Staying Power: Building a Stronger Marriage When Life Sends Its Worst by Carol Kent

Staying Power: Building a Stronger Marriage When Life Sends Its Worst Reviews

• 
  Shauna Letellier

  The authors and their marriages have survived crises that would cause most marriages to crumble. Their godly wisdom is drawn from long-term heartache and decades of marital tenacity.
  
  The book is filled with true stories, tips, strategies and biblical hope for staying together in a healthy way through horrific trials. In some of the stories shared, the marriages did crumble but were able to be rebuilt.
  
  It's important to note that the authors do not address the crises the come from within a marriage such as infidelity, addiction, and so many others. The stories shared in this book are from marriages that have survived outside stressors like dealing with addicted or incarcerated children, long-term caregiving for vulnerable family members, or a shocking diagnosis.
  
  I was encouraged by the honesty and the lack of "sugar-coating." Life and marriage is a rough ride, but this book is a general field guide to staying on track together.
  
  I received an advanced copy of this book. I was not required to write a favorable review, but it is my great pleasure to do so.
• 
  Peg Arnold

  Carol and Gene Kent’s new book Staying Power is a real, raw, and encouraging book for couples. It’s filled with stories and practical tools to help you work through those difficult seasons and become stronger on the other side. This is a book to read no matter what season of marriage you are experiencing
• 
  PollyAnna Joy

  Staying Power by Carol Kent, Gene Kent, David Lambert, and Cindy Lambert is a book EVERY married couple should be REQUIRED to read. I honestly felt as if they had been inside my home or as if they had had mini cameras in my home. Some of the stories came straight out of my marriage. On one side, it is encouraging to know that my husband and I are not the only couples going through tough times. On the other side, it's heart-wrenching to know that so many married couples of today give up in the tough times. It is truly nothing short of a miracle that my husband and I are still married. We continue to struggle, but with books like STAYING POWER, we are able to see that there is more hope than I originally thought. I am truly thankful I have had an opportunity to read STAYING POWER. I plan on sharing it with every single married couple I know as well as with couples planning on getting married.
• 
  Anne Denmark

  Staying Power is a gift for all couples. It is beautifully written with stunning impact! Two couples use four voices to skillfully weave together raw stories that will renew your hope through the pages of this safe and sacred place. Definitely a reread kind of book with doable steps and handy go-to resources.
• 
  Jodi Rosser

  How do you respond when life sends its worst? Do you reach out to others or withdraw? Does it make your relationships stronger or cause a division? This book is a must read for all couples. It is full of God Stories of when life is hard, and God shows up big and helps deepens their faith! I believe our greatest struggles can become fertile ground for God to grow our roots deep. This happens individually and in relationships, which is what this book talks about. I highly recommend this book; it is full of hope and encouragement.
  
  If you want to hear more about this book, you can check out my conversation with Carol & Gene Kent and Cindy & Dave Lambert on episode 119 on the Depth Podcast.
  https://jodirosser.com/depth-podcast-...
• 
  Brenda Yoder

  Staying Power is one of the most honest books on marriage and family struggles. As a counselor I’ve found few resources in the faith community that hits the hardest challenges of marriage. Staying Power meets the broken dreams of marriage and family with realistic tools to face family stress.
• 
  Angie Fehl

  Staying Power presents itself in a pretty standard self-help format. Long-married couples Carole & Gene Kent and Cindy & David Lambert bring together doctors, writers, editors, bloggers, speakers, etc from the Christian community to discuss various common stressors that can challenge otherwise seemingly successful marriages and how to successfully combat them. These contributors share personal stories of hardships within their own relationships, as do the Kents and Lamberts, with the idea that each is supposed to have a "what can we take away from this?" teaching / reflection moment for the readers at the end, closing each chapter with discussion questions. These question lists are labeled "For Couples or Small Groups", potentially making it a useful tool during bible study discussions. Periodically, there will also be Statement Inventory Checklists, a list of statements couples can read aloud and see how true they ring, as a kind of relationship health barometer, and hopefully encourage deeper discussion on these topics (Examples: "I feel guilty when I relax." "We don't seem to face crises with the same intensity.")
  
  *Note: At the back of the book, a blurb is provided on all the contributors detailing their individual professional pet projects or businesses.
  
  The authors point out that while there are plenty of marriage help books out there offering tips on how to navigate problems within a relationship, Staying Power focuses its attention on external challenges that can put relationships to the test, things out of a couple's control such as job layoffs, death, difficult family members causing tension between people, incarcerated family members, health challenges, etc. The book also touches upon situations such as potential clashings around newly blended families or, as in the case of one story here, empty-nester parents once looking forward to easing into retirement years now finding themselves raising their granddaughter because the girl's parents have once again fallen into drug addiction and are unable to properly care for her.
  
  Some thoughts on a few of the other stories:
  
  * The first story --- the husband seems to have a history of emotionally withdrawing from his wife when it comes to difficult or traumatic situations, such as with the loss of his brother, when he turned to a friend for support and comforting instead of his spouse .... and yet when the wife later voices her hurt over this repeated turning away from her, the authors label that as her "narcissism"?
  
  And I gotta say, I felt for the kids in the background of some of these stories, such as these two:
  
  * Kristen & Dan -- They're describing their son struggling with depression and self-harm and Kristen seems to make it about her and how "stressful and inconvenient" their son's mental illness is on their marriage. Sure, they end up helping him, but their support (or at least Kim's) felt like it came with a grudge.
  
  * Margie & Rico -- Rico's son from his first marriage is kicked out of the mother's house (Rico's ex), so rather than try to understand why Rico might not want his son out in the world homeless, Margie throws a tantrum over the kid living with them, resulting in her smashing Rico's favorite mug against a wall and slicing his hand. I can understand being ruffled by the short notice and inconvenience of it all, but her reaction was wildly over the top.
  
  Regarding some of the tips and tricks offered:
  
  The concept of "pre-decisions" is nice in theory, but to me it seems unrealistic in practice. The idea is that you make these decisions on how to handle a situation before problems even happen so that you never have to worry about emotions escalating too far. But c'mon. Automatically forgive? Promise not to lash out in anger? Promise to always apologize first and admit you're wrong? (But what if I'm not?) Tell yourself "I won't act or speak as if the sky is falling." (Sometimes it DOES feel as if the sky is falling in the moment.)....
  This is supposed to work for all heated moments across the board? I can't see it. Not if you're human. Humans are flawed. Sometimes we ARE going to overreact. Sometimes it will be hard to forgive right away. Each couple will be unique in their history together that might play into the level of emotions with the current argument. I just feel like these things can't be pre-remedied so easily as that.
  
  Oh, and then there's this little gem: "I will respond tenderly to my spouse's needs. When my spouse asks something of me --- whether it be affection, attention, resources of some kind, time, patience, forgiveness -- I will assume that the most important thing at that moment is meeting that need. When at all possible, I will set aside whatever else I'm doing and focus single-mindedly on my spouse's need."
  
  Again, in theory, sounds nice. But as a married woman I know that some days when your spouse does you dirty, you just want to be mad for awhile, and in my mind, there's no harm in just keeping to yourself for a moment if it will help the relationship down the road. If my spouse has made a royal mess of something... nope, sorry, I'm likely not going to go out of my way to bend over backwards to cater to his needs right in that moment. I'm gonna let him sweat awhile while I quietly figure out how to clean up the mess. I'm allowed to be hurt. I'm allowed to backburner his immediate needs & wants in that moment while I collect my inner self and try to figure out where to go from there.
  
  All that said, I DO agree with the other half of the "Pre-Decisions" list -- things like "I will persevere through failure," "I will not expect my spouse to read my mind," "I will accept my spouse as he or she is," "I will address concerns openly." Readers are also given anger management tips in chapters like "Anger is Not the Enemy", where it's suggested to use "I" statements to calmly air grievances, count to ten, practice patience, etc (you know, the therapy classics) or, as in the chapter "Forgive Freely", what you might try if you're not quite at the point of being ready to forgive. I wholeheartedly agree with principles shared in the chapter "The Right Word at the Right Time", things like
  
  * avoid public criticism of your spouse (no bashing on social media or at parties, for example)
  * be your spouse's defender if someone else is speaking critically of them
  * whenever possible, share praise and congratulations given to you (if your partner helped you with a project, make sure their contribution is known to whoever is thanking or praising you)
  * freely give words of praise / admiration to your spouse
  * regularly practice gratitude & respect for spouse
  
  The flow of writing is nice, though it was sometimes a challenge keeping all the rotating contributors straight. The topics are thought-provoking, and I like how the overall message is meant to come back to different ways to remind your spouse "we're on the same team"... but that idea didn't always translate well for me, at least not with the example stories they chose to feature here. In several of the scenarios, while there is a lot of "we" being passed around, it often seemed like the resolution came after the woman apologized, while the guy seemed to get away with a backrub, cup of coffee and a "well, as long as you know" smile. To me, it rang very old-school (as in, outdated) Christian marriage structure which ultimately chafed me a bit as a millennial not yet through her first decade of marriage. All that was missing was a "You're the best, doll." LOL
  
  At the back of the book is an Appendix section which includes "Crisis Helpsheets" --- easy-reference bulletpointed lists for how to handle stressful situations such as children with chronic illness or disability, infertility struggles, death of friends or family members, surviving a financial upset, or approaching the topic of eldercare. The authors even include a list for parents of LGBTQ children, encouraging the motto of "Empathize. Advocate. Protect." Impressive! They further encourage parents to remain loving, patient, open-hearted AND open-minded to what their children have to say. Beautiful!
  
  *Note to Readers: This book contains spoilers for the film adaptation of The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro.
  
  FTC DISCLAIMER: Revell Publishing kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The opinions above are entirely my own.
• 
  Shirley Alarie

  Hold your marriage together through a storm.
  
  How do you hold your marriage together when it’s tested due to a circumstance beyond your control? Married couples Carol and Gene Kent and Cindy and David Lambert use their own experiences, plus those of other couples, to answer that difficult question. Examples include health struggles, incarceration of a child, infertility, death of a child, and raising grandchildren.
  
  The foundation for marital success through a challenge is keeping God in the mix. As described, God is the third strand of a strong cord. Staying Power describes twelve keys to success that range from Forgiving Freely to Guilt-Free Time Out and The Strength of Weakness. Each topic includes an inspirational true story, followed by applicable and actionable steps that will help a struggling couple. Each chapter ends with reflection through a series of questions. Helpful resources at the end of the book are specific to different crises.
  
  How this book affected me:
  After dealing with infertility in my own marriage, I can understand how these situations that are beyond our control can tear marriages apart. I found all the stories of couples who found their way through very difficult circumstances to be very inspiring.
  
  Who would enjoy this book:
  The focus of Staying Power is on marriages that are facing turmoil from factors beyond their control, as explained within the review. Married couples that are facing such a crisis or the aftermath of one would benefit from this book. Married couples who’ve grown apart and are considering divorce after a crisis might be able to save their marriage by reading this book.
  
  Our Christian Book Reviews:
  The book reviews at Finding God Among Us focus on Christian books - adult and children, fiction and nonfiction. We're proud to be included in the Top 50 Christian Book Review Bloggers. I chose to read an ARC from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group. This review is my honest opinion.
• 
  Benjamin Liles

  It is a very interesting thing to me just how long my wife and I have been married. For a total of eleven years together, as a married couple we've been through some amazing things together. It takes a lot for couples to even begin to stay the course, as it may be, any more. In this day and age, what with Coronavirus (COVID-19, a SARS-like disease) spreading and killing some, things are even more tough and difficult. What will help in a time like this?
  
  For starters, couples who claim that Jesus Christ is their center ought to be able to prove it with His Holy Spirit. As Paul says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires" (Galatians 5:22-24, New American Standard).
  
  In regards to the Kents and Lamberts who have written this wonderful book, I find it a fresh breath in helping married couples remain so: married and able to traverse rough waters. The Kent's alone prove that things can hit at a wrong moment in time, as in the case with their son who was facing murder charges. Sometimes things happen and we either deal with them in the light and grace of God's mercy, or we falter and lose hope.
  
  My take on this book is that it is a great tool for married couples to both read together as well as on their own. That way both people can have their views on what will work, and areas that need to be worked out. It is my hope and prayer that with this review of Revell's latest book, which I received complimentary, is both fair and accurate.
• 
  Jill

  The purpose of Staying Power, as defined by the authors early in the reading, was to write to couples encountering challenges.  The authors were determined to aid in strengthening marriages during times of difficulties rather than weaken, as many do. The challenges they targeted were not those that come from inside the marriages, such as infidelity and gambling, but rather those that arise from outside like illness, raising a grandchild or, as the authors encountered, having an incarcerated loved one.  As you read this book, be prepared to hear a lot about the incarceration of the authors’ son.  This theme arises frequently as they seek to use their personal experiences, and the experiences of others to navigate the “staying power” needed to weather the outside storms.
  
  Particularly standing out in this read were the positive uses of anger.  Every person, couple, human experiences anger.  Anger can be used to provide motivation, teach you something about yourself, and become a catalyst for communication.  The authors do a great job of enabling the reader to understand their key points by providing real life examples to solidify the content in the minds of those who decide to pick up a copy of this book.  Other great takeaways from this read are the lessons in choosing the right words, and ideas for providing thoughtful gestures for your loved ones in times of extreme challenge. 
  However, the excessive number of authors, and their changing view points and storytelling, causes the reader to flip to the back of the book again and again in hopes of keeping them all straight.  This inclusion of four authors, two sets of married couples, didn’t seem to add value to the story line.
  
  *Disclaimer: A review copy was provided by the publisher.  All opinions are my own.
• 
  Vicki

  You’re married, minding your own business when BAM! life hits you out of nowhere like a pro football offensive tackle. Are you ready for it? Is there a way to prepare your marriage for all the crazy situations able to knock you flat and take you out of the game? In Staying Power: Building a Stronger Marriage when Life sends its Worst, Carol & Gene Kent and Cindy & David Lambert give us practical and tangible helps for real life situations. They interviewed numerous married couples who faced devastating challenges that could have torn them apart. But with the Grace of God and a determination to stay these husbands and wives remained united, finding a deeper level of endurance and creativity in dealing with the worst that life gave them. From the first page to the last I was impressed with the candidness and authenticity this pair of authors approached their own stories of staying power and the real Hope that’s found in Jesus Christ.
  I highly recommend this book for couples and small groups as well as the spouse who is trying to hold it together alone. Every chapter ends with great discussion questions and also offers doable tasks to help with anger, forgiveness, and using our words to heal and not hurt, to name a few.
  This is a marriage book that belongs in every library. I’ll be getting one for each of my married children. Yes, it’s that good!
  
• 
  Sarah Sisson

  I was so excited to read Staying Power, as I've seen Carol Kent speak many times and read her other books. I admire her authenticity and the ways she encourages others through her story. This book did not disappoint! Staying Power is full of the practical tips and powerful biblical guidance that I've come to expect from Carol Kent, who co-authored this book with her husband, Gene, and friends David and Cindy Lambert.
  
  Staying Power covers what to do when you and your spouse must face a crisis such as infertility, health challenges, financial difficulties, grief, parenting trials, or addiction. It encourages couples with wisdom and step-by-step strategies for rebuilding and strengthening their marriage.
  
  My favorite tips include those for helping couples communicate more clearly and compassionately (including using silence wisely), as well as advice that spurs couples to use the power of serving while suffering. Staying Power is aptly named as it is a powerful book that attacks common issues in unique ways that are applicable to real life.
  
  If your marriage is struggling (and whose isn't at some point or another?), give this book a try. The wisdom offered can point you in the right direction and help your marriage survive the storm!
  
• 
  Christine Ferris

  “Staying Power” is hands-down the best marriage book my husband and I have read together. It will continue to be a go-to resource in every challenging season we face. The subtitles break the chapters into bite-size chunks that my husband and I enjoyed as part of our morning devotions. The stories and questions are great conversation starters and sparked many meaningful discussions.
  
  Gene and Carol Kent and Dave and Cindy Lambert have done an excellent job of crafting a concise and complete tool kit to strengthen and fortify marriages for the tough times that are sure to come. The power-packed principles serve as a compass that help you navigate past trauma and present struggles. These hope-filled pages have truly inspired us to be more intentional in our daily interactions and to serve each other more faithfully and selflessly in ways that help and encourage each other.
  
  The transparency and vulnerability of the authors is truly unique and the stories shared are captivating and impactful. Every marriage will benefit from reading this book! We plan to keep a supply on hand for wedding and anniversary gifts.
  
• 
  Theodene

  “I take thee to be my wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part…” Yes, many of us have said those words, or something similar on that sacred wedding day. The happiest day of our lives, right?
  
  But life goes on after that blissful day. We experience hardships we never imagined we would. How are we to endure it all? How are we to move forward?
  
  When life sends the worst tragedies, nightmares, there is a way through it according to Staying Power by Carol & Gene Kent and Cindy & David Lambert. The two couples share their personal struggles as well as challenges of people they know in order to tell readers how even they can get through tough times together with their spouse.
  
  The authors share how through leaning on Christ and their church community, they are able to overcome their setbacks. This doesn’t n they gave up or that times are simple. These couples band together to push through their difficulties.
  
  Staying Power book launch showed up in my inbox. While my spouse seems to think everything is fine and dandy, I heartily disagree! As a book about building a stronger marriage, I felt this would be beneficial for me (okay, both of us). We may not be experiencing rough times right now, isn’t it better to be prepared?
  
  This book was offered complimentary in exchange for an honest review. Books, Lattes and Tiaras gives Staying Power five out of five tiaras. I recommend all couples before or during marriage to read this book!
• 
  Susan Mead

  How many of us have weathered a (MANY!) storms in our marriages yet we feel worse off for the storm instead of closer through the storm?
  
  The decisions we make at those critical times makes a huge and lasting impact on your relationship and love you feel for each other. Two couples share the challenges and guidance so critical to helping us survive in our marriages.
  
  I promise you there are nuggets for everyone in Staying Power, so I recommend you read this book TODAY, if you want your marriage to thrive!
• 
  Misty Farias

  I was given this book for review. Let me start by saying I appreciate the authors' hearts, I think they really are trying to help people make their marriage better. Why only two stars? The book to me was very PREACHY and it also seems to assume that your spouse has the exact same level of faith development you do. That would be nice, but not really realistic. I did like the worksheets for specific situations that occur in marriages at the end of the book. I think it just wasn't the right fit for me. Maybe if you and your partner are exactly equally yolked this book would be helpful.
• 
  victoria

  This book was remarkable writing, encouraging and compelling to read with that also challenging us to understand more deep detail of marriage life from the other couple experience compare with you and how must more that they need each other to become more powerful of two persons willing to pass all the struggle in life that power must be better that one alone. I highly recommend to everyone must read this book. “ I received complimentary a copy of this book from Revell Reads for this review”.
  
• 
  Melissa Henderson

  Excellent resource for all couples. Filled with examples of true life situations, honest emotions, and ways to interact during times of crisis, this is a great book.