Calm the H*ck Down: How to Let Go and Lighten Up About Parenting by Melanie Dale

Calm the H*ck Down: How to Let Go and Lighten Up About Parenting Reviews

• 
  Shawn Smucker

  I don’t like parenting books. Am I aloud to say that here? I read this book primarily because I knew that it would be laugh-out-loud funny—Melanie Dale is one of the most talented humor writers out there. But it’s not only hilarious. This book is practical, touching at times, and oh-so-reassuring. If there’s anything we need as parents, it’s for someone to sidle up alongside us, put their arm around our shoulder, and simply say, ‘Yeah, I feel that way, too.’ Melanie is the parenting companion we all need.
• 
  Kimberly Patton

  I really really loved this. Not only did I need the lighthearted demeanor of the book, but the practical tips helped me get a handle on just what parenting looks like. She made me laugh so much; her words were genius and reminded me of why I started reading Jen Hatmaker in the first place.
  
  If you are needing to lighten up about parenting, this is totally the book for you. She has a Christian worldview but it totally open, edgy and pushes the boundaries a little bit. She is also SO honest about how hard parenting is and has no desire to tell you what to do or portray parenting as something you can perfect and do well 100% of the time. There is a lot of “funny grace” in this book.
• 
  Rachel

  If you’re anything like me, you’ve read a lot of parenting books - on the search for the number 42 (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference), but we always come up short. After reading book after book our brains are filled with conflicting information and our kids are still having a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store.⁣
  ⁣
  At some point we give up, and go into blind. Until, now, when we get to benefit from 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇*𝐜𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐆𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐔𝐩 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. Melanie Dale isn't some preachy child and family psychologist, she doesn’t have all the answers, she’s one of us - a mom who is learning as she goes.⁣
  ⁣
  𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇*𝐜𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 is more like a conversation with a friend, in the trenches of parenting with you. She gets real with us, she shares what works, she shares what doesn’t, and she reminds us to relax - because we got this - really moms and dads - you got this.⁣
  ⁣
  You know those parenting books that have those lame inspirational quotes at the beginning of every chapter? This ain’t one of them - it does have quotes from horror movies and television shows, which totally means she gets it - parenting isn’t a walk through a field of flowers, it’s a trigger horror movie... Plus anyone who quotes Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my people.⁣
  ⁣
  If you’re looking for great conversational parenting advice, a good laugh, or just to be reminded you are not in this shit show alone, pick up this book - you won’t regret it.
• 
  Jessica Haider

  Parenting books can be so preachy sometimes and Melanie Dale admits this in the first few pages of this book. She shares how she doesn't like parenting books and that THIS will not be that type of parenting book.
  
  With a good dose of humor, Dale shares her experiences raising her 3 children, 1 who was conceived with fertility treatments and the other 2 were adopted. She boils down what she's gleaned from her experience and offers her advice, all of which is achievable. Dale fully admits that she is not a Pinterest mom and how she parents in a society where everything is celebrated (100th day of school! Gender reveal! etc. etc.) She talked about incidences where there were bathroom disasters, stinky kids (sometimes a result of said bathroom disasters), kids saying embarrassing stuff in public etc. We've all been there and it is refreshing to see someone offering parenting advice and fully admitting they've been in the lows of parenting. Parenting is tough. It is best to face it with humor and to choose your battles. Each chapter ends with a numbered list of things you can try as a parent...and these lists are doable.
  
  Thank you to the publisher for the review copy of this book.
• 
  Kaitlin

  Calm the H*ck Down is a witty guide on how to just get through love life with the monsters you call your children. This is a well-written, actually helpful book that provides methods for anxious parents like me to laugh at ourselves and our precious cherubs, take a breath, do our best, and move the hell along.
  
  Dale believes that we put too much weight on minutiae and lose the big picture. As a mother through in vitro and adoption of special needs and neurotypical children, Dale believes even the big struggles fade with time, so worrying about the nonsense is pointless. "Remind yourself that this thing that seems so monumentally important right now will be a blip on the radar in a year or two." "Parenting doesn't have to be an extreme sport. We can figure out what matters the most to us and relax a little about everything else."
  
  She provides advice on how to stay present and do what you can, accepting that that's enough. "Don't try to show up to everything. It's impossible. Check as many boxes as you can and leave the rest."
  
  Dale wants to be an excellent parent, and probably is. And many of us who feel really crappy are probably doing just fine: "We are doing so much right, but sometimes we focus on all the ways we miss the mark."
  
  Still, rather than rah-rahing that mothers are goddesses and each mom is the perfect one for her child, Dale offers advice for how to change your language and outlook to parent a little better and feel better about parenting. "Figure out what rules you really want to focus on with your kids, and depending on the kids, you might have to work on one at a time...Try to say yes as often as possible and save all the critical stuff for the big rule you're working on."
  
  Dale is hilarious. Her anecdotes are quick and quippy, and it's clear she laughs at her children as her advice suggests - "You will not survive parenting kids unless you learn to laugh at them, and I don't mean laugh with them. Laugh at them."
  
  Each chapter has tips throughout (though it reads more easily than many parenting books) and comes with a handy list at the end - things to remember or ways to handle a certain topic. "What's the loving thing to do here?" "Do you want to use self-control, or do you want me to use parental control?"
  
  Dale also discusses maintaining strong romantic relationships and a sense of self. "Do not put your life on hold while you're raising your kids...Who were you before you had kids? Find an outlet, find your passion, and keep at it..." And maybe it's not just about your passion. Maybe you work outside the home like I do (you monster) and you sometimes think you are sooo much better at that than at raising the kids. "Maybe your calling is being a kickass orthodontist who happens to have kids." Not to be dramatic, but that idea kind of makes everything feel better.
  
  One note: this teeters into Christian Press territory. There are only a couple Bible quotes and one religious chapter, which was inclusive of all religions and beliefs. Dale believes her faith is important to how she parents, so I get why she went there. And yes, many readers will likely pick this up because it includes Christian ideology. Thankfully, Dale believes as strongly in equality and openness as she does in scripture. She also believes in open conversations about hard topics. "Let your children see you cultivate a widely varied set of friends. Let them see you learn new things and humble yourself to other people's points of view. Don't shy away from the important stuff." "The world isn't colorblind, and our kids deserve a complete education from us." Also she likes cursing. So she's probably OK. "I'm less worried about the edgy words they use and more concerned with whether or not their words are kind."
  
  A few other bits I loved:
  "Mourning your imaginary unicorn kids in your brain frees you up to love the unique, incredible kids you actually have."
  "You might spend an inordinate amount of time worrying they're going to get themselves killed. This is normal."
  "Learn how to apologize well and teach your kids how to do it." "You say the wrong words, apologize, and work to find the right ones."
  "Talk through how you're feeling, how you could handle it better, and how you're processing it in a healthy way. If you're having a hard day, it's okay to let your kids see you frustrated, sad, mad, or worried, and work through it."
  "Approach your kids with unconditional respect."
  "I've given up trying to get into a routine. There is no routine. Each day comes at you like a fire hose, and you have to just let it hit you in the face." True story.
  
  I received a free advance copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. This was my first NetGalley book, and I am fully geeking out right now.
• 
  Taryn

  This is exactly what my mommy heart needed. It prompted me to reflect and think about various aspects of parenting, but best of all, it made me laugh!
• 
  G.G.

  Confession:
  I am a mom and I have a love of silence that is just coo-coo for coco-puffs at this stage in the parenting game. I dream (daily) of the emo teenage years when they sleep until noon and get their Brat Pack brood on behind blissfully closed doors?
  
  I have yet to let my guard down and admit my parenting struggles within a group of women without being told "It's only going to get worse when they are teenagers" or "Enjoy it while it lasts." So this book right here was a breath of fresh air. If anyone else is parenting like a hermit to avoid these kinds of "helpful" butt nuggets, I feel you.
  
  Melanie Dale is my kind of Christian mom. Plenty of humor, honesty, you-do-you acceptance, and a love of God that is clearly there without being cram-jammed down your throat. In short, no one is going to feel judged or get the wiggins. Win. Win.
  
  There was a lot of discussion about worrying about others are doing or think of your parenting. Apparently, I’m a Cylon because that didn’t connect for me, but I did realize I need to check in with other moms more. Way more, even if it does sometimes come with demoralizing advice powered by good intentions. This is tribal warfare and I’ve been going it Han Solo- a lot.
  
  In truth, I was feeling pretty good reading the book and realizing I don’t struggle with comparing myself to other moms…until I realized that I am constantly competing with myself. (Doh!) I struggle daily to reconcile how well I think I should be doing (expectations) vs. what is actually happening (banshee-like shouting so the kids will sit still for our morning Bible devo. #epicfail)
  
  My favorite part of the book was how Melanie normalized therapy by talking about it so openly. Seriously, I did the happy dance complete with spirit fingers and jazz hands. I work in mental health, and as an author, I write about it. A million gold stars on the forehead to you and anyone that helps people see that self-care—especially in the mental health department—is not a luxury or taboo. Double points for saying it to the Christian community, who need to hear it through a megaphone.
  
  Finally, I needed a serious wake-up call about my "do-it-all" addiction. I’m one of those “No one helps me. "NO, not like that. Here, just let me do it types.” I needed the reminder to calm the heck down with all that jazz, because my husband is a super helpful guy, my kids' hands are not broken, and if I get twitchy I can always save the really glamorous stuff—like cleaning the litter box—for myself.
  
  After reading this book my husband and I reviewed all the things we do that the kids can do more of and their chore chart got a serious upgrade. So, Melanie, I would like to thank you, my kids, not so much.
  
  Overall, this book is awesome. For me, it was less of a how-to book and more of a much-needed conversation. It offered some honest looks in the mirror with someone who feels like a friend. And isn't that what we all really need? Fewer mommy wars, constant comparisons, guilt, and a whole lot more moms rooting for other moms?
  
  
  Note: I was given an advance copy from the publisher for my honest review of the book and here you have it.
  
• 
  Genevieve Trono

  In Calm The H*ck Down, author Melanie Dale offers a real and realistic look at parenting from newborns-teens. The advice Dale offers is encouraging and practical while also having the perfect balance of humor and light-heartedness. We could all use a bit of humor with parenting because let's face it, it's a rollercoaster ride!
  
  This isn't a "how-to guide" but more of an "I have been there and here are some things that have worked with my kids and maybe will help you!" There is such a wealth of information that comes from parenting multiple children. As many of us know, you can do the very same things and come out with a different outcome, because every child (and person) is unique.
  
  The most helpful thing I have learned along the way is once you "master" one thing, a new challenge comes along, and this is normal! And if you are worried you aren't doing a good enough job, well then you are probably doing just fine. <3
  
  "Dale believes we are all putting too much pressure on ourselves and our kids to be perfect. Instead, she argues, we need to take a step back so we can actually enjoy this journey called parenting."
  
  Some of the topics I found especially helpful included helping your kids develop healthy friendships, keeping kids the right amount of busy (not overscheduling), how to talk about sex (and consent!), and how to respectfully advocate for your kids.
  
  I especially loved how she ended each chapter with a series of questions or prompts...such as "20 questions to ask at dinner besides 'How Was Your Day?'", "10 Things To Do Instead of Yelling", "10 Tips For Partnering While Parenting", "How to Talk to Teachers (they are people too!)" and "20 Ideas For Getting Your Monsters To Behave".
  
  Whether you are a new parent or almost nearing the finish line (just kidding, there isn't one, LOL) this is the perfect book for new and experienced parents alike! 
  
  Thank you to @Atria Books for my gifted copy in exchange for my honest review. As always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
• 
  Laura Bass

  A parenting book that is actually FUN to read and full of practical, helpful advice. I found myself laughing out loud throughout the book and making lots of mental notes. Reading this felt like a (helpful) conversation from a friend a few seasons ahead in parenting. A great read for any parent—I plan on returning to it whenever I feel myself getting too worked up about things that don’t really matter in the long run.
  
  Thanks to the publisher for an ARC of this book.
• 
  Melissa

  This is the first parenting book I've finished reading; usually I start them with high hopes and end up discarding them along the way. The stories Melanie shares from her own experience are laugh-out-loud funny. At the same time, the advice Melanie offers is encouraging and practical; she ends each chapter with lists like "10 Things to do Instead of Yelling" and "22 Age-Appropriate Chore Ideas." My kids are still little, but this is a book I definitely could revisit as they grow.
• 
  Selena May

  This book was hilarious and refreshing. A light read that made me laugh out loud on several occasions.
  Melanie acknowledges the serious and the hard while also pointing out the downright funny. She offers perspective and encouragement, inviting readers to lighten up and let go of some of the pressures of parenting. She is a wonderful storyteller.
• 
  Megan

  I’m pretty sure Melanie Dale and I are kindred spirits. Really refreshing to know it’s perfectly fine, and encouraged, to not try to keep up and out do all the other parents!
• 
  Valdis Reķis

  Ja būtu jāizlasa tikai viena grāmata par bērnu audzināšanu, tad šī nebūtu tā! Bet toties šajā grāmatā var atrast mierinājumu, ka viss ir labi, ja arī tev gluži viss nesanāk pēc audzināšanas priekšrakstiem. Pluss diezgan labi var pasmieties
• 
  August Schiess

  A parenting book that talked about how it's challenging, but here's all the things we can do to just chill out about it. As someone who doesn't have kids, I feel like I tend to only hear about how terrible parenting is. This was refreshing!
• 
  Becky

  Funny Christian perspective on parenting knowledge. Didn’t give it 5 stars because it took me forever to read but here are some quotes (and ideas) I want to re-read when I’m freaking out :
  
  20 ideas for getting your monsters to behave
  1. Keep discipline simple. Focus on one thing at a time.
  2. Have them do jumping jacks or run laps around the house.
  Use physical activity to reset their brains.
  3. As your kids get older, treat them like boomerangs. They ask to go somewhere, you say yes, and you release them out and then watch them come back. If the boomerang doesn't come back on time, or the boomerang takes a side trip, tighten up a bit and bring them closer to home for a while.
  4. Bribe them, aka "positive reinforcement." What do they want? Find the carrot you can dangle and dangle it hard.
  5. Take away a privilege, like a toy, time with friends, screen time, or their phone.
  6. Allow natural consequences to play out.
  7. Chores. Help yourself while helping them.
  8. Serve a sibling.
  9. Write lines. Have them copy out "I will not
  " or a
  proverb or scripture from your holy book of choice.
  10. Have them write an apology letter to the person they hurt.
  11. Make them pay. Literally. If they break something, they earn the money to pay for it. If your kids miss the bus, make them pay for a Mommy Uber ride.
  
  12. Try lowering your voice instead of raising it. Freaks them out. When they mess up, don't overreact in a way that's worse than their actual crime ... ask me how I know.
  13. "Obey the first time." I say this a lot.
  14. Draw them closer, rather than push them away. Keep the relationship intact. Ask yourself, "What's the loving thing to do here?" The overarching goal of discipline is to build the relationship.
  15. Let the unimportant stuff slide. Does it matter if their socks
  match?
  16. Use fewer words. Resist the urge to lecture. Keep the explanation simple.
  17. When your child won't listen to you, other authority figures are lifesavers: a coach, teacher, or neighbor.
  18. Video them throwing a fit and play it back to them with commentary like Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  19. Pour them a bubble bath, make them a snack, or put them to bed. Sometimes it's purely physical.
  20. Trust your gut and seek out professional help if you think something else is going on.
  
  
  
  Swear words are cathartic. There's something delightful about forbidden language, and I have no problem with those words, with one exception. I love swearing, but because of my fundamentalist upbringing, I will pull the van over and rip my kid a new one about blasphemy, or as we grew up calling it, "taking the Lord's name in vain." But all the nonreligious swears get a pass. Don't you
  BLEEPING #@!?# take the Lord's name in vain.
  I'm not 100 percent sure what qualifies as taking a name "in vain," but I think it has something to do with saying a name in an offhanded or derogatory way. They'd better effing respect the shoot out of our Lord and Savior. But sometimes they don't, and I honestly have no idea what to make of it. My inner child waits for lightning to come streaking down from the sky or Hologram Jesus to appear crying in front of us, but my loosey-goosey adult self figures God's probably all, "Simmer down, you adorable recovering legalist"
  Ilove swearing, but I try to lock it down around the kids so
  
  As the kids got older, started fighting constantly, and developed high-level arguing skills, I started to feel depleted in a different way than I did in the baby and toddler years. I felt like I was car. rying the added weight of everyone's bad days, all the drama they encountered at school, and their triumphs and defeats.
  I had to figure out a way to stay calm and rise above their emotional turmoil while still caring about them. I realized that I don't have to experience their emotions for them to matter to me. Their battles are theirs, and I can show compassion without entering into the melee myself.
  Our kids will try to make everything our problem, and is tempting to jump in and try to fix everything, but as parents, we get to choose which things are actually our problems to solve and which things aren't. When vour kids are plummeting into big feelings don’t get down in the mud with them. Show them a rope to help them climb out. I asked my kids, “how are you going to solve that?“ Then I wait for them to answer.
  So when I kids are going through it with their guide, not their sidekick. We can calm down about all the grown-up feelings and let our kids have them without having to re-have them.
  
  1. It's okay to feel mad/sad/scared/frustrated/relieved. Your feelings are valid.
  2. You can feel multiple emotions at the same time.
  3. How does your body feel? Where in your body do you feel this? (If you have a middle schooler, prepare yourself for a joke here.)
  4. What do you need right now?
  6. I know this is hard right now, but you will feel better. The feelings are important, but they're not forever.
  6. You are the boss of your own feelings.
  7. How can I help?
  8. You're in a safe place.
  9. Its okay to cry. (Please tell boys this as often as we tell girls.)
  10. What strategy can you use to help process this feeling?
  (Breathing techniques, spinning in a circle, ideas from the previous section.)
  
  Even if they roll their eyes or say something, snarky back, affirm your big kids whenever you can.
  
  Honestly, you can spend your life beating yourself up about whether or not your kids believe like you do, or you can present your faith to them, answer their questions as best you can, pray for them, and then leave them to figure it out. No amount of spiritual bullying is going to make someone agree with you, and even if that would work, would you want it to?
  
  Rather than stress about kneeling down my kids belief system by the time they’re 10, I try to model my own faith in my daily life, without making it oppressive or shoving it down their throats
  Which brings me to an important point about religion. We can believe that our way is the truth while also teaching our kids to respect all religions. We can teach our kids to respect all religions without practicing all religions. We have open conversations about the differences and why we think our way is right, and even the tensions we feel about our way and how our way is maybe getting it wrong, at least in practice.
  
  10 ways to give your kids a faith of their own:
  1. Make sure they know it's okay to have doubt. Questions are good. Tension is fine.
  2. Build faith practices into your regular routines. If your faith is important to you, then its something they see you prioritizing in the family schedule.
  3. Pray in the car.
  4. Read scripture at the dinner table.
  5. Teach respect and understanding of other people's religions.
  Let your kids see how other families practice faith.
  6. Start early. Teach them from a young age how their faith can guide them. Don't wait till they've fallen apart in high school to mention they could pray about stuff and drag them to church.
  7. Model it. They'll do what they see you do.
  8. Bribe them. I pay my kid to read the Bible and watch the occasional sermon online. Bible bribery is awesome.
  9. Ask for help. Maybe there's a neighbor or a teacher where you worship who loves your kid.
  10. Serve as a family. I want my kids to see me put my money and time where my mouth is. I try to teach my kids that what we believe should positively impact the people around us.
  
  
  I don't know how this is going to end up, but no matter what happens with my kids or with yours, I want us to be okay, us par-ents. Even if we do our best and it all goes to heck, I want us to lighten up and remain mostly calm. Our identity is not wrapped up in however our kids turn out. We can work hard on this parenting gig, but at the end of the day, they I make their choices and have lives apart from ours.
  
  So, if in a few years, one of your kids goes off the rails, or one of mine does, or they meet up and go off the rails together, let’s stay calm, do what we can, and leave the rest for them to work out with themselves, or with God, a good therapist, and may be a prison warden.
  
  Sometimes no matter how much you try to train up a child to make good choices and do the right thing, circumstances or brain chemistry or a series of unfortunate events leads them down a different path, and you get phone calls and have meetings.
  
• 
  Jennifer

  I have four kids under the age of five. (At this very moment, I am on paci-watch with my youngest, who doesn't seem to know if he'd rather keep napping or not but very much knows that he doesn't want to keep the pacifier in his mouth on his own.) I don't have time to leave long reviews of books anymore-- much less read as many books as I used to, hello 2013!-- but I will make an exception this time because Melanie Dale totally deserves all the stars.
  
  A little bit of backstory: when I was pregnant with my first, I did what all new moms-to-be did and Googled the heck out of my pregnancy. The single most helpful result that came out of all that frantic searching was for a little-known blog called
  Coffee + Crumbs, which is a collection of essays from mothers about motherhood. No advice, no lists, no ten steps to xyz, just the straightforward warmth of community in knowing that I was not alone in feeling isolated/failing/overwhelmed, etc.
  
  (They have since published
  The Magic of Motherhood: The Good Stuff, the Hard Stuff, and Everything In Between, which is a hardbound copy of some of their most beloved essays, which I give to every expecting mother I know. To date, I've bought one for my pediatrician's wife, one for my neighbor, one for a friend out of state, one for an acquaintance...you get the picture.)
  
  Melanie is one of the OG contributing writers, and she is by far the funniest one there; you can tell that she's written the essay just from the title alone. The humor and realism that sets her essays apart show up in spades in this book, and I, for one, am so glad that someone is out there calling parenting for what it is. I already had a hunch that I'd really get into this book, and then, not even a dozen pages in, was what sold me:
  
  I never thought I'd doubt myself so much. I never thought I'd blame myself so much for every little foible and failing. I promised I'd never yell. I totally yell. I told myself I'd be patient. Should've known parenting didn't come with a personality transplant. And here's the kicker. I thought I'd enjoy parenting more. I don't.
  
  Preach.
  
  The rest of the book unfolds in spectacular style, hitting topics such as friendships, sports, and sex, with corroborating titles equally as funny as the wisdom and stories within each chapter-- the one about relating to teenagers is called "When Armpits Awaken". I've taken so many notes and dropped either a quote or paraphrased anecdote into so many conversations with my husband that even he notices. ("Is every conversation we're going to have now going to include a quote from that book?")
  
  So, in short, I'm really glad this book exists. Excuse me while I go put the pacifier back into my son's mouth again.
• 
  Amanda

  "They have super-good leadership skills, aka they are belligerent a-holes."
  
  I knew after reading that line that this was going to be my type of book. I've read a variety of parenting books over the last eight years and this has been my favorite so far. It's filled with real-life, sometimes messy stories. It's filled with practical and funny advice for all parents. Melanie has made it clear this is how she does parenting and you can take it or leave it. If if didn't apply it you then skip the advice. If you've master the specific problem or topic she is writing about then skip that. I found this to be very well written and witty. Her stories made me laugh out loud. I've never shared more book quotes with friends, but I could literally highlight most of the book to share with others.
  
  "And here’s the kicker. I thought I’d enjoy parenting more. I don’t.Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and really enjoy a tremendous amount of the parenting action I see. But there are some parts that just aren’t enjoyable. It’s not all fun and games."
  
  I really feel like Melanie is my spirit parent animal. 😂 She totally gets me in a lot of areas. I really feel like her advice to lighten up is just what I needed to hear especially after the dumpster fire that 2020 has been so far. Do yourself a favor and if you feel stressed out/burnt out take some time to read this book.
  
  "Even if we do our best and it all goes to heck, I want us to lighten up and remain mostly calm. Our identity is not wrapped up in however our kids turn out. We can work hard on this parenting gig, but at the end of the day, they’ll make their choices and have lives apart from ours."
  
  "That’s how we keep going, how this too, whatever this is, shall pass. Through relationships. We pick each other up and encourage each other to keep going. We celebrate the wins and mourn the losses together."
• 
  Jeff Matlow

  This is a super easy and fun book to read THATS got lots of good parenting tidbits. As Melanie says, you take what you think can work for you and ignore the rest. My daughter is 7 and I wish I had read this when she was younger.
  
  Melanie’s writing style is fun. I smiled, I nodded, I even laughed out loud here and there. I also copied about five quotes and put them aside to remind myself about how I want to lead my life as a father.
  
  I’m going to buy this book as a gift for new parents.
  
  #netgalley #calmtheh*ckdown
• 
  Heather Nation

  Hey guys! I have been reading this book that I had the privilege of receiving an advanced reader copy to give my honest review of, and I have felt like a friend is talking to me by reading this. I'm only in the early chapters and just bought a physical copy to gift to my sister for Christmas, and I have several other friends in mind to get for their gifts as well. If your looking for a parenting book written in real language from a person who doesn't assure you you can do it, be a good parent, but instead is willing to lament with you and encourage you to pick your head up and keep trying to do your best (while offering some insight into some practical things to consider as you try to wrangle your kids up), please consider reading this book. Had a kid by natural birth? Adoption? IVF? Had parenting struggles, normals, and every where in between? This book may be the book for you! I can not wait to finish reading it! I'm planning on getting this book for almost every new parent (and some older parents) I come into contact with, and I'm not even done. I feel like I'm sitting down with a mom-friend over a cup of coffee as I read what she has written. I appreciate her candor and relatableness. If you're looking for a book to help you breathe while being a parent, look into this book. It's an easy and good read. Thank you so much for gifting me a copy of this book to read! It could not have come at a better time in my life than when I am so stressed due to COVID issues, parenting issues, schooling issues, moming issues, and just life. Haha :) It makes me want to make time to sit down for 5-10 minutes every day to read. I have really enjoyed what I have read so far! Expecting the rest of the book to be just as good. <3
• 
  Sarah Poling

  This book is really funny. I laughed out loud at some of the stories. The antidotes are real, honest, and many people need to hear them. The parenting advice is common practice by many leading parent authorities. My reason for giving it three stars, is that from a trauma informed and adopted parent perspective she misses the mark on best connected practices. And I don’t agree with many mainstream strategies. I fall into a growth mindset strategy that values the relationship above rules. That functions under the principle children do well if they can. There is always a reason behind the behavior, a parents job is to find the why behind the behavior. I don’t think the author intended to be an expert do all I say parent advice book. She achieves her goal. We can all calm down.
  
  So read the book to help calm yourself down. Read the book to remember we can relax many parenting standards. But don’t read the book as solid parenting strategies.
  
  My other concern is that this book is from a blogger and author with a Christian perspective. She is quite liberal. As a parent who swears. And this book really is not written from an evangelical or bible based faith perspective. It’s not mentioned really, which is fine, but wasn’t what I expected.
  
  Thankful to have read an advanced copy.
• 
  Amanda

  This is the first parenting book I've read that wasn't completely full of science and studies and a bunch of info that made me feel worse. The goal of this book is exactly as the title suggests, getting you to calm down about your parenting. Each chapter is focused on getting you to lighten up about a certain aspect of raising kids, and they vary but are fairly universally applicable (from behavior and language to feelings, friends, and relationships, with 16 total topics). The chapters are heavy on humorous (and sometimes cringe-worthy) stories from the author's life. There is good anecdotal advice, and each chapter ends with a list that applies to that content.
  I would have preferred more stories related to the application of the advice, rather than a lot of retelling of instances from her family experience and the author's childhood. It was hard to make connections in some places, like why a story was being used. The book felt at times like it was trying too hard to be humorous, and I think I expected a little more meat, since it calls out in the description and the introduction that she is a special needs/adoptive/in-vitro mom and has gone through some hard things. Overall, it was a reassuring book and did provide some useful tips.
  I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Kate

  This is a fantastic must-read parenting! It is down-to-earth and witty and just what every parent needs to hear! She manages to remind the reader to keep a more long term perspective when the day to day seems overwhelming. Not reading with one of the kids one day or cake for breakfast every once in awhile may feel like a fail, but we are doing better than we know and we should try to remember it and savor the moments. With social media overload displaying picture perfect playrooms and ideal moments, we sometimes forget that other parents know what the hard moments are like and just how sweet the good ones are too. Dale reminds us. I especially loved how she touched on relationship with spouse. Bringing a new child to the world can change a lot of things and it is easy to center our lives around our children. She reminded me that I need to try to do better to make time for my husband and I am so excited to utilize what I have learned and also help my anxious type A personality calm the h*ck down!
• 
  Crystal

  I wasn’t sure just how much help I’d get from this book dealing with my twelve-year-old daughter, but I ended up getting a lot of help for me. I didn’t realize just how much stress I was keeping myself under worrying about my daughter growing up. While reading, I took notes so that I can make little signs through the house as reminders for me. Also, while reading this book I realized that my daughter’s doing just fine, but I’ve now got techniques to deal with some of the things that might come up, i.e. dating, attitude, and schoolwork.
  I thoroughly enjoyed the authors writing style, her ability to have humor throughout kept me coming back for more. This isn’t a quick read, and I wouldn’t suggest you try to skim either. It’s packed full of great ideas, tips, and techniques for dealing with your children from baby to college. I suggest this book for every parent, because each one of us needs help in some area or another. This book will help you while not talking down to you.
  
  *I received an ARC of this story from NetGalley and this is my honest and voluntary review.
  
• 
  Melinda

  As an adoptive Mum of children with “unique” needs, I can relate to a lot of Melanie’s parenting experiences. I have had to, over my own parenting journey, let go of a lot of my own hopes and dreams and lower my expectations— which I think is a good and healthy thing, because I can let my children be themselves. Reading this book has helped to alleviate some of my lingering “mum-guilt” and stay the course.
  
  I spent so much time underlining and texting passages to my friends because I just felt so seen and heard as I read this book, and wanted to spread the encouragement to all my Mama-friends.
  
  Her pop culture references and hilarious similes had me constantly cracking up. She is definitely a bit quirky, but I’m someone who embraces the weird in myself, and it feels like Melanie would just “get me.”
  
  I also loved the helpful lists of suggestions at the end of each chapter, and felt like many are very practical takeaways. (After reading an advice book, I think it’s great to have an answer to the question, “Now what?” or “What are my next steps?”, and these lists are a great place to start).
  
  And anyone who comes out in staunch support of the Oxford comma is a friend of mine. ;)
• 
  Neidy Hess

  “I am the worst, and that shiny book could not possibly understand how truly hideous I am at this job...”
  
  Just as when Paul said he was the chief among sinners, along comes Melanie Dale with her banner of imperfect motherhood. Like an all star drum major, she leads imperfect mothers on journey to understand that we all need to chill the h*ck out.
  
  In these pages I found myself laughing until my sides split, staying up way too late reading the encouragement that I needed for the day, and yelling, “ME TOO, SIS!”
  
  This is for the everyday mother who swears into her pillow, yells occasionally (but always feels guilty), and for that weary mom who keeps trying to be the Pinterest mom of the year. Mostly, it’s for the mom that chooses to parent every day she wakes up and loves the stuffing out of the humans she has under her wing.
  
  If that’s you, join the marching band. You’ll be glad you did.
  
  I received this book in exchange for a review—seriously thankful it was this one!