| Title | : | Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Charm, Befriend, and Defend (Book 1) (Conversation Tactics for Better Relationships) |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | - |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Kindle Edition |
| Number of Pages | : | 86 |
| Publication | : | First published September 18, 2015 |
Sounds like you need to learn as many Conversation Tactics as possible! In this book you’ll learn 18 powerful techniques that can be used for everything under the sun – charming people, befriending strangers, increased charisma, and even arguing effectively.
It can be the start of something beautiful, or it can potentially ruin your day. These 18 techniques , learned from years of coaching social skills and conversations , will ensure better conversations and fewer arguments.
In addition to incredibly shrewd and nuanced insights to make conversation flow, you’ll learn how win arguments and diffuse dirty tricks.
•How standup comedians use conversational high points for great reactions.
•What the two-second rule is and how it makes you appear incredibly attentive.
•How interrupting artfully can be your secret weapon to bonding.
•The singular best way to warm up for any conversation , anywhere.
•The foolproof method of rehearsing only your hellos and goodbyes .
•The 2:1 ratio and why math even matters in successful conversations.
•The logic of not laughing at your own jokes .
•The 5 most common argument tactics and how to neuter them.
•How to deflect any ridicule .
Here’s what this book isn’t : advice that isn’t helpful and doesn’t work, like “fake it ‘til you make it” and “just be yourself.” Real, practical advice for everyday conversations.
•Always know how to defend yourself and come out on top.
•Pinpoint what people are looking for in their connections.
•Never fall for people’s dirty argument tricks.
•Gain people's respect and never be a doormat again.
•Find the carpool lane to people’s inner circle, quickly.
•Turn enemies into friends, and friends into confidantes.
•Always know what to say, and never fall prey to awkward silences.
Implement these 18 techniques and see your charisma skyrocket.
P.S. You’ll be able to notice a difference within 24 hours.
Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Charm, Befriend, and Defend (Book 1) (Conversation Tactics for Better Relationships) Reviews
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Conversation Tactics
I breezed through an e-book yesterday called “Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Charm, Befriend and Defend” by Patrick King. This was one of those books that kindle floats by me all the time under the ‘you might be interested’ category. It was for the low, low price of $3.99 so I figured I’d take a chance.
Who doesn’t want to be an adroit conversationalist? As a partial introvert I find interacting socially with strangers exhausting. I’ve gotten better at it, but I can always use some help. I thought those of you who have the same social challenges might like to hear about it.
This book is short and very tactical. It is written in the current e-book prose style that is quick and breezy. It’s not going to win any Pulitzer awards but it has some good reminders. It’s an easy read, with a checklist type format.
Here are some takeaways.
1. Know how to take a compliment. I know it took me years to learn how to take a compliment. The correct answer when you receive a compliment is ‘thank you’. Don’t try to self-deprecate your way out of the compliment. The pro level tactic is to reverse the compliment.
For example: “You look like you’ve lost some weight!” The incorrect way to accept the compliment is to argue and self-deprecate. “No I’ve actually gained 4 pounds.” Or “Yes, but I’m such a fat cow anyway you hardly notice!” Wrong.
The correct way is to thank and reverse. “Thank you, you always say the nicest things.”
Even if you’re not sure whether it’s a compliment or not you can respond with a thank you and reverse. It will work. It’s a pleasant experience for both of you.
2. Look for and use conversational high points. When there is a particular topic that you resonate well on make note of it. This way you can call back to this point of common enthusiasm later in the conversation.
3. Contrary to popular belief it’s ok to interrupt as long as you are adding to or confirming what they are saying. This may be as simple as nodding or saying “You’re so right!”
Just don’t interrupt to take over. This signals that you weren’t really listening. You were just waiting for a chance to talk.
One great way I’ve discovered to keep the conversation going is to ask questions. Not just clarifying questions but deeper questions around the topic or story they are telling. Instead of piling on with your own opinion or your own story about that topic ask a great question.
For example: The person is telling about their horse riding session. You might ask “Do you think the horse feels a personal bond with you? Is there some kind of deeper connection?”
4. Make sure people feel respected. I know this to be true. Nothing makes me angrier than when I feel I’m not being respected. Even if you have to fake it, make sure people feel respected. Don’t dismiss them. Don’t order them around. Acknowledge their fears and emotions. Make a connection.
Much of the tactics around making people feel respected is just to be present in the conversation. To listen. To acknowledge. It’s not hard to do but many of us struggle with this because we have so many other things swirling in our brains. Take a deep breath. Be present.
5. One of the great tips I got from this book was ‘the two second rule’. This means waiting two seconds after the person has finished speaking before piling on or responding. It sends the message that you are actually thinking about what the other person said not just waiting for your turn.
Although I love this tactic as an idea, I struggle with how well it would work when there are more than two people. Multi-party conversations hate to have gaps and someone will dive in. If you follow the two second rule in these situations you might not ever get your chance.
6. Speak their language or, as we use to call it, ‘mirroring’. All this means is that you consciously listen to the pacing and vocabulary being used and you match it as much as appropriate.
Traveling I run into different local speech patterns and I’ll have to speed up or slow down my conversation style to match. I’ll slip into the local dialect with pronunciations and vocabulary. You have to be careful that you are being respectful and not parodying the locals.
The same is true with body language. I’m not saying do the creepy mirroring thing. Just be cognizant of what they are doing with their face, hands etc. You may notice something you can work with to make the other person more comfortable.
7. The author suggests warming up for social interactions by some whacky facial and voice gymnastics, similar to how an actor might warm up. I’m not sure about that one. To each his own.
8. The author suggests that you shouldn’t try to memorize and particular parts of your conversation tactics ahead of time. He does recommend having an idea of what your bookends are. These are how you start and how you end a conversation.
I agree that trying to memorize conversational interactions is silly. There are, however stories that you can have in your back pocket that you have practiced and know are interesting. Tip O’neill in his “Speaker of the House” memoir recounted how Boston’s Mayor Curly had told him to memorize a handful of poems and stories that he could always rely on when asked to speak.
9. Asking questions. We all know we should ask questions in a conversation. There is nothing better for building empathy than asking good questions. However you don’t want it to feel like an interrogation. Patrick suggest a 2:1 ratio of questions and personal stories. Ask two good questions, follow up with a story of your own, then ask two more, etc. This builds a nice flow and follows the old ‘two ears, one mouth’ maxim.
10. There is a very useful chapter on how to take punches. This is where people are giving you digs, whether as good natured or semi-good natured attacks. The tactical jujitsu is to co-opt the joke. For instance if someone says something like, “And I’d like to thank Joe for making the rest of us look good…” Joe takes over the joke and might say “You’re very welcome, I make it my personal mission to think about the team!”
Of course if someone is just attacking you or making you feel uncomfortable it’s ok to stop them with a “What did you say?” or “What do you mean by that?”
11. Never laugh first. The author meant for you to make sure you’re not the only one laughing at your jokes. I’ve seen this play out in conversations where a person’s lack of self-confidence leads to following every sentence with a nervous ‘ha ha’. If you do that you’re just letting the other party know you’re not sure of yourself. Listen for that and try to stop doing it.
Summary:
Those are some of the thoughts I had as I was breezing through Patrick’s book. I think my biggest take away is that social situations like anything else have a set of learnable tactics that you can study and deploy.
Through practice you can turn a draining interaction where you are always on high alert and worried about it into a proactive craft. These interactions become a lot more enjoyable and a lot less draining when you can control them and be in the flow. There’s an incredible sense of joy and empowerment when you have an interesting and compelling conversation with another person.
Your homework is to test out one of these tactics this week and see how it feels. -
Коротка книжка, яке містить перелік основних правил(хоч не зі всіма згідний), які можуть бути корисні для правильної побудови спілкування
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Книжка в стилі - просто будь адекватним. Дуже багато розділів в стилі: щоб бути нормальним роби Дію_1 в Ситуації_1 і Дію_2 в Ситуації_2, АЛЕ буває, що в Ситуації_1 треба робити Дію_2, а в Ситуації_2 - Дію_1. Коли таке буває? Ну ти ж будь адекватний, сам прикинь по ситуації. І питається, нащо я читав цей розділ? Є тільки декілька цікавих розділів з конкретними описами технік спілкування чи ведення суперечок і порадами як в них діяти. Єдине, що мене заставило дочитати книжку до кінця - це її невеликий розмір.
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Надто плоско.
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Цікава книга для тих, кому постійно доводиться багато комунікувати. Завдяки їй на певні речі в спілкуванні можна поглянути під зовсім іншим кутом, щось можна відкинути, на ще щось можна вчитися по іншому реагувати, десь вміти розпізнати маніпуляції зі сторони співрозмовника. І все це для того, щоб за допомогою спілкування рухатися до встановлених нами цілей.
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As with most of the books in the genre, it was very informative and useful. It provides plenty of information to chew over and attempt. Nothing mind blowing here, but certainly worth a read especially if you are looking to improve social skills.
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Спочатку мені здав��лося, що це взагалі марна книга, та ближче до кінця все-таки взяла для себе кілька слушних порад.
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This was an interesting read/listen. It raised some interesting approaches, and some to be left on the table. I think I'd take about 40% of the book away as useful.
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I can boldly say if my late brother had read this early in his life he would probably still be with us. It's that good.
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Never laugh first at your own jokes. Tricks to avoid awkward silence. Also trying to make me a manipulator. 3/5 stars - it is a good starting point to improve conversational skills.
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Great points once you get well into the book.
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Eye opener
This book really opened my eyes to a situation I was currently dealing with at work with respect argument tactics that were being used against me.
It is totally worth the purchase and even more more so valuable when read and applied. I definitely recommended! -
Good
Very good. Thought provoking. True. Good read. People argue against me in these ways often. Easily explained. Simplified. Easy to understand. -
A quick read- but a good one. I liked pretty much everything there was to say. here are the mane points. were the following.
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A very easy to read and full of practical advices. Something that can be used as a conversation pocketbook
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понравилась только глава о чтении вслух
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Great, quick refresher when you need perspective or feel stuck in conversations. Also a great eye opener if you take some time to reflect when your own behaviour matches some of the instigators!
