Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World by Jessica Valenti

Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World Reviews

• 
  Caitlyn

  It took me four months to finally finish this book. Not because I thought it wasn't good, but because these essays were so powerful and personal that sometimes it became too much to keep going without a break. Sexual assault, rape, workplace harassment, sexism, and racism are heavy topics, but each of these writers leads a fearless charge to protect women from violence and show how the world needs to start believing their stories if we ever want to see true systemic change in our justice system, workplace, schools, and homes. This is also very timely reading for the #MeToo Movement and the Black Lives Matter Movement.
• 
  Stacey

  This book does a really wonderful job of capturing a wide expanse of issues that all connect to this same question: What would happen if we trust women? It’s good to read this one in small bites, as each short essay packs a powerful punch.
• 
  Katie

  This collection of essays was so varied; I thought it did an excellent job of representing many women's voices. I was especially affected by the essay about a woman veteran with a service dog, and how she is continuously not believed and not respected for her right to a service dog.
• 
  Bryn Lerud

  I read this for Feminist Book Club. It's a book of essays concerning the importance of believing women's stories about abuse. I have an idea. Why don't men just stop raping women?
• 
  Jenni

  Believe Me is an intense read. All of its essays, written by a wide variety of authors, illustrate issues that touch everyone when we don't trust women, from advancements in health care to the pipeline from domestic abuse/sexual harassment to school shootings. Much of it is sad in hindsight: we can look back at reports and political movements by women, and go, "oh, I guess they were right back then..." It's an investigation into what it means to be believed, and who gets to be believed, in the United States particularly. As much as there is a backlash against "cancel culture," one of the authors reminds us that it took over 80 women until anyone took accusations against Harvey Weinstein seriously enough, whereas his word against the women was enough for a long time.
  
  What I found remarkable was how such a short book has all these essays civilly debate among each other: as an example, one author addresses the issue of how white men are often voted in to leadership roles in anti-harassment and anti-rape organization, and the well-intentioned approaches often focus not on preventing harassment or rape by incentivizing good bystander ("see something, say something") behavior and building a safe environment, instead focusing on how the victim can more easily report issues after the fact. This essay is followed by a man writing about his experiences doing anti-sexual-harassment work, and how it absolutely sucks that often, the only way to make people believe women is to have a white man say the same thing.
  
  Likewise, the book contains criticism of white feminism, which often forgets to take into account dangerous sexism combined with racism that Black women face, such as that resulting in devastating numbers of Black women not being treated appropriately by doctors - studies show, that medical professionals believe (note: believe, not "have evidence of") that Black women can handle pain better than White women, and that they also exaggerate their symptoms more. This is a deadly combination. Samantha Irby's essay on finally getting diagnosed with Crohn's disease is both heartbreaking and in her usual style, humorous: Irby, with no history of drug abuse, was asked by her doctor whether she was just exaggerating her symptoms to get pain killers, only to sheepishly attend to her once the MRI showed that she truly had a problem.
  
  A very illuminating, engaging read.
• 
  Max

  As an AFAB (assigned female at birth) person, I expected to not be surprised by most of the information in this book. #MeToo happened in high school and early college for me, so I've been steeped in dialog about rape culture and creating safe spaces for women since I started looking outside my small-town bubble for political conversations. But I found that I learned much more than I bargained for about black women, disabled women, women in the porn industry, women at the beginning of rape crisis centers, women in the age of "hysteria" (a diagnostic predecessor to PTSD as one essay taught me), and immigrant women who all struggle to be believed when they raise their voices.
  
  This collection is also not just about sexual assault -- it's about women's rights to be heard when voicing pain, asking for help, asking for their point of view to be taken seriously, asking for the world to be crafted with women in mind, and asking to be seen as equal to men in spaces where that's a perfectly reasonable request.
  
  I would definitely recommend this as required reading for all feminists to broaden our views of womanhood. I would also recommend this to men who are seeking to be better allies to women and advocate for their right to be believed; there are several essays written by men that provide a valuable, relatable perspective for you, too.
• 
  Momily

  At first I felt that the essays were all very similar and covered the same topics; however, the farther I got into the book the more I enjoyed it. I loved the different styles-- letters, comics, interviews-- and the different topics covered. I felt like I learned something about different cultures, races, occupations, and genders, yet connect on the topic of believing women. Believing women does not only relate to sexual assault, but also the health care field, immigration, and workplace. Reading of the different experiences was saddening, but knowing that these authors, as well as others, are hoping to change how the world sees women* is hopeful.
  
  *including female-identifying and nonbinary folks
• 
  Maria

  “For survivors and our communities, the personal is more than political: it lights the path toward a more just, peaceful future that holds a diverse, expansive potential to restructure political power.”
  Sabrina Hersi Issa
  
  Essays on believing women. Some of them were really really good.
• 
  Karena

  great collection of essays. Well rounded.
• 
  Rachel Bartz

  Such an amazing, important read detailing powerful essays by activists and survivors. I found myself taking notes every page or so.
• 
  mjraves

  such an important book!! review coming soon
• 
  Mel

  An interesting collection of essays on gender based violence and women’s place in society. Very pleased to see essays on trans rights, sometimes missing from supposedly feminist books. A good overview of essays and introduction to lots of different authors you may not have heard of before, enabling you to spiral even further down your TBR pile.
• 
  Kelly

  Very important topic that I usually enjoy reading about. I had to renew this and force myself through it, though. I don't want to give it lower than 3 stars because of the subject matter and the fact that there is nothing wrong with the writing. It felt more like an assignment for school as opposed to the page turner that I was more in the mood for. Still, an important work in the genre.
• 
  Amy

  Preaching to the choir with this one but would also love for people who are misinformed about the term "believe women" to read
• 
  Allison Sylviadotter

  I would have given this book 5 stars if it hadn't pandered to males. Several of the essays are written by trans-identified males, which to me makes no sense in a book about the systematic oppression of women (females) in society. The trans-identified males repeatedly equate themselves with the exact same oppression as women of colour, which is not only sexist but racist. Women of colour are not male, they are female and experience oppression at the intersection of race and sex, which a male does not. A male cannot understand that, and cannot (and definitely should not) speak on their behalf.
  
  While a huge fan of the co-editor Valenti and her feminist writings, her counterpart Friedman (upon investigation) has fought against women's safe spaces, women-only groups, women-only changing rooms and restrooms, and has a disturbing obsession with trans-identified males and their sex lives. She calls them a "women with a penis" as if that's normal. She thinks trans women are literal women, again no. Trans women are trans, it's a modifier that cannot be overlooked. Women deserve spaces without male anatomy in them, without people with male socialisation, without people with male behaviour, and without male entitlement.
  
  This unnecessary addition of male voices in a book about women's struggles is misguided at best, damaging at worst. That said, the women that contributed to this book did a STUNNING job. I would recommend this book (regardless of the problem of males speaking in a space that should be for women only.)
• 
  Susan Bazzett-Griffith

  3.5 stars, rounded up. As with all essay collections, there were some that I enjoyed more than others in this collection, but all of essays circled back to the main theme of the anthology quite well, painting a depresseing picture of current reality and a not even utopian, but simply BETTER, vision of an alternative reality wherein women are believed as the default instead of men. Some essays had me weeping, some furious, a couple of them were a little dull-- I had to read this book over the course of a couple of months. While a couple from the beginning about Dr. Ford's testimony during the Kavanaugh hearings stayed with me the best, the essay about Samantha Irby and her experiences of dealing with doctors and nurses who are inclined to disbelieve patients about their own bodies hit me the hardest- it was the most raw to me, even though there were essays much more graphic and violent in nature. Just not being believed even about our own bodies by the people we need to trust to help us heal them- that was powerful. I reread a couple of the pieces, but mostly because heavier non-fiction subject material, especially about topics that feel so personal, are exhausting to me at this point in 2021. Beyond that, though, the book is an excellent collection, and everyone who has enjoyed other work by Valenti will likely enjoy this collection she edited.
• 
  Cindy

  This was a beautiful book of essays. Many resonated with me on a deep level, pulling me into their world. Many gave me a new perspective, adding nuance to my understanding of the issues discussed rather than a rehash of information I'm already familiar with. Some didn't quite manage to pull me in, but that's okay - they are bound to resonate with someone else, and I listened to what they had to offer.
  
  Some of the essays that stood out to me in particular include:
  Gossip Is an English Word by Sarah Deer and Bonnie Clairmont, about the power of truth telling in the face of sexual violence, particularly in Native American communities)
  The Room Where It Happened by Dahlia Lithwick (about Christine Blasey Ford's testimony, about the role that bystanders play)
  He's Unmarked, She's Marked by Julia Serrano (about our unconcious bias, based in linguist theory, around the things that seem normal/right are seen as unmarked, while those that are atypical/unexpected capture our attention)
  Do Not Pet by Anuradha Bhagwati (about not being believed about invisible disabilities, stemming from sexual violence)
  Reproductive Justice by Cherise Scott (about how reproductive justice can fit within a spiritual context)
• 
  lily

  This was a well-put together book of essays on believing women and how it can change the world for the better. It's not a surprise that believing women is a key to improving society and we've (almost) always are on the right side of things. In my unbiased opinion as a woman, anyway.
  
  But this book of essays was great. The authors did a wonderful job of getting essays from diverse backgrounds and viewpoints. I felt like a lot of perspectives were included, some of which I hadn't considered.
  
  I will say I had hoped it wouldn't fully be centered around the Brett Kavanaugh "trial" but I understand how this event was a major catalyst for the movement. I initially thought it'd be about believing women in general, throughout history, versus how it's important after this specific event occurred. But in order to capture readers I think it was an important stylistic choice, which doesn't take away from the effectiveness or impact of the book.
  
  tl;dr: read this book...everyone read it. It's worth a read. Also inspires some anger and frustration and the never ending question of when will the justice system & society catch up and start believing women?
• 
  Julia

  Incredibly powerful, essential contribution to the intersectional feminist conversation in 2020, and a necessary update to the forward-thinking theory put forth in Yes Means Yes. The essays included here are diverse, wide-thinking, timely, and thought-provoking, and each one could be its own book. I read Valenti's and Friedman's first work in a feminist theory class in college, so it's interesting to reflect over 10 years later, and look forward to where this book will show up and how it might change the culture and conversation, given the impact of the first anthology.
  
  The audiobook was done by a full cast, and well done, with a minor mistake in a later essay, where one sentence's multiple takes (more than 5) pronouncing a non-English word was accidentally included in full. I thought my app was glitching for a bit, until I realized it was an editing mistake and the paragraph finally continued. Readers should also note that one of the essays is visual, so access to the supplemental PDF is required to fully read this book.
• 
  Ava Orofino

  I am a feminist, but more importantly, I am a realist. But, this one little book combined the ideas of feminism and put a realist tone to it. And, although it mainly discussed a lot of difficult and emotional topics, it made me see the world from a different point of view, and also made me realize how lucky I am to have the advantages I have today to help me get through times like this if I ever had to go through them. Heartbreaking and truth-defying words and stories by female-identifiers who experienced or knew of someone who had experienced something horrific like some of the things discussed. EVERYONE needs to educate themselves on this topic, along with many others. And this is the perfect way to do it.
• 
  Amanda Hobson

  Just the book we need right now
  
  I have so many words to describe the profound impact of this book: brilliant, insightful, thought-provoking, and inspiring. As Friedman and Valenti did over a decade ago with Yes Means Yes, they have done again by pulling together another exceptional set of essays about ending sexual and gender violence and the path forward. In a moment when it’s easy to lose hope about the state of affairs, this book creates both greater understanding of the issues facing us and how we can unravel our culture of violence. I can see this book being widely adapted for college courses.
• 
  Christina Ciampa

  In Believe Me, contributors ask and answer the crucial question: What would happen if we didn't just believe women, but acted as though they matter? If we take women's experiences of online harassment seriously, it will transform the internet. If we listen to and center survivors, we could revolutionize our systems of justice. If we believe Black women when they talk about pain, we will save countless lives.
  
  This book is incredibly powerful, an essential contribution to the intersectional feminist conversation in 2020, and necessary update to the forward-thinking theory put forth in Yes Means Yes.
• 
  Gina

  As with any collection, some pieces are better than others, but some of this is really great and the overall theme is important. I especially appreciated Julia Serano's model of marked/unmarked, which I had not previously seen, and find useful.
  
  I also appreciate how many people and organizations there are working for equality. It is important to remember that there is existing engagement; it is not just you against the world.
  
  I also appreciate the effort to try and create a vision of how things can be better. It is not easy, but it is needed. Jaclyn Friedman's concluding essay is a good reminder.
• 
  Meagan

  This is a great, well-rounded collection of essays. I couldn't sit down and read this in one sitting. Each essay hits you in a different way, and I needed to breathe between chapters. I also had to let each author's story settle before moving on. I don't remember the last time I've experienced this. It is worth reading, but not without knocking you around.
  
  Like many works about this subject matter, I think the people who should read it the most... won't. I do think there's something here for everyone, and knowing this collection is a great source against the most toxic of social climates. I had a similar experience with Yes Means Yes, one of my most highlighted books.
• 
  Priyanka

  Please read this. Even if you think you know everything there is to know about feminism, LGBTQIA experiences, sexual abuse, power structures, race and any combination of the above. It feels good to read the survivor stories. So good to have women advocating for not just their own rights but also the boys and men around them. Parts of the book definitely made me angry and sad. I don't think that can be avoided when discussing this topic but I finished it with a feeling of relief. The conversation has changed. It has come further from where it was a few years ago and this book, the writers, the narratives bring much needed hope.
• 
  Nikki

  This collection of essays took some time to get through. The subject matter can get heavy (think sexual assault, race, war, medical difficulties as some of those heavier topics) and so going through the book quickly got a little rough. But it is absolutely worth it. All the essays were well written, obviously connected to the overall theme, and did something to help foster more understanding. The final essay wrapped things up very nicely, to the point where it helped the book feel complete. This really is worth the effort, whether you are already familiar with this sort of topic or not, because it offers so many perspectives.
• 
  Catherine O’Neill

  This collection of essays should be taught to girls and boys before they hit puberty. Or maybe just after. I don’t even know how to articulate the enormity of its message or summarize the important bits. Because it’s ALL SO DAMN IMPORTANT. I know there is a large swath of society that won’t even consider it based on the title and/or subtitle. But oh how this world could be a better place if everyone would give it a chance. Hear it out. Go in without preconceptions. Allow yourself a paradigm shift or two.
• 
  Casey

  Highly recommend Believe Me to anyone looking for a diverse representation of people speaking out about sexual violence. Each short story is vastly different, from the author writing to the very topic being discussed. Because I'm fairly familiar with feminist lit, including the history/impact of sexual violence, I did skip around to read stories that I was most interested in or didn't know much about. I'm also not a big short story reader, as I lose interest easily without cliffhangers, but for those looking for bite sized yet powerful stories this is a must read.