Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child by Alice Miller

Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child Reviews

• 
  Alex

  Alice Miller is a must read psychoanalyst and author for anyone interested in sexual abuse, child development or parenting, among other things.
  
  
  In this book, as evident in the title, she takes on the poisonous system in which children are manipulated into unknowing, surrounding current or past traumas. She relates this to the idea in many cultures that the adults are always right, while the children are malevolent little creatures with aggressive sexual drives.
  
  
  She takes on Freud’s instinctual drive theory, which both places the blame on the child for being the impetus of aggressive sexuality, therefore being culpable in their own sexual encounters with adults, as well as regarding later memories of abuse as oedipal fantasies that need not be taken seriously.
  
  
  Miller uses multiple examples from Freud’s own writing, as well as the writing of Franz Kafka, to show how childhood trauma continues to present itself in adulthood through creative outlets. She argues that the body never forgets, and that eventually, it will present its bill. She also spends some time arguing that it is not these traumatic events that allow the creativity we see in so many authors (implying that we would not have great works of art if not for repressed trauma) but that it is an individual’s ability to experience suffering.
  
  
  In addition to this, she explains that in order to keep these traumas out of awareness, a cycle begins within the family in which the adult survivor, in order to keep these overwhelming feelings or memories out of consciousness, uses their children as containers for these feelings. The cycle then goes on as each child ‘shall not be aware’ of what is happening to them, and therefore passes this poisonous pedagogy down to their own children.
  
  
  This is a must read for therapists who wish to work with survivors of trauma and abuse.
  
  
  
  
• 
  Douwe Van

  Highly compelling reading, as with all her books. Her hypothesis that the Holocaust can be directly related to the way German children were brought up in the early 20th century is, I believe, not one to be taken lightly. The implications for our war-torn world are enormous, if we were but to take them seriously. A book I can highly recommend.
• 
  Laszlo Mag

  Fantastic book, but I found it to be quite a heavy read. Possibly more suitable for professionals within the therapeutical community. A lot of what is covered in this book is also covered in her other books. The Drama of the gifted Child might be a better place to start for anyone who wishes to dip their toes into the topic of childhood trauma and/or neglect.
• 
  Lew Brown

  Offers insight in to the ways in which we are socially conditioned to deny that we are being abused
  and how we use defense mechanisms to later acknowlede it
• 
  Tracy Patrick

  I read this book after I read Miller's 'The Drama of the Gifted Child', and one definitely compliments the other. Miller's views on psychoanalysis are termed controversial by some, and she knew she would receive a backlash going against the accepted grain of psychoanalytic wisdom. However, the fact that experience and insight cannot always be measured and quantified as 'evidence' does not necessarily make it any less true. Books such as Dr Susan Forward's 'Toxic Parents' owe no small debt to Miller's groundwork. I will not attempt to paraphrase Miller's theories, but if you are prepared to step out of your comfort zone (especially if you are a parent), then 'Thou Shalt Not Be Aware' is indispensable.
• 
  Juliette

  Très difficile à lire lorsque l'on est soi-même concerné.e. Assurez-vous d'être entouré.e, de pouvoir en parler avec un.e psy ou des ami.e.s lors de sa lecture. Entre autre a cause des sujets de violences intra-famialles (toute une grosse partie sur l'inceste) qui concernent beaucoup d'entres nous et parce que certains exemples de violences (dont sexuelles) sont trop graphiques.
  Lecture lourde et longue mais les propos sont vraiment importants.
  Pour les personnes intéressées par le sujet de l'inceste d'une manière plus abordable, je conseille le podcast " Ou peut-être une nuit" (6 épisodes en fait qui font partie du podcast "Intime et politique" de Louie Média).
• 
  Fishface

  This is a good one, on society's across-the-board mistreatment, shaming and invalidation of children, done in the name of shaping them into good citizens. I wonder what Miller would say about the way we micromanage, medicate and over-permissivize them now into becoming career criminals...
• 
  Cat

  For issues of childhood trauma, there is no finer writer.
• 
  David Steele

  Amazing. Truely amazing.
• 
  Missy Crowley

  Changed my life. In my top 10 non fictional books
• 
  Michelle

  "It is not the psychologists but the literary writers who are ahead of their time." -Alice Miller
  
  Enough said.
• 
  Dorothy Nesbit

  I read the hardback edition by Pluto Press which didn't appear on Goodreads at the time of writing. It follows my reading of The Drama Of Being A Child, For Your Own Good and The Truth will Set You Free. I wish I had read them in the order they were written and would recommend this to other readers.
  
  I wonder if, had Miller written at the end of her career, her writing might be better organised. I found that, for me, the thread wasn't always clear though the content was. (Hats off to her translators.) For this reason, I give the book a four-star rather than a five-star rating. And even as I do this, I am seeing myself as somewhat churlish, because the truth is, I rate Miller's work highly and I recognise that it is exploratory at the time of writing - a work in progress.
  
  In this book, I especially valued her exploration of Freud's work, including a theory of trauma which he expounded and then rejected, in ways which spare the parents of children who later reach out for therapeutic support and who are not served by Freud's later theories. In therapeutic work, it is possible to do more harm than good by abandoning the inner child all over again with a new dose of denial.
  
  I also value highly Miller's refusal to blame parents for the impact of their behaviours, recognising that the parent who can meet a child's every need simply doesn't exist and that parents, just like their children, are the victims of any failures that exist in their upbringing. The idea is not to blame in any way at all but rather to recognise and mourn unmet needs in order to heal trauma.
  
  In writing, I touch on some but not all of the content of Miller's book which is substantial. I finish this incomplete review by expressing gratitude to Miller for her courage in sharing ideas that were, in their day, radical, even amongst their peers. It can't have been an easy path to tread. It paved the way for new ways of thinking, rooted in learning from her patients rather than in loyalty to prior theory.
• 
  Alienne Laval

  This book contributed a lot to my "social super-ego theory". I started to distinguish the "I am that I am" and the "social ego"...
  
  "You shall not believe", the Mistress said, "and woe I get you in the temple!" "What about thinking?", I asked. "As long as it is reasonable", she said.
• 
  April Daniels

  Presented as a "Resource for Further Reading" in both the 1992 and 1993 editions of Paperdolls: Healing from Sexual Abuse in Mormon Neighborhoods.
• 
  Thom

  usefulness of her premise wears a little thin with each book -- still, good information to have.
• 
  Allison Thurman

  Library
• 
  Robert Cymbala

  "Enlightened witness" par excellance