Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication by Vanessa Van Edwards

Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication Reviews

• 
  Elizabeth Jorgensen

  This is an easy-to-read book. There's lots of graphs and visuals, bolded words, and pull-outs. I really recommend this text. It's a super quick read with easy to implement strategies. The examples are both from history and pop culture; and the entire text centers around charisma (which Van Edwards defines as a combination of warmth and competence). A must read for anyone who wants to understand themselves or the world better. I particularly appreciated the section on emails; simple charismatic things to add: "Excited to work with you" "Looking forward to this" "happy to answer any questions" "We got this" "Working on anything exciting recently?" "How's the team doing?" "Anything I can do to help you?" This is a book I could see myself going to back to before presentations, when editing my website, or even trying to become more engaging for my students.
• 
  Alina

  I received a free advance copy of this book (which made me so happy! As I have been a massive fan of what Vanessa has done over these years and I consider her first book "Captivate" one of the most life changing books that I have ever read!).
  I loved it. And especially, the comment at the end, that the clues described in this book have to be tried at least three times. So this is not one of those books that you read, absorb and move on from. Like with "Captivate", you have to come back, and re-read parts of it again. And practice. And read again, when seeing a cue you don't necessarily understand. I do wish that there was a way just to "download" this all into my brain! Or at least attend an in person course with her :)
  Whom would I recommend this book to? Everyone. Literally everyone would benefit from reading this book. As many small things can send wrong signals, and many small cues can help decode why something didn't go quite ok in that last pitch presentation or meeting.
• 
  Sincerely, Angel (mastermind girlie)

  this was very helpful especially in business
• 
  Narilka

  If you're looking to improve your communication skills, this book is for you.
  If you're already a professional communicator, this book is for you.
  If you're anti-social and would prefer not to communicate with anyone, this book is for you. Seriously, there are tips for how to do just that!
  
  Vanessa Van Edwards and her team of researchers have collected all the latest data and science around what makes for charismatic communication and present their findings in this volume. I learned sooooo much. I need a physical copy of this book that I can refer back to and start refining my own techniques to improve my communication skills.
  
  I listened to the audio book narrated by the author. She does an excellent job. You still may be like me and want a physical copy to go along with for easy reference.
• 
  Nick

  I agree with virtually all of Edwards’ analysis of body language, voice, and language. There are a few to take issue with, such as the meaning and use of steepled hands and the thumb gesture, but on the whole all of this is on point. I’m just not sure why the book was written now. There are many other books on the same subject, with very similar insights, from years before. My own Power Cues, which covers the same material and a few things Edwards missed, was published in 2014. And there are others before me with earlier takes on the research, which advanced quite a bit in the 2010s, which is why I wrote Power Cues when I did. There’s nothing new in Edwards’ book; hence my puzzlement. Oh well, good luck to her!
• 
  Jodie Cook

  I was lucky to receive a preview copy of this book and I'm very pleased I did.
  
  Cues is fascinating. Vanessa's use of examples to share concepts related to verbal, nonverbal and visual cues are super interesting. I really enjoyed every part of the book and recommend it for anyone looking to up their communication game with specific actions.
• 
  Dan Connors

  In Disney's The Little Mermaid, sea witch Ursula takes away Ariel's voice and gives her legs in exchange, advising her to use only her body language to get by on the land. We are so used to hearing people talk at us all the time, that we often overlook body language, which experts believe contains some 65-90% of total communication!
  
  You can have the best facts, the most persuasive arguments, and the best ideas, but they will get nowhere without the knowledge of how to be charismatic. Vanessa Van Edwards is an expert on body language, author, and founder of the website- Science of People that advises people on how to use the unspoken to their advantage. Her book, Cues, is a sequel to her earlier book, Captivate, and it covers nonverbal cues that we get from gestures, eye contact, smiles, touch, and more.
  
  Any attempt at communication begins with the message in our heads. We encode it into words as well as nonverbal communications. The recipient then needs to decode the message and try to understand what we are trying to convey. They then either accept the message and internalize it, or reject it and toss it aside. This book is about how to get more acceptance of our ideas, large and small.
  
  Van Edwards claims that charisma comes from the synergy of two forces- warmth and competence. We trust warm people more when they are compassionate, open, and collaborative. But that's not enough. We also trust people who show competence in the ideas that they are presenting. We look for smart, expert, capable people who exude power but are still approachable. Communicators who lack both of those qualities fall into what she calls the "Danger Zone", and risk never being taken seriously.
  
  Warmth body language cues subtly open up relationships to trust and friendship. They include such things as head tilts, nodding, eyebrow raises, smiling, respectful touching, and mirroring of other people's expressions..
  
  Competence body cues convince people that someone is to be taken seriously. These include things like power postures, intense gazes, steeple gestures (palms facing each other with fingers just barely touching), fluid arm gestures during presentations, and palm flashes.
  
  Charismatic body cues, which combine the two, make speakers look and sound likeable and respectable. They include leaning in to a conversation, opening one's body posture (no crossing of the arms), space smarts, (knowing how close to physically come to someone in a conversation), and using eye contact purposefully.
  
  Van Edwards devotes two chapters to vocal cues, which are different than the actual words spoken. We generally take lower pitched voices more seriously, and we can tell if someone has a nervous pitch to their voice. One of the big no-no's in speaking is ending a sentence on a question inflection. This takes away the speakers power and makes the recipient question if the speaker knows what they're talking about.
  
  Much of this is common sense, but it's nice to see it all put together in a professional format. Vary your voice when talking and raise it for emphasis. Be aware of when you're losing your audience. Don't be afraid to pause once in a while for extra emphasis- silence creates tension and anticipation. Use friendly words at the start of any engagement to warm up your intended audience, large or small. (But be genuine, not fake.) Try to start conversations with things like:
  
  "I'm so glad you called."
  "Well this is a nice surprise"
  "It's so good to hear from you"
  "I love your outfit, hair, tattoo etc"
  
  There is a serious shortage of warmth and caring today, and remembering to honor and appreciate people can go a long way. Just the way you say the word "hello" makes a huge difference.
  
  Van Edwards ends the book with tips on visual cues, which might be a topic for her next book. Our eyes take in way more information than our ears, and we make a lot of decisions based on superficial, unconscious visual signals. Her three best practices for using cues for charisma include.
  1- Expect the best from yourself and others
  2- Don't try to fake it. People can see right through that.
  3- Use the rule of 3 to try things out. Test a cue at least 3 times and see what results you get.
  
  Vanessa Van Edwards is the only person writing about nonverbal communication styles today that I've seen, and her advice is valuable. Only 10-35% of our words gets through, and if it conflicts with the nonverbal parts, forget about it. Communication is critical, and in the internet age interpersonal communication is becoming harder because of social media that robs us of most of the nonverbal part, presenting instead a carefully curated but incomplete picture.
  
  The author has built up an impressive array of information, classes, and resources on this little-noticed topic, and I recommend her website, Scienceofpeople.com to those who want to learn more about her activities.
• 
  th.

  Would definitely have enjoyed this more on paper than audiobook due to the repetition of points but i ended up getting used to them in the end (even though it took me almost 3/4 to get used to it)(and the only reason why i was getting used to it was because i was losing focus and the repetition made me not be so lost about the point haha)
  
  still pretty good contents though!! So other than that i'm happy with the read, id probably be a bit more conscious about cues now.
  
  To your success,
  4.4 stars
• 
  Chrissann Nickel

  The research Vanessa Van Edwards does through her organization, The Science of People, never fails to be absolutely fascinating. I’ve read her first book, “Captivate” several times, and will read anything she writes.
  
  This new addition to her work, “Cues,” also hooks you from the start and is an excellent complement to her earlier book and talks. Everyone would benefit from learning how their verbal and non-verbal cues are communicating competence and charisma (or lack thereof).
  
  The studies she shares to back her claims are wildly interesting in both their scope and their results. I will definitely be revisiting this book; the insights in here into how our brains are wired to interpret communication and how to consciously shape our behavior to improve our interactions with others are invaluable.
• 
  Anna Zubko

  Good structure with short thematic chapters, easy to read, practical examples from the daily corporate life.
• 
  Art Markman

  Vanessa Van Edwards has done it again. Cues is a highly readable book that provides an overview of the variety of signals we send to other people that go beyond just the words we use. These signals involve both body language and the way we use our words including the intonation of our speech. This book discusses the science behind these cues and gives specific recommendations and exercises to help people improve the way they come across to others.
• 
  Ronald J. Pauleus

  Great research presented here. I appreciate Vanessa’s words a lot. This book was extremely helpful and practical.
  
  “When you produce dopamine during a conversation, you not only give your partner more enjoyment, you are also assigned more significance, which increases your memorability.”
• 
  Joel Ratcliffe

  Fantastic resource for next level communication and connection!
• 
  Hlyan

  Cues are like biases, they are subtle, and whether we know it or not, they affect us massively.
  
  When we interact with other people, we're always sending cues, almost always unknowingly. And hundreds of subtle cues are being sent to us as well.
  
  In this book, we learn more than forty different cues. Vanessa groups the cues into four different channels: Nonverbal, Vocal, Verbal, and Imagery. She then presents the cues of each channel in four groups, Charisma, Warmth, Competence and Danger Zone. She also tells us when to use each cue and when not to use them.
  
  I've read about some of the cues, especially Nonverbal ones, in other places, on the internet and magazine articles and books like Amy Cuddy's Presence and Paul Ekman's works.
  
  This book doesn't stop at physical interactions. Vanessa extends to tell us how to use the cues in advertisements, emails and video calls in this age of Zoom meetings.
  
  But this book isn't about black psychology or manipulating people. As Vanessa says, "Learning cues is not about pretending to be smarter or more likable than you are. It's not about using cues as a cover-up." Cues cannot fake expertise, or warmth, at least not in the long run. "If you need to buff up your expertise or pump up your skills, make that a priority."
  
  I also find this book to be a page-turner, with real-life examples from ordinary people to celebrities and world leaders but without unnecessary fillers to waste your time.
• 
  Eriche

  Good book but some of the science(specifically harvards implicit bias work) has some very valid critique out there (read Jesse Singals quick fix) and I would treat this like a pop sci book with great public speaking tips/influence tips but it’s not a Bible. The author is a great speaker as well and I watched her on “women of impact”
• 
  Neil Pasricha

  Vanessa calls herself a “recovering awkward person” and has a popular YouTube community with advice like “use more hand gestures” and “never pick up the phone in a bad mood.” Bit obvious? Easy to dismiss? I know it’s easy to be cynical. I was cynical, too. But as my old professor Gunnar Trumbull (best name ever) used to say, “It’s much harder to agree with something than disagree.” This book is really a stunning masterclass on body language. Vanessa does “detail by detail workshops” of fascinating moments like the famous first televised presidential debate in 1960 (where people who listened on the radio thought Nixon won and people who watched on TV thought Kennedy won … you’ll read why) and even famous flubs on Shark Tank by incredible entrepreneurs who years later built unicorns. Will most of us know most of what Vanessa discusses? Yes. But will everyone who reads this book pick up at least a few gold nuggets / satoshis of bitcoin? I did. Highly recommended.
• 
  Akhil Jain

  My fav quotes (not a review):
  -Page 37 |"thing I tend to do is greet the child. Typically, I high-five the child. Then I try to drop down to the child’s eye level. . . . I’ll bend down or get down on my knees to really make sure I’m engaging them,” explained Dr. Essel. Dr. Essel has found that when he greets the child first, it wins over the parents. He noticed this by decoding facial cues. “I have noticed if the parents see that I engage with the child, it really takes the stress off of them. I see their face sort of changing. They seem more comfortable with me if I can engage with the child,” said Dr. Essel. Engagement is central to Dr. Essel’s practice. “People are always looking for appreciation, acceptance, and acknowledgment,”"
  -Page 42 |"Leaning in is the single fastest way to look (and feel) interested and engaged."
  -Page 80 |"Have to deliver bad news? Use the head tilt to show you’re listening and you’re there for them."
  -Page 85 |"My male students have told me that guys have an unspoken nodding custom. If you see another guy you know, you nod up. This nonverbally says, “What’s up?” If you pass by a guy you don’t know but want to acknowledge, you nod down. This nonverbally says, “Respect.”"
  -Page 102 "WARM WORDS WARMTH CUE “That’s so interesting.” Eyebrow raise “I agree.” Nodding “I’m listening.” Head tilting “This is exciting.” Leaning “I respect you.” Fronting “I trust you.” Touch “I’m on the same page.” Mirroring"
  -Page 106 "Nixon had one hand gripping the chair arm in what looks like a fist. This is an immediate anxiety cue."
  -Page 109 "gripping them tightly? Hold them loosely so you are not accidentally making a fist."
  -Page 114 "A sudden lid flex means someone has gone from just listening to scrutinizing. It’s a cue for you to pause. See a flexed lid? Try to: Take questions. Say, “Any questions so far?” Repeat the point you just made in a different way. Tell a story or give an example to demonstrate your point. Do a quick check-in. Ask, “All good?”"
  -Page 117 "Steepling is a powerful gesture to convince others of your commitment to and confidence in what you’re saying."
  -Page 118 "The steeple can get dangerously close to evil fingers. If you don’t want to look like you’re hatching an evil plan, don’t drum your fingers while steepling! This is a cue for scheming and should be avoided."
  -Page 125 "One of my favorite cues as a presenter is the “this is going to be good” cue. Rubbing your palms together in excited anticipation is a great way to get an audience excited. Taking off one’s glasses or rolling up your sleeves can also have the same effect, signaling that you’re really getting into the material."
  -Page 165 "Similarly, if you’re challenged with RBF, try positioning your camera slightly higher than your eyeline. This makes you look up, which widens your eyes and makes you look more awake."
  -Page 180 "Step #2: Speak on the out breath. Taking a deep breath is one of the fastest ways to feel and sound more confident. Try not to speak at the top of your inhale."
  -Page 185 "Two Truths and a Lie Have you ever played two truths and a lie? It’s a great way to test your people-reading abilities. I’ll give you an insider tip on spotting the lie: People often drop their volume when sharing their lie (or use the question inflection)."
  -Page 200 "What do you do when you hear your phone ring? I noticed I take in a quick inhale and then hold it until I can answer. Sometimes this can last for a few seconds as I search for my phone. This causes me to answer the phone in a small, tight voice and with very little breath. In fact, when I recorded my phone calls, I noticed my “Hello?” was the highest-pitched word in the entire phone call!"
  -Page 204 "Use words that cue for nonverbal warmth more than the standard neutral positive openers like “Thanks for coming” or “Great to see you.”"
  -Page 208 "The best way to use a nonverbal script is to help you remember where you need to add vocal variety, nonverbal emphasis, or helpful gestures."
  -Page 209 "ACTION STEPS Struggle with pauses or speak too fast? Add pause lines. Speak too slow? Print slow sections in a different color. I like green for fast (as in a green light) and red for slow. Forget to smile? Type or draw a smiley face in your notes. Want to lean in, nod, or add emphasis to a certain section? Bold it or add the cue in the margins. Find it difficult to make eye contact with the audience? Add “LOOK UP"
  -Page 214 "How can you vocally mirror authentically? The key here is subtle and natural. If you hear a word you like, use it! This is easy when someone is asking for confirmation: They say, “Okay?” You reply, “Okay!” They say, “Got it?” You say, “Got it!” They say, “Aha!” while listening to you. You say, “Aha!” while responding to them."
  -Page 242 "And, of course, we’re anti-boring. I have a number of engaging activities planned where the entire goal is inspiring change. Would you like to see a video demo?”"
  -Page 248 "YOU DO YOU.” And did you notice the RSVP code? “Hellyes” is a great verbal cue for excitement."
  -Page 249 "Comic Sans is good for memory. Researchers asked participants to read a story about a fictional alien creature. They remembered more when the story was printed in Comic Sans compared to Arial"
  
• 
  A B

  
  I was impressed with the format and organization of this book. Even though this wasn't a topic of particular interest, I will say that other non-fiction guides should follow this setup. There are plenty of exercises, charts, and visual aids designed to reinforce the content. The tips should help any reader practice attentive listening and avoid off-putting physical behavior.
  
  For example, most people know by now that crossing your arms and/or legs is a defensive position. I simply find these positions comfortable, so I have to actively remind myself to avoid them. In another example, when speaking to someone in person you should give them your full attention, not sit there and type or screw around with your phone (duh).
  
  BUT - charismatic communication? I think not. These techniques, to some extent, bother me because it's all acting. You might even call it gaslighting. I would prefer people to be honest and let their speech and physical reactions come naturally. It's not hard to be polite. Mostly, it showcased behaviors I find annoying in other people.
  
  The book starts with a description of an episode of the TV reality show "Shark Tank" featuring the original pitch for the Ring doorbell camera. The author describes the poor guy's presentation as a failure from the start because he knocked when entering the shark tank. Well, if you watch the video, you'll see that the knock was part of his spiel. He had a point. I don't think it was him that failed so much as the sharks didn't see the benefit of his product. Had he used this book's techniques, he might have gotten a deal, which might have left him well off, or could have screwed him over completely. Instead he walked away and a few years later sold the company for $1 billion. He did just fine by being himself.
• 
  Manissh Ahuuja

  How closely is body language related to your overall success?
  
  Very closely, if you are to believe Vanessa Van Edwards and read her latest book Cues.
  
  I read this book, and I’d happily recommend it to you for the following reasons:
  
  01: The book is absolutely easy to read, and what makes it better is that the principles explained and ideas shared are just as easy to implement. The suggestions made, on how you can improve your cues, and how will it impact your growth won’t make you feel like you have to learn a new skill. It will definitely need practice to get used to, for sure.
  
  02: All points mentioned, are broken down and explained with logic, reasoning and Vanessa does a great job by being intuitive and answering your questions, as you may think of them, as you read the book. This speaks volumes about her prowess, reflects on her credibility and is a reflection of all the years she has put in honing her craft.
  
  03: The best part about the book. The ideas mentioned here are not just applicable in face to face meetings. Vanessa gives you tons and tons of ideas on how you can improve your profile pictures to get more (and serious) leads/ connections on social media, ideas to improve conversions on your landing pages, and ways to seem more approachable and authoritative even when you’re conducting/ attending online meetings.
  
  04: Examples shared in the book (and there are plenty) of events that are televised, or the way people behaved during interviews makes the book so much easier to relate to.
  
  This is definitely one book that I’d recommend and revisit, every once in a while.
• 
  Richard Thompson

  I'd like to lose twenty pounds. I'd like to make twice as much money. I'd like to be more charismatic. I know how to do the first two things and now having read this book the third one is within my grasp, but I just can't seem to get my act together to do the first two, and there's little chance that I'll do any better with the third. Maybe I'm happy enough already with my present condition since I'm not really overweight, I make plenty of money, and I'm not totally lacking in the charisma department. Mastering the cues of non-verbal communication as described here would take a lot of concentrated effort and practice that I'll probably never put in. It would be more fun to just read a few more books and review them on Goodreads.
  
  My only issue with this book apart from the way that it exposes my own lameness is the author's tone. Maybe she's good at taking meetings and giving TED talks, but when it comes to book writing, she forgot to drink her own Kool-aid. It's too peppy, even for a popular self help book. After the twentieth time she offered a "fun fact", I was feeling a strong urge to scream. She's very clear in telling us that to hit the charisma zone, you have to strike the right balance between warmth and competence and that women are perceived as being warm so that they have to adjust to focus a bit more on competence, but her writing goes too far in the direction of warmth, making it harder for the reader to give credibility to an analysis that on a rational level was very good.
• 
  Linda Evans

  The most powerful books are those that cause you to change your behavior, and this book has been life-changing.
  
  Since finishing it a week ago, I’ve spent 15+ hours revamping my entire business brand Launched by Linda, LLC. Exhausting but exciting!
  
  The author has done in-depth research of people and communication. It turns out that -
  
  CHARISMA = the right balance of WARMTH + COMPETENCE
  
  She breaks down the cues into 4 sections:
  
  Nonverbal (1/2 the book)
  Verbal
  Vocal
  Imagery
  
  I had to take breaks often from reading to practice and internalize all the rich information I was learning. I love that she explained specific times to use or not use each cue depending on your personal goals and setting.
  
  Some of my favorite takeaways:
  
  - Expand the space between your ears and shoulders to feel and look more confident
  - Remove physical barriers and face your speaking partner(s) with your head, shoulders, and feet
  - Use the lower part of your vocal range to seem more competent
  - Don’t use question inflections at the end of statements if you want to be taken seriously
  - Slow nod and lean forward to express warmth and engagement
  - Use your hands more and show your palms to be more charismatic
  - Use a good balance of warmth and competence cues in your emails
  - The opposite of charismatic is boring
  
  I highly recommend this book and the author’s 1st book “Captivate”.
• 
  Jason Wei

  Compared to other books that teach body language or how to "read others", Cues came across as less dry and more engaging, which led to an enjoyable read.
  
  The book is centered around the notion that to become an effector communicator, you must be charismatic. To accomplish this, you have to find your own individualized balance of warmth and competence. The author gives cues that you can utilize to convey charisma by sliding between the two pillars mentioned. More importantly, the author highlights cues that fall in the "danger zone", opposite of being charismatic that one should stray away and be cognizant of.
  
  The different cue tools were categorized (from my perspective) into facial expression, body language (including proximity), speech, words, and other visual representations. Apart from oneself, the author explains that knowing which pillar your audience leans towards can allow you to determine how best to appeal to them (through flowing between cues of warmth vs cues of competence).
  
  As with books of this nature, the challenge is to implement the learnings from the book which can become challenging with the wide array of actionable items shared. However, as I reflect on what I've internalized and been able to put into action, I find myself compelled to continue as I've personally felt a positive shift in my interactions with others.
• 
  Kelly

  I had the pleasure of seeing Vanessa speak live before I ever read “Cues”. She sold me on the concepts in this book before I even opened it because she truly practices what she preaches. She is an incredibly dynamic, charismatic, engaging speaker and so I was really excited to get this book and to learn more about what she was teaching.
  
  It is entertaining, easy to understand, and the perfect embodiment of warmth and competence. The book is written in a very conversational writing style and is an excellent balance between explaining concepts, providing examples, and utilizing hard data and case studies without ever feeling like a scientific report. It’s not just a book to increase your knowledge, it truly teaches you HOW to put these ideas into practice.
  
  Highly recommend for anyone who is looking to enhance their communication skills or simply wants to learn more about body language and nonverbal, vocal, and verbal cues.
  
  My only critic is a personal pet peeve- that she uses introvert as a synonym for shy/reserved/quiet which in my opinion is inaccurate 🙃
• 
  Nicole

  I enjoyed Captivate and listening to Vanessa Van Edwards on the Women of Impact podcast thus I was interested to pick up her next book on Cues. Doesn't everyone want to know how to be charismatic, convincing and likeable?
  
  I don't reach for non-fiction or self help usually but this sounded helpful. Check out the e-bonus content as I found that concepts and examples mentioned are easier to visualise when I can watch it.
  
  This is a book that you would need to take notes on or refer back to revise the concepts, I would probably forget most of what I read if I just read it once and returned it to my library. I did struggle with some of the cues and wondered if they would really help if I used them (skeptical!)
  
  I thought the writing was great and not lengthy. There was a mix of words and visuals to help absorb the concepts more. I especially enjoyed the stories and examples. I tend to shy away from non-fiction because the writing doesn't click. This is a great book to pick up to be more self aware in communication and how we express ourselves.
• 
  Tarsila Krüse

  Cues is a very comprehensive and easy to read book about the different ways people communicate through body language, vocal and verbal cues.
  
  Vanessa Van Edwards divides cues into mainly two realms: warm and competence and she affirms that charisma derives from a balance of the two.
  
  While most of what the book brings forward is not breaking news it is a very practical read with a wide plethora of real-life usages both in personal and work settings, including virtual meetings and zoom calls to public presentations, answering calls, dating and casual conversations.
  
  I see this book as a very useful guide to people in many different areas of work, from healthcare professionals, to lawyers, work in education, even visual artists, everyone can benefit from the cues and it’s many applications in life, after all they are part of our daily communication with others, wether we like it or not.
• 
  Peter P.

  This book drove me crazy. Absolutely crazy. Why? I'll tell you why. When I read psychology books, I do so with a highlighter so I can capture important moments. Most (good) books require a few notes here and there after which I subscribe them in a keeper file. This book wore me the heck out. I couldn't put the highlighter down - so filled was it with great information - and now I have the awful task of having to transcribe all of that highlighted material to my word document. Thank goodness for the dictate option on Word. Buy this book and get your own highlighter. I read and loved her first book, Captivate, but Cues takes it to a whole different level. Fantastic stuff and highly recommended.