The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are by Chris MacLeod

The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are Reviews

• 
  Alise Redviņa

  3,5 stars. Found this through
  https://80000hours.org/ career guide.
  
  This is no book for those who want to brush up their average or slightly-below-average social skills but for those who have real trouble functioning socially to a degree that it significantly affects their lives and makes them unhappy.
  The book has 3 sections - overcoming mental barriers to socializing, conversation skills, forming and maintaining friendships. Different advice will be adaptable to different people with different problems.
  Sometimes the advice seemed a bit too basic or too general ("e.g. How to be more fun: joke around and be amusing" - k, tnx) and I felt like I'm reading a book meant for aliens called "How to people". And sometimes I felt I really am a kind of alien and this is just what I need. There just are some things that seem obvious to many but that have somehow slipped past a few others.
  The biggest gains I got from reading this was feeling understood (and also understanding myself better) and motivation (and hopefully courage) to socialize more actively and take matters in my own hands. So I think this can serve as the right kick in the butt that many people need.
  It also makes you aware of areas you need to work on. Overall, worth a read.
• 
  Craig

  Great overview of social skills and networking. Dint find it much more useful than the free information at succeedsocially.com.
• 
  Kechich

  • I’ve just finished this book. At first, My reading progress was so slow, maybe because a lot of informations seemed so common and already known , In other words, nothing special. then when I started the second part all of sudden things became more interesting and much useful.
  • I suggest this Book for people who look for
  • improving their social skills, and getting more confident .
  Happy reading
• 
  Kristy Leone

  I found this book to be very helpful. I struggle to maintain an active social life in adulthood (mainly due to anxiety and a little bit of laziness on my part too 😅). I’ve already used this book to better the quality of existing relationships and hope to use it again (once quarantine has ended) to start some new friendships too.
  I gave this book 3 stars because at times the reading can be a little cut and dry. There were some parts where I felt like I was reading an instruction manual. However, the book does give good instruction on how to develop and maintain relationships and I would recommend if you are struggling with such a thing.
  
• 
  Jess Eats Books

  I think I've benefitted from some strategies in this book, but I also disagreed with points.
  
  This book states that you should not appear too "edgy" or conservative, and suggests tactics like losing weight or wearing contact lenses instead of glasses; I don't feel these things are necessary to make friends and found the suggestions mildly offensive. They may even be harmful to those reading the book and suffering from low self confidence.
  
  The language used regarding autism is badly outdated, there is no "high" or "low" functioning now, nor is there Aspergers. Its all autism. This part could use an overhaul.
• 
  Overbooked ✎

  This book could be handy for people who find social interactions a real challenge, e.g. on the autism spectrum, for the general public is mostly common sense presented in a very detailed and structured way. I was probably not the right target for the book and my low rating is based on how much I found it useful personally not on its value for the right audience. 2.5 stars.
• 
  Walker

  A lot of this seemed over simplistic. At times, I expected the book to suggest that, if you want talk to people you need to try moving your mouth while simultaneously exhaling. I also felt like a lot of the advice was of the "draw an owl" variety, where the author would essentially suggest that you have better conversations by making sure that your conversations are better.
  
  The presentation also wasn't great. At times, I felt like I was reading someone else's notes on this book. I also listened to the audiobook, which didn't help. There was something about the combination of the writing and the narrator's voice that made me think I was getting advice on how to fit in from that Steve Buscemi meme.
  
  Tl;dr - read "How to Be Yourself" instead.
• 
  Sarah

  My favourite quote: “you can also indirectly help your cause [improving your social skills] by becoming a more well-rounded, knowledgeable, interesting person.”
  
  After that I quickly skimmed the book and put it down. Sure it has some techniques that are helpful, but the book is quite condescending (does being shy or socially anxious make a person less interesting? surely reading that won’t particularly be a confidence booster??) and it isn’t an easy read.
• 
  Tally, The Chatty Introvert

  Helpful little guide that can be useful for those just needing a social push to terrified to open your mouth and speak. There's lots of possibilities, and though some things might seem as if they won't apply to you, there's always room for improvement and understanding other people.
  
  The only peeve I have with the book is the layout of sections sometimes. Quite a few pages (maybe its just my edition) look like they were cut and pasted from the original website without correcting the alignment and layout of the pages. Plenty of them have where bullet lists suddenly have the point cut in half over two lines while the first three bullet points are normal, and its not like there's text to work around. Seriously, it could've cut 20 pages out just re-aligning the text consistently. Weird.
  
  Oh well--I'll still be referring back to it.
• 
  Joshua

  Chris MacLeod has written a concise and complete guide to improving your social life. The directions are easy to understand, practical to implement, and give the shy reader a sense of hope for a fulfilling social life.
• 
  Matt McAlear

  Very interesting book. There are definitely parts that are obvious but like the way the author breaks down social interactions. It was cool to read another persons perspective on social interactions.
• 
  Bar Franek

  I don't know why I have this book, or why I decided to read it.
  
  Overall, I guess it's a great book if your social skills are lacking and you aren't good at making friends. But if you have the least bit of social awareness and friendliness, then reading this book isn't really necessary. You might get a couple of good tips out of it but the rest of it is common sense, and not worth the time to read 350+ pages
• 
  Sami

  The book hammers the point that to combat fear, you must expose yourself to it in small doses. That is about the only thing I took away from the book. It definitely needed more applications and more thorough explanations.
• 
  Brooke

  Didn't really tell me anything that I didn't know
• 
  Romualds

  Well structured, but pretty basic.
• 
  Yk Chia

  very clear and non judgemental writing.
• 
  Huzaifa Irfan

  One of the top skills in today's world is communication - the way we talk, express our views, and present our ideas to others. Leaders often lead NOT because they have outstanding managerial skills but they can talk to people and make them understand what the leader wants to convey. It is key to success but not everyone knows the art, and unfortunately including me. I wanted to start a book on shyness and conversation skills, luckily this book came on the top. The book was started as a blog but the author turned into a book; the author Chris Macleod have a psychology degree but he wrote this because of his problems with shyness and anxiety, which made it stronger to spend time on as it is from someone who had learned social skills by himself. Some of my points are as follows.
  
  Anxiety will not go at all, but somehow you have to deal with it. That means you have to live with it, like Covid-19, we had adjusted to new ways of life - although Pakistani are undeterred and the same but the world has been changed. Anxiety will make you feel fearsome and pessimistic but one has to determine his priority and move besides what the comfort zone is telling. Challenging anxiety can be hard but being honest about it in front of others can be of the same nature. However, if one learns to acknowledge and admit one's problems, it is then one might be able to feel good about it and will work on it by taking the actions despite the visible flaws.
  
  Humans are thinking and curious machines. If one does not guide its thinking pattern, it will think for you. How will your mind think? it does by emotions and the secretion of hormones. The most important emotion that our ancestors have given us is the fight and flight response, the defense mechanism; defense from the alleged harm. Therefore in the meantime, our mind creates myths, thinking patterns, and assumptions that it thinks is helpful but is counterproductive. That is why no action in the field will give any result unless we do not work on our wholesome perspective on life. These myths, assumptions, and beliefs about oneself should be challenged and in return give a gift of a balanced and positive approach that is based on rationale and logic, to experience the life we want. We have to understand nobody hates or loves us completely, there will be people who love and some will hate and many will be neutral, assuming because I am scared all hates me is the myth that should be let go.
  
  One particular mindset emphasized is that we should not fight our anxieties but rather learn to live with it. This will helps us in familiarizing ourselves with the unwanted situation and thus will enable us to accept that beyond our curiosity, fear dies. This is especially true for me. I always Jump into a scary situation to get myself adjusted to the new place and environment. However, despite that, it should not be abrupt to prompt the flight and fight mood but rather well thought of Jump with the right mindset.
  
  Childhood trauma remains with people throughout life, that is why it needs to be healed or if it is coming from ancestors, then breaking the chain of that inter-generational trauma. It is necessary to ascertain the psychological problem as many wonders why some tricks work for one. while failing for others despite the hard work, it is because we are not using the appropriate medicine neither exact problems are identified.
  
  The author beautifully described the importance of physical exercise that has a paramount impact on the mental well being, it mentioned: "Regular exercise alone can sometimes do as much to quell anxiety as months of therapy." Meditation, exercise, and hobbies that engage human facilities and mind is the healthiest and easiest way to cope with mental health problems.
  
  The problem with these social problems is that it is not an easy task to change it immediately, it takes time and action. Anxiety can not be removed fully, but it can be reduced. This reduction will be gradual, not abrupt; this gradual reduction in one's life demands a change in the lifestyle and day to healthy day activities and of interest to the anxious person. Meditation or exercise is the healthiest amongst many, as it is said that regular exercise can a good alternative to months of therapy.
  
  There are other methods to use to curb fears like diving in abruptly, however, gradually familiarising yourself with your fears, in the long run, helps too. Reducing fears and insecurities through Real-World experiences. The second way to counter the counterproductive thinking is to learn from real-life experiences that challenge pre-existing beliefs with a practical rebuttal through life experiences. One strategy is to fake a thing till you make it, meaning forcing yourself to accept an unwanted situation, paving the way for positive behavior introducing an overall mentality. Breaking down fear into its hierarchy of intensity from least scary to most scary helps in the identification of fears to be faced on a priority basis until you familiarize enough with the activity. People often converse with people who have a friendly nature and outlook and avoid arrogant people. People talk to those who show a deep interest in that person.
  
  Conversation with people is an art, and that art is learned through talking to people. The author divided his books into two parts; one that addresses anxiety and mental preparedness and then goes on to the tip and techniques of how to have conversations with people and make friends. The details can only be seen in the book as it is many neither I could choose one technique which should be followed as everyone works in their way. The book is full of information, that can not be applied in one go but one has to apply each and everything in real life. Therefore it needs constant coming back to relevant chapters. It was based on social life yet it failed to address public speaking, however, I can not judge its goodness or badness based on just reading it. It did help me realized my shortcomings to gradually learn and reform myself. Lastly, I saw a chapter on Asperger's syndrome that can seriously hamper someone's social life. It was worth reading.
• 
  Luiz Fabricio Calland Cerqueira

  It has a good start; probably the first half of the book. Some CBT and ACT techniques and solutions. Clever interventions. But as the chapters continue, it evolves to some highly common sensical readings and "epiphanies". I´m not sure how much those can help someone who is really shy.
  
  As I´m reading it as a therapist, I get a bit scheptical about this second half, with much convoluted information and tips. I suppose I should ask someone who bought it as "medicine" for his/her own condition and ask how it went.
• 
  Boris

  This book starts with a diagnosis of some kind, which hits all my weak spots. The author knows what he is talking about, if you are thinking about reading this book, chances are you are sort of the same. Still, at the bottom line, this is still a self-help book, and just like in any other self-help book, 90% of the stuff is not very useful. Still, it helps to hear the analysis from the third person view, which is helpful and that is what this kind of book is all about. It is easy to read and it is motivating, so go for it!