| Title | : | To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1576837319 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781576837313 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Paperback |
| Number of Pages | : | 202 |
| Publication | : | First published February 1, 2006 |
To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father Reviews
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For some reason this book isn't considered one of Donald Miller's "greatest hits" but I consider this book one of my all time favorites. If you know anyone who grew up without their father, hand this to them. Miller gears this book toward males, but it was very relevant for me as a female. It is sad, but I've suspected for a long time this book didn't do so well because of the cover - it is really ugly.
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As someone who struggled with hearing. “You have a father in heaven who loves you” or “He’s a father to the fatherless. “ Then struggling to believe that. This nook was a great read for me. I was convicted as I read and ultimately came to the realization that just because I had an absent father here. Doesn’t mean God, My Heavenly Father, is the same. Donald miller writes so well and genuinely shares his struggles or not having his dad. Which I would think, “Same here!” As I read.
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This might be a five star. I found this book to be thoughtfully written and thought-provoking. I grew up having a great relationship with my father. Miller, however, grew up with a mostly absent father. This book contains his reflections on the place of fatherhood in society and how the absence of fathers affect us. (Eighty-five percent of prison inmates grew up in a fatherless home.)
I like his observations about family. He talks a lot about how parents instill purpose into the lives of their children. Miller has a great quote from Eisenhower about how his dad always taught him that world needed him to be a good person. He contrasts this with his own childhood where he felt like a burden to his single-parent family (though he praises, not criticizes his mother). His discussion of this difference between feeling needed and feeling like a burden is something I'm still thinking about.
Though this book seems to be mostly directed to those who have been abandoned or ignored by their fathers, I found a lot in this to ponder. I recommend this to most any adult, especially anyone with kids or anyone who intends to have them someday. -
Some interesting and insightful parts, but it is very God heavy, and probably not for you if you're not a practicing Christian.
Found myself either gripped or rolling my eyes. -
Great way to see the effects of fatherless ness and the solution of Christ
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Donald Miller says that this book is really just for men who were raised without fathers - in this he is wrong. Because it is also, apparently, for women who were raised by such men, men who repeat the same patterns their fathers taught them, even if they physically remain in the home. I fall into the latter, and so much of my heart was articulated on the pages of this book. I understand more of what it is like to be a fatherless boy and I understand more of myself.
(And the I intend to re-read the conversation that he has with Texas frat boys about sex over and over so that I can magically morph into Don when my kids ask All The Questions.) -
As always, Don knocks it out of the park. Terrific insight on a difficult subject. I was hooked from the prologue. I think you will be, too.
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If I sell this book a little short, keep in mind I'm not the target audience.
FATHER FICTION is primarily aimed at young men who grew up without fathers, but it's highly applicable to young people in general. It's a wise little book that would make a great high school graduation gift.
However, now that I'm married and pushing 40, I've had time to learn most of these life lessons the hard way. Furthermore, I grew up with the best dad a kid could hope for, so I'm not plagued with any issues in that regard. (The worst thing my dad ever did was forbid me from watching JURASSIC PARK in the theater).
The honesty with which Donald Miller tackles spiritual concepts is always refreshing, and FATHER FICTION strikes me as exactly the sort of book he was born to write. Having read all his other memoirs, I confess to growing a bit tired of hearing so much about his personal life...but, again, that's just me.
I consider this book a must-read for anyone raised without a father. Even if you have a father, it's a should-read for anyone in high school or their first couple years of college. But if you're a well-adjusted middle-aged guy with a wife and kids, you can probably skip it. Not that reading it would be a bad idea--just that it wasn't written with you in mind. -
This is basically a memoir from a popular author who shares his life story and the struggles as someone who grew up without a father. I found the book easy to read and understand and quite funny at times. I respect his authenticy and honestly as he shared his struggles and stumbles towards healing and what it means to be a man. It reminded me of how important community can be in filling in the gaps of the things - emotional and character development - many of us missed growing up in less than healthy families. I also respect his efforts to help other guys who lack fathers and positive role models.
I am giving the book 3 stars because although there were some nuggets of wisdom a lot of what I read was review for me and I didn't learn much in regards to relationships and personal growth and healing. -
I’m not saying this was a particularly mind-blowing book, nor the best I’ve read, but gosh was it funny and comforting. I enjoyed it immensely.
It’s a collection of scattered anecdotes about life, manhood, fatherlessness, and fatherhood. It’s Don’s way of espousing the necessary knowledge for actualizing into a mature man, while also being wildly open about his thoughts and blunders, which I often found comforting seeing as many of his thoughts mirrored my own.
I felt encouraged, understood, and forced to think about things I don’t often like to think about. It’s an easy and pleasant read. Would recommend! -
What's it like to grow up without a father? Miller puts into words what I struggle to express. It's amazing how accurate his feelings mirror my own--about God, about family--and several times I found myself saying, "Me too!"
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Don is a brilliant writer. His humor and wit is unmatched. For the sheltered ones of us his expressions can be blunt and borderline crass. However his journey to manhood is worth reading. The last line is beautiful, “it is not that we would be ignorant victims, but wounded healers.”
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I just finished reading Don Miller's To Own a Dragon. It was a great read, although, someone will have to explain the title to me.
Reading Don Miller is a lot of fun. He makes you think. Blue Like Jazz was the book that put Miller on the map. My favorite book of Don's is Searching for God Knows What. Don knocked it out of the park with that one. I couldn't hang in there long enough to enjoy Through Painted Deserts, but my wife liked it.
To Own a Dragon was good, though. Miller really does have a writing style that is engaging and keeps the reader turning pages. I had a difficult time with one chapter: MANHOOD: The Right Equipment. In this chapter, Miller takes pot shots at all that we real men hold dear like NASCAR, football, trucks, eating wild game, and Promise Keepers rallies. And he didn't seem to care for Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge, either. But the most disturbing thing in that chapter is he said that "God's definition of a real man is a person with a penis!" All you need to be a man is to own a penis - hey, maybe that's what the title means.
Apart from that, I loved the book. The book is mostly about the mentors Don had in his life. He dedicates the book to men who are mentoring younger men and I love that. Don tells about elephants in one chapter; that part of the growth cycle in a male elephant's life is to be mentored by an older, experienced male elephant role model. Older elephants teach younger elephants how life works. If, for some reason, this very natural cycle is interupted, elephants grow up violent and dis-oriented in their world. Miller then explains that 85% of men in prison grow up without a father.
This book is full of wisdom and great information for guys who have a heart to disciple young men and teach what it means to be a man that follows Christ. Definitely pick it up.
Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt in the movie Fight Club, ranted about being part of generation abandoned by fathers and raised by women. Miller's book would have quenched Tyler's rage. But that would have ruined a really manly ending to the movie.
http://mondokblog.blogspot.com/2006/0... -
This is the third book I have read by Donald Miller. The other two are Blue like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What. I am a big fan of the way Miller writes. His books make me laugh and they also make me contemplate. He has a way of writing that makes it feel like you are having a conversation with him.
This book is about growing up without a father and the affect that can have on your life. My father was an active part of my life, but in my line of work with youth at our church I run into kids who don't have an active father figure. So, I thought this book would have some valuable insights for me on a professional level.
I was right about the valuable insights. There are a few statistics that are of interest but the best part about this book is hearing Miller talk about his thoughts on not having a dad around growing up. It's a good perspective to hear since I don't have a frame of reference for that kind of thing. This book also talks about the struggles Miller had with accepting God as a father figure. I had never thought about that aspect of things before. I can see now how you would struggle with the notion of God as a father figure if you didn't have a good benchmark of a father in your own life. Throughout the book Miller talks about little things along the way in life that brought him a little closer to the idea of God as a father. It is a very thought provoking book.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone that works with kids or has had trouble with father figures in their life. It is a great read and well worth the time spent.
Overall Rating: 5/5 -
To Own A Dragon is soon to be re-released under a different title, relative more deftly to the elephant's referenced in the writings.
I have to admit, I am a fatherless child as well, but I did not respond to this book at all the way I thought I would. Mr. Miller's prose, although hauntingly beautiful and powerful in its simplicity, told the story of a boy thrust into adulthood unprepared and ill-equipped due to the lack of a father in his life. It seemed, given our similar childhood experiences, I would have some deep, intrinsic understanding of Mr. Miller's perspectives and situation. I didn't, and, honestly, I still don't.
That said, I adore this book. It is one of my absolute favorites (if not just my absolute favorite) for its direct honesty and complete lack of pretense. The stories flow into each other as if Mr. Miller grabbed a cup of coffee (or a beer) with a friend, and just opened up his personal history books to share with the world. It's relevant, honest, tragic at times, and shows why Mr. Miller is this generation's Hemingway (sans the inbred cats and alcohol-laced bitterness). -
What can I say? It is a Donald Miller book. If you like his books, you'll like this. If you don't, then you probably won't. He has a natural way of showing his life--complete with struggles, victories, embarrassing experiences. I've seen Miller lumped in with some emergent thinkers; I've talked with many who would prefer to keep him out of that group. Part of this reason is likely because when you get to the end of his books you don't really know where he stands on some things--some important things. But, this seems to be a book from his heart. He grew up without a father in his house; I didn't. This book would probably speak to a different person differently. But, the point that God is our father--regardless of whether we grew up with a dad or not--is an important one to make. While there are things I could quibble about, I'm not going to, because he makes some good points. And, if nothing else, I enjoy reading his books; they make me laugh. And think.
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"A man ain't nothin but a man. But a son? Well now that's somebody." So says Baby Suggs.
And Don Miller tries to convince you in this book that God himself is trying to Father you, that he views you as a son and is willing to enjoy your presence, not just put up with you. It also has a lot to say about the mundane effects of fatherhood and its lack-- for instance that 85% of the people in our prisons grew up without fathers.
This book was pretty transformational the first few times I read it (I'm now realizing it may have actually destroyed my writing ability, as I tried for years to get by with an approximation of Miller's funny, light touch but without the skill set), but this is the first time I read it as a father.
THE FEELS -
Donald Miller is easy to read and very engaging with his reader. He is able to approach potentially difficult subjects in an uncomplicated manner, which is the secret to his success.
This book will help those who have grown up without the presence of a father, whether through death, abandonment or any other circumstance. It also affirms the role of a mother - particularly the single one.
It is a very enjoyable yet uplifting read. -
This was an excellent and simple read. There were many times that I, very loudly, laughed out loud at some of the stuff Miller wrote about. Some of the hilarity had to do how I could relate with a lot of his life experience even while having a different story. I think that this really helped awaken areas that are still healing in me and pressed them onto greater healing.
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Speechless. Though this book was geared towards men, any woman that grew up with an absent father can benefit. Don provides wisdom, humor, and a beautiful picture of the amazing God we serve. I can never get enough of Donald Miller's words. -
I'm not a man, nor did I grow up without a father, but this book spoke to broken places and reminded me what God's fathering of me can look like.
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I love everything Donald Miller writes - this one because it helps me understand my husband better. So grateful he shared his own journey and pain so others (like me) could connect with it.
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Very readable. I can relate even though I didn't grow up fatherless. There are also lesson and mistakes to avoid for my own sons.
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"...I clapped, and I meant it. It felt good to take a stand for somebody who nobody else was taking a stand for." (24)
"All my life I have been fascinated by stuff that isn't there." (29)
"I am not going to tell you it was easy. There were times I would have rather lived on my own, played my music as loud as I wanted, come home drunk, whatever. But playing your music as loud as you want and coming home drunk aren't real life. Real life, it turns out, is diapers and lawnmowers, decks that need painting, a wife that needs to be listened to, kids that need to be taught right from wrong, a checkbook, an oil change, a sunset behind a mountain, laughter at a kitchen table, too much wine, a chipped tooth, and a screaming child. The lessons I learned in the four years I spent with John and Terri will stay with me forever." (43)
"Dwight Eisenhower said his mother and father made an assumption that set the course of his life - that the world could be fixed of its problems if every child understood the necessity of their existence. Eisenhower's parents assumed if their children weren't alive, their family couldn't function." (47)
"'He did it, but He did it for us.' [the world]
'Us?' I questioned. 'You mean you and me?'
'Us,' John stated. 'He did it for His children. That is what beauty is for. All this beauty exists so you and I can see His glory, His artwork. It's like an invitation to worship Him, to know Him.'
'You think?' I said, softly, after a half-reflective pause.
'Absolutely, Don. Beauty doesn't make any sense apart from God giving a gift to His children. Think about it. Is there a Darwinian explanation for beauty? Not really. It's a love letter, that's all. It's this massive letter to creation inviting us to enjoy Him.'" (57)
"I wondered if sliding our arms around a woman's hips wasn't a kind of infantile introduction to the metaphysical. If I allow myself, I can see God holding up flashcards as I fall in love with a woman, cards that say, this is love, I am like this love, only better." (67)
"God is fathering me. God is fathering us. I know that if God loves me and wants me to succeed as much as John loves his kids and wants them to succeed, then life cannot be hopeless." (81)
"Sometimes I think the reason we don't like certain people is because we feel insecure around them . . . we are drawn to those who validate us and affirm us, and we resist those who don't." (86)
"In the end, women are really attracted to guys who have their crap together." (111)
"There are certain girls who are attracted to the criminal type, but I have never been attracted to those girls, so it wouldn't help me." (113)
"'Fine then. You have made a good decision. This is the first rule of chess. Make good decisions. The only possible way you can lose in chess, and for that matter in life itself, is to make bad decisions. If you do not make bad decisions, you will not lose in chess, or in life. And the more good decisions you make the better your life will be. It is as easy as that. Who else would like to learn to play chess?' [Salome Thomas-El] . . . These are not the sons of doctors and lawyers, they are kids without fathers. But they learned what their fathers should have taught them. They've learned to make good decisions." ( 117)
"I don't know how many months, how many years I spent sitting and watching television, complaining to myself about how boring life was." (120) // my favorite realization was that i could watch life, living vicariously through characters, or i could be life.
"'I don't know,' Tony said. 'It's just that with my wife with Aimee, I've come to the conclusion I don't deserve her. I really don't. And the fact she would want to spend the rest of her life with me strikes me as incredible. I'm grateful, is all I am saying.' . . . 'Just saying that I think we can use other people, romantic stuff, to validate ourselves. It has nothing to do with love. And when you find love, or when you are mature enough to understand it, the feeling you get is gratitude. I'm not saying I am mature by any means,' Tony continued, 'but when I wake up in the morning and look at my wife sleeping next to me, I am sometimes overcome that another human being would want to share her life with me.'" (134)
"'Yeah, I think it's wrong,' I started in. 'But let's not turn the idea of right and wrong into coloring book material. This is a very complex subject. Sin, if we want to call it sin, is stuff that we do that God doesn't like, and the reason He doesn't like it is because He loves us, He is fathering us, and when we sin, we weaken ourselves, we confuse ourselves, we practice immaturity. He doesn't like that, not because He wants to feel powerful or right, but because He wants what is best for us. That's the first thing we have to remember about all of this.'" (138)
"'We watched what happened when the value of currency declined rapidly. It's not a good thing. Sex is like that. God is concerned with the value of sex staying high. It's important to a person's health, a family's health, and a society's health. But like anything, sex can be cheapened in our minds, so we don't hold it in high esteem. God doesn't think this is a good thing. Stuff God doesn't think is good is called sin.'
'What happens when sex is cheapened?' somebody asked.
'A lot happens. The main thing is there is no sacred physical territory associated with commitment. There can still be emotional territory, but there isn't anything physical, experiential, that a man and a woman have only with each other. Sleeping around does something to the heart, to the mind. It leaves less commodity to spend on a sacred mate . . . So when sex gets cheapened, we are getting what we want without having to pay for it.'" (139) // in Starship Troopers Heinlein says value of a thing involves two perspectives: what use said thing is to him and what the thing costs him to get it.
"In the end, [of Dr. Alfred Kinsey's research into Sex, Gender, and Reproduction in the late 50s early 60s] Kinsey realized sex cannot be removed from love, that the strictly physical cannot be understood in isolation from the poetic or romantic, that, in fact, animal behavior must be tempered by morality stemming from something spiritual." (145)
"'All work is good work. . . . I dug septic systems. I literally dug out people's crap and sucked it up into a tanker truck. And that is honorable. . . the work was honorable. It made me a better person. Nobody should be ashamed of the work they do. They should do it with pride and do it right." [John MacMurray] (163)
"Work is worship." (165)
"Some people find beauty in music, some in painting, and some in landscape, but I find it in words. By beauty, I mean the feeling you have glimpsed another world, or looked into a portal that reveals a kind of magic or romance out of which the world has been constructed, a feeling there is something more than the mundane, and a reason for our plodding. The portal is different for everyone. Many of my friends find it by studying physics or math, some from biology or music, but for me it has become literature." (176)
"I felt in reading her [Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek] we do not read books to learn, we do not learn to succeed, we learn because in doing so we experience something like the pleasure God felt in the act of creation. We discover His handiworks with Him." (179) -
Although I grew up with a wonderful father and can't relate to Don in that particular way, I think the struggle to figure out what a real man is and if you qualify is something that all males deal with at one point or another. Don's insights from his own journey down that road are profound, funny, and well worth taking some time to mediate on. This book is a great, quick read for any man looking to more fully understand his role in this world and who isn't afraid of the gut-level honest conversation that most males tend to shy away from. A really good read!
Favorite Quote: "What I am saying is there had to come a point when I started taking responsibility for my life. I had to start opening envelopes, even if I didn't feel like it. I had to, because if I didn't I knew I would become one of these guys whose car is filled with newspapers and fast-food wrappers and stuffed animals in the back window. It's not just opening mail that I had to deal with. I had to show up for work on time. I had to pay taxes. I had to get car insurance. It's hard to believe I spent ten years of my life in an irresponsible fog, just kind of feeling that if I ignored the demands they would go away, or I could please ignorance. But the hard truth is the demands don't change, they just get bigger, more adult, and the consequences of neglect get worse until pretty soon everything comes crashing down... In the end, women are attracted to guys who have their crap together." -
I think the author would agree, this book hardly represents his best writing. It does, however, offer his most helpful book to a critically important audience—fatherless boys and men. Its raw honesty and vulnerability, not to mention its readability, deserves 4 stars! For men and boys who've grown up without the grounding force of a good father this book will minister compassion, wisdom, truth, and help. In fact, even for my two teenage boys, who've enjoyed the immense privilege of a great father, a few key chapters will communicate, far better than their middle-aged parents, how to navigate with godly insight the complex issues they face today. I'm grateful that Donald Miller has studied his deep fatherless wounds and written a book to help today's boys and men, even those who aren't fatherless.
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3.5 stars
I always love reading Donald Miller. I read Blue Like Jazz back in 2011, and even though I'm not a religious person, I really enjoyed reading his take on spirituality and his experiences. This book was similar to me. It kept my attention and challenged me. I appreciated the spirituality in this book as well, even though I couldn't necessarily relate. There were some things that I didn't personally agree with - especially the chapter on Sex - but I could see where he was coming from.
Even though there were some things I couldn't relate to, there was plenty that I could. I loved reading about his relationship with the MacMurray's and how it helped to shape him. I particularly appreciated his sentiments about love, forgiveness, and challenges in life. Overall, a good read. Looking forward to reading more of his books, and seeing him speak in a few weeks! -
I actually read the 2nd release of this book called "Father Fiction". This is the young Donald Miller, flailing around, figuring out life and telling the reader in his baldly honest way about the struggles of his life. He is endearing, thought provoking, and humorous in his clueless bumbling through life, never giving up in his pursuit of the truth.
When I listen to his podcast (called Building a Storybrand), it is hard to reconcile the lost kid he was with the wise and successful man he has become. Donald Miller is an excellent writer and a remarkable human. I love his writing, his teaching, his entire way of relating, and it would be fantastic to know him in person!
