Tears of the Silenced: A True Crime and an American Tragedy; Severe Child Abuse and Leaving the Amish by Misty Griffin

Tears of the Silenced: A True Crime and an American Tragedy; Severe Child Abuse and Leaving the Amish Reviews

• 
  John

  I am not sure whether to consider this a novel based on several actual abuse cases, or if its an autobiographical account with lavishly embellished events created in the authors mind to demonize and project her past abuse onto the Amish with impunity because the Amish are not very likely to dispute her story. The public is not very likely to actually demand facts but far too many will read it and take it at face value with out question
  
  I tend to lean towards the latter. I was born and raised Swartzentruber Amish and one thing is for certain. This is NOT a true story as the author implies. There are far too many discrepancies for it to be even remotely legit in that aspect and for me to take many of her accusations serious. She has definitely suffered abuse and I am sorry she had to endure that but it doesn’t give her the right to fabricate an account and claim it to be true. I have since left the Amish but will always acknowledge the good of the community.
  
  
  The Swartzentrubers do not accept and raise any children from an outside family for one. They do not ‘elect’ Bishops, they are chosen by ‘lot’. There is no ‘engagement’ period in the Swartzentrubers as she suggests, and the list goes on. Hexing buggy wheels so they cant move and have to walk to church, using dark magic to open cupboards are claims so far fetched, its simply not believable to a person with any degree of logic, especially for someone that has any real knowledge of the Amish. In her narrative she was told to choose an ‘Amish’ name and then uses names like ‘Phyllis’ for her Amish characters. I never heard of an Amish person with that name, even in the more progressive groups. I mean I get it that she is trying to paint a picture to put the Amish in a bad light but she is so over the top and embellishes so badly it gets almost laughable at times. One thing I can agree with her on is the romance novels written about the Amish by non Amish authors who project their own idealistic Puritanical ideas into them try and pass them off as fact, are giving the general public a false sense of reality about Amish life.
  
  
  There are social and sexual deviants within the Amish as in any group. There is a need for awareness within the Amish but writing blatant sensationalism will not help that at all. As a matter of fact, I am not sure which disadvantages the abused within the Amish more, the Amish fiction that paints it as a perfect Puritanical life or this one that sensationalizes it into the fiction category and makes it totally unbelievable.
  
  The book is rather drawn out and repetitive and somewhat poorly edited. Although I am sure if she reduced it to mere fact and used a credible, mainstream publisher and left the fiction out, it would not have made enough of a story to sell. Adding the Amish element to it definitely made it more sellable and shocking. Its somewhat choppy and almost seems like it was written in parts by different personas. I found it interesting that while she was in the first section of the book where she describes ‘mama’ and Brian and all the Sadistic abuse they subjected her to, she then quoted Octave Mirbeau. I would think someone writing a book under the pretense of being an advocate for abused children would want to refrain from even mentioning Mirbeau
  
  It is difficult to believe every adult in her life was such a monster. Her plotline and events are so sketchy and vague and With the blatant discrepancies in the way she describes some things that I know because of the way I was raised, to be untrue, I really don’t know what, if anything she says, to believe. There are only several Swartzentruber settlements in Minnesota and I have uncles and cousins in each one. No one there has ever heard of her claims and with good reason. It never happened
• 
  Misty Griffin

  Breaking the silence on Amish sexual abuse. My memoir about leaving the Amish
• 
  Michelle

  Popsugar Challenge 2021 - A book you think your best friend would like
  
  I haven't read a book like this in many decades, since I read A Child Called It which was probably pre internet. Trigger warnings for pretty much everything here, its harrowing. 
  
  This is Misty's memoir of her childhood with her abusive parents and her journey into the Amish lifestyle / community. 
  
  While horrific on many levels this was a great insight into a (not all) Amish community, the beliefs, the day to day life, the structure and processes of marriage, sins etc etc. I've come out of this reading experience with much more knowledge than I went into it with.
  
  I'm not here to rate anyone's life, auto five stars from me on memoirs.
  
  At time of posting this book is available on Kindle Unlimited. 
• 
  Jess☺️

  (I'm not really sure if the stars are right for this kind of book it's somebody's life)
  Tears Of The Silenced by Misty Griffin is about the authors life and all the kinds of abuse she and her sister went through before joining an Amish community and whilst being part of the community.
  I could not for the life of me begin to even imagine how these two girls survived.
  It's definitely an eye opener into others life's which is just horrendous and heartbreaking.
  I can't decide if it's a happy ending or not (it's kind of both in a odd way)
  It also opens your eyes to the whole evil lurks in every corner no matter what we believe in.
  Would I recommend this?? Yes and No 📖
• 
  Spider the Doof Warrior

  Dammit. It did not save my review! That's so annoying. I'll have to write it all over again. I swear if I have to write one more thing over again I will turn into something.
  
  Anyway, this book is painful to read. It's like trying to watch Slumdog Millionaire which I could not even handle because the child abuse would not end. I was like if one more child gets beaten and molested in this book... It made me want to jump into the book and just shoot her so-called parents who beat her endless and her mother let her step father molest and beat both sisters and force them into a pseudoAmish cult.
  
  Then when they join a real group of Amish you think, oh, things will get better! Amish people are so pure and innocent right? So virtuous.
  
  But then you would be WRONG! Because there is molestation and all kinds of problems in the Amish community. But if a person molests a child they get put in the Bann for six weeks. Then the victim is forced to forgive them. Never mind THAT IT HAPPENS OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
  
  But if you're gay you'd be kicked out. But get molested and don't forgive and YOU'RE TREATED LIKE YOU COMMITTED A CRIME! They won't even get the cops involved. It's horrible.
  
  So, Misty stood up and called the cops on a man who was raping his kids, tried to rape her and then was also poisoning his wife. But she was treated like the bad guy for involving outsiders.
  
  I really hope that her so-called parents were punished somehow because they were not only abusing these kids but an elderly woman and a mentally ill woman!
• 
  Jes Caruss

  I wish I could give ZERO stars!
  
  What a crock of shite! For someone who "doesn't remember things well" because they fell head first into the mouth of a Dane at 4 and had suffered severe head injuries (don't even get me started on that flat out lie!) she sure remembers a lot, and in minute and graphic detail! And the claims of the FBI coming in and taking her from her mom and dad because they had a warrant for kidnapping, yet the parents weren't arrested? Lady, I want what ever it is that you've been smoking!
  As someone who is a survivor of childhood abuse/sexual abuse, domestic violence who also suffers a TBI from being hit head on by a drunk driver, I have PTSD, I have borderline personality disorder stemming from the abuse, I am appalled at this clear attempt to exploit what true victims live through!
  She may have suffered some type of abuse, but this "true story" is a huge pile of bullshit! This is the only time I've ever said this, but SHAME ON YOU! I hope you rot in hell!
• 
  Barbikat60

  I wanted to cry but I couldn't. This is a powerful book about child abuse and how abusers get away with their crimes. I'm glad the author escaped her misery but my heart aches for all of those who cannot escape their tormentors. A few Summers back, I attended a demonstration against a Satmar male therapist who molested a young girl under his professional care. Amish and Hasidic communities are insular and nobody talks about abuse. The government can't interfere allegedly but all these fundamentalist groups can get money from the government. That is unacceptable and they have to be held accountable for the damage they have inflicted on so many children and adults. I hope more books like this are published so that that the truth can set the victims free.
• 
  andrew y

  andrew's adventure in kindle unlimited-eligible titles, part 5:
  well, here it is. the top choice eligible for kindle unlimited, the obvious pinnacle of quality in the field.
  
  Trigger Warning: Expand the following field for my usual flippant tone.
  
  this might be the single worst book I have ever read. remember dave pelzer? remember saying "okay this is a little overwrought but he is helping people probably"? imagine that but now imagine the book was written with inelegant word choice at every turn, timelines that do not match, stupifyingly obvious falsified details hiding behind the "we are protecting the innocent!" defense while in reality plain lying, and a narrator whose imperiousness made her impossible to root for. since I am also incredibly anal about this sort of thing, a couple hours of researching caused key moments of the story to totally fall apart. yes, pelzer also stretched the truth, but not over and over with absolutely no redeeming purpose driving it.
  
  
  I am sensitive to the clearly traumatic childhood Ms. Griffin underwent. But this book is not, not, not what she should be doing with her time, and any editor who cared about her would not have let it be released to the public in this form.
  
  Overall I would not recommend the kindle unlimited service.
• 
  Glen

  I read this book, mainly because I went through an abusive childhood and I was intrigued by the Amish angle. I wanted to know about the abuse she endured as well as how she got to a place where she could write about her experience.
  
  I am not Amish, nor do I know about the Amish in any great detail. I do have Mennonite co-workers and friends. My wife and I, with her brother and wife visited 'Amish' country in Ohio and in the hustle and bustle of my normal life, I will say that I liked what I saw and wanted to jump out of the car and join them.
  
  Before I gather thoughts on writing a review I looked at other reviews on goodreads, some of which I could both agree with and some disagree with. One person brought up the 'fact' that the Amish don't take in anyone outside their culture, but I have read an article (National Geographic?), where people were able to become members of the community. According to the article it is very rare but possible. Another person, indicated that in his (Amish) community, Bishops were not elected but were chosen by lot. I believe Misty indicated that the Bishops were chosen by lot, in that several men were recommended (elected?) and given bibles where one bible had a slip of paper indicate the bearer was to become a Bishop. The reviewer also condemned the superstition/witchcraft angle of her Amish district. I know nothing about that but must make observation that there is a history of hex symbols painted on barns and many are reproduced and are for sale to the 'English'. What is the origins of the need for hex symbols? Maybe they are not any superstitions as a part of life now, but there was a time that they were. The hex signs did not come out of a vacuum, even if they are now considered endearing folk art, which is part of the Amish charm. I am sure googling the subject will bring about a lot of information, but I have said enough, I just wanted to make a couple of observations. Already, I put more work in this review then I intended.
  
  The book did capture my imagination and I read through it in a very short time. Like others have observed, editing seem non-existent. I kept asking myself what was the point on repeating this or that aspect of her life. When she announced at the beginning of a chapter how her life was about to change for the worst (again), I didn't feel that it did. Significant was when Brian tried to kill her, and later when the Bishop assaulted her under the barn. The beatings when she and her sister were young were brutal to say the least, but she did not indicate that there was any in the Amish community, and her negative experiences seemed more like 'the growing pains' of becoming Amish. Except that she was very leery of what intentions her Amish father may have on her, she didn't report anything more than his desire to be alone with her and her Amish mother's jealousy. What is factual and what may be an exaggeration? I don't know. Why even bring up the subject of the Bishop and bestiality? She made no direct observations of the Bishop pursuing this. The author claims to be on the short end of the education spectrum, but I feel that she may have been emphasizing the wrong things in the structure of her writing. Is she going to hell if she rejects the Amish way? She said she knew more about the Bible than the Bishop did, the biblical answer was there for her to grasp and process. She regretted her need to leave the Amish community, but as she revealed what she went through before she was accepted by the Amish, there had to be a overwhelming need for family. She expressed multiple times how she and her sister did not know what normalcy was outside her mother and step-father's control.
  
  As already indicated, there was a lot about this story that did not make sense. It is suspicious that Misty has a very balance and perfect view of herself and what is required to be a halfway decent person, but she writes about her many pleas to God and these attributes may have been passed on as part of her faith. There are things that need to be elaborated on. Cases of abuse often takes on forms that never makes sense. As an abuse survivor, I will say I am hyperaware of the possibility of abuse in everything I observe. Misty indicated her suspicions in the things she observed. I am unhappy that she reports no consequences or actions against her mother and stepdad by herself or the authorities. In my own case of abuse, even with clear proof and other victims coming forward, not much was done to my abuser. I blame that on the attitudes at that time and the lack of clear-cut actions that needed to be implemented by law enforcement and state agencys.
  
  I liked the book. I would not recommend that you don't read the book, but it could have been written more concisely and with more thought towards the many questions her account of her abuse would generate from reading it.
  
• 
  Freda Mans-Labianca

  At moments, this was a tough book to read.
  You feel dirty at times, witnessing the abuse these two girls, their grandmother and their aunt suffered through the book. It almost felt wrong to read it.
  But there is a message there.
  Moving forward is possible.
  You won't feel it at that moment, in that space in time, but it is there. Just like it was for Misty. She took that power into her own hands.
  She is a voice for all of those silenced victims in the Amish community.
  As a worldly person, I am left wondering how we as a people can allow this to continue. If you read this book, you will be affected. You will probably ask how people can turn a blind eye based on religion.
  I did, at least.
  I read my Bible every single day, and the teachings I learn from God within that book say nothing about abuse and being a sexual predator.
  At least there is a happy ending to the story.
• 
  Andrea Ginn Scott

  Tragic, sure. Well written, nope. Plenty of odd phrasing and moments to indicate perhaps less than authentic. I finished it because I finish things.
• 
  Mary Ann

  I simply could not finish this; it is so poorly written, filled with grammatical, punctuation, and usage errors. Even with good copy editing, it would not be a good book. It is way too long, repetitive, and internally factually inconsistent, which speaks to credibility. I do not question that the author has suffered horrendous physical and sexual abuse, nor would I doubt that she has suffered from PTSD. I do, however, question the accuracy of her recollections and her casual generalizations regarding the Amish community as a whole. Much of what she describes as "Amish" is not typical of the culture, customs, or religious practice in general. Much better (and more believable) examples of memoirs of survivors of abuse are Jeanette Walls's The Glass Castle or Mary Karr's The Liars' Club and Cherry.
  The one good thing is that I only paid ninety-nine cents for it. I could not recommend this book to anyone.
• 
  Christina DeVane

  This was very painful to listen to as this girl suffered many different types of abuse in her life.
  She was NOT born into an Amish family and didn’t live in a community until she was 18.
  She had a terrible mother and stepfather who were abusive and controlling and eventually started dressing like the Amish to hide from the authorities. (I believe)
  She didn’t know how to speak up for herself. But after living with the Amish for awhile and seeing more disturbing things and experiencing unwanted advances she went to the police. She cut ties with everything Amish and ended up at a missionary school and went to nursing school.
  
  My heart is pained for all the suffering she endured. I never thought about abuse happening frequently in the Amish community, but she states how they are human like anyone else and they have their church leaders they can hide behind as they handle all discipline cases.
  
  The author says her faith in God remains strong and she doesn’t blame him which I found commendable.
  My hope and prayer for any victim of abuse is that they can find safety in a community of loving people and hope in God who loves them eternally. 💜
  The wickedness of man is disgusting, but God’s eternal justice is coming! 🙌
• 
  J.P. Willson

  This was an extremely difficult book to read. Not simply because of the content which in places was brutal but also because of the repetitiveness of the abuse. I do understand that this kind of abuse should not be tolerated under any circumstances but once having established the brutality of such there was no need to repeat the same thing over and over just because it happened over the course of many years. The first 150 or so pages were the same thing as the girls grew older the abuse continued, I get that, the title tells that quite well.
  Yes I did put the book down many times. I am aware abuse happens in every kind of community on the face of the planet- it's just the way it is. I do have a bit of a hard time believing though, the extent of the sexual abuse the author describes within the Amish community and nothing is done about it.
  Quite apparently the author has suffered for many years and for that I feel for her and her sister, this should not happen to anyone, anywhere, ever.
  Truthfully I think this book was much too long, too repetitive and at times, I believe, somewhat colourfully enhanced as to the life of the Amish. Of this I can never be certain as I am not Amish, yet I am also a "creative non-fiction" writer.
• 
  Shaun

  It is very rare that I don't finish a book. I am generally a very patient and generous reader even if a book doesn't immediately grab me.
  
  But this book disappointed on several fronts.
  
  One, I purchased this book because a friend recently had the Amish build a produce stand for her farm. I've always been fascinated by this plainly-dressed community whose members seem happy to shun the world at large.
  
  Both the book title and the prologue indicates that this is a book, at least in part, about the Amish. Unfortunately, the author and her family were not Amish. Her stepfather ultimately wanted to live like the Amish but only managed a somewhat perverse interpretation at best.
  
  Two, the characters lack depth and feel more like rough outlines of people rather than complex human beings, which is especially strange since this is supposed to be based on a true story. For example, the parents are repeatedly referred to a evil monsters who beat their two daughter multiple times a day, laughing and physically taking pleasure in the abuse. Then in the next breath, the author also tells us that there were other times where things were normal. The problem is the reader doesn't really get a sense of the dichotomy as the author doesn't paint a very clear portrait with her descriptions. And this brings me to the third point.
  
  
  Three, the repetition is boring. Stylistically, this book is lacking. Every chapter feels like a duplicate of the previous. Now to be fair, I only made it 20% way through the book. Still, to me, the story lacked emotion and insight, which is something I think all good memoirs should have.
  
  So how did this book manage to get an average 4 star rating? I have no clue. Maybe I simply gave up too soon. Maybe I had too my preconceptions or unrealistic expectations. Maybe the shocking and bizarre life this woman describes is enough for other readers to overlook its shortcomings.
  
  
  This woman obviously had a horrendous childhood, and I applaud her for having the courage to write a book.
  
  Perhaps at some point, I might pick this one back up and if I do I will be sure to update my review.
• 
  Catherine Watson

  I found this book absolutely fantastic, I couldn't put it down until I was finished! The events that unfolded were tragic, but unfortunately not surprising.
  
  It's always so horrible to hear good people suffering at the hands of evil, Amish community aside. No matter the religion, there will always be people there to try and abuse it for their own gain and to manipulate. I was elated when Misty left the church, and felt so proud of her for going to the police.
  
  I've read some review complaining about the demensions of the characters, but I don't think they're truly taking into consideration the difficulty one encounters when writing about the horrors of their own lives. To do so at all is commendable, but to make it successful, with a strong narrative in which results in a popular book? Downright extraordinary.
  
  To the Amish that are complaining about the book, it's clearly stated that Misty isn't condemning the Amish, but rather those who try to take advantage of the system.
  
  Fantastic read by a fantastic author.
  
  Whilst everyone is more than entitled to their own opinion, if anyone is in strict denial about the events of this book, please proceed to fight me.
• 
  Karen

  While I don't doubt what is written in this book is true, I also don't consider it typical of most of the Amish. Also, what happened with Brian and Misty's mother is most definitively not typical of the Amish as I would not consider them Amish, more like people pretending to be Amish and adopting some of their customs. Brian and his wife seem more like lazy, system beaters with sadistic personalities. I did find the book interesting and sad, but it was the most poorly edited e-book I have ever read.
• 
  Kanika Gupta

  My first insight into the Amish culture but not the very first in sexual abuse.
  Misty- people like you are an inspiration to everyone and not just the ones who are abused. Experiences like yours help us appreciate the most common things in our life.
  Thank you for turning the lifetime of horrible abuse into something that can inspire the readers.
• 
  Chaz

  I probably need to stop spending time with these Kindle freebies. By and large they really are pretty bad.
  
  The writing in this one wasn't as bad as the last one I read (something about the Colonial Parkway murders in the 80s... Ugh it was awful), but it still feels like something written for a high school English class, which I suppose makes sense given her lack of a formal education. This book was either edited poorly or not edited at all, not sure which.
  
  If I had a nickel for every sentence in this book structured as "I blah blah blah..." I could fully fund my pension. Entire paragraphs were composed this way. The author claims she had a college professor who spotted her writing talent and encouraged her to become a writer. Oh boy... She does seem adept at being able to toot her own horn in spots, like when mentioning how much more slim and shapely her figure is in comparison to other Amish girls. Sigh.
  
  I cracked up at how she censors what she considers to be profanity: "a*s" and "h**l" and perhaps my favorite, the hard hitting "j*rk." No F-bombs here folks!
  
  The story? I do not doubt for a second she suffered abuse. Serious and horrific emotional, physical, sexual abuse. But there are some parts of her story that don't quite add up. Like the part about the FBI coming after her parents for kidnapping, but then letting them off the hook... Yeah that does not ring true. Also the FBI picking up somebody for not registering as a sex offender. When does the FBI get involved in that? How about NEVER. That is handled at the local level. She manages to earn a GED in record time but has only a rudimentary understanding of math. Really? She teaches herself to ride a bike in a matter of minutes, then despite not understanding even the most basic aspects of modern life she rides off into traffic. Her family bought her the cheapest bus ticket for her trip to Wisconsin, even though they seems to be solidly middle class. Very strange. There are enough inconsistencies to make me wonder about the veracity of many of her details. I suspect she has embellished a bit.
  
  It's worth mentioning her parents were not actually Amish... They were a familial cult that just embraced some aspects of Amish life. My guess is both her parents suffered from schizophrenia, but that's just a guess. And certainly the abuse she suffered when living with the Amish was abhorrent, but hardly surprising. The Amish, like all religions, fall somewhere on the cult spectrum... But probably more extreme than generally acknowledged by the public because of their seemingly pious outward behavior. I think perhaps a more interesting angle to the story would have been to draw some parallels between the Amish and other more "high profile" cults. The story is heartbreaking though. In the hands of a better skilled writer this could have been a really good read.
  
  In general, this was an adequate time waster while I wait for holds on better books from the library... It feels like the author is still working through a lot of emotional issues, and this book might be a bit of axe grinding. So read this at your own risk I suppose.
• 
  Toni Marie

  Truly amazing story! Everyone should read this story and learn from the author, Misty Griffin.
  
  This book is educational, moving, and mostly inspirational. This is a novel every person should be required to read before being a teacher, a police office, a government employee that works with people. This books will open your eyes to the cults of the world and make people realize that an individual's image is not what a person really is, but what the want you to see.
  The live that Misty and her sister had to endure is heartbreaking to say the least! And the fact that no one would help or believe her after the fact is a travesty. Shame on those people.
  Upon learning that the training and lifestyles of the Amish are based on a man's needs and wants, will not only open your eyes to see that they are cults. They don't even follow the words of the bible, but authoritatively "Hush" those that question anything.
  The sadness, pain, and abusive doings of people in our world will be the end of man and women kind, our innocent suffer, and many go without punishment or justice. Not everyone can be a good person, but those people that are good, can try and help. And I believe this is what Misty Griffin was trying to convey to her readers!
  I pray that there was justice in this case.
• 
  Maggie

  This is a self-published book, which became apparent after only a few chapters. I verified that and then read with great skepticism because with self-publication there is no fact checker. I don't totally disbelieve the verbal and physical abuse, but I don't fully believe it either. Memory is too fluid and easily changed by things which occurred before or after the event, but suddenly seem in one's memory of have happened on the same day. I'm not Amish nor ever lived near an Amish group, but I have read several things about the Amish and many of her memories of Amish life don't seem correct to what I have read. I would not recommend that anyone read this book without a healthy dose of skepticism.
• 
  Audrey

  Oh it was awful, awful, awful what Misty had to endure as a child and words cannot describe how it sickened and angered it made me. I could hardly put the book down as I waited impatiently to find how she ever got out of he ordeal. Instead it seemed to go from bad to worse. First she and her sister, along with a mentally handicapped aunt and a grandmother with dementia, were horribly abused by her mother and step-father. Then has teenagers the girls were sent to live in an Amish community. Their parents had made them dress and act like Amish most of their lives. Things were just as evil over there as the harsh religion covered up all the atrocities the people were capable of doing. They made it look so peaceful on the outside that when Misty finally went to the police they had a hard time believing her. It made me so angry that the Amish were more concerned about their stupid rules then about protecting the victims of horrible crimes. I was so proud that Misty stood up for what she believed and refused to back down even if got her in serious trouble. I am so pleased that she was able to expose the truth and is now pursuing her dreams. I was very impressed with her faith in God and marveled that she could live her convictions despite so much opposition. She is an inspiration and I pray that she will continue to allow God to use her to be a blessing to others.