| Title | : | The Storm-Tossed Family: How the Cross Reshapes the Home |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1545906513 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781545906514 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | ebook |
| Number of Pages | : | - |
| Publication | : | First published September 1, 2018 |
| Awards | : | Christianity Today Book Award Book of the Year (2019) |
Family can be the source of some of the most transcendent human joy, and family can leave us crumpled up on the side of the road. Family can make us who we are, and family can break our hearts. Why would this social arrangement have that much power, for good or for ill, over us?
The Storm-Tossed Family: How the Cross Reshapes the Home Reviews
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After a years-long journey from foster care to adoption, my wife, son and I welcomed our two girls into their forever family on Friday, December 9, 2016. Family and friends crowded into the courtroom to witness the formal adoption ceremony. Afterward, we trooped over to our house for cake and presents for our daughters. Their adoption was a joyous event, well worth celebrating.
And yet, as is always the case with adoption, a tragedy lurked in the shadows. You cannot build an adoptive family unless a tragedy, neglect or abuse has broken the biological family first. And though our girls are young, they have memories of their bioparents, and thus an inchoate sense of loss.
The family makes us and breaks us. It is the source of celebrations and tragedies. Our highest joys and our deepest pains typically come from no place like home.
Commentators often speak of “the crisis of the family” when they talk about long-term, systemic changes to the nuclear family that have occurred over the past few generations. These changes include increased levels of nonmarital cohabitation and childbirth, high percentages of marriages ending in divorce, and the rise of nontraditional family structures. When I picked up Russell Moore’s The Storm-Tossed Family, I assumed it would be a polemic addressing the decline of family values in our nation and arguing for a return to those values.
As much as such a polemic may be needed, and as much as Moore would be the person to write it, that isn’t what this book is about. (Moore is president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, well-known for his thoughtful conservatism, both theological and political.) It is not about “the crisis of the family” in general as much as it is about “the crises in my own family” in particular, that is, the milestone events in a family’s life cycle, whether for good or bad.
More than that, it is a Christian account of those milestone events, one that interprets them through a cruciform hermeneutic, one that shows “how the Cross shapes the home,” as the book’s subtitle puts it. Three points stood out to me particularly.
First, family values are not ultimate. “The kingdom is first,” Moore writes; “the family is not.” This sounds radical, and it is, but what else should we make of Jesus’ teaching that His disciples must “hate” their family members (Luke 14:26). Moore rightly notes that hate here means “priority of affection” rather than “hostility or disrespect.” Still, the priority of the Kingdom reminds us that humans can turn any good thing into an idol, even the family. By contrast, he argues, if “we give up our suffocating grasp on our family — whether that’s our idyllic view of our family in the now, our nostalgia for the family of long ago, our scars from family wounds, or our worries for our family’s future — we are then free to be family, starting with our place in the new creation family of the church.”
Second, and building directly on the first point, family is more than the nuclear family. The focus of The Storm-Tossed Family is dad, mom and kids because that’s a fundamental building block of humanity. But the New Testament treats the Church itself as a family. It portrays the Church as the bride of Christ and also as a fellowship of adopted siblings who have one Father in heaven, for example. Regarding those outside the Church, those without a spouse or kids, Moore asks fellow Christians: “Will they hear from us the good news that Jesus invites them, and us, into a family we never could have imagined, a family united through not the blood in our veins but the blood shed from his?”
Third, family points to the gospel. “The family is one of the pictures of the gospel that God has embedded in the world around us,” Moore writes. “Through a really dark glass, we can see flashes in the family of something at the core of the universe itself, of the Fatherhood of God, of the communion of a people with one another.” A family’s joys point to the greater joys of the Kingdom. Its sorrows point them to the Cross, where Christ both suffered and saved. In the depths of misery, family members can look to Christ on the cross and know, “Oh, the Lord redeems all of that.”
The Lord redeeming the mess we have made of our families constitutes the bulk of Moore’s book. He discusses family milestones such as gender differences, marriage, sexuality, childbearing and adoption, parenting, divorce, trauma and aging. His words are wise, irenic and filled with astute theological insight, often expressed in memorable aphorisms. I’ll conclude with just such an aphorism, for it succinctly captures the theme of the entire book: “The only safe harbor for a storm-tossed family is a nail-scarred home.”
Book Reviewed
Russell Moore, The Storm-Tossed Family: How the Cross Reshapes the Home (Nashville: B&H Books, 2018).
P.S. If my review helped you form an opinion of the book,
please click “Helpful” on my Amazon review page.
P.P.S. This review is cross-posted from InfluenceMagazine.com with permission. -
4.6 Stars
There are numerous books on there on the gospel and numerous books out there on the family, but I have not read a book out there that has done what The Storm-Tossed Family has done. Russell Moore in this Christ-exalting book takes the glorious truths of the gospel and applies them to family life. He wisely reminds us that the closest reality to the life of the family is the suffering and glory of Jesus on the cross. This book is not a theological explanation of the family nor is it a Christian living book on how to parent your kids or be a better spouse. It is more of a reminder that the gospel, the good news of Jesus, is central to the life of the home. That in family life there is great weakness and suffering, but in that there is great reliance on Jesus and a display of the good news of the gospel. And that is why this is such an incredible book. Every person is part of a family and Moore affectively reminds us that the only way we can rightly live within a family is by focusing on the cross and resurrection of Christ. The only weakness of this book is that Russell Moore's writing is more dialogical and takes some time getting used to, but other than that, I could not more highly recommend this book! -
I love this book.
Moore writes about family in a bigger, different way than anything else I've read. He highlights that God is at work in us and through us via our families in ways that we often don't expect or necessarily want. It's hopeful realism...gospel-centered reflections and guidance that are profound and helpful.
When we recognize that our families aren't the idols or trophies or disappointments we're so often tempted to believe they are, we're then free to appreciate them for what they actually are: fellow broken vessels God has intentionally placed in our lives (and us in their lives). There's much to be celebrated when the gospel is in the midst of such relationships.
(full disclosure: the agency I work for represents this author and this book; I read an early draft of the book) -
I laughed (a lot!) and teared up reading this book. I appreciated the vulnerability and encouragement throughout. “Our families shape us. We shape our families. The cross should shape both.” Yes and amen.
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This family book will be a blessing to every person whether married or single. It bypasses surface issues at all points and couldn’t masquerade as a self-help book even with the best Madison-Avenue advertising campaign behind it. You might cross something on its pages that would make you want to do “better”, but this book soars in the brokenness of your family. Its Gospel light shines through whether you’ve felt the pain of family or were the perpetrator who inflicted the pain. As is more likely, it instructs when you’ve been part of both. In short, this book succeeds because of where it goes, a place that most Christian family books shop just short of—the foot of the Cross. I can’t be good enough. Spouse, parent, it doesn’t matter; I just can’t. My only hope is at the Cross, the place where I see myself as I am and the place I find redemption.
Besides the awesome material, this book wins as a book on every level. I’ve read some Russell Moore on blogs, but I must say he impressed me as a writer here. His style was unique and really stood out among family books. Most telling was how he connected with the reader. I felt he was staggering to the Cross with me. He refrained from the allowing the reader to see him as the model husband or the champion father. Like me, he struggles with looking away from the Cross even if he can clearly enunciate why the Cross is the answer.
Moore had me by chapter 2 on “The Cross as Family Crisis”. My excessive underlining shows just how he hit me where I live. He with continued aplomb exposed spiritual warfare in the home, dismantled family idolatry and my using family for my own identity. All the while, he reminded me that the cross tells another story. His chapters on marriage and intimacy were neither trite nor common as he drug us again to the Cross from where we’d be most likely to go kicking and screaming. He stayed true to a conservative, biblically-faithful point of view while not being boxed in by some of its common misapplications too. His discussion of children and parents was equally perceptive and Gospel focused. Even his preview of aging proved I’ll be needing the Cross all the way.
The final chapter on “Free to Be Family” led to misty eyes for me. I’m not sure how to explain how truly wonderful this book is. Get it. You need it whether you know it or not. You need it because having the Cross but leaving it out of your home will mushroom into the most grotesque of errors. This winner is easily a book-of-the-year entry that every believer needs.
I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255. -
I was challenged and encouraged, I laughed and teared up, I learned and gained new perspectives on aspects of marriage, the Church, divorce, aging, children, and ministry. As the complexities and trials of 2020 have swallowed a good chunk of my joy, I learned to reframe joy and to see it in what God has done, is doing, and will do through these relationships I have in my nuclear, extended and church family. In short, I loved it and will likely be referencing it with regularity on this side of journeying Home.
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Very helpful tool to cultivate awareness of the spectrum of familial experiences represented in church pews every week. The chapter on the church was fantastic, and worth revisiting. Overall, a helpful corrective toward proper expectations when considering family life.
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This book made me reflect on the family I have now and the family I hope to have in the future all in light of the suffering Messiah.
“As I follow Jesus in the way of the cross, I can see every day as an opportunity to lose my life— sometimes in the ordinary rhythms of hugging a grandmother, changing a diaper, walking in the park, or singing in a choir. Knowing that my life is already over, crucified at the cross, and my life is waiting to burst into action, ascended at the right hand of God, I can gladly lose my life for my family, knowing that I need not protect myself from love.”
“Family might bring you pain. To love is to suffer. But you have learned that suffering is not a sign of God’s absence but his presence... You learned that when you first heard the words calling out to you somewhere on an ancient Galilean Shore, ‘Take up your cross and follow me.’”
Family can leave scars but we serve a scarred Savior who redeems brokenness. I am grateful for this read and expect to read it again some day when the parenting and marriage sections are more directly applicable. -
Phenomenal book on the Christian family. This covers far more than marriage and parenthood, bit also topics like divorce, singleness, caring for aging parents, even extended family relationships. All are discussed in light of the Gospel of the work accomplished on the cross.
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If you get through the first three chapters you have the rest of the book to enjoy! So helpful, very reorienting!
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The Storm-Tossed Family is not just another book about some practical steps to having a perfect family. It's not full of how-to advice, or even personal success stories. Instead, it is a book that is painfully real about the struggles that we all have with our families while living in a broken world. Beyond that, it focuses on how our families can be redeemed by the gospel. Rather than focusing on having great marriages, kids, or families, we should focus on living the truths of the gospel, thereby allowing the gospel to change us, and by extension, our families. Moore argues that we often actually damage our families by attempting to make them central in our lives when the gospel should be central instead. Moore's book is challenging and helpful, whether you are a parent, a child, a spouse, or a single person.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"If family were easy, we could do it in our own fleshly self-propelled willpower. If we could do it on our own, we would not bear a cross. And if we are not bearing a cross, then what we are doing would not matter in the broad sweep of eternity. Family matters. That’s why it is hard."
"Family is meant to teach us, among other things, that we are creatures, that we cannot, ultimately, provide for and protect ourselves."
"I sometimes want a gospel just natural enough to let me run my own life but just supernatural enough to give me what I need to get there."
"God’s ultimate goal is not to make us “real men” and “real women” so much as it is to drive us away from the self and toward one another, toward the cross."
"Headship is not about having one’s laundry washed or one’s meals cooked or one’s sexual drives met, but rather about constantly evaluating how to step up first to lay one’s life down for one’s family."
"We will find joy and peace and wholeness in our marriages when we stop expecting marriage to meet all our needs."
"Family is not the gospel. If you think that family is the source of ultimate meaning in your life, then you will expect your family to make you happy, to live up to your expectations."
Regardless of your personal family situation, I think that you will find this book thought-provoking and refreshing. I received a digital copy of this book for free from the publisher and was not required to write a positive review. -
I wanted to love this book, but it was too...poetic? The author didn’t just come out with what he wanted to say but instead cloaked everything in simile, metaphor, allegory (kind of). I enjoyed some of the chapters that contained concrete advice and pointers but most of them I skimmed in frustration.
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This book covers many family-related topics, but it is mainly about why family is so hard. Why family gatherings can be so stressful, why we are so hurt when our families let us down, and why we strive in vain to create the "perfect" family that could never disappoint us. It is a gentle reminder that all families will experience brokenness in some way, but that God will never fail us and that that should give us hope in how we see the family. It does not promise that everything in life will go well if you just follow steps 1,2, &3, but is more a reflection on how the central message of the gospel can give us hope when the storms come (and they will come).
Russell Moore is so bright and writes warmly about his own family in a way that is relatable and funny. At times his writing style was hard for me to follow--lots of jumps to different subjects, circling back, side jumps to related topics, parentheses that clarify a previous statement--he's clearly an intelligent and conscientious writer who wants to express exactly what he means, but it does add volume to the book that maybe didn't need to be there. -
Okay, I'll be honest....I'm really picky when it comes to Christian books.
This book isn't terrible, but I didn't think it was great either. It had a really strong start, and I do agree with a lot of what was said. However, I just didn't like the author overall. He struck me as a little 'holier than thou.'
The book is long, and I wasn't a fan of the audio version.
A lot of these Christian books are all the same. So, again, a book has to really wow me, especially in this category.
I do have friends who have really enjoyed the book. So, don't completely disregard the book on my review. Give it a chance. -
I read a lot of books on marriage, parents, children and aging last year but this one surpasses all of them. Russell Moore communicates well the reality that the family operates within a bigger family, the church, and both those families are shaped by the love of the Father in the cross of Christ. If you’re looking for a book to read on family, marriage or parenting this is the one you need to read.
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A solid reflection on the family (biological and otherwise) and the role it has in the Christian life and understanding. Avoiding the traditional "family values" conversation in favoring of a more personal and theological approach, Moore's voice leads readers to consider what it means to be caught up in, shaped by, and constituent parts of what we know as the family. Behind all of this is Moore's vision of the Cross, and here is where, perhaps, I wish he had more clarity. I get an impression of what he's looking to say in this direction, but I felt that it could have been stated more explicitly and explained more throughout.
All in all, a thoughtful (devotional?) read on the topic--and not just for those getting married or who are parenting. -
I'll admit it took a couple of chapters for me to get into this book. It was probably just me and my covid/smoke brain. But, then it was so good.
I especially liked the chapters:
"The Family as Spiritual Warfare"
"Man and Woman at the Cross"
"Marriage and the Mystery of Christ"
"The Road to and from Divorce"
"Children Are a Blessing, Not a Burden"
"Parenting with the End in View"
2020 A book about Christian living -
Both families and churches would benefit from the points this book makes. If you are someone who wants to know how they can build a firm foundation for their family and minister to other families in the midst of a cultural storm, then check out 'The Storm-Tossed Family' by Russell Moore.
See full review at:
http://www.entrustedbygod.org/2018/12... -
There are many gems in this work about being a spouse and parent. Had I read it 35 years ago my wife would have had a better husband and my children a better father. I used to think that other folks couldn't do a good job giving me books. No more. Thanks to my sister Bonnie for this wonderful Christmas present.
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At times both a hard, yet encouraging read, this started a lot of good discussion about how we grew up & what could be done differently in our own family. Excellent in keeping the focus on Christ & our calling instead of elevating the family as being first & ultimate.
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Wonderful reminder of the gospel specifically in family. What a grace!
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This book won awards for a reason. Russell Moore is always thoughtful and thought provoking. His insights into marriage, parenting, and all things family are both encouraging and challenging.
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A testimony of Jesus focusing on the cross throughout. Moore’s spirit of Grace and love for God and his families is evident, disarming those angry with churches, and encouraging those who are just tired. While a book cannot be all things to all people, this may be a bit lengthy and see for some folks who just want some self help tips. This is a serous call to follow Jesus and build our lives around cross shaped solutions.
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“Often I will hear older people within the church blame younger generations for not honoring the wisdom of the aged, of only wanting to listen to their peers. Sometimes, of course, this is true…I don’t sense this attitude though, in most of the younger Christians I encounter. Instead, I find that the question I get most often is, “How do I find a mentor?” When one presses these young Christians, you will find they do not want a “mentor” the way the corporate world describes it—someone to pass on skill sets and to help shepherd them up the latter of success. Instead, what they describe they want is less like a corporate coach and much more akin to a father or mother. They don’t know how to seek out such relationships. Making friends, after all, is itself difficult once we get past the childhood playground. One cannot, without making oneself especially vulnerable to rejection, walk up and say, ‘Will you be my friend?’ It’s even harder to imagine walking up and saying, ‘Would you be my spiritual father?’”
Found myself saying “Wow, I’m not the only one” often throughout this book. -
I didn't go into The Storm-Tossed Family, with a lot of expectations, but managed to find myself somewhat surprised anyway. But about halfway in, after I had gotten used to the author's style, I found myself enjoying it a great deal. No that it was a particularly fun read--but it was convicting and encouraging by turns, and consistently pointing back to the cross.
If you're looking for a how-to book with quick tips for fixing your relationship with your adult child or your mother-in-law, this probably isn't it. But if you need a reminder of how the gospel is part of every facet of our family life (and really, who doesn't?) this is a great book to grab off the shelf. -
A terrific and important book which focuses on God’s purposes for the family while also providing specific, biblically-supported direction. My full review:
https://medium.com/park-recommendatio...
