Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World Reviews

• 
  Polly Trout

  You only need to read one of Rosenberg's books to learn everything you need to know about Nonviolent Communication, and of the two I think this is the better one -- it is more recent and his thinking is more developed than in the original manifesto, "Nonviolent Communication." Rosenberg's work fascinates me and has been extremely useful to me. I'm working on putting together a workshop for people who work in homeless youth services about how his ideas can help us make our programs more user friendly and ethical. There are also aspects of his work that trouble me and frustrate me, the most important being that I generally distrust all self help systems that promise that all your problems can be solved in ten steps or less by following a tightly structured program. More on this later, let's start with what Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is and what parts of it I have found useful.
  
  NVC is a style of conversation that tries to help people connect more deeply and authentically by focusing on their feelings, needs, and shared human experience rather than their intellectual paradigms and points of conflict. As a worldview, it is deeply rooted in Asian traditions as filtered through the American New Religious Movements on the left/progressive/liberal end of the spectrum. (If your worldview already aligns with that, you will like NVC; if not, it will drive you up the wall). NVC is "a giving and receiving of messages that center on two very important questions: What's alive in us? and What can we do to make life more wonderful?" The technique centers around avoiding judgments and blaming, while articulating feelings and needs without blame or criticism. The intention of NVC is "to create the quality of connection with other people and oneself that allows compassionate giving to take place." NVC accepts as an axiom that human beings are basically good, and that evil arises from ignorance of our true natures and miseducation concerning how to properly communicate with ourselves and others.
  
  One useful idea in this book is the reminder that there is often a disconnect between what we think is motivating our thoughts and behaviour, and what the actual motivation is. We move through life, and emotions arise; we make up stories in our head about where those emotions come from, and what to do with them. These stories may or may not be accurate or helpful. When we are having a conflict with another person, it is sometimes useful to focus on the feelings and needs behind the story, rather than the story itself.
  
  This book has a lot of useful advice and strategies that can be added to your "communication toolbox," but by itself it is not a complete set of communication skills, and taken literally and at face value, I don't think it is a very healthy and balanced diet of communication strategies. Sometimes, it is good to avoid judgment. Sometimes, the most compassionate, honest, and appropriate thing to do is call bullshit. It depends on the motivations and context. Another (fabulous!) book I read this week was "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. In talking about how her liberal Dutch boss tried to censor her when she first started writing editorials (because he felt they were too inflammatory), she writes, "I was learning that in these extremely civilized circles, conflict is dealt with in a very ornate and hypocritical manner." At its worst, NVC is ornate and hypocritical.
  
  That being said, the book has had a positive, radical, and transformative impact on my thinking, because I have been obsessing all week on this question: What if, every moment of every day, I did remain completely focused on how to make life as wonderful as possible for as many people as possible? What if, in every exchange with another person, I consistently looked for the words and actions that would have the greatest positive impact on our lives, both my life and the person I am talking to? And I don't just mean finding the words to diffuse tension right this second, but in the biggest possible sense of using each moment to teach and learn and share and connect?
  
  This book is most helpful if you pay attention to the spirit and motivation behind it, and take it with a grain of salt, ignoring the sometimes fundamentalist and rigid language that is used to express the concepts the author is trying to get across. (Ironically, Rosenberg uses words like "always" and "never" a lot). NVC is sometimes called compassionate conversation. Compassion is crucial, but it is not enough. We need compassion AND wisdom, kindness AND honesty, open-mindedness AND rational discernment. Sometimes it is good to just observe and avoid judgment. And sometimes, as Ayaan Hirsi Ali demonstrates, we move more quickly and efficiently towards social justice when we are honest, strong, and brave enough to stand up and firmly articulate our experience and beliefs, even when that leads to anger and conflict. Avoiding unnecessary conflict is skillful and compassionate. Selling out our ideals in order to avoid necessary conflict is narcissistic and cowardly.
• 
  J. B. Rainsberger

  On one hand, I learned very little new from this book, but on the other hand, this book put its central ideas together in a way that seems likely to help me use them. Reading this book triggered me to change some skeptical views I held about NVC, since it seems that I already consciously practise quite a lot of what I found in it. I come away from this book feeling greater confidence in my practice related to everyday communication, and more conscious of the power of taking greater care to do so with less violence.
• 
  Magdelanye

  
  Our actions and our failure to act in the face of growing violence shapes the world and determines our future. p6
  
  NVC is combination of thinking and language, as well as a means of using power designed to serve a specific intention...to create the quality of connection with other people and oneself that allows compassionate giving to take place. p16
  In NVC we want to increase power, but power WITH people, not over them. p164
  
  Violence comes because of how we were educated, not because of our nature. p18
  It's the structure that's the problem, not individuals. p110
  
  Marshall B Rosenberg is a troubadour for peace, and he has travelled the world bringing it wherever it is needed. That would be everywhere. Be prepared to be surprised by some of his most counter-intuitive recommendations, and to drop some cherished misconceptions.
  
  The cause of our feelings is not other peoples behavior, it's our needs....What the other person did is a stimulus for our feelings, not the cause....Unfortunately, we were educated in guilt-inducing ways by authorities... who use guilt to mobilize us to do what they wanted. p35
  
  According to Rosenberg, the whole paraphernalia of judgement, rewards and punishments and the incubation of guilt are absolutely the wrong approach to peacemaking.
  
  Telling people what's wrong with them is suicidal and tragic- besides, it's ineffective. p29
  The goal isn't to intellectually understand it; the goal is empathically connecting with it. p80
  
  Key to his methodology is the imperative to identify ones own needs, and what is most alive in us. Cultivating mindfulness and gratitude goes a long way to achieving this.
  
  If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we are going. p109
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• 
  Mike Savage

  Helped me reconfigure some of my communication styles. Worth the time. I got the impression early in Obama's campaign and somewhat in his early term that he knew of and espoused some of Rosenberg's ideals. Guessing that if true, Obama found the challenge to implement the concepts in such a high voltage political environment challenging if not imposible.
• 
  Vlad Stavarache

  I am really grateful for this book and this man's work (watched youtube videos before).
  I think everybody should study and understand the principles of NVC. If you ever felt uncertain on the way to go in handling conflict, read and practice this.
• 
  Kevin Orth

  Everyone would benefit from reading this
  
  The techniques are simple, the principles are universally applicable, access to the insight is at our fingertips, ramifications are beyond words.
• 
  John Stepper

  I adore Rosenberg’s work. His writing, how workshops (that I’ve only seen on YouTube, alas), his field work, his attitude & approach. A delicious blend of mindfulness + practical communications skills.
  
  I wish he wrote more! Next I will explore his pamphlets and videos, perhaps eventually NVC training too. I feel very much like he discovered something very important, and that we just need to make it easier to put into practice & spread...
• 
  Bruna Rangel

  Temos aqui um resumo da CNV e mais casos práticos. Além disso, há alguns casos específicos de como utilizar a CNV certos ambientes como corporações e escolas.
  
  Recomendo primeiramente ler o livro principal, Comunicação Não Violenta, e ler esse e outros como complemento.
  
  Quem me acompanha por aqui sabe que leio bastante sobre o assunto e quanto eu acho importante e transformador aprender tudo isso que o Marshall nos disponibilizou.
• 
  Ján

  Simple, but not easy. I really like the NVC concept and this book provides both the philosophy behind it and really specific examples. Worth reading (and trying out the exercises).
• 
  Todd Porter

  An welcome expansion of Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life
  
  In Speak Peace..., Marshall Rosenberg builds on the foundation he laid in Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life. He applies his communication methodology to the peacemaking so desperately needed with ourselves, our relationships, and our world. Written in a simple, conversational style, this book is an easy read. The work is in applying it, but it’s good work. May your peacemaking efforts grow through your encounter with this book.
• 
  Anna

  The message of this book was wonderful. I have been aware of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), but have not yet had a chance to read the primary book on it. During a discussion about how I would like to do more work in facilitating civil conversation and understanding in our world, the minister who supervises me recommended this book.
  
  Roughly the first half of the book talks about NVC mechanics and how you can apply them in your own life and personal relationships, with some exercises which are meant to assist you in applying what you've learned (I didn't find the exercises all that helpful, but they may be for others who need to start with the basics). The second half goes on to talk about how NVC can help in larger contexts - within the community, as well as in changing societal systems. It's the second part which is a little skimpy, I feel. In all fairness, the focus of the book is on personal conduct and speech (as is obvious from the title), but I do wish that there was a little more meat on how to practically go about making the lofty changes to which the author aspires, in line with his techniques.
  
  The writing style is quite simple, which in a sense was a blessing for me, since I am a slow reader (especially if the text is dense). It made it simple to read, although I thought that some of the quoted conversation pieces throughout the book were over-simplified.
  
  There were some radical messages introduced in this book which will take me a little while to work through (i.e. "Apology is part of our violent language," "Praise and Compliments as Damaging Judgments"), but I'm thankful to be exposed to them, as it creates many more avenues of interesting viewpoints I'd like to explore.
  
  Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who would like an introduction to NVC and/or a quick read on uplifting examples of how it can be used as a force for honesty and genuine connection when working for social justice in our diverse world.
• 
  Anastasia

  I needed more concrete examples that.gave the back and forth between participants. The author wrote of problems but no solutions were given.
  He also spent most of the time tooting bis own horn. I do not need to be sold on the system I am already reading the book.
• 
  Josh

  The most entertaining and uplifting of Marshalls work for people who aren't sure if this nonviolence thing has relevance outside of how I talk to my girlfriend.
• 
  Haikaa Yamamoto

  Mr Rosenberg's non-violent communication techniques are very clear and profound.
• 
  Mike Polen

  I think nonviolent communication should be learned by all.
• 
  SilverShroud

  - this idealistic conflict-less method will make better progress in developing countries instead of in America, as there are fewer right-or-wrong opportunities for residents to be awarded. even phone apps are working in this way: if you post the correct/trend info, you get more viewers, then you probably make money from app-both youtube and TikTok. it's destructive for the referred methodology to be spread, on the contrary, I think it already failed to be carried to the next generation, and we need an improved way, you need a media that can inflict on every platform and school, instead of applying this method in one single mass every time, like you have to get into the system to flip it from inside. a certain group of few groups of academic researchers worldwide going to educational facilities one by one wont catch the speed of how fast McContent is changing generations.
  
  - the opinion in Chapter 9 is really good and it's the core of the entire book. most social media users show hate toward Capitalism and Bureaucracy. i personally can't eliminate that bias as well since my background is not too great.. but just for authorship, marshall didn't actually tell readers what has been changed, in the end, it was only the touching scene of someone filled with tears and appreciated him, it would be really good if we can see what altered and what stayed unchanged.
  
  - what i learnt as a researcher: keep critical thinking as a conflict solver, the interviewee usually don't know what they want, don't take their response as granted, details is in their unnoticed attitudes when they dont feel watched, so don't put the guard down the entire time.
  
  - when being a researcher you get upset as well, adjusting your emotion during the process does not mean you are weak or you unqualified into doing it, it just means you are human and you are capable of using your knowledge to fix it, its part of the entire experiment as well.
  
  - this book is not enough as guidance, it's just an intro into one methodology, i think most review marks are lower than expected is due to the wrongly illustrated abstract, as people should of learnt anything from this book. nothing will be learnt, it's very complex to study as it has different features to be considered at each starting point. (this book is more like a course introduction, or a reference on Researchgate for psychological students to write research proposals)
  
  - what do you want to hear from me for you to give me the money/job? instead of what **i think you** want to hear from me?
  just ask.
  
  -im really interested in The Despair and Empowerment Model from Jonna r. macy. will look into it in depth in near future.
  https://journals.msvu.ca/index.php/at....
  
  - don't spend time in someone's judgement, use their judgement and analysis their needs, and confirm w/ them. and they will be shocked at how you actually have listened.
  
  -jiddu krishnamurti: between observation and commentary
  
  - the researcher needs to learn how to appreciate as well, especially appreciate the content you want to spread, so you know what supports you to go forward instead of getting swallowed by a black hole.
  
  - alfie kohn: what do they do so we decide to celebrate/how do we feel about what they did/what needs of ours were satisfied by them doing so
  
  - a lot of ppl get judged (even through appreciation) but no one tells them what they ARE, they just want to be appreciated.
• 
  Mehmet

  Psikoloji insanları "nevrotik", "psikopat", "sosyopat" gibi tanımlamalarla etiketler. Marshall B. Rosenberg aldığı eğitimin etkisiyle insanları bu terimlerle etiketlediğini fark edince bu düşünce yapısının insanı anlamaktan uzak olduğunu düşünüp, yargılamadan gözlem yapmaya dayanan adını "şiddetsiz iletişim" koyduğu yöntemi geliştiriyor. Bu yöntem şiddet içeren dilin, davranışların arkasında giderilmemiş ihtiyaçların, duyguların bulunduğu üzerine. Kitapta geçen Mevlana'nın şu cümlesi kitabın ana fikrini özetler nitelikte: "iyinin ve kötünün ötesinde bir yer var, seninle orada buluşacağız".
  
  Medeniyetimiz, özelde kültürler, yarışmacı, iyi-kötü ayrımının altını çizer yapıda. Şiddetsiz iletişim iyi-kötü ayrımı gibi zıtlıklar içeren sıfatları bir yana bırakarak karşımızdakini anlamamız için farkındalık yaratmaya çalışan bir yöntem. Sadece başkalarıyla ya da kurumlarla değil aynı zamanda kendimizle kurduğumuz iletişime de değiniliyor. Okulda, iş yerinde, sürekli otoritelerin suçlamaları veya onaylamaları altında olduğumuzdan bu dili içselleştirip hatalarımızda kendimize karşı acımasız olabiliyoruz, yani psikolojinin jargonu ile katı bir "süperego" geliştirip kendimizi yargılıyor, dolayısıyla yaşamdan daha az zevk alıyoruz. Bu iletişim tiplerini değiştirmemizi kolaylaştırmak için yaşanan bazı olaylara da yer verilmiş.
  
  Yazarın daha evvel "Şiddetsiz İletişim Bir Yaşam Dili" kitabını okumuştum. O kitabı okuyanlar için bu eser hatırlatıcı, tamamlayıcı nitelikte olmuş. Türkiye'de son zamanlarda saldırgan dil kullanmak epey moda oldu. Bu dili en azından kendimiz için değiştirmek saldırgan dil kalıbına alışmış diğer insanlara da iyi gelebilir.
• 
  Frédéric

  Le deuxième livre que je lis de cet auteur, et je l'ai trouvé plus accessible et militant que son plus populaire «Les mots sont des fenêtres (ou des murs)». Il s'intéresse ici au changement social, au principe de se connecter humainement avec ses «ennemis» en cessant de les voir comme des ennemis. Il y traite ainsi du système d'éducation et du système économique, de terrorisme et de violences sexuelles, de conflits ethniques et de tensions raciales, de problèmes bureaucratiques et de système de justice. Il nous invite à accueillir la douleur de chacun et de trouver des manières de connecter avec soi-même et avec autrui. Même si l'on n'est pas convaincus par certaines de ses idées, je ne doute pas que chaque militant-e pour la justice sociale saura y trouver des inspirations pour son travail.
• 
  Dave

  An extraordinary book that addresses the idea that a system based on punitive justice rather than restorative - or the impact of unmet needs rather than ongoing diagnosis based on opinions - or the value of being specific in our acknowledgment of others - as well as our inability to be with our own divinity- all in about 170 pages.
  Every single progressive activist/writer/artist/voter politician/human being NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK- NOW- so you can learn how to be with people coming from love.
  It will also impact your intimate relationships as well.
• 
  Dooug

  My favorite of Rosenberg's work because it provides inspiration to extend NVC beyond, while also including, ourselves and interactions with others, to our society at large.
  
  Plus he makes great arguments for seeing governments and corporations as violent "gangs", perfectly speaking truth to power. And calling for restorative justice and alternative economic models is ever more pressing and important today.
  His work is a bridge to a more peaceful world, if we can have the courage to cross to it and leave our old ways behind.
• 
  Seda Yeşilyaka

  Şiddetsiz İletişim'i okuduktan sonra Rosenberg'in söyleyeceği başka şeyleri de dinlemek, okumak istedim. bu kitabı edinip hemen okumaya başladım, ama bazen üst üste benzer okumalar dikkati dağıtabiliyor. bir süre ara verip kaldığım yerden devam ettim. kitap hem Şiddetsiz İletişim'i hatırlamama yardımcı oldu, hem de kişilerarası ve toplumsal iletişim dili üzerine bir çapa attı içimde. bu farkındalığı oluşturması bakımından önemli. İngilizce yorumlarda birinin iki kitaptan biri okunacaksa Şiddetsiz İletişim iyi fikir dediğini gördüm, katılıyorum. Oldukça akıcı ve yumuşak bir anlatım.
• 
  Fatma Akyürek Aytekin

  Sadece negatif dilin değil, pozitif olan bazı söylemlerinde şiddetsiz iletişim dilinde kabul görmediğini gördüm. Kitapta, pek çok çatışma ortamında Rosenberg’in yaptığı arabuluculuk örneklerine de yer verilmiş. Gözlem, duygu, ihtiyaç ve rica olarak özetlenebilecek bu dil de, gerçekten yargı katmadan gözlem yapabilmek, duyguyu doğru tanımlayabilmek, ihtiyacı doğru ifade edebilmek ve talep içermeyen rica edebilmek konuları üzerinde düşündüm. Kitap oldukça tatmin edici
• 
  Victoria Shaw

  Every word will change your worldview and I simply cannot get enough. Unconventional but that is what is necessary to facilitate unconventional change. We must each as individuals see the change and be the change we want to see in the world. If enough individuals pick up this book and discover what lies beneath these pages, it will bring about just that.
• 
  Rodrigo Neves

  Definitely see some interesting ideas in this book. However, for the many examples of problems presented, I do not see as many solutions showcased by the author.
  
  I do still think there’s some interesting material in this work. Specially for people who might want to find ways around problems caused by anger issues.
• 
  Nilay Tekel Çankaya

  Anlatmak istediği konular etkili ve güzel olsa da çok dağınık ve maalesef akıcı değil. Beklentilerimi karşılamadı. Kişsel gelişim kitabı yoğunluğunda..