Cracker-Ass Honky Blues by Arthur Graham

Cracker-Ass Honky Blues Reviews

• 
  karen

  reviewers seem to be primarily focusing on the lurid cover of this chapbook, in which arthur graham nearly bares it all with no consideration for TEH CHILDREN who may be lurking and the impressionable minds that might be horrifically scarred by the spectacle of so much male flesh on display: a single nipple, tattoos, chest hair, enigmatic facial expression that is either a result of sexual climax or poo-making.
  
  so to that end: gather 'round for your scarring, kiddies!
  
  
  
  because i was neither paralyzed nor brought down by the vapors by arthur i work blue's shameless sexual parade, i actually read the stories contained here. all of them. with both of my hands in plain sight, not stuffed into my petticoats like some less sophisticated readers.
  
  and they were not at all bad.
  
  i will summarize them for those of you too busy nipple-swooning to make it any further than the cover.
  
  Kerouac and I
  
  now, obviously, this should be titled kerouac and me by anyone who values grammar, but we can hardly expect a nudist to have values, now, can we?
  
  this is a story in which we learn that size really does matter, when it comes to thumbs, that kerouac liked teenaged whores, and that he was kind of a dick in the ashton kutcher, "i punk your feet!" tradition.
  
  so, pretty much what we knew about him already.
  
  Staying True to Yourself
  
  in which we encounter an internet troll out in the real world, who carries a stick of chalk around and isn't ashamed to use it.
  
  A Review of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  
  in which nine all-caps words are employed to really get to the heart of dahl's seminal work, with spoilers.
  
  New Story Idea
  
  in which we learn that getting high continues into the afterlife. even if substance abuse is what put you in the afterlife to begin with. so, i guess the additional lesson is "people never learn lessons."
  
  The Primordial Slime
  
  in which the author's early endeavors into the world of violent, juvenile, pop-culture-referencing filth are recalled with fondness and pride.
  
  Prince's First Posthumous Tweet
  
  in which we shriek "too soon, dude," and then check the publication date of this chapbook and accuse the author, by email, of murrrrderrrrrr.
  
  which accusation he deflects without ever actually denying.
  
  What We Talk About When We Talk About What We Talk About When We're Talking About Talking About Stuff
  
  in which i crack up and high-five the author from my computer desk while still giving not one single fuck about raymond carver's "memory" being "insulted."
  
  Hitler's Bad Day
  
  in which my people are reduced to stereotypes:
  
  He was in a large, sunny park somewhere. It must’ve been France, he judged, from the soft neo-impressionistic dots of color that blurred the lines between the trees, the grass, the picnicking couples and their parasols. Plus, there was some guy in a beret and a black-and-white striped shirt peeing against a nearby wall. Somehow he managed to do this while simultaneously smoking a cigarette in one hand, drinking from a bottle of merlot in the other, and periodically munching on the long, crusty baguette he kept tucked beneath his arm.
  
  also, hitler has a bad day.
  
  Fan Mail
  
  in which the author responds to three critics, who complain that he is too focused on sex and hitler, and that he uses too much profanity. he also receives one positive, glowing review of his work written by a 7-year-old boy too dumb to even pass third grade on the first (or second) try. looks like this author has found his target audience.
  
  and for the tl;dr crowd:
  
  
• 
  Mischenko

  Please visit
  www.readrantrockandroll.com for this review and others...
  
  So, I've been wanting to read Cracker-Ass Honky Blues for some time now, actually, just something by Arthur Graham already! This is the first for me, a chapbook of short stories.
  
  I liked the cover and title. Out of all stories included the only one I didn't really like was "Hitler's Bad Day." Most enjoyed were "The Primordial Slime" and "Fan Mail."
  
  Is there a poster size of the cover available? JK!
  
  4****
  
  I'm looking forward to reading more by this author.
  
  Thank you to Arthur Graham for sharing a complimentary copy with me...
• 
  Shelby *trains flying monkeys*

  Arthur Graham is funny..he also went whoring with
  Jack Kerouac..don't believe me? Read the book.
  I think the title and cover alone is worth the price of admission. There used to be some sorta-nakey pics of Arthur on Goodreads...not that I looked at them or nothing. Since they have been DELETED I will have to just ummm stare at this cover on occasion.
  Now for the stories. This is a short little book. Only 24 pages..but it's packed full of goodness. Like the whoring story with Jack,
  a bit of a tussle with Hitler and Thor..
  
  
  
  One of the best review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ever...
  
  
  
  A little teaser of a whole new take of Marley's ghost...
  
  
  
  Pure awesomeness..the cover alone got it's own star.
  
  Booksource: Gifted by the author..since he would not get naked again. Nothing was promised in return..dammit.
  
  
  
  
  Melki's review is here ..she also cracks me up daily and she uses words in her reviews instead of moving pictures.
• 
  Janie

  WOLF WHISTLE! Check out that cover. What is that thing? It look like an egg slicer to me, but I need new glasses.
  
  Jack Kerouac and the tao of hitching. That's not the name of the story, but you get the gist. Arthur Graham is older than he looks.
  
  Staying True to Yourself - make sure you check your spelling. Asshole.
  
  A Review of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory confuses me. Did the children taste the schnozzberry before or after they were murdered?
  
  New Story Idea - yes. Use the proposed title.
  
  The Primordial Slime - practice makes perfect. Literature, that is. Where are you now, Mr. Grieman? What have you published?
  
  Prince's Firt Posthumous Tweet turns out to be unoriginal.
  
  What We Talk About When We Talk About What We Talk About When We're Talking About Stuff - Raymond Carver did not write this.
  
  Hitler's Bad Day - Hitler dreams in neo-impressionistic dots of color and gets a lesson about swastika design. Then he has another bad day.
  
  Fan Mail - The author answers fans' questions. The answer to Anonymous made me squirt juice out of my nose.
  
  Another highly inspiring chapbook. Bravo!
  
• 
  Richard Derus

  Rating: 4 disturbed stars out of five
  
  The world's about 3-day weekends instead of celebrating actual anniversaries. TODAY is the 47th anniversary *holy crap! I'm old!* of the gay rights movement as most all of us know it. Why should I bring that up (!) in a review of a cishet man's chapbook? Because, dear readers, that nudie of the author on the front cover reminds me of how, when, and why I decided not to hide my strong preference for men in the sack.
  
  A hairy, drunken ape in a bathtub (or wherever that is, can't really tell) is a lot lot lot more fun than some prissy pussy.
  
  YMMV, of course.
  
  June 28th...LGBT Pride day...I salute you. (Lots and lots of bad jokes were deleted before I realized I could get by with this one, and I'm already expecting the Taste Police ((telling that I first typed Tats Police, isn't it?)) to descend on me en masse. They've done it before. Go look at my review of GONE GIRL!)
  
  I don't care how drugged up against pain I have to get, I'm goin' to the 50th Pride parade or bust! I was 19 at the 10th and went (albeit in San Francisco while visiting my father for the summer in Los Gatos), 29 at the 20th and went, 39 I made it to the 30th, missed 40th, but never again! My city, Long Beach, on Long Island is the site of next year's Pride Festival for Long Islanders. That is by invitation, New Yorkers and Long Islanders. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Who knocked Guido on the melon?
  
  (Oh gawd, more trolls I've just poked. You think I'd be careful. You'd be wrong.)
  
  So anyway, about Arthur's chapbook. Arthur's been a GR pal'o'mine for a long time (in internet time, 2 months ~ 1 people year), largely because I like his fearless willingness to disturb, offend, intrigue, titillate, and generally fuck with the civilians. That willingness is on display in this effort. That's worth any price of admission, let alone a measly $5. Which, I hasten to point out, I didn't have to pay because...um...I really don't know why, but the man offered a freebie and I've NEVER said no to a man offering a freebie. *rimjobshot*
  
  Buy one. Become your family's Filth Elder, Black Sheep, Public Embarrassment, Latest Freak to Come Out Swingin'. Oooh, forgot, they're signed and numbered! Makes 'em cooler, donchaknow.
• 
  Melki

  What to say about Graham's newest chapbook . . .
  
  Well, there's that cover. It's much better than the cover of, oh, let's say
  The Catcher in the Rye. Look at it.
  There's no naked men there. (There's barely any there there.) Best of all, the contents of Graham's book are also much better than that thing Salinger wrote. I mean, Holden never went whoring with
  Jack Kerouac, now did he? But Arthur Graham has. So, there.
  
  Graham has also written a one-sentence review of
  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which is included here in this awesome, better-than-Salinger book. Also featured is a tale of misspelled graffiti, a teaser for a new and trippy Ebenezer Scrooge story, and truth about the sad fate of the first book Arthur Graham ever wrote.
  
  The longest, most intriguing work tells the story of Hitler's Bad Day, a thought-provoking piece about der Führer's dreams, and a look at the origin of the swastika. Adolf does indeed have a terrible, horrible, no good day as he learns never to fuck with Thor.
  
  The book ends with Graham digging deep into his enormous bag of fan mail, and answering some letters from his many admirers.
  
  In all, a good time was had by this reader. No animals were harmed, not even Hitler's dog, and the entire book is gluten-free. I'm certainly looking forward to the next cover book.
  
• 
  Arthur Graham

  Available now! Please see product description for ordering instructions.
• 
  Julio Genao

  *me, examining this book listing on my pad*
  
  ZOOM. ROTATE.
  
  ZOOM.
  
  ENHANCE.
  
  ENHANCE.
  
  
  ...ENHANCE.
• 
  Anthony Vacca

  A lusty little book of weird behavior. Within these carefully folded and stapled pages you will find a story featuring a pedestrian Hitler receiving criticism about his Reich's insignia via a bad dream, an irreverent sample of fan mail correspondence, a tweet in poor taste, some dubious remembrances of that overrated guru of the American road novels, Jack Kerouac, an idea for a short story and even a picture of our beloved author in the buff. What won't Arthur Graham do for you, his reader. Well, he certainly won't bore you!
• 
  Leo Robertson

  I interviewed Arthur about this book and more, and you can listen
  here!
  
  The only thing more derivative than this was my original idea for this review. Pretending to be lecherous is top of my why-I-chose-to-be-gay list* but I see other bollock enthusiasts beat me to it :(
  
  I'm joking about the derivative thing. Graham is an excellent and prolific peddler of everything humorous and weird and I hope you're signing up for all of these. If he can keep this up (lol keep ME up with these covers amirite... sigh... and I had so many others planned...) I think we're in for an awesome monthly instalment of delights!!
  
  1. Pretending to be lecherous.
  2. Getting to marry the dumber more emotionally blunt sex so I can sometimes pretend to choke just to watch them freak out and freeze with "oh shit, I'M the adult here?!" paralysis and DUUURRRR face in case I ever think I'm in good company when it's crisis time.
  3. Gives me a card to play in defense when I become yet another alcoholic, yet another famous white male writer or both.
  4. Fully eliminated the option of me losing my virginity in high school so I could focus and get good grades.
  5. Gets me automatically higher up the NHS list if I ever want to see a therapist for free (seriously: 'Like, oh, my Dad died.'
  'Whose didn't?'
  'Also I'm gay?'
  'Right this way, sir.')
  6. Gay rights are it right now.
• 
  Harry Whitewolf

  In The Cracker-Ass Honky Blues Code, Arthur Graham writes: “I swear to God, if one more of you fuckers decides to write a book with a title that is really just a close variation on the title of another successful book, in the hopes that readers will pick up your book as well, I am going to punch a fetal panda in the snout,” and it’s little gems like that which make this zine a joy to read.
  
  Favourites in this short eclectic collection were the fan mail correspondences of the author, and the high-smirk-factor story ‘Hitler’s Bad Day’.
  
  I recommend you put a cracker in your ass and digest these honky blues just as soon as you can.
  
  
• 
  Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)*

  Sometimes being friends with authors is kind of scary..... but mostly it's amazing!
  
  I was gifted a copy of this little gem by the elvish-Arthur himself...
• 
  Igrowastreesgrow

  This collection of stories are absolutely hilarious and worth reading. I am never disappointed. I hope to read more soon!
• 
  MJ Nicholls

  Senryu Review:
  
  Bad taste craziness:
  Graham on form. (But what the
  hell is “cracker-ass”?)
• 
  India

  Dear Arthur,
  
  Are you surprised to see that I finally finished "crawling my way" through this book? I have to say, I'm definitely as big a fan as ever, although Bobby's mom is probably right.. his daddy is a bad influence for letting your books fall into his innocent hands.
  
  As it happens, trashy writing is one of my favorite things. Your writing is creative and fun, it makes me laugh out loud, and encourages me (even if it isn't your intent) to delve into raunchy writing of my own. I recommend you to friends and family all the time and will definitely recommend this as well.
  
  You keep writing and I'll keep reading and including you in my own sexually perverse fantasies.
  
  Sincerely,
  Just another slutty fan girl
  #inthespiritoffanmail
• 
  G. Brown

  Arthur Graham has done something interesting here in this chapbook: he's figured out a way to tell us a story without getting bogged down in all the boring detail of actually writing the story. He's following in the footsteps of Jorge Luis Borges, and there are a few moments (like the tale of the narrator hanging with Kerouac) that really remind me of that backhanded artistic criticism that makes me love Donald Barthelme so much. Look, I really hate Kerouac, but love him or hate him, you know who that guy is, and Art just calls it like it is.
  
  So, through a unique combination of innovation and laziness, I really think Art has hit on something really effective here, and it's particularly effective in zine format. Art making art about art.
  
  Yus.
  
  Arthur Graham is quite an interesting cat, even if he spells "pyjamas" like a filthy lime-sucking fog breather.
• 
  Jason

  I almost gave this book 5stars, almost, for reals, then I realised there was no review of Keanu Reeves greatest movie Speed. But I had been threatened by a collection of Arthur Graham lookalikes.... how the real Arthur Graham has so many at his disposal I could only guess. My guess is the Pinocchio/donkey effect, the more of his stuff you read the more you start to look like him. Anyway, I re-read the book whilst watching Keanu Reeves greatest movie Speed and have now given this book the 5stars it deserves.
  
  Soooooo in conclusion Jack Kerouac is super arrogant, he wrote loads of books and not once does he mention his best hitchhiking buddy Arthur Graham.... unless they are the same person..... oh I get it now.
• 
  Donald Armfield

  Arthur Graham is hilarious in his newest chapbook of flash fiction. "Hitlers Bad Day" and the small rant of authors naming their books after the classics. being my favorites.
  
  Note to Arthur: If that story idea is for real? Riot Forge has an anthology on the open window for subs called, "A Mouth Full of Dickens" I believe that tale you were talking about will "fit right in"
  
  Rock on!
• 
  Ju$tin

  this one had it's moments but i enjoyed arthur's other zines more. this cover was the best though. i'm not gay i'm just saying it's a really great cover and i now have it enlarged to poster size on my wall
• 
  Jeff O'Brien

  LOL ALERT! No, really. Artie Graham is fuckin hilarious. Like LOLZERZ hilarious.
  
  This here little chapbook is a collection of very short fiction and other random, unique pieces. I specifically enjoyed his review of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
  
  In 24 short pages AG manages to throw in a little social commentary -see "Fan Mail"- along with the laughs. So yeah, pick it up!
• 
  Selwa

  3.5 rounded up to 4, because I am a rounder-upper by nature.
  
  My least favorite stories were actually the longer ones (Kerouac & I and Hitler's Bad Day), but all the shorter ones were quite funny (my favorites being Staying True to Yourself, A Review of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, New Story Idea, and the last bit of Fan Mail). :)
• 
  David

  As always with Graham, fun. The Kerouac story is a favorite, though you have to love fab letters in a book discussing stories in the book. Great fun from Graham as one expects.
• 
  Rebecca Gransden

  This is the kind of thing that you read when you are stuck in a motorway service station, eating food without tasting it. Oh yeah, that Arthur Graham thing is languishing at the bottom of my backpack, that will do. Like the best inconsequential stuff it is fun and scrappy, and then deceptively consequential. For some reason six months later there will be a flashback - not ‘nam sized but still impressive - and you will see yourself reading this, sitting in that service station, receiving do-it-yourself brain spews. I read this on my laptop and denied myself all this. There is a lesson here. Get the physical specimen. And I’m not referring to the cover which has held all who have seen it spellbound, though that is very nice too obviously. Conclusion - your day will be improved if you have a butcher’s.