The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander

The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids Reviews

• 
  Jenna Copeland Kristensen

  As an American who has lived in Denmark for 15 years and is married to a Dane with h whom I have a child, I recognize a lot of these behaviors. Nevertheless, it was nice to have them systematically spelled out and there were some insights that I was also unaware of. But, I can also say that while I greatly admire the way the way children are reared in Denmark, a reader should not finish this book and believe that there are no problems with being a parent in Denmark. The societal structures and programs in place help a great deal, but parenting is tough wherever you go. Do your best. Listen more than you speak. Stay calm.
• 
  Louise

  2.5 stars
  
  Overall, the message was good, but this is less of a guide and more of a collection of anecdotal evidenced tied loosely together by some non-comprehensive research. I found some of the book patronizing and other parts oversimplified. Yes, it is easy and great to parent "The Danish Way" if you live in a society where that's the norm, but the book doesn't really address dealing with conflicting opinions of parenting.
  
  I'd sum up this book as "Don't worry about other forms of parenting and do what works for you because you know best -- but you also know that the Danish Way is best, right?"
• 
  Adrianna

  Sooo.... it's possible it took me about a year to read this, but that's more to do with my short attention span than the book itself. I've read quite a few research articles about why the Danes (and the Scandinavians) are the happiest people on earth- and you know it's not because they're getting more sun than anyone else! I find it such a fascinating cultural concept, so I was anxious to see what pearls of wisdom this book had for me. The idea of being able to raise kids to be the happiest they could be naturally appeals to any good parent.
  
  First of all, it's important to note that the author is an American expat, with a Danish husband, living in Denmark. She has an American perspective, which is actually perfect for this kind of book, even if her narrative felt somewhat condescending toward American ways sometimes. The reality is, America is a very new country peopled almost entirely by transplants from so many cultural backgrounds (who often felt like they needed to repress the culture they came with in order to fit in, or not be persecuted) that I feel we've lost a lot of old wisdom along the way.
  
  The beauty of the sense of community in Denmark, as Alexander delineates here, is glorious to read. I really envisioned a Utopiac kind of society. It's very "All for the Good of All" vs America's sense of individualism and self-sufficiency. The Danes do a lot of teamwork building in school, they are heavily involved in their communities through politics, service, mutual-interest groups, and choirs. They believe that above all else, the person matters. They focus on a discipline practice that Alexander calls "reframing," which is a very Pollyanna-like way of changing your (or your child's) perspective from something that could seem negative to something positive. They make quality time for family gatherings called "Hygga" where they have good food, and games, and candles, and a cozy atmosphere and just spend time together (leaving quarrels, grievances, annoyances, and other harmful emotional baggage at the door for the good of the group). They have a vast network of resources for the new parents- especially new mothers- with a box of newborn essentials delivered to your door, a dedicated midwife to check in on the mother in the weeks postpartum, and a network of other new moms to be a support for each other. Really, I just want to move to Denmark now, because the truth is, I can practice a lot of Alexander's advice at home, but without a "village," or even your spouse, trained to help parent the same way -however unconsciously- it would be hard to effect very similar results. And that's the depressing truth- it really does take a village.
  
  There they have a nation of people who are taught to be humble, optimistic, non-entitled, team-players, who work for their own pleasure because they have found self-satisfaction in it, who help their neighbors through shared taxes, government programs, and community service, and value quality family relationships above the good of the individual. I won't even bother contrasting that with America's populace- the studies on Generations X and Y and Millennials speak for themselves. Our infant melting-pot of a country has a long way to go before it grows up into a more mature version of itself.
  
  I valued the parenting insights into this other world and I will keep it handy as a reference for learning how to redirect my children with respect and a focus on the person (not the behavior); and try not to wish too hard that I had been born a Dane.
  
• 
  Sharon Allen

  I liked the main ideas of this book, which can be summarized as:
  1. Respect play, and allow non-adult-led activities.
  2. Be authentic and honest towards your child.
  3. Reframe things to avoid labels and emphasize positive aspects of people, situations, etc.
  4. Validate your child's experiences and demonstrate empathy.
  5. Model the behavior you wish for your children to imitate and avoid ultimatums/corporal punishment.
  6. Demonstrate prioritizing "we" as a family over "me" when creating a cozy family environment.
  
  That said, some of the examples they provide in terms of application seem counter to the guidelines described. For example, in the chapter on avoiding ultimatums, the authors give an example of how to address a child who has thrown a toy towards someone (which could result in them getting hurt). They suggest "mime and 'ow ow' from being hit by the object and give [the toy] back." To me, using this kind of baby talk suggests the parent isn't being authentic, considering that an adult would usually say, "You threw the toy and it came near me. That isn't safe. It could hurt me," or maybe (if they got hit), "Ouch. The toy hit me. I would like you to throw the toy in that direction." Not only is this more authentic, but it provides better language development, is more respectful of a child's ability to understand...
  
  I think the books that follow Resources for Infant Educarers describe all of the same principles but with better explanation behind them as to why these guidelines are important and how to implement them.
• 
  Allison

  Meh. Regurgitates lots of the modern and en vogue research on parenting and very loosely ties it to Danish cultural norms. I think both are interesting, but didn't find a very compelling reasons for them to necessarily be linked together.
• 
  Teguh

  Sesekali membaca buku parenting boleh kan yaaa......
  Tahun 2018, Denmark menempati urutan ketiga negara paling bahagia. Meski tidak lagi di urutan pertama, tetap saja masuk dalam jajaran negara dengan indeks kebahagiaan paling tinggi. Ini mengapa? Kalau saya bisa simpulkan dari bacaan ini adalah lantaran orangtua mendidik anak-anak mereka dengan bekal yang cukup sehingga ketika dewasa tidak stres dan menjadi bahagia.
  
  Orangtua bahagia mendidik anak dengan bahagia dan kelak akan menjadi orang tua bahagia yang membesarkan anak bahagia, dst... .
  
  Paling mengena adalah orangtua Denmark tidak membanjiri anak-anak dengan pujian, juga tidak dengan kekerasan khas otoriter. Melainkan, membuka wawasan anak-anak dengan sifat pertanyaan terbuka. Jadi, kalau meminjam bahasa dalam buku ini, otak dan sistem pemikiran mereka tidak fixed tapi berkembang. Dan kelak akan menjadi orang yang siap beradaptasi dan berpikir terbuka.
  
  Suka, sebagai bekal calon orangtua.
• 
  Elena

  Not exactly ground breaking content, but the book emphasizes the best in practical positive parenting strategies and ways of living. It is a quick read with simplified summaries with suggestions on application at the end of every chapter.
  
  I was particularly fond of the chapter on "togetherness and hygge" or "cozying around." The Danes do have systematic things in place to help foster a sense of community and togetherness, but there are some practical ideas on how to implement the concept within the family.
• 
  Trudy Brasure

  What makes the Danes so happy? They are raised to cultivate a mindset that allows them to be resilient, patient, and compassionate. I especially like the chapters on learning to re-frame situations and practicing cozy family togetherness.
  This is a thought-provoking book that could be helpful for all social situations, not just parenting.
• 
  Chelsey

  I don’t believe that any parenting book will perfectly represent an individual’s feelings or experience but man, this was close! I loved the focus on respect and honouring the inherent good in all children that was repeatedly talked about here. The authors spoke passionately about the breaking of generational parenting, the importance of closeness and compassion, and the beauty in reframing situations to give yourself a more positive mindset. Though this focused on how Denmark is the birthplace of many respectful parenting practices, you don’t have to have an interest in the geographic aspect to enjoy the themes or lessons of the book. I don’t normally highlight my books but this one is covered!
• 
  Ayu Lestari Gusman

  "Happy kids grow up to be happy adults who raise happy kids and so on"
• 
  Ahmad Moshrif

  كيف يربي الدنماركيين - الشعب الأكثر سعادة في العالم- أبناءهم؟
  ----
  وهنا طرحت في مدونتي سؤالاً من زاويتي: لماذا لا تنتهي قصص الأطفال نهايات سعيدة؟
  
  يقول الكاتبين أن أحد أشهر كُتاب قصص الأطفال في العالم الدنماركي Hans christian Andersen والذي كتب «ماريميد الصغيرة» و«ملكة الثلج» لم يتعمد في معظم قصصه أن ينهيها نهايات سعيدة؛ بل أنه لم يركز فيها أصلاً على خلق نهايات قد تكون لائقة لأحداث وشخصيات القصص نفسها، بل على العكس، انتهت معظم قصصه نهايات تراجيدية مخالفة لم قد يتوقعه المتلقي العادي.
  
  يعود تحليل الكاتبين بأن أحد أهم وسائل تربية الدنماركيين – الشعب الأسعد في العالم – يعتمد بشكل رئيسي على ركيزتين وهي أولاً: أن الأطفال يجب أن يتعايشوا ويتعلموا من القصص؛ واقع حياتهم «وأصالتها» على حد تعبيرهم حتى وإن كانت من خلال الشخصيات الخيالية، فليست بالضرورة كل النهايات يجب أن تكون سعيدة، بل أحياناً تكون النهايات بل ومعظمها في قصص آندرسن حزينة.
  
  والركيزة الثانية هي إتاحة الفرصة للأطفال لخلق سيناريوهات أفضل لحياة أبطال وشخصيات هذه القصص عند نهاياتها، ليكون لكل واحدٍ فيهم اطلع على تلك القصص حلوله الخاصة التي يقترح تطبيقها مع من يناقشه فيها أو من يرويها لهم من الكِبار.
  
  تعتبر التربية عبر حكايات ما قبل النوم لدى الدنماركيين جزءاً مهم في ثقافتهم لإنشاء أجيال سعيدة على حد قول الكاتبين، بل أن مساعدة الأطفال لاكتشاف أنفسهم وتشغيل مخيلتهم وعقولهم من خلال هذا الأمر أحد الأمور التي يرون أنها لا تستدعي تدخلات مباشرة من قبل الأهالي، فإن وجد الطفل في كل موقف وعند كل قصة أجوبة وحلول مبررة (وسعيدة)، فلن يسعه النمو مع عقلية ابتكار للحلول وخلق المزيد من المساحات لتجربة ما نسميه نحن الراشدين «خبرة الحياة».
  
  ويعتقد الكاتبين أيضاً أن المربيين البريطانيين وكُتّابها كانوا قد أساءوا تعديل نهايات قصص الأطفال لديهم لتصبح ذات نهايات سعيدة على الأغلب، ليقودهم هذا الأمر لمهمة ليست سهلة من ناحية أخرى في إقناع الأطفال بشكل غير مباشر أن الحياة على الأغلب يجب أن تنتهي نهايات سعيدة، حتى وإن اقتنع الطفل أن القصص قصص شخصيات خيالية.
  
  ربما يعلق أحدهم هنا ويقول، أن الأمر هو عبارة عن مجرد نظرة تفاؤلية من قبل البريطانيين ولا يجب أن يكون مأساوياً في المقارنة مع الدنماركيين (أو في المقارنة مع الثقافات الأخرى)، لكن يظل الواقع يفرض نفسه حسب المؤشرات العالمية أن الشعب (والأطفال) الدنماركيين هم الأسعد نهاية المطاف.
  
  على كل حال … ربما تكون ثقافة القصص أحد أهم جوانب السعادة في الثقافة الدنماركية التربوية، لكنها بالتأكيد ليست الأهم، وليست الوحيدة التي جعلت منهم الأسعد في العالم.
  -----
  
  الكتاب من الكُتب الرائعة التي قرأتها عن التربية، خصوصاً لأب مثلي لا يملك الكثير من الخبرات والتجارب والتي بالتأكيد، ربما من خلال قرأءة مثل هذه الكُتب فإنني أختصر على نفسي الكثير من تحديات التربية. استحق الخمسة نجوم لأنه مباشر، ومختصر وخالي من «الدش» غير اللازم، وأعتقد جدياً أنه أدى المهمة المطلوبة منه. أنصح بقراءته
• 
  Emily

  concise advice on treating your child like a human.
• 
  lalsayed

  ένα βιβλίο που σε προβληματίζει για την στάση ζωής σου αλλά και τη στάση σου σα γονέα. για το πώς στέκεσαι στα παιδιά σου στις δύσκολες στιγμές και πως αυτά σε βλέπουν. παραδείγματα καθημερινότητας με εναλλακτικές λύσεις και προτάσεις για πιο ευτυχισμένους γονείς κ συνεπώς παιδιά. κάποιες προτάσεις θα ήθελα να τις καταγράψω κάπου ώστε να τις βλέπω συχνά, σαν μια υπενθύμιση στις δύσκολες ώρες που θα έρθουν μεγαλώνοντας ένα παιδί..
• 
  Biljana

  Roditelj koji želi biti bolji roditelj i kojem nije svejedno kako odgaja djecu i u kakve ih ljude odgaja, svakako može u ovoj knjizi pronaći mnoštvo korisnih savjeta. Preporučam!
• 
  Elena

  “Happy kids grow up to be happy adults who raise happy kids, and so on.”
  
  “Sometimes we forget that parenting, like love, is a verb. It takes effort and work to yield positive returns”
  
  “it is so important to look at your default settings, study them, and understand them. What do you like about how you act and react with your children? What don’t you like? What are you doing that is just a repeat from your own upbringing? What would you like to change?”
  
  “Is there a greater gift you can give to your children and your children’s children than helping them grow up to be happier, more secure and resilient adults”
  
  “Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning, but for children play is serious learning”
  
  “What if we told you that free play teaches children to be less anxious? It teaches them resilience. And resilience has been proven to be one of the most important factors in predicting success as an adult.”
  
  “Play could be employed to improve coping skills, particularly the abilities to adapt and to approach problems and goals in a more flexible way.”
  
  “The more they play, the more resilient and socially adept they will become. It’s a very natural process. Being able to leg godt or “play well” is the building block to creating an empire of future happiness.”
  
  “They (kinds) don’t need an adult-led activity or specific toys. The more you can let them be in control of their own play, using their imagination and doing it themselves, the better they will get at it. The skills they are learning are invaluable. We are so caught up in worrying about how many organised activities our children are involved in or what they are learning that we are forgetting the importance of letting them play freely. Stop feeling guilty that letting them play means you aren’t parenting. Free play is what they are missing!”
  
  “If you want to play with your kids, you must be 100 percent real in what you do. Don’t be afraid to look silly. Let them guide. Stop worrying about what others think of you or what you think of yourself. Get down on their level and try to let go for even twenty minutes a day if this is difficult for you. Even a little playtime on their level is worth more than any toy you could buy.”
  
  “Playing alone is extremely important for kids. When they play with their toys, it is often their way of processing new experiences, conflicts, and everyday events in their lives. By engaging in fantasy play and using different voices, they can reenact what is happening in their world, which is hugely therapeutic. It is also great for developing their fantasy and imagination.”
  
  “Try not to judge the other kids too harshly and intervene too quickly because you want to protect your kids from others. Sometimes it is learning how to deal with the more difficult children that provides them the biggest lessons in self-control and resilience.”
  
  “Let your kids do things by themselves. When you feel the need to “save” them, step back and take a breath. Remember that they are learning some of the most important skills to take them through life.”
  
  “if a Danish child scribbles a drawing very quickly and gives it to her parent, the parent probably wouldn’t say, “Wow! Great job! You are such a good artist!” She is more likely to ask about the drawing itself. “What is it?” “What were you thinking about when you drew this?” “Why did you use those colors?” Or perhaps she would just say thank you if it was a gift”
  
  “Praise is closely connected to how kids view their intelligence. If they are constantly praised for being naturally smart, talented, or gifted (sound familiar?), they develop what is called a “fixed” mind-set (their intelligence is fixed and they have it).
  In contrast, children who are told that their intelligence can be developed with work and education develop a growth mind-set (they can develop their skills because they are working very hard).”
  
  “Findings show that kids who have a fixed mind-set, who have constantly been told they are smart, tend to care first and foremost about how they will be judged: smart or not smart. They become afraid to have to exert too much effort because effort makes them feel dumb. They believe that if you have the ability, you shouldn’t need to put in the effort.”
  
  “Teaching emotional honesty to your kids and preventing them from becoming self-deceptive is a great gift.”
  
  “Talk with your children about how important honesty is in your family. Make it a value.”
  
  “If you confront your kids accusingly with anger or threats and are punitive when they misbehave, they might become afraid to tell the truth”
  
  “Don’t overuse praise for things that are too easy. This can teach your child that he is only praiseworthy when he completes a task quickly, easily, and perfectly, and that does not help him embrace challenges”
  
  “Our language is a choice, you see, and it’s crucial because it forms the frame through which we see the world. By reframing what we say into something more supportive and less defining, we actually change the way we feel”
  
  “Reframing with children is about the adult helping the child to shift focus from what she thinks she can’t do to what she can do”
  
  “She isn’t very good at sports”; “He is so messy”; “She is too sensitive.” These are all very defining. The more of these statements children hear, the more negative conclusions about themselves they make.”
  
  “When they hear a plotline repeated about their lives, they begin to associate themselves with these labels and draw identity conclusions from them. These narratives become their life story, and it is very hard to get out of them”
  
  “Maybe they are tired or hungry or upset about something. The more we can separate the behavior from the child, the more we can change how we see her and, thus, how she sees herself. This lets her know that she is OK and that the behavior is not her destiny”
  
  “Danes, on the whole, use less limiting language and don’t tell children how they are or what they think they should do or feel in different situations”
  
  “They tend to focus more on using supporting language, which leads children to understand the reasons for their emotions and actions”
  
  “Pay attention to your negativity
  Practice noticing when you have a negative thought pattern. Just try to notice it and see how often you are using negativity to view a situation. Try to come up with different ways of looking at things that upset you, such as fears or worries, as an exercise”
  
  “Try focusing on the positive side of your children’s behavior so they feel appreciated for their uniqueness rather than labeled negatively.”
  
  “In the Danish school system, there is a mandatory national program implemented as early as preschool called Step by Step. The children are shown pictures of kids each exhibiting a different emotion: sadness, fear, anger, frustration, happiness, and so on. The kids talk about these cards and put into words what the child is sensing, learning to conceptualize their own and others’ feelings. They learn empathy, problem solving, self-control, and how to read facial expressions.”
  
  “One of the pillars in the Danish way of teaching empathy is not judging. Danes try not to judge their children, their friends, their children’s friends, or their family too harshly. All members of a family have a right to be heard and taken seriously, not just the one who screams the loudest”
  
  “Studies show that reading to children markedly increases their empathy levels. And not just reading nice books but reading books that encompass all emotions, including negative and uncomfortable ones.”
  
  “Danes see children as intrinsically good. They establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, they are very responsive to their children’s questions about the rules”
  
  “You will have a much more positive influence and a genuinely closer relationship if you foster an atmosphere of respect and calmness in which there is no fear of blame, shame, or pain.”
  
  “how you choose to see children makes a big difference in your reaction to them. If you see them as naughty and manipulative, you will react accordingly. If you see them as innocent and doing exactly what they are programmed to do, you are much more likely to react by nurturing and forgiving them, even helping them rather than punishing them”
  
  “Good begets good. Calm begets calm. Remember, it isn’t the child who is bad; it is the action that is bad. It is always important to make that distinction.”
  
  “Kids are testing things for themselves as well. If it becomes too much of a power game, everyone loses and life becomes more unpleasant than it needs to be. If you stay cool, so will they”
  
  “Hitting or biting others is unacceptable, and in those cases, you should be firm and hold the child and tell her “No!” forcefully. Have her look at you and give you an apology sound and a caress so she learns the meaning of sorry and the nonuse of physicality early on. Remember, this needs to happen fast, because children forget in an instant what they did”
  
  “To encourage kids to eat, parents in Denmark often say, “You have to eat this food so you can be big and strong! Do you want to be big and strong?”
  
  “Children are supposed to push boundaries and test the rules. They are not bad and manipulative. This is how they grow.”
  
  “As parents, it’s important that we first examine our default settings, our natural inclinations as parents, so that we are better able to see where change is needed”
  
  
  
• 
  Hannah

  “It’s no secret that the diagnosis of anxiety disorders, depression, and attention disorders have skyrocketed in the U.S. Is it possible that we are making our kids anxious without realizing it by not allowing them to play more?”
  
  I don’t always love parenting books, but I enjoyed this one a lot! 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 I’ve seen the concept of “the Danish way” 🇩🇰 on social media over the years, and was very curious to read about it. 🤔 I completely agree that sometimes parents can forget that their kids need to simply PLAY. We don’t need to constantly overload kids with entertainment and extracurricular activities. Don’t get me wrong, I love sports for kids and my son is 100% doing soccer this spring ⚽️, but kids learn so much and grow through play! Allowing kids to have freedom and be bored makes them more creative in the end. (This book also touches on screen time, which I won’t even get myself started on. I could go on for daysssss 📵)
  
  Generally speaking I don’t think this book introduced too many NEW concepts, but it was still nice to have some ideas about parenting reiterated. Definitely recommend this for parents!
• 
  Denisa Ballová

  Poučná, s mnohým som sa stotožnila a vo viacerých negatívnych postupoch som sa našla.
  
  "Každé správanie je výsledkom nejaké pocitu alebo nálady. Nie je nemenné. Možno je dieťa unavené, hladné alebo sa kvôli niečomu hnevá. Čím viac dokážeme oddeliť dieťa od jeho správania, tým viac dokážeme zmeniť spôsob, akým ho vidíme a tým pádom aj to, ako vidí samo seba. Týmto mu dáme najavo, že je v poriadku a že momentálne správanie nie je jeho osudom."
  
  Ako príručka k rodičovstvu môže byť.
  
  [Viac som napísala tu -
  https://dennikn.sk/1865438/co-sa-slov...]
• 
  Ivana Hrenáková

  Táto kniha mala podľa mňa veľký potenciál, stroskotala ale na tom, že pri všetkých bodoch len skĺzla po povrchu a nešla vôbec do hĺbky. Škoda toho, lebo základný koncept nebol vôbec zlý. Možno doplatila na autorku Američanku, možno na nedostatok dát, ktoré by z toho urobili súdržný celok. Napriek tomu dávam tri hviezdičky, lebo pár užitočných a zaujímavých myšlienok som si z knihy dokázala vytiahnuť.
• 
  Michal Červený

  V skratke: nebuďte nervózni egoisti, no ani prehnani optimisti. 160 užitočných strán o tom, ako nebyť idiot. Hodí sa aj pri inych ako rodinných vzťahoch.
• 
  Ashley

  I really enjoyed the two other books I read about Danish culture, and the parenting/healthy eating memoir called French Kids Eat Everything so I thought this might be up my alley. It's interesting but not nearly as engaging as the other books, and I think it's just because it's a straight up informational book and NOT a memoir. For me, I prefer a bit more of a personal narrative in something like this, I think.
  
  Aside from that, the information wasn't ground-breaking if you've read anything about Nordic cultures or have ever been in therapy. It all tracks with psychological and scientific research and feels less like cultural reasons for their success... unless the point is just that the Danish culture more readily accepts science, or that they more naturally do things that ANYone can do. Which might be the point.
  
  The book focuses on six primary elements of Danish culture that influence how they raise their children differently. It never tries to say "this way is better" but merely "here is what they do, here's a bunch of research that explains why what they do works, and here are ways you can apply it in your own lives."
  
  Most of the topics -- such as the psychological benefits of play, the neuroscience of empathy, the cultural history of Danish hygge -- are all things I've already read a lot about in magazines, online articles and other books, so it was less new information for me and more reinforcement. Lots of really great ideas that families can implement to raise kinder, more self-sufficient, less anxious, more resilient, more socially-conscious, and critically-thinking children. (And honestly most of the things in here that you can do to help kids are all things that we can do to help ourselves as adults, and many of which are common in counseling or therapy - such as using reframing and preframing to deal with difficult or stressful situations.)
  
  So why are these techniques (reframing, realistic optimism, process praise, empathy, etc) so called "Danish cultural traits"? Every culture has its defining characteristics, that can be broiled into stereotypes, such as Americans' tendancy to be loud and abrasive, the way we lean towards individualism, our preference for BIG (cars, houses, lands, drinks, food servings, etc), and that we openly engage in conversations with people (even in grocery lines). These are things that are inherent in our culture, so when it comes to something like individualism, we're all taught that we can each be whatever we want, we celebrate mediocrity by giving out awards for just doing your job, we teach that everyone is special, that the individual is more important than the group. We celebrate the superstars of sports teams, the entrepreneurs who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, and individual genius. That's part of the American culture. But in Danish culture (and many cultures around the world), though, the well-being of the group is more important than the well-being of the individual. (They're kind of like Vulcans! The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.... So think of Americans as "Kirk" and the Danes as "Spock" :) haha) SO naturally, the parenting styles of two such differing cultures will be different with the emphasis on different things. We emphasize test scores and doing well in school from a very young age, whereas they focus more on letting kids having a playful childhood where they learn how to socially interact and figure things out on their own, and emphasize the importance of empathy. So not necessarily BETTER just DIFFERENT. Each reader (or parent) has to decide what traits they deem BETTER for themselves.
  
  Some things that stood out to me as I was reading:
  "Empathy sits in the brain's limbic system. This controls memory, emotions, and instinct. It is a complicated neurological system involving mirror neurons and the insula. What many don't realize is that we are biologically predisposed to connect to others. This is made possible through many neuronal systems that are embedded in the right hemisphere of the brain, the mirror neurons being an important aspect of this. The self is not an individual entity, you see, but a relational construct."
  
  This ties into everything I've been learning about the Internal Family Systems model; that we are made up of multiple "selves" that help guide and protect our True Self. Nothing groundbreaking here but just an unexpected tie into the IFS model. If you haven't read about the IFS, I highly recommend it. It's fascinating!
  
  - The Danish school system prioritizes the emotional education of their students with a program called STep by Step, in which "children are show pictures of kids each exhibiting a different emotion: sadness, fear, anger, frustration, happiness, and so on. The kids talk about these cards and put into words what the child is sensing, learning to conceptualize.... They learn empathy, problem solving, self-control.....An essential part of the program is that the facilitators and children arent judgemental of the emotions. Instead they simply recognize and respect them." Another program called CAT-kit "is used to improve emotional awareness and empathy and focuses on how to articulate experiences, thoughts, feelings, and senses." The crown princess of Denmark also instituted an anti-bullying program called Free of Bullying, which is aimed at elementary school students. So they're doing a lot more than just teaching kids how to take standardized tests. They care more than just about the academic success of students, which imo is paramount, and something that stood out to me about the French education system as well, in which they place a huge importance on food and nutrition education (and is a key part of French culture and why there are far lower rates of obesity and food abuse in France). Again, not categorically better but different. (Though I do think that most foreign school systems are far superior to ours, not just for these reasons.)
  
  - In the chapter about hygge, the authors shared this fable, which I think illustrates the key difference between individualistic societies and collective cultures:
  
  "In hell, there is a long table with a glorious feast of wine and food and candles, but the feeling is cold. The people...are pale and emaciated... Instead of arms, they have very long sticks, which prevents them from getting the food to their mouths...they are all starving despite the rich bounty of food in front of them. In heaven, there is much the same scene. There is still the long table and the feast and the candles, but here the table is surrounded by jovial, laughing people. THey are singing and eating... everyone is enjoying the food and the wine and the company. The irony is, they too have very long sticks for arms. But instead of trying to feed themselves, they are feeding each other. In this simple metaphor, a change in perspective -- substituting "we" for "me" -- has turned hell into heaven."
  
  I just loved that. If we focus less on ME ME ME and what I can do for ME, and focus more on WE and what WE can do for US, then we can be more successful and more collectively happy.
  
  
  READ THIS BOOK IF:
  - you enjoy learning about other cultures
  - you want to try some new ways of thinking to bring more togetherness and happiness into your family
  - if you've never learned about these things in therapy or psychology classes
  - if you want to improve your own happiness levels (because even though this is supposed to be about parenting, it's stuff that ALL of us can use in our daily lives)
• 
  Daniela Tabakovič

  Dánske deti sú nielen šťastné,ale aj životaschopné a sebavedomé bytosti. V ich základnej výbave zručností sú obsiahnuté mnohé z takých,ktoré si musí “bežný Slovák” prácne odmakať. Neviem zhodnotiť škôlkárov, s tými svoju osobnú skúsenosť nemám, ja som sa stretla len s deckami na poslednom stupni vzdelávania. To, s čím som bola konfrontovaná mi vyrazilo dych a čerpám z toho dodnes. Tímová spolupráca, prezentačné schopnosti, autentickosť, FairPlay, všeobecný prehľad a veľká dávka empatie. Čím to je, výchovou? systémom vzdelávania, spoločnosťou, sociálnymi benefitmi?! Je načase sa inšpirovať a ak možem zmeniť svoje zkostnatelé vzorce správania a výchovy, viesť svoje dieťa cestou sebavedomého a empatického jedinca, idem do toho. Kniha vás môže nasmerovať správne, ak už máte čo to o spôsobe dánskeho žitia a bytia načítané, niektoré myšlienky už boli na mnoho spôsobov pisané. Svoje som si našla, ostatné zopakovala. Za mňa 4 z 5:)
• 
  Rodrigo

  O livro parte da referência de que os dinamarqueses são sequencialmente chancelados por pesquisas como o povo mais feliz do mundo. Os autores propõem que essa felicidade só poderia vir da educação que os mesmos recebem. Então, realiza-se não só uma análise dos elementos básicos que compõem essa educação, como utiliza-se o termo PARENT para organizar a análise. Os elementos Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No ultimatums e Togetherness and hygge reúnem o cerne da educação dinamarquesa e, de forma bastante vendável, estabelecem o discurso em busca da felicidade.
  
  Como qualquer livro de sugestões, vale a pena conferir. Há boas ideias. Inclusive, independentemente de se concordar com tudo que é proposto, a sugestão de uma postura reflexiva, analítica, ponderada e estratégica no trato com crianças já é de grande valor.
• 
  Brenda

  I don’t actually have any kids yet so I can’t implement these things at the moment, but most of this seems surprisingly fairly obvious.
  
  Treating kids like humans is ultimately the point of this book. Don’t shy away from emotions, make an effort to teach and explain, and don’t be a butthead.
  
  That said, I think it’s good to have the reminder and I’ll keep this book on hand to remind me when we do finally have the kid. Thankfully my spouse is on board too so hopefully this will be an easy-ish transition!
• 
  Sariah

  I always love learning about the Danes. This book is a lovely insight into the Danish parenting. Super cool and applicable to people without children, too. Great for people who interact with children on a daily basis or who were children once themselves.
• 
  Ilie Dobrin

  Studii serioase au demonstrat, fără putință de tăgadă, că temele pentru acasă nu îmbunătățesc performanța școlară a elevilor din ciclul primar. Ah, știam eu…
• 
  Kim Raymond

  J'étais dubitative quant à la mauvaise traduction, mais c'est finalement la généralisation excessive et la manipulation des statistiques qui auront scellé mon opinion de ce livre. C'est, au final, un livre médiocre, qui présente de très bons principes de parentalité, des astuces concrètes et pertinentes, mais qui ressent le besoin d'appuyer le tout en utilisant des études citées hors contexte, et des données qui n'ont aucune validité pour prouver le point de vue. Certaines affirmations m'ont même semblé dangereuses, comme lorsque les auteures affirment que les parents qui ne crient pas sur leurs enfants auront des enfants plus heureux (sans aucun doute) et en meilleure santé (affirmation à l'emporte-pièce et généralisante), ou lorsqu'elles échouent à faire une distinction entre un châtiment corporel comme la bâton, la baguette ou la fessée, et une simple tape sur les doigts. De même, un passage complet du livre énumère une série de corrélation entre deux choses en laissant croire qu'une corrélation est une preuve probante de quelque chose, ce qui est profondément ridicule en soi.
  
  Pour le reste, les principes directeurs de "la parentalité danoise" sont assez ancrés dans les théories de l'attachement parental, sans être excessives, et m'ont semblé proche de la méthode Montessori, pour laquelle j'ai une grande affection. J'ai particulièrement aimé l'idée que le jeu libre est nécessaire au développement d'un locus interne qui permet à l'enfant d'être plus résilient et d'avoir de meilleures aptitudes en résolution de problème, ainsi que les astuces pour aider l'enfant à prendre conscience que son intelligence et ses aptitudes se développent en continu, en valorisant le travail et l'effort sans nier l'échec.
• 
  Thanawat

  ผมชอบเล่มนี้ กระชับ-สอดคล้องกับยุคสมัย-ปฏิบัติได้จริง
  
  หนังสือ how-to สาย parenting ที่ใช้ concept การเลี้ยงดูบุตรหลานของท่านด้วยความคิด “บวก” ที่ไม่ได้เวอร์วัง แต่ผมคิดว่ามันสอดคล้องกับยุคสมัยมาก
  
  ยุคนี้ คนเป็นพ่อเป็นแม่หรือผู้ดูแลเด็ก ไม่ได้มาจากโลกยุคโบราณที่ยึดสุภาษิต “รักวัวให้ผูก รักลูกให้ตี” อีกต่อไป แต่พ่อแม่ผู้ปกครองยุคนี้ ล้วนแสวงหาความถูกต้อง เหมาะสมให้กับชีวิตทุกมิติด้วยการตั้งคำถามเสมอ และแน่นอนว่าอีกมิติหนึ่งของชีวิตครอบครัว คือการเลี้ยงลูก
  
  ผมคิดว่าหนังสือเล่มนี้ไม่ใช่หนังสือโลกสวย แต่กลับเป็นการสะท้องวิธีคิด วัฒนธรรม และโลกทัศน์ของคนเดนมาร์กในการเลี้ยงลูกออกมาเป็นตัวอักษรที่ยอดเยี่ยมมาก
  
  ทั้งกระชับ ไม่มีน้ำท่วมทุ่งเต็มไปด้วยตัวอย่าง มีการสรุปเป็นหัวข้อให้ง่าย และเป็น mnemonic ให้สะดวกต่อการจำ
  ทั้งสอดคล้องกับยุคสมัย ตามที่กล่าวมาข้างต้น ไม่โบราณ
  และที่สำคัญ ผมคิดว่าปฏิบัติได้จริง ตั้งแต่อ่านจบบทแรกเลยด้วยซ้ำ
  
  แนะนำเลย ในฐานะพ่อที่เลี้ยงลูกเล็กคนนึง
  ผมว่าเล่มนี้ ถูกจริตคนยุคปัจจุบัน และจะทำให้เรามีเด็กๆ ที่เติบโตขึ้นอย่างมีเหตุผล เป็นตัวของตัวเอง มีความมั่นใจ มีความเห็นอกเห็นใจและเคารพความแตกต่าง
  และที่สำคัญ เค้าจะอยู่ในสังคมได้อย่างปกติ
• 
  Andrea

  I liked this book so much that I listened to it two times in a row. More than looking at single types of parenting practices the author's looked at an entire societies typical parenting practices to see how they where different than others.
  Re-framing and cozying around where such interesting ideas. I particularly loved the idea of cozying around. The idea of everyone pitching in to make a cozy environment and leaving behind the arguments and contentions in order to have an enjoyable relaxing time together as a family. I certainly know that this doesn't happen in my family but I would definately love it to!
  It has changed the way I see the importance of free play time.