| Title | : | Im the One That I Want |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 0345440145 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9780345440143 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Paperback |
| Number of Pages | : | 228 |
| Publication | : | First published January 1, 2001 |
Im the One That I Want Reviews
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I'm glad that Margaret Cho told her story. It's a brave story about living for too long not valuing herself, and descending into various addictions and unhealthy relationships. This wasn't bad, but I never really connected with it. I'm not really sure why this is was. It could've been due to the writing, the lack of detail in the vignettes, or because I didn't find this as humorous as I thought that I would.
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Margaret Cho is one of my favorite comedians of all time. I absolutely love her. I've seen her a couple times and I don't think I have ever laughed harder at a comedy show. This memoir is definitely funny in places but most of it is pretty serious. It was published in 2000 and I'm so glad that I know she just got better and better. There were times reading this that I just wanted to give her a hug! Margaret has always told it like it is and for that I will always worship her.
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Yeaaaah, I'm not sure why this is in the categories "Humor" or "Comedy". I mean, sure, Margaret Cho is a comedian, but the book itself isn't comedic. It has comedic touches, but it's overall a pretty serious account of her life leading up to her career taking off.
Content warnings (oh boy):
drug addiction
alcoholism
sexual harassment
rape
gendered slurs
transphobia (&transphobic slurs)
homophobic slurs
fatshaming
racism (in-book)
ableism
I wanted to like this so bad. My mother loves Margaret Cho, and although I've never seen any of her stand-up, I've heard such great things about her comedy that I just wanted to fall in love with her voice. And, I mean, I did sympathize with her cycles of self-sabatoge and making light of her sufferings (something I do too :/ ), and the very ending of the book was so hopeful and inspirational that I was left feeling rosy-eyed about everything.
But she fat-shamed people in the book, she used transphobic slurs, homophobic slurs, etc. And not just once, but several, several times. I know Margaret Cho isn't straight, but continually using the f** word made me on the verge of closing the book and picking something else up. She also seems to have a strange infatuation with gay men that seems . . . bordering fetishization? Again I'm not very familiar with Margaret Cho, but it made me very uncomfortable.
So while the ending was great, and I have nothing against her actual journey, the writing and language really put me off. -
Margaret Cho expands upon the material of her popular stand-up routine and film of the same name in this memoir. Less outrageously funny and downright sad in many instances, Cho writes about her lonely childhood and the odd jobs she worked at the beginning of her stand up career. She discusses her career ups and downs, her experiences with drugs, sex, and alcohol, and her family with the fearlessly honest tone that permeates her comedy persona.
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The book begins with some very painful childhood experiences... she was not just bullied, she was reviled. Even at a church sponsored summer camp, she was traded off by girls who should have been her friends, but sought social acceptance by joining in Margaret's (Moran's) humiliation. There are no adults around to intercede. Her parents seem to agree with the world's negative opinion of her. It is no surprise that she drops (flunks) out of school and finds companionship among those in society's other outcast groups.
There are many raw examples of what was wrong with her life. For this reason, the book is probably censored away from the many badgered and taunted teenage girls who could use these reality lessons to understand the dynamics that are working against them. Margaret figures it out finally--- after some real hard knocks lessons.
I read this in succession with Steve Martin's memoir about his stand up career
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life. In contrast, Margaret's book is much more intimate, informative and graphic. While Steve says it's lonely on the road-- Margaret describes it. The vignettes about finding a room around Fordham, driving on black ice, the booing in Monroe and the off duty bell hop, and more give the reader a real feel for what happens. Similarly, she describes how TV pilots are made from the business meeting with the humorless executives who decide what comedy shows will fly, to the high priority on the actress's weight, to the lack of interaction of the star and the writers. Martin reveals none of his experiences here.
This book is raw and real. Fortunately it has an affirming ending for the reader, but especially for Margaret. -
I am always interested in memoirs by famous people. Tracking their path to fame is usually enlightening and entertaining.
I've found that books by comics are particularly difficult to read. So much of their entertainment value comes from non-verbal communications. This was true of Cho as well. The book felt flat to me, and it was disjointed, jumping from timeframe to timeframe with no particular rhyme or reason. While many of the anecdotes conveyed were interesting, I had trouble following along.
As a result, I stopped about halfway through. It was just too confusing for me, though I value her story and experiences.
For the light of heart -- you may want to avoid this book. It's quite graphic in parts and she doesn't hold back on the sex, drugs or rock-n-roll. -
I want to like Margaret Cho, but far too much of this book is an addict memoir and those get tedious if you haven't been there. The publishing company does not seem to have given her the good editors, either. The episode about a church youth group retreat, however, is one of the most unsparing victim's eye descriptions of teenage bullying I have ever read, and should be required reading for youth workers.
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"I was a bit disappointed that it was forgotten so easily, but I learned something very important that day: When you are on a stage and you wave, people wave back. This information would become very important for me later on."
"I was stoic, silent, nonviolent even back then. I didn't pay attention. But I stayed at that same school for five more years, which is forever when you are a kid, and I must admit, it wore me down. I think I lost something there--an interior brightness. The luster and the silver lining and the Tootsie Roll center and the brave one in me went far underground, now surfacing, twisted, perverted, deformed, with a dowager's hump and a bad nervous tic, but tougher still."
"Since I didn't really have friends who I was not related to, and the kids that were cruelest to me were other Koreans, my entire world was an exercise in not belonging."
"It started with my name. I was born Moran Cho. Moran is a Korean name, meaning peony flower, a plant that blooms even in the harshest winter."
"Lonliness became familiar and easy. I played 'Chopsticks' alone on the piano, and learned to love every solitary note."
"Homosexuality brought me back to men, made me see they could be trusted, and even loved. I've never stopped feeling this way."
"It was like the Birds and the Bees and the Butterflies."
"Drag queens are strong because they have so much to fight against: homophobia, sexism, pinkeye."
"While no woman wants to be thought of as a 'hag,' you must acknowledge that the gay man in your life is not concerned with your youth or beauty. He wants to know your soul. He loves you for your courage and intellect. Whether you are lovely or plain, you are beautiful to him for these qualities---and many more."
"Tricks are always much more trouble than they are worth. That is why, every Halloween, when I am asked 'Trick or Treat,' I always err on the side of chocolate. Yes, it's true. I do live in paradise."
"Performing, which was such a secret wish, the truest desire of my heart, was what I was forced to choose when the dreams of my parents were turning into nightmares. In the beginning, I disappointed everyone, except myself."
"I stayed an addict out of fear, fear that this was my life, and that I couldn't escape without stoner-sleepwalking my way through it."
"When the crowd is with you, the jokes are fresh, your timing is just right, and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. You feel like you are exactly where you should be, and there is nothing better. Comedy is a rare gift from the gods, an awesome invention. It propels you right into the heart of the universe."
"We must know who we are, so we can know what we want, so we don't end up wanting the wrong thing and get it and realize we don't want it, because by then it is too late. We are powerful enough that we can manifest anything into our lives To use this power with great care and love is the secret to living a happy life. I wish I had known this then."
"Never trust a straight guy who does makeup unless he does the aliens on Star Trek."
"Why was I so tough? It was because I wasn't just looking for a job, I was looking for some self-worth. I constantly looked outside myself for something that would fix me, and it was a desperate search."
"Life is so terrible when you think there is nothing to look forward to. I thought that misery was my only option."
"What hurt most was that it was not a body part I could hide. There was no girdle or minimizer for your face. It is the part of you that cannot be changed or denied or altered. It is the very essence of you. How did I not want to hide my face forever?" -
In her brilliant memoir, comedienne Margaret Cho analyzes her life with the skill of an offbeat poet-philosopher.
I’M THE ONE THAT I WANT is a tiny gem, hard, tough, searing and unrelenting in its honesty. (It’s that unrelenting honesty that made me feel weary by the end of the book. But I felt I’d accomplished something.)
Ms. Cho re-lives a litany of bad relationships with boyfriends she dislikes/hates and can’t wait to dump. Three men stand out. Jon and Glenn—the two men she fell in love with—are incapable of reciprocating her love (not to mention the fact they both have girlfriends). With the third man—Marcel, her fiancé--she almost lives out her “wedding fantasy” even though she is not in love with him.
The book is, at times, stunning, beautiful, unexpected. The scenes of Cho being harassed as a child by other Korean children at camp are painful to read. In her teen years, she was expelled from high school to the deep shame of her conservative/traditional Korean parents. Later, in Louisiana, college students booed Cho while she was on stage.
Marcel was a chance at conventional happiness.
She writes that “it never occurred to me to break up with him. . . . I’d also miss all the attention couples who are presumably in love get. . . . People look at you with admiration. I’d see the faraway look that some women would get, the envy, delicious and cold. I was not so willing to give up that privilege, no matter how much it cost me. Everybody thought I was so lucky.”
One day--once Cho had mentally released her “wedding fantasy”--she scribbled out a list that ended with, “Find the strength to leave Marcel.” Weeks later, she was still engaged, still unable to release the real Marcel. “I cried and cried and tried to stop crying as I went into the supermarket.” As Cho waited in line, an elderly lady glimpsed how distraught Cho was and said, “ ‘We have a while. Do you want to tell me what’s the matter?’” Eventually, Cho responded, “ ‘I have to break up with my boyfriend, but I just feel so guilty.’ ”
To which the lady said, “’Oh, honey, I felt so guilty, I married him.’"
Once she finally released Marcel, “Accepting myself was like getting to know a new friend.” Cho produced a CD and wrote and opened her Broadway show, “I’m the One That I Want”—even as she maintained her sobriety and lost weight (alongside her best friend, her dog Ralph).
Toward the end of the book, Cho writes, “Learning how to love myself from within, to make my opinion count the most, knowing that no one and nothing is going to save me except myself—these are the lessons I have been forced to learn. That is what my life now is all about.”
--Yolanda A. Reid
Author of PORRIDGE & CUCU: MY CHILDHOOD
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16... -
I really like Margaret Cho, and I liked the idea of this book, mostly from the self-empowerment title. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Less funny, and a lot more dark and depressing. A lot of the book focuses on her addiction to drugs and alcohol, and her self-image issues. And if it was a fictional book, I would probably have got frustrated with her as a protagonist and told her to get over it. But it was real, and she really went through it, and I can see why some people are put off the book because of it.
However, the ending justified it all - it was the self-empowerment that I was looking for. My only complaint is that it felt like the final two chapters were tacked on the end as a last minute afterthought, 10 pages to lighten the mood after 150 pages of darkness and misery.
Luckily, for me it still worked for the most part. The only part I found a struggle was the last 40 or so pages. By that point, I was ready for her to be over the drugs, and it felt like she was too - it felt like there was a lot less detail, and a lot more of just retreading the same ground. But as I said, it was worth it then for the conclusion that came of it. I just wish there was a bit more focus on it.
{read 18/12/2014-28/12/2014} -
"I'm the one that I want" by Margaret Cho is one of the funniest books I've read. It's a halarious story of how she was raised by drag queens, was thrown into show business, and how cruel the real world can be. Cho shows her true strength in how she was able to over come critical managers, tv directors, and her audience. When she was very young she starred in a tv show about being Asian in America. Everything was going well until she was informed by her manager that she was "too fat to play herself". Cho struggled with eating disorders, depression, and drug use. She attempted to find comfort in jumping from man to man, trying to fing love where ever she could. Eventually, she woke up one day and knew she had to change. She kicked her drug and alcohol habbit and started on the road to success. Margaret is now a very popular comedian. Her set consists of her looking back on those horrible times and giving them a commical twist. She really has made the best out of a bad situation.
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The written version of Cho's fabulously funny (and now classic) one-woman show, this book is alternately hilarious and excruciating. A lot of the material will be familiar to those who know Cho's act (though she left out the lesbian cruise/"Where's MY parade?" bit! WHY?), but there's also lots--and lots and lots and lots--of Cho's struggles with body issues, with drugs, with disastrously low self-esteem. I appreciate that Cho went through all of that, and that she overcame it, but it is painful to read about, especially when for much of the book, the balance is toward "here are all the horrible things that happened to me and how shitty I felt about myself" rather than "and here's what I learned/how I moved beyond it all." Ultimately, unlike the show, this book is not comedic, it's depressing--it made me feel bad. Which doesn't in the least make this a book that shouldn't have been written, but does make it one that I don't really want to read.
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I LOVE Margaret Cho. When she's making fun of her mother, she's making fun of MY mother, and there's something about knowing that there are other girls out there who've "suffered" under a Korean run household in America that makes me warm inside. (I too have used rice when we didn't have glue at home.) That said, I only made it through the first handful of chapters before I had to put the book down. This must say something about her stand up delivery. To read her is NOT at all as funny as to hear her crazy Korean mother accent. There are just too many words between the punch lines and no crazy faces and body gestures to fill the spaces. I'm going to rent the video and hope it's better than this.
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I really like Margaret Cho and have explored her works while studying and writing about feminist political thought for my undergrad. The beginning of the book works well, maybe because all the crap of being an outcast child and teenager was so distant at the time she wrote it. The second half, being so much closer at the time of writing, makes for a bit of an uncomfortable read. Despite concluding with profound statements about loving and accepting oneself, after reading through the final chapters that detailed very dark periods of her life, I was left feeling a little relieved that I didn't have to read anymore. But, if you like Margaret Cho it's likely for her raw honesty which you will find here in abundance.
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This book took me by surprise. It took a few chapters for me to really understand Cho's style and appreciate it. Initially, it appeared to me that she was trying too hard to be "weird" and "out there." However, as I got into it, it grew on me, and it only added to her amazing character.
You want to be friends with her, root for her. Her life is so dramatic and twisted and you want so badly for her to win the fight. She's brutally honest and says the things that most women are too hesitant to say--and are encouraged not to talk about. She gives a voice to more than one repressed group, namely women and Asians. I'm so happy to have found another woman who isn't afraid to speak freely.
A must-read! -
If I hadn't had to read this book for a class, I would not have finished it. Although some parts of it were legitimately funny/poignant/insightful, the vast majority of the book was a pity-party about how much Cho was picked on as a kid, her drinking and drug problems, and her annoying self-loathing she experienced through the majority of her life. I imagine that, by including all the negative parts about ex-boyfriends and substance abuse, she was meaning to instill in people the idea that it is a battle that can be beaten. However, it was more annoying than inspiring and made the whole book a huge downer.
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While this book shares a title with her late-90s comedy show, this is not a comic memoir. Not surprisingly, since Cho's humor works more with timing and exaggerated effect rather than one-liners, but there is enough humor laced throughout to keep these slices of life from becoming too grim.
These tales of living with bullying and the self-destructive behaviors that can result should be on every high school reading list, but it won't be, because she swears and has an abortion and because parents are awful about things like that. -
i love reading books written by female comedians. such strong women, from different walks of life, who are deeply in love with comedy. margaret cho, tina fey, amy poehler, loni love, cheldea handler, mindy kaling, sarah silverman, jane lynch... i love their dedication, despite how sometimes life can be dissapointing and sad. i'm always amazed at how they can take everything, the good and the bad, analyze it and portray it in such a light that you can't help but laugh with them.
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A friend loaned me this book and I found it very funny and very sad. It was interesting to see what Margaret went through and to be reminded of the very few Asian shows and performers are out there. (That aren't put in stereotypical rolls.) I don't watch TV so I was a little saddened that things haven't changed. I'm going to watch the DVD as soon as the library send me the copy!
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Funny, well written and a no holds barred account of Margaret Cho's life.
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Recently a new sitcom about a Korean-Canadian family premiered on CBC. While watching the show I was reminded of Margaret Cho's show All-American Girl and began watching the show on YouTube to see how it held up all these years later. I had loved the show not only because of Cho but also because I had a crush on B.D. Wong who played her brother. While rewatching the show I became more curious about Cho's life so I picked up the book. Written in that quick spoken word type manner favoured by celebrities the book looks at how Cho became first a stand up comedienne and how she learned to love herself. It is interesting and fun in a light hearted breezy way.
"But I stayed at that same school for five more years, which is forever when you were a kid, and I must admit, it wore me down. I think I lost something there an interior brightness. The lustre and the silver lining and the Tootsie Roll Centre and the brave one and me one for underground, now surfacing, twisted perverted, deformed, with a dowger's hump and a bad nervous too, but tougher still." 13
"In the end, women and gay men understand longing and loss, and the pole of the physical body against the weight of societal commands. We are all witches and shape shifters and healers and gods and goddesses, and we must stay together and join forces to lift each other up."149
"Ah, love. We all hang so many hopes and dreams and expectations on it, like ornaments on the Christmas tree of dysfunction, with the shining star of inadequacy right on top."191 -
A comedienne narrates her life.
I listened to this version of Margaret Cho's life, as an unabridged audiobook, read by the author. I liked that the author narrated it herself, especially when she impersonated her mother, but her male voices were painful.
I enjoyed the early part of the story the most; Margaret was a loner, picked on by the other children for being different, but she told her story without sounding overly sorry for herself. Unfortunately the second part of the book was Margaret's story of excessive drink and drugs and there was a distinct note of misery and self loathing, which quickly became irritating. This section was also too long - too many tales of drinking, partying and doing drugs, where a few examples would have done.
It was interesting how a child with no friends found a place for herself in comedy, in deriding the very things that had hurt her most in life. I had to respect her for that, even if her style of comedy is not to my taste. This book was published twelve years before I came across it and, judging by her appearances in YouTube, her career has progressed considerably since that time. -
I haven't read this book in years but I wanted to leave some kind of a reminder to myself not to do it again. I love Margaret Cho and think she's hilarious. I'm grew up surrounded by Asians, of all kinds, and it amazes me how much her comedy rings true for all of them. Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, Filipino, or whatever: there seems to be a deep thread of shared cultural absurdity that manifests itself in surprisingly similar ways. I also get this feeling whenever I listen to Carlos Mencia, so maybe it's not confined to Asians (Where are the ah-ah-ah batteries?!)
But comedy so often seems to always come from a dark place and Cho is not an exception. This book is extremely dark and like most of her life this book is not a happy one. It's so bad that I felt that the latter "happy ending" was a form of denial. A nice candy coating to make us all believe in silver linings. I had the same feeling after reading this book as I did when I read Silvia Plath's The Bell Jar. So, although I wish Cho the absolute best, I won't be reading this again. -
I love Margaret Cho. I am convinced she and I would be BFFs. Not even kidding. She's amazing. I watched her show when I was much younger, and saw a few of her performances on television. I always liked her.
I didn't know what to expect going into this. I didn't know if it was going to be a straight memoir, or if it was going to be funny, or sad. It was all of the above. She had me cracking up at one point, thoughtful at another. The harder parts of her life, she tells in a very real way, without being too much or too little. It's appreciated.
I didn't care for the way she narrated this, though. She over enunciated everything, and left dram.ati.ic. pauses between syllables that I just couldn't understand why they were there.
The bit about crushes was especially poignant for me. If I'd had the hard book in front of me, I would've copied it word for word and plastered it to my refrigerator to remind myself to not be a douchebag when it comes to having a crush on someone. -
I love Margaret Cho as a comedianne/actrees but not the writer. This book had a few funny parts and they were really funny. I could not wait to finish this book I almost decided to stop twice. The worst part of the book for me was her relationship with the man who was sooo in love with her but she couldn't stand him. She said she didn't write about him to hurt him but to let him know how she felt. BS, nobody deserves to find out, from a book, that you did not want to have sex with them, their touch made you flinch, and you were so happy they left. This just seemed cruel to me. I can really understand this book being cathartic for her. I wish this book followed a timeline. One minute she would be in high school, then in college after being kicked out of high school then back to high school. It was just all over the place.
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I was definitely not a fan of Margaret Cho in the beginning... All American Girl days... but after reading this book and giving her another chance, with all my queer feminist girlfriends raving about her, I get that what I didn't like about the show was also largely what Cho didn't like about the show either. This book also helps you come to realize that the All American Girl days... weren't nearly The Beginning. I love her as a comedian, respect her so much as an activist, and am constantly amazed by the way that she can articulate so many of the complexities of being lost between so many minorities, on the margins of the marginalized, in such a scathingly humorous but politically powerful way.
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This is a brutal, honest memoir about every painful event that made Margaret Cho the comedy diva that she is today. There is an amazing lot of introspection here -- levels of understanding that usually come from long hours in a psychiatrist's office, or from the pen of a ghost writer. For some reason, I get the feeling that neither apply here -- that Margaret is strong enough and smart enough to have come to these realizations on her own.
The book starts with her birth and goes right up to the turn of the century. Along the way, Margaret experiences every kind of prejudice and abuse you can imagine. Anyone who reads this book will identify with at least a few parts of it, and hopefully will also share the understanding that nobody deserves it. -
I remember when All American Girl came out and how excited I was that finally - finally! - an Asian American sitcom was on my tv. It wasn't until I saw her standup show that I realised how awful it was behind the scenes, with producers pressuring her to lose weight because "her face looked too full".
I've seen a couple of Cho's shows but this book is nothing like them. It's a harrowing and bleak read of what seems like a tortured life, plagued by self-doubt and a never ending onslaught of bad relationships.
The only funny stories I'd already heard, and were detailed much better in her stand up shows.
I found it hard going and bereft of inspiration which felt like a real shame - Cho has been a trailblazer for smart and sassy women everywhere. -
A brutally honest autobiography that doesn't flinch away from the darker, uglier, unstable sides of Cho's experiences (no rose-colored glasses here). Her journey through drugs, alcohol, Hollywood, sex, stand-up, and failure is intense and oddly refreshing in a genre (autobiography/memoir) that can sometimes be too cleaned-up and watered-down.
There were moments when the exact timeline of events wasn't clear and sometimes the shifts in tense threw me off as to what was happening in the "present", but this was a solid read. Yes, there are some bits in here that are her stand-up routines verbatim, but the majority of the story is new material or is otherwise expanded on beyond what she says on stage.
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