| Title | : | This Boy We Made: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1948226847 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781948226844 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Hardcover |
| Number of Pages | : | 272 |
| Publication | : | First published January 11, 2022 |
| Awards | : | Hurston/Wright Legacy Award Memoir Nonfiction (2023) |
A Black mother bumps up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son.
One morning, Tophs, Taylor Harris’s round-cheeked, lively twenty-two-month-old, wakes up listless and unresponsive. She rushes Tophs to the doctor, ignoring the part of herself, trained by years of therapy for generalized anxiety disorder, that tries to whisper that she’s overreacting. But at the hospital, her maternal instincts are confirmed: something is wrong with her boy, and Taylor’s life will never be the same.
With every question the doctors answer about Tophs’s increasingly troubling symptoms, more arise, and Taylor dives into the search for a diagnosis. She spends countless hours trying to navigate health and education systems that can be hostile to Black mothers and children; at night she googles, prays, and interrogates her every action. Some days, her sweet, charismatic boy seems just fine—others, he struggles to answer simple questions. What is she missing?
When Taylor brings Tophs to a long-awaited appointment with a geneticist, she hopes that this time, she’ll leave with answers. The test reveals nothing about what’s causing Tophs’s drops in blood sugar, his processing delays—but it does reveal something unexpected about Taylor’s own health. What if her son’s challenges have saved her life? And how can she choose the best path forward—for herself and for her beautiful, unsolvable boy?
This Boy We Made is a stirring and radiantly written examination of the bond between mother and child, full of hard-won ins
This Boy We Made: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown Reviews
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The Amerie's Book Club selection for January 2022 is THIS BOY WE MADE by Taylor Harris!
Stay connected via @AmeriesBookClub on IG, and join me and Taylor Harris @WritingForIceCreamDuh on my IGLIVE (@Amerie) at the end of January. Bring your questions!
Taylor Harris' memoir explores motherhood, the intersections of healthcare and Black parenthood in particular, and the anxiety-ridden process of questioning the burdens we may inadvertently place upon our children, whether through nurture or nature. With strength, vulnerablity, and no small dose of candor, Harris takes us through her faith-filled journey, which felt both familiar and new as I held my breath during every potential reveal, praying and hoping for little Tophs and the people I came to know through this heartfelt portrait of a family.
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#AmeriesBookClub #ReadWithAmerie #ThisBoyWeMade @Catapult @WritingForIceCreamDuh #TaylorHarris
ABOUT TAYLOR HARRIS
Taylor Harris is a writer, wife, and mom of three who lives in Charlottesville, Virginia. Her work has appeared in TIME, O Quarterly, The Washington Post, Longreads, The Cut, Romper, Parents, McSweeney’s, and other publications. -
One morning, Taylor Harris and her husband (an African American family based in Charlottesville, Virginia) found their 22-month-old son Christopher, nicknamed “Tophs,” awake but unresponsive in his crib. In the years that followed, she and his doctors looked for answers as to why his body couldn’t regulate his blood sugar levels, sometimes leading to seizures, and to why his speech and mental processing remained delayed. All their tests and theories have never amounted to a conclusive diagnosis. This was a book that repeatedly surprised me. I’d assumed it would be exclusively about the medical mystery of Tophs’s physical and intellectual disability. But Harris elegantly weaves in a lot of other themes, too: mental illness, her own physical concerns (a BRCA2 mutation), racism, faith, and advocating for her children’s health and education.
See my full review at
BookBrowse. (See also
my related article on BRCA gene mutations and prophylactic mastectomy surgery.) -
This is such an unusual book and should appeal to a variety of readers. First of all, she is a Black mother talking about Black lives. Secondly, she is a devote Christian (balanced with a realistic and humorous character). And most importantly she is the mother of a child who is unique--unique because there is no label for what he has and who he is from a medical point of view, though it is obvious to the medical world that he does have a kaleidoscope of medical issues going on.
Harris presents the life of her family and her son in a loving and descriptive way. Tophs is no less than any of her other children. He's amazing, actually.
She also freely admits to her own privilege and that of her family's privilege due to their education and economic circumstances.
I hope this will be widely read by anyone with a child that defies description. And in a sense, don't we all have children like that?
It's an easy read and you'll want to keep going until the end. It would be an excellent choice for a book club since there is so much to unpack here.
And I'm a fan and rooting for this family!! -
Author Taylor Harris writes about her son Toph and his medical symptoms that she intuitively *knows* are not right. She knows that something is not right, but she also knows that as a black woman that she must check herself in her interactions with medical professionals. For example, a Caucasian mother has the freedom to interact with Drs/Nurses without judgment, while she as a black mother has to be careful not be viewed as aggressive and demanding. How can Harris demand the best medical care for her son all the while knowing that she has to walk that tightrope of internal restraint?
A wonderful memoir.
* I read an advance copy and was not compensated. -
I liked a lot about this book and also found parts to be lacking. The writing is very good but a bit scattered. This look into healthcare with a Black mother as a guide was unique and necessary in the literary landscape. There are many untended to threads that never get resolved or brought up again, or there are things that are glossed over that needed more depth.
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This was a beautiful memoir of a mother’s love for her son who has medical and developmental issues that can’t be identified by the medical and educational establishments. I am in awe of her persistence in the face of very difficult odds!
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I picked this up last night to read a few pages before turning off the light. I couldn't put it down. I read every word of the acknowledgments (which I NEVER do) because I didn't want to miss anything she had to say. Harris writes with such honesty about topics that we all share. Her section about the intersectionality of raising a black boy and a boy with processing issues is so powerful. I just loved this book.
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There really is a whole universe of things we don’t know about the human body. Not exactly comforting! I want doctors to know everything and fix it. Fascinating how Toph’s testing led to revelations for others. Also fascinating the role race plays in every interaction they had with doctors, school administrators and the level of care poc are getting.
I don’t vibe with the Christianity stuff, it’s just not my bag. I found the writing a little scattered. I also wanted a little more about her generalized anxiety disorder and how that impacted her coping with all these challenges.
This was a pretty interesting book, it made me think quite a bit. -
One of the most beautiful, real, vulnerable, poetic, and profound books I’ve ever read. How brave it is to tell an unfinished story, and Taylor Harris does it remarkably. And all of the Charlottesville references made this book hit a lot closer to home:’) This is one I won’t soon forget!
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There are problems with diagnosis for numerous metabolic or brain function diseases or abnormalities. Few people realize how many and varied. I carry one and do I know it. Many have no names. Others do have names. But nevertheless are determined only after a whole lot of other tracks to "ruling out".
This is a memoir of a mother and the answers to her son's conditions. Varied at times. Also her own tale of long term anxiety and depression core the entire. And other racial and religious testimonies are entwined.
This was interesting to me as endrocine system genetic difficulty situations are rife through a branch of my maternal line. My first cousin's child has a boy with a very similar low blood sugar roller coaster. Almost contrary to Type 1 diabetes.
It's written in scattered continuity. But definitely worth the effort despite the poor prose flow. And despite her continually using the racism card as if no one ever gets their urine test lost or has doctor issues because of their particular rarer genetic markers or ethnic identity.
I sure wish the use of antidepressants during pregnancy was covered in a much deeper manner here too. -
Well, that was quite a book. I had been looking forward to reading this since I heard it was coming out, partly because I have read several of Harris’ essays and I knew she was a good writer with a compelling story to tell, and partly because her story inhabits the literal world of Charlottesville I live in. I’m pretty sure I saw her in Target once, years ago.
This was a lovely, often heart-wrenching memoir that I identified with in many ways, as a mother with my own medical and emotional issues. But I am not raising a son with anything particularly complex in his life, nor am I Black, and Harris illuminates the intersection of these experiences deftly, with tenderness, anger, humor, and wisdom. I’m very glad to have read this.
As an aside, it is strange to read a book about your own still smallish community and encounter people in the story whom you know of or have met before. -
A 2022 staff favorite recommended by Jean. Read her review on our blog, Shelf Life:
https://shelflife.cooklib.org/2022/04...
Check our catalog:
https://encore.cooklib.org/iii/encore... -
I wanted to like this more than I did having seen the author in Nashville. The book jumped around and there was a lot of talk about health problems of others than just her son. Still learned a few things about being black in America and the stress of medical care and education.
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I feel lucky to have crossed paths with the Harris family in Charlottesville, Paul’s lectures and Taylor’s words have made such an impact on me. Highly rec this memoir!
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Good memoir. The author tells story of her son who has a medical condition that is undiagnosable. Then in turn she learns of an unexpected genetic condition about herself. Focus is on motherhood, navigating medical and educational systems as a Black family with a child with a disability. At the end of the book, the pandemic’s impact is mentioned as well as her husband being denied tenure at UVA which made national news, so I’m sure this memoir could’ve went on even longer, if those stories were told.
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Beautifully written in every way. A very special thing to get to read a book written by someone who called Charlottesville home—loved the Bodo’s and Shenandoah Joe’s references:))
“I cannot pretend to understand how we are formed by God, seen and known in the Before, then born in fragile, resilient bodies that hurtle toward growth and decay. Yet we are seen and not abandoned. My God, this is hard.” -
I thought this memoir was very compelling. Maybe it’s my background as a pediatrician but the story of this mom and her boy and their family felt very honest and vulnerable. The ending wasn’t super strong and I also got annoyed by the narrator mispronouncing medical terms but other than that, I thought it was very good
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Tore through this in a day. I have so much to ask and say and think about.
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Beautifully written memoir. I learned a lot from Harris. Highly recommend!
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I read this book because Taylor Harris is an AViD author I am glad I did. It's a hard read, but worth it. It moved me in a lot of different ways. The general worries of motherhood (though I am not equating general mom paranoia and worry with Harris's diagnosed anxiety), complexities of marriage when the unexpected happens, how faith and community both support and disappoint. I appreciated her perspectives on the educational and medical system, the impact of race on their experiences, and how real but not simple her faith is. She writes in an intimate way that made her feel like a friend.
A quote I wanted to remember:
"In the Church, Jesus is often a haloed baby or crucified body; he is a fish multiplier or water strider. What if we talked about the time Jesus shook with fever? Maybe he never got the flu, maybe he cut his hand collecting wood or woke up with brain fog after the death of his dear friend Lazarus. What if we had more imagination for the incarnate parts of God incarnate? What if I have lazily cordoned off as mystery parts of my faith that were always intended to be explored? What if unknowable does not mean unsearchable?" -
I don’t know how to describe this book, except to say that it made me cry a hundred times, and is one of few nonfiction books I have read cover to cover. That only happens with the very best, most honest memoirs.
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Who is this child?
Who is this child? I think this is a question all parents can relate to as we've all uttered it. Harris unfortunately must answer this question thru mysterious medical incidents that get to the health of not only her son, Tophs, but ultimately herself. I absolutely drove head first into this book and was drawn into the story and the writing. The back and forth between Toph's mystery illness and Harris's own anxiety was well done. However a little more than halfway thru the book the layout changed and became harder to follow for a bit but the book finished strong. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone because I think the minor issues I had were more of an editor issue than a storyline issue. -
“When I have to make a quick parenting decision, I put my motherhood on trial,” Taylor Harris writes, in a different kind of parenting book. She invites the reader to tag along as she advocates, in hospitals and schools, for a medically complex Black boy who has yet to be offered a unifying diagnosis, all while managing her own diagnosed anxiety. “While prayer and my faith help to still the frantic waves of my brain, so does Zoloft,” she writes in a memoir that ends up being much more than an ode to her husband and son.
It serves that role handily though, capturing their strengths like bugs in amber. We get to know the self-assured, reliable husband “who’d bought a pair of Rockports in his twenties because they were comfortable, [and] showed up without delay or question.” It’s difficult for any parent to navigate a pediatric hospital, but Harris ably describes how racism makes everything so much worse: “A Black male, even one with a crisp goatee and blazer, must inquire in the most peculiar way, his nonverbal cues and tone alternating between calm and concern. He must not offend. He must show his spine. He must not offend.”
If Paul’s quiet dignity oozes from the pages, Tophs’s imperfect perfection jumps out of them. Harris writes:
“[S]ometimes Tophs’s search for a word reminded me of computer coding. Instead of train, he might say, ‘What is that box thing that moves with those other boxes?’ … Another time, angry at Paul in a restaurant, he yelled from the booth, ‘You're not my dad!’ He was quoting a line from Annie, starring Quvenzhané Wallis. He used this line again and again ... [like] when he didn’t want to go potty. He’d even add, ‘I’m not an orphan. I’m a foster kid!’ The timing of his Annie lines told us he identified with the character’s emotion. Her words became a vessel for his frustration and sense of betrayal. I don’t know if that’s a life hack, but … I saw it as a win, Tophs’s version of texting a GIF.”
Harris’s story is eminently relatable. A lactation consultant blames her nursing technique rather than admitting a problem. She missed a feeding early on in Tophs’s life and wonders, “What if all my son’s maladies and challenges can be traced to this one moment … ? What if, in those early hours, I damaged a pathway, a circuit, that never quite repaired itself?” Her rumination feels as familiar as it is uniquely illustrative: “Ice cream is no longer just ice cream when it’s the last thing your son ate before he woke up, a shell of himself,” she writes, and, at another juncture, “I felt silly worrying about how Tophs smelled when we were out, but I did.… What should I say to them? We bathe him. I don’t even eat fish. It’s this medicine he takes, to fix a problem we’re not sure he has. It may be a fluke. He might drop dead.”
Her family’s struggles are at times quotidian but no less interesting in Harris’s wry hands: “After heavy news, I tend to go numb, then turn inward with existential thoughts, whereas Paul hops over to another box in his mind and does the work in front of him. A profile written on me as Tophs’s mother would be titled ‘Woman Drifts Alone at Sea with Bag of Red Velvet Donuts.’ Paul’s would read ‘Man Gets Inbox Down to Seven.’”
Not everyone will appreciate the heavy dose of spirituality and figurative language (e.g., “the lab would sort through his exome, maybe the way dry cleaners sort through the mechanical rack of blazers and dresses until your garment is found”). The book’s pacing is a bit uneven, sagging under the weight of the middle, but that could be intentional, making us all feel viscerally the frustration of month after month spent craving medical and maternal redemption. “My chief concern as Tophs’s mother remained this sense that I couldn’t consistently get through to him,” she writes, “as though he were a place, and I was an eager but frustrated traveler who might never reach it.” But Harris ultimately does, through a long faithful bearing of witness. At one point Tophs says, “A lot of things have happened to me and I am perfectly made.” All told, This Boy We Made is too.
*This review originally appeared in the Golden Gate Mothers Group and at
readymommy.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/t...* -
I've read a few of Harris' essays and blogs over the years so I knew I'd like her book, but I never imaged how much. A beautiful narrative of so many different important topics set against the backdrop of Charlottesville, a character in and of itself. Although, you certainly don't need to live in Charlottesville to connect with this book. Harris leads you gracefully into the wilderness and sits with you there, both in her own story and in your own life. This book is a must read for everyone but especially for anyone identifying as: mother, Christian, educator, health care employee, and/or white.
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I'm not the target audience for this book and wouldn't have picked it up if it wasn't for The Stacks Bookclub.
It started off really strong and I had high hopes that Harris would not only tell a compelling story about her child's mystery illness but infuse it with facts about healthcare and the wider system of childcare and healthcare for children. Instead she presented vignettes about her life with no context and didn't explore how she navigated between her faith and science and medicine. I had a constant fear she was going to divulge she's antivax.
I also felt like she has a patriarchal relationship with her husband in regard to traditional marriage and faith roles and I honestly just didn't like that.
Maybe a parent would like this more than me (although I personally wouldn't recommend it to any friend or family parents I know!). Eh, decide for yourself. -
This memoir was recommended to me by a friend, and I’m so glad she brought it to my attention. I instantly felt connected to Taylor Harris through many of our similarities: Close in age, from the Midwest, suffer from anxiety, love coffee and Krispie Kreme donuts, like to quietly ponder thoughts and feelings before sharing, stay-at-home moms who constantly worry about our children, full of self-doubt, hope, and determination. She made me giggle at times, and tear up at others. I really enjoyed her writing, and I couldn’t stop reading, wanting to know more about her family’s story, medical mysteries, racial discrimination, and faith. Just overall a great memoir and read. I’ll end my review with her son Tophs’s psalm, which is absolutely perfect: “A lot of things have happened to me and I am perfectly made.” 💗💗💗
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Trite. Disorganized. Way too Christiany.
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A beautifully written memoir - funny, touching, sad, honest, heartbreaking, and gripping. I wished it wasn’t over and could read Taylor’s writing all day! She is truly a gifted writer who shares her story so memorably. A wonderful read!
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Loved this beautifully written, deeply moving memoir of parenting a child with extra needs. The author's self-reflection and ability to articulate her inner world is amazing. Her description of a panic attack was the most immersive and illuminating I've ever read. Threaded throughout was the extra layer of racism faced by their family in navigating medical and educational systems that are already confusing and maddening.
I randomly chose this book from the library shelf - not my usual practice of reading a review and putting it on hold - and am so grateful to have grabbed it.
