XOXY, A Memoir: Intersex Woman, Mother, Activist by Kimberly Zieselman

XOXY, A Memoir: Intersex Woman, Mother, Activist Reviews

• 
  Harri

  XOXY is a memoir about being an intersex woman. Memoirs are always personal, but this one feels extremely so. Kimberly Zieselman speaks candidly about her life as an intersex woman, her experiences with doctors, her family, and her work as an intersex activist. The book is well written and engaging, and the story it tells is heartbreaking and moving.
  
  Intersex is something I was aware of, having been involved in LGBTQ+ activism in the past, but being aware of something and truly understanding it are two very different things. Intersex is often ignored, both by the general public and the LGBTQ+ community, and when it isn't ignored it is often just paid lip service, ostensibly included but without any actual help or support. I didn't know as much about intersex before I read this book as I would have liked to, or as much as I should have known. Luckily, this book is very comprehensive in the information it provides, and is a great starting point for people who want to learn more.
  
  The book is non linear, switching between childhood and adulthood, before Zieselman's diagnosis and afterwards. I found that this kept the story engaging, and helped to bring context to some of the earlier events in her life as she tries to make sense of her childhood with hindsight. This book does go into detail about medical trauma, and doctors dehumanising her and treating her like a specimen, not a person. As someone who is chronically ill and has had my own bad experiences with doctors, I did find these parts of the book hard to read, but also important, because intersex people are treated in a uniquely terrible way by the medical community. Whilst Zieselman's story is just one intersex narrative, the medical trauma she suffered and the PTSD she then developed are not uncommon within the intersex community.
  
  Zieselman talks a lot about coming to terms with being intersex, and with her identity as a woman. Identity is complex for everyone, but for intersex people there are unique complexities involved in both a person's internal identity, and how they are seen by society. I believe that this book has the potential to help other people, especially other intersex people, to feel less alone, less different. Zieselman talks in depth about the benefits of having a community of people just like you, who have been through similar experiences, and how finding her own community was the first step in understanding herself.
  
  The second half of the book is all about Zieselman's journey to becoming an intersex activist. There is a pretty comprehensive history of intersex activism and the progress the community has made, woven into the story so it still reads easily, and doesn't feel like suddenly reading a text book. If you've ever wondered why the I should be included in the LGBTQ+ movement, then you need to read this book, as Zieselman really shows why, despite the differences between the two communities, we need to work together.
  
  This is not just a story about being intersex. This memoir discusses trauma, mental health, identity, family, adoption, SEN parenting, advocacy and activism, and the importance of accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. It has a hopeful message of hope for the future for intersex kids, and a life without shame, stigma and medical trauma. There is still a long way to go but thanks to activists like Kimberly Zieselman, progress will be made. Please, read this book.
• 
  Amy Layton

  This was an incredibly interesting and eye-opening memoir.  Intersex as a condition is something that I've learned about recently, and something that I refuse to quit learning about.  There's so much that I don't know, and so much science doesn't know yet--though what remains important is the respect, honesty, and understanding one has for the intersex community.  And what a diverse community it is!  Though Kimberly had always considered herself "cis" (ie, being born female and accepting that designation), not every intersex person agrees with the designation doctors have forced upon them.  And when I say forced, I mean forced through genital surgery.  
  
  Reading Zieselman's memoir has made me so much more aware not only of the struggles and activism that the intersex community works with, but the raw emotions, the feelings of possible betrayal, and the ways in which they're trying to make society more accepting of them.  
  
  Reading this memoir was also pretty fun--I moved to Boston two and a half years ago, and Zieselman, having grown up in Boston, remarked upon some street names and landmarks that made me go "I've been there!  I know what she's talking about!!"  Where it wasn't fun, however, was her discussion of the medical wringer Mass General put her through, from denying her and her parents knowledge of her body, and the denial of a proper response to a letter of her grievances and urges to have them be more open and honest with their intersex patients.  Many Bostonians I've met have high high opinions of Mass Gen, so upon reading her experience with this hospital's actions not only many decades ago but recently...yikes.  Hopefully since her letter to the and after the soon to be publication of this book, their manner of aiding their intersex patients will be much, much better.  
  
  I found this edifying, and so so illuminating.  I hope Zieselman never stops what she's doing and continues to fight the good fight.  I know she, through her memoir, has certainly educated me and inspired me to do more research and to be a better advocate for the intersex community.  This is so, so worth reading.
  
  Review cross-listed
  here!
• 
  Rachel Pollock

  Wow, what a memoir. The author discovered at the age of 41 that she'd been born with XY chromosomes and that the surguries she had as a child purportedly to remove a dysfunctional uterus had actually removed internal testes. The first part of the book is a sort of coming-of-age story, both her own childhood recounted and her self-discovery of embracing her intersex identity after the revelation of her XY status.
  
  It then goes on to follow her activism with raising intersex awareness, not just visibility but also advocacy--I was shocked and horrified to learn about how doctors had been performing surgery to alter the bodies of babies born with gender-atypical characteristics, sometimes without even the parents' knowledge or consent! Just awful.
  
  The narrative bogs down a bit in places, like when she transcribes pages and pages worth of, say, a speech she or someone else gave at a conference or in an interview, and at times it gets a bit esprit d'escalier in its rebuttals after-the-fact to arguments with anti-intersex doctors with whom she froze up or was silenced the first time around.
  
  All in all, an engaging and informative read which will educate the reader about intersex perspectives and rights.
  
  I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  katie

  Quite heavy on the acronyms towards the end, but an excellent and important memoir of an intersex person unaware of their medical history until well into their adult life. A critical read for all healthcare providers, particularly for those involved in the provision of gynecological, prenatal, urology, and pediatric care.
• 
  Roberta

  This book is a memoir of one intersex woman’s story - her discovery of the fact that she was born intersex, but this was hidden from her for many years, and what she did, and continues to do about it.
  
  I was horrified and moved to hear Kimberly’s account of the awful manipulation of her and her parents by doctors, of the long ranging effects this has had on her life. I am so much more knowledgeable now about what intersex means.
  
  The book is well written, and for the most part, easy to read (apart from the emotional aspect). There were only one or two very short parts that I found a little dry - usually involving legal language. I think the author has done an excellent job of writing in such a way that someone with no legal or medical knowledge can clearly understand.
  
  I highly recommend this book - it’s a real eye opener on some of the human rights abuses that have been going on in our own country, right under our noses. I have enormous respect for Kimberly and those who fight with her, I admire their courage.
  
  I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  PsychDoctor

  The first half of the book was riveting and I couldn't put it down, the second half was a boring list of jobs she had and conferences run and attended with small bits of interesting information thrown in. I had a really hard time getting through the second half. The very end got a little better but it was a bit tedious. I guess you need to learn things when you first start writing books!
• 
  Elin

  I’ve read “XOXY A memoir - intersex, woman, mother, activist” by Kimberly Zieselman
  
  It’s the first book I’ve read about being intersex and it really touched my heart. Zieselman writes very personally about her own experiences. When she was only 14 years old a doctor told both her and her parents that she needed to have a hysterectomy because very high risk of cancer. What they didn’t tell her was that she was born with testes and the surgery was done without the real truth being told. She grew up feeling different and “fake” and anxious about the fact that she’d never be able to have biological children. She met the love of her life and adopted their children. But she didn’t get to know about the truth of her being intersex until she was 41 years old. It became a shock to her.
  
  She was able to meet other intersex people which was a very emotional experience for her. And being a lawyer she also began working for change - that intersex children wouldn’t be treated with unnecessary and harmful surgeries, that the families would be told the truth, for awareness of representation of intersex people and other rights for intersex people.
  
  Reading her story really made me understand the heartbreaking situation for intersex people around the world. And I want to learn more so I can be more aware and supportive myself.
  
  It’s an amazing and important read and I recommend it to everyone!
• 
  Dakota Bri (brisbookbag)

  Intersex- a child who is born with an underdeveloped XY chromosome.
  
  I had heard of Intersex throughout my life. Now, I realize this was in large part due to the work of people like Kimberly Zieselman. She was born Intersex but only told she had underdeveloped female reproductive organs and needed a hysterectomy at 15. It wasn’t until decades later that she came to understand that lie and how unnecessary surgeries, in the name of “normal” , dangerously effected children without their consent. She has since then worked tirelessly to fight for consent, education of and support of Intersex. This falls within the already existing human right regarding forced child sex organ surgery.
  
  The bravery Kimberly displays throughout her journey is absolutely inspiring! XOXY is a story of hope and empowerment, not because there isn’t a life threatening challenge at every turn, but because Kimberly has chosen to focus on the positive surrounding what once was a taboo condition. I am humbled and in awe of the heroes portrayed in XOXY!
  🥀
• 
  Piper Strzelecki

  Wow. This was an incredible book, I couldn’t put it down for 2 days. It is an amazing combination of personal narrative, but also had inspiring advice about advocacy & activism in general. I love the author’s candidness about her emotions and how they aren’t linear as she journeys through this discovery of herself. I didn’t know anything about the intersex community before I read this, but now I’m eager to know more. It has everything that makes a great memoir: honesty, inspiration, humility, and passion.
• 
  Leo

  TW: intersexphobia, internalised intersexphobia, surgery without consent, trauma, ptsd, burnout, disassociation, gaslighting, adoption outside home country (I know this is triggering for some)
  
  I sobbed while reading this (my similar experience was not being informed of my autism diagnosis). A call to arms to stop Dr's and parents hurting their children for the sake of 'sociatal normalcy'.
• 
  Amanda Renderos

  The beginning is very good, the middle drags, and then it wraps up fairly well. While I understand that conferences and meetings were an important part of her life and thus necessary to include this book - they are very dry chapters to read. Lots of acronyms and names to remember and not a lot of page turning content.
  
  I appreciate her sharing her story.
• 
  segosha

  very weirdly written: big chunks of extracted text from UN resolutions, a choppy structure that disappears towards the end, a lot of repetition. An interesting journey and perspective, but felt the writing let it down.
• 
  Aida Alberto

  What a well told and informative read. This is a subject I knew nothing about. Straight forward and candid it's a story that will resonate long after you finish. Happy reading! #XOXY #NetGalley
• 
  Bella Fitzpatrick

  An excellent memoir about rising to activism. Very accessible for those unfamiliar with intersex issues.
• 
  Leah

  4.5 Stars. This was such a beautiful story. It was incredible to read about Kimberly's story, and to see her become not only an advocate for herself, but for other intersex people as well!
• 
  Allie // Kitasai

  High recommend if you are wanting to learn more about people who are Intersex.
  Such an interesting read, a bit long and drawn out at times, but the majority was very informative and important.
  4/5
• 
  Kayo

  Unfamiliar with intersex, but very interesting story. Glad I read.
• 
  Rhiannon Grant

  A well-told, accessible memoir about life as an intersex woman, an adoptive mother, and shy girl turned highly public activist.
• 
  Adrian Shanker

  Kimberly Zieselman’s unflinchingly honest memoir lets us understand the health and familial challenges experienced by intersex people, including medical mistrust. This book also provides a partial history of the intersex activist movement and the role that people with lived experience play in making change happen. Thank you, Kimberly, for this beautiful memoir!
• 
  Charlie Newnham

  to-read
• 
  Kate

  I read this book in one day, which I never do. It was a very compelling memoir, and everyone should read it.