I Had a Brother Once: A Poem, a Memoir by Adam Mansbach

I Had a Brother Once: A Poem, a Memoir Reviews

• 
  Krista

  the things he gave me
  are totemic & devoid
  at once. a hand drum
  from ahmadabad, a
  costa rican hammock,
  a cuban baseball jersey,
  some low red candle
  holders from the crate
  & barrel outlet store,
  a ginger grater he
  swore by, a wooden
  molinillo that was
  a favor at his wedding,
  a yerba maté gourd &
  metal straw, a kurta pyjama.
  on his birthday & the
  anniversary of his death,
  i gather a few into a pile
  & think this, this is all i
  have left or tell myself
  i had a brother once.

  
  The subtitle says it all:
  I Had a Brother Once is both a poem and a memoir; a free form verse that tells the story of a life going on after another life ends. Other than the potty-mouthed picture books he’s famous for (
  Go the F**k to Sleep et al), I didn’t know of Adam Mansbach’s work (which I now understand to be wide-ranging and lauded), and without that knowledge, I thought this to be a strange left turn for (what I mistakenly considered) a humourist who got lucky. What this is is elegiac and expansive; a moving tribute to and a frank exploration of family and what remains when all seems lost. I’m giving this five stars: not because I think it’s the best thing I’ll ever read, but it did move me, and considering the engaging and appropriate format he chose, I can’t imagine how Mansbach could have done this better. (Note: I read an ARC through NetGalley and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)
  
  

  my father said
  david has taken his own life
  
  & i answered as if i didn’t
  understand or hadn’t heard.
  my reply was what? & he
  repeated it. there is plenty
  to regret & perhaps this
  is insignificant but i
  wish i had not made him
  say it to me twice.

  
  Mansbach’s brother killed himself just two weeks before Go the F**k to Sleep was officially released; a book that was, at the time, the fastest selling preorder in the world. Already booked on an extensive publicity tour, after David’s funeral, and while still unable to reconcile the brother in hidden pain with the bigger-than-life brother that he knew, Mansbach was forced to spend months appearing on morning television and radio talk shows, answering questions about his potty-mouthed picture book and dreading that someone would have learned about David’s suicide and ask him about that. How could the best and the worst thing to ever happen to you occur just two weeks apart? And how do you live with that? This slim volume seems the result of someone trying to work out an answer to such imponderables of life.
  
  I liked what appeared to be Mansbach’s self-awareness here:
  
  

  here begins a different
  kind of struggle, on this
  page, akin to keeping the
  steering wheel perfectly
  straight, a struggle not
  to crane out of this shot, not
  to add voiceover, not
  to do the one thing i am
  trained to, which is make
  things legible, impose
  structure & plot, motivation,
  a frame, a double helix of
  narrative to snake through
  the spine, to be the spine.
  here i am, here we are,
  not fifty feet from the news
  of my brother’s suicide &
  already i can feel a tug at
  the reins.

  
  Or while describing his brother’s “out of proportion” idiosyncrasies: in my fiction workshop they would have been derided as lazy, an end run around character development. Something in this poem form allows Mansbach to free himself from the "rules" of long-form prose (while acknowledging them) and also gave him just enough space to relate the highlights of his own life (who knew he was a hip-hop DJ, a Professor of Fiction at Rutgers, or a travelling tech for "the world's gretaest drummer", Elvin Ray Jones?) I also appreciated that being true to himself meant that Mansbach would turn to dark humour at times:
  
  

  on the curb, emery asked
  if he could pray for me &
  i said yes & meant it. he
  grabbed both my shoulders,
  bowed his head. it began
  heavenly father. i’d never heard
  anyone make up a prayer
  before; in judaism that is called
  forgetting the words.

  
  And he could also reach for the engaging literary metaphor:
  
  

  time is longer than rope but
  both can strangle you or
  knot themselves beneath
  your feet & implore you
  to climb.

  
  Touching and thought-provoking, I Had a Brother Once succeeds at what it is; I hope it offers healing for the author and others facing such inconceivable loss.
  
• 
  Deborah

  In a stream of consciousness epic poem and memoir, Adam recalls when his father telephoned that his brother, David, committed suicide; the aftermath; their childhood; his struggles; the grief and anger; the depression; their Jewish ancestry; their grandfather; a book tour; and American jazz drummer Elvin Ray Jones. A life lost just before David turned 40. If only David, David’s wife, and their parents had disclosed David’s depression to him before he died maybe Adam thought he could have prevented his death. The book is powerful and moving, raw and expressive, sorrowful and heart wrenching.
• 
  Ann

  This book takes your breath away and is both deeply insightful and profoundly questioning. At times I had to step away, at times compulsively read, and in the end feel grateful the author shared such intense and intimate feelings about his brother.
• 
  Jacopo Quercia

  As a survivor of suicide, I can say with clarity that this book could change and save your life. Beautifully written and heartbreakingly honest. I read it in one day, and so should you. 5 stars.
• 
  Reb

  3.5/5 Stars.
• 
  Rachel

  Earlier this year I lost my uncle. He died by suicide. He didn’t leave a note. Although I was not as close with my uncle as Adam Mansbach was with his brother, I found this book to be therapeutic.
  
  This work was haunting, touching, raw, beautiful...a glimpse into the author’s mind and his grief. I hope this was as therapeutic for Adam to write as it was for me to read. Thank you Adam Mansbach for sharing some of your most intimate thoughts with us to help us all heal.
  
  Thank you to Adam Mansbach, Random House Publishing Group, and #NetGallery for an eARC of #IHadaBrotherOnce in return for an honest review. Review will be posted on NetGallery, Goodreads, and Facebook.
• 
  Shannon Hall

  Beautiful. Heartbreaking.
• 
  Emily

  I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher and Netgalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
  
  I do not typically read poetry, but I was in the mood for something real, something different with meaning. This book was not beautiful, it wasn't meant to be. It was real, however, and powerful. It was an author's voice at a different volume. In a different tone and with a different purpose. It was Adam's voice trying to shed the machine that made him successful, and instead, produce a genuine, hand-made work that meant more, though it wasn't as pretty or as a mainstream. It was perfect. In the way something should never be perfect. It paves a road for grief, mourning, mental illness, and love. A path that we wish didn't need paved, but it does, and too many ignore it. It had to be done, and I'm honored to have read it.
  
  Don't see the word "poetry" and assume things will rhyme, or even had a satisfying rhythm...just know that it will express something meaningful in a new way, and it's worth reading.
• 
  Audrey

  oof this was brutal and beautiful.
  I often struggle with stories written in verse but this was absolutely the right medium for this heartbreaking memoir.
  completely exceeded all expectations. absolutely stunning writing, paired with a really interesting integration of the author's experience with religion and becoming a viral sensation.
• 
  Lex

  I was expecting this to break me, and it did not disappoint. Mansbach writes a story that is equally well-crafted and personal. Though the medium of poetry, he shows the reader who his brother David was before, during, and after his death, as well as how he affected those who were left behind. Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide can relate to the honesty and reality that Mansbach writes. The only criticism I had against the book is that the chapter breaks were kind of weird. Some would carry on to an entirely new part of the story and others continued where the last chapter left off. It seemed as though they were only there to break up the long poetry, but I think I would have preferred it as one large piece. Overall, I recommend this to anyone who has felt the pain of losing a loved one to suicide or just wants to read a personal account from someone who has.
  
  Disclaimer: I received a free e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Grant

  This long-form poem feels like a coping process, a kind of grieving, a figuring out how to live with loss. Something we all need to do, sooner or later, yet it is also amusing in parts. Mansbach carries a certain light quality throughout parts of the poem; a "comedic relief," could say. And why not... that is perhaps the best way to deal with loss, after all. To learn to laugh at it, and at the absurdity of life in general. I wouldn't necessarily call him a great poetic stylist, Mansbach, but there is heart to this.
• 
  Susan Tunis

  Mercifully short and utterly heartbreaking. Listening to the audiobook, I listened to the author's voice literally and figuratively as he processed his grief over his brother's shocking suicide.
  
  I would hope (and I believe) that I would have the humanity to empathize with anyone experiencing this kind of pain. But honestly, his expression of his Judaism also spoke to me. Faith or no faith, it is the core of who we are. And at death we seek comfort in ritual.
  
  Mr. Mansbach, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your brother in my thoughts.
• 
  Andres Eguiguren

  The subtitle calls this book a poem and a memoir, but it is not quite either. Rather it is a mourner's kaddish for Mansbach's younger brother, David, who took his own life two weeks before the publication of Go the F**k to Sleep. It can be read in an hour, but it took the author a decade to be able to write this book. It is a moving examination/portrayal of his brother and how he processed his death, but it remains something that I cannot truly imagine or comprehend.
• 
  Emily Stone

  So powerful. The first book I’ve ever wanted to keep to read again.
• 
  Emmanuel

  4.5 stars. Deep, sad, real and honest. Loved the poem-like structure. Breezed through this in one sitting.
• 
  Melanie McFarlane

  A poem and memoir in one, I Had a Brother Once had me in tears on more than one occasion. Well written and touching.
• 
  nom

  Rewrote my thoughts because it was deeply personal (like this book), and frankly, no one's business. In short, for me, the timing couldn't be more right (or wrong) to read this book. But I have no regrets. Ultimately, it helped out with a great deal of my own struggles, gave me a lot to think about (and talk through with people I consider my support system). Every thought and idea was put into words with care, the entire thing beautifully and sensibly written, and it really shows.
• 
  Beauregard

  This book was a very unique and devastating experience. Written in longform verse, Mansbach takes us through several stages of his grieving process: the night before he learned of his brothers death, the intense numb grief immediately following, the disbelief, the how you try to continue on with your life and not get sunk, the scrabbling to answers, the long years that his brother will never experience. I felt that the long sentence and poetic format worked especially well in the first section of the story, where everything runs together but is so distinct and memorable.
  
  If you have ever lost a loved one to suicide, this book will hit especially hard.
  
  Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Kathy

  This is a raw, honest, brave, intensely personal and unflinching memoir/memorial/poem written by the author to/about his brother who took his own life. Suicide is one of the cruelest deaths because the survivors are left to deal with not only their loss, but the immense questions of why? and could anything have been done to prevent this?
  
  This is a remarkable read in that the author, while writing of his own reactions, memories, and attempts to make sense of his brother's decision, captures so clearly the essence of his love, anger, and confusion that so many others also face.
  
  To the author, I am so sorry for your loss! Thank-you for giving voice to your experience.
  
  I received an e-copy of this book from NetGalley and Random House One World. All opinions expressed here are my own.
• 
  Sarina Bosco

  I picked up this book after seeing it on a review list that has recommended other great books, and as I've experienced close-to-home suicide myself, it drew my attention. Unfortunately, I found myself disappointed and wondering halfway through why this seems to be so highly rated.
  Pros: There are definitely moments of truth and heartache here, but they are mostly little tidbits that you have to dig through the rest for.
  Cons: Two things really threw me off about this memoir. 1. Why did the author choose to write this as poetry? I love poetry and experimenting with narrative through poetry, but genuinely don't think the form lends anything at all to the story. I would have loved to see this written as short prose pieces instead, since they already appear as sections. But the line breaks interrupted me a lot when they ended oddly and there just doesn't seem to be enough substance compared to what is on the page and how it is on the page. 2. Nothing really pulled me through this memoir. I found myself bored often and considering putting the book down, which also made me feel guilty since this is someone's very personal story of loss. But aside from a few sentences here or there, I found my attention wavering and/or found myself wondering why the author included certain scenes/events when they added nothing - not even the feeling of the "mundane" world continuing on that can come with profound loss.
• 
  Marie Polega

  On the recommendation of a friend, I listened to this. I also followed along with a printed version, to see the words as I listened. I definitely think listening to the author read his own words had a greater impact on me. Sometimes I was really struck by how the author was able to say so much in so few words, and at times, I had to stop the audio so I could re-read a few lines.
• 
  Anna

  Raw. Powerful emotive. I too Had a Brother Once. ❤
• 
  Michelle McGrane

  “my father said
  𝘥𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦
  
  & I answered as if I didn’t
  understand or hadn’t heard.
  my reply was 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵? & he
  repeated it. there is plenty
  to regret & perhaps this
  is insignificant but I wish
  I had not made him
  say it twice.”
  
  On 28 May 2011, two weeks before the release of Adam Mansbach’s bestseller, ‘Go the F**k to Sleep’, his younger brother, David, took his own life. The author, booked on an extensive publicity tour, promoted his children’s book all the while privately grieving this inconceivable loss.
  
  In an IGTV interview with Kate Schatz, Mansbach says: “It me three weeks to write this book, but it also took me nine years and three weeks to write this book ... I think the larger fact is that I wasn’t really ready emotionally to take this on and I don’t know what changed to allow that, I mean in a way that allowed the form to unlock the emotional ability ...”
  
  A memoir in verse, ‘I Had a Brother Once’ is composed of long stanzas of free verse. The writing is uncapitalised, an easy way to read the lines without breaks in flow or loss of concentration.
  
  Again, the author comments: “A lot of the book is me grappling with, on one hand, my desire to craft a narrative ... and my impulse to resist crafting a narrative, because I know that I don’t have answers, I don’t have the truth about what my brother went through and what he did and in a way it feels like the more you repeat one narrative, the more it congeals and coalesces into a singular truth.”
  
  ‘I Had a Brother Once’ is striking in its vulnerability, in how Mansbach is so willing to write about his experiences while not having answers. How do you celebrate the life of somebody who chose to end their life? How do you mourn a person who decided not to be here anymore? How to you learn to live with it?
  
  A huge thank you to @NetGalley and @OneWorldBooks for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Em Jay

  I don't know why it has taken me so long to review this book. It's been sitting in my Netgalley shelf for almost a year, and I still don't quite have the words to describe my experience of reading it.
  
  Simply put, I HAD A BROTHER ONCE is a memoir-in-verse chronicling the author's experience of his brother's suicide. And that's all it really is. There is no plot, no great revelation, just ... the experience of grief.
  
  And it absolutely shattered me.
  
  Mansbach's verse is sparse, tightly-wrought, and so, so RAW. There were moments where I had to keep re-reading lines because they felt true in ways I couldn't pin down, and many moments when I felt physically compelled to keep turning pages. It isn't an easy read (obvious TW for suicide) but despite its short length, I'm certain BROTHER has impacted me in a quiet, powerful way.
• 
  Amanda Russell

  It’s very interesting and sad I feel so awful for him. The not knowing and unexpectedness of the brother’s death is so heartbreaking and I like how he is explaining how he coped with his death and also touching on how hard it is for the family when someone commits suicide. The only thing is I don’t see this as a poetry book more a memoir. But still very good and important to read to get a better understanding of suicide and especially the aftermath of it
• 
  Patricia Murphy

  I read this concurrently with another Memoir-in-Poems, Ordinary Hazards by Nikki Grimes. It was really compelling to see how each author managed trauma, and how narrative and verse interacted.
• 
  Hannah

  This book was so phenomenal and so, so affecting. Read my full review of it here:
  https://hanherself.medium.com/review-...
  
  Thank you NetGalley for my copy of this book.