The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Reviews

• 
  Val ⚓️ Shameless Handmaiden ⚓️

  If you follow my reviews/blog at all, you probably already know that I am already a zero fucks given kind of gal when it comes to, well, bullshit.
  
  In fact, my best friend had the below picture as my contact photo in his phone for years.
  
  
  
  So it should come as no surprise that I, like many, was drawn to this book, 1) Because it has the word "fuck" in the title. Duh. And, 2) Because it's bright fucking orange.
  
  That said, the chum was in the water for me already based on that alone.
  
  But when I got to this:
  
  
  
  I knew this book and I would be friends.
  
  I am SO anti-participation trophy it's ridiculous.
  And, no, I don't care if that offends all the middle class helicopter moms and their special snowflakes.
  Your kid needs to learn how to lose.
  That's how character is built, my friends.
  
  And that's pretty much one of the major points in this book actually.
  That and, simply put, prioritizing where you put your emotional energy aka your fucks.
  Stuff I have a solid a handle on already.
  
  But, full transparency, I read this out of curiosity and with a slim to none expectation of there being anything life changing to take away from it.
  
  Don't get me wrong, color me surprised, I thought this book made a lot of solid points.
  Some really good, well articulated ones actually.
  
  I definitely do think this book has something to offer.
  For example, it reminded me that I need to stop hoping my sister and I form a BFF Sweet Valley High-esque sister friendship and accept the fact that we are 35+ fucking years old and it's just not gonna happen.
  And that's okay. She only texts me when she wants or needs something and, while we love and respect each other - we just aren't all THAT.
  
  And that's okay.
  
  As I said, it made good points - none of which the author attempted to claim creating - he just wrote it down in an easy, witty, sometimes offensive and conversational fashion with examples of his own life and personal epiphanies.
  
  It did get a little ridiculous sometimes with how much he referred to his former "bangs all the ladies" behavior.
  We get it, you are a walking dream machine. *eye roll*
  It also contradicted itself a bit in some areas, though nothing detrimental in my eyes.
  
  He also definitely walked a fine line when discussing certain issues as they pertain to women.
  Feminists and just some women in general will NOT appreciate this book.
  
  Not gonna lie though, right or wrong, this book definitely appealed to my snarky, crass kind of humor, reminding me once again that I apparently have the personality and sense of humor of a dude.
  
  But whatevers.
  
  That's not a fuck I care to give, apparently.
• 
  Clumsy Storyteller

  Masterpiece, incredibly funny. i don't usally go for self help books cause to me they are all the same! Smile more, love more, hate less, don't give up, it's gonna be okay, it's all in your head. Blah blah blah.... but this one was the exception. Anything with curse words on the cover picks my interest :P The first half of it was my favorite, the aim of this book is to help the reader to think a little bit more clearly about what they’re choosing to find important in life and what they’re choosing to find unimportant.
  
  These are few of my favrite quotes in this book:
  
  The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
  
  
  Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing.
  Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be the best, better than the rest. Be smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. Be perfect and amazing and crap out twelve-karat-gold nuggets before breakfast each morning while kissing your selfie-ready spouse and two and a half kids goodbye. Then fly your helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where you spend your days doing incredibly meaningful work that’s likely to save the planet one day.
  
  Ironically, this fixation on the positive—on what’s better, what’s superior—only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be. After all, no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she’s happy. She just is.
  
  
  Everyone and their TV commercial wants you to believe that the key to a good life is a nicer job, or a more rugged car, or a prettier girlfriend, or a hot tub with an inflatable pool for the kids. The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more—buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. Give a fuck about a new TV. Give a fuck about having a better vacation than your coworkers. Give a fuck about buying that new lawn ornament. Give a fuck about having the right kind of selfie stick.
  
  The Feedback Loop from Hell
  
  There’s an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?
• 
  Jo (The Book Geek)

  Has anybody been unfortunate enough to be sitting in a pub/restaurant, enjoying the ambience and possibly a meal, and out of nowhere, a rather drunk individual parks himself beside you, grinning profusely, and then just doesn't stop talking about his life, your life and everything HE thinks that you should be doing, but without any solid proof to back himself up? I have, and this book by Mark Manson made me feel like I was back in that pub, but with an even dodgier individual attempting to give me life lessons.
  
  Seeing this book for the first time, I'll admit, I was pretty revved up about reading it. I mean, lets be honest, a bright orange cover with "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck" boldly plastered on it, you can hardly miss it.
  The book began with an introduction, which made me feel like this was was going to be a truly life changing read. Well, from the words "Chapter one" it all took a swift nose dive.
  
  Manson began the first few chapters with a lot of "Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you" kind of attitude. I can take cursing, but this, was kind of tiring. This was like listening to a young person that has just discovered the art of cursing. It sucked.
  
  There were some interesting points, but you need to dig deep to find them. I found that this book had mostly opinions, with a few hidden facts chucked in for good measure. I cannot understand how Romeo and Juliet could be brought into this book, then a couple of pages later, Buddhism, and then many fucks later, he is telling us that HE is amazing, as he has the audacity to inform his wife when she looks shitty, and, best of all, apparently she loves that. I just don't buy it.
  For me, this book is just a preachy retelling of stuff we already know, written by an average male and, I'm still trying to understand what possessed me to spend actual money on this! Absolutely no fucks given.
• 
  Cindy

  There are a lot of points in the first half of the book that I agree with: prioritizing fewer things and the right things; defining the right values and what you are willing to struggle for; being addicted to outrage and victimhood to avoid responsibility and acknowledging mistakes; etc. However, the tone is VERY heavy on this edgy dudebro persona that gets tiring easily, especially in the beginning where the author drops the F bomb every other sentence in order to seem “real” and contrarian. The book would probably be most appealing to straight white men, since there are some parts of advice that would not resonate well with other groups - for example, he talks about the entitlement of victimhood and how that prevents positive change, which is true to a certain extent if we were to look at specific places like twitter, but should not be boasted as blanket statements coming from a white man who admits to coming from a wealthy family. The second half of the book is the weakest, as it starts to dwindle with advice on love and relationships and some of the author’s hokey philosophy on life and death - these parts were too trite for my tastes and felt like he was trying to halfheartedly wrap up the book in a meaningful way now that we were getting to the end. Ultimately, I am settling on 3 stars because there are still some values that I agree with and will take away from this book (and hope other people will too), but not for some of the others, and certainly not with the author’s writing voice.
• 
  libbyscreen

  I'm not actually done yet, but this book is becoming more problematic by the page. In re: false memories and page 128: False memories are absolutely a thing. But when the example you use to illustrate this fact is a 1980's feminist who falsely accused her father of abuse and you follow up with "in the early 1980s and 1990s hundreds of innocent people were wrongly accused of sexual violence under similar circumstances. Many of them went to prison for it" you are being supremely irresponsible. The casual reader who is not familiar with sexual violence and rape and abuse could easily walk away with the impression that survivors of sexual assault often make up their assault. This is utterly, utterly untrue - we know that rape and incest are some of the most under reported and under prosecuted crimes, and that the possibility of not being believed plays a big role in that.
  
  ***
  
  Finally finished. One star. You don't need to read this book.
• 
  Mary Monaghan

  I started out liking this book, I really did. By the time I was halfway in, his smug attitude about things he frankly knows jack shit about were getting on my nerves. He made some excellent points, all of which have been made countless times by other, more competent writers. Read Sartre, Camus, Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, and various Buddhist texts instead. Regurgitating Eastern philosophy and existentialism while swearing a lot only gets you so far. I stopped reading and returned this book.
• 
  Kevin Kelsey

  It's a very surface level look at Stoicism and western Buddhism aimed at dudebros. It has some good things to say, and it's a decent introduction to some great concepts, but it's pretty cringe and misogynistic.
  
  I would suggest
  Why Buddhism is True and
  The Practicing Stoic instead as much better books to read that cover the same ground more in depth, without any of the negatives.
• 
  Lenore

  What a load of self-indulgent, sexist codswallop.
• 
  Amy Joseph

  Have you ever been in a bar and had a know-it-all tell you everything you need to know about life without any evidence to back up what he's saying? That's what this book felt like.
• 
  Cheri

  Definitely written by and for straight, white, entitled males. I have no fucks to give for this book or the author.
• 
  Kenny

  “Giving too many fucks is bad for you.”
  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Mark Manson
  
  
  
  Where to begin?
  
  Well for starters, Mark Manson is a real douche. There has never been a better husband than Mark Manson. Why? He doesn't put up with bullshit. If his wife looks like shit he tells her. He won't tolerate her looking bad no matter how much time she has spent getting ready to go out.
  
  And we must take note of how edgy Manson is. He actually figured out you can remove the word care and replace it with fuck. WOW! How profound! What he really means in the quote above is caring too much is bad for you.
  
  Oh, let's not forget how he loves to give added emphasis to things. When talking about music, it's not enough to reference The Beatles, they are the The GODDAMN Beatles.
  
  What Manson has done here is dust off some older self-help philosophies, replace as many words as possible with FUCK and tried to make it look shiny, new and innovative. It's not.
  
  Manson proudly announces he cuts through the crap! But alas, he does not. What Manson really does is steal some ideas from Buddhism and works hard to make himself look like a wise philosopher, and old soul.
  
  There are only so many things we can care about so we need to figure out which ones really matter ~~ sorry ~~ There are only so many things we can give a fuck about so we need to figure out which ones really matter.
  
  Or how about this gem: "While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience." Wow! While Manson pats himself on the back for this gem, I can't help but think of Emerson, “Its the not the Destination, It's the journey.” Thankfully, Manson brilliantly improves on Emerson and makes himself so much more profound in this generation-defining self-help guide.
  
  Most of Manson's observations make me roll my eyes, or at times, laugh out loud. How did we survive as a society without Mark Manson?
  
  Manson has a new book coming out in May. Maybe I'll read it, but probably not, because honestly, I just don't give a fuck ...
• 
  Pat

  you think you're getting a light, irreverent lifestyle/self-help book, but then it's actually just a few good ideas taken from Buddhism and then mixed in with conservative nonsense about "snowflakes," mixed with some casual misogyny and backdoor bragging. A book only a white straight man with rich parents could write.
• 
  Tharindu Dissanayake

  "This is something called maturity. It's nice; you should try it sometimes."
  
  There weren't any 1 or 2-star rated books on my GR shelves until now. If I find a book is not working out the way I had hoped, I stay away from it, and will not invest any more time. This is the first book to contradict this practice. Based on the hype, I was looking forward to enjoying this book for a very long time. When I finally started, I quickly got the impression that this is not for me. But even with getting do-not-continue warning signs right from the start, I proceeded till the end, hoping something will change my opinion. Well, if I had received any help from this book, that would be with 'not giving a f*ck' about this book, and move on. I even feel like I'm being generous giving 2-stars instead of one, but that's only for the interesting example stories author presented (only the stories, not the author's opinions) and for the obvious difficulties of life that we all already know.
  
  "Rejections that were painful in the moment have actually worked out for the best."
  "If you're able to not give a f*ck about the pain, you become unstoppable."
  
  Starting from the first chapter, I had the vague feeling that I had dived into a Gladwell 'self-help' book. The obvious (and simple) truths about life and circumstances are presented in a very amusing manner, sandwiched between what I felt to be inexperienced conjecture of the author. True, there were a few good parts, and I would even categorized them as helpful, but it felt those truths had been taken out of context to suit to the author's own views. Initially, I had the impression, may be the book is moving along the lines of the art of letting go, but that also stopped very quickly. According to the author, there's a line separating what's worth or not giving attention to, and our principles are only valid based on which side of the line we're at. Even the almost annoying number of 'f*cks' diminished after a few chapters, to proceed along what felt like a very long rant.
  
  "Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what's truly f*ckworthy."
  "Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn't necessarily mean they're the same things."
  
  I'm a Buddhist, and would like to consider myself at least somewhat familiar with Buddhism. As the enlightenment is accepted to be related to letting go of the worldly pleasures according to Buddhism, Manson takes this as an example to justify his opinions. Then, he goes and creates a line, which he thinks is from where the letting-go should be applied to. It's not that the content are false, but everything's completely taken out of the original context, and I'm failing to see how any of this is supposed to be 'helpful'. One could certainly empathize with everything stated here, and agree to most of it, but that's pretty much it: I couldn't find the self-help part (if there was any). If the book's intention was to make one immune (or resistant) to the difficulties the society put in one's way (as the name implies), at least for me, it failed spectacularly. After the first few chapters, it often felt like the author contradicting himself with what followed.
  
  "Happiness is not a solvable equation. Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature."
  "The greatest truths in life are usually the most unpleasant to hear."
  
  Just like with a Gladwell book, I think one should read this book carefully, especially if the reader is new to self-help/ philosophy genres. If you're already familiar with some good/ logical philosophy books, chances are, you'll take everything in this with a grain of salt, and only extract what's helpful. However, when a non-fiction book gets this much popularity, this could even become the very first self-help book one reads. And that's a dangerous thing, to start along with a system that accepts 'expecting the negative to happen to be a positive thing'. As the experiences/ examples presented are clear, and very easy to relate to, it's easy to get completely lost in a philosophy like this. I still decided to share some (obvious) wisdom quotes, but I hope you won't be tempted to read this one because of them. On the contrary, I'm only reviewing this one to warn any future readers, especially if you're new to self-help or non-fiction books.
  
  "People who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves from their mistakes."
• 
  Erin

  I don't read self-help. I simply don't believe in the self-help genre. If you need a book to help you live your life you have bigger problems than whatever brought you to that book. That may seem harsh but its just my opinion and you are free to ignore it.
  
  Since I don't read self-help, you may be asking "Erin, Why did you read this book?
  Blame Popsugar. I'm doing the Popsugar 2017 Reading challenge and needed to read a book from a genre I don't usually read. As you can see if you look at my book shelf I pretty much read every genre. So I narrowed it down to 3 genres: Self-help, Christian, or Amish Romance. I picked Self-help.
  
  Mark Manson is proof that anyone can get a book deal. I understand that he has a very popular blog and publishing is about money but God this book is bad. I found myself speed reading it just so it would end. Mark Manson is shallow, smug, and completely uninformed about everything that he was trying to talk about. You know what I don't give a fuck about? This book. DON'T READ IT. AVOID AT ALL COST!
  
  Popsugar 2017 Reading Challenge: Bestseller from a Genre I Don't Normally Read.
• 
  Jen

  Based on the title, I was pretty stoked for this, and the introductory essay explaining the author's Not Giving a F*ck theory made a lot of sense to me and made me really happy. Essentially, he says that the internet and the media demand that we give a f*ck about everything, but we only have so much time on Earth and so many f*cks to give and we have to choose who and what we spend those f*cks on.
  
  Makes sense.
  
  Unfortunately, the rest of the book turns into the same self-help drivel you see in any other "how to be happy" kind of book, only Manson starts to present the information with a tone reminiscent of an Andrew Dice Clay routine. No bueno. I ended up having to bail.
• 
  هدى يحيى

  In a Way, He Has a Point!
  
  أولا
  لا يمكن أبدا تصنيف هذا الكتاب على أنه تنمية بشرية
  على الأقل لا يندرج تحت النمط التقليدي لهذا النوع من الكتب
  وهذه هي أول نقطة تحسب له
  
  ثانيا
  الكتاب محكم ويقدم أفكاره بوضوح
  دون مط أو تطويل
  وهي أفكار ستجد بينها على الأقل فكرة واحدة إن طبقتها قد تتحسن حياتك بصورة ملحوظة
  
  ثالثا
  قد لا أتفق مع كل ما جاء بالكتاب ولكن هذا لا يمنعني من احترامه
  بل وأجده يستحق شهرته
  وهو لن يكون مضيعة لوقت قارئه
  هذا ما أنا متأكدة منه
  
  رابعا
  إذا كنت في حالة شفقة على الذات فقد يكون هذا الكتاب بمثابة صفعة قوية على وجهك
  فاحذر
  
  لكنك تحتاجه إن تمتعت بما يكفي من الموضوعية وانفتاح الذهن
  صدقني .. أنت تحتاجه ولكن كالعلاج النفسي
  تحتاج للاعتراف بمشكلتك تلك أولا
  
• 
  Anne

  My, my! What a catchy title!
  
  
  
  I wanted to see what all the hype was about, so I picked this up. And now that I'm done? Well, I agree with everything Manson says, but (like other reviewers have mentioned) everything he's written about is common sense stuff.
  Is that revolutionary?
  Maybe.
  What does it say about our society in general that any of what he's saying is...well, remotely necessary to say!?
  When the basic premise of a bestseller is that you should stop comparing yourself to what you see on television, movies, and social media, and just be content to be the best version of yourself - and scads of people find this to be awe-inspiring?
  Then perhaps it really did need to be said.
  
  
  
  The gist of this "groundbreaking" book is that there's no way to insulate yourself from bad times, and even if you could, those hardships are what make us better people. One of the biggest problems we seem to have is this nonsensical idea that chasing happiness is a worthwhile goal. I mean, it sounds great on paper, but it's not in any way, shape, or form realisitc...or healthy.
  Life will not give you a happy ending. Period. Endings are always sad. And we need to get over this ridiculous idea that at some point we'll get to sigh a big sigh of relief because our fairytale Happily Ever After has arrived.
  
  
  
  We can all save ourselves the trouble of trying to find happiness by just realizing that we need to choose to be happy now. Enjoy the small stuff, my friends, because tomorrow might just suck a giant dick.
  Your life will be good until it isn't. You'll be in love until you aren't. Your job will be fulfilling until you lose it. You'll be alive until you're dead.
  And nothing you do will change that.
  
  Ok, granted, that doesn't sound awesome.
  But the point is, if you stop trying to live for some future Happiness High, prioritize what means the most to you now, and live with a fearless attitude towards the future? Then you're going to be much more content (and yes, happy) than someone who is constantly trying to measure up to unrealistic goals they've set in order achieve a sense of fulfillment.
  The end.
  
  The book itself is fairly short and Manson's voice isn't terribly annoying.
  Read it or not. I don't give a fuck.
• 
  فايز غازي Fayez Ghazi

  - بعض الألم في العيون + الأرق دفعاني لسماع هذا الكتاب قبل النوم في الأمس. كان الإختيار بالصدفة. والنتيجة ممتازة، فقد غفوت قبل انتهائه ☺ لكنني عدت واكملته صباحاً.
  
  - انا لا اقتنع بكتب التحفيز الشخصي والبحث عن السعادة والإيجابية في الحياة والى ما هنالك من عناوين فضفاضة، لأن الإنسان هو تجربة بحد ذاته، وكل تجربة تختلف عن الأخرى، وما يناسب انسان لا يناسب انسانا آخراً.
  
  - فكرة تقبل الفشل فكرة وجودية، لأن شعور الفشل يحطم الناس ويحولهم الى ضعفاء او جبناء في مواجهة الحياة..
  
  - معظم ما جاء في الكتاب سيكتسبه الإنسان بالتجربة الشخصية، وما النجاح الا مجموعة تراكمات لتجارب فاشلة.
  
  - العالم غرق في المادية، والكثير من الأولويات هي كماليات بالفعل لكن التطور صيرها اولوية. ووسائل الاعلام فعلت فعلها كذلك. العالم غير متصالح مع نفسه لذلك يغرق في الفشل والكآبة.
  
  - القصص كانت جميلة في الكتاب خصوصا قصة بوكوفوفسكي وشعاره (لا تحاول)، اما الإستنتاجات فلم تكن اكتشافات بل نتائج طبيعية. ولعل الجزء الثاني بأكمله اختصره أبي العلاء ببيت شعر واحد:" تعب كلها الحياة فما اعجب براغب في ازدياد"
  
  - زدت اقتناعا ان هذا النوع من الكتب من غير فائدة كبيرة لمن لهم تجربة فاعلة في الحياة. لكنه ممتع الى حد ما.
• 
  Nat

  I went into this admittedly with quite some skepticism and entitlement— “what is this going to teach me that I don’t already know?”— but The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is truly one of the most ground-shaping nonfiction books I’ve read so far. It will and can change a perspective, a life. And as such, this is the perfect book to give to your loved ones on holidays, birthdays...
  
  It made me rethink all the times I ever gave a fuck over some of the most irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me realize that it’s sometimes necessary to take a step back and re-evaluate why I think so-and-so on a daily basis.
  
  I also wrote down a lot of Mark Manson’s writing into my notes because I knew I would need it in the near future. And I would like to thank him for answering quite a lot of fears of mine with such a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth.
  
  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was both personally relevant and entertaining.
  
  Here are a few pieces that helped me and then some:
  
  “The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”
  
  “Because when you give too many fucks—when you give a fuck about everyone and everything—you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. You will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a betrayal. You will be confined to your own petty, skull-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant motion yet arriving nowhere”
  
  YES! This is exactly how I feel when I give too many fucks about things that have little lasting impact on my life.
  
  “Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark,” the panda told me. He sipped his drink and adjusted the little pink umbrella. “The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.”
  A moment passed, and then I wondered where the fuck the talking panda came from. And while we’re at it, who made these margaritas?
  “Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”
  
  Disappointment Panda was one of the best additions to this book.
  
  “Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.
  This is not about willpower or grit. This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.” This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.
  See: it’s a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’m afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.”
  
  This book is slowly but surely shifting my world.
  
  “If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.”
  
  “Honesty is a good value because it’s something you have complete control over, it reflects reality, and it benefits others (even if it’s sometimes unpleasant). Popularity, on the other hand, is a bad value. If that’s your value, and if your metric is being the most popular guy/girl at the dance party, much of what happens will be out of your control: you don’t know who else will be at the event, and you probably won’t know who half those people are. Second, the value/metric isn’t based on reality: you may feel popular or unpopular, when in fact you have no fucking clue what anybody else really thinks about you. (Side Note: As a rule, people who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.)”
  
  That side note is speaking the truth!!!
  
  “I’m not saying that this excused what my ex did—not at all. But recognizing my mistakes helped me to realize that I perhaps hadn’t been the innocent victim I’d believed myself to be. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard way that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, it’s likely you are too, you just don’t realize it.”
  
  Taking responsibly for your actions, but not blaming yourself was one of the most valuable lessons I got from Mark Manson.
  
  “A lot of people might hear all of this and then say something like, “Okay, but how? I get that my values suck and that I avoid responsibility for all of my problems and that I’m an entitled little shit who thinks the world should revolve around me and every inconvenience I experience—but how do I change?”
  And to this I say, in my best Yoda impersonation: “Do, or do not; there is no ‘how.’ ”
  You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a fuck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else.
  It really is that simple. It’s just not easy.
  It’s not easy because you’re going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. You’re going to be nervous. You’re going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your father in the process. These are all side effects of changing your values, of changing the fucks you’re giving. But they are inevitable.
  It’s simple but really, really hard.”
  
  “Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and then to even less wrong than that, and so on. We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.”
  
  He’s changing my world right now.
  
  “We all have values for ourselves. We protect these values. We try to live up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if we don’t mean to, that’s how our brain is wired. As noted before, we’re unfairly biased toward what we already know, what we believe to be certain. If I believe I’m a nice guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.
  In this way, “knowing yourself” or “finding yourself” can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
  I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.”
  
  I didn't even realize I felt this way until I saw it so clearly on paper.
  
  “There’s a kind of self-absorption that comes with fear based on an irrational certainty. When you assume that your plane is the one that’s going to crash, or that your project idea is the stupid one everyone is going to laugh at, or that you’re the one everyone is going to choose to mock or ignore, you’re implicitly telling yourself, “I’m the exception; I’m unlike everybody else; I’m different and special.”
  This is narcissism, pure and simple. You feel as though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your problems have some unique math to them that doesn’t obey the laws of the physical universe.
  My recommendation: don’t be special; don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself not as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator.”
  
  That thing about the plane is 100% me!! So I get it know: if you think you’re special—decide not to be.
  
  “The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement. Entitled people, because they feel as though they deserve to feel great all the time, avoid rejecting anything because doing so might make them or someone else feel bad. And because they refuse to reject anything, they live a valueless, pleasure-driven, and self-absorbed life. All they give a fuck about is sustaining the high a little bit longer, to avoid the inevitable failures of their life, to pretend the suffering away.”
  
  “If you make a sacrifice for someone you care about, it needs to be because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you fear the consequences of not doing so. If your partner is going to make a sacrifice for you, it needs to because he or she genuinely wants to, not because you’ve manipulated the sacrifice through anger or guilt. Acts of love are valid only if they’re performed without conditions or expectations.”
  
  
  Damn, I wasn’t prepared for The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck to completely change my worldview in such a meaningful way. I will cherish this book for a long time to come.
  
  4.5/5 stars
  
  *Note: I'm an Amazon Affiliate. If you're interested in buying The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, just click on the image below to go through my link. I'll make a small commission!*
  
  
  
  
  This review and more can be found on my blog.
• 
  Alyssa Rubin

  Whenever a young white dude claims to hold some kind of universal truth, he's usually just talking about himself. And when he's not talking about himself or his sexual exploits, he's mansplaining Eastern philosophy and reminding us that the key to happiness is the acceptance of our own death, which is the only thing I'm thinking about after finishing this book.
• 
  Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨ Campbell

  
  
  
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  Psychological snake oil for the pseudo intellectual.
  
  
  
  Man, reading this book was so frustrating, because I'd heard so many good things. Some people told me that this book was life-changing, game-changing, and then one of my co-workers gave it to me and I thought, "Cool, bring it on. I'm ready to hand out fuck-wafers like it's time for the Sunday Communion of Nobody-Gives-A-Damn." After reading this book, I've come to the conclusion that the people who like this book haven't taken any psychology classes or read any philosophy books, because this is like the watered-down, urban legend- and common sense-based rehashing of basic tenets you would learn in Phi or Psych 101.
  
  
  
  
  
  Mark Manson seems to me like a dudebro, tossing around the word "fuck" like a preteen who's just discovered swearing. But only for the first couple chapters. Then he forgets himself to his navel-gazing, talking about how we should change our values in life and how emotions only affect us insofar as we let them. Which is true, to an extent, but then he brings up how someone who had lost their son prematurely got mad at him on his blog, and Manson gets so upset about it that he feels the need to whine about his experience here, bragging to us about how he decided not to have the last word. But isn't that what you're doing here? You are giving a fuck, and you are immortalizing that fuck you gave in print, while telling us simultaneously that you did not give it. Hmm, sketchy.
  
  
  
  He also talks about his trip to Russia and praises the Russians for not sugar-coating and telling it like it is, the takeaway being that he admired them for saying "That's stupid," when someone says something stupid. Then he brags about how he likes to tell his wife when she doesn't look good, and how much she appreciates this gaslighting, and how few men would dare to do this amazing thing that he is doing (telling her she looks like shit, according to him). She gets angry, he says, but ultimately she appreciates his honesty. Yeah, I fucking bet. This was straight out of those gross pick-up artist books that teach generations of young males how to neg women to win sex points. #NotAllMen
  
  
  
  Manson had a couple good points, but they were buried in a lot of garbage. For example, in a chapter about relationships, he opens up with the synopsis of Romeo and Juliet as a cautionary example, but then he also tries to namedrop actual science like Philip Zimbardo's Stanford Prison Experiments, and then also namedrops the Buddha when talking about suffering and the inevitability of pain and strife. I am a psychology major who worked in a research laboratory as an undergraduate and I like hard science with data and solid case examples. When I see an article that looks fishy, I look up the facts to determine whether or not it is true. I read scholarly articles. I don't fuck with bullshit. I would rather give a fuck than fuck with bullshit, if you get me. This book did not have facts. It had a lot of opinions masquerading with facts, but honestly, if I want someone to preach dime-store philosophy at me, I'll go to a bar in downtown San Francisco and listen to the vodka fume revelations of CFOs.
  
  
  
  2 fucks given
• 
  Lyn

  A lot of necessary to hear hard truths.
  
  There is a distinction between what the title implies and what Manson intends. Manson is essentially inviting us to only care about what’s important and let the rest take care of itself.
  
  I’ve been accused of indifference or “living in a bubble” for years because I don’t follow politics and rarely watch the news. My mantra is the serenity prayer:
  
  God grant me the serenity
  to accept the things I cannot change; 
  courage to change the things I can; 
  and wisdom to know the difference.
  
  My Muslim friends will sometimes say “Inshallah” which literally translates into “if Allah wills it” or “If God wills it”. When I first heard this, I mistakenly thought it was akin to “screw it” or “I don’t care” but I think this is more similar to the serenity prayer and also what Manson is talking about.
  
  I learned years ago that I cannot help or fix everything and to even try is unfair to me, the people I most care about and ultimately the people I am trying to help also. Spread yourself too thin, care too much, give a f*** about stuff that is beyond your reach, and you’re setting yourself up for failure.
  
  Manson steers clear of religion for the most part (he does reference Buddhism a few times) and most of his self-help is philosophical in nature. He also provides plenty of illuminating anecdotes to illustrate his perspicacious observations. This also made me consider Aaron James’ 2012 book
  Assholes: A Theory as Manson spends a fair amount of time describing the actions and motivations of those among us who feel entitled.
  
  A fun and insightful book.
  
  ** 2018 - Great book to think back on and its simple truths. I do give a f***, but I can't fix everything and I accept that. Ultimately its about boundaries and priorities.
  
  
• 
  Federico DN

  It's not about not giving a f*ck about anything, it's about giving a f*ck about the things that matter most. In essence, the question is, should I really give a f*ck?
  
  This is sort of an anti-hero self-help book, something you should read (or hear) if you feel the world weighing up a little bit too much. It just unburdens you of some stuff. No real groundbreaking philosophy, just a couple of useful hints and insights on how to take things more lightly, when taking them seriously is hurting you.
  
  Chapters 1 and 2 were pure magic. The kind of magic that wouldn't be too bad to hear once or twice a year. If not for the hints, for the laughs. There are also some interesting comments on chapter 8, and some anecdotes here and there. The rest of the book was kind of meh. Funny meh, sure, but typical self-help textbook lines that tires a bit, if not a lot.
  
  Couldn't be happier to have chosen audio rather than ebook. Cursing can seem very aggressive when reading it on text, but hearing it through the voice of the narrator it became so much easier, and funnier.
  
  Tips: Don't take it too seriously, develop a tolerance to hear the word f*ck once too many often, and just enjoy the ride.
  
  -----------------------------------------------
  PERSONAL NOTE:
  [2016] [212p] [Inspirational] [Conditional Recommendable]
  -----------------------------------------------
  
  No es sobre que nada te importe un c*rajo. Es sobre que te importe un c*rajo sólo las cosas importantes. En esencia, la pregunta es, debería realmente importame un c*rajo?
  
  Este es como el anti-heroe de los libros de autoayuda. Algo que uno debería leer (o escuchar) si empezás a sentír que el mundo te pesa mucho sobre los hombros. Sólo te libera de algunas cosas. No tiene ninguna filosofía innovadora, sólo un par de consejos y observaciones sobre cómo tomar las cosas más ligeramente, cuando tomártelas en serio te hace daño.
  
  Los capítulos 1 y 2 fueron pura magia. Ese tipo de magia que no viene mal escucharla una o dos veces al año. Sino por los consejos, por las risas. Tiene también algunos comentarios interesantes en el capítulo 8, y alguna que otra anéctoda aquí y allá. El resto del libro es medio meh, meh gracioso sí, pero típica retórica de autoayuda que cansa un poco, sino mucho.
  
  No podría estar más feliz de haberlo escuchado en vez de leerlo. Las puteadas pueden sonar muy agresivas cuando uno las lee en texto, pero escucharlas a través de la voz del narrador hace que sea mucho más ameno, y gracioso.
  
  Consejos: No tomarlo muy en serio, desarrollar una tolerancia a escuchar puteadas algo más que seguido, y sólo disfrutar el viaje.
  
  -----------------------------------------------
  NOTA PERSONAL:
  [2016] [212p] [Inspiracional] [Recomendable Condicional]
  -----------------------------------------------
  
• 
  Trevor

  My sister asked me to get her this and I’ve read it as well. It is basically the Buddha and Sartre giving advice by saying fuck every other word. Not a terrible thing, in itself, but a bit like seeing a play where all the actors are naked, the swearing loses its impact after about the third fuck, and then you’re just left with the advice.
  
  I don’t normally read self-help books – the problem I have with them is the first word, more than the second. We generally all need some sort of help, but that rarely is helped much by any notion of ‘self’. Ultimately, this guy says much the same thing, which rather surprised me, but shouldn’t have – I’ve already mentioned Buddhism, which has a particularly low opinion of selfhood. But we are so obsessed with being individuals in our society that he probably didn’t feel he could just come out and say from the start – well, get over yourself, fuck face.
  
  His advice is basically that you only have so many fucks you can give in life – but life tries to structure itself so that we are in a near perpetual state of outrage. And that way heart attacks lie. His advice isn’t to stop caring, that would be impossible, but to try to decide what you are going to care about and, well, do something about that. In some ways this isn’t too different from something I read by Byung-Chul Han recently – that outrage never changed the world, only rage can. So, pick what you are going to be enraged about and skip the outrage.
  
  This isn’t a terrible book, in fact, most of the advice is quite reasonable. All the same, I feel most of the problems we face as humans are to do with the fact we are social animals and our lives are becoming increasingly insular – not least due to various forms of technology – and this is making us feel pretty awful about ourselves. We need to find ways to rebuild communities and meaningful human interactions. And we’ve known this for ages – have a quick read of Durkheim’s Suicide and his explanation of why Catholics and Jews have lower rates of suicide than Protestants. Our obsession with being individuals is literally killing us.
  
  The fact this guy bases much of his advice on psychology, to me anyway, is part of the problem – I figure it involves him looking intently down the wrong end of the telescope – but all the same, this is a quick and easy read and parts of it are amusing.
  
• 
  ✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)

  
  
  💀 DNF at 29%
  
  By the end of chapter 1, I was OD'ing on the word fuck.
  
  
  
  Unbelievably improbable as it sounds, my best friend
  Kara Gillian has nothing on this guy here. And that, my Little Barnacles, is saying a whole bloody fucking lot.
  
  By the end of chapter 2, I'd had it with Mark Manson's smug, narcissistic, sanctimonious, clichéd-to-death-and-back, infantilizing, everyone-but-me-is-a-fucking complete-dumbass, self-indulgent, shamelessly-repackaged-Eastern-philsophy-for-nitwits rubbish hogwash drivel poppycock balderdash gibberish sorry I ran out of polite synonyms CRAP.
  
  
  
  By the end of chapter 3, I didn't give a bloody stinking fuck anymore. Yay! Mission accomplished and stuff!
  
  
  
  
  P.S. I'm so joyfully, blissfully happy I DNFed the fuck fish out of this one before getting to the sexist bullshit. Hadn't I displayed such amazing powers of prescience and precognition and stuff, the murderous crustaceans would have no doubt been slightly unleashed on a certain person who, come to think of it, probably would not have given half a quarter of a fuck about it, because he is so wonderfully detached like that.
  
  Oh, and by the way:
  
  
  
  You're welcome.
• 
  Valeriu Gherghel

  Cum, Doamne, să fie „un ghid revoluționar”, cînd e vorba de fapt de o supă reîncălzită? Ca să fii fericit, crede Manson, se cuvine:
  
  - Să-ți pese cu adevărat doar de chestiile importante; le poți număra pe degetele unei singure mîini. Dar cum deosebești chestiile importante de cele neimportante, dai cu banul?
  - Să nu-ți pese de ce gîndesc alții despre tine, să nu te enervezi la cap :). Nervii, invidia, ura nu duc la fericire. Cred și eu. Oricum, Nietzsche a spus-o mult mai bine, acum o sută și ceva de ani: „Smulge din tine buruiana resentimentului!”.
  - Să-ți alegi un scop în viață, dar să știi că nu împlinirea scopului, ci drumul pînă la el te face fericit. Dacă ai realizat ceva și te oprești (ca să-ți serbezi succesul), fericirea te părăsește cu grăbire.
  - Să nu-ți faci probleme pentru evenimentele care se petrec oricum, indiferent că vrei sau nu vrei. Nu poți controla totul. Unele lucruri (cele mai multe) nu sînt în puterea ta, altele (foarte puține) sînt. De pildă, modul de a judeca lucrurile care nu sînt în puterea ta. Sigur, Epictet și Seneca au spus asta cu mult timp în urmă, dar nu strică s-o repeți. Repetitio mater studiorum est...
  - Să nu-ți dorești o experiență pozitivă (mai mult sex, să spunem), pentru că vei încerca, în realitate, o experiență negativă. Dar dacă accepți o experiență negativă, poți trăi una pozitivă.
  - Ferește-te de plăceri: sînt nocive! Antihedonismul lui Mark Manson e mai vechi decît Seneca.
  - Nu fugi de suferințe! Viața înseamnă să-ți asumi suferința. Suferința face parte din viață. Cît trăiești, suferi, dar dacă suferi, asta înseamnă foarte precis că ești încă viu :)
  
  Mă opresc aici. Cartea e o sumă înfiorătoare de banalități. Prefer să-i recitesc pe stoici...
• 
  Christy

  4 stars!
  
  
  
  
  
  This book wasn't only about giving no fucks, it was about giving fucks about only the important things. If you're going to read it, I would recommend the audio book. I thought the narration was great and it was highly entertaining and made me laugh out loud more than once!!
• 
  Ahmed

  الكتاب لطيف لمن يبالي، وأنا لا أبالي خالص والله
• 
  myra

  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: About This Book!