Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality: Empowering Your Kids to Understand and Live Out God’s Design by Hillary Morgan Ferrer

Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality: Empowering Your Kids to Understand and Live Out God’s Design Reviews

• 
  Susy C. Lamb *MotherLambReads*

  Once again this these ladies have poured their hearts and God given talent to write this book for such a time as this. Topics discussed but not limited to were: new sexual education standards, language and morality of the sexual agenda, new definitions of identity, expression, sex, and attraction, and the purity culture (which lightbulb moment) has caused so much harm.
  
  Many other eloquent reviews have been written which suffice to say this book seemed to me a present day warning of what is already happening to our kids and schools, media, and culture! It’s astounding how words and terminology are now being redefined and changed. The things our kids are facing now are things not even my Grandmother could imagine.
  
  
  Both authors give a bold proclamation of what is happening sexually in our culture, how the church must take a stand and correct how we have been acting, and how we Mama Bears can make a difference.
  
  “HOW can we as the church help you carry this cross?” is the motiff that stood out to me. Church, we must do better in standing our ground IN love and loving the “unloved” or those who are “different” than us. If not we will be losing our own soon!
• 
  Drew Taylor

  Every Christian needs to read this book!
  
  I first heard about this book on a Podcast, and I thought I’d check it out even though I’m not a mama yet. As a teacher, I figured I could glean nuggets of wisdom to teach to my students subliminally when they come to me asking questions regarding sexuality.
  
  Little did I know I would end up with a sleuth of knowledge (scientific, historical, and biblical). I learned so much from this book that will stay with me.
  
  The authors present the information in such a clear, sometimes humorous way that is easy to trek with and consume. Again, this book is for more than just Mama Bears…but every adult Christian who has teens in their lives that trust them and confide in them.
  
  Seriously, go read this!
  
  
• 
  Lydia Albano

  TO ALL WOMEN: READ THE BOOK....BUT SKIP THE LAST CHAPTER (Cross to Bear). WOMEN WERE DESIGNED FOR SEX, TOO.
  
  I loved the first Mama Bear Apologetics book. I think it did a good job breaking down ideas and thoughts through a biblical lens. It also broke down concepts for kids into manageable and understandable lessons that Mama Bears could use to teach morality and good decision making.
  
  As soon as I finished listening to the first Mama Bear Apologetics book, I rushed to this one. I was most curious for this one because I had hear Morgan Ferrer interview on the Restored2More podcast, and I loved her take on biblical sexuality. I thought it was well reasoned, balanced between truth and grace, and had strong biblical reasoning.
  
  Most of the book was exactly that. I am so glad that Morgan Ferrer and Davis focused on the idea that any sexual immorality is an affront to God -- not just the LGBTQ sexuality. I also appreciate that they accepted that we all struggle, and that same sex struggle is just that -- a temptation that does not need to be acted on. Just like premarital sex. I am glad they held to the standard that living together and being sexually active before marriage is just as much a sin, just in a different shell, and neither brings honor to God.
  
  I struggled, but appreciated, with the grace aspect of how to come back once someone has made a decision to pursue sex outside of marriage. And I mean, personally working through this as I've seen marriages struggling because one spouse chose to not follow God's design - seeing the struggle with the grace. I appreciate that Morgan Ferrer and Davis came to this with the idea that redemption is possible (with hard work and repentance!).
  
  I also appreciate how the did not put on kid gloves in their chapter on pornography. I don't think parents of older kids realize how destructive pornography is in relationships, and my generation of porn addicts is reaping the rotten fruit of not having guidance or help, or help way too late, and is suffering the consequences. Parents with young children cannot afford to pretend that porn does not exist or that they can shelter their children their whole life. That doesn't work in 2022.
  
  I really appreciate most of the thoughts....but why did I give it 3 stars then?
  
  It was literally for the last chapter, the second cross to bear. While all of the information in the book was phenomenal, the statement in that second cross to bear was extremely damaging and, for me, undid a lot of the messaging that was in book previously. It is literally why I am hesitant now to recommend the book.
  
  The second cross to bear acknowledged that it is hard for men in current society to remain chaste. I was cringing internally at the first cross to bear, when Morgan Ferrer suggested that perhaps we parents have forgotten what it was like to have to wait for sex until marriage with the insinuation that most of us got married young (yeah-- nope. I wrestled and had to put my urges on the back burner until I was almost 30 years old because that was when my spouse entered my life). Oh yeah --I'm a woman, by the way. Who struggled with urges to have sex when single....
  
  So why is there a cross to bear only for the men? The most incorrect and unresearched information came in this cross to bear. That women cannot understand what it is like for men to have to wait to have sex because women have lower sex drives is "normal". And "God bless the men" who find a woman who has a higher drive.
  
  I wanted to cry. Because I am one of those women. And I am finding a community of those women. And we are often married to men who don't have extremely high sex drives...so we are struggling with sex in marriage. The current accepted statistic is 20% of marriages (read 1 in 5 women) have a wife in the marriage that has a higher drive. I think that statistic is going to rise because of 1. the prevalence of pornography and men choosing to wire their brains for fantasy instead of real relationship making future married sex a lot less appealing 2. the reality that Purity Culture has damaged men just as much as women to have shame regarding sex 3. the correction of the Purity Culture that is healing women from the shame of sex and they are finding that they are sexual beings with urges just as much as men. But still -- 1 in 5 at the moment. It may be less common, but it is certainly NORMAL.
  
  I've also found that as women get older, sex drives tend to flip. Men get less interested as they get older. So you potentially have Mama Bears reading that have higher sex drives than their husbands. You've just now called them abnormal. Really?
  
  This message, because it is untrue and misrepresentative, is harmful for two reasons:
  1. The message can make a woman who is the Higher Drive Wife (HDW) in her marriage feel weird and out of place, sending her spiraling even more into shame as all she has gotten in her life is messaging that she'll need to put out. Meanwhile she longs for her husband to pursue her, as he has not had the put out messaging in his own life and might even struggle with shame that he does not want her often, and she's being told by an author in a book that men would be lucky to have her. How absolutely damaging to her self esteem and her sexuality.
  2. If a woman is not a HDW, she can continue with the harmful messaging that sex in marriage is by and large wanted only by the husband. That women cannot understand the draw of sex in the same way. She has daughters. One of those daughters is a woman with a higher drive. The shame cycle continues.
  
  I really did appreciate the rest of the information in the book. But I am so sad that such incorrect messaging made its way into the end. I am trying to figure out a way to recommend this to others but suggest they skip the last chapter. It really did ruin the entire message for me and I think it will end up being more damaging than helpful. I am hoping Morgan Ferrer and Davis will get pushback and amend the messaging before more misinformation can be spread.
  
  So yes....read the book! But skip the last chapter.
• 
  Brittany Shields

  “Our kids are being desensitized, song by song, cartoon by cartoon, numbed to the point where immorality feels like no big deal. We want them to be able to dispense with the false ideas about sexuality that our culture sends their way.”
  
  I recently read
  ‘Mama Bear Apologetics’ which is a book focused on exposing cultural lies and helping our children become critical thinkers to form and hold onto biblical beliefs. I loved the book and have recommended it so much since then.
  
  When I saw they were putting out a book talking about topics of sexuality specifically, I knew I had to read it.
  
  Both of these books are so essential for parents who want to train up their kids in truth in a world that makes it hard to.
  
  They are books you will want to own and I would almost guarantee that you will reference them more than once in the course of your children’s lives.
  
  
  I took so many notes on this book! Everything was solid and helpful. I wish I could share it all with you, but I’ll just share bits and pieces and trust that you will go out and buy this for yourselves!
  
  She does a great job of covering a lot of tough topics that are front and center in the world today with both truth and compassion. Mama Bear Apologetics is good about acknowledging the good and filtering out the bad. They are not afraid to point out where the church has gotten things wrong. They are bold to ruffle feathers on any side of an issue if it means speaking truth.
  
  One of the main things she includes in each chapter is how we should love other people. We ‘demolish arguments, not people.’ She calls us to “distinguish the person from the ideology.”
  
  “We don’t have to compromise conviction to show compassion.”
  
  When we talk about things that have become politicized, it’s easy to look past a person’s humanity. But we can’t. A person is an eternal soul, not just a walking version of their ideologies.
  
  
  Hillary points out that in the past parents have looked to schools or youth pastors to teach their kids about sex. It has often been a subject of taboo in families. She encourages us to stop letting our fears silence us.
  
  “Our kids want us to talk to them about sex.”
  
  If we don’t, they will find their answers elsewhere, and that is probably not a good thing.
  
  Within the umbrella of ‘sexuality’ she covers things like: premarital sex, pornography, same-sex attraction, transgenderism, sex positivity, purity culture, the Genderbread Person curriculum taught in schools, and ultimately what God’s design is for sex and sexuality.
  
  There are a ton of practical examples of how to communicate abut these things with your kids, questions to ask, and things to pray. Plus there are a lot of resources they offer in the back of the book and on their website to aid parents in talking about all these things.
  
  
  The first part of the book is important because she first explains God’s good design.
  
  “When we tamper with God’s plan for sex, we miscommunicate the truths that God had intended to be seen through the marital union.”
  
  The boundaries he places on sex are good.
  
  “The more important and powerful something is, the more it is usually safeguarded. Why wouldn’t we expect the same to be true about sex?”
  
  She spends time explaining a Christian worldview and how that interacts with our beliefs about sex and sexuality. About how what we do with our bodies matter.
  
  “Our desires don’t change the truth; they just reveal our fallenness. There are people who have sexual proclivities they did not ask for. But even if those desires come naturally through no immediate fault of one’s own, it does not make the desires moral, or in accordance with God’s design or intended purposes.”
  
  And lest we be overwhelmed by it all she reminds us that “We are not responsible for the entire direction of the culture. We are only responsible for what happens in our families.”
  
  Reading this book means that you are taking action to be informed and to be faithful to steward your children in biblical truth and trusting God with it all, knowing he is sovereign and loves our kids more than we do!
  
  
  I was really surprised by a lot of the statistics she shared, especially within Christian demographics, and the verbatim information from things being taught in schools. The stats on pornography were especially staggering.
  
  For example: “90% of teens, 96% of young adults are neutral, accepting, or encouraging of porn consumptions.”
  
  I am shocked by this. If all you read of this book is the chapter on porn, it would be worth it to understand the implications and effects of porn on people and their relationships. Porn is not harmless or empowering and it’s affecting our kids at an alarmingly young age.
  
  
  I liked that she emphasized that feelings, though not to be ignored, do not determine reality.
  
  I also liked how she showed that cultural sexual ethics actually uphold gender stereotypes. We need to let our children know that in terms of interests and hobbies and talents, there is a spectrum on what it looks like to be a boy or to be a girl. Gender stereotypes need to be done away with— not the genders themselves.
  
  Even as she shared what is moral and what is God’s design, she does not forget to talk about grace, love, and healing.
  
  Part of the purity culture chapter reveals some of the ways the church communicated to youth in the past (though probably not intentionally) that once they’ve lost their virginity, they are less than, that no one would want them, they are damaged goods.
  
  This is not true. No amount of sexual brokenness can keep you from the love or healing power of God. Wherever you are at while reading this book, it’s never too late to come to Christ for renewal. You’re never too far gone.
  
  That’s the beauty of the cross. We may feel like we’re losing out at first because we are dying to ourselves and dying to our desires that often give us pleasure. God gives us boundaries and we can no longer ‘do whatever we want.’ But we are coming into true freedom. We are gaining an identity that is not shifted by the winds of culture or our feelings. We gain stability, security, unconditional love, belonging, and the purity of Christ transferred to us. We gain life. We gain everything.
  
  
  Things to Repeat to Your Kids Until They Want to Gag
  
  I wanted to include her list (titled above) of these things because it’s true that we remember maxims pretty well since they are repeated so often. It makes it a great place to start when you don’t know what exactly to say to your children.
  
  You’ll have to read the book to have these fleshed out more.
  
  But it would be great to infuse these truths in our kids from a young age:
  
  1. What you do with your body matters.
  2. God gave you your body to take of it.
  3. Sex is the bodily renewal of marital vows.
  4. Authority means leading by serving.
  5. God created everything with a purpose, but there are few limits to what sin can break.
  6. You can say the right thing in the wrong way.
  7. Just because you feel it doesn’t make it true.
  8. Not all change is progress.
  9. What do you mean by that? How did you come to that conclusion? What actually happened?
  10. It’s okay to be normal and it’s okay to be different.
  11. It’s okay to be on the wrong side of history if you’re on the right side of eternity.
  12. Just because it feels good doesn’t make it good for you.
  13. You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair
  14. Feelings are terrible leaders but great followers.
  15. Neurons that fire together wire together, or You train your brain what you crave.
  16. We are only responsible for what we have even given.
  17. Everyone is suffering, just in different ways.
  
  
  I’m reminded more and more how sex-obsessed the world is. It has been made an ultimate thing that dictates people’s entire lives and identities. It hurts so many people and causes so much pain and brokenness. Sexual immorality is at the heart of a lot of the problems in this world.
  
  Christians are criticized for a biblical stance on sex, gender, orientation, pornography, and the like, but we can’t allow that to sway us from truth.
  
  This book is bolstering to me as a mom of both boys and girls to know that I don’t stand alone and I don’t stand foolishly. This is the truth God has commanded me to walk in and I am thankful for books like this that help equip me for the task.
  
  I hope this inadequate review is enough to encourage you to pick up the Mama Bear Apologetics books and fight for your children to know truth, to discern lies, and to be confident in God’s design for them.
  
  
  Relevant Books (she quoted from many of these and I’ve read them all)
  
  -
  What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung
  
  -
  Cynical Theories by Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsay (They talk about queer theory among other critical theories that play into the culture’s view of sexuality and how people communicate about it)
  
  -
  Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier
  
  -
  The Porn Problem by Vaughan Roberts
  
  -
  Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry
  
  -
  Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher (post review in Goodreads…)
  
  -
  What God Has to Say about Our Bodies by Sam Allberry
  
  -
  Born Again This Way by Rachel Gilson
  
  -
  Is God Anti-Gay? by Sam Allberry
  
  -
  The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Carl S. Trueman
  
  -
  Confronting Christianity by Rebecca McLaughlin
  
  - The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (I read this before I began reviewing, but it’s pretty insightful in tactics the devil may use to make us question God or engage in sin)
  
  
  More Quotes:
  
  “Our kids need to understand that chastity is faithfulness in body, mind, and heart; and Satan is going to attack all three.”
  
  “We don’t infuse courage by telling people there is nothing to fear when there is. We infuse courage by reminding them that whatever comes, they can face it head-on with God’s help.”
  
  “There are a lot of crosses to bear… No matter how unfair they are, no matter how inborn the desire is, they do not negate Jesus’s command to carry the cross of Christ.”
  
  “If identity is defined by a person’s psychological state, then we cannot tell people in the midst of depression that they are not worthless. They feel worthless, and according to this definition they are worthless— because that is the relation that has been established by their psychological identification.”
  
  “Our job as Christians is to make disciples, not heterosexuals.”
  
  “It’s only when something doesn’t have any inherent value that you can do whatever you want with it, which turns out to be the skeleton lurking in the closet fo sex-positivity. It encourages you to do whatever you want with whomever you want. The implicit message (that most people don’t pick up on) is that you and your partner(s) have no inherent value worth protecting. Consent can’t provide this value, and neither can pleasure. Sure, sex-positivity may sound like freedom, but in reality, it’s saying that your body and what you do with it don’t matter.”
  
  “He made the pleasures; all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden.”— Screwtape Letters (this is a demon speaking whose Enemy is God)
  
  “Boys are being conditioned to like what they see in porn, and the girls are being conditioned to perform to these boys’ likings.”
  
  “Kids model what they see heroized.”
  
  “We don’t abandon truth because of its abuses. We correct the abuses and stand firm in the truth.”
  
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• 
  Beverly

  This is a hard topic that most tend to avoid or just find it too uncomfortable to discuss at length. However, with all the confusion and pressures being thrown on our kids from our culture we cannot be passive and sit idly by. Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality tackles the things that are being taught to our kids in schools, informs us as parents to what the culture’s agenda is for our kids, and how to talk with our kids about these hard topics. It’s become not a if, but a when our kids will have questions and as parents we needs to be educated, with the foundation of God’s Word. This won’t be an easy read, but it is a necessary one.
• 
  Karen

  This book was amazing! Hillary covered the topics in such an easy to read format and with grace. I really appreciate her way of saying things as she expressed things the way I wish I could. I definitely thought this book was well written, and feel the informative. I will 100% be using the tips and ideas in this book to approach teaching about sex to our children. The most important thing I got from this book was that the act of sex is a physical way of remembering our marriage vows to each other. Love it! Highly recommend!
• 
  Hannah Kaye

  Well researched, very well argued, and extremely relevant. This is a book every Christian parent needs, and I’ll probably be rereading it in a few years as my kids get older and begin to bump against the stuff in our culture. I especially appreciated the sensitive and nuanced discussion of very delicate topics, without compromising on truth. A little eyebrow-raising and cheek-warming in parts, but definitely an encouraging and well-rounded discussion of God’s design for our bodies and relationships. Highly recommend!
• 
  Jen Olano

  This book made me love God more, and left me more in awe of his design. If you hold a biblical worldview, I would consider this a must read for both mothers AND fathers, or truly anyone with children in their lives. Particularly eye opening for me were the chapters on the current elementary sex education curriculums, pornography, and “true love waits” purity culture, etc — I know much damage came from that era of church history & I’m thankful they addressed it in a compassionate, and truth filled way (as they do with every topic!).
• 
  Patty Betts

  Great resource for us Mommas! We all need to speak to our children about sex and have those conversations throughout their lives. This is a wonderful book to help arm us mommas with fabulous truths and knowledge to encourage and strengthen our kids in a world of bogus theories! ❤
• 
  Sadie VanderKodde

  I want to write a review, but all I can think to say is that this book is brilliant. I think I underlined more than I left unmarked. I want to re-read it every year so these concepts are able to sink in to my psyche.
• 
  JJ Beairsto

  I pray that this organization keeps writing books! They are AMAZING and have completely changed how I view certain issues! Encouraged to implement more apologetics in my reading and Bible studies.
• 
  Erin

  Heard the authors of this book on a favorite podcast and knew I needed to read it. I so appreciated the Scripture-based teachings that help me as a parent stand firm against the ways our culture twists and perverts God's design. I found the chapters easy to understand, helpful, and practical and I will use these tools in my parenting journey again and again. (The afterward with mottos to repeat to your children until they roll their eyes was perfect. A simple, beautiful way to incorporate truths from Scripture into our kids' every day lives so it shapes their very core.)
  
  I did find in some instances that the tone the authors took came across as sarcastic and belittling of some of the ideas presented by culture. While I also disagreed with the precepts they were dispelling and was internally rolling my eyes, I hated the condescending tone. As the authors mentioned many times, we are called to love (and this is separate from giving our stamp of approval), but if our first reaction is eye rolls (preaching to myself), sarcasm and making fun, we aren't in a place where our love will shine through. A minor thing I found throughout the book that annoyed me about an otherwise excellent book.
  
  Would recommend this book to every Christian parent seeking to raise kids who stand firm for Biblical truth, who are counter cultural and who shine as lights in this dark generation while loving well.
• 
  Lisa

  Excellent. Such an important read. Every parent, grandparent, pastor, ministry worker, etc who desires to help young people cultivate a Biblical worldview would benefit from reading it. Very well written and researched and, as far as I’m aware, unlike any other current resource on this topic.
  This is incredibly helpful to us all - we must start with accurate understanding. Besides learning so much that I will need to keep rereading many chapters, I love the heart behind this book. The message to love well, to understand God’s words are the source of reality and truth, to live in truth, and to ask the Lord to “grant us love and compassion and understanding as we all carry our crosses, together.”
• 
  Mary Frances

  As a parent grappling with how to answer the cultural questions and messages crashing over this current generation of young hearts and minds with the force of a tsunami wave- this book is a life raft. Written with some humor, with clarity, Scriptural truth and a true gentleness for the confusion so many on the side of the sexual revolution are living in, this book is one I will reference again. Thank you Mama Bears for writing this.
• 
  Jessica Rowell

  This book touches on topics that most people would rather not deal with. But if we don’t deal with it and teach our children the truth, someone else will gladly step in and teach them “their truth.”
  We say it pretty often at our church, “Whoever wants the next generation the most will win them.” It’s an act of obedience to pass on the word of God to the next generation. While very heavy, this was a necessary read and a great tool to help me raise my child with Christian values in current culture.
• 
  Shannon McGarvey

  Absolutely loved this book. The topics covered in this book are so important, and they’re told from a compassionate, down to earth, yet firm tone. I think every woman should read this! The chapter on porn especially broke me for the children I’m raising. There’s so much out there we need to prepare them for.
• 
  Jenae

  I appreciated the objective and compassionate tone of this book while it simultaneously tackled some VERY tough subjects from a Biblical worldview. Every Christian parent of teens and tweens should read it.
  
  Chapter 13 was powerful and something all churches should be discussing. It brought tears to my eyes.
• 
  Mandy Day

  Wonderful book for my fellow sisters in Christ trying to navigate this secular world view that exists. "We are all equally flawed guilty, and equally burdened with hardships and we are equally covered by the grace of Jesus Christ. When we realize how much we've been forgiven we can turn and extend that same grace and compassion to others."
• 
  Sarah

  Read with a friend, and we'd discuss a few chapters every couple of weeks. It was very helpful.
• 
  Susanne

  A must read for parents. Such a great resource.
• 
  Jennifer Ruwisch

  What an important book. I recommend it for anyone, but most especially for single Christians and Christian parents. This will be going on my shelf of books to read again periodically as my kids get older.
  
  So much is covered in the book, but as the author says herself, this topic of healthy sexuality is a “cultural behemoth”. There are many resources given for those who want to read more and the authors did a lot of research.
• 
  Tara Anderson

  Every Christian parent needs to read this book to prepare their children for the increasingly immoral worldviews perpetuated by the media and public schools.
• 
  Julie Hood

  Uses Scripture ANDDDD logic to frame her position on many hot topics in our culture. Very well reasoned with practical tips for introducing big, countercultural ideas to your kids. A must read, not just for parents.
• 
  Candy Dalton

  So SO good!
• 
  Regina

  Studying apologetics with my kids is a huge part of our homeschooling experience. These books have helped immensely. I highly recommend!
• 
  Stephanie Mathews

  Well, the birds and bees talk just got a bit more complicated!
  This is definitely a good resource to navigate alot of the questions that arise with sexuality related issues.
• 
  Christy

  Very challenging. Will definitely be pulling this out for a refresher course as my kids grow up and these conversations start happening.