Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee by Pamela Druckerman

Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee Reviews

• 
  Rebecca

  Druckerman’s comparative parenting study,
  French Children Don’t Throw Food, is a fascinating read whether you have kids or not. I was hoping for the same level of insight from her first book, a sociological investigation of the patterns of adultery worldwide. She travels from France (where she lives) to the United States, Russia, Japan, South Africa, Indonesia and China, interviewing professionals and anonymous adulterers and pondering what makes people cheat and what difference country of origin makes. Boiling it down, people in poor countries, even in parts of Africa where AIDS is a huge threat, are more likely to have multiple sexual partners than those in wealthy countries. Statistically speaking, there’s also a slight bias towards adultery in warmer countries.
  
  However, some factors that you might expect to have a big effect on the adultery rate, like religiosity (e.g. America vs. France), actually hardly do. What does differ is the level of guilt experienced over infidelity and its concomitant offense, lying (of Paris, Druckerman writes, “I am also struck that most people I interview aren’t tortured and conscience-racked about their own affairs”). In places like France and Japan she discovers more of a don’t-ask-don’t-tell attitude, whereby as long as the straying partner is discreet enough not to be caught the other turns a blind eye. For many who indulge, adultery is about the thrill of infatuation and of doing something illicit.
  
  Travel-based quest narratives like this usually have a personal element to them (such as Caitlin Doughty’s From Here to Eternity, which I was reading at the same time), and I find that a thread of memoir helps to anchor a book. Otherwise, you wonder, why bother learning about this subject? A whim or a fleeting moment of interest doesn’t seem like enough of an impetus. The other direction Druckerman might have taken would be a straightforward academic study, which her journalistic tone wouldn’t suit. Because this book hovers between genres/levels of discourse, it didn’t quite work for me, but if you think you might find the subject matter interesting it’s at least worth skimming through.
  
  Some thought-provoking quotes:
  
  “Americans gain status by radiating an aura of monogamy. It signals that they’re good parents, honest employees, or trustworthy merchants and that they share the values of other decent folks.”
  
  “The pursuit of happiness, or true love, is one of the most salient stories that Americans use to justify affairs and overcome their moral qualms about cheating.”
  
  a Japanese woman she meets: “You can have different kinds of love at the same time. With my husband it’s family love. With him [her lover] it’s the other kind of love.”
  
  “Adultery is something that’s done between two people, and it’s not specific to Judaism. ‘I think that’s a major reason that adultery is more tolerated than eating pork chops.’” (the quote within the quote is from sociologist William Helmreich)
  
  an Indonesian Muslim woman with a lover: “I still love my husband, but I need someone else to make me alive.”
• 
  Петър Стойков

  Има нещо гнило не само в Дания, ами и в Америка. То разбира се не е само едно нещо, дето е гнило в Америка, но аз точно едно определено нещо имам предвид за целите на ревюто на тази книга. И както можете да се досетите от заглавието й, то има нещо общо с изневярата.
  
  Америка (т.е. САЩ де) изнася културата си по света толкова успешно и в такова голямо количество, че даже я наименуваме с името на цял континент, когато тя си е само държава, па било то и федерална. И като изнася културата си, тя запознава целия свят с нея - включително и с отношението към изневерите.
  
  Не може да не сте забелязали (е, може и да не сте всъщност, затова съм тук да ви го кажа), че американците имат малко по-особено мнение и отношение към изневярата, отколкото останалите хора. "Малко" по-особено хехехе. Същото забелязва и авторката, която е американка, но се жени за французин и живее във Франция: за американците изневярата е много по-голяма и сериозна работа.
  
  Ама МНОГО голяма и сериозна. До степен да се самоубиват, да ходят цял живот на психоаналитици и семейни терапевти и да имат термин infidelity survivor по подобие на cancer survivor с който гордо се обозначават хората, преборили смъртоносната болест.
  
  Разбира се, никъде по света изневярата не е лека работа - заради нея се убиват в Латинска Америка, развеждат в много държави и си крещят и се шамарят в още повече. Също така, в САЩ си изневеряват, ако може да се вярва на статистиките-стъкмистики които са достъпни по тая тема, точно толкова, колкото и в останалите западни държави.
  
  Но никъде хората нямат отношението на нея като към СМЪРТЕН ГРЯХ, абсолютно социално неприемливо и животопровалящо събитие както в Америка и никъде хората не се чувстват толкова виновни за него. Докато Памела Дръкерман обикаля няколко държави да взема интервюта по темата и да разбере какво аджеба мислят хората, незасегнати от пуританската етика, тя вижда, че за мнозинството от тях тя е нещо като неизбежно зло, част от човешката природа - с което в повечето случаи се борим, но ако не успеем да го победим не е точно края на света.
  
  Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee е интересна за неамериканския читател именно с описанието на американското виждане за изневярата, както и, разбира се в останалата си част, дето са описани привичките и разбиранията на хората в други държави.
• 
  Sarah

  If, as an American, you've despaired of ever feeling comfortable with the sexual norms of your culture as compared to those of other cultures, this is the book for you. I'm so excited about our skeeved-out Puritan heritage, I could just give Jonathan Edwards a great big hug (at which point he'd have me stoned or similar). In comparison with sexless marriages sustained by groups of men snickering their way through evenings at "hostess clubs" (Japan), rampant gender-skewed infidelity taken as a given and sustained by alcoholism, lack of privacy, and a low life expectancy for men (Russia), a fidelity standard acknowledged as dependent on a wife's willingness to depilate, dress, and diet as requested (France), or intense, wide-spread
  magical thinking about significant others versus lovers on the side that inevitably leads to a majority of the population having HIV or AIDS (Swaziland), the good old U.S. of A. and its frantic confessional mode of dealing with "betrayal" seems comforting in the manner of apple pie and hand-holding on the porch swing.
• 
  Barbara

  Not a bad book if you read it with an understanding of its limits -- it is not meant to be a definitive academic resource, but a good, somewhat thought-provoking read about relationships, fidelity and guilt. The author does frame the book as a compare/contrast study of infidelity in the United States and the rest of the world, but the author definitely goes beyond an "us and them" tone in the main body of the work.
  
  I'm still left wondering where Canada lands between the US and "the rest of the world" as the author puts it....we likely harbour a lot of the "American guilt" she discusses, but it's tempered by other cultural circumstances and traits which make us more likely to analyse the situation like the British minus the awesomely trashy flashy tabloid press. :-)
• 
  Ryan

  In Lust in Translation, Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist based in Paris, attempts to sort out adultery: who cheats on whom, where, and in spite of what consequences. Unfortunately, it's very tricky to study adultery and most of what she finds as of 2007 boils down to interviews with whoever she can wrangle while abroad.
  
  Even if Druckerman's findings should be taken with a grain of salt, they're still interesting. Religiosity seems to play an at best limited role in infidelity, and of the religious, they worry over temporal shame and inconvenience rather than divine wrath. Though they differ in religiosity, America, France, and the UK cheat more or less equally. Italian men apparently cheat very little, while Latin Americans seem relatively enthusiastic about affairs. People in South Africa are sleeping around, maybe almost constantly, in spite of AIDS. The chapters on Japan's mostly sexless marriages, Shenzhen's mistress villages, and Indonesia's polygamous arrangements are maybe the most interesting, though perhaps the most useful information comes from adjacent rather than exotic sources.
  
  The culture of cheating is remarkably varied. An American who cheats may suffer a lifetime of shame and crying with his or her partner with whom an ethos of radical honesty is shared. In Russia, Druckerman finds that revealing one's infidelity is part of the narrative of an affair, and it apparently is tied up with a vacation. The French are comfortable discussing infidelity, but they don't seem to cheat much more than their, it's hard to resist neurotic as a descriptor, American counterparts. There is something vaguely utopian about America's idea of marriage relative to what Druckerman encounters elsewhere. In most other countries, there is little expectation that one should know every detail of a partner's life, something Esther Perel suggests in Mating in Captivity.
  
  Here are some criticisms of the book. First, Druckerman finds in a variety of relationship norms in Chicago. Class, ethnicity, and geography all influence the norms, suggesting that American culture is heterogenous and therefore we should resist big claims about it. Perhaps because America is a melting pot or perhaps because it's not easy to find reliable studies on infidelity, every other culture is mostly treated as a monoculture. Second, I suspect that this book, if it were published today, would have more information thanks to online dating apps and programs. Third, Druckerman sometimes treats tabloid coverage of high profile affairs as data, but I found these meta analyses mostly not interesting at all and would have preferred to limit their inclusion. They also date the book. Finally, there is a coy humour in the book that some readers will find fun, but I mostly it found cliche.
  
  I found Lust in Translation excellent, read it in a couple days, and will think of it for some time to come. Recommended.
• 
  Jill

  I'd spotted this book in a bookstore. The blurb looked interesting enough but I wasn't sure I was prepared to fork out close to 30 dollars for a book that looked vaguely intriguing and would probably not merit a second reading. (Bless the National Library for taking up my suggestion to purchase the book for its collection.) An investment of three days showed me that my original assessment was spot on. Lust in Translation has the lofty ambition of exploring infidelity around the globe - in America, France, Japan, Russia, South Africa, China and amongst the Hasidic community. Unfortunately, the book falls far short of these ambitions given the damning combination of lack of data, lack of insight on the part of the author and so-so writing. The chapters set in the US - Welcome to America and the Marriage-Industrial Complex -are probably the strongest as Druckerman, being American, actually does have some insights into the culture. But she comes across as being hopelessly lost once the scene shifts overseas. That's when Lust in Translation seems to fall back on cultural stereotypes/standards(the self conscious "Frenchness" of the French, the sexlessness of the Japanese marriage, how the economic boom in China has caused a revolution in cultural mores, including attitudes towards sex and marriage) and her insights are limited to transcripts of her interviews with her subjects. 2 stars for the intriguing topic, but too bad about the actual book.
• 
  Nicki Markus

  I saw this book on the shelf and my interest was piqued - not least as I have known, either personally or through friends, a couple of guys who have cheated on their wives. I was intrigued to learn more about what was behind it all and how views differed in different cultures.
  I was sadly disappointed though...
  The book had some interesting snippets on practises in various countries but the author had overshadowed it all with a sense of middle class white American Christian morality. While she obviously would have her own views on the subject, I wish they hadn't come across quite so strongly in her writing as I felt it gave a real bias in favour of the opinions she has been brought up with.
  This was an OK read but I had expected more from it and was left feeling let down.
  I guess I'd say to others - read it for curiosity but take it with a pinch of salt.
• 
  Jamie

  This is my kind of book - a readable non-fiction on one narrow topic. Even though her research seems largely anecdotal, i enjoyed the differing takes from the various countries and the rationalizations people gave. The Sarkozy stuff was dishy - and that was before Carla Bruni even! When can I read HIS bio?
• 
  David

  At times it can seem that globalization of the marketplace and the U.S. dominance of entertainment media worldwide are conspiring to erode cultural differences across the globe. Books like this one, in which Druckerman examines differences in cultural attitudes towards infidelity around the world, or Eric Weiner's recent investigation of happiness by country ("The Geography of Bliss":
  http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...) show us that cultural heterogeneity is still alive and thriving.
  
  Druckerman's research for this book began in the U.S. and took her to England, France, Japan, China, Russia, Africa and Indonesia. Anyone writing about sexual mores faces an immediate challenge: statistics are scarce and, given people's tendency to lie about such intimate matters, notoriously unreliable. I thought Druckerman did an excellent job of navigating the terrain - she is upfront about the limitations of the available data, and strikes an excellent balance between summarization of the research that has been done and weaving in enough anecdotal material to keep things readable.
  
  There is nothing particularly deep about her analysis, but that's not to say it's without insight, and it was definitely a fun and interesting read. The French are demonstrated to be far more chaste than popularly believed; similarly, despite the voracious local appetite of the press for scandal involving public figures, infidelity levels in the U.S. and Britain are on the low side. Her account of the dismal state of marital relations that appears to be the norm in Japan, the attitudes that make Russians view infidelity as something not to get overly worked up about, and the
  magical thinking used to rationalize infidelity that is rampant in certain countries in Africa (a major factor in driving up rates of transmission of HIV) is simultaneously fascinating and depressing.
  
  Druckerman also reminds us that attitudes towards infidelity within the U.S. are by no means uniform, though the existence of a uniquely virulent U.S. strain of puritanism cannot be denied. This nominal conservatism, when combined with people's normal tendency to transgress occasionally, can have bizarre consequences. One of the most memorable episodes in the book is her account of the horrifying aftermath of a single episode of infidelity in one southern couple's marriage. The relationship has become completely toxic, by any objective standard; fifteen years later, the "wronged" spouse resurrects the transgression on a daily basis, his partner is too guilt-ridden to recognize that the marriage should have been ended years ago, they remain locked in a miserable, toxic stalemate. Druckerman makes the point that this consequence of the accepted standard "script" for dealing with infidelity is all too common. Her account of the way ultra-orthodox Hasidic Jewish men in Brooklyn find ways to rationalize their (distinctly skeevy) behavior is equally horrifying.
  
  Not a particularly deep book, but one that is both readable and interesting.
• 
  Bookworm

  An interesting take on infidelity around the world, which might be eye-opening to some. Druckerman takes a look at why people have affairs, how they deal with them, what are the consequences in various countries such as Indonesia, South Africa, China, Russia, Japan and France. I thought it was was overall enjoyable read without slogging along or becoming too academic. It goes into very interesting details such as sex as being one of the few outlets in Russia as a leftover from the Soviet Union times. How condom usage remains inconsistent at best in South Africa, despite AIDS and unwanted pregnancies.
  
  The work is a mix of anecdotes with statistical studies thrown in, although it's not too heavy on the numbers. The author talks to both men and women about why they cheat, how they feel about it, what it does to their relationships and marriages and what happens if the spouse/partner finds out. I can't say if I could pick out any American-isms slipping or how accurate her work was. But as being originally from the US, Druckerman uses that as a point of comparison (and arguably it is likely Americans are her audience.) On the point of accuracy, though, I recognized some of which that is discussed on France and Hasidic communities in NY, so I hope overall it's accurate.
  
  Unfortunately Druckerman couldn't go country hopping everywhere, and I wonder if she included only the chapters that had countries with enough meat in them. She doesn't seem to have traveled to Latin or Central America. I also wish she had another African country or one in the Middle East as well. Although Druckerman discusses polygamy in Islam, she goes to Indonesia, which might have a different outlook than say Pakistan. It also seems unfortunate that Druckerman had to interview Hasidic Jews in New York, rather than Jews in Israel. But then again I would not be surprised if she encountered difficulties with trying to visit other countries.
  
  Despite what's missing from the book, I think it was a really intriguing read that might make you think. That said, it is NOT a self-help book in any fashion, and the author does not provide any tips, although there is a bibliography in the book. The author also doesn't discuss infidelity in terms of homosexual/bisexual/non-heterosexual relationships.
  
  If you have any interest in the subject, it was a pleasant read for a few hours. I couldn't say if those who enjoyed her French parenting books (which I think helped shoot Druckerman into prominence) would love this, since I haven't read any of her other work yet. I will say that it has definitely made me want to read her other books out of curiosity.
• 
  Rodrigo

  Great! Fun! Interesting! Easy to read and yet full of information, facts and numbers that change the way we see the world, not only referring to sex and infidelity, but also in terms of stereotypes and prejudices. Only one thing: after reading what it says in the cover one could expect a wider point of view, but again we find an american-centered mentality. Every fact, every info she offers is compared to behavior in the US. Yes, I know she's american, but if you write a book about (as she says) "infidelity in the world", it has to be more inclusive. Curiously, her interest in infidelity originated in Buenos Aires, and yet she decided not to get info from Latin American countries, where religion is so strong and infidelity so widespread. Probably it is the same situation that she depicts in Chapter 9, "God in the bedroom", (why didn't she go to Israel to investigate orthodox jews instead of going to Brooklyn, New York???), but still it would have been great to know what happens in latin culture. I'm beginning to question my own monogamy...
• 
  Whitaker

  Less a review than a quick link to follow up. One of the countries covered by Pamela Druckerman in the book is China, and its huge mistress population. They even have entire luxury apartment blocks where most of the residents are mistresses of rich and powerful men. Anyway, Foreign Policy just did a piece on the mistress problem in China, linking it to its pervasive culture of corruption:
  "The Mistress-Industrial Complex". It was an interesting "follow-up read" to this book.
• 
  Marrick

  This is an interesting book and a good read for the comparison between how cultures react to and view marital infidelity.
• 
  Daniel Brady

  This is not a book about 'adultery', 'cheating,' or even 'marriage'. It is a personal exploration of the legally recognized relationships between two or more people found in a handful of countries around the world, from the perspective of someone who is only familiar with one of them. With that in mind, I appreciate the author's efforts, and congratulate them on their journey of self-discovery.
  
  That said, it is clear they only scratched the surface of their objectives, and I hope that small taste was enough to spur them to continue exploring, or to at least stay curious. Given their goal of questioning a piece of their own culture and comparing it to similar pieces of others, I was disappointed by how shallowly they dove in pursuit of that goal.
  
  I don't mean to make light of their efforts, but rather to highlight the fact that they consistently filter the interviews they have and the stories they collect through their own morals and values, and so their writing comes off more befitting an op-ed than a serious anthropological investigation.
  
  They define a 'cheater' as "someone who is supposed to be in a monogamous relationship but who's having secret sex with someone else," and ask that we readers don't get "hung up" on words like 'cheating' and 'unfaithful' because "there are only so many ways to phrase it." But by choosing such culturally charged words to refer to a concept they hoped to examine cross-culturally, the author undermines their own endeavor by placing severe limitations on their own experience of their work and of the insights they might have based on it, and asks the reader to approach their book from the same restricted viewpoint. One of the alternative terms scoffed at by the author, 'parallel relationships', would actually have made for a better, more objective lens to view their research through.
  
  What's more, they define 'cheating' in terms of sexually monogamous relationships, but then they only focus on the subset of 'cheating' that is extramarital sex, and they don't define 'marriage.' At first, they seem to be working from a definition which describes a type of legally recognized union between exactly two people, a 'husband' and a 'wife', who are not married to other people and agree to be sexually monogamous with each other; with this definition, 'cheating' happens when a third person has sex with either the husband or the wife, and it is hidden from the other married person.
  
  But then men with four 'wives' and women who only fantasize about monogamy from their 'husband' enter into the discussion, and you have to wonder why the author doesn't start to question their use of these terms, and more importantly whether their discovery of these types of unions reveals any assumptions in the premise of their research that ought to be examined.
  
  To be fair, the author discussed a certain amount of the inner conflict they experienced when trying to reconcile their findings with their own perspective. But overall, this book reads a bit like an exploration of the eating utensils of various cultures, in which everything is either a fork or a spoon, even if the 'fork' only has one tine or the 'spoon' has holes in it: the author aims to broaden their understanding of a subject, but ends up trying to imagine their findings as endless variations on a theme, instead of recognizing that some of them are different themes entirely.
• 
  Teena

  I've never been the type who holds tightly to social constructs so when I encountered a book about viewpoints of extramarital affairs throughout the world, I had to read it.
  
  Interestingly enough, the author is a woman. I must congratulate her on NOT crucifying the men she encountered who freely admitted their extra-marital liasons. I expected that an American would have a biased view on the importance of fidelity, yet Pamela Druckerman was quite open-minded.
  
  She is very correct in her assessment of Americans. While they extol the virtues of fidelity, they have made infidelity a multi-million dollar business. Books, programs, retreats and a plethora of other "marriage strengthening" exercises are pushed on mainstream society, even though Americans are among the most faithful people in the world.
  
  Perhaps a better idea is to examine the opposite side of the coin, as is done in other countries. Accepting that men tend to enjoy a variety of women isn't necessarily damaging. In some countries (China, noteably) men who provide enough money for their wives (and, often, parents) are looked upon as favourable. Such men acquire concubines and their wives accept it as a good payoff for an economically comfortable lifestyle.
  
  I'm not against this form of exchange since marriage has always been a mutually agreed upon contract. Either person is free to break the contact if it no longer suits them and individuals are responsible to set out rules that are suitable for their situation. Some rules are set out clearly, others are implicit. I don't feel that monogamy should be an implicit rule, as sex and love are not
  mutually exclusive for most men.
  
  The sheer amount of infidelity that occurs around the world is proof (to me, at least) that traditional vows of marriage are no longer applicable. We did away (for the most part) of vowing to "obey" men, so why not do away with "fidelity"? Just as some women refuse to obey, many men refuse to stay faithful.
  
  Instead of making marriage counselors rich, why not accept that sex and love are separate? Be confident that the man who married you, loves you, even if he shags the odd stranger from time to time.
• 
  MasterSal

  So I’m not sure what possessed me to put this on my TBR since cheating gives me hives. But I was willing to put aside my “puritan baggage” in a temporary checkout to see if this clicks. Nonfiction can be fascinating so I decided to give this a shot - thankfully it worked.
  
  This was a surprisingly humorous but well written book which functions more like personal exploration about cultural attitudes towards infidelity rather than an academic text. This actually works for the book as it is a sort of a travelogue and cultural musing mixed into one. I enjoyed this quite a bit - possibly because I was not expecting this mix.
  
  Given the nature of the topic, the data and statistics available will likely not hold up to deep scrutiny so the author visits various countries and talks to people and academics. That narrow focus makes this more idiosyncratic and more engaging for me. I get the data issues and therefore would have been more bored in an academic text as so much of the work would have to be caveated.
  
  Of course, this also means that one should be careful about making conclusions based on this book - especially as it tends to be focused more on Western countries and not as much where polyamory is a norm. There is a chapter focused on Indonesia which was interesting but the author acknowledges this as a limitation.
  
  I found the book best as an impetus for my own musing and a recognition of the tropes in a lot of books I read. Ironically, I was reading
  My Lovely Wife in parallel to this where the preoccupation of cheating by Americans is front and centre. It gave this book a practical example which worked well for me.
  
  I liked 2/3rd of the book quite a bit. The writing was strong and fun. My interest did peter out in the end but was on me and my generally crappy mood. As a result, I’m going to give this book 4 stars. It was an interesting look at the topic and sparked a lot of thought for me.
• 
  Trenny Đặng

  Cuốn sách này xuất bản năm 2007, và được xuất bản ở VN năm 2013. Đây là quyển sách nói về chuyện ngoại tình ở nhiều nước trên thế giới, tác giả sống ở Pháp và đã đi qua nhiều nước bao gồm Mỹ, Nga, Nhật Bản, Nam Phi, Trung Quốc,... để nghiên cứu chuyện ngoại tình, họ nghiên cứu ở những năm 2004-2000-1996-1987- 1 vài năm trong thập niên 70 và 80.
  Kết luận của tác giả trong cuốn sách này như sau:
  Phụ nữ U20 ( 20-29) dễ ngoại tình hơn các lứa tuổi khác. Đàn ông U30 ( 30-39) dễ ngoại tình hơn các lứa tuổi khác. Người học càng cao thì càng ít ngoại tình, người càng kiếm dc nhiều tiền thì càng ít ngoại tình ( 10000usd và 60000usd) Chủng tộc, người Mỹ gốc Phi là ngoại tình nhiều hơn người gốc da trắng, tỉ lệ nghiên cứu vào năm 1994: 12% đàn ông da đen ngoại tình trong khi đàn ông da trắng chỉ có 3%, tỉ lệ phụ nữ da đen là 7% trong khi phụ nữ da trắng chỉ hơn 1%. Ngoài ra, sách còn nêu ra vụ ngoại tình kinh điển của cựu tổng thống Mỹ là Clinton, cựu chủ tịch Mao Trạch Đông của Trung Quốc. Vào thời đó, họ cho rằng người ngoại tình thì sẽ dễ dàng ăn hối lộ và tham nhũng. Cuốn sách này khá là lí thú, vào thời đó, đại dịch HIV - AIDS tràn lan là do các ông chồng đi ngoại tình rước bệnh về cho vợ con, tác giả còn nói rõ khi có cơ hội ngoại tình mà không ai có thể phát hiện thì tỉ lệ khá cao rằng người ta sẽ ngoại tình, đọc đến đây thì mình chỉ muốn lấy chồng là bác sĩ. Và trong hôn nhân, 1 điều quan trọng rằng hãy thảo luận trước với bạn đời về 1 vấn đề: nếu sau này có 1 người nào đó quyến rũ anh (em) thì chúng ta sẽ làm như thế nào, bằng cách giải toả bí mật với nhau thì khi gặp cám dỗ chúng ta sẽ dễ dàng đối phó hơn. Thôi thì cứ cho quyển sách này 5 sao, bởi vì tác giả đã đi qua rất nhiều nước chỉ để nghiên cứu mỗi chủ đề ngoại tình, nói đùa rằng đây là quyển sách ngoại tình xuyên quốc gia.
• 
  Cuong Khong

  Có lẽ nhà nghiên cứu lịch sử người Israel, ông
  Yuval Noah Harari cũng không ngờ đến 1 ngày, cuốn sách của ông lại có một phiên bản khác. Xin trân trọng giới thiệu đến quý độc giả quyển sách Sapiens: A Brief History of Hedonism and Infidelity of Mankind.
  
  Với văn phong hóm hỉnh, pha trò châm biếm thường thấy của các ký giả người Mỹ.
  Pamela Druckerman đã giúp tôi hiểu khá nhiều về đời sống tình dục cũng như ngoại tình của con người trên thế giới: ai lừa dối ai, ở đâu và bất chấp hậu quả là gì. Thật không may, rất khó để nghiên cứu về ngoại tình và hầu hết những gì Pamela tìm thấy vào năm 2007 đều tập trung vào các cuộc phỏng vấn với bất kỳ ai mà cô ấy có duyên gặp được khi đi công tác.
  
  Ngay cả khi những phát hiện của cô bị cho là tầm thường thì chúng vẫn khá thú vị (ít nhất là với tôi). Tính tôn giáo dường như đóng một vai trò khá hạn chế trong việc ngăn chặn sự không chung thủy. Và đối với người theo đạo, lo lắng cho sự xấu hổ khi bị phát giác cũng chỉ mang tính tạm thời hơn là nguy cơ sẽ bị thần linh khiển trách.
  
  Dục vọng có lẽ là một trong "tội" được đề cập trong Kinh Phật (Ngũ giới) hay Kinh thánh (Thất Đại Tội ). Nhưng cho dù là có tội, dần dà, nó cũng trở nên phổ biến với con người thời nay và trở thành một yếu tố quan trọng trong đời sống hôn nhân và xã hội. Có sự chấp nhận, có sự phản đôi nhưng hầu như ở bất kỳ nơi nào, dục vọng luôn có kẻ hở để nó len lỏi vào... Cuốn sách này không hoàn toàn nói xấu về dục vọng, nó chỉ đơn giản cho chúng ta thấy 1 góc nhìn mới về Chủ nghĩa khoái lạc, cũng như Sự ngoại tình.
  
  Mặc dù khác nhau về tôn giáo, Mỹ, Pháp và Anh gian lận ít nhiều như nhau. Đàn ông Ý dường như rất ít lừa dối bạn đời trong khi Latino có vẻ tương đối nhiệt tình trong chuyện ấy. Còn những anh bạn ở Nam Phi thì xem đó như là một tôn chỉ của người đàn ông, họ có thể làm gần như liên tục, bất chấp hậu quả là căn bệnh thế kỷ HIV-AIDS. Các chương về hôn nhân không tình dục ở Nhật Bản, và các làng vợ lẽ ở Thâm Quyến, hay như chế độ đa thê ở Indonesia có lẽ là thú vị nhất.
  
  Văn hóa ngoại tình rất đa dạng. Một người Mỹ khi cheats có thể phải chịu đựng sự tuổi nhục suốt đời với người bạn đời của mình. Ở Nga, tiết lộ sự gian díu cho một người là một ph���n của văn hóa ngoại tình, và nó dường như gắn liền với văn hóa kỳ nghỉ tránh đông của họ tại các nước nhiệt đới. Người Pháp thật sự thoải mái thảo luận về nó, cả đàn ông lẫn đàn bà, nhưng dường như họ lại là kiểu người duy nhất không lừa dối bạn đời nhiều. Hầu hết ở quốc gia khác, ngoài Mỹ, con người rất ít khi kỳ vọng rằng bạn đời nên hiểu hết mọi ngõ ngách đời sống của đối phương.
  
  Nhìn chung Lust in Translation là một non-fiction xuất sắc, tôi sẽ tiếp tục suy nghĩ về cuốn sách này trong vài ngày tới và sẽ bàn về vấn đề ngoại tình trong thời gian tới. 4 sao nhé!
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  Steven

  This is definitely an interesting examination of an under-reported and under-studied area of human life!
  
  Absent robust statistics, there are lots of anecdotes and similar assertions, but precisely because of the dearth of reliable metrics, these insights are valuable. I like the spread of countries/continents that the author chose, though it would have been interesting to see more African and Latin cultures represented. I would also have been curious to know how the US's closest neighbors, Canada and Mexico, viewed the non-monogamy issue.
  
  Certainly the implication of this being a class-based phenomenon, with the lower classes accounting for most of the cheating, does not appear to acknowledge the long history of aristocratic dalliances that were rampant across the European courts for a long time.
  
  While the book is focused on contemporary flings, it would have been interesting to include more historical context, even if those weren't formal sociological studies. Some examination, for example, of how a culture like India's, which famously gave the world the Kama Sutra, could have "regressed" in a way to the more-Puritanical state in which modern India finds itself, would have been welcome. Likewise, again, additional historical context for Islam and the current state of relationships in the modern MidEast would have been welcome.
  
  Overall a fun and interesting read.
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  Gail

  Pamela Druckerman, author of "Bringing Up Bebe," takes a similarly gripping yet unscientific world tour of adultery in "Lust in Translation." Her conclusion? That the American response to an affair, “panicky confrontations, our knee-jerk threats of divorce, our faith in the redemptive power of marriage counseling, and even our assumption that honesty is the highest value of coupledom” is cultural. “Societies have their own rules on who can cheat, and for what reasons.” For a married Japanese woman with a lover, “feeling guilty hadn’t occurred to her, since she was meeting her obligations to her family.” Though the numbers Druckerman cites are now quite outdated and her analysis is admittedly both anecdotal and reductivist, it’s all still fascinating and smoothly-written enough to keep the pages turning: “In an attitudes survey done in 1994, nearly 40 percent of Russians said affairs are ‘not at all’ wrong or ‘only sometimes’ wrong—compared to 6 percent of Americans answering similarly.”
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  Tamara Frost

  I've read another book from this author, and I really enjoy her style. She does a great job of reporting on the content while making it very accessible and understandable. In this book, the very tricky issue of infidelity is covered, looking at how several different culture view the issue. We take a gander at Japan where marriages are more about security and love is found elsewhere, to Russia where the dearth of men leave many women powerless to insist on fidelity, and in poor African places where poverty makes intimacy one of the only pleasures, even in the face of a severe AIDS epidemic. This is, of course, contrasted with the strong American feelings on the betrayal. Overall, it's a fascinating book that both illuminates the difficulty in doing reliable research in sexual choices and how those sexual choices can impact not only the family, but the culture itself.
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  Shawn Ly’s Book Notes & Quotes

  “Americans, I think, strike us like rather innocent teenagers: full of energy and vigor and pumping red blood but actually not too sure what to do about it.”
  
  “In Diane Johnson’s novel Le Divorce, a married Frenchman tells his young American lover, ‘Your founding fathers expressed hope for the future and a commitment to preparing the conditions that would make possible the best outcomes. But somewhere along the way, hope was transubstantiated into belief incarnate. I believe you call it The Power of Positive Thinking. Of course French people have no such delusions that things will work out for the best.’ Most likely, we Americans will go on believing they will.”
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  Minh Hoang

  The book shows the facts of infidelity in some countries around 4 continents but the researching area in each nation seems not enough to represent for a the whole country. Besides, it hasn't pointed out the reasons inside. It is a great reference for studying but not so fulfilled to readers on the nature of that fact. But it was a huge effort of a journalist in collecting statistical figures supporting to the book and her brave traveling around the world to investigate the reality in each studying country.
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  Ex Libris Meis

  Pamela Druckerman wrote “Lust in translation”, a book about adultery around the globe.
  When I finished reading it, I understood that adultery is a <> in almost every country.
  But:
  “Even in countries where people supposedly tolerate cheating, almost everyone is heartbroken to discover infidelity”.
  
  http://www.exlibrismeis.com/en/2020/1...
  
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  Brooke

  Great book. Super fascinating, wow. The author travels to several different countries and interviews people about infidelity in their country. It's pretty eye-opening. America is, by far, the most uptight, moralistic country about this unavoidable human issue. We are the country that most catastrophizes about it. A worthwhile and thought-provoking read.
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  Rock

  This was an interesting, if mostly inconclusive, journalistic expedition through the cultural attitudes towards infidelity in various countries that the foreign-correspondent author seemed to be in anyway. Not science, in other words, but contains some interesting testimonials.