Broken Trust: …a practical guide to identify and recover from toxic faith, toxic church, and spiritual abuse (The Overcoming Series: Spiritual Abuse, Book 4) by F. Remy Diederich

Broken Trust: …a practical guide to identify and recover from toxic faith, toxic church, and spiritual abuse (The Overcoming Series: Spiritual Abuse, Book 4) Reviews

• 
  Abigail Westbrook

  SO GOOD. Would highly recommend to anyone in a toxic faith situation or wanting to support someone who is. Very realistic and practical, and full of hope for healing.
• 
  Sarah

  Such an important book, especially for people serving in any spiritual leadership capacity or who care about this topic. The author comes around the spiritually wounded with much understanding and compassion. As someone who has personally been affected by spiritual trauma, his tone was very meaningful to me. He speaks as a pastor, but also as one who previously experienced spiritual trauma that impacted his life dramatically for years. Gratefully, it also led to this book.
  
  I appreciate his humility in sharing examples of how he has contributed to spiritual abuse and toxic faith in the past, showing that this is something all of us need to be aware of and be accountable to each other for. We all participate, we all bring something to the table, and we can unintentionally harm when we mean to help. And yet, he offers grace to not only the afflicted, but the inflictors. He offers hope and steps to healing for both.
  
  Bringing awareness to this topic in general is crucial for protecting and bringing healing to the spiritual lives of people in our generation. That’s a big statement; but from listening to the many voices that speak in this book, in my own life, and in the current feeling towards the church by so many today, I believe it is an appropriate one. What good is church growth if it’s reach brings harm to those it extends to, causing possibly greater barriers between the soul of the person and God than what existed before? Mercifully, He is greater than our mistakes...
  
  My hope is that more books like this are written, and more hearts are lit with it’s message for those who have sadly needed to leave the organized church in order to find wholeness.
• 
  Amy

  This is a hard review to write. Most people I am friends with on Goodreads do not know I had the experience that made me pick up this title. Some people I am friends with here were in that place with me and probably do not know that some of us there were deeply hurt by the environment.
  
  I am 18 years removed from the place and people whose toxic faith and spiritually abusive behavior nearly destroyed my faith in God and, essentially handicapped my ability to teach to my full potential as well. And I still feel anxiety because of the things that happened there. I still feel unworthy. I still remember vividly the ways in which I was demeaned and convinced that I was never going to be good enough for God.
  
  This book is literally the first place where I have seen or heard these very important words: "It wasn't your fault".
  
  I don't talk about this because people's responses (even those closest to me) are invariably to say why it was my fault. Why I should have left sooner. Why I should've responded differently. Or that I took things too personally or "knew" they were wrong so how could it have hurt me. Diederich doesn't do this. He clearly explains how smart people, in good faith, get taken in by abusive leaders. He helps readers see why those people were able to or chose to prey on them. But above all, he is clear, "It wasn't your fault".
• 
  Meredith

  Probably the most succinct book on toxic church groups I have read (and I have read a lot). I wish I had this book 10 years ago. I appreciate that the author defines his terms (toxic, abuse, etc) and doesn't just assume that everyone agrees with the term. The chapters are brief but packed full of information. It leads to a lot of good discussion and reflection. He actually encourages one who has been abused by the church to step away from a time and detox. He compares it to a person who leaves an abusive marriage. They should not get into another relationship right away. They need time to heal and see the destructive patterns in the past relationship first so that they do not repeat them in a new one. I also appreciate that the author encourages those who have been abused by the church to not give up on God. He found healing and is still a part of the church. I loved the survivor input at the end of some chapters in which others explained their experiences. I thought this was very helpful to see others who have experienced the same dynamics as our family. This book was healing on so many levels and I highly recommend it.
• 
  Jung Sun

  2.5 stars.
  
  I was hopeful when I started the book. Overall, he’s pretty spot on with what spiritual abuse looks like and what it can do to people. However, I started to have trouble trusting some of his advice when he references Richard Rohr, Brene Brown, Henri Nouwen and the like. Yeah, these individuals are not sound biblically and endorse new age/mystical practices. Also, suggesting to NOT pray, read your Bible, and worship if you’re not FEELING it’s right or ready to because of warped understanding of God’s acceptance; What kind of advice is this to give suffering Christians, and from a pastor?? If anything, these are the basic things a Christian SHOULD RUN TO. The devil would be delighted to see Christians NOT doing these basic but vital habits.
  
  To know the true God is to be in His Word, not off sitting somewhere doing nothing in silence to develop “an ear to hear God…by yourself. Toxic faith blocks hearing from God because it forces you to focus on your performance. Spiritual abuse blocks hearing from God because it forces you to listen to the demands of a spiritual leader. After years in this environment…a supposedly spiritual context…you lose a true connection with God. You want that back.” (pg. 99) And ironically that’s a red flag for me. Spiritual abuse almost always include the twisting and mishandling of the Bible by spiritual leaders, and they get away with it because people don’t know their Bible. I was guilty of that myself. Spiritually immature people just obey and trust the leaders. An added layer is when the leaders claim personal revelations from God and teach extra biblical spiritual gifts such as hearing from God outside of the Bible keeping people ignorant of Bible truth. So I disagree with his suggestion to sharpen your listening skills for hearing God speak to you. Start reading and studying the Bible regularly. Do find a few friends or community that you can process what you’re going thru. Even a Christian therapist who has experience with trauma and spiritual abuse would be good. (The author suggests this but not so much someone with same faith. I think that’s important)
  
  I came away getting the sense Diederich’s Christianity is different from mine, and I can’t comfortably apply some of his help suggestions to my own life, or really suggest his book to friends. However, in general, his insight on the workings and symptoms of a toxic church and spiritual abuse is helpful. (I did check out the church he founded and pastored (he’s now retired) online and listened to one of the sermons.Defiantly not the church for me. One of the wonderful things of being able to listen to sermons online when checking out churches. The church network I left doesn’t post any of their sermons publicly. 👎🏼
• 
  Liz Kahle

  It is uncanny how often I am asked what spiritual abuse is when I bring it up in conversation. I would recommend Diederich's book to those who are interested in learning more about it and its ramifications, not only upon "the church" but upon the emotional, mental, and physical health of those who have experienced it. The use of quotes from real people who have encountered spiritual abuse (and many who are still recovering) offers helpful insights into underlying effects which are not easy to pinpoint. I especially appreciate Diedrich's compassionate "presence" throughout this read. Compassion is not a marker of a spiritual abuser so for those reading this who have encountered this form of abuse, my hope is that they would find in Diederich a safe place to process, grieve, and hopefully move further into healing.
• 
  Amanda

  I would recommend this to everyone, especially as a means of preventing spiritual abuse. It's time we stop cleaning up the mess and start monitoring the health if our leaders more closely.
  
  My situation was much more subtle than most examples of spiritual abuse I've read about. For a long time i couldn't figure out what was wrong about it. Then I read about spiritual abuse but hesitated to call it what it was because my perception was so hard to trust. Remy's addition to the usual symptoms was spot on what I experienced. His are less anecdotal and specific and more character-based. If you read nothing else, please read the chapter on symptoms. It's easy to read the more extreme examples and think it's not your situation.
  
  I am afraid to even write this review because I don't want to talk about people in such a way on the internet, yet it is the truth.
• 
  Suzie

  Wow! This is a very helpful book for several reasons. It helped me identify what spiritual abuse is (which I found difficult to articulate previously). And then it guided me in the process of identifying the losses I incurred due to that spiritual abuse and how to begin to heal from it. Something I have struggled with is how to reconcile my anger towards those who perpetuated the spiritual abuse and yet maintain unity with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. The book helped me further down that path.
• 
  Ashleigh

  I was so moved by this book that I had to reach out to the author to share how valuable this book is and also share my own experiences that lead me to read it. There is a deep source of pain that Mr. Diederich understands in such an intimate way and he shares that with his readers. That allows his readers to instantly trust him and take to heart the valuable advice, teachings, and reminders he offers. This book is priceless.
• 
  Moses Flores

  This book is the real deal! Very, very insightful with regards to spiritual abuse and what it’s like to go through it. As someone just starting to recognize it and in the middle of addressing it at my church, it’s a hard pill to swallow with the reality of what lies ahead.
  
  Anybody in church leadership needs to read this book or have it recommended to avoid Satan’s devices in their own churches.
• 
  Zhang Eddy

  very good and practical book about spiritual abuse.
• 
  MeDenne

  Healing from toxic religion
  
  Excellent book. What I needed at a time like this. Validated so many things and confirmed the need for safe churches and Christian colleges/schools.
• 
  Debbie Mcnulty

  I really wanted to like this book. In the end, too much of the advice was Bible-based and not helpful for someone like me who has left the church.
• 
  Jordan Good

  Very practical and down to earth insight. Easy to digest and apply. I really appreciated this book!
• 
  Louise Lawson

  Another great book about spiritual abuse
  
  I would highly recommend this book to anybody who may have been the victim of spiritual abuse. I’ve read a few books and this was a good one for identifying the abuse and validating it. I would recommend others (that are referenced in this book) for the way forward and healing from it.