The Secret Footballer: What Goes on Tour by The Secret Footballer

The Secret Footballer: What Goes on Tour Reviews

• 
  Andy Dutton

  Waiting for my toes to uncurl...
  
  This is a direct quote from Chapter 19: “Suddenly the memories of what we got up to don’t seem so funny. Remove them from the context of a group of well-paid, over-sexed young athletes and it all seems pretty cringey.”
  
  This quote should be on the back of the book! It sums it up perfectly. A football has-been, recounting tales of debauchery, in an unreadable, unintelligible way - it’s all a bit cringey!
  
  If you like tales of drunken nights out, debauchery and hilarious happenstance, read Tucker Max. He has a real penchant for retelling a crazy night. This is 1/10th of Tucker Max’s talent.
  
  TSF comes across as an arrogance braggart, which is a shame, because his other books are interesting and readable. Maybe it’s the subject matter of the book (money and wild rides), but he came across very dickish!
  
  Wouldn’t recommend, certainly wouldn’t read again!
• 
  Ken

  Another interesting book in The Secret Footballer series.
  This time the former Premier League star delves into how the impact of more money being pumped into the game has impacted on the way clubs and player chose both pre-season tours and summer vacations.
  
  The most fascinating part of the book highlighted the gulf in pay between a Premier League star compared to someone playing in League’s One or Two.
  
  This player having started he’s career in the lower leagues gives a great account of both sides of the coin.
  
  It’s an interesting read, but those that think that the highest paid players are overpaid might just have their view reinforce, as some of the tales of what players get up to in their leisure time is very revealing!
• 
  Lara A

  The rating is both of the book and myself for reading it, as it is devoid of insight, entertainment or originality (several anecdotes are lifted verbatim from previous books).
  
  Footballers used to go to Marbella and wear their numbered shorts, but both activities have fallen out of fashion. That's the depth of this book. Other pieces of new information, such as Las Vegas being false and that Americans are loud is also included. If reading about that, along with endless shoehorned references to the author's perceived intelligence appeal, then you will enjoy this book. Otherwise, avoid.
• 
  James Koppert

  OK, it us pure tabloid voyeurism but I love it. Equally as good as his other offerings, full of wit and delicious tipbits. David Kitson an even better writer than he was a footballer.
• 
  Daniel Lang

  "The Secret Footballer: What Goes on Tour" attempts to unveil the mysterious and often glamorous world of professional footballers during their away trips. However, the exposé falls short of delivering the compelling insights promised by its title.
  
  One of the primary shortcomings of the book is its lack of depth. The Secret Footballer, claiming to be an insider with firsthand experience, fails to provide the detailed and nuanced anecdotes that readers would expect. Instead, the narrative is often filled with generic tales that could easily apply to any group of friends on a vacation, rather than shedding light on the unique challenges and privileges of footballers on tour.
  
  Furthermore, the writing style leaves much to be desired. The prose is often trite and lacks the finesse needed to engage the reader. The Secret Footballer's attempt at humor falls flat, and the constant use of clichés and worn-out expressions makes the storytelling feel formulaic and uninspired.
  
  In addition, the book struggles to strike a balance between providing genuine insights and maintaining the veil of anonymity. While the author claims to protect identities, the anecdotes presented are so vague that they lose their authenticity, leaving readers questioning the credibility of the narrative.
  
  Despite the promise of uncovering the dark side of the glamorous footballer lifestyle, "What Goes on Tour" ultimately disappoints by failing to deliver the gritty details or eye-opening revelations that fans and critics alike were hoping for. The Secret Footballer's attempt at an exposé turns out to be more of a missed opportunity than a revealing journey into the hidden world of footballers on tour.
• 
  Bruno

  Overall liked this book, the writer is funny and the insight into the crazy money of football and the excessiveness of footballers on tour is very interesting.
  
  Was not expecting the author to open up about depression which I think was really good considering what I imagine the main profile of readers of this book would be less likely to talk about depression.
  
  Still think even though the author is level headed, the money they waste on shit just to impress, when they could spend it on so much more important causes is ridiculous and funnily enough they could be much happier if they tried spending it a bit more wisely. However this could be applied to any extremely rich person. Sometimes the lad culture stuff gets boring but again overall enjoyed reading.
• 
  Pedro

  Being this my first book from The Secret Footballer (TSF), this book delivered exactly what I was expecting: episodical tales providing a glimpse of what happens when you give too much money to young kids. Kids that often are surrounded by the wrong people and end up in the wrong places.
  
  Although I can understand the reasons that lead to their behavior, I find it difficult to empathize with them, especially because often these are people coming from the lower social strata.
  
  I enjoyed the book as it was light and entertaining - a good easy read. But I think this will be the first and last book I read from TSF.
• 
  Trevor

  As with all the TSF books it's an easy read, but it also leaves you wanting more when you've put it down.
  
  The books are as well written as ever, and as humorous as ever.
  
  I must admit this one isn't quite the "kiss and tell" book I'd expected but I enjoyed it nevertheless. There's not as much scandal as you think there's going to be but there's still some funny stories.
  
  Now only one thing left to do, work out who the bloody hell TSF is!
• 
  Piers

  A little self-indulgent? Perhaps that's the point.
  
  Then first TSF book I've read. A collection of stories of debauchery and excess of tours and holidays that occasionally comes across a bit smug and self-satisfied, and after a while the stories start to lose impact. A bit like watching The Wolf of Wall Street. But you'd be lying if you said that wasn't exactly why you'd picked the book up in the first place.
• 
  Elliot Lewis

  Enjoyed the other books but this one was rubbish, the whole thing was just a long list of all of the things he spent his money on, how it's acceptable to treat women like garbage and how great he is. So self obsessed, horrible and nasty to read about the way he behaved on his travels. Also couldn't stand the way he spoke about fans of the clubs he represented seeing him out and about, total disregard and a real lack of respect.
• 
  Grant

  I never bothered with the Secret Footballer series before and only bought this because it was buy one get one half price. I wish I hadn’t bothered. It’s so dull that all the bling from his collected jewellery wouldn’t be enough to light it up.
  I should have listened to my inner voice and not picked it up in the first place.
• 
  Mika

  Not much for a story concerning footballers on tour. Some funny stuff there, but mostly blend stories about his experiences. Nothing remarkable or a book to remember at all. A person calling himself the Secret footballer doesn't live up to expectations. Cool cover though!
• 
  Stephen Wood

  A good holiday book.
  Getting to see this side of football is truly entertaining from the beginning of a footballs journey when they are young, dumb and have full pockets, to the way in which taste changes over time.
  
• 
  Duncan Smith

  I read this book then bought two others by the same guy.
• 
  Paul

  enjoyable and insightful
• 
  Neil Brunton

  Very very funny book,,
• 
  Linda

  DNF
  Nothing but a long list of (humble)brags, unbearable to read