Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living Reviews

• 
  Lea

  One of the best non-fiction books I've read in a while.
  Contains simple yet deep lessons we have to learn in our time. The main message is a well-known one, it is not tragic to die, it is tragic to never fully live, and to be dead inside while still living.
  The chapters in here what to prevent living in an inauthentic way, without knowing yourself, with being what you truly are, or doing what you truly want, without finding the true meaning of your life. But, this is not a new age book, and nothing is sugar-coated. The book doesn't contain a special formula or way of thinking that will provide you with life without pain or sickness, but it does put a whole new perspective on suffering, one that can help you endure the storms that are a normal part of your life, accept what you can't change, and change what you can. I love the style of the book, the writing is simple, yet profound, and the lessons are interwind with author's personal stories about their patients, people they knew, themselves. It doesn't get boring or loses tempo for a second.
  If you want to look back at the end and be satisfied with how you lived in any given circumstances, if you want to live to the fullest, if you what have no regrets, and be in peace with yourself and the people around you, if you always want to feel inner freedom and love, this is the book for you. I don't recommend this book just as a doctor working in palliative care, I recommend this book as a person and human being. Will re-read it in the future.
• 
  RH Walters

  A friend of mine with cancer gave me this book, and it encompasses many of the things I've tried to learn from her. Some people don't get to the best part of their lives until the end, and the authors give us many anecdotes and insights about why that is. Sometimes hell is other people, and our perceptions, but this book shows that the opposite is also true.
• 
  David

  I am troubled by this book. My biggest problem is that the foundation is that there is a God, and that everything will work out, and is supposed to. That philosophy I think can be quite dangerous, and can be an easy excuse for a lot of bad things. I find the advice to range for good to something I'd find at a 12 step meeting. I don't mean to insult 12 step meetings, but they are filled with average folk trying to do better, and there is a belief in collective wisdom, which isn't always justified. Many of the stories are quite touching. And, I think there is often contrary advice without trying to distinguish when each is appropriate. I am sorry to say I haven't found anything particularly profound or mysterious. Perhaps I am jaded, so others may find this book profound. I also really can't stand is trying to put meaning on the death of a child, I think it dishonors the dead child.
• 
  Roe

  This book has changed my life! No other book has had such a profound effect on me. All of life's most important lessons are explained and validated by personal experiences of the authors or others.
  
• 
  Gretchen Miller

  I’ve never been inclined to pick up a self-help/spirituality book before, but Yoongi and Jungkook were seen reading this and the BTS boys never miss. This book could definitely be cheesy and trite at times, but this is the most I’ve ever bookmarked/marked up a book. The last paragraph put a lump in my throat. I’d recommend this book to really anyone as I think there's a lot to learn from this. Thank u BTS <3
• 
  Renée

  It is somewhat interesting to read about the perspective of dying people.
  It is very disturbing to read about it when the author is full of presumptions (you could call it lessons), in other words common sense psychological truths on life. I suppose most people would agree with it so would not be bothered by it.
  
  But these ideas such as ´we humans all have the same value´, ´you must first love yourself before you can love someone else´ I don't buy unless it is explained. You may not be capable of explaining it, but then at least mention that.
  Just scattering these ideas around as The Truth, annoys me.
• 
  Lisa

  After having a heart attack, a man tells us, “I realized it was not only my arteries that had hardened, I had hardened”. This is the quality of writing you can expect from this book, a Chicken Soup for the Soul knock-off with just as much god jammed in.
  
  I wish books like this came with a Maslow's hierarchy of needs printed on the back indicating which level you belong to so you would know if the authors were speaking to you. This is a book for 1. Those who believe in a higher power or divine purpose, 2. Those who have their basic economic needs met, and 3. Those who have a support system. This book does not acknowledge systems of oppression or inequality, the entire book revolves around doing a Jedi mind trick to make you think the realities of this world are trivial compared to your inner power and the power of god. I sincerely wish there wouldn’t be a single other book ever written telling the poor and suffering to be grateful for their lot, can we please start writing more books on how to overthrow our oppressors? Maybe that’s wouldn’t be as lucrative for the authors.
  
  The book has no sources, it references no studies. The entire book is made up solely of the authors personal reflections on life and death, and anecdotes to support those statements. A lot of the ideas seem to be lazily borrowed from Buddhism and expressed as superficially as possible. And there are no lessons, literally there are no lessons. There are only stories, opinions expressed. How do you achieve authenticity? How do you overcome fear? How to live in the moment? How to embrace anger? Essentially, how do you internalize anything presented in the book? You won’t find that here. The authors are just telling you what’s important, it’s up to you to do the heavy lifting. Well gee, thanks, I didn’t know authenticity and living in the moment was important, so glad someone with an M.D. was around to point it out for me.
  
  Going back to the economic insensitivity, the book has such gems like, “If you say you would steal, you probably fear that you don’t have enough”. The book literally regurgitates the tired line, “Money doesn’t buy happiness”. Haven’t we moved past this patronizing phrase? Money buys food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and education. Stop pretending it’s the money itself that matters, it’s life that matters. “Money is an experience. Different from but not better than any other experience”. This is a lie, and insulting to the reader. “Wealth and poverty are states of mind”. Stop telling the poor to be happy with their lot through mindfulness from the top of your ivory tower and start telling them to eat the damn rich.
  
  No one whose ever been abused needs to reach the chapter on love. “Love is beyond behavior”. “When you feel unloved, it is not because you are not receiving love, it is because you are withholding love”. “If you love them in spit of what they did, you will see changes, you will see all the power of the universe unleashed”. They make a big case for unconditional love, which toxic people to not respond to. Given the rates of child abuse and domestic violence in most nations, this seems completely out of touch. Please, do not provide love to people who cannot accept it, who do not respect you. And don’t be afraid to cut off toxic family, another concept they visit in pointing out how great it is our family is harder to escape from because of the hard lessons we’re forced to deal with by keeping them in our lives. Although the book does later contradict it’s advice that unconditional love is the goal, because others are not expected to give it. “Let’s ask ourselves if we are giving as much love as we wish to get, or if we expect people to love us dearly even if we are not so lovable and giving”. Rules for thee, not for me. We’re actually told that basing love on how funny we are, or how we treat our children, is conditional love and therefor not real or complete love. Like Buddhist literature, this book blatantly says were are not our actions, and leave that statement without delving into why or what we really are. A person is absolutely a sum of their thoughts, feelings, and actions. What, exactly, are we basing our love on then? What then, are we are supposed to do to “be” loving if we cannot think, feel, or behave in a loving way?
  
  The book says just once that you should not stay in an abusive relationship, but repeatedly extolls the virtues of suffering for character development. I lost count of how many times it does this. We’re told about a woman who was abused by her alcoholic father, then married an abusive alcoholic, and doing this allowed her to work through her childhood trauma. No, what it did was give her more trauma, which motivated her to seek help. Trauma is just trauma, it’s absolutely the healthy thing to do to take lessons from it, but this glorification of suffering, this idea that we lowly peons must think ourselves out of pain inflicted by others is gross. Any course in developmental psychology will tell you trauma has real and lasting effects, especially in the young. Look up toxic stress, or PTSD. Children with loving parents show us that love, that good experiences, can shape us just as much as suffering.
  
  There are portions of the book that read like straight victim blaming. “All relationships are reciprocal, meaning that we mirror our relationship partners. Since like attracts like we attract what’s inside of us”. This is the quote that follows an entire paragraph about how we shouldn’t seek to change anyone because no one is broken, no one needs to change, we should accept people for who they are and in turn we will be accepted. The entire first chapter is about seeking authenticity through change, through changing the false ideas and expectations we have about who we are. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center cites that 51% of female rape victims are raped by their partners. That’s a lot of women “mirroring” rapists and a lot of rapists who don’t need to change. If only we could accept them for who they are!
  
  The book encourages people to parse out whether or not a relationship is “right” for you (not whether it’s abusive or toxic), but doesn’t provide any details as to how (remember, there are no lessons in Life Lessons). If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship, you know just how your sense of reality becomes warped by manipulation and gaslighting. Making blanket statements like these and leaving them completely unexamined, without addressing systemic abuse, is irresponsible.
  
  Phrases like “the word of god” and “a holy child of god” appear throughout. In fact, there are no stories of the non-religious who find acceptance amidst a difficult death. The story of Margaret & Frank shows Margaret fearing an existence without her husband, but then right before death she says she has found comfort because she has been told she’s going to a place where Frank already exists, and we are then encouraged to rethink our concept of time, which is an illusion anyway, to essentially encompass other dimensions. Troy & Jackie is another story, where at the moment of death Jackie accepts there will be an “other side” at Troy’s urging.
  
  This is a religious book. If you are not religious, it is not geared towards you. The chapter on patience puts it bluntly, “The key to patience is knowing that everything is going to be fine, developing the faith that there is a plan”. First, that’s not the key to patience. You don’t need to tie the value of the virtue to a higher power, our lack of control does not mean someone else is in control. The entire book pushes this agenda, and maybe that’s why there are no instructions or exercises, because we’re not really meant to change, to alter our world. Everything is as it should be, because god made it so. So enjoy your painful death in the squalor that society has abandoned you to. Cheers. 
• 
  Shanifiction - Hanifa

  Apakah kalian Army? Buku ini dibaca oleh Yoongi dan Jungkook member BTS loh.. 👀
  
  Life Lessons ini buku nonfiksi - self improvement. Jadi penulisnya mewawancari orang-orang yang berada di ambang kematian. Dari pengalaman mereka itu kita bisa belajar banyak hal tentang kehidupan seperti cinta, kehilangan, kekuatan, rasa bersalah, amarah dll.
  
  Buku ini dibagi ke dalam 14 bab. Setiap babnya membantu aku dalam berpikir lagi mengenai hal-hal tertentu mengenai kehidupan.
  
  Aku juga belajar banyak banget dari buku ini, yang bikin ngena karena di tiap bab ada pengalaman dari orang-orang yang udah di ambang kematian mengenai topik itu.
  
  Gimana ternyata dipenghujung hidup banyak hal-hal yang disesali dan berharap waktu masih sehat/muda dulu bisa berpikir/melakukan hal yang nggak dilakukan.
  
  Nyampe banyak banget hal yang aku tandai di buku ini. Kalau suatu hari nanti aku lagi down atau ngerasa butuh diingatkan kembali, tinggal buka lagi buku ini aja sesuai topik yang cocok. 🤧
  
  Aku belum banyak baca buku self improvement, tapi menurut aku ini termasuk yang paket komplit sih karena nggak fokus di satu topik aja. Makanya aku suka bangeet.
  
  Kalau misalkan kalian memang lagi butuh buku self improvement aku rekomendasikan buku ini buat kalian baca!
  
  Biar kalian yakin cocok atau nggak sama bukunya, cek aja kutipan-kutipan yang aku bagikan di postingan ini
  https://www.instagram.com/p/Ca9mg8UrGwm/
  Aku kasih liat juga 14 bab tuh tentang apa aja.
• 
  Denise

  This is the first book written by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross that I read, and I am delighted with it. I enjoyed every bit of it. The book is also written by David Kessler, and both give us a beautiful lecture about life. I honestly think that not many of us find true joy in living and life itself. We torment ourselves with trivial everyday's stuff but miss the big picture altogether. And if anyone understands what life is all about its the dying. They know there is no more time left to waste and they trully find peace and happiness in their lasting time here. Through lots of anecdotes with their patients they share with us they remind us how to handle loss,, anger, fear, etc. They also give us a good lesson in relationships, love, happiness, and forgiveness among other aspects of life. Basically life is the school and those are the lessons we are here to learn and master. And above all we should always strive to find happinness, which is never found in the outside world or our circumstances, it's something that we can find within all the time. Definitely a good read.
• 
  Karen

  Easily the best non-fiction book I have ever read. I did the first read through without skipping around or skimming. Just like a chapter book, page by page. I have no doubt I will read this book a number of times as it is a book not to be read so much as studied, committed to memory and applied. I have a hard copy that I'll soon attack with my highlighters and I plan to purchase a digital copy as well. Can't say enough positive things about this work. It quite literally changed my life when it gave me the information I desperately needed to make peace with my oldest son's very sudden and unexpected death from pulmonary embolism at the age of 28. It also gave me the knowledge that all is as it should be, so that I may let him go, while still looking forward to the time when we will be together again. This book is a gift! Treasure it!!
• 
  mana

  what a very intriguing book. i couldn’t stop reading it.
  this self-help book is so real. it opens your eyes on topics you aware of but never really put much thought into.
  
  wonderful book and definitely recommended!
• 
  egg

  was actually expecting a bit more than this
  i felt extremely lukewarm towards this book from the moment i read the authors' note until the end.
  this book is probably more suitable to people who are actually dying, as the authors' attitude towards the reader is a bit too "warm" in my opinion
  i don't think i have learnt anything new about the "mysteries" of life and living from this book, most of the topics have been covered in spiritual/religious blogs, magazines, books and other reading materials. (the religious tone in this book puts me off, but i guess this is a matter of personal preference)
  despite that, this book has reminded me of some of my own emotions and attitude towards other people. i had an argument with my mother while reading the lesson covering anger, the authors reminded me that my mother was mad because i made her hurt and afraid. those words diffused my anger and i was able to reflect on my own actions that caused her distress.
  but aside from that and a couple of quotes, there wasn't much i can gain from this book.
  
• 
  Sylvia

  Las lecciones de vida que nos muestras Elisabeth y David creo que a todos nos pueden ayduar en cierto momento.
  Pero me pareció muy repetido todo, no tengo nada en contra de los libros motivacionales, pero este me pareció eterno...
• 
  Meepspeeps

  This was a book club selection that was a combination of new age psycho babble and some really simple advice. Readers just have to figure out what's what and how to apply it. There are better books out there like Being Mortal and many devotionals.
• 
  K.M. Weiland

  A beautiful book with interesting insights. Nothing unforeseen, but good reminders about what it really means to live a full and meaningful life with no regrets.
• 
  Cat

  too religious and a bit too preachy of bullshit sometimes but it collects some interesting stories and experiences from the authors.
• 
  Özben Yıldız

  It has been a legendary guide for a new life...
• 
  Linda Vituma

  Tik patiesi un tik tukši visi šie grāmatas vārdi izklausās. Vai maz ir iespējams par nāvi pirms nāves kaut ko uzzināt? Vai ir iespējams pirms nomiršanas mirstošam līdzās būt? Nebaidīties? Šķiet neaptverami un tik pašsaprotami vienlaikus. Viena no pirmajām, pilnīgi noteikti ne pēdējām grāmatām par nāves tēmu. Ienākusi manā dzīvē. Jau kopš piedzimšanas brīža? Cik eksistenciāli.
• 
  ansvarcova

  Konečně kniha z oblasti osobního rozvoje, která mi přišla fakt dobře napsaná a mající hlavu a patu. Je rozdělena na kapitoly, přičemž každá kapitola nám sděluje určitou lekci. Ať už jde o Lekci odpuštění, Lekci hry nebo třeba Lekci lásky. V každé kapitole se autoři střídají a tak nám umožňují nahlédnout na problémy ze dvou pohledů, které se ve finále skvěle doplňují.
  Kniha mě zase určitým směrem posunula a spoustu věcí, které se mi v životě dějí, vysvětlila. Určitě doporučuju!
• 
  Honeypie

  감사합나다, 윤기씨 for this "book reco".
  
  As with many books, it was a bit of a drag starting to read it. Initially, it felt like, "tell me something I don't know". But eventually, it turned to, "oh right. That makes sense", "Ahhh agree!!" and other similar thoughts. The short, real-life stories are very helpful to capture the specific life lesson for each chapter. I'm glad there were enough for each chapter. It just makes it easier grasping what the authors wanted to convey. Cause it's one thing to be told about what to do; it's another thing to hear it from the experiences of others.... well, and also a whole other thing when you experience it yourself.
  
  Overall, I think this book is highly recommended. The chapters are divided per theme (Love, Play, Anger, Forgiveness, etc.). And I feel like it's easy to go back and re-read each chapter/topic, whenever one needs a reminder how to live life to its fullest in every moment.
  
  -----
  
  If you dance at a lot of weddings, you'll cry at a lot of funerals. This means if you're present at many beginnings, you'll also be there for many endings. If you have many friends, you'll experience your share of losses. If you feel that you're suffering great loss, it's only because you have been so richly blessed by life.
• 
  Kristin

  One of the best books I’ve ever read. I had the privilege of seeing David Kessler speak in person at an event a few years ago & had purchased the book at that time & just got around to reading it. I’m so glad I did. This book is told from the unique perspective of grief experts Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler, outlining the 14 life lessons we can learn from those at the end of life. This book is all about how to live your best life possible while you’re still able. Very impactful book I will most likely revisit time & time again.
• 
  Ani Vardanyan

  Some of my Facebook friends must be on the verge of dying every time they post a status. The level of profundity is quite similar. If these are the life lessons to be learned from the dying then there's nothing to learn. I'd imagine any intelligent being bound by mortality mulls over and questions the same ideas and values constantly throughout their life.
• 
  Siia Semenova

  4,5/5
• 
  Dee Dee G

  I don’t think I was in the right mindset to read this. I may read it again at another time.
• 
  Ma Cyntia GoFi

  ¡¡Realmente son grandes lecciones de vida!!
  
  Al terminar el libro, pensaba, en que no nacemos completos, que  completarse es formarse y con ello, entender  cómo funciona la vida, una tarea nada fácil, pero la vida es lo que Tú decides que sea...una vez más puedo decir con certeza, que con todo lo que conlleva vivir, la Vida es Bella...siiii parece título de película 😅.
• 
  Priskylla Anindya

  📚📖Buku ini menjadi salah satu buku yang berada di TBRku, selain karena buku ini sempat menjadi trend di kalangan booktok dan bookstagram, buku ini juga dibaca oleh Yoongi dan Jungkook BTS🐈‍⬛🐇. Well, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross bukanlah nama yang asing bagi mahasiswa Psikologi karena beliau yang menciptakan salah satu teori terkenal berkaitan dengan kedukaan, yaitu Five Stages of Grief. Buku ini juga tidak jauh-jauh dari kisah tentang kedukaan, bagaima orang-orang yang berduka itu mengatasi dukacitanya, juga bagaimana pandangan Elisabeth dan David mengenai perasaan duka tersebut. As I said before, referensi buku bacaan BTS itu berbobot dan kontennya berat, nah begitupun dengan Life Lessons ini💜. Aku butuh waktu cukup lama untuk menyelesaikan keseluruhan buku ini, selain karena kontennya yang berat, ada beberapa bagian yang membuatku merasa tidak nyaman dan beberapa kali aku harus mengambil jeda. Tapi, sesuai dengan judul bukunya, banyak banget pelajaran berharga tentang kehidupan yang bisa aku dapatkan sewaktu membaca Life Lessons���🌿
  
  Buku ini dibagi ke dalam beberapa poin penting, yaitu love, authenticity, fear, play, surrender, forgiveness, happiness, relationships, loss, power, guilt, time, anger, dan patience.
  
  ❤️💞Love membahas mengenai bagaimana cinta, kedamaian hidup, dan rasa syukur menjadi harta tak ternilai yang dimiliki individu. Individu dapat memiliki kekuatan ketika individu tersebut memiliki cinta, kedamaian, dan rasa syukur. Poin kedua adalah authenticity yang membahas mengenai bagaimana individu melihat dirinya, melihat diri orang lain yang sesungguhnya, dirinya dan diri orang lain yang apa adanya. Karena kehidupan kita adalah kehidupan yang berharga. Life is about being, not doing. Poin ketiga dari buku ini mengenai rasa takut (fear), rasa takut adalah hal yang wajar dan normal dalam hidup ini, terutama rasa takut akan kegagalan. Tapi pada poin ini aku belajar bahwa kadangkala rasa takut yang aku rasakan itu bukan untuk melindungiku, tapi lebih kepada menahanku untuk berada di zona aman. Satu hal yang aku sadari adalah waktu yang aku miliki itu terbatas dan aku harus belajar untuk berani keluar dari comfort zone, it’s okay kalau mencoba dan gagal, itu tidak berarti kisahku berhenti ketika mengalami kegagalan. Poin berikutnya adalah play, iya play bermain. Pada bagian ini aku diingatkan untuk sedikit bersantai dan menikmati hidup karena terkadang yang kita butuhkan adalah hal-hal sederhana seperti bernyanyi, menari, berenang, memasak, bermain games, atau melakukan kesukaan yang lainnya tanpa memikirkan itu akan membuang waktu yang berharga. Poin berikutnya adalah tentang surrender, surrender di dalam buku ini berarti berserah ya bukan menyerah. Aku diingatkan untuk belajar berserah, aku mengerjakan bagianku sebaik mungkin, sisanya kuserahkan pada Tuhan dan semesta. Karena terkadang memang ada hal-hal yang tidak akan bisa kita kendalikan bagaimanapun kita berusaha melakukannya. Poin berikutnya adalah tentang forgiveness, bagian ini cukup berat buatku karena memang ada pengalaman yang membuatku semakin teringat akan proses memaafkan. Melalui bagian forgiveness ini aku belajar bahwa ketika kita memaafkan, itu bukan untuk orang lain melainkan untuk ketenangan dan kebahagiaan diri kita, memaafkan adalah cara untuk sembuh dan menjadi utuh. Aku juga belajar untuk melihat bahwa mungkin saja sebenarnya orang yang melukaiku itu tidak sengaja melakukannya, hanya saja memang dia sedang berada dalam kondisi yang tidak baik atau dia juga pernah terluka dan belum sembuh dari lukanya. Akupun juga pasti pernah berada pada posisi tersebut, aku tidak ingin menyakiti orang lain, tapi secara tidak sadar aku melakukannya karena aku belum selesai dengan luka di masa laluku. That’s why we need to learn how to forgive, right? Tapi sebelum kita memutuskan untuk memaafkan orang lain yang bersalah pada kita, kita harus belajar untuk memaafkan dan menerima diri ini atas apapun yang telah terjadi. Ada beberapa kalimat yang aku suka dan memberikanku insight, “If we were perfect, we won’t be here at all. And the only way to learn to forgive ourselves is to make a few mistakes. We did what we did because we’re human. If we did something so terrible that we can’t forgive ourselves, we can always give it to God to handle. We can say “God, I cant forgive myself yet. Can you forgive me and help me find forgiveness in myself?” Remember that forgiveness isn’t a once-in-a-lifetime task, it’s ongoing. It’s our spiritual maintenance plan. Forgiveness helps keep us at peace and in touch with love. Our only task is to try to open our hearts again.” Sewaktu membaca kalimat-kalimat tersebut aku diingatkan lagi untuk terus belajar memaafkan diriku dan ketika aku tidak mampu melakukannya, aku bisa meminta pertolongan Tuhan untuk memampukanku melakukannya. Why? Because He forgave me first and He’ll do it again and again. Kalau Tuhan saja memaafkanku berkali-kali, mengapa aku tidak bisa melakukannya terhadap diriku dan orang lain yang menyakitiku? Seriously, sewaktu mebaca bagian forgiveness ini rasanya seperti mendapat banyak nasihat dan dukungan, meskipun bagian ini juga banyak membuatku tidak nyaman. Berikutnya adalah tentang happiness, kebahagiaan. Tidak ada individu yang tidak ingin merasakan kebahagiaan, tapi terkadang kita bisa saja merasa bersalah atau takut saat bahagia. Ada satu kalimat sederhana di dalam buku ini yang membuat hatiku hangat ketika membacanya, “we feel guilty being happy, and we wonder how we can strive to be happy when so many people are less fortunate than we are. Or, as someone blatanly put it, “why shoould you be happy?” The answer is that you’re God’s precious child. You were meant to enjoy all the wonders around you.” Sederhananya, Tuhan mau kita bahagia karena kita anak-Nya, karena kita berharga untuk-Nya, dan memang kita ada untuk menikmati keajaiban yang ada di sekitar kita. Aku juga belajar bahwa happiness bukanlah tentang suatu hal atau suatu kejadian tertentu yang terlihat bisa mendatangkan kebahagiaan. Kita adalah penentu dari kebahagiaan itu, bukan hal-hal di sekitar kita.
  
  💕❣️Bagian berikutnya adalah persoalan relationships, pada bagian ini aku diingatkan kembali untuk tidak memberikan tanggungjawab kepada orang lain untuk membuatku bahagia, membuatku merasa aman, dan membuatku merasa utuh karena memang itu bukanlah tanggungjawab mereka. Berada dalam relationships tidak akan membuat kita sembuh dari luka-luka di masa lalu, jadi jangan berharap bahwa orang-orang itu akan menyembuhkan atau membuat kita utuh. Kita harus menemukan perasaan utuh dan lengkap di dalam diri sendiri, karena itu sebelum memulai sebuah hubungan kita harus memastikan bahwa diri kita sudah pulih dari luka masa lalu, sudah bahagia dan merasa utuh sebagai individu. Kalau kita tidak bahagia saat sendiri, kita juga tidak akan bahagia saat menjalin hubungan romantis. Berikutnya adalah mengenai loss atau kehilangan, Elisabeth menjelaskan bahwa ada 5 tahapan yang biasanya dilalui ketika seseorang mengalami kehilangan: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, dan acceptance. Dari bagian ini, aku belajar bahwa setiap emosi yang dirasakan individu itu valid dan it’s okay untuk merasakan emosi-emosi itu. It’s okay ketika kehilangan lalu kemudian kita measa hampa, tidak berdaya, tidak berharga, marah, takut, sedih, kecewa, ataupun perasaan-perasaan negatif lainnya, karena untuk merasakan healing itu bukanlah sesuatu yang instan. Terkadang healing terasa seperti menaiki rollercoaster, terkadang kita merasa utuh lalu kemudian bisa saja tiba-tiba merasa putus asa, terkadang bisa saja terlihat progress yang begitu baik namun setelahnya kita merasa tidak berharga dan seperti kembali di awal kita memulai healing tersebut. It’s okay, that’s healing. You’ll heal, we’ll heal. We may not get back what we’ve lost, but we can heal. Poin berikutnya yang dibahas dalam buku ini adalah tentang kekuatan atau power, kadangkala ketika kita tidak mampu melakukan atau mengatasi sesuatu hal, kita merasa tak berdaya dan tidak memiliki kekuatan apapun. Tapi dari bagian ini, aku belajar bahwa kekuatan yang kita miliki tidaklah berasal dari kedudukan atau posisi, banyaknya materi, atau karir yang menarik. Kekuatan kita adalah ketika kita menjadi autentik, memiliki kejujuran dan integritas, serta menunjukkan kasih kepada orang di sekitar kita. Berikutnya adalah mengenai guilt atau rasa bersalah yang pasti pernah dirasakan oleh setiap orang. Di buku ini dijelaskan bahwa salah satu akar dari guilt adalah unhappy self-judgment yang biasanya diajarkan dari kita kecil, misalnya seperti kita diajarkan untuk selalu menjadi anak yang baik seperti harapan kebanyakan orang, tapi ketika kita dewasa dan tidak bisa menjadi anak yang baik sesuai dengan harapan, kita akan merasa gagal dan merasa bersalah. It’s okay ketika kita merasa bersalah, tapi rasa bersalah itu perlu diproses. “We can confess our feelings of guilt. When we confess, we release the burden of the secret and often encounter the grace of knowing that we’re loved by a power greater than ourselves. We can also learn that we’re still worthy of love from others. The key of healing is forgiveness. Forgiveness means acknowledging the past and letting it go. Anything that you think you’re guilty of can be cleaned and purified with forgiveness. You’ve been hard on others your whole life, and you’ve been even harder on yourself. Now, it’s time to release all these judgments. As a holy child of God, you don’t deserve to be punished. Once you forgive yourself and others, the guilt is no longer yours to keep. We don’t deserve guilt, we deserve forgiveness. When we learn this lesson, we’re truly free. Poin berikutnya adalah mengenai waktu atau time, aku belajar untuk menghargai waktu karena waktu yang kumiliki itu terbatas. Aku juga diingatkan bahwa hal-hal di masa lalu bukanlah rantai yang mengikat kita dan kita bisa menjadi pribadi baru yang lebih baik jika kita fokus pada masa sekarang. Berikutnya adalah mengenai anger, amarah itu emosi yang normal dan wajar dialami individu. Kita perlu mengekspresikan amarah dengan cara yang tepat dan bijaksana karena jika tidak diekspresikan dengan cara tepat atau amarah itu ditekan, amarah tersebut dapat menjadi masalah yang tidak terselesaikan dan akan menjadi semakin besar di kemudian hari. Bagian terakhir dari buku ini adalah mengenai patience, kesabaran. Well, talking about patience pasti bukanlah hal yang mudah karena dalam kehidupan kita diperhadapkan dengan banyak hal yang menghabiskan kesabaran kita. Tapi dari bagian ini aku perlu belajar bahwa jika sesuatu tidak bisa dirubah, aku perlu melihatnya bukan sebagai sesuatu hal yang “broken”, tapi aku perlu belajar untuk memiliki keyakinan di dalam setiap proses menghadapi hal-hal yang belum terungkap. Karena di dalam keyakinan yang kita miliki, tidak ada pengalaman yang sia-sia. Kita juga perlu mengingat bahwa Tuhan dan semesta tidak hanya bekerja di dalam situasi, tetapi juga di dalam kita.
  
  🔥✨In the end, memang tidak mudah untuk menyelesaikan buku ini karena konten yang dibahas memang berat, mengenai kehidupan, permasalahan-permasalahan hidup, bahkan hingga kematian. Tapi menurutku buku ini bagus banget untuk berefleksi tentang kehidupan bukan hanya dari pandangan Elisabeth dan David, tetapi juga dari cerita hidup yang dituliskan dalam buku ini. Aku jadi penasaran gimana pendapat Yoongi dan Jungkook saat mereka berdua membaca buku ini? Gimana pandangan dan cara mereka menghadapi masalah-masalah hidup? Gimana pandangan mereka mengenai penyakit dan kematian? Ah rasanya ingin sekali mengajak dua manusia itu berdiskusi, pasti bakalan banyak banget dapat insight dan pandangan yang baru👀👀
• 
  Doug Dunbar

  So much to think about. I’ll be reading this again.
• 
  Jime

  Qué pena que el periodo de lectura de este libro haya concluido. Ha sido de gran ayuda, a lo mejor no siempre logramos conectar con las enseñanzas de los libros de autoayuda o nos encontramos con cosas que ya sabemos, pero es bueno recibir aportes,abramos nuestro corazón a ello.
  Estoy continuamente buscando formas de cómo mejorar en muchos aspectos en mi vida. Este libro ha llegado en el momento indicado. Muchas gracias a twitter y a Jungkook por aparecer leyendo este libro en mi página principal, de ahora en más voy a tomar todas estas lecciones en cuenta y llevar una mejor vida. Esa es mi promesa, por esa Jimena que se sentía perdida en un año donde todo se vino abajo, y que ya no quiere seguir ahí, para darme cuenta que no estoy estancada, y que continúo tal como la vida lo hace. Hay muchas frases de este libro que me voy a llevar conmigo como afirmación,he guardado las lecciones más primordiales para mí en una página en Notion que he creado. ¡Creo que deberían intentarlo!
  
• 
  Eileen

  I re-read this book after twenty years and if I’m around in another twenty, I will read it again.
  Very wise words on how to live our lives. I have deep respect for both authors.