Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness by Marvin Olasky

Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness Reviews

• 
  Panda Incognito

  I grew up reading World magazine, which Marvin Olasky contributes to and edits, and I appreciate his investigative journalism and opinion pieces. Because I remember him writing some about his frustrations and strained relationship with his late father, I knew that I wanted to read this book, in which he deeply explores his father's story to try to understand him. This is a very unique memoir, since it combines the author's personal experience with investigative research, which included looking at school records and assignments from his father's time in Harvard. The book deals with a variety of different themes related to troubled family dynamics and marital discord, and delves into Olasky's father's experience with anti-Semitism, disillusionment at Harvard, World War II traumas, and a changing view of faith, in which he came to see Judaism from a primarily cultural and not religious standpoint.
  
  Olasky writes with deep sensitivity to what his father may have thought and felt at different times, without any unfounded speculation. The book can seem somewhat vague, since Olasky cannot fill in all of the sensory or emotional details of events that occurred before his birth, but he turned up enough information to write about his father's past with clarity and detail, creating a sense of time and place while helping himself and his readers see how his dad became the frustrated, emotionally detached man that he knew while growing up. He also shares information about other family members' traumatic backgrounds, and about the peace he has found in God's grace and mercy, knowing that generational trauma can end, and that he doesn't have to scapegoat older family members to find meaning in his story. He also writes briefly at the end about the circumstance of his conversion to Christianity.
  
  Lament for a Father: The Journey to Understanding and Forgiveness is a very unique book, and even though the story it covers is very particular, it addresses universal themes within its very direct specifics. I appreciated this book from a historical perspective, especially with the specific details related to early twentieth century Jewish life and mid-century transitions after World War II, but even if someone isn't interested in the historical element, the book's emotional core will resonate with those who have experienced similar family struggles or witnessed them in others' lives. This book is a moving meditation on the significance of generational trauma and what it means to lament the hurts that others have inflicted while also having compassion for them.
  
  I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Wes Van Fleet

  Some people cannot grasp why people behave the way they do. Olasky, trying to honor his parents rather than joining the victim narrative our culture has adopted, researches his father’s life. Without spoiling the book, he finds out things that make sense of his father’s behavior and helps him to honor his dad. He does a great job showing how Christ can break the curse of original sin and redeem the ways passed on to us from our fathers. Great book!
• 
  Ian

  We're all born into families. Families with histories, long histories. Full of the good and not so good. It took me till my forties to find peace that I was a product of my family's history. Peace came from acceptance which helped me to better understand my parents.
  
  Olasky had a troubled relationship with his father. His father died before his son had time to learn more about him and this memoir is Olasky's way of discovering more about his parents and grandparents.
  
  Olasky researched his father and mother so he could better understand them and in the absence of now dead father be able to make peace with the man he was and their poor relationship. It's fascinating the level of detail he was able to find but at times a little too much is provided that distracted me. I can only imagine the significant amount of content Olasky must have that didn't get included.
  
  Clearly, Olasky found some understanding and as a consequence acceptance of who his Dad became, the significant impact WWII had on him, and his struggles with finding 'his thing' as he lived his life. Similarly, with his mother, who had grown up poorly treated by her father, Olasky gained understanding of why she was so disappointed in her husband as he didn't meet her expectations and hopes she had when they first met.
  
  I've been fortunate to get to spend almost 10 years with my elderly and frail father and to discover more about his past and his parents which has given me so much more insight into what made him who he is and allowed me to be more accepting of him and our father/son connection.
  
  This book only serves to further encourage me to recommend that all children should seek to do such as there are so many rich nuggets of wonder to be found in doing so.
  
• 
  Gail

  Many years after his father Eli’s death, journalist and writer Marvin Olasky began to research his life. He sought to better understand the silent man who never laughed and never played with him.
  
  The author tells his tale well, and enables us to enter both Eli’s and Marvin’s worlds. We see Eli at Harvard in the 1930’s, coming from an orthodox Jewish home, dealing with anti-Semitism and the eugenics craze; he becomes both an atheist and a Jewish reconstructionist, seeking to help Jews bond with and maintain their culture. His higher academic dreams flounder and his wife is bitterly disappointed. Home life is not happy.
  
  As the author discovers and processes more about his father’s life and struggles, his perspective shifts. By reading this story and sharing in the author’s lament, we too can find understanding and forgiveness in our own difficult relationships. It also takes us back to a different time, to reflect on how the world has changed—and how some things never change.
  
  After reading about the author’s background and upbringing, I wondered how he ended up as the editor of World Magazine. Therefore I enjoyed the brief epilogue where he described his own unlikely conversion from atheism and communism to Christianity.
  
  Recommended!
  
• 
  Trent Thompson

  I’ve never read a book like Lament for a Father. In short, Martin Olask never got to know his father, despite knowing his father for his entire life. And so Olask, decades after his father’s death, wrote Lament for a Father as an attempt to know his father.
  
  Olask, a veteran journalist, researches and retells his father’s life, discovering details along the way that provide context,
  explanation, and shape to his father’s life.
  
  In his posthumous attempt to meet and understand his father, Olask exhibits both lament for his relationship with father and compassion for his father. It’s remarkably Christian love for his father.
  
  I resonate with the subject matter of Lament for a Father. Olaks, in his introduction, exhorts readers who has estranged parental relationship to strive, if possible, to meet their parents, to ask questions that he himself were never able to ask. I’m going to take his advice.
• 
  Michelle Ule

  A writer curious about my odd father and grandfather like Marvin Olasky, I went hunting for what happened in his life?
  
  I ended up a genealogist who has now written a half-dozen memoirs and family histories.
  
  Like Olasky, I hunted, searched, reviewed, and rethought many things about my dad and grandfather that I was in no position to understand or know before.
  
  That's what this book is--the story of Olasky's father's life and what Olasky learned about him.
  
  This is a valuable exercise for anyone--and is the reason I think everyone should learn about their families and write down what they learned.
  
  Like Olasky and me, you, too, may learn understanding, forgiveness, love, and greater appreciation for men who worked hard and in odd ways to give you a better life.
  
  I'm glad I ended 2021 reading finishing this book.
  
• 
  Reid

  Olasky uses his research skills to get academic, employment and information of the different times in the life of his father.
  
  Very interesting read: well written, brief, compelling, fun to see how he investigated his father and his background to come up with ideas and reasons for why his father seemed to lack ambition although he was a brilliant man. Olasky came up with reasons, possibilities for why his small family dynamics were so weird at times.
  
  Olasky also writes about the events of his conversion from secular Jew to conservative evangelical Christian
• 
  Paul Pompa

  Interesting
  
  I especially enjoyed the last quarter of the book. It wasn’t clear where this story was headed, but the end tied it up. I love the message. To me it was that we make so many unfair judgements about others, without really considering their origin story. Or biblically, we’re often prideful instead of humble. We hate instead of love. We condemn instead of forgive.
• 
  Lisa Jacobson

  This is a short read and more of the author's personal journey than a prescriptive book. So while I found it interesting, it's not what I would've expected based on the title. (The story of his conversion at the end was powerful, so if you do pick it up, be sure and read that part!)
• 
  David Tarkington

  Excellent book and a writing style that keeps me engaged. Not sure what I expected from this book but I was immediately drawn into the story and loved the history, personal biographical details, and the God-honoring honesty.
• 
  Emily

  Great story but not what I thought it would be. It is more so a biography of the author’s family (which I admit was very interesting) and not so much a book on forgiveness. I think the title may be a bit misleading, but I still felt impacted by the author’s words and story.
• 
  Holly

  Just an excellent read.
• 
  David Chapin

  Excellent story. Lays out the case for why we need to forgive others for our own sake not theirs.
• 
  Beth Smith

  Excellent, thought-provoking, heartbreaking. I highly recommend.
• 
  Lauren Vaughan

  Much of this book is not my preferred styled, but the relational details were captivating and the ending was beautiful.