Triggers: Exchanging Parents Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses by Amber Lia

Triggers: Exchanging Parents Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses Reviews

• 
  Claire Johnson

  This is honestly the most helpful book on Christian parenting I've read to date. It spoke to my mama's heart in huge ways. I feel like the authors met me exactly where I'm at & I will definitely be revisiting this book over & over again until I "get it"...which will only happen by the grace of God!
• 
  Erica Douglas

  I would give this one 6 stars if I could and I will pretty much be listening on repeat for the next 10 years.
• 
  Hannah

  This was not what I thought it was and at first, I was disappointed. Then I realized it was better! Instead of a “5 easy steps to stop being angry at your kids” it did what is always best - points you to Jesus. Loved the chapter a day format and plan to reread a few times a year!
  
  Read for popsugar 2017 challenge prompts:
  A book with a subtitle
  Abook with multiple authors
  A book with career advice
• 
  Sarah Robbins

  3.5 rounding up to 4. This book wasn't necessary a deep theological exegesis on anger BUT it was a great practical start for busy moms who already know they're struggling with (sinful) anger and want real suggestions on how to do better. While I wish the book had initially started with a thorough rundown on what the Bible has to say on anger overall before jumping into application, I can't fault the efforts it makes to help moms battle their sin of anger. I walked away with more equipped with many great ideas and strategies to immediately put into practice. Too many parenting books are heavy on theory and light on advice but that's not true of this book.
  
  My moms' book club read this coupled with Good and Angry, which is a great way to have your cake (theology) and eat it too (application).
• 
  Erica

  4.5🌟
  I want to get a hard copy of this so I can mark it up. Definitely convicting. Since it was written as a devotional each chapter was a little shorter. I would have enjoyed them going into more detail in some of the chapters. Didn't agree with everything, but loved how they pointed everything back to God and his Word.
  
  Some of my favorite quotes from the book.
  
  "Good doesn't always mean easy. Good means just the right circumstances to help me recognize my desperate need for Jesus each and every day."
  
  "Our children are not perfect but they are perfectly designed to perfect us into the image of Christ."
  
  "Turn to him so often that you end up looking at him all the time. Glance at him so much that you end up gazing at him for the rest of your life. Remain all day in him and he will remain all day in you."
• 
  Anne

  4.5 stars
  
  I didn't realize it was written as a devotional, but then I ended up utilizing it as one. That gave me time to ponder and reflect on each chapter, which was helpful.
  
  Very solid biblical advice on dealing with the anger and frustration parents often feel when... well... parenting. There's no denying that children have a unique capability to anger you like nobody else. But it's not them that needs fixing, at least not by you or me as the parent. We're the only ones we can actively change, so that's where we start.
  
  I found this book both convicting and helpful.
• 
  Kari Shepherd

  This book is just as good as I hoped it would be. An amazing resource for moms trying to learn to respond gently and Biblically to the stresses of parenting and to their children. It also could be read as a 31-day devotional, as each short chapter has scripture and a prayer. This is a book I will be referencing again and again. Highly recommend.
• 
  the_storied_life (Joyce Santiago)

  Great stuff here. Loved how so much emphasis was on prayer.
• 
  Brittany Allen

  This was a balm in my current stage of life.
• 
  feastingwithlight

  It's no secret that I struggle with anger by the simple fact that I chose to read this book!
  
  The layout of the book was smart and well thought out for busy mothers. It's purposed to read a chapter a day, which I liked. At the end of each section there is a prayer and each chapter has lots of scripture.
  
  The book itself is divided into two sections, internal trigger and external triggers. The external triggers section to me was reminiscent of many Christian parenting books that I have read in my early mothering days. The last half of the book that discusses internal triggers is what I was hoping for when I purchased the book. While I enjoyed the chapters I found myself not interested in and skipping over the authors examples. Perhaps that is because I am at a different stage in life with a larger family and as a homeschooler?? Regardless, the points the authors were trying to make were there, I just felt I had to dig sometimes to relate them to my own situation.
  
  Lastly, I think the beauty of this book isn't really in the book itself, but in the commitment to setting time aside each day for a month to read, pray, and mediate about overcoming the sin issue of anger. For that I am very thankful. I am glad I read this, but wouldn't read it again.
  
  
• 
  Hannah

  *FYI since today is the day after Thanksgiving I reserve all rights for my photos to be in front of my Christmas tree for the next month 😉
  
  “If we are being consumed by anything - emotions, anger, or pity parties - then we are not relying on God and His faithful plans for our lives.”
  
  This was a library read for me, but I will absolutely be buying this book to keep and re-read (a lot)! As a Christian mom I’m often convicted of my attitude when I’m in the thick of parenting. It turns out it’s easier to jump to being frustrated than to being patient. 🤪 This book provides so many words of wisdom along with Bible verses to guide us as moms in how to respond to situations biblically.
  
  I have a 3 year old and another little one due soon (🥰), but I think this book would be helpful for moms through the teen years with kids! There were plenty of chapters that discussed what I work with now with my son, but there are also several chapters that cover things I haven’t even dealt with yet! I love how many Bible verses this book gave that relate to parenting that I can always turn to. I highly recommend this book to Christian mamas like me!
• 
  Amanda M (The Curly Reader)

  This book is meant to be read over the period of 31 days (1 month) with 31 short, easy to read chapters. I spanned this over a much longer period, but I still feel like I benefited greatly from its contents. This book discussed many, many different "triggers" for mothers (or really anyone around young children) and how to appropriately handle these situations. I found the advice given in this book to be Biblical and sound advice, especially in the beginning chapters. Some of the chapters seemed a little too "cookie cutter" for me personally, but I'm sure the words in them could benefit other mothers. Overall I highly recommend reading this one.
• 
  Priscilla

  Helpful and insightful
• 
  Jeremy

  I decided to read at least one book in 2019 that Kara recommended. Downloaded from my local library and listened via Hoopla and my car's Bluetooth (1.5 speed).
  
  This book is written mainly for moms who feel guilty about yelling at their kids. Each chapter covers an internal or external trigger that sets off yelling. There are about 30 short chapters, making this book easy to read in one month. The authors alternate reading each chapter, and each one ends with a prayer (minor annoying point: sometimes they pray to Jesus in Jesus' name). Wendy is a more creative writer.
  
  Pros:
  I liked the emphasis on practical things to do to avoid yelling, instead of some squishy advice to trust that Jesus loves you even if you're a yelling parent. Chapter 1 included a good biblical reminder that God is patient with us, not punishing us immediately; it's easy to think that if we don't punish immediately, we are ruining our children, but it's interesting that God does not always immediately and obviously punish us for our sin (although consequences are often not obvious and perhaps present without our notice).
  
  Cons:
  The authors could have gone an important step further in offering the immensely practical and biblical instruction to spank children out of love, so as to avoid the very situations that often lead to yelling parents. The main advice seemed to be to spend lots of time rationalizing with kids; this is not always possible or practical, although it's a good reminder to be concerned about their hearts. Some of the advice was pretty obvious: be patient, forgive, pray, "just do the right thing," and some parts were repetitive (e.g., carve out time for rest).
  
  It's not a scholarly book, which is not a fault. Besides the Bible, other sources referenced include GotQuestions.org (Ch. 3), MacArthur NT Commentary on Ephesians (Ch. 5), "a pastor" (Ch. 6), Lou Priolo (Ch. 10), Spurgeon (Ch. 29), and Alan Fadling (Ch. 31).
  
  Forward
  Introduction
  Section 1: External triggers
  Ch. 1: Disobedience
  Obedience leads to happiness
  Parents often think that children need immediate punishments, so they learn that x/y/z is unacceptable. But God typically doesn't act this way toward us (long-suffering, patient).
  We adults don't usually respond well when treated harshly, so why do we expect our children to?
  Coach metaphor: inspire; use exercises to improve in certain areas
  James 1: be slow to anger
  
  Ch. 2: Backtalk
  kindness —> repentance (Rom. 2)
  Prov. 15:23: say the right thing at the right time
  good emphasis on prayer, patience, kind words
  
  Ch. 3: Disrespect
  effects on the body
  earn respect by unconditional love [and spanking/fear]
  focus on how Jesus didn't answer [ignoring places where He did]
  "nip things in the bud" [references, but brushed past]
  true repentance can take time
  
  Ch. 4: Strong-willed Children
  positives of strong children —> strong adults
  
  Ch. 5: Angry Kids
  list of ways that parents provoke their children
  don't forget children's developmental stages (maybe they aren't able to do what you're expecting them to do)
  
  Ch. 6: Whining and Complaining
  [yes, whining is a sin, not just a "sign"]
  [seemed opposed to all shaming, but shame is a necessary part of fallen existence]
  
  Ch. 7: Sibling Rivalry
  triggers = opportunities
  let children feel their own consequences
  
  Ch. 8: Ignoring Instruction
  "The power of a loud voice isn't real power."
  
  Ch. 9: Lying and Deceit
  Ch. 10: Manipulation
  Reference to Prov. 26:4, but not verse 5
  
  Ch. 11: [Disorders]
  talk about your own issues to help children cope with theirs
  
  Ch. 12: Videogame Addiction
  set limits and prepare for withdrawal symptoms at first
  list of helpful alternatives
  
  Ch. 13: Overstimulation
  carve out rest time (sound, devices, devotions)
  
  Ch. 14: Irresponsible Behavior
  notice different strengths of children and assign them different tasks
  
  Ch. 15: When Will They Ever Change?
  Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage: the issue is often our sanctification
  
  Internal Triggers
  [not all of these were internal triggers]
  
  Ch. 16: Lack of Faith
  Ch. 17: Generational Habits...
  Ch. 18: Depression, etc.
  - talk to others
  
  Ch. 19: Exhaustion
  
  Ch. 20: Running Late
  - plan/schedule
  
  Ch. 21: No Personal Space
  Ch. 22: Going It All Alone
  - routine helps
  
  Ch. 23: [In-laws]
  - misquoting Frost's "Mending Wall"
  - set boundaries
  
  Ch. 24: All the Noise
  Ch. 25: Roughhousing
  Ch. 26: Messy Homes
  Ch. 27: Multitasking
  - Covey's 7 Habits
  
  Ch. 28: Transitions
  Ch. 29: Sick Children and Ailing Parents
  Ch. 30: Stress
  
  You're free in Christ, but you're not free to continue sinning.
  
  Ch. 31: Feelings of Guilt
  Epilogue: Commencement
  Acknowledgements
  -
  No More Angry MOB<>/a
• 
  Renee Hughes

  Wow. I listened on audiobook and discovered this book is written to be read over a whole month, one chapter per day - I will definitely be ordering a physical copy so I can come back to each chapter and prayer again!
• 
  Emily Short

  So, so good! A must read for every parent. Great reminders and lessons on how to biblically parent in those tough moments and times. I will definitely go back to reference this again and again.
• 
  Ariel

  I don’t often give 5 star ratings, but I would give this book more stars if I could!
  “Triggers” was beautiful in every single way: Convicting, uplifting, engaging, encouraging, thought provoking, and oh so very relatable.
  If you are a mom or dad with kids (of any age) at home, I 100% recommend this book. It might change your life.
  
  (I listened to the audiobook, which was done incredibly well.)
• 
  Elizabeth

  So practical!! Highly recommend. Will revisit this one again and again.
• 
  Witty

  First, the petty: I am tired of Christian books sounding like they are written for a youth group.
  
  But now the real issue. I expected more from a book titled Triggers - this isn't really about psychological triggers for moms with deep-rooted issues resulting in outbursts of anger. This is like, "oh, you're a bit impatient and yell at your kids? Here are some nice words you can say instead."
  
  I quote: "I don't really have to get angry. I don't really have to be quick to anger and lose my self-control."
  
  Here is the thing they are missing. For a lot of angry mothers, they are acting out in trauma with unhealthy coping mechanisms, and are triggered in a way that leads them to experience a fight or flight response. In the moment, it's not a choice. Not without the proper tools - none of which this book offers. A "trigger" like this will take a LOT more healing than just thinking, "wait a sec... I don't have to yell! I'll just use nice words!"
  
  That's why I'm so disappointed. The authors took a hot psych word and misused it like the rest of Twitter and Instagram. I only got through 70%, but didn't read anything about mirror behavior, patterns of abuse, fight or flight (that I recall? Not in depth, anyway), re-establishing pathways in the brain, how to deal with the physiological response to anger in a productive way, or what real depression and anxiety looks like (besides a very quick chapter on one of the mom's short lived experience with PPD).
  
  This book is great for moms new to gentle parenting who don't yet have practical tools for dealing with life's everyday frustrations that can make anyone angry and snap at their kids (such as what words to use in specific situations, like your toddler not wanting to leave the playground or your family not coming to dinner when you call - real examples from the book).
  
  This book is not for moms with intense emotions rooted in trauma, who are looking for real ways of dealing with actual triggers.
• 
  Elsa K

  Let me start by saying there was lots of good content and intention in this book. Basically it helps parents identify what "triggers" set them off in anger. The basic premise of each trigger is to repent and pray for God to help you. It really didn't have any more practical steps than that. I mean prayer is huge- so if you're looking for a book that helps you identify what sets you off and encourages you to pray about it- this is the book for you! I found it a little lacking though. I think I'm already aware of things that set me off- noise, stress, running late etc. (I have a lot)!
  
  I would also like to note that both authors have 3 boys, which I found interesting. Having all those boys can definitely lead to triggers- with my 4 young boys I can attest to that!
  
  I listened to this book on audio and struggled to get through it. It seems like a lot of Christian books are maybe low budget with audio? The authors tend to narrate, which I think is a big mistake. It is hard to be a good narrator. I know I wouldn't want to listen to my own voice for hours! One of the authors just spoke in such a patronizing tone I found myself cringing and rolling my eyes.
  
  Another issue I had is my dislike of contemporary Christian books overall, I guess. I find most "Christian Living" books especially those targeted to women to have so much flowery language and cliches I can't stand it. Cliches like "Let your test be your testimony, your mess be your message." Or cheesy phrases like "testosterhome" for a house full of boys. Authors of these types of books try so hard to be conversational it just bothers me. Maybe it just isn't my style.
  
  All that aside, I think you can definitely find some good content if you can sift through the Christian cliches. Also I would stick to a text copy.
• 
  Candice

  The book contains solid biblical wisdom. It explores specific anger-inducing triggers a mother might experience. The authors help identify and prepare in advance for situations that might cause your anger. Trying to control our lives so that we never experience situations that make us angry is far less successful than learning to manage our own emotions. The authors encouraged repentance and prayer and even suggested counseling.
  
  As I dealt with unexpected anger issues as a young mother, this was a real issue for me. The shame over my anger and unkind treatment of my children was paralyzing. It also seemed to arrive from out of nowhere as I didn’t experience these events while interacting with adults.
  
  My own counseling experience showed me that actual triggers occur at an unconscious level in the brain and body. Your body and emotions react before you can even identify them. You can learn to control your behavior after a trigger, but you can’t muscle a trigger out of existence through self-control. The only way I have found to address the unconsciousness trigger response is to identify it and encourage your neural networks to heal through EMDR in counseling. I am sure there are other successful therapies, but that is the one that worked for me.
  
  I prayed, repented, and seriously tried to be better, but it took targeted counseling work to identify my unconscious triggers and free myself of their hold over me. This book is still valuable and encouraging, but I think the added caveat is an important one.
• 
  Katie Blakeslee

  The writing was solid, but with the typical, somewhat dry, lilt I've come to associate with Christian writing of its kind and which I consistently find hard to relate to and which make me feel so separate from the Christian culture in general (not necessarily a bad thing). Gender stereotypes were accommodating, yet still existent. (Girls scream and talk a lot and boys are loud and roughhouse.) My disappointment with it mainly comes by way of the pitiful list of references included in the back of the book, confirming that this really is a mostly anecdotal collection of two relatable mothers sharing their experience and providing bible verses to back it up. I will admit this disappointment may be a result of my own high expectations. I was expecting solid child development psychology findings with in-depth theological analysis. I wanted to see how gentle, less punitive, less shame-inducing approaches to child rearing are actually biblical in nature. Maybe a handful of chapters arrived at this, but in that regard I'd say the writing is timid and the research just isn't there.
• 
  Maria Nichols Faulkner

  Do you have kids who listen to the voice or reason? Who are calm? Who are pretty much perfect? This book is for you! Do you have kids who are loud, rambunctious, forget everything you’ve ever told them, struggle with ADD, SPD, ADHD, ODD, Dyslexia, impulse control, or anything similar? This book is not going to help. It made me feel really discouraged, until I got to the chapter that talked about if your kids have these things, then sorry, that sucks, but pray. There are some good things you can still get from the book, but the strategies really aren’t going to work if you have kids that aren’t going to do exactly what you say the first time you say it and never forget.
• 
  Dena Krueger

  I read this book with a group of moms from our MomTime group at church. I found a majority of the book relatable and helpful. Some chapters I wasn’t able to easily relate to but still found the insight and information reassuring.
  I have taken a lot from this book and have already felt that it’s helped with my “Triggers”
  
• 
  Michelle

  This is one I will need to reread and go back to in moments of need. Great format. Honest reflections to help those in need.
  
  Just finished first rereading of this powerful little book and I'm so grateful for it! Highly recommended for parents.
• 
  April

  "What if God designed motherhood to make me holy instead of happy?"
• 
  Kelley

  This book was recommended on a Christian parenting group I'm in. I was skeptical, but am always looking for different parenting books so picked it up. I'm glad I did. This book is very religious. It's a Christian book, clearly, but the level of Godliness I wasn't prepared for despite being a Christian myself.... however, if that turns you off at first, Stick with it!! I have read a LOT of parenting books and so many just repeat the same things in different ways. This isn't one of them!!! This has so many pieces of new insight, great narrative stories to illustrate ideas, excellent suggestions, and yes, great references to scripture. There are prayers throughout and, I listened to this, and I it was read in such a calm way you could tell the authors really put their all into this. Well done.