Care Of: Letters, Connections, and Cures by Ivan E. Coyote

Care Of: Letters, Connections, and Cures Reviews

• 
  CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian

  Healing and enraging at once, this is a heartfelt and generous book with a unique premise. Ivan Coyote gets a lot of letters, because their work as a writer but especially as a live storyteller who performs relentlessly around the world touches so many people. When the pandemic hit, they finally had time to sit down and write proper responses to some of them. The book collects both the original letters sent to Ivan and their letters back.
  
  I know the beautiful vulnerability in the letters Ivan received is there because of the original vulnerability that Ivan shares in their work. Mostly it's trans and nonbinary people, young and old, who have written in to share themselves (and in one case it's the dad of a trans kid). Everyone has amazing, heartbreaking, joyful stories that are a privilege to hear. Ivan's warm responses and consequent storytelling are equally compelling.
  
  Soemtimes the letter writer writes back and Ivan writes again. One such exchange is between Ivan and Ferron, an iconic Canadian lesbian folk singer. The two trailblazing queers had formed a creative friendship which is abruptly interrupt when Ferron posts transmisogynist crap on Facebook. Ivan's letter is so, so thoughtful and generous, a moving intervention into TERFism.
  
  Another stand-out exchange is with Niko Stratis (who is a writer at Autostraddle like me -- check out her stuff, I love it!). Niko and Ivan are two born and bred Yukoners and I felt lucky to get a glimpse of their bond as trans people from the Yukon.
  
  On a personal note, I was delighted to hear so many references to one of Ivan's last live pre-pandemic shows at the library in North Nanaimo. That's the library system I work for and I was there that night working at the event. It is thrilling to hear how this one library program touched so many lives.
  
  I've been reading Ivan Coyote since I was a baby queer in the early 2000s. One of their shows at UVic was one of the first queer events I went to ever. Listening to this audiobook was like coming home.
• 
  Eileen Mackintosh

  I loved this book. The book description says it better than I can. So much beauty in the writing style.
  
  Example: “A kid with a question that isn’t really a question at all. A kid with a little seedling of themselves wrapped up in the disguise of a question, and he or she or they hold it in there, in sweaty palms, and lift it into the space between us, and unwrap it just a little, just enough to let a bit of light leak onto it. Gymnasium floor beneath our feet and the smell of someone’s armpits floating everywhere around us, and this kid shows me a little of who they are, in an immense and sacred act of untested trust.” Page 42 #indigoemployee
• 
  Sara

  If you loved
  Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, I think you would love this book. Both the letters that were submitted to Ivan Coyote, and the author's responses to them are so filled with so much boundless humanity. Almost all of the correspondence touches on those who identify as trans, or non-binary, or queer, or some combination thereof, and yet each person has something very specific to say, and Coyote has something very specific to respond with. However, beyond queer identities there is so much that is universal about the stories in this book such as figuring out how to still love your family when you feel hurt by them, or the frustration of feeling constrained by rigid labels.
  
  Coyote's writing is just sublime, beautiful, raw, refined, and hits straight to the heart.
• 
  Danika at The Lesbrary

  As always, Coyote is a compassionate, thoughtful voice no matter whose letter they are answering. I actually feel like I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to listen to it even when I was too distracted to pay as much attention as it deserves, so I plan on rereading/relistening to this again very soon.
  
  Even though it's written during the early days of the pandemic, it doesn't feel dated. The topics being addressed are just as relevant now as they were then, and I think having a little bit of distance from 2020 helped me appreciate that aspect more; I'm not sure I could have listened to/read it during 2020, if it had been released then.
  
  Despite my comparisons to Dear Sugar and Dear Prudence, these aren't really letters with advice. They're more responses with commiserations, with stories that the original letter reminded them of, and sometimes with questions or pleas for the letter writer. They're personal, considered, and empathetic responses to all kinds of different people who have reached out to them.
  
  If you haven't read Ivan Coyote's books before, this is a good place to start. And if you have, you won't be disappointed by picking this one up, especially as an audiobook.
  
  Full review at
  the Lesbrary December 12th.
• 
  Vee

  This is Ivan at their rawest and is the kind of book that could only be written during a pandemic that leaves us alone with our thoughts, past, and future. Thank you Ivan for this book. I promise to write you a letter soon.
• 
  Dessa

  Everyone should write more letters. That’s it. That’s the tweet.
• 
  Shelley G

  This is tremendously thoughtful and kind and wise and full of grace.
• 
  Saivani

  Wow. Thank you Kenzie for inspiring me to read this and thank you to everyone who wrote letters to Ivan made me cry from now beautiful they were. I now want to write so many letters to all the wonderful people out there
• 
  df parizeau

  What about absolute heart filling joy this book is. Ivan's tenderness, care, empathy, and soul burst off the page. Tears abound while reading this one and I have the buzzing urge to write Ivan a letter now.
  
  And as much as Ivan's skillful storytelling makes this such a beautiful read, those that they have corresponded with, those who initiated these letter exchanges need to be thanked for their stories. Beautiful, just beautiful.
• 
  Brandon

  The COVID-19 pandemic changed all our lives.  For many of us, we had more free time than ever as we became secluded in our homes for months on end.  Unable to tour, writer and storyteller Ivan Coyote took their newfound free time to sit down and answer correspondence they’ve received from people over the years.  CARE OF is a collection of those letters complete with Ivan’s responses.
  
  It’s hard to review this one, if I’m being honest.  I wrote, deleted and re-wrote it a handful of times.  What is there to critique here?  This is raw human interaction.  Ivan does their best to answer some difficult questions about the perils of coming out to family and friends, about shattered relationships, and the complications that go hand-in-hand with navigating life as a non-binary or trans individual.
  
  This isn’t a particularly long book but Ivan is such an engaging writer that it was easy for me to finish it on a sunny afternoon on my balcony.  Like many of Ivan’s books I’ve read, this is an easy recommendation.
• 
  Lesli

  Wow this book is just amazing, so many emotions are swirling around my brain right now. I think it deserves more than 5 stars. There are so many things about being transgender or non-binary that I never even realized would be an issue, and so many things that are so relatable to even a just not very girly girl like me. I remember being absolutely livid at my parents for making me wear a shirt in the hot summer when my brothers did not have to, and demanding an explanation.. probably when I was about 4 or 5? so this chapter really made me chuckle. But there were a lot more experiences that really brought tears to my eyes, and I think these stories are a great way for me to learn how I can be more inclusive in my own interactions with people of any gender or orientation. This is the first of Ivan's books that I have read but now I really want to read more.
• 
  Sara

  I've never read any other of Ivan's books and now I desperately want to. Their writing is so warm and heartfelt and parts of this book made me cry (both from relief/happiness and from sadness).
  
  I made a new "shelf" on here called Books That Feel Like a Warm Bath and this is going directly on there. If you're looking for a book that's full of heart and is really soothing than this is the book for you.
  
  ps. The views expressed in this review are my own and do not reflect the views of Indigo Books & Music Inc. or any of its subsidiaries. #IndigoEmployee
• 
  el

  though i learned so much and heard so many new voices in this book, it also had the unique quality of making me feel like i was coming home. coyote’s writing is familial and nostalgic, but also urgent and so well excecuted. i was also reminded of how much i enjoy reading local/canadian stories!! this is my second ivan coyote read and i am quite literally putting their entire bibliography on hold as we speak.
• 
  Alejandra Navarro

  first tear: page 18
• 
  Laurel

  Written at the height of Covid, this is an intimate connection between the author responding to letters written to them and the reader. I love Ivan’s writing style and think it is another home run, made even better by listening to the author themselves read the audiobook.
• 
  Grace

  Ivan is so generous with their words and time, listening to them will make you cry.
• 
  K.S.C.

  This was a much-needed cathartic, healing read. I so appreciate Ivan Coyote for compiling this book of correspondence and everyone involved in it.
• 
  Gail Amendt

  I always enjoy Ivan Coyote's books, and they always add to my understanding of gender-diversity. When the Covid pandemic hit, all of Ivan's speaking engagements were canceled, so they started answering a huge backlog of letters and emails from fans. This book includes a few of the most special and touching letters, and Ivan's often long and very personal replies. Some day, when the pandemic is over, I would love to hear Ivan speak.
• 
  Alexis

  A tender, moving, book.
• 
  Zoom

  Ivan Coyote writes the best books, and, as it turns out, also the best letters. This is a collection of favourite letters received by Ivan, and Ivan's letters back. The pandemic finally provided the time they needed to catch up with a collection of correspondence that needed slow, thoughtful responses.
  
  Ivan is, as always, kind, compassionate, thoughtful, tender, funny and generous. The world needs more Ivan. And the people who write to Ivan are also interesting and thoughtful people who write good letters and pose intriguing questions.
  
  As a reader, I tried to pace myself and savour them, but towards the end I started gobbling them. I liked them all, but I had a few favourites, including the very last one - it was a shimmering star of a letter.
  
  There was an anecdote in this book that made my jaw literally drop. It was about a transphobic health care worker who refused to touch Ivan. She refused to insert the transvaginal ultrasound probe into Ivan's vagina, so Ivan had to do it themself. Not only was Ivan forced to endure this appalling indignity and lack of care, but they also had to try to educate a health care provider on basic trans realities at the same time. And if that wasn't enough, it wasn't even enough - the health care provider and her supervisor didn't even pretend to care about basic trans realities. (No wonder so many trans and gender diverse people avoid the health care system.)
  
  Anyway, this is another terrific (and mostly heartwarming) book from my favourite storyteller, Ivan Coyote.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• 
  Trina

  Such a sweet book, birthed by a global pandemic. Ivan writes responses to notes and letters they’ve received over the years of public speaking and storytelling. The pandemic finally creating the time and space to take a deep breath and dive into folders of saved messages.
  
  The letters are so care full. I think I cried for the first time on page 2 of their first response. So much care and love and connection throughout this book, centering trans and queer experiences and all the subtleties and diversity found within. There is joy and comfort, and there is heartache and pain.
  
  I haven’t read any other of Ivan’s book, nor have I seen them storytell in person. The odd sentence seemed a bit precious, but that could just be authentic Ivan. I’m unsure but it didn’t stop my from enjoying deeply.
  
  I especially enjoyed the few interactions that went beyond one response. The nuance of Ivan’s relationship with their father. And what *was* so special about the event in Nanaimo?
• 
  Laura Sarmiento

  Extremely touching and raw, Ivan puts their entire experience of reflection during the pandemic into poetic letters that should have been sent years ago. It was wonderful to read something queer and non-fiction from an elder gay who is still finding their true state of happiness. While the sole format written like letters was not for me, a lot of it felt like the narrator was dumping SOME not ALL unnecessary traumatic person details into responses to thank you letters, the stories were all beautiful nonetheless. I would have loved to know more about the letter to the TERF but I understand that her opinion is irrelevant to the purpose of the book. Ivan this was beautiful! A great example of a well executed pandemic project.
• 
  Nicole

  My heart is touched both a little battered and bruised and yet at the same time strengthened and uplifted by this book. The audio version narrated by Ivan’s soothing and expressive voice is so beautiful. There were many times I didn’t want to stop the book but wanted to skip out on getting out of my car and wished I could drive for hours just listening and absorbing Ivan’s discourse with the many letter writers that have taken the time to write them “special letters”. Thank you Ivan for continuing the bare your soul to help me see you and your brothers and sisters. I promise to do my best to create space and be an ally.
• 
  Shannon

  An incredibly moving collection of over twenty exchanges written to and by Ivan Coyote - a beloved trans and nonbinary storyteller. The letters showcase a variety of Indigiqueer individuals searching for connection and understanding and is AMAZING on audio read by the author. Highly recommend listening to this incredible book. I loved how heartfelt and thoughtful the author's responses were and enjoyed the pandemic reflections sprinkled throughout.
• 
  Robynne

  Listened to Coyote read their own stories and found them very moving. Strongly recommend, especially for those interested in hearing a non-binary perspective.
• 
  Nel

  Cried a lot.
• 
  Alex!

  dear god they’ve done it again. I’m writing them an email
• 
  k leslie margaret

  I couldn’t put it down and hated reaching the end. I’m so grateful for the honesty and pain and hope in these pages.
• 
  Rochy Le-FolleAllié

  comme un gros câlin d'une douceur inexplicable sur mon coeur de rural trans queer