Encouragement: The Key to Caring by Larry Crabb

Encouragement: The Key to Caring Reviews

• 
  Scott

  This book is the greatest chasm between cover design and content depth in my reading experience.
  
  This book made me wonder why we emphasize things like careers when we ask and answer questions about what we want to do with our lives, what we're good at, and who we are. Why don't we seek to excel and study at things like making other people feel loved instead of fearful? I want to change my outlook on who I am. I want to add "encourager" to the list of roles that I use to identify myself. I would love to influence other people to think this way, too. Encouragement is a spiritual gift I've identified with for a long time. This book was the first time I considered it from the perspective of something I could actively improve from the perspective of my ability to identify what's going on in someone's life and the skills I have to speak past their layers and implant some courage where they keep fear.
  
  This book took too long to finish, but I anticipate returning to it to remember things like reflection, clarification, and exploration. The little visuals of circles encasing fear in layers will stick in my mind as I raise my kids, talk to my wife, teach my students, wait in the line at the grocery store, and go on walks or trips to the zoo or any other place full of people.
  
  This book made me think deeply about the nature of my relationship with Jesus: do I seek encouragement and power from him alone? Am I able to rely solely on him to lead me out into the world with full intent to patiently listen and encourage? Am I willing to dig in deeper with him in order to pour out joy and peace and courage to others? How can I learn from him as I seek to become a better encourager?
• 
  Tim Casteel

  This book would be more accurately titled: “How to be others focused.”
  The best kind of book: short and packed with deep understanding of human nature (yet easy to understand).
  
  Our primary barrier to being others focused: our feeling of emptiness, wondering “if I’m always pouring into others who will pour into me?”.
  The answer - life is hard and you will always be alone! So stop waiting for others to pour into you. But that loneliness is the pathway to intimacy with God (which is what you ultimately want). And ultimately connecting deeply with others is a side effect of 1) depending only on God and 2) focusing on others.
  
  Pairs nicely with Tim Keller’s the Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness. Crabb’s book quickly (and, somehow, deeply!) dives into how to live that out.
• 
  Rowan

  I took notes while reading this book to put to memory and thereby to use many key pointers and words of wisdom such as
  * a well timed word has the power to urge a runner to finish the race.
  * Quick advice can miss the problem
  * Door Closers & Door openers for keeping the conservation going and open.
  * we are to depend on God for acceptance.
  
  I appreciated the examples the author gave in challenging to the church against being superficial and too open.
  
  Overall I think this a good quick read that helps explains how powerful and spirit the use of words and encouragement to both the individual and to the church.
  
  
  
  
• 
  Lavon Herschberger

  I thought this might be a "how to" on encouragement and therapeutic communication. Only 2 chapters meet that description. The rest hit deep at subjects like layers/masks, fear, oversharing, and responding to subtle opportunities to encourage.
  
  This is not about shallow encouragement (e.g. "good job with preaching today"), it's about learning to be sensitive and aware of the core fears of others and having the courage to show love and acceptance to someone despite seeing their real self. It's about the rare kind of encouraging words that actually change lives.
  
  It's a quick read, but an essential one.
• 
  Georgia

  Picked it up off the church bookshelf and read it cover to cover in an hour and a half. Biblical and practical, Crabb & Allender's godly wisdom on the why and how of encouragement was indeed a very timely word for me! I feel this is a book I will revisit many times in the years to come.
• 
  Jonathan Ammon

  The best book on communication I've read. Surprisingly transforming for church life. Relevant to marriages, discipleship, counseling, and spiritual gifts as well. A short, practical, and potent book.
• 
  John

  “Encouragement is important business.” Larry Crabb and Dan Allender begin “Encouragement” with this reminder. Crabb and Allender are convinced that if we can put encouragement into practice, lives will change.
  
  Crabb and Allender remind us that “People are hurting more deeply than we know.” Sincere words that pierce the heart and direct the listener toward Christ are life-giving. “What prevents our words from having power?” Crabb and Allender ask. When our words they don’t speak to the core emotion of those we speak to.
  
  Crabb and Allender back up and help us recognize that we all walk through with a defensive layer around our core emotion. This protective layer shields us both from receiving and from offering meaningful communication to one another. When we live in this space we have surface community. That is not to say we ought to live in total openness with everyone, Crabb and Allender assure. That only “replaces surface community with fractured community.” A commitment to one another’s Christlikeness has to be the foundation of our authenticity.
  
  At the foundation of any healthy community is a commitment first to Christ and then to one another. In a day and age of church shopping and commodified relationships, this piece stuck out to me as profound in its simplicity. Of course, what is profound in our relationship with God is his unshakeable commitment to us.
  
  God is our ultimate source of encouragement. “At those moments when loneliness is the greatest, we must turn in desperate dependency to God. We must entrust ourselves so completely to him that our psychological doom is assured if he fails to respond. Then we will come to know more of him. Then godly character will grow. His glory burst through most brightly when the night is darkest. His strength is proven most sufficient when we are weakest. His love penetrates most deeply when we feel unloved.”
  
  Ultimately, “Words that encourage are aimed (1) inspired by love, and (2) directed toward fear [the core emotion].” Relationship is the context of truth that changes us. Encouragement is not to be confused with manipulating someone else for our end. It has to be focused on their best interest.
  One of my favorite pieces of the book is one of Crabb’s diagrams in chapter 9. In it, Crabb shows that when truth meets our protective layer, it leads to the response of conformity, complacency, or callousness, while when truth hits our core fear, it leads to growth or rebellion. I actually wish Crabb would have spent more time here. Some of the reasons for Crabb’s analysis here made sense, but I would have appreciated Crabb teasing out the why’s of this further.
  
  Crabb and Allender’s “Encouragement” is a helpful and practical resource for anyone who wants to impact others for better. While there were a few loose ends that I would have appreciated having them explore, the foundation of encouragement’s relationship to God, to our fears, and to community are set well in place here.
  
  One final comment: I read the 2013 Zondervan paperback reprint of this book and was very disappointed with the quality. The paper and the binding were the cheapest possible quality. If you’re able to buy another print of this book I would encourage you to do so.
  
  For more reviews see
  www.thebeehive.live.
  
• 
  Jo Ann

  ⭐️⭐️⭐️ This book had a few really helpful ways to think about encouragement, mainly that good listening and taking opportunities to go deeper than surface level are the starting points for living an encouraging life.
  
  
  p44
  “But the basis of our fellowship is our shared life in Christ. Relationships must be regarded as opportunities to promote a fuller appreciation of Christ through mirroring Christ to one another, treating each other as valuable bearers of the image of God, and accepting one another in spite of shortcomings.”
  
  p74, 75
  “Many people have developed real skill in steering conversations away from sensitive areas into the safe territory of trivia. . . .this woman’s sweetness and charm were not the expression of love. Actually they were nothing more than manipulative layers designed to protect herself from hurt.”
  
  p94
  1. Opportunities for encouragement will go unrecognized unless we consciously choose the goal of ministry as we talk with people;
  2. Hidden opportunities for encouragement will surface as we express sensitive recognition of potential needs.
  
  p100
  “Sensitive listeners respond to comments with words that convey an interest in hearing more, sentences that open the door to information. Words that transmit two messages:
  1. I am interested in whatever you have to say
  2. I will accept you regardless of what you say”
  
  p119
  “We must discipline ourselves to speak slowly, to be sensitive to the needs and problems of the person with whom we are speaking, and to speak gently with the purpose of reducing fear.”
• 
  Katelyn

  Overall a solid book with insightful and powerful strategies on the what's, why's, and how's of true biblical encouragement. I would give it 4 stars but there are a couple serious problem areas for me, primarily in areas of sharing your own trials, expressing emotions, and allowing others to encourage you. His thoughts seem to be contrary to what I've learned from Cloud, Townsend, Scazzero, and others on the power and importance of vulnerability in community.
• 
  Lincoln Forlong

  Practical guide to being an encourager
  
  The authors walk their readers through a detailed breakdown of the interal and external issues of encouragement. Their language is straight forward with the support of many real life illustrations.
  
  This is greatly helpful, especially if your life intersects with others often and through church ministry life. This is a really good read that contains a great deal of helpful and biblically appropriate teaching.
• 
  Ariette

  Dated book but the content is timeless and great
• 
  Shaniece Norman

  Such a eye opening book
  
  I loved to read thus. I read it in my little group and it was literally amazing to read and will re-read many times
• 
  Luke Merrick

  Common sense read. The summaries are helpful at the end of the chapter to get what Crabb is communicating.
• 
  Flo

  👍
• 
  Kara

  Wow. Lots of great quotes to ponder on for a good while! Super good for myself currently, but also reminders of how to learn to truly love others well.
• 
  Katie Ortiz

  Encouragement is a short text which is easy to read and can be applied to the Christian walk through detailed scenarios, some biblical application, and drawn out steps of encouragement which are not forced or reading off a script.  I picked up this book which was recommended by another Christian author I was reading at the time and the title caught my eye because one of my top spiritual gifts is that of exhortation. The book allows for some practical discussion about encouragement and our need for encouragement in the church.  
I think I became less interested as the book ended and Dr. Dan Allender took over the last couple of chapters including scenarios with possible solutions to them.  This portion of the book somewhat seemed to defeat the purpose of mentioning how encouragement is not a set script to follow; however, upon reading through each situation- I do see where Dr. Allender was going with his points.  
The text is not the deepest read on encouragement, but I do see this to be a start- particularly, perhaps, for someone who is being slowly introduced to the importance of encouraging others or not exactly sure what this looks like/where to begin.
• 
  Jason Kanz

  Encouragement: The Unexpected Power of Building Others Up (1984/2013) by Larry Crabb and Dan Allender is an excellent book on how to speak into one another's lives. In this book, Crabb calls the reader to move beyond surface conversations to those that are 1) prompted by love and 2) directed toward fear. I suspect that many of us resonate with the first part. At least on some level, we know that what we do must come from a place of love, whatever that means. However, when Crabb talks about encouragement being directed toward fear, that may be confusing for many of us. Essentially, he makes the point that many of us hide behind layers that serve to protect us from exposure and abandonment. I have heard Dr Crabb say in the past "looking bad in the presence of love releases our true self" and I think he gets at that here.
  
  
  
  If you want to learn how to have godly, meaningful conversations, may this book be an encouragement to you. I would like to loan my copy to all of my friends, but I will likely want to read my own again first.
• 
  Jo

  This book reminded me a great deal of a Larry Crabb book that I had already read (The Marriage Builder), so part of this felt like a rehash for me. I’m not always a big fan of all the diagrams and complicated metaphors that he uses to communicate his points; at the same time, I think Crabb has some good points in this little book about encouragement.
  
  My two big takeaways were (1) the concept of having a mindset of ministry when we interact with other people, and changing the “soundtrack” in our minds from “How can I best get others to serve me” to “How can I serve others in this situation," and (2) the idea of “opening doors” in conversations rather than closing them—i.e., we are sensitive to whether someone may be referencing an underlying need for encouragement in conversation and reply with a question that lets him or her know that we would be interested in hearing more, rather than a reply that shuts him or her down.
  
  Overall, a good reminded to have a mindset of encouragement towards others in the church.
  
• 
  Tracie

  If someone were to ask you if you felt you were an encouragement to others, what would you say? For that matter, do you really understand what it even looks like? Alternatively, Have you ever shared your heart with someone only to have them slam you with advice as if they can magically solve your problem within the course of a 5 minute conversation? Frustrating, right? So What does it really mean to be an encouragement to another person ? Can we learn what that truly looks like so that we can then become the encouragement to others that we have been called to be by Christ? Yes you can and the author shows you how. I believe this is a “must” read...and for that matter a great book to read multiple times or even as a group study. Great book!
• 
  Kathryn Jones

  Very challenging and thought provoking book. Filled with biblical wisdom. I have to admit, I didn't always love it. I cried though many chapters. Most of the time, I really want people to come through for me and minister to me. I don't always want to pour into other people. Frankly, sometimes I am downright afraid of people. But when I am truly filled by the Spirit, poured into by God it overflows into other people. That is what this book is about, and that truly is what I want. Great book.
• 
  John

  This book was not what I expected. I thought it would be some sort of positive, simplistic call to say nice things. Instead, I found myself greatly challenged, spurred on, and helped in the areas of my relationship with God and others. I highly recommend this book to every Christian. The chapters are short, but full of solid content; there is no fluff or filler words in this one. Pick up a copy, read it, and let it change the way you interact with people! It will do a lot of good for the Church.
• 
  Jen

  This is not a five-step how-to book. It is a book that acknowledges that what's in a person's heart is what he speaks, and accordingly tackles problems of self-centeredness vs. ministering to others. Uses a biblical perspective, plenty of scripture, and helpful psychological insight. My most common thought while reading was "I'm going to have to change everything about how I interact with people!" I've been challenged to look to the sufficiency of Christ and consider others more important than myself, and shown better how to do that. Not a light read, but worth it!
• 
  Matthew

  I expected to find a list of verses about encouragement with some personal examples and illustrations. Instead, I found thoughtful, systematic, and useful explanations and guidance about how to encourage.
  
  "Relationships must be regarded as opportunities to promote a fuller appreciation of Christ through mirroring Christ to one another, treating each other as valuable bearers of the image of God, and accepting one another in spite of shortcomings. Too often we view relationships as nothing more than a chance to feel comfortable and to experience a measure of fulfillment."
• 
  Chris Robertson

  A surprisingly good read and not a fluffy self help book at all. The author engages the reader on the need to focus on encouraging others in their walk with the Lord. He gives a great explanation on how our own fears hinder us from encouraging others in real meaningful talk. Also, he discusses how encouraging others is a ministry that is needed in the church and convinces you of that need with good Bible base points. This book can change your whole outlook on conversations and church fellowship.
• 
  Kelly Grissom

  I really enjoyed this book. I took my time reading it. I would read a chapter and then reflect on it for several days. I didn’t expect to have so much introspection but this book really causes you to examine yourself and your own motives. There were also many tools given that I have already been putting into practice. One of the main points of the book is to address people’s fears from a place of loving them. This is what will be truly encouraging. If you are in ministry or leadership or feel God leading you to be an encourager, I highly recommend this book.