Bell Hammers by Lancelot Schaubert

Bell Hammers Reviews

• 
  Dez the Bookworm

  This book was suuuuper fun!
  
  I chose to listen to this book to entertain myself when I couldn’t actually read…and that, my friends, it did.
  
  I won’t waste time telling you what the book is about as the synopsis here on GR drums that all up nicely.
  
  As we follow Remmy from childhood to adulthood, we get a nice clean picture of what life was like for him because the descriptions are so colorful. At times, I could clearly see how Remmy was moving though his day, what he was wearing, even how he looked when he was faced with a situation. The story itself was interesting and kept me engaged, wondering where all of this was going. I really enjoyed following Remmy as he grew up, he’s quite the scoundrel!
  
  The humor, oh my word, the humor! I found myself smiling a ton and chuckling often. It’s mostly clean humor with some course language (a little too much for my liking but if curse words don’t bother you, this’ll be just fine) and totally relatable. I thought the narrator did a decent job changing his voice and really getting into the story. There were a few times he seemed a little too hasty and I wished he would have slowed down a titch but it was still good narration overall.
  
  ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Dez the Bookworm

  This book was suuuuper fun!
  
  I chose to listen to this book to entertain myself when I couldn’t actually read…and that, my friends, it did.
  
  As we follow Remmy from childhood to adulthood, we get a nice clean picture of what life was like for him because the descriptions are so colorful. At times, I could clearly see how Remmy was moving though his day, what he was wearing, even how he looked when he was faced with a situation. The story itself was interesting and kept me engaged, wondering where all of this was going. I really enjoyed following Remmy as he grew up, he’s quite the scoundrel!
  
  The humor, oh my word, the humor! I found myself smiling a ton and chuckling often. It’s mostly clean humor with some course language (a little too much for my liking but if curse words don’t bother you, this’ll be just fine) and totally relatable. I thought the narrator did a decent job changing his voice and really getting into the story. There were a few times he seemed a little too hasty and I wished he would have slowed down a titch but it was still good narration overall.
  
  ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
• 
  Melki

  Schaubert's book features a series of swell little vignettes that tell of a life well-lived. Read it, and you will learn why you should never put a combination lock on a privy.
  
  And, I liked this tale so much, I've decided to share it:
  
  For his senior prank, he led three hogs up onto the third floor of the high school . . . and he'd painted a single number on each of those three hogs in bright blue paint: #1, #2, and #4. Took eight hours for them to get out the three little pigs and clean up the shit. Then all of the teachers stayed up till midnight trying to find hog #3.
  
  Dang! Wish I'd thought of that one!
• 
  Ankit Garg

  “Bell Hammers” by Lancelot Schaubert is a fun and humorous story delivering a powerful message. The book can be summarized as a collection of several stories. The characters are loving and realistic. The writing style is excellent, reminiscent of Mark Twain.
  
  Thanks to the author and the publisher for the ARC.
  
  Verdict: Recommended.
  
  Read full review
  here.
• 
  Terry

  Humorous, folksy and charming. Reminiscent of Mark Twain's style of storytelling. As comfortable as a pair of slippers and an easy chair, this read is well worth the time spent.
  
  A review copy was provided by Net Galley and the publishers. This is an honest, unbiased, uncompensated review.
• 
  Louise Wilson

  This book is sometimes humorous but poignant. We learn of Remmy's childhood straight through to his death. All his life he wanted to build Camelot. He dreamed of having a great time with his merry men. Some chapters were a little dragged out. Family play a big part in this story. 5his is a series of stories told from Remmy's perspective. He learned to be a prankster from his grandad so he pranks people. He hates the mineral and soil companies as they messed up the land that he loved. This is a enjoyable read.
  
  I would like to thank NetGalley, the publisher and the author Lancelot Schaubert for my ARC in exchange for an honest review
• 
  Lancelot Schaubert

  Everyone should know that March 14th, the audiobook of BELL HAMMERS comes out. I read it myself, Neil Gaiman style. If you had trouble with the dialect of the prose, THIS is the way to experience the novel: in the original brogue. It'll be available on every platform, so preorder now.
  
  

  BELL HAMMERS emerged from the shadows the year I spelunked my family’s dark and hilarious secrets. I never intended to write historical fiction, but family secrets forced my hand. Like Mary Robinette, I devote most of my writing hours to the speculative fiction genres and so I have only ever intended to write and sell to literary markets under one subversive condition: my literary stories must take place in the same universe as my fantasy and sci-fi stories.

  
  

  Weird dream, sure. But then I started recording my grandpas. And hilarious family secrets including their response to corporate exploitation came out. Funny and sober stories, twinned. Critics have since compared BELL HAMMERS to Mark Twain, John Kennedy Toole, Faulkner, Steinbeck, and some other humor novelists — I guess it makes sense for serious and funny authors both to incarnate my family’s history. I started interviewing them because I wanted to have a record of my grandpas and uncles, learn some life lessons, become a better man, and pay homage to the riverland — and culture — in a way I’ve yet to see in the bookstore. (In some small way, I sort of understand the #OwnVoices critique). That said, I did not expect to hear the phrase “we should have got an attorney” as often as I did. Nor to discover how royally both an oil company and a coal company had pilfered our region, crows on her corpse. Nor, frankly, to learn about the most complicated, wild practical jokes I’ve ever known: hilarious stories my grandpas lived, the poetry of life.

  
  

  

  
  

  Today, I’ll share a few surprises from my research. In the last two years of BOTH of my grandpas lives, my bride Tara and I recorded as many conversations as we could. I’ve taken about twenty or thirty minutes from upwards of forty hours of audio with multiple family members to give you a taste of what this was like: apologies for the audio quality, but both grandpas died during the writing of this, my debut novel. I cannot rerecord them. Would that I could: I’d give the novel back just to have one more day with either right now.

  
  

  You’ll hear first some stories on phone recordings with Grandpa Jerry — how his first telephone had been rigged up on barbed wire out in the country, how they rode into town on a horse and buggy (no car), how they crapped in an outhouse. Southern Illinois, midcentury, mind you. Reflect on the state of your own city around the 1950’s and you’ll start to glimpse how drastically our region got left behind. After that you’ll hear some pranks, a snippet of the night I cooked for all four of my grandparents the previous Christmas, and the last words Pawpaw Deno said to me before he died. Two words: Bloody Williamson. I found Paul Angle’s history book by that title. I’ve never understood the purpose of even semi-scholarly footnotes in a work of fiction until Angle’s book. It and both grandpas’s subtle hints started me on a journey into my family’s darker past as well as their bright, beautiful trickster responses to corporate evil:

  
  

  
  [Listen here]

  
  
  
  https://maryrobinettekowal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/my-favorite-bit-001.mp3
  

  

  
  

  The grandad of my grandad? He handwrote letters to large companies. Here’s an excerpt from BELL HAMMERS that came from one of the interview sessions above:

  
  

  • • •

  
  

  Grandad Patrick wrote a lot of letters in those days. He said you needed to know how to write good letters in case you were ever serving as an ambassador or serving a prison sentence and specially if you were serving a prison sentence as an ambassador. Stationery ran him 10¢ a package, and he’d let Remmy help sometimes to practice his letters or at least he’d read them out loud while Remmy listened and Remmy would just laugh and laugh. He wrote Dodge Motors:

  
  

  The best of all came from the letter he wrote Phillip Morris. He used to smoke Lucky Strike, and he switched for just one day to Marlboro Reds. After tasting them, he got pissed, and his Irish blood kicked in, and he got his letter writing stuff out and said, “Remmy get over here and watch at how it’s done by a professional. This is how you get what you want out of a big old mean company like Phillip Morris.”

  
  

  Dear Sirs,

  
  

  I bought your cigarettes on the 14th of June, this year of our Good Lord, 1948. I wanted smoke and tobacco. You did not give me smoke and tobacco. You gave me hellfire and brimstones. Your cigarettes are without a doubt the worst in the country, this great nation of United States. Your cigarettes are made out of horse shit and alfalfa.

  
  

  With sincerity and great derision,

  
  

  Patrick Dempsey

  
  

  “You wait and see,” Grandad Patrick said.

  
  

  Remmy busied himself for a few weeks, waiting for the return letter from Philip Morris. He detassled some corn, cut up his hands doing it, and then he used a grinder on some old shelves for this old man’s tool shed, got all the rust off of them old steel shelves. He didn’t have to wait long, though.

  
  

  “Remmy! Letter!” Grandad Patrick yelled at him one day through the front door of the mechanic shop Remmy was working inside. Remmy came out and looked over Grandad Patrick’s shoulder as the old man opened the letter.

  
  

  Dear Mr. Dempsey,

  
  

  You tried a cigarette we have made and accused us of filling it with horse shit and alfalfa. We naturally resent this remark: there’s not a damn bit of alfalfa in it.

  
  

  Sincerely,

  
  

  Philip Morris

  
  

  • • •

  
  

  That’s a real letter from Phillip Morris. I also found midcentury resource surveys penned by manufacturing, coal, and oil companies hidden in the Science, Industry, and Business branch of the New York Public Library. I think these surveys should be given back to the Southern Illinois communities these same corporations exploited in order to help rebuild institutional and generational memory among my people. Until that day I did the best I could to make a meager map:

  
  

  

  
  

  I found a way to tie BELL HAMMERS into my broader fantasy and sci fi universe, then sold excerpts. So now I have publication credits in The New Haven Review, The Misty Review, similar markets, and wrote a piece that became a finalist in Glimmer Train’s fiction open. All of these published BELL HAMMERS excerpts both illuminate family and regional history.
• 
  Sarah Jackson

  "Bell Hammers" traces the life of "Remmy", Wilson Remus Broganer from his childhood to end of life, through a series of anecdotes, tall tales, and dubious recollections. Remmy is a wonderful character, set on creating a happy life for himself and the other less fortunate folk. The story is set in a region in Illinois known as Little Egypt, and describes a land of hard working farmers and oil company entrepreneurs.The style of writing is reminiscent of Mark Twain, in that the author liberally uses colloquial expression and clipped sentences."Bell Hammers" is engaging, entertaining, and darn good distraction from all of the horrific COVID-19 news and statistics. Worth a look.
  
  I received a copy of this book through The LibraryThing Early Reviewers group in exchange for a fair and honest review.
• 
  Veronica (Honey Roselea Reads)

  Thank you to BookSirens for providing me an ARC in exchange for an honest review and for Lancelot Schaubert for getting in touch with me.
  
  Bell Hammers is something that I usually don't read as I'm not one to dabble into such humor as this but as I began to read this, I realize that it was not just the humor that was disagreeing with me it was pretty much the whole story. Yes this is the story about William Remus, but truthfully, what story was there? Each chapter was a literal year in his life but I was bored. From the start of the story I really wasn't hooked. The plot usually brings me in but Bell Hammers really didn't do this for me.
  
  I rated Bell Hammers one star precisely for the way I was feeling. I desperately wanted to stick with this book and held myself from dnf-ing this book from an early stage but at some point, I think I realized that this book was not going to continue to get better.
  
  I discovered, while reading this, that there was absolutely zero chemistry. Not just between characters, but in my opinion, between plot and character. William Remus' story was boring and was written out as uneventful. Yet, his life had a lot of events, but the style and the wording just seemed to deprecate his life.
  
  These are my own honest opinions but thank you again to BookSirens for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
  
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• 
  Kate O'Shea

  I loved this audiobook. Not at first because I needed to tune my ear into the accents and the stories are a little whacky to say the least.
  
  But anyway, Bell Hammers tells the story of Wilson Remus (Remy) who has led a somewhat unconventional life. Remember is an entrepreneur from an early age but with one goal in mind - to get together his band of Merry Men, build Camelot, live mainly in peace and pull pranks on those who he feels deserve it.
  
  As he goes through his life the pranks become wilder but through it all he's still looking to find the perfect home for his family and friends.
  
  It sounds innocuous enough but the storytelling is wonderful and the narration is superb. Remy is a character you won't forget in a hurry and I'd happily read more of Lancelot Schaubert's work on the back of this novel.
  
  A fun but aspirational piece of work.
• 
  Christina

  Thanks to Netgalley for the advanced audio book in exchange for my honest review.
  
  In this novel we follow the life of Wilson Remus (Remmy) from 6 to 80 years old. Written as a retelling of mischievous, hilarious, and fantastic stories told to his grandson (the author).
  
  I have always enjoyed hearing stories about the "good ol' days" from the elders in my life and thus thoroughly enjoyed the author sharing his grandfather's gems. It was narrated well and written with a genuine voice that had me laughing out loud on multiple occasions.
• 
  Anneliese Grassi

  Unfortunately, I had a really hard time with this book. I was intrigued by the subject and it seemed interesting (think Robin Hood and pranks), however, the book just never went anywhere for me. The first couple of pages were funny and it pulled me in, but then it just kind of dragged on as I was waiting for something more and found myself struggling to get through it. To me, it seemed like a bunch of stuff just thrown together to make a book, which in a sense I guess it was since the book was created with stories from the author’s family and growing up in that area, but that just made it all over the place for me. I did find the last 75 pages the most entertaining and where most of the excitement was. I didn’t hate the book (once I got to the end) but it was very difficult for me to get through. Not an easy read in my opinion.
  
  The writing style was not an issue for me, I found it endearing, and I did not mind the “Good Lord” references throughout the book, I found that refreshing. Overall, I didn’t quite enjoy it as much as I thought I would and was a little disappointed. Not my typical read but I’m sure others will enjoy it!
• 
  Linda

  This story is told from a boy named Remmy and the life he lead in Southern Illinois. It’s told in a whimsical way, that you feel like your there with him. It’s a different genre for me but I really liked it.
• 
  Kelly

  Bell Hammers: The True Folk Tale of Little Egypt
  by Lancelot Schaubert
  
  About the Book:
  
  Remmy and Beth grow up in Bellhammer, Illinois during the time that oil and coal companies rob the land, stripping if of everything that made it paradise.
  
  Remmy’s Grandad teaches him how to pull outrageous pranks on his neighbors, friends, and foes. Under his Daddy’s guidance he starts a construction company, which depends on contracts from the Texarco Oil Company.
  
  Remmy has a fascination with “Robin Hood”, castles, and a round table. He builds his on band of “merry men” carpenters.
  
  Then a faulty Texarco Oil derrick falls down on their house and poisons their neighborhood’s well.
  When Texarco refuses to take responsibility for the poisoned well, Remmy hatches a plan that results in one prank after another, until he and his merry men pull the “world’s greatest prank”.
  
  My Review:
  
  Remmy is an endearing character, whom I cared about and rooted for from the very beginning of the story. His quirky personality was often humorous.
  
  Lancelot Schaubert’s writing took the reader into the past and spanned the life of Remmy in Bellhammer, Illinois from 1941 through 2012. His writing brought clear feelings of nostalgia to the reader. Remmy and Beth took the reader back to simpler times that showed no times were without their troubles. The author did an excellent job capturing the dialogue of the time and area as well.
  
  Remmy also often spoke to the “Good Lord” in ways that sometimes seemed to mock God. He also heard the “Good Lord” speak to him, and he didn’t always listen to or properly interpret what the “Good Lord” told him to do, just like any flawed, sinful human being. Remmy learned many lessons throughout the book and his life.
  
  Lancelot Schaubert did an excellent job portraying a neighborhood’s struggle with big companies in another place and time. He made it relatable and entertaining. His sharing of true events, and maybe some familial myths, stir feelings of nostalgia, comradery, sympathy, and empathy, even as they occasionally make the reader laugh out loud.
  
  This story does include profanity and crude humor as well. However, if you are a history buff or a person who enjoys cheering for the underdog, I recommend you read Bell Hammers.
  
  I give this story 4 stars.
• 
  Kendra

  Bell Hammers is a wonderfully fun and delivers a powerful message as well. A child's dream and how it shapes the way he views and interacts with his world. The people you meet along the way bring depth and perspective on the times while drawing you into their world. An enjoyable and worthy read.
  
  Thank you to the author for providing a review copy. This is an honest and uncompensated review.
• 
  Kymberly

  Reading Bell Hammers felt as if I were on the sidelines of a family gathering where they were reminiscing about the past; the good, the bad and the ugly. The story is multi-generational. The characters were real with a touch of exaggeration. Like any good story told through the years, parts are forgotten and left out, other parts are exaggerated to provide more laughter. It's not lying it's story-telling. This was a very enjoyable read.
• 
  Kristy Hurst

  Oh what a life!
  
  I was drawn to this book because I was born in Illinois and lived my first six years in the country between Louisville & Clay City. Still have lots of family there. The stories and language are all relatable. It is wonderfully written and entertaining. I laughed often.
  
  I was blessed to win my kindle copy in a giveaway on Goodreads. #giveaways
• 
  Bonnye Reed

  I received a free electronic ARC of this historical novel from Netgalley, Lancelot Schaubert, and IBPA. Thank you all for sharing your hard work with me. I have read this novel of my own volition, and this review reflects my honest opinion of this work. In a style all of his own, Schaubert brings us the poignant history of a town, a family, that is crystal clear in minute vignettes of time and place through the eyes of youngster Wilson Remus Broganer.
  
  Remmy is 6 years old when his story begins in Bell Hammers. Bell Hammer is a very small place, the oil fields of Texarco just about the only employer around and the employees are badly treated and often robbed of time or money or both. We have a chapter for each year, as seen through the eyes of this youngster who is sharp and funny and wise beyond his years.
  
  As a Southwesterner, Illinois has always rested in my mind cleanly in the north and the east, but this story is true southern from the git-go. It is a wild ride between angst and laughter, and these protagonists are quickly included among your friends and family. You will want to read this book. This time, this place is picture-perfect and heartfelt. Schaubert is an author to follow.
  
  pub date Oct 12, 2020
  Independent Book Publishers Association
  CHANGE TO DIGITAL
  Reviewed on Goodreads and Netgalley on March 14, 2020.
• 
  Kaye

  Seeing the reactions of other reviewers, I'm clearly in the minority of Bell Hammers' readers. Net Galley sent me an advance readers copy some time ago, and I picked it up every few weeks to read a chapter or two. I could never engage.
  
  Partly it was the use and misuse of the southern Illinois dialect. Although the author, Lancelot Schaubert, discusses its use at some length (and in quite academic terms) in an afterword, it seemed folksy and contrived and affected, perhaps because it was used too broadly.
  
  By the time I finally reached the end of the book, where Schaubert devotes quite a few pages to a defense of his methods and to a recap between Remmy and God, I was done in more ways than one.
  
  I think the book was meant to be playful. Maybe my failure to join the mood was colored by the fact that the author kept e-mailing me! He had obtained my email address from NetGalley, and repeatedly cajoled me (and I'm sure other recipients of ARCs) with reminders and solicitations to READ HIS BOOK. Bad form!
  
  Addendum, 2 weeks after posting: Still getting almost-daily emails from this author (many days TWO emails)! I long ago blocked him, but he still shows up in my spam filter. Taking off another point out of sheer annoyance.
• 
  J

  Reading Bell Hammers is like sitting in your grandma and grandpa's kitchen listening to them and their siblings tell old stories. Which makes perfect sense since this is the story of Remmy's life as told by his grandson.
  
  Remmy is a rascal who loves pranks, a skill he learned from his grandpa. He also has a dream to live surrounded by his friends and family in the Little Egypt region of Illinois. Each chapter gives us a small slice of his life. Most of the stories are humorous and entertaining. But the author also included some heartbreaking and serious moments as well. My favorite part of the novel was Remmy's conversations with God. This relationship made Remmy a more well-rounded character.
  
  I am sure this was the author's intent, but some parts of the story were left vague and this frustrated me. I cared so much that I wanted to know exactly what happened. This was especially true in the last few chapters of the book.
  
  Remmy was a fun-loving man who suffered his own heartbreak and at times caused heartbreak to others. He was a larger than life man seen through the lens of a loving grandson. I am so glad the author shared him with the world.
  
  I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
• 
  Priya

  Bell hammers is a humour filled entertaining read set in Southern Illinois, and focuses on the life of Remmy from his adolescence to the end of his life tracing every stage of his life from childhood, adulthood, married life, and ends with his death.
  
  This book is a collection of series of anecdotes, tall tales. Remmy from his childhood enjoyed playing pranks on people where few were fun-filled while some are unpleasant. It shows his creative ways of money-making and how he started the house building company and his hatred towards the oil companies which affected the land he loved the most.
  
  The story unfolds how Remmy's large scale prank on oil companies affected everyone in the community in a negative way and had serious repercussions. The story is filled with humour and a few heartfelt scenes.
  
  The narration of the story is very good and the pace is decent. The language is lucid and simple enough. I enjoyed reading this book a lot and I recommend it to everyone.
  
  Thanks author Lancelot Schaubert and booksirens for the ARC
• 
  Monika

  One of a kind book that tells serious issues in a funny way. While reading the first chapter, i knew how special the main character Remus is. Humorous and heartfelt throughout. The relationship between Remus and relatives is very relatable. It was bit dragged in some chapters, but I loved the use of local slang and scenarios by the author. Surprisingly i found the language mimicking some classic authors. Well thought and more pressing than I thought it would be!
  Thank you NetGalley, Lancelot Schaubert for reader’s copy of the book. The review is my own and was not influenced in any way.
• 
  Sharon Rogers

  Bell Hammers is beautifully written with a really distinctive voice which engages you from the first sentence. Really enjoyable narrative and prose, a real page turner.