Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships Reviews

• 
  Jessica

  I really enjoyed Tawwab's first book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, so I was excited to check out this one. Most people have boundary issues with their families or that's where a lot of issues start, so it makes logical sense that her next book would be about dealing with unhealthy family relationships. Tawwab also states that many of her therapy clients come in looking for help in "dealing with" something to do with their family. And coming from a dysfunctional family herself, she has a lot of helpful advice and tips. This book is divided into three sections - unlearning dysfunction, healing, and growing. The section on growing is all chapters about troubleshooting specific family relationships - parents, children, in-laws, blended families, etc. Tawwab gives good advice and continuously reminds the reader to give yourself grace if you're trying to work through unhealthy family dynamics. I like that each chapter starts with an example pulled from her own therapy clients or her Instagram comments or messages that highlight the topic of that chapter. She also includes a chart (p. 78) of the stages of change that explains the different levels of change for someone trying to deal with family dysfunction. I think this is helpful to show that all of this is a process and there are steps you can take along the way to having healthier family relationships. It's a quick read, but it's the kind of book you might want to have on hand to refer back to in the future. Overall, I think this is a great resource if you are trying to work on creating a drama free relationship with your family.
  
  Some quotes I liked:
  
  "In dysfunctional families, 'you're mature for your age' often means this:
  - You know how to stay out of the way.
  - You're an emotional confidant for an adult.
  - You make more sense than others around you.
  - You know how to be invisible.
  - You don't cause problems." (p. 42)
  
  "You survive when you don't repeat the cycle, but you thrive when you create a new legacy and trajectory. Conscious awareness and effort are what separate someone who thrives from someone who survives. You can consciously create a different life, and those who do are known as 'cyclebreakers.'" (p. 92)
  
  "Teaching yourself what you were never taught is one of the most powerful ways to become a cyclebreaker." (p. 96)
  
  "Inauthenticity becomes a big problem when we feel we must purchase a greeting card for a family member with whom we have a dysfunctional relationship...No one talks about how hard it is to find a card for a parent with whom you don't have a healthy relationship. Greeting cards are geared toward healthy relationships, and it can be sad to be reminded of what you don't have." (p. 239-40) [I very vividly remember Tawwab's IG post about this. I honestly felt like I was the only person who struggled with this until I saw the hundreds of comments from people who also struggled.]
• 
  Kristen

  Do you struggle with any family relationships? Nedra has you covered in this book.
  
  Biggest takeaway is you can’t change others, only yourself. And being sick and tired of something may just be when you are ready to change (or not). You get to decide.
  
  Nedra is there along the way, explaining and proving helpful script options that you can use to open some conversation, or, alternatively shut them down.
  
  This will be revisited and highlighted when it is officially out!
• 
  Lisa Gray

  Full review on my Instagram @TherapyBookNook, but upshot is this book is great. So much good info - #1, you can’t change other people. #2, you don’t HAVE to have relationships with people solely because they are your family!
• 
  Jennifer Chen

  I loved her first book and this one is just as excellent. Full of great information and concrete, practical ways to handle a whole range of relationship issues.
• 
  Raya P

  Once again, Nedra hits the nail on the head with direct, honest, and concise advice for dealing with challenging family relationships. Honestly, I find a lot of this applicable to relationships with friends and chosen family. A great guidebook to managing family relationships and a complementary tool to assist one’s own therapeutic journey.
• 
  J

  So helpful and I've added it to my favorites shelf;) I've been following this author on Instagram and I love how she explains relationship dysfunction in a non-accusatory way. I especially related to the section on siblings b/c my brother and I have done a lot of work separately on trying to understand our parents, but we both have some different perspectives on the past (and present) b/c we weren't raised the exactly the same.
  
  My brother and I have two different biological fathers, are different genders, very different personalities, and grew up when our folks who raised us had different levels of time, patience and income. The marriage was in a different place when our caregivers were raising us. Sometimes it's hard to feel connected to my younger sibling when he says things that feel so different from how I experienced them, but it's still validating to know that we see a lot of the same things too--and we get along okay, regardless.
  
  In my husband's family, I see so much of this dynamic playing out with his cousins. My husband's aunt and uncle went from raising their older 2 girls in a deeply religious group that sounded very cult-like, and after they broke free from that, the younger 3 daughters were raised with more freedom and less religious dogma. There's a lot of resentment within the siblings, and a big difference in how they all relate to their caregivers. It was nice for me to see that other families experience this big disconnect too, and I like the way that the author discusses it in this book.
  
  I think this is a good read for anyone who's done a lot of research into the problematic issues (or members) of their family, but not much reading of how these issues impact the entire family as a system. It's good to step back sometimes and see it holistically, rather than trying to zero in on one member who's emotionally immature--or one issue (like boundaries)--to see how it all works together.
  
  I loved that Nedra narrated this in the audio-version as well.
• 
  January

  Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab
  7h 36m narrated by the author, 288 pages
  
  Genre: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Personal Development, Counselling, Love
  
  Featuring: Not Therapy, Parents, Culture Values, Familial Relationships, Dysfunction Families, ACE Scores, You Can Not Change People, Journaling Prompts, Healing, Growing, Books
  
  Quotes: "Critical thinking is a threat to unhealthy systems, and questions make people think."
  
  Rating as a movie: PG-13
  
  My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
  
  My thoughts: 📱10% 43:22 Ch. 2: Boundary Violations, Codependency, and Enmeshment - This is more of the same with a deeper look at familial relationships and childhood influences.
  📱31% 2:21:23 Part Two: Ch. 6: Resisting the Urge to Operate in Dysfunction - Some of these stories are wild, so many people are self-centered and unaware.
  📱55% 4:13:10 Ch. 10: Building Support Outside Your Family - Chapter 9 was very good. I'm going to ruminate on this, by reading something else lol, and revisit it tomorrow.
  
  This book was fantastic. I think it is her best book yet. Perfect for those who wish to navigate family dynamics and grow in contentment.
  
  Recommend to others?: Yes. Even if you don’t have dysfunction in your life you can benefit immensely from this knowledge.
• 
  Victoria Ortega

  "I am no longer a child in a dysfunctional home. I'm an adult with the ability to make healthy choices, create boundaries, and live the life that I create...I can learn things I was never taught, including how to be in healthy relationships, how to feel, how to care for myself, how to be assertive, and how to deal with problems in a healthy way."
  
  Powerful. As is usual with Nedra's works for me, I found it both difficult to put this book down (even when I emotionally needed a break from it), as well as wishing it was longer: though this book was certainly thorough (I loved the addition of the extra articles and books she included at the end for additional reading), it was such a goldmine of information and definitely something I can see myself returning to again and again.
  
  Even those who come from a healthy family dynamic could benefit from this book - Nedra included a great chapter on Parenting for those who are not yet parents or stepparents, and I especially loved the point she made on how adults are experts on childhood, because whether it was good or bad, we all had one.
  
  Another excellent read by Nedra. Looking forward to more future works from her.
• 
  Panda Incognito

  This book shares good information and practical advice, but it's very repetitive and not well-organized, often covering the same topics in very similar ways over different chapters. Also, this book is primarily for people from highly dysfunctional backgrounds who have limited insight into their circumstances and lack basic coping skills.
  
  People who have already done a great deal of processing and reflection about their dysfunctional backgrounds are unlikely to find much new information here, even though the examples, bullet point lists, and talking points will still be validating and encouraging. If someone has only minor issues in their family relationships, it is unlikely that this book will be very helpful, since the parts of the book that apply to them are often too basic to be game-changers.
• 
  Ms.Blkbelle Reads🌸

  I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It is a valuable resource for those that have complex family relationships. This book was broken down into 3 Parts:
  
  1.Unlearning Dysfunction
  2.Healing
  3.Growing
  
  I’m glad to say that I am transitioning from the healing ❤️‍🩹 stage to the Growing 📈stage.
  This is like a bundle of family therapy sessions in a book. I would recommend the audiobook. And yes, the author narrates it!
  It discusses all types of family relationships from immediate family to in-laws. 😅 Every topic may not apply so it’s ok to skip around to the topics that apply to you. I listened to everything because I can use the information I gleaned, to help others or have as a tool for myself if needed. The topics and scenarios were very realistic and practical.
  I also would recommend the physical copy because it has exercises to do.
• 
  Paula

  Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear advice for recognizing dysfunctional relationships and focuses on ways to manage our own behaviors and mindsets rather than trying to change others. This book encompasses a wide variety of familial relationships so you can dip into chapters that are relevant to your own situation, and you can dip into other chapters to build compassion for friends and others who may be trying to deal with difficult situations. Big take away- being honest with ourselves about our role in relationships and being responsible for our own behaviors and mental health will be much more productive than trying to change others-we can't.
• 
  📚BRIaREADER📚

  Tawwab’s “Drama Free” was refreshingly reaffirming. My highlighter and fine tip pen were my constant companions throughout reading this page-turner. She validated my current practices as well as gave me the language for my experiences.
  I am grateful to be in an internal space where I am able to receive this information.
  This could have easily been shelved as being “unfinished” had I not already been knee-deep in doing “the work”. I am now inspired to revisit and finish reading some of the others.
  Thank you, Nedra, for this book, for your guest appearance on RTT, and for having a nearby practice here in CLT! You rock!😍
  
• 
  Kate-Lynn Holmes

  LOVE Nedra!! She tells it how it is and does it from a place of love and self focus.
  
  Just like her first book “Set Boundaries Find Peace”, this book is great reference material! Its one to keep close by for when a situation arises. Not all topics will currently apply, and some parts may not resonate with any past experience.. but most of her material is common relational issues that many of us will face at some point or another. Equip yourself to handle them with as much grace as possible by reading these books!!
• 
  Jasmine Perkins Pate

  Drama Free by Nedra Tawwab is a guide to life. It embodies a mindful tone, rich examples, and provides healthy alternatives of how we can break free from dysfunctional relationship patterns. This book empowers me to take my power back; I am reminded that I have a choice in creating the life that I want, including being in healthy and reciprocal relationships. Thank you Nedra for such an enriching read.
• 
  Megan

  I read this as part of the early release team and I could not put it down! It is an easy read with amazing information on how to set boundaries and why they are important. As someone who has cut contact with both parents, this was a really helpful read. Reading books about the damage created when you aren't taught strong boundaries and individuality really helps me not feel so alone. I love Nedra and her writing style.
• 
  Kathy

  What an excellent book! This is so much better than I expected - full of helpful, concise, practical advice for real life situations, and so readable that I had trouble putting it down. There is so much useful information here that it's hard to take it all in. I will definitely be revisiting this read.
  
  There's not a person on the planet who couldn't be helped by reading this book. Don't miss it!
• 
  Jenna

  Can’t recommend it enough.
  
  It covers not only family relationships, but every type of relationship. Friendship, coworkers.
  
  It was an excellent reminder that we cannot change people, and more importantly that we shouldn’t change ourselves.
  
  We have to accept people for the way they are and adjust our interactions with them as needed.
• 
  Bre Neumann

  Nedra’s Instagram is a great resource. The book was helpful, but it felt like it was Instagram posts formed into choppy chapters. I would have liked to have seen expansion on certain things and a more traditional chapter setup. That being said, still a great resource to aid in navigating dysfunctional family dynamics.
• 
  Chrisdee

  Nedra delivers really direct and concise ways to set boundaries and manage unhealthy family relationships. There is great tangible ways that are offered here for dealing with a wide variety of issues and helpful tips on how to implement changes.
• 
  Alaina

  Cannot recommend this book enough. Incredibly insightful, validating, and helpful in ways to manage not just unhealthy dynamics but, for me, managing my own knee-jerk, trauma-responses to completely normal, non-threatening situations.
• 
  Carrie Shepeard

  The book I never knew I needed. So much validation, education and inspiration. For anyone who feels like they are alone on an island dealing with the pain of unhealthy family relationships, this book is a saving grace.
• 
  Priscilla

  Nedra is a very good communicator, plus she knows her subjects in debt.
  
  I previously listened to her other book about boundaries, which i connected more with. And I think everybody should listen to.
• 
  Holly Pablo Monasterial

  Note to self: pre-ordered 1/8/23
• 
  Tamika

  Excellent book!