Trimming England by M.J. Nicholls

Trimming England Reviews

• 
  MJ Nicholls

  COMING AT YOU LIKE A BIG FAT WATERMELON OF ROLLICKING COMIC PROSE
• 
  Ian "Marvin" Graye

  VERSES FOR THE WRITER'S WRITER
  ["I am the writer's writer." - M.J. Nicholls]:
  
  A Reader's Lament
  
  Oh, writer of writers
  Why write such detritus,
  Born neither of passion
  Nor even coitus?
  
  What Stale Experiment is This?
  
  Are we supposed to be impressed
  That authors plagiarise the best
  Of early modernist fiction
  To indulge their metaffliction?
• 
  Daisy

  Who hasn't mentally made a list of all the people they’d get rid of if they had the opportunity? I’m not talking of the big guns that would really make a difference but of the people that are innocuous enough but drive you mad with their habits/stupidity or whatever. This is the book that imagines that. It is a clever premise - each county is able to exile one of their inhabitants to a grim hotel in Jersey for a length of time commensurate with the irritation their misdemeanour warrants; one chapter per miscreant.
  This is an incredibly funny novel that made me laugh aloud frequently and had me quoting sections to friends.
  In many ways it is a very modern novel, the opening sums up modern life perfectly, how there is a gif to use in every event - in this case one of the Cookie Monster looking scared in response to an out break of the Black Death in Uganda and the shame felt by a contestant who has given a ridiculous answer on Pointless (the actual snippet this tale is based on was widely circulated on the web proving that Nicholl’s character is not overreacting when she chooses to go into hiding) but there is enough in it to suggest that like me Nicholls is a 90’s kid at least musically. I’m sure references to Belly’s album Star, Lush and Idlewild will be lost on those that use heart as a verb.
  For all the biting satire and humour there are some poignant moments, one character who cannot reconcile herself to what she has done takes to wandering the town drunk, and another who laments that he has no-one in his life who cares enough to help him commit suicide.
  What permeates every page is Nicholl’s love of writing, of the author’s craft. One of the longest chapters details the painful process of procrastination, disillusion and perseverance of writing, and many other chapters are peppered with references to the current state of literature.
  This love may manifest itself in my only (minor criticism) of this otherwise witty and original book; it does veer towards being overwritten in places, “chocolate oblong’ rather than bar, but I get the feeling that the author is well aware of this himself, as one of his characters says,
  
  “I explained to Charlie that I had never been skilled at the concise mode…”
  
  A must-read for anyone who finds a lot of modern life frustrating and absurd, which must surely be all of us.
• 
  Noel Ward

  There were some very funny parts but overall a bit too disjointed for me. If you can imagine Captain Beefheart binge listening to the Man Buy Cow podcast and then being inspired to write a book then you can imagine this book (and therefore don't have to read it). There are lots of fun music references in here too. As a matter of fact I had my greatest enjoyment in reading it in the mental voice of Nick Cave's singtalking on "Rings of Saturn". That was fun for a while but also hard to sustain. Lots of creativity; very little coherence for me.
• 
  Jason

  M. J. Nicholls is a Jazz-Man Word-Smith or a Word-Smith Jazz-Man or a Jazz-Word Smith-Man…one of those at least, he has a unique way with words, he’ll use words that surely do not exist so you google them and yes “Bummershoot” is a word (even though Microsoft refuse to admit that and have done a red squiggle) and it is a word I shall be using whenever I can. He’ll reuse/rephrase words in a sentence and it gives the paragraphs (some rather long) a certain beat and that’s where the Jazz feeling comes in, you find yourself getting lost in the flow and really enjoying what he has conjured up.
  
  I like the idea of the plot, find a crappy hotel and then take the worst person in each county and send them to that hotel for an amount of time determined by just how bad their crimes are. I have to admit that I was rather interested in who got sent from my county, the crime revolved around the pressure of getting that perfect opening sentence. A reoccurring theme of the crimes was to do with writers, the chaos they create, the stress they cause, the abuse they direct at publishers and of course that opening sentence issue…I thought I’d go back to the beginning and check out Nicholls opening sentence, was it a good’un or will he being doing time? It features underpants and all bran so gets a thumbs up for me.
  
  The best in the book was about M. D. Thomas, an 82 year old from Warwickshire, a brilliant rant written on the side of a museum, I found myself agreeing with his words and was rather disappointed he was found guilty.
  
  Another clever, absurd book by Nicholls, it’s not going to be for everybody but if you’re ok with letting go of reality for a bit then you’re going to get quite a few laughs from this…and if you don’t like words, don’t worry there are a lot of great illustrations here too, a bit like YouTube but on pause.
  
  Blog review:
  https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2021...
• 
  Zadignose

  One could perhaps nitpick, but why would one bother when encountering a novel with such a sentence as "If I had kept my pinkies, I could have cut them off for another beautiful woman who wasn't burned in a fire and I could be making love to her instead"!
  
  But seriously, this book is brimming with entertainings and wittinesses and awe-inspiring skewerings of all things literary and political, and it contains a few entertainments on themes neither literary nor political for those who require a bit of variety, and it all ends brilliantly. It has the perfect mix of absurd humor and bleak cynicism to suit me. There is also plenty of sincere (and self-aware) raving, which is suitable as we all live in a world that deserves to be raved at and about.
  
  So, yeah, you, read the book.
• 
  Plateresca

  I think this is the weirdest book I've ever read. I also think this might be true for most people.
  
  I would describe this as a grotesque collection of satyric flash fiction about sorry, sad people. This might have something to do with how our society is distorted and unhealthy.
  
  It very much reminded me of how I once used to go to a writers' group meetings and we were writing to various prompts. I kept thinking about it, firstly, because some of those prompts had been so bizzare, and secondly, because a lot of the stories here are about feedback to creative attempts.
  
  I guess it is funny when it's not so very very sad.
  
  That said, I could never laugh at somebody killing their guide dog in order to get to hell quicker. I am sorry to be writing something ugly about a book which laments people writing ugly feedback to books, but I do owe more loyalty to dogs than to authors.
  
  I do not find jokes about vomit that funny either, but at least this doesn't hurt me like the other thing.
  
  To end on a more positive note,
  
  a quote (the author does love words!):
  

  '...she had more pressing things with which to press on (pressing flowers and tippling pressé). He had slumped into an unpleasant sump of self-reflection...'...
• 
  Billy Degge

  An anarchic, pomo and furious romp that deconstructs all cliches that I can think of - Trimming, England is a hysterical mirror to the insanity and division of our times. Strong recommend, and I'm not just saying that because Mr. The Author MJ Nicholls very very kindly provided an Epub of his delightful book. Please read it, I will be purchasing a physical copy come payday!
• 
  Paul

  We have probably all had those moments when the person in front in front of you in a queue is doing something really annoying or the exasperation of some people who fail spectacularly to wear a simple face mask properly. You could be just that tiny bit happier if you could somehow get rid of them.
  
  In an alternative Britain, set in 2021, the new British Prime Minister Frank Oakface has been elected just with the policy and mandate; to remove each county’s most annoying person and deport them for a period of time to the Hotel Diabolique, a one-star hotel in Jersey. But who will they send, and how long will their exile be for?
  
  The crimes that these characters have supposedly committed vary from Verbal Uxoricede committed by a Craig Scowly of Northumberland, Zydeco Awaking by Sim Triple from Staffordshire to the MP for Wiltshire who had been found guilty of the unbelievable crime of Blabberoonification. Then there is the slightly more believably crime of YouTube comment history by a certain Frank Fitch from East Sussex and Polly Toddle who was incarcerated and the reason given is ‘because she knows why’.
  
  This is one of the strangest books I have read in a while. It ranges from the absurd at times to the ridiculous fairly often. There are some amusing parts every now and again and Nicholls has a broad and warped sense of humour. I did struggle with it a little; I felt it was trying too hard to be funny at certain points. Not really one for me.
• 
  Jay Slayton-Joslin

  Finally, a chapter of a book told through Letterboxd reviews.
• 
  Maria Judnick

  I will be sharing my professional review shortly.