| Title | : | This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1433507129 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781433507120 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Hardcover |
| Number of Pages | : | 191 |
| Publication | : | First published January 1, 2009 |
Even in the days when people commonly stayed married "'til death do us part," there has never been a generation whose view of marriage was high enough, says Pastor John Piper. That is all the more true in our casual times.
Though personal selfishness and cultural bondage obstruct the wonder of God's purpose, it is found in God's Word, where his design can awaken a glorious vision capable of freeing every person from small, Christ-ignoring, romance-intoxicated views. As Piper explains in reflecting on forty years of matrimony: "Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God. It displays the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people to the world in a way that no other event or institution does. Marriage, therefore, is not mainly about being in love. It's mainly about telling the truth with our lives. And staying married is not about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant and putting the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display."
This Momentary Marriage unpacks the biblical vision, its unexpected contours, and its weighty implications for married, single, divorced, and remarried alike.
This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence Reviews
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If marriage is such a wonderful gift from God, then why does it cease to exist in heaven? I've asked this question as a child, a teenager, and even up to now, as a young Christian adult, starting to see the beauty of God's design for marriage through the lens of cross. The question is still there, a constant reminder that there's still a major piece of the puzzle that I'm missing in my quest to understand marriage. Why does marriage have to end?
In this book, God has used John Piper to answer this very question, and in doing so he answers not only "Why is there no marriage in heaven?", but also "Why marriage in the first place?". As he draws from Ephesians 5:31-32, John Piper answers the question with:
"the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream."
This reminds us that marriage is not mainly about being and staying in love, and a rejects a host of misconceptions, misinterpretations and wrong expectations that we have placed on this sacred institution. After making clear this point, John Piper goes on to show how this correct understanding leads to a better understanding of each other's roles in marriage, (as the husband, or as the wife, or as the father, or as the mother), amidst the trials and conflicts that will no doubt arise. He even includes two chapters dedicated to singles and shows how marriage fits even into our lives.
From knowing the purpose of marriage, a reflection of Christ's covenant love for the church, it gives us an answer to why it doesn't exist in the life to come. As Piper concludes:
"So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short... Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass into the Perfect... The troubled path will end in Paradise... And this momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete."
With many of the enemy's schemes targeting this very institution, resulting in the corruption of many aspects of society, it is paramount that we be better guarded according to His word. Knowing the truth of God's design for marriage will better equip us to stand fast, and this book, This Momentary Marriage, is a welcome addition in helping us to understand it. -
This volume (This Momentary Marriage by John Piper) leaves other marriage books in the dust as it rises above the usual 10-steps-to-doing-better approach. It also manages to use Scripture rather than psychology to make its heart-searching message come alive. I must warn you, however, that if you are like me, you might find yourself under enormous conviction.
Notice I didn’t say guilt. I can provide that for myself, can’t you? I refer to spot-on analysis of me with real challenge to seize the Bible ideal of marriage. You always think as you read, no matter the depths of how wrong you are staring you in the face, that through Christ real change is possible. Real work, real following of Christ, but possible.
He chucks the dream world before the introduction is over. He’s been married for 40 years and confesses there have been ups and downs, varying seasons of a marriage that he thanks God for. He makes you see that the “weight of our sin” pushes us this way. Perhaps if we could see that it is the weight of OUR sin that drags us down, not the weight of my spouse’s sin, we could go forward. Reality is a great precursor to progress.
He begins by laying the foundation that the fundamental thing about marriage is that it’s about covenant keeping, and particularly, a testimony of Christ’s faithful covenant keeping with the Church. That necessarily makes Ephesians 5:21-33 shine brighter. He debunks the myth that marriage is mainly about staying in love. That is an emphasis that comes from recent American culture, and no matter how much you enjoy the warm fuzzies of married love (as I do), that is not, and cannot be, the ultimate thing. It’s not enough to withstand crisis, nor to keep a marriage on track when the warm fuzzies become as cold as a stone.
This means it is noble to avoid divorce at all costs. That will not make this book popular in many circles, but it is firmly based in what marriage is. In fact, the reason this is called “momentary marriage” is that it is designed by God from the beginning as a picture of His faithfulness to us that lasts all of life.
Perhaps you say that all of this sounds good, or at least theological, but what about real help for our marriages. That’s the beauty of this book. Take, for example, the chapter on “Forgiving And Forbearing”. He begins by quoting Bonhoeffer:
Don’t insist on your rights, don’t blame each other, don’t judge or condemn each other, don’t find fault with each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts.
We must forgive. We are sinners–there will be wrongs done. When I forgive it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t wronged. As I thought of this I couldn’t help but think that this in great part comes from my wife giving herself to me. She has never opened up to anyone as she has me. No one else has been with her so often as to see such a variety of situations arise and her reactions good or bad. Familiarity always takes down our guard. Since she is a sinner, this also means that no one on earth knows her faults quite like me. I can tell you what’s wrong with her and probably will peg it right (as she can me). Had she hidden her heart from me, or had she been unreal around me, I wouldn’t know these things, would I? (Don’t misunderstand my point as I am surely twice the sinner she is!)
I can forgive because I need her forgiveness for my own rottenness. Plus, I can forgive because I know how Christ has forgiven me. I mean that is all a one-sided affair, which is not true in my marriage even on my spouse’s worst day. Christ forgave my real guilt. He kept His love, His covenant, when I gave Him thousands of reasons not to do so. Mr. Piper went on to discuss that we even forgive and forbear each other’s strangeness. Our sins even give us our own peculiarities. I’ve often felt sorry for my Alicia as I have far more than the normal quota. As great as she is, she has a few. We must look past these–it ought not be so hard.
Don’t worry, he is balanced. When he explains how the husband pictures Christ, he states that the husband is NOT Christ! The husband should see that role as his call to love her, give himself for her, and die for her. He states that Christ is supreme, but the husband is not. To be honest, his 2 chapters on “Lionhearted and Lamblike”, were a big gut check in life for me. My deficiencies rose up to such a degree I couldn’t escape them. Pray that I can respond to what is now clearer to me.
Men, he argues that the Lord holds us responsible and that is what leadership is all about. He says if the Lord showed up at the door of our homes to discuss our home He would ask, “Where is the man of the house?” Ladies, he doesn’t try to throw it all on you as some marriage books do. He holds you to account, but I think you will find him gentle.
There’s more, but since children have such an impact on marriage, his counsel on “the conquest of anger in father and child” is worth the price of the book. (O great–I was convicted as a husband and a father!)
I don’t know what else to say than this is easily the best book on marriage I have ever read. I will keep it handy the rest of my days. -
A nice addition to the collection of Christian books on marriage.
However I was astounded at how repetitive the book was. I didn't do a firm calculation, but I think you could cut out approximately half of the book and all of the content would still remain. I found it extremely tedious for Piper to recap what he just said in the previous chapter, what he just said in the previous paragraph, what he said two chapters ago in case you didn't catch it the first three times...
I also found the book more theological in it's style than pastoral. Certainly there were pastoral/counsel-y elements, but especially at the beginning Piper introduced a plethora of theological concepts. It felt like a skipping stones - the rock only just touches the surface. I didn't want to read a theology of marriage, but it seemed like that's what Piper wanted to write. And this book simply was too short (and the effort wasn't made in that direction) to pull off actually diving into the deep theological aspects.
I found the "practical" sections on singleness, divorce/remarriage the most interesting as those are topics not often addressed when discussion Christian marriage (at least that I've encountered thus far). I liked the Bonhoeffer quotes but sometimes found myself wondering if I should be reading him instead.
Overall, a good addition to the library, but not one I'd see myself recommending to someone looking for their first book on Christian marriage. It introduces too many concepts and doesn't wholly or holistically address the questions that could arise. -
As a 25 year old single female, I have had my thoughts of what marriage is and its purpose. To be honest I thought it was only for pleasure, procreation, and served no real purpose beyond that. After reading this book, I understand that not only is marriage God's doing, but it is the display of God. It exists for God's glory--a thought that I never fully understood but now do.
Before having read this book, I felt that marriage was idolized in Christian circles and as a single person you feel somewhat inadequate. This book does not do that but shows how single and married each have the unique potential to magnify Christ that is not available to the other. Piper sheds light on truths that singles can most understand best.
I learned that the gospel of Christ is the foundation for our lives and marriage is a display of that. Christ is Primary. Everything else is secondary. Treasuring Christ is more important than anything that can be offered in this precarious life, and therefore we ought not make secondary things primary. We must understand that secondary things are not guaranteed, but Christ is.
This book has truly challenged my thinking and therefore leaves me changed. I will exalt Christ in my singleness to display the truths of Christ and His Kingdom, and if I do ever marry, I hope that my marriage would be one that is captivated by and is a testament to the covenant-keeping love of Christ. -
"So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.
Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass into the Perfect. The foretaste will lead to the Banquet. The troubled path will end in Paradise. A hundred candle-lit evenings will come to their consummation in the marriage supper of the Lamb. And this momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete.
To that end may God give us eyes to see what matters most in this life. May the Holy Spirit, whom he sends, make his crucified and risen Son the supreme Treasure of our lives. And may the Treasure so satisfy our souls that the root of every marriage-destroying impulse is severed. And may the marriage-watching world be captivated by the covenant-keeping love of Christ."
-page 178 -
This was a very mixed read. Much of what Piper writes is Biblical and helpful. However, he often applies verses in contexts where there is not evidence to do so (i.e., commenting on the evidence for countries employing female soldiers in a book about marriage (at least that is how I interpreted pg 92)).
This book could have been improved with clear and simple illustrations. Perhaps drawing on his 40 years of marriage? As with much of Piper, I found him making complicated concepts even more complicated. I also struggled with the lack of empathy in his writing - making large statements or calls for change without listening for the readers response.
Not sure if I would recommend the whole book but there were really helpful chapters on divorce and children and a smattering of golden nuggets throughout.
Side note: I do love a short-chapter book. -
Que belleza de libro, que hermosa oportunidad de aprender, el matrimonio, no es solo si acepto y sobrellevar lo que sigue, no es tratar de resolver conflictos para no estar enojados, no es intentar ponernos de acuerdo para salir adelante..... El matrimonio es el reflejo glorioso de la relación de Cristo con su iglesia, y este reflejo llevado a la practica, es el llamado perfecto para cada matrimonio. Si no has cumplido esta parte, este libro es para ti, si estás en el proceso de cumplirlo, reafirma tus convicciones y mírate en el espejo de la palabra de Dios.
Altamente recomendado. Que sea de bendición. -
Este es mi cuarto libro acerca del matrimonio. Este libro nos lleva a una teología (aunque el autor no lo describe así) del matrimonio. Argumentos sólidos sobre lo que el matrimonio conlleva.
Con frases de Bonhoeffer, quien comprometido no pudo llegar a casarse, despliegan principios que todo matrimonio debe tomar en cuenta.
Si el matrimonio no te sacia, debería ser así, sólo Dios puede satisfacer completamente. El matrimonio es la representación del amor que tiene Cristo por su iglesia, gran responsabilidad, exhortación recibida. Tengamos cuidado el matrimonio puede usurpar el lugar que le pertenece a Dios.
El mejor argumento a favor de la soltería y además un gran consuelo y desafío para los divorciados.
El mejor libro, para mí, de lo que va el año. Sí, probablemente sea porque estoy pronto a cumplir un año de casado. -
Wish I had read this years ago! This book is applicable to newlyweds, those who have been married for many years, the not-yet-married, the divorced, the widowed. It speaks on a wide variety of issues and the chapter on sexuality in marriage is tastefully done. Also covers some general parenting, and explores the father’s call not to provoke his children to anger. The second half of the book was better than the first. Challenging yet grace-filled teaching on divorce and remarriage.
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This was going to be a 4🌟 book until the last 20-30 minutes where it became a defense on his self-admitted uncommon view of divorce and remarriage. It didn't fit the flow and purpose of the entire book. This book is part of the reading for ACBC's special training on Family and Marriage counseling. I was left scratching my head why it would be included. There were some good reminders about the purpose of marriage and I felt humbly corrected on my often unsubmissive attitude. The war between spirit and flesh is a doozy.
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Helps one to realize their own sin and points to Christ’s ever-amazing, never-changing forgiveness that gives relationship to God despite the consistent failures. This book has encouraged me to take more time in my day-to-day life with others to value, give grace, and love ultimately love them better! As always, Piper leaves you with analogies & stories that you will not forgot!
Some of my notes:
“Living vertically from the grace of God then bending out horizontally in forgiveness and justification toward others.”
“God gets glory when two very different people forge a life of faithfulness in a furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.”
“Sink your roots by faith into the Gospel until you become a more merciful wife/husband/person. Then treat each other out of the tender kindness that flows thereof.”
“Having a ‘quick fuse’ is probably a lack of lowliness and mercy because you respond quickly out of anger rather then having a ‘long fuse’.”
“You do not know what this person will be like in the future. But you do know that, ‘all things will work together for good to this that love God and are chosen by Him’.”
“Marriage is the doing & display of God.”
“Foundations in the gospel are necessary before the positions of husband & wife in marriage can shine.” -
After seeing a video posted on Desiring God dot org, presenting a couple with a disabled husband and the powerful love of Jesus, I had to read this book. I was not disappointed.
Pastor John Piper writes, "The most foundation thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is God's doing. And the ultimate thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is for God's glory." (21) Placing these two thoughts together, he draws the conclusion that, "The highest and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists." This is the heart of the book.
Beginning each chapter with a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Letters and Papers from Prison, John Piper looks through the key texts in the new testament on marriage. He covers topics such as foundations of headship, fearless submission, raising children, singleness, hospitality, and warnings against divorce always coming back to the primary theme - marriage exists to display the covenant-keeping relationship between Christ and the church.
While I enjoyed the whole book, two of the best chapters were actually on singleness (chapters 9 and 10). Is is a shame that these two chapters are housed in a book on marriage, a book that most single people may never think to read. They are worth the read.
Overall, this was a great book! I appreciate John Piper's contagious passion for God's glory in all things. Great read, great book, awesome God! -
I love John Piper, and I love God even more! I am grateful for John Piper's ministry, his desire to apply God's Word to our lives and help us live rightly. I found this book very helpful in reminding me that I am a living message to this fallen world. My husband read this book, and said, "He keeps saying the same thing over and over again! 'Marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship to the church.'" Yes, Piper does keep saying that, because we need to understand and remember and embrace that idea. Our earthly marriages are a picture, a parable, of Christ's love for the church and His sacrifice on our behalf. My marriage is to show that, to model sacrificial, covenantal, selfless love for my husband, so that the world will see what love looks like. I have far to go, but I believe with all my heart that God is and will continue to enable me to love my husband rightly. And as we learn to love each other better, we are growing in our understanding of Christ's perfect love for us, and delighting in a taste of heaven, when we shall be known fully by the One Who made us and desires the best for us.
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Disclaimer: I listened to this book on audio.
I thought it was an excellent book that made me think about marriage’s main purpose, to highlight the relationship between Christ and the church. Sometimes we can think theology isn’t “practical,” but Piper makes it incredibly clear that theology is practical and helps apply the Bible to our everyday lives, and everyday marriages. I didn’t learn a lot of new things per se, but was reminded of true things that helped remind me of marriage’s intent, and help me love and cherish God and Pig more! I love John Piper & his heart for God’s word. Would certainly recommend. -
Clear and warm and not half as John Piper-ish as I was expecting.
A helpful reminder that marriage isn’t primarily about staying in love, but about keeping covenant. It’s the ultimate parable - a flesh-and-blood drama of the greatest mystery: Christ’s unbreakable, costly, passionate love for his people.
Marriage is the display of God and the doing of God. It’s about forgiving sin and forbearing strangeness.
There were some really helpful, clarifying sections on headship and submission which amazingly didn’t make me want to vomit.
My only bugbear was the constant repetition - some sentences were repeated multiple times word-for-word in the same chapter, like a high school student trying to pad out an essay. -
No marriage book has ever caused me to value the privilege of marriage AND singleness like this book. This is the lens which marriage should be seen through. It is about Christ and the church, and keeping this vision before our eyes will rightly guide all our marriage choices and interactions. Piper also does an amazing job of keeping the church in its rightful place in our lives. The church is eternal, marriage is not, and they both are meant to display the gospel. The perspective was so spot on and I feel like no matter who reads this book (married, single, widowed, divorced) they would come away treasuring their calling and relishing the honor of exalting Christ in their station of life.
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Very Biblically-sound perspective on marriage and its main purpose of pointing to Christ's covenant-keeping love with the church. It's more theological than practical, but that is not a negative thing. It lifted my eyes to the great sacredness of the covenant of marriage, in a world wrought with divorce.
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I am so glad John Piper wrote a book on marriage. He didn't write it until he was married for 40 years and it is just a short summary, but worth every page. It is a basic outline of the real meaning of marriage, where he opened back the curtain of its deep, yet temporary, importance. I have finished the book encouraged and would recommend it for everyone, married or single. There are 15 chapters that include the meaning of marriage, singleness, hospitality, and divorce.
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Piper's explanation of the picture marriage paints really expanded my theology of marriage by showing me how marriage pictures the church's relationship with Christ not only in the New Testament Church age, but also in Christ's second coming in Revelation. A few chapters took the analogy a little further than I think Scripture takes it though, particularly in Piper's view of sex and divorce.
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This book nails home that Christ and the church are to be glorified at all times, whether through faithful singleness or through marriage. That eternal perspective lifts marriage to a holy mission, but also submits it to the greatest joy of being one with Christ after our short time on earth is over…
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This an excellent book. It is different than the other books on marriage in that it starts -and ends- stressing the main biblical purpose on marriage: "the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His people." Another very important thing that Piper stresses in his book is the importance of prayer in the marriage life.
I love this paragraph in which he is talking about forgiveness:
"Christ always forgives more and endures more than we do. Forgive as you have forgiven. Bear with as He bears with you. This holds true whether you are married to a believer or an unbeliever. Let the measure of God's grace to you in cross of Christ be the measure of your grace to your spouse."
Some other words that I want to remember:
"Besides biblical truth, we need the Holy Spirit. We need prayer. We need to meditate on the Bible for ourselves. We need to read the insight of others. We need the counsel of wise friends who are seasoned with suffering. We need the church to support us when everything falls apart..."
"So husbands, sink your roots by faith into Christ through the gospel until you become a more merciful person. Wives, sink your roots by faith into Christ through the gospel until you become a more merciful person. And then treat each other out of this tender mercy with kindness. The battle is with is with our own unmerciful inner person. Fight that battle by faith, through the gospel, in prayer. Be stunned and broken and built up and made glad and merciful because you are chosen, holy, loved."
"... build your marriage on the rock of Grace."
"If our marriages are going to tell the truth about Christ and his church, we cannot be indifferent to the meaning of headship and submission."
"Don't depend on your spontaneity to bring you to prayer."
"Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ."
*******
Highly recommended. (Summer 2012)
Excellent. (Summer 2015).
Very good and always timely (February 2017). -
Since I gave it only two stars, I suppose I should explain. While I thought the book did a bang-up job of outlining the permanence view of marriage in the closing chapters, and while I support and agree with the theology of marriage he outlines in the other chapters, this book was COUNFOUNDINGLY repetitive. Frankly, the content could easily have been put into a pamphlet of 20 pages or less and I just got the impression that the manuscript was padded with unnecessary Bonhoeffer quotes (a guy whose theology Piper would generally find heretical) and lengthy Scripture passages as chapter headers and verbatim repetition from one chapter to the next just to s-t-r-e-t-c-h it out into a book-length product. That drove me nuts. My guess is that the average-paced reader could finish the book in about 3-4 hours, but the content could have been deftly presented to be read in an hour or less. And since MY Goodreads page is about MY personal eccentricities as relates to books, two stars for Piper. I live life on the edge, no?
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Piper's interpretation of the "exception clause" in Matthew 19 was very helpful. He builds his argument on his view of husband and wife as a picture of Christ and the church. Others say a more Scripturally-based picture is that of head and body. There are problems with the Christ-church analogy. For instance, the husband is not Christ. The wife does not exist to worship the husband.
Piper's comments on singleness were very helpful, and I loved what he had to say about hospitality. Married people should "fold single people into their lives," and single people should also include married people in their lives. Yes, we need more of those relationships in our churches. We cannot take each other for granted. The marriage relationship is temporary, but brother-sister relationships in Christ are eternal. -
Piper never lacks boldness, and he is certainly not lacking in this book, especially the last two chapters where he takes a minority (very narrow) position on divorce and remarriage. He covers the gamut in the book and does so admirably, and while I wouldn't agree with him down the line, I appreciate and respect his approach as always.
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"the meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people. Marriage is patterned after Christ's covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. Therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. It is not mainly about being or staying in love. Its mainly about telling the truth with our lives. It's about portraying something true about Jesus Christ and the way he relates to his people. It's about showing in real life the glory of the gospel."
"marriage and singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our sanctification- our preparation for heaven. There will be unique rewards for each. Which is greater will no depend on whether you were married or single, but n how you respond to each."
Overall this is a well written book on Marriage- including chapters on singleness, parenting, divorce/remarriage, submission, headship, as well. (He references the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer at the beginning of each chapter too). I think it is a great read for singles (never married, divorced, widowed) as well as for those already married. This book is highly repetitive- he will say a point in one chapter and then do a recap of that point in the beginning of the next chapter. However besides that I think it is a great read with good perspective that is against what our culture says marriage is. His whole goal is to teach the reader his main point "that marriage is to display the covenant keeping love of Christ and the faithfulness of his bride" and that marriage is "the doing of God and ultimately the display of God." He tells the readers about how marriage is a temporary earthly experience but the family of God is forever- and how that impacts how we live in relationship to one another here on earth (forgiveness, relationship to others in different life stages than us, etc). Quick read, would recommend.
