How to Listen with Intention: The Foundation of True Connection, Communication, and Relationships (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 7) by Patrick King

How to Listen with Intention: The Foundation of True Connection, Communication, and Relationships (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 7) Reviews

• 
  L'lerrét

  Okay, a few issues with this book. First - it’s written like some random e book that an online self help guru whipped up to make passive income. That was a pretty big turn off for me. Which leads into the second issue - I don’t have any reason to trust the author. I don’t know what he does besides the fact that he’s a self identified social skills coach. What does that even mean? Who gave you that title? What made you qualified enough to be THE right perspective? Not that I believe heavily in meritocracy but like this felt random. There is no science at all in the book. Not that science is king but like if you’re going to talk about human psychology, can you cite a study that helps me understand like “ahh yes okay so the brain does actually work like that” as opposed to believing anything that you could have pulled out of your behind lol. I was hoping it wouldn’t be like any random self help book but alas, it is.
  
  The content wasn’t horrible. It’s actually helpful in a lot of ways but....this book was itching for an editor and a more rigorous revision process before hitting the printing press.
• 
  Santiago Burgos

  A book that proves conversational common sense isn’t common
• 
  Taylor Berger

  This really just could have been an article
• 
  Suphatra

  There have been so many times I've come home from a dinner party, or a coffee with a friend, and felt the sting of embarrassment that maybe I talked too much, didn't listen enough, or was just generally socially awkward. Though I've been told I'm a good listener, I've never felt like I listened fully enough -- especially not with my heart. My head is the stronger and louder of the two, so I'll often feel like I heard someone's words but not necessarily their feelings. And I'm learning as I get older, conversation is mainly a communication of feelings, not words.
  
  So, I picked up this book to help me better understand the art of listening. And while this slim, e-reader type book was not well written, it had a lot of good advice about improving one's social and emotional intelligence in conversation. Here are some of the best takeaways:
  
  1. Figure out the frame of the conversation dynamic and if you even want to enter this shared space. I've learned this the hard way with friends who had drastically different values and I thought I could get past that -- only to leave conversations feeling drained and one-sided. So before you even start trying to be a better listener, ask yourself: Do I want to be listening and getting to know this person? A lot of pain can be avoided by identifying bad matches early and moving on.
  
  2. The first step to being a good listener is to be genuinely curious and interested in the other person, and with that curiosity, be fully present and receptive to provide the emotional space for that other person to comfortably exist and open up.
  
  3. Avoid "shift responses", which are responses that bring the topic back to you, and aim for "support responses", with gently prods the other person into opening up more and lets them feel heard.
  
  4. Help the other person identify/name their emotions, and give genuine validation of their feelings.
  
  5. Be honest. It will unveil how you truly feel about what they have communicated, because the honest interaction will bring light to the underlying values being communicated. These values will either be honored or broken though the conversation -- if the latter, than remember tip #1 (you are not meant to engage with ALL people) -- if the former, then the honesty will build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
  
  Though the writing was subpar in this book, the advice was good enough for me to want to read another book by the author. I definitely highlighted the heck out of this book and have tried to practice some of the techniques with my husband and see how it feels. Only good things can come from becoming a better listener, so I'm confident this was worth the time to read. Four stars!
• 
  Dalton Chamberlain

  …The secret is to be more interested than interesting…
  
  This book, for me, was a much needed discovery. Personally, this served as an example of how much I didn’t know—that I didn’t know.
  
  I had so many large eye-opening experiences while reading this book, that have given me incredible insight into a better way to manage my relationships. I never realize so many different things that I commonly did on accident, or without even thinking, in casual conversation that clearly can be improved upon.
  
  This book will single-handedly improve my relationship, my ability to communicate what I actually mean to say, and the way other people receive me.
  
  I am so excited and grateful for the opportunity to have read this book and now apply it into my life.
  
  “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnige
• 
  Eddie Chua

  Communication is not just based on the way that I speak, it also includes how I listen. Do I listen to react or response? This was the question I asked myself before reading this book.
  
  To the part of how I listen, author categorized 4 main orientation; people, content, action and time. Each in their own description, I can notice if I was listen to solve a problem, with my head, heart or spirit. Generally, I see myself today, more of people orientated, being able to connect better and show empathy. Though I do see when my energy is low and especially when I'm busy, I would go into time orientated or action. Of matter to time, I notice myself saying the words, "i have 10 minutes for you now". Sounds so gracious, but not at all, as it will turn people off. The conversation becomes rush, actual message not be said and thus no deep connection.
  
  The line that best explains emphatic listening; it is listening without judgement, interruption or a need to fix other person, and with interest to simply hear and understand other's experiences.
  
  That is of high level (from lowest to highest; ignoring, pretend listening, selective listening, attentive listening and emphatic listening) of listening possible. The examples of how a conversation can be in these levels were funny, however, I can recall self being in all different 5, though mostly today in either selective or attentive (as how author mentioned most people would be). So how do I be better in this?
  
  With reference from author's 6 steps of validation of; be present, accurate reflection, reading behavior and guessing what they're feeling, understand their behavior in the context of their lives ,normalize or affirm their emotional reactions, radical genuineness. Working on these, I could myself improving on my listening technique.
  
  Be curious, put my ego aside, give the stage for others to express.
• 
  Lin

  This book smells and looks cheap. Its font print looks uncool and the cover looks like a DIY piece. It feels like a book that I could “publish” it at a random printing shop on my own. Not many will be impressed by it, unless there is a need. I would classify this book as my first successful self help book, and that it has identified an area that I am still a work-in-progress. It was a difficult read for me because I cannot help identifying how the author has rightfully pointed out what a lousy listener I have/had been. Today, I am thankful that my partner passed this book to me, implying what a terrible listener I have been. There are a few tips given to me, but there are rather “scratch-surface”. It is a book that reminds me to listen, not problem-solve, not judge, not be worried about what to reply/respond when the other party stops talking. My worry for awkward silence, the responsibility to entertain, and my tendency to help others must stop. Sometimes, what they really need is in output, and not our input
• 
  Tate Clifford

  Some good information and perspectives, but mostly common sense. It reads like a free online article or e-book and the formatting of the book is awful (lots of typos, no page numbers, random huge chunks of space between words).
  
  Just skip this one.
• 
  Jamie Nelson

  "Listening is at the heart of proper communication, which itself is at the heart of every meaningful connection you can have with another human being."
• 
  David Stemple

  I had seen and heard a lot about this subject in various forms…lecture, classes, and advice from friends. This is a good refresher and I know it will help with my marriage
• 
  Robin Chapman

  Lots of good stuff to glean, liking forward to testing it out.
• 
  Kelsey Danahy

  3.5 stars
• 
  Sandeep

  2nd book to read on how to become a better listener after dale Carnegie's book how to make more friends and influence people
• 
  Madison Farr

  A very informal take to the lessons of listening! The content is valuable to future therapists etc but is on the common sense side of things.
• 
  Žilvinas Šiaulys

  Pretty good, not too complex. Most of the content might sound like "of course!" but it's very useful to hear it in this context. Enjoyed the part about different listening styles and frames.
• 
  Tessa

  Great book to keep on hand as a reminder for how to listen more intentionally. Will definitely come back to this book 📖