure books with my son. I figured hey, there must be enough adults my age or older that remember them fondly that some one somewhere must have written some adult ones. Well, there are plenty of "adult" ones, as in X rated. I found
  Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse?, and then I found the few put out by Eraser Head Press. I have to say, I was not impressed. I found it hard to push through and finish most of the story arcs.
  
  The writing was pretty sub-par, the illustrations were pretty unimpressive, and the general tone was pretty yuck. I think what ti really came down to is it just wasn't my thing. If you're an old school punk rocker and like cheesy gory horror/sci-fi flicks this is probably right up your alley, but I am not one of those people.
• 
  Rachel Adiyah

  I laughed from first page I chose over the tangled web of semi-connecting story lines running throughout Super Giant Monster Time! until I had to put it down. I mean, laughter so hard that I was hurting. (If you read this first just entirely skip Ocean of Lard, as it won't match up.) I loved the idea of an adult parody of those Choose Your Own Adventure books we all read as kids, and this did not disappoint. You get a "choice" (ha ha) of three characters to start, and you go from there. It is the most fun if you start with Si the tough punk chick and go through the characters in order. My favorite character? Mr. McWhiskers of course!
  
  Warning: The violence and carnage in this book is extreme, and there is one ending that turns into a rape. That being said, somehow it's done in humor and all good fun, but if you have triggers, you might want to skip it.
• 
  Tressa

  Too gimmicky for my tastes, but well-written and humorous, so I would feel like a heel giving it less than three stars. How do I even keep up with where I am in the story? My bookmark was confused as hell. Since I loved Shatnerquake, though, I will definitely read more Jeff Burk books.
• 
  katherine

  book club pick for june/july