Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction by Sabrina Chap

Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction Reviews

• 
  Anita Dalton

  This book helped me come to terms with some of the damage I have done to myself in the course of trying to create, to write and sometimes just exist. Sometimes it just helps knowing you aren't the only one, you know.
  
  Briefest discussion I have ever written but really nothing more needs to be said.
• 
  Sabrina Chap

  Sorta hard to not like it since I worked so hard on this book. If you like it- check out the youtube interviews I did with the authors. Just type my last name 'Chapadjiev' into youtube and you should find em. There are interviews with Carol Queen, Nicole Blackman, Bonfire Madigan, Daphne Gottlieb, Cristy Road, Silas Howard, Inga Muscio, Stephanie Howell and others! They have some great things to say! Also- if you're at a college- I speak and do workshops on the gender, self-destruction, and art and would love to come to your campus. E-mail me at [email protected] and I"ll send you more info. Ok- thanks for reading, and I hope you're all well.
  xo,
  Sabrina
• 
  tish

  The collection of writers Sabrina has pulled together is impressive, and their honesty about really hard shit in their lives is inspiring. Read it and pass it on to your friends.
• 
  Leah

  While I expected this book to be a mixed bag (as most compilation books are), I thought I'd like more essays in this than I did. I found myself getting through each essay hoping the next one would be better, but unfortunately, they rarely were.
  
  The only essay that really stood out to me was Patricia Smith's, which was extremely well written (and it feels like a crime to not give the notable authors in this book praise.) Most of the essays did not give adequate context to self destruction; their back stories did not illustrate their pain. Maybe that wasn't the point of this book, but if the point was then to emphasize creativity's role in dealing with destructive behaviors, most of these essays fell flat on that, too. A lot of them went into plenty of detail about said behaviors, and saved a paragraph at the end to pay homage to their outlets.
  
  I was also a little bit annoyed with Bonfire Madigan's anti-drug rhetoric. I can totally get down and applaud people who can deal with their shit without drugs, but her speech totally mimics the Icarus Project's "madness = CREATIVITY THAT SHALL NOT BE SUPPRESSED" nonsense (and while I'm at it, I'm going to thank Fly for mentioning having donned this sort of ideology but then having moved away from it after being faced with said madness.) If she felt drugs were suppressing her and she has been able to do without them, good for her; but she uses a lot of non-consensual inclusive language in her point ("Why deny those hundreds of harmonics? I've learned that we must not.")
  
  In short, I wanted to like this but had low expectations, and even those weren't met.
• 
  Emilia P

  Oh you stinker, the contemporary sort-of-minority essay anthology, you!
  So easy to read, so briefly touching on concepts of meaning, and so disposable in the end! I think I got to this by way of something else that was recommended by Dorothy Alison...or maybe because Kate Bornstein had contributed. There were some great contributions (many of them illustrated!) and a lot of meh/obvious ones and a few infuriating ones (the lady who wrote a poem about anorexia without ever having been anorexic and then taking it upon herself to become a mentor and guide for girls with eating disorders - that is some presumptuous stuff, man.)
  
  So basically, yeah, it was nice to read something that was essentially about people who use art as a survival tool and couldn't really keep going any other way. I get that. I wish I used it more for that purpose, and this was good in that "you're not utterly alone in that" affirmation I suppose I was looking for.
  
  But I guess maybe it doesn't need to be said. I can read that idea into many things I read, most of the music I listen to, the art I look at. It takes a little bit of the magic/power out of it to name it. I suppose that's my complaint with this book -- it didn't take a hard enough line on its point which was essentially, we can't diagnose and psychologize all our crazy feelings away. Sometimes we have to live them. A good message, but better suited for actual art than commentating essays. I guess I knew that before I read it.
  
• 
  Tatiana

  the introduction is skippable, as it usually is in any compilation like this. once again i feel the editor should have kept quiet and let the pieces speak for themselves, because boy, can they speak. also fantastic is that the pieces are not limited to essays, but include poems, drawings, cartoons and photographs. it's almost a more sophisticated, art-specific version of bornstein's '
  hello cruel world'. really, really powerful.
  
  also, the one thing the intro does do is explain that the impetus for this book was sarah kane's suicide, which is most of the reason i bought the book after reading an interview with the editor (in which she talked about SK), but i don't think it's really brought home as much as it could be, especially with the pieces that follow.
• 
  Lance

  20 women, 20 stories of living through or dealing with trauma and dealing with it through art and creativity. This book is amazing, especially if you have ever suffered from depression, or gone through abuse. It helped me to discuss the abuse that happened to me in my childhood with my mom, and she told me of hers when she was growing up. Brilliant!
• 
  R K

  I want to make it clear that this rating by no means is a critique on the book. The book is filled with little essays and what not about mental illness, depression, suicide, and how the women in the book lived on despite their situation. As such, I cannot put a rating on someone's life experiences. It's just not done to rate how someone sees the world given their experiences.
  
  However, the one star is just my reaction to this anthology. This book was meant to give help and support to anyone going through these issues and if it helped them, then this book has done its job. But it didn't weave its magic spell on me. The words felt flat. I wasn't impacted by any of the stories and I'm so upset by this because I was so excited to read this book. Oh Well.
• 
  Megan

  i've owned this book for a long time but resisted reading it; was reluctant to enter this kind of emotional space. then eileen myles read her essay that's in here (which is worth the cost, really) when she read in chicago, but i still couldn't bring myself to touch it. then i met the editor (whose stage name is sabrina chap) when we both performed at sappho's salon, at a time when i was finally allowing myself to enter this space again with my own writing, so i took the book off the shelf, and wham. it hits hard and good.
  these essays get away from stereotypical ideas about creativity, artistry, self-destructive behavior, the Mad Artist, etc. the writers collected here rarely tango with therapy-speak and many view their past behaviors as important and necessary to who they are now, never disavowing or regretting or shaming their former (or present) selves. as sabrina writes in her intro: "We have been taught that self-destruction is an awful thing. "It is bad," we've been told by therapists, psychologists, and those who do not understand its seduction. I would like to edit that. Instead of "it is bad," I would like for it to read, "It is." It is what we do naturally. We smoke too much, we drink too much, we drive sobbing in the rain. Our hearts break and we do not eat. At times we drink to forget, and at times, we forget for years."
  
  the subtitle doesn't announce it, but this is a collection largely addressing female/feminine creativity and self-destruction (there are trans voices included). its emphasis is on creativity, on the ways in which these artists have channeled their self-destructive tendencies into art. not oh, madness is required for art; not even that they are intrinsically connected; but hey, look - see how power can be directed away from self-abuse and towards something that can last. what is so powerful about this collection is reading these pieces often about the worst of times, often about tough shit or about how these people dealt with their tough shit, are still dealing with it, and then you read their bios, all of their amazing accomplishments, and you feel so proud.
• 
  Eve

  I read this slowly, I absorbed some of it, I made notes that I need to go back over and think about. There is so much in this book that I relate to, and also lots that I don't. I appreciated my own processes more through reading it, although had been happily coming to a point in my life where I have been doing this anyway. A quote from Carol Queen which I particularly liked was: "Years and years later I realised my journals made up a long letter to myself, my future self, the only one I could really believe then would take me seriously. Somewhere on the space-time continuum the grown-up carol already waited to hear from the adolescent carol, waited to hold me and say, "see, we made it." " This is very much what I think my diaries have been and still are. I have a relationship with my future self through my diaries, and I see my future self in deep meditation and dreams. This book has also helped in inspiring me to carry on creating. I know I have things worth saying and worth making, and this book is very good at opening up some ways that both women and those raised as girls can be true to themselves and their very important needs whilst creating.
• 
  Ilze

  The essays in this volume are a disturbing repeat of what
  Alice Miller and
  Julia Cameron have been saying for years - turn your trauma into art - so why have another book on the topic? What new insights do the essayists bring that I haven't heard before? Add
  Fat and Furious to the mix, and honestly, there is nothimg more to say.
  
  My disappointment lies in the fact that I was under the impression that I was buying a book about Sylvia Plath/Anne Sexton ... but I read it anyway and feel the obscenties in it were unnecessary, and was also disturbed by the amount of lesbian writers pushing their lesbianism in the book. I don't mind an essay or two like that, though somehow the balance was all wrong.
• 
  butterbook

  Collected writings by women on the relationship between the creative process and self-destruction, whether it be alcoholism, eating disorders, cutting, drug abuse, etc. Some essays were great, others lacked. I was very excited about this collection because it is something I have put a lot of thought into but have never seen written about. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the results (with the exception of a few great essays, which are listed below). Looking back through the book I realize that the writings were by self-destructive women artists with an audience in mind, perhaps, of random passers-by, whereas I was expecting (and so so hoping for) writings by self-destructive women artists FOR self-destructive women artists. Wah.
  
  These were the good ones: Patricia Smith, A Little Hell Breaks Loose; Nicole lackman, She's Lost Control Again; Stephanie Howell, Weight Watcher
• 
  Lillian

  oh man. this book is perfect in so many ways!!! firstly is that it was such a thoughtful souvenir from my special lady. second is that some of my all time favourite artists are represented (nan goldin, kate bornstein, nicole blackman). and tertiarillest, it is a wonderful introduction to other, new, females that i totally relate to. their expression is so honest that it simultaneously breaks my heart and makes it soar.
• 
  Tam Starita

  I picked up this book initially as some of the stories resonated with me. I was curious about the relationship between self-destruction and creativity. It was really heart-felt to go inside the minds of these amazing artists as they fight for themselves. Some of the stories are so deep and dark. The artwork and illustrations are amazing (and often quite dark). I quite admired all of these artists who are willing to share their stories in hope that others can learn from it.
• 
  Monica

  This book makes me cry with the beauty and fearlessness that each writer shares their truth. We all need to learn to take better care of ourselves. These essays remind us that not only is this necessary, but actually possible. Also, sometimes, the pain of the journey can create powerful and inspiring art- in it's various forms.
• 
  Annie

  This book is fantastic - it has the power to change lives. Sabrina is a visionary, as are all the empowered, fascinating, talented female artists whose work comprises this collection. A must-read for all women who've battled their emotions and their selves.
• 
  Mariette Mchale

  Man, the third or fourth essay in this is written by an African American woman who grew up in Alabama and her dad was shot - as she's writing this she's in her 50's - it is so rough to read, it just makes you sad, but it's beautiful...really enjoying it so far...
• 
  Billie Rain

  i must have really liked this book because i read it cover-to-cover in less than 24 hours! i definitely related to the stories in this book.
• 
  Keigh-Cee

  This book literally changed my life. Seriously. Read it. Now.
• 
  Jeanthesecond

  I was disappointed in this. I found the introduction to have the most profound statements.
• 
  zola

  there are people out there who want so badly to have suffered; they want to try on the trauma and pain of others for fun, like its a costume. they cheapen peoples' lived experiences to feel more interesting. this book is full of these kinds of people and their bad writing that encourages victimhood and lacks emotional depth. people who can twist an experience into something it isn't.
  
  many essays are exploitative, preachy, and alarmingly full of binary thinking. they lack depth and self-awareness. many were also poorly written, and it was like reading somebody's anal banal diary. no juice. no connection.
  
  sometimes i felt a piece was just okay. despite the writing style, despite the voice, i appreciated their story because they didn't pretend to have pain to sound deep (inga, toni, dianne).
  
  when I somehow found myself all the way at bell hooks' chapter I almost shit myself. what are you doing in here, bell hooks, and why didnt the author put your brilliant ass first?? her essay was like breathing fresh air again after being buried in a pile of garbage. she was the only one willing to talk about how trauma is with you every single day, about the myths of recovery and healing.
  
  other exceptions, which i feel they must be named because i dont like them roped in with the exploitative mess of the other stories, were Cristy Roads, Patricia Smith, and Nan Goldin (yes it was all photos so what).
  
  i thought i was gonna be reading emotional experiences i could connect to. but this was like almost an advice column, but with a short, non-complex statement about the author's childhood. i got really mad at some of the authors. especially nicole. i dont know who this book is for
• 
  Abra

  There were some solid stories in there, but a bunch of them felt to me more like "I was ill and now I am better". These types of stories then read more like journal entries of different people that discuss all the healthy habits they have now. If I were seeking that, I would have probably picked up a different book about how Yoga and breathing are beneficial to my mental health. There are of course other stories in this collection, too, that really engage with the feeling of self-destruction without worrying about offending the reader or striving for a "happy ending". On the whole, I can't give this more the 3 stars though, because the balance between good vs kinda boring pieces was 50/50.
• 
  K Rae

  Some of the stories I connected with (like No More Crying by bell hooks, I had to read it multiple times) and some I didn't connect with at all. Lots of sad stories, but beautiful how art saves. The strength that is found through art after surviving trauma is inspiring and evident in these essays.
• 
  Diana

  Wow
  
  Raw, Uber honest. Some things I don’t understand or prefer not to think about. But I also related a lot too. Brace and courageous and inspiring.
• 
  Moth

  I don't think there's a proper way to rate a collection of personal stories, so I'll go with this.
• 
  Willa

  I liked this anthology, but didn't love it.
• 
  Nicola Goldberg

  amazing, vital
• 
  Eli

  Trigger warning: drug use, self-harm, eating disorders (It's been a while since I read it so I might be missing some, but you get the idea.)
  
  This book had some really great essays on self-destructive habits like self-harm, drug use, eating disorders, as well as alternative ways to express mental distress like drawing self-portraits, making music, taking photos, and writing.
  
  I really appreciated the essay Inga Muscio wrote about self-harm because it didn't take the position that self-harm is totally bad all the time, rather that it's useful sometimes especially when it's making the difference survival-wise. I also appreciated Silas Howard's essay about getting sober and starting a punk band because I have found it to be similar to my experience.I think this book solidified some of my ideas about harm reduction, that sometimes there are self-destructive things that help you survive and that isn't necessarily wrong, but sometimes it's time to let go of those things as well.
  
  I had some problems with the book. It seems that Elizabeth Stevens and Annie Sprinkle's photo project that aimed to destigmatize chemotherapy treatment for cancer, which is an awesome goal, had some misguided racist themes with regrettable titles.
  
  Another essay I had a problem with was Nicole Blackwell's essay that starts with a poem about eating disorders, despite that Blackwell hasn't struggled with this issue personally, and results in Blackwell being in a position to give young people advice about eating disorders and self-harm. I felt that Blackwell's advice to a young person about self-harm was misguided and not conducive with the philosophy of harm reduction. Blackwell advises a young person to not buy first aid items just in case they self-harm because it perpetuates their cycle of self-harm.
  
  However, it may be the case that having the first aid items on hand would allow this young person to be safer in the case that they do self-harm. At the same time, if this young person would like alternatives to self-harm, then maybe they could try doing some of those first and see if it's easier to let go of self-harming at that point.
  
  Anyway, those were my lasting impressions of the book.