Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan E. Coyote

Tomboy Survival Guide Reviews

• 
  Allison

  You know what I love in a person?
  
  Competence.
  
  You know what else I love? Intelligence.
  
  Layer on top of all that a good dose of kindness, and I am smitten. Completely in love.
  
  I have fallen for
  Ivan E. Coyote in the same way that I am star-struck and weak-kneed over
  Barack Obama and
  Carol Off. I'm awed and breathlessly impressed. I want to have Coyote over for dinner. I want them to speak at my kids' school -- and maybe they will, if I have anything to do with it. I can't wait to have the opportunity to see them speak sometime, and I hope that is sooner than later.
  
  Not sure how you feel about transgender issues? Feeling ignorant on the topic? Open-minded but uninformed? Closed-minded but ultimately still human? Read this book. It's utterly convincing and I doubt anyone could come out from it unchanged. I loved every single page of this book.
• 
  CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian

  In case you had the wild notion that it wouldn’t be: Ivan Coyote’s latest and unbelievably 11th book is just as great, and possibly greater, than everything they’ve done up until now. If you’ve never read an Ivan Coyote book before, Tomboy Survival Guide would be a great one to start with, as I think it really shows this celebrated writer and storyteller at the height of their powers. But if you’ve read every single book Coyote has written, and seen them multiple times doing live performances like recent collaborations with Vivek Shraya, you will definitely still enjoy this collection of personal short stories. Knowing what to expect with their books is kind of awesome actually: it’s like coming home...
  
  See my full review on my blog
  here
  
• 
  Krista

  You don't have to look a certain way to be a tomboy. Don't let anyone tell you that, ever, and please don't find that here in my words. Tomboy thrums in your heart. It's in your head. It's what is holding your spine in place. It can't be hidden by a haircut. It's not about nail polish or not. It's running right now in your veins. If it is in you, you already know. Tomboy blood is so much bigger than the outside of you.

  
  I guess I'm late to the Ivan Coyote party.
  Tomboy Survival Guide is their (Coyote uses the pronouns “they” and “their” to refer to themself) eleventh book, and as Coyote seems to be about my own age, they would appear to have been at the vanguard of writing about the trans person experience. I can only imagine how scary and lonely it must have been in their early career to be openly pushing for understanding and acceptance for something that most of us had no exposure to, and I do hope that Coyote's everyday experiences have been improved by the growing presence of trans persons in the news and in the entertainment industry. I think that most people read in order to learn about the lives of others (and by extension, learn about ourselves) and this book of essays about Coyote's life taught me plenty; it would be of interest to any person who cares about people; it couldn't help but spread empathy and understanding; read it.
  
  Coyote was born in the Yukon, into what appears to have been a large and supportive family; and while some early family drama is hinted at (and may well have been described in their earlier books), they would seem to now be in a place of love and acceptance. The essays in this collection range from the first time – at five years old – that Coyote remembers feeling pride at being mistaken for a little boy, through their awkward adolescence as they tried to figure out just what they were, to early dating and workplace experiences, to their present as a respected writer, performer, and public speaker. As we are about the same age, I identified with all of the cultural references, and as a fellow Canadian, I enjoyed the recognisable geographical bits (loved the mental picture of playing softball under a midnight sun). Mostly, I appreciated the learning I gained about the non-binary experience: Coyote may have been born with female parts, but they never felt like a girl, exactly, but not like a boy either; “lesbian” would seem to be the wrong word, too, and “trans person” will need to do if I need a term:
  
  

  My day-to-day struggles are not so much between me and my body. I am not trapped in the wrong body; I am trapped in a world that makes very little space for bodies like mine. I live in a world where public washrooms are a battle ground, where politicians can stand up and be applauded for putting forth an amendment barring me from choosing which gendered bathroom I belong in. I live in a world where my trans sisters are routinely murdered without consequence or justice. I live in a world where trans youth get kicked out onto the street by their parents who think their God is standing behind them as they close their front doors on their own children. Going to the beach is an act of bravery for me. None of this is a battle between me and my own flesh. For me to be free, it is the world that has to change, not trans people.

  
  This is not an angry or political book; Coyote's tone is easy, engaging, and often humourous. However, as Coyote is a public speaker, some of these essays felt a little performative – as though written to be spoken aloud to a crowd rather than read; but that's a small complaint. The text includes charming diagrams (from how to tie useful knots to the assembly of an iron), short observations from the real world, and a few responses to the people who have written to Coyote for advice:
  
  

  I promise you that you are not alone. I'm here. I'm here and I see you. I feel you. I was you, and I am you. It's not you, it's them. It really is. And those boxes, those binaries, those bathroom signs, those rigid roles, they hurt them too, they do, they carve away at their souls and secret desires and self-esteem and believable dreams and possible wardrobes and acceptable careers just like they do ours, just it's harder for them to tell it's happening on account of no one is hassling them in the bathrooms every other day about it. They somehow just fit better in those boxes, so they can't see what fitting has cost them, not like we can.

  
  This book is a conversation, not a lecture, and I enjoyed every bit of it; learned much. (I will, however, need to think hard about whether or not baby-showers-as-gender-reveal-parties are nothing more than an attempt to hang a burdensome label on the unborn; I honestly don't see us moving into some post-gender world.) This deserves to be read widely and I wish Ivan Coyote all the best.
• 
  Ambra

  I didn't love this book. All of it was deeply relatable - maybe relatable to a point of me not feeling any need to read my daily experiences written out by someone else. I know, I know what it feels like to be yelled at in public women's bathrooms because they think you're a man. How unsafe it feels to have to get changed in 'women's' changing rooms - the stares, the whispers, being seen as a creep.
  What I understand as well is being so tired of being seen as 'less than' (especially in your teens) that developing a mindset of 'all these girls are stupid, look at them complying to gender stereotypes, I'm the only individual here and thus better than them' in order to survive the bullying and harassment can be the only way to cope. But one day you leave high school. You realise 'other women' are anything but the enemy. You realise they are complicated and wonderful and that they will accept you because they too have grown up since high school. And you don't need to put them down in order to survive. You realise this was just a coping mechanism.
  I don't know Ivan Coyote personally, but this book makes it seem like they have never gotten to that point. Referring to straight women as 'dedicated c*ck lovers' and spending chapter upon chapter describing how everyone you ever went to school or work with is absolutely incapable and also stupid. All they care about is their nails. Again, I completely understand the need for this mindset in order to cope. But I think even more essential to survival as a butch/transmasc person is to outgrow this way of thinking.
• 
  Louise

  I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed reading this book, by a newly discovered author. Coyote writes with much humour and compassion, and evoked so many memories for me. Fighting with siblings over the best individual cereal boxes with the perforated lines. Are You There God, it's Me Margaret. Crime of the Century. Tea for the Tillerman. Twister. Lite Brite. Many parts of my childhood resurfaced while I read this engaging book.
• 
  Robert Pearson

  Everyone should read this. There were a few stories not quite as strong as the others, but it feels like I am quibbling.
• 
  đurđa

  My new shirt. Plaid on the outside, but with flowers on the inside. Just like me.
• 
  Ann-Marie

  The Canada Reads 2018 theme is "one book to open your eyes"... This memoir made the long list but shockingly not the short list?! It can only be defined as an eye opening read for anyone, particularly those of us that fall into the mainstream heterosexual culture. Even those who claim to be open minded and welcoming.... Ivan Coyote invites us into the inside pysche and constant turmoil, even in acceptance, those who define themselves as Trans, deal with every single day. It's brilliant, beautifully written patchwork of stories, piece of Canadian art. A must read and a must discuss book. A true shame it's not on the CBC short list.
• 
  Eileen Mackintosh

  This is the second book I have read by this author. I thoroughly enjoy their writing style. So easy to read. I read their work to get a better understanding of the transgender experience. I always remember Oprah saying something along the lines of, when you know better, you do better. I think we can all do better. It is always great to know that no matter what we are going through that we are not alone. This book (and also Care Of) can be that for the LGBTQ2+.
  #indigoemployee
• 
  Dhwani

  All the feels.
  
  "If anyone pinches anyone non-consensually, a unicorn can smell it and avoid the area, sometimes for months after the incident."
  this made me way too happy.
• 
  Rebecca Jessen

  'Writing about vulnerable things doesn't make me feel vulnerable. Writing about my tenderest bits is the only way I know how to have power over them. Staying silent would leave me alone with them. My silence is what makes me vulnerable.'
  
  I have all the feels for this book and this beautiful human. There is such warmth in these stories, I cried more than a few times at points of difference and similarity. Read it so you understand, even just a little, what that other life is like - that life you have never even considered that some people are living. Read it so you understand how something as seemingly simple as going to the bathroom can become a personal battleground. Read it - just read it.
• 
  Katie

  As always, Ivan Coyote gets me right in the feels. I haven't encountered any other authors' works that make me feel as understood, comforted, and part of a community. As a gender non-conforming person, their stories soothe my soul especially in these tumultuous political times.
  
  In this collection of all new stories, Ivan weaves tales of first loves, navigating growing up different, dealing with strangers and friends and gender, unexpectedly inspirational school presentations, and how grandparents connect families in a magical way. Individually and all together, they create a beautiful work of art and storytelling.
• 
  Rosie

  "I am not trapped in the wrong body, I am trapped in a world that makes very little space for bodies like mine." This book is warm, well written, and moving. Detailed snapshots of Ivan's life show their struggles with not fitting into a gender binary as a young tomboy turned butch. But Ivan also highlights the pockets of beauty throughout their life, such as the relationship with their grandmother, who had secrets of her own she didn't share until much later in her life. I felt like I was really immersed in Ivan's life with this memoir. Coyote's books not only resonate with transfolks, but also with anyone who has ever not fit neatly into an expected label.
• 
  Em

  My friend Becki gave this book to me when she finished reading it for Curious Iguana's Read Broader initiative, and I'm so grateful she did. Ivan Coyote is a wonderful storyteller--honest, warm and true.
• 
  Flint Xavier

  "I am not trapped in the wrong body; I am trapped in a world that makes very little space for bodies like mine"
  
  I have been trying to write a review for this book all morning, but I just can't think of the words for Coyote's writing. I absolutely loved this book.
• 
  Bonnie

  stone butch blues 2: 2 fast 2 stone
• 
  Jonah

  I'm struggling with my thoughts on this because while I feel like it was at times a poignant, introspective memoir of a trans person there were some messages I didn't agree with in the book.
  
  I felt like the author wanted this to both be a memoir relatable to trans people and also a "trans 101" for cis people. Maybe these two can coexist but I wish Coyote would have chosen a more clear route, either make a memoir/educational book for cis people or write a poignant trans memoir and limit your audience to only trans people, although the audience already is limited with this one.
  
  I disliked some parts in this trying to educate cis people about trans people, particularly public bathrooms came up a lot, where I felt like the author was trying to get cis people to "accept" that trans people existed instead of doing the work to be an ally, but then would counteract these messages while describing their own trans experiences. I was confused on the intended audience and some of the takeaways, but still found parts relatable and sometimes amusing. The writing style wasn't so much my personal taste but still engaging and had moments of great authenticity that I really appreciated. Being as vulnerable about the trans experience as Coyote is in this book is an admirable thing, and I'm glad I can read books like this one even if I don't fully agree with everything in it.
• 
  Morgan

  I finished this in one sitting and had to have a little cry. Moving and fantastically well written.
• 
  Emmkay

  3.5 stars. I like Ivan Coyote's story-telling style a lot, and would love to see them perform one day. This memoir/collection has an easy humour and is moving, as it explores their working-class Yukon/BC roots, family history, and experiences living first as a lesbian and then as transgender. It was less of a revelation for me than their previous work with Rae Spoon,
  Gender Failure, but I think would make a great introduction for many readers who aren't all that familiar with transgender issues and don't have transgender friends or family.
• 
  Lisa H

  I loved this book. Ivan is an amazing storyteller and I felt so many emotions while reading tales of their life. I identified with so much of it. I laughed. I cried. Each of the chapters were touching, some in ways that I didn't expect. this is a must read for anyone who has ever given any thought to what gender is and what it is like to live somewhere beyond the two tiny boxes that our society has given us.
• 
  Danika at The Lesbrary

  I loved this! I really missed reading Ivan Coyote's writing. It's just so... fortifying.
• 
  Viviane

  they made me cry and laugh at the same time, and help me realize a bit more of who I am. this is how I want to write.
• 
  Yukari Peerless

  Ivan Coyote is a national treasure.
• 
  Veronica

  Gosh, this book.
  
  This book is just so full of blood-pounding, joy-brimming, defiant-shining, soft-understanding, compassionate-hugging, sheer heart.
  
  I love the joy and good humour, the underlying kindness in all of these stories. Coyote shares tales from their Yukon, working-class town childhood, their early adult life in trades in Vancouver, and their thoughts and insight into their personal journey to get where they are today. Not just in terms of gender exploration, but of life and growing up and all the things that come with it. Of course, the theme is “tomboy,” and perhaps the most charming part of this is the way Ivan plays with this word and challenging its meaning while celebrating it; butch, masc, trans, queer, LGBT+, male, female, non-binary, sporty, feminine and not: Ivan makes it clear that your tomboy life is yours to make your own.
  
  This book is an uplifting one; even when Ivan is talking about hard things, the stories and overall tone is one of warmth and hope. There are some gorgeous poetic moments, as well, such as when they answer the question of someone’s letter asking “when they knew”:
  
  “Mostly I think people just want to know they are not alone, that they are not the only one trying to swallow and breathe around the big empty abandoned town hall their heart is echoing inside of. Should I tell them the truth, I wonder? Do they really want to know I feel just as lost as they do, some days? Are two lost people any better off when they find each other?”
  
  There are gleeful, wonderful, light-hearted moments, too, such as the story of Ivan giving a fellow trade student advice on his marriage, or their lovely advice on setting a unicorn trap. (No, not that kind of unicorn trap.)
  
  I listened to this as an audiobook, which was quite a treat. Ivan is a renowned storyteller for good reason; I loved the genuinely welcoming tone and sly sense of humour that shone through. Mostly, though, it’s a book full of heart, which is apt, considering the cover. It’s a beautifully fitting read for Pride month, yes, but really, for anytime. After all, we’ve all got hearts. They all beat full of love.
  
• 
  Brandon

  Ivan Coyote recounts their time growing up a tomboy in Northern Canada as well as the struggle they endured - and continue to endure - surrounding their gender identity.
  
  It’s not often I’ll approach a writer eleven books deep into their catalog without beginning at the beginning but given this is more of a catch-all memoir in the style of popular modern essay writers like David Sedaris, Tomboy Survival Guide was as good a spot as any to approach Ivan.
  
  Stories like this are a sobering reminder that while I did have some hardship growing up, they’re peanuts compared to the adversity some have faced.  The stories contained in this book run the gamut from touching to humorous to downright upsetting.  I can’t even imagine what it was like to be on the other end of the treatment Ivan received from the close-minded and homophobic as they made their way through their early years.  Ivan would have to have grown some thick skin to deal with this level of harassment.
  
  Even though Ivan would have to have hardened up during their life, the book never feels aggressive or adversarial.  It very much feels like a discussion with the author, something that many people desperately need to truly understand where someone like Ivan is coming from.  Sure, we may have progressed a lot as a society in 2019 in terms of inclusion, there are always going to be people who shut down those who feel or express themselves differently.  My favorite story in the whole book deals with this type of person - or so Ivan thought.  After speaking at a school, Ivan is approached by a man who opposed Ivan’s views and had been worried about what Ivan may say in front of his child.  I won’t further spoil it, but it’s a great moment that certainly speaks to misconception.
  
  There are several books that precede this one by the author - as well as a new one titled “Rebent Sinner” - that I now plan to check out.  However, I can say that I definitely recommend Tomboy Survival Guide.
• 
  Michael Belcher

  4/5–The sections of “Tomboy Survival Guide” feel like looser, more jovial Hannah Gatsby routines: thoughtfully comedic, full of wised-up observations. Coyote’s stories are shot through with kindnesses, like cloud-splitting sun beams, and their ability to focus on the positive is not only Herculean, it’s incredibly brave. A willingness to stare down bitterness and then take a detour around it—though, sometimes, they give their antagonizers their just desserts in delicious ways. Far from naive, Coyote is absolutely clear-eyed about the violent prejudices and tendencies of (mostly) men, but unwilling to stoop to their level. An antidote to the self-absorbed rage of an Édouard Louis. There is a spontaneous quality to the writing, strung with rhetorical questions, which can sometimes feel slapdash. But, mostly, it feels as though you’re getting the thoughts as they come, fresh and unvarnished. Coyote able to put a lump in my throat and transition it, often, into tears.
  
  The quality trails off at the end, growing repetitive and self-congratulatory—a segment about a gender reveal party is especially weak and confusing—but Coyote remains an affable guide through the thickets of gender and interpersonal communication.
• 
  Gregory

  CanadaReads longlist time is upon us and I have already found a book that made me feel as much as Andre Alexis's Fifteen Dogs. The pictures of being young here are bonkers accurate and real that I don't normally find in books I normally read: the giant pedestal the small corn pops box that you can use the microperf'd parts to make a cardboard bowl out of the box... frig, that was such a perfect way to capture being a kid.
  
  There is a story in here about Ivan going to a school in Oregon to talk and it made me almost cry. There's a story in here about Ivan and their tool box in school that made me almost cry. For both entirely different reasons. This book matches youthful tenderness with a fire that makes you mad as hell! I loved it.
  
  I honestly probably wouldn't have picked up this writer without CanadaReads and... that's why CanadaReads is important, its GOOD.
  
  
• 
  Sara

  This is the second book I've read by Ivan and I now want to read all of their work.
  
  I didn't find it as soothing or as hopeful as "Care Of" but it was still a very good read. This is almost a short story collection; each chapter follows a different story and point in time. Some are written like letters, others are songs and of course some are stories. They talk about being trans, family, rape, washroom debates and so much more.
  
  I'm excited to read more of their work and hopefully one day I can see them live!
  
  #IndigoEmployee