| Title | : | The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1524797715 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781524797713 |
| Format Type | : | Hardcover |
| Number of Pages | : | 256 |
| Publication | : | First published January 7, 2020 |
"There is parenting magic in this book."--Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain
One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out--in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships--is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as bestselling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it's simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child's healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S's:
- Safe: We can't always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
- Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions--both positive and negative--and strive to attune to what's happening in his mind beneath his behavior.
- Soothed: Soothing isn't about providing a life of ease; it's about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you'll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he'll never have to suffer alone.
- Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up--when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!
Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, illustrations, and tips for honoring the Four S's effectively in all kinds of situations--when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we don't show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that it's never too late to mend broken trust, this book is a powerful guide to cultivating your child's healthy emotional landscape.
The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired Reviews
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We all want to become better parents for our children and yet our children did not come with a HOW TO or a book of instructions. Fear not, because this book lays it out in a very clear, no fluff, and easy to read book outlining in an easy to remember guide full of examples and scenarios.
It is no surprise the success of our children is dependent on how present we are for them and will actually serve as a predictor for their success in life as far as their personal and academic success, the development of their leadership skills and their future relationships with others.
Being present does not have to cost a lot of time, money or energy, but to showing up and being there in the moment, and the quality of your presence makes all the difference.
The information Siegel and Bryson present in this book are backed up by science and well-grounded and proven research. I fell that the information in the book is something that I can trust as far as the validity of the information they are presenting.
I enjoy the highlights and pictures in the book to emphasize the topics that are being presented and reinforces the material covered. I also enjoy the real life scenarios and examples on how to handle situations you may encounter from a bad example to the best way to handle certain situations. The writing is easy to understand and the information presented is enjoyable and makes for an easy read.
I loved this book and will be using it as a resource. This is a must read for would be and current parents and grandparents as well as educators. I highly recommend this book and would make great gifts for parents. -
Very repetitive writing - this material could easily have been presented as a long-ish article. The substance makes sense though, and strikes me as generally good parenting advice.
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Thank you to Random House for the free ARC. I am not a huge fan of parenting books, but this one is exactly what I needed to read, and wish I'd read 5 years ago when I became a part. The authors' writing style is so accessible and easy to digest, while still packing in so much great information. They focus on how to show up for our kids physically and emotionally, and how giving them the Four S's helped our kids learn healthy relational attachment with us and sets them up for success in life.
Their examples are concrete and easily applicable. Their tone is nonjudgemental but honest about what happens when we don't show up for our kids or repair the relational damage our inevitable mistakes cause with our kids. It has also released me from the voice in my head that tells me I need to toughen up my kids and make them strong and even keep them from relying on me too much. It's such a necessary book for parents, and I've been recommending it to friends even before I finished. -
When I saw that authors Siegel and Bryson were releasing a new parenting book, I couldn't request The Power of Showing Up fast enough! Their past writing has been such a formative part of my own parenting.
Siegel and Bryson always share their knowledge, research, and experiences in an accessible and compassionate way. While they have decades of work in this area they make brain development and psychology approachable and easy to understand have the ability to write in a way that makes you feel heard while also empowering you with new tools and ideas.
The Power of Showing Up is another wonderful addition to their collection of books that speak to you whether you are a parent, caregiver, teacher, etc. They take on attachment theory and share the powerful reminder that the most important thing we can do for our children and to be there for them.
Doing this, we can teach and show them the value of comfort, support and unconditional love through both the highs and lows of being humans. They explain how we can do this through the idea of the "Four S's"...being seen, safe, soothed and secure.
As a person who experienced insecure attachment as a child, I often hyper-focus on our children always knowing they are heard and loved, while also dealing with the reality that parenting is never-ending and sometimes I lose my cool.
The reality is, everyone makes mistakes, and it is what we do next that is far more important. While I know this in theory, having it presented in an insightful and accessible manner is something I will always remember. I could go on and on about this book but I will just say that I highly recommend it and got so much out of it.
Thank you to NetGalley and Ballantine Books for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. You can see my full review at genthebookworm.com -
I saw this book on a list and I decided to give it a read because this is a book I generally would not read but I was curious about. I don't want to have kids but I am really interested in how one should parent responsible. Even though I don't see myself as a parent, I do have a lot of friends who are parents, expecting or aunties & uncles so this book was very insightful. Also, even though I don't want to be a parent it doesn't mean I don't want to learn how to have a great impact on the children Ill come in contact with.
In The Power of Showing Up Siegel shares with us the different ways we can show up for our children, making them well adjusted adults. He stresses the four S's -SAFE, SEEN, SOOTHED and SECURED- in doing these four things he outlines how parents can raise better children.
I highly recommend you give this book a read, even if you aren't a parent. What I absolutely LOVED was that Siegel also worked through how parents can recover from their past and be better parents.
A great read. -
My goodness, if you’re like me and struggle with enough mom guilt on a regular basis, don’t read this book. Had some good tips about helping your kids feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure, but it also used weird examples. For example, to help understand what “seen” means the author used an example of a father who didn’t know why his baby was crying and was also getting Mc impatient about the baby crying and interrupting his book-reading (I think we have all been there on both accounts if we are really honest). She mentioned how his attitude and lack of understanding of why the baby was crying could lead to the baby feeling like his or her parent doesn’t get what’s going on inside. She contrasted this with a dad that automatically got up and comforted the child with a bottle, knowing he was hungry. So, this book has great strategies if you a) only have one kid and b) haven’t been pushed to the point in parenting of exposing your own flaws in parenting. Her suggestions are great for a completely ideal world. But I felt like they were guilt-inducing for me, a parent that’s trying to do her best. Maybe I should have picked another book to read right now, haha......
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Apply the book 4 A in your parenting style to see the result today and future in your kids.
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In this encouraging and empowering book, psychiatrist Siegel (Aware) and clinical social worker Bryson provide steps for parents and caregivers to help children attain success and “feel at home in the world” ... Thanks to this excellent work, Siegel and Payne will leave readers with an empathetic and helpful philosophy to apply to their own parenting.
Publishers Weekly
At a cultural moment when many kids feel more competition with their parents’ devices than with their siblings, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spun a miracle — The Power of Showing Up is the ultimate guide to family reconnection. Clear, profound, and charmingly illustrated, it unravels the challenges of modern parenting and reveals the simple truths about what children really need from the adults in their lives.
Wendy Mogel, New York Times bestselling author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have written their best book yet — and that is saying a lot. They have distilled their parenting wisdom — based on neuroscience research and a deep empathy for children’s needs — into a profound concept: showing up. It is one of those great ideas that seems so obvious — but only after someone has shown it to you and spelled it out clearly. Best of all, Siegel and Bryson “show up” for the reader of this book. They know parents, know their fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams. They know that showing up for children is harder than it sounds, and they provide an accessible path to seeing and soothing children and providing them with safety and security.
Lawrence J. Cohen, PHD, author of Playful Parenting
This hopeful new book goes to the heart of every parent’s greatest wish: to raise a child who grows up to be a secure adult. In an unpredictable world, that can feel almost impossible. Drs Siegel and Bryson teach us how a parent can make a child feel safe, seen, soothed and secure, even if he or she didn’t have that in their own childhoods. There is parenting magic in this book.
Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic, Raising Cain
Parenting at this moment in time and at today’s pace feels hard. But that makes it all that much more important that we try to simplify the process of parenting and not put quite so much pressure on our own parenting shoulders. The Power Showing Up will help you do just that. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne are master teachers when it comes to helping parents react and respond to kids in ways that communicate “I hear you”. They articulate and quantify how to make your parenting easier — and better!
Christine Carter, PhD, author of Raising Happiness
The Power of Showing Up is an essential book for every parent who yearns to be more effective and present and, simply, better. It shows us that we don’t have to be perfect, but we can make our kids feel more secure and confident (now and in the future) if we are present and aware as parents. This important book gives us the steps to follow to make this happen.
Harold S. Koplewicz, MD, President, Child Mind Institute
Rarely does a book so broad and deep of subject give you the small do-able steps to find your way to success, confidence, and connection with your children. The Power of Showing Up brings to life the Zulu greeting “Sawubona” (I see you) and the refrain “Ngikhona” (I am here), which are essential for the parent-child connection.
Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting and The Soul of Discipline
Siegel and Bryson provide relatable real world examples and ... specific advice for handling various situations ... Parents looking for solid research delivered in an accessible manner will find Siegel and Bryson getting the job done well yet again.
Booklist
A fitting volume that expands on the authors’ previous work, filled with cartoons and straightforward strategies that will appeal to their fans as well as a wide range of general readers.
Julia M. Reffner, Library Journal
Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson have channeled all of their knowledge of child development into perhaps the most difficult yet important aspect of raising a child: showing up. The constant distractions that tempt us away from what is most important in life make The Power of Showing Up a necessary book for anyone raising a child in the digital age.
Jeff Stibel, New York Times bestselling author of Breakpoint
Offering strategies in communication, understanding and personal insight, The Power of Showing Up is a clear, compassionate instructional guide to the significant ways a shift in parental behaviour can and will affect a child. Highly recommended for parents, guardians and educators seeking insight for themselves and their children.
Shelf Awareness -
Если коротко, то надо поддерживать детей и быть для них авторитетом.
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Daniel Siegel has written my favorite books on parenting and this book continues to explain how our growing knowledge of brain science and neuroplasticity can inform and improve our parenting choices and our relationship with our children.
This book gets more into how attachment effects our children’s development and how our own attachment to primary caregivers in childhood shapes our default reactions in all our relationships. The steps presented to help you develop a secure attachment with your children are clearly described and manageable. I also appreciated the message of hope this book sends to parents who did not have a secure attachment growing up.
I love seeing how much the stories we tell ourselves can shape who we are as people and parents. -
The book emphasizes that our ultimate goal as parents is to cultivate secure attachment in our children in order to help set them up for a healthy sense of identity, quality relationships, and academic/professional success—ultimately, resilience and independence. As parents, we must help our children feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure and the book focuses on these ideas. The book asks parents to reflect on their own childhood experiences and examine the type of attachment the parent received, as well, in order to develop and understand their own narratives.
I found the research on secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment to be very interesting.
The book challenges parents to commit to not being the source of fear for our children in our own homes—a true challenge that includes not yelling, threatening, spanking, or even overreacting. (Ch.3 “Safe”)
Ch. 4 (“Seen”) focuses on creating depth in our relationships with our children, something we all hope for in our lives.
Later, the authors focus on PEACE—presence, engagement, affection, calm, empathy (“Soothe”). I appreciated the ideas that parents must provide both a launching pad (support and encourage) and a safe harbor (nurture) for their children.
This book is beneficial to read if you have very young children to start off parenting in a positive way (and be prepared for when those tantrums and big feelings arise), but it is not too late to apply the ideas to older children, as well.
The only negative, in my opinion, is that the book was repetitive at times. -
Absolutely LOVE this book. Dr. Siegel does it again. Inspiring, practical and rewarding. Must read if you are a parent!
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The first part of the book is used to making a case for the parental presence. If you are already convinced, you can skip this part and go straight to "how".
The authors talk about the 4 S - 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. For each point, there are pretty detailed discussions of why and how. The discussions are important because the authors want to be sure that readers understand they are not advocating to spoil the children, but to accept who they are. There are examples that help illustrate the principles too.
It is a good book for any new parents. But if I will pick one book for parents in the world, I will recommend "how to raise successful people" by Esther Wojcicki. The principles are similar. Wojcicki comes more from a practioner's point of view, less from a scientist' view, which means her book is more readable. Every new parent should a copy of "how to raise successful people", or this one is acceptable too. -
This is a really, really important book. But, I think the authors didn't quite give the subject material the right presentation to have the impact it should. I think this is some of the most important science for parenting that is out there. While the authors don't use jargon and the authors use very clear language to say what their research has shown, I think that with the lack of examples of using each step (there are some, but minimal) parents are left a little empty handed on how it feels and how to apply the principles. These are new principles to many parents and it takes a little more hand-holding to process and apply than the authors offer. Other than that, incredibly important and a must read for parents.
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So good. Such a great read for anyone who works with and has children in their lives. The ability to show up and be emotionally attuned to a child with the outcome of regulation or their feeling seen and cared for... this is so so so powerful. Great examples and research in the book. Some parents might find it helpful to be coached on these tasks, which I found limiting in the text.
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"Efectul neurobiologic al atasamentului securizant este un creier integrat: un sistem nervos puternic care nu ramane prins intr-un stres prelungit. Drept urmare, copiii pot aborda viata pornind de la premisa ca sunt protejati, ca dragostea si relatiile vor fi consecvente si prezente in vietile lor si ca pot gestiona inevitabilele momente dificile ale vietii,simtindu-se in siguranta si in largul lor in lume".
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One of the best parenting books I’ve ever read. It has the perfect mix of science, psychology and real-life strategies for being present for my kids. Highly recommend!
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AMAZING
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Excellent. Everyone with kids should read this to help your kids. Everyone without kids should read this to help yourself understand a little more about why you are the way you are.
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Wow! If you are a teacher, parent or caretaker of children you should read this! Lots of the ideas in here I do already but it was a great reminder and also shows you what works and what probably is not going to work and WHY! Understanding the why is so important! Great read!
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Kai pamačiau, kad lietuviškai išleista naujausia šių autorių knyga, labai apsidžiaugiau. Jie moka taip įkvepiančiai pasakoti apie tėvų ir vaikų santykius, ryšį ir smegenų vystymąsi, jog kiekvienąkart perskaičiusi jų knygą, aš įsitikinu, jog tėvystė gali būti daug lengvesnė ir malonesnė.
Turbūt jau esate girdėję ar netgi skaitę Daniel J. Siegel ir Tina Payne Bryson ankstesnes knygas: „Auklėjimas be dramų”, „Protingas vaikas” ar „Smegenys tariančios taip”. Na, o šioje knygoje dar giliau ir nuodugniau tyrinėjamas ryšys tarp tėvų ir vaikų, prieraišumo mokslas, pateikiamos naujausios įžvalgos apie neuroplastiškumą ir tarpasmeninę neurobiologiją.
Kaip sako knygos pavadinimas, autoriai atskleidžia, kodėl tėvams svarbu būti šalia savo vaikų ir kokią naudą jiems tai suteikia. Omenyje turimas ne tik fizinis artumas, bet ir šio artumo kokybė, t.y. dėmesingumas vaikui, išankstinių lūkesčių atsisakymas, budrumas, buvimas „čia ir dabar”. Buvimo šalia esmę puikiai nusako struktūros SMAGU (The four's S) elementai:
S - saugus vaikas
M - matomas vaikas
A - apkabintas vaikas
G - guodžiamas vaikas
U - užtikrintas vaikas
Tikrasis mūsų tėvų tikslas yra (ir turėtų būti) saugus prieraišumas. Kaip rodo moksliniai tyrimai, būtent jis ir yra tas pagrindas, kuris nulemia tolimesnę sėkmę ir pilnatvę vaiko gyvenime. Buvo labai įdomu skaityti prieraišumo tipus ir atpažinti, koks prieraišumo modelis išsivystė man ir mano vaikams ir kaip tai įtakoja mūsų asmenybę.
Be to, autoriai perduoda labai gerą žinią, jog nesvarbu, kokį prieraišumo modelį atsinešėme iš savo vaikystės – savo vaikams vistiek galime suteikti saugų prisirišimą. Gali būti, jog užteks perskaityti šią knygą, permąstyti ir suprasti savo praeitį, o gal netgi kreiptis pagalbos į specialistus. Bet šią, didžiausią dovaną savo vaikams – saugumą, suteikti tikrai įmanoma.
Taigi, mums nereikia žinoti atsakymų į visus klausimus, perskaityti daugybę knygų apie vaikų auklėjimą ar būti tobuliems ar neklystantiems. Ryšys su vaikais yra kuriamas ir puoselėjamas nuolat, todėl niekada nevėlu jį pagerinti. Mums pakanka būti šalia ir būti savo vaikų pusėje, nes mes juos be galo branginame ir mylime. O santykiai, ryšys ir saugumas yra didžiausios vertybės iššūkių kupiname tėvystės kelyje.
https://profesionalimama.wordpress.co... -
Highly recommend this book for parents of all ages! Even parents of adult children and grandparents!
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This is an honest and realistic look at parenting and how we can truly be there for our children as they develop. The key is to 'show up'. Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson have created the answer for parents, children, teachers and students. Here is a book which delves into how we can be present in children's daily lives, providing the 'Four S's - Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure'. As a parent we often worry about how our daily interactions could be better or how we can help our child more. There are lovely ways in which the authors express their points of view, which will stay with me. This is the type of book that I will read again. I will pick it up and read a quote or a page when I feel I need to. I love being a mum, have a beautiful son who I adore and am always learning from him. This book in many ways expands on my point of view as to parenting. These days I often hear comments such as 'You'll be right' or 'Toughen up'. As the authors explain, our children are only young once. They need to feel that you are there for them when there is a problem and that you care about their feelings. We can still discipline whilst soothing our children. They need to feel comforted by us. 'Truly seeing a child means that we pay attention to their emotions, both positive and negative.' As a child, I grew up in a loving home and one with my mum and dad who provided me with the Four Ss. I love that this book comments on parents who did not have the childhood they would have chosen or their parents did not provide their child with one of the Four S's. The focus is that everyone can show up for their child and can realise that they have the ability to. The authors provide strategies, examples and scenarios. I particularly liked the diagrams and visual examples within the book. The Refrigerator Sheet at the back of the book is fantastic. It is a summary of the main concepts discussed and I intend to place a copy on my fridge. The Power of Showing Up is much more than a parenting book. I became very emotional near the end of the book as the authors acknowledged the need for self care and mindsight skills. I particularly connected with the comments on adult emotions and reactions to big events impacting upon our children. Children come to realise that times of sadness are moments in time, there is a way through sadness and we experience many emotions in one day. This particularly applied to me, as when I grieve for my mum, my son will ask if I am ok, give me a cuddle and treat me as I treat him when he is upset. He is already such a caring little boy. I agree completely with modelling behaviour we hope our child or students will copy. The metaphors within are beautiful. 'Instead of getting pummeled by every emotional wave that comes their way... kids can learn to dive down and find the calm that lies beneath.' I love that this book resonates with me personally. I love that it provides a realistic view with research to back it up. Thank you to Scribe Publishers for your giveaway. I am grateful to have won such a fantastic prize. I would highly recommend this book for parents and teachers.
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Wondering how you help the little person in your life get ready for the big world? This book provides an insightful method you can do this by applying four Ss, 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. The authors do well to highlight that you don't need to be a perfect parent and that we often make mistakes. But by applying these principles you can make your child feel like they are heard, they matter and have a secure base with which to guide their way. The book does well to offer a neurological basis for their theories (which have been covered in other books), but don't think you will be bogged down in irrelevant discussion of neural structures. As a parent looking for guidance, I found it a useful, no-nonsense approach that I will try to apply to working with my little guy.
