Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel

Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive Reviews

• 
  Dez the Bookworm

  This is the fourth book by this author that I have read. I genuinely find the science based understanding to parenting to top any other parenting advice book I’ve read. I highly recommend every parent read at least “The Whole Brain Child”.
  
  This book is heavily laden with science based information. Neatly dissected into three parts for every chapter: The examples and info, the science based portion (outlined in a gray square for easy identification), and the Digging Deeper section that has references and more works to read if you so choose.
  
  I found this book a titch technical and dry at times, much different than his other three books which were much easier to digest…which is why I took off a star.
  
  This book gives you all the information and tools necessary to understand why you parent the way you do, and how to look within yourself for answers you thought were held within your child’s behavior. The examples were my favorite part as I was able to identify with situations.
  
  There is a difference it wanting to understand your child so you can parent better, and understanding YOURSELF so you can parent better. This book does the later, but also shows how our experiences shape our children’s experiences. It’s changed me for the better.
  
  Highly recommend as a follow up to “The Whole Brain Child”, “No Drama Discipline” and “The Yes Brain”.
• 
  Robin

  How your parents treated you, and how you internalized that, affects how you treat your kids. Hmm, not really a surprising statement there, is it? A lot of psychological mumbo-jumbo thrown about, complete with cross-sections of the brain. At one point in my life (fresh out of college) I would probably have found it fascinating and read each word, but now I just felt thickheaded so I skimmed and tried to pick out the key concepts. I feel like I didn't really need all that theory, I just needed to know what are some things I shouldn't do so I don't fuck up being a parent.
  
  The few examples, like about collaborative talk, were brilliant. Don't invalidate their feelings, but try to talk it out. I also heard on a Radiolab episode that our internal voice when we're thinking is actually based on how our parents talked us through something. So I was pretty interested in this. Like if a child falls down and isn't injured but starts crying, don't say "You weren't hurt. You're a big boy. You shouldn't cry." but instead "Looks like you got surprised when you fell down. Are you hurt?" I wish there had been more anecdotes, so I could get the hang of how to react and talk to children. I think I get the idea, but I could really have used more examples, especially about discipline and setting limits. A summary of the concepts at the end of each chapter would have been helpful (like a For Dummies) book. Because, you know, I'm a dummy. And I doubt a sleep-deprived new parent can clear the mind fog enough to appreciate psychobabble.
  
  My oversimplified summary: Empathize with your child, and describe back a situation to him in they way you think he/she sees it. And don't lie (saying you're fine when actually you're not), because they can pick up on nonverbal signals.
  
  I wish there were workshops based on this where people present a scenario, have parents act, then guide them on what might be a better way to act and what to say.
• 
  Elizabeth

  If you read one book read this one.....
  
  I’m going to read this annually. I will need a top up.
  
  Loved the examples and loved the metaphors.
  
  Have had great results for incorporating the night time narrative stories of my 3 year kid’s day. I also discuss his emotions. I was only discussing his emotions that felt good at night time. Now we discuss all of them and also discuss the body sensations too.
  
  Thank you to the authors of this book. I feel this really help bring more meaning & joy to the relationship with me & my son.
• 
  Erin Henry

  Great book for learning how to connect with your child. Scientifically rigorous with great descriptions of the brain and its functions. At times a little dense but well worth it. Great for anyone who was left wanting by Shepherding a Child's Heart.
• 
  Yuliia Koshyk

  Найглибша книга про батьківство з усіх, які я коли-небудь читала.
  
  Тут нема порад, інструкцій в стилі "що робити, щоб твоя дитина..", це книга про глибоку батьківську відповідальність, роботу над собою, про те, що лежить в основі стосунків з дітьми. Читати місцями складно, ви не проковтнете цю книгу за раз, тут багато відхилень і нейробіологію, психологію, тому читання має бути вдумливе, але — ох, як же воно все відгукується в серці 💔
  
  Книга, в якій центр — батьки. Не способи зробити дитину такою, як вам треба, а шляхи глибшого пізнання себе, що в результаті і стає ключовим інструментом для розуміння дитини.
  
  Тут так багато всього.
  Про те, як досвід минулого, навіть той, що ми не усвідомлюємо — впливає на наші рішення і реакції. Саме тому ми мусимо бути чуйними з нашими дітьми з перших днів життя.
  
  Про те, яким складним, але важливим є емоційне спілкування, як воно ниточкою переплітає життя батьків і дітей у прив'язаність, як формується відчуття безпеки і довіри, чому це важливо
  
  Про те, як ми спілкуємось і що відбувається в мозку під час цього, як нові нейронні зв'язки формують наше "Я"
  
  Надзвичайно глибоко розкрита тема прив'язаності, дитячої, дорослої. Так гарно описано те, що навіть мають травматичні стосунки в минулому, в наших руках зробити життя наших дітей наповненим любов'ю і чуйністю, треба лише працювати з собою, брати на себе відповідальність, усвідомлювати її.
  
  Тема про те, що діти транслюють те, ким ми є, якими ми є, загалом мені дуже цікава, і тут про це розписано ідеально!
  
  Раджу батькам дітей будь-якого віку, для вдумливого читання, ця книга справді може змінити ваші погляди. А завдання та рефлексійні питання наприкінці кожного розділу надихнуть вас зануритись в себе і зрозуміти, як саме ваше "Я" впливає на дітей і що можна зробити зі своїм сприйняттям себе і світу, щоб життя дитини було кращим.
  
  Книга видавництва @svichado.book
  Вважаю її дуже важливою, хоч і не простою❤️
• 
  Jules

  I consider myself very lucky to have been raised in a way that made me feel heard, supported, and valued -- an upbringing that I believe led me to be conscious and conscientious of other people's desires and emotions as an adult. I'm about to become a parent myself, and as a former psych major, I was interested to learn more about the practical side of attachment theory, and how parents who had more difficult childhoods could develop the skills to have secure relationships with their own kids.
  
  For someone who wants to have a more loving and thoughtful relationship with their child, this book offers some tools and dialogues to do so, starting with the parents' own understanding of their personal history. It blends psychological research and neurological science (which the authors break into skippable chunks for the uninterested reader) with questions and exercises that encourage individuals to better know themselves, evaluate their innate responses to their kids and the reasons behind them, before taking the "low road" of highly reactive, insensitive parenting. Cheaper than therapy, I think this book could provide helpful context for an adult who had a childhood that they struggled with, about how to be the parent you always wish you had.
  
  This one might be worth me re-reading when my kid eventually arrives and, you know, learns to speak and stuff.
• 
  Brynn

  This is an amazing book. All about how experiences and loss in our earlier lives affect our parenting, and what we can do about it. I highly recommend! Daniel J. Siegel's other parenting books are amazing also.
• 
  Meredith Moore

  I was assigned this book as a class reading, and unsurprisingly my developmental psychology and neuroscience-loving brain ate it up! Though I don't have children yet myself, this book provided many opportunities for self-reflection re: my own life experiences so far and how personal relationships with my family members have molded me into who I am today. The premise of this book is a hopeful one: although our childhood experiences (whether positive or negative) significantly shapes the way one parents and form parent-child relationships, we are not doomed to repeat our past experiences if we don't want to. Authors Siegel and Hartzell discuss how through taking ownership of your life events through reflection and processing of unresolved issues, you can "enhance the coherence of your life narrative" and improve your relationship with your child. This book reminds the reader that no parent or person is perfect, but also reminds us that our past experiences don't necessarily need to control our future ones. Each chapter is on a different topic (i.e., how we communicate, how we form attachments, how we disconnect and reconnect), so feel free to skip around as you read. I recommend this book to all parents, educators, or anyone looking for advice on processing past life events.
• 
  Kristen McBee

  A lot of the neuroscience went over my head (ooo a pun!), but understanding it isn’t necessary for the benefits of this book. The authors even suggest skipping the science-y bits if that’s what’s right for you.
  
  I gained more understanding about brain development: it happens in the early years and is heavily affected by a child’s environment and how they are being treated by parents and other caregivers. It took some of the shame away for me for flipping my lid on my kids, but old habits die hard (read: wired neurons must be rewired for new ways of doing things), so I have work to do to continue improving. And, much to my dismay, continuous improvement is our life’s work. I will never be perfect at emotional regulation, but neither will anybody else. Losing it less and less often is all we can aim for.
• 
  Stephanie

  A lovely book. As I began reading I felt like there wasn't going to be anything new for me in this book after already reading so many attachment oriented books. However, I learned a lot and uncovered a lot of forgotten childhood history that was playing a role in my frustration and difficult motherhood moments. I feel inspired to keep improving myself and my relationships and growing from the reflections I made because of this book.
• 
  Brett Barnes

  The best book on parenting I’ve ever read. The title may deceive. The “inside” is not the child’s heart but rather the the parents self-awareness. Great book for any parent or soon to be parent.
• 
  Stefanie Unertl

  This book was incredibly helpful for me to identify some "learned" parenting strategies that I had picked up from my own upbringing... some which were simply a norm for that generation, but that we now know how to do better from the science behind what children really need. An invaluable resource to grow as a parent and as a person, as well as to learn how to forgive the mistakes of our own parents that probably learned them from their own parents... and so on.
  
  A positive way to break unhealthy cycles, and just less than ideal cycles, without feeling like you are placing blame on your own loving parents for the way they parented. It was uncomfortable to work through at some points, but SO necessary for growth and to give the best to our children.
  
  
• 
  Stephanie

  This was a great parenting book, but tough because it encourages you to deal with the emotional baggage from your own childhood to help you be a better parent. It’s based in attachment theory, if you’re familiar. I would say that the main idea is, seeking to understand, reflect, and support your child’s emotions helps you to maintain connection as you teach your child. It goes over how our past influences our parenting behaviors, why we sometimes act in habitual ways that we aren’t necessarily proud of, and how to repair connection when mistakes inevitably occur. I definitely identified some things I’ll be working on.
• 
  Kari

  I didn't particularly enjoy reading this book - it's a bit dry, but there's a lot of interesting information, including some new ways of looking at things I hadn't thought of before despite a lot of reading on topics like this. I like how each chapter has a separate section at the end of it digging into the brain science behind the chapter topic, which can be skimmed or skipped on a first read or if you're not interested in the deep dive.
• 
  Sonal Apte

  If you're looking for solid examples of how your parenting is affected by how you were parented, this is a solid place to start. There's detailed scientific explanations of why we do what we do as parents. And while some of it is very dense to read through, overall I thought it was helpful.
  
  Chapter 5 on attachment, chapter 6 on adult attachment, and chapter 7 on keeping to together/falling apart were the most useful for me.
• 
  Rebecca Graber Henderson

  Helpful concepts, although it's probably easier to apply if you already have children. Appreciated how each chapter had a section describing the science of development, which is interesting and more widely applicable
• 
  Bekah Page Turner

  This book explains the science behind the parenting techniques presented in the book: The Whole Brain Child. (By the same authors and a must read for any parent or caregivers of children.) This was not quite as easy of a read as The Whole Brain Child but a very interesting book nonetheless.
• 
  Rebecca

  I wish I read this before my kids were 11 and 13! So much valuable, USABLE information.
• 
  Lauren Clauson

  Recommended reading from my therapist to spark conversations about starting a family with my husband.
• 
  Anne

  Lots of brain science but also super practical steps for evaluating your ability to form healthy emotional attachments with your kids.
• 
  Laurie Summer

  An excellent book to increase parents’ awareness as to how our own childhood issues require conscious attention and reflection, so that we can parent from a more emotionally nurturing place.
• 
  Angélique Hermes

  Interesting (audio)book about parenting. About the patterns of the parents own youth and their effect on raising their own children. Clear examples and ways to enhance the releationship with your children, minimizing the effect of these old patterns.
• 
  Love&Lattes

  I wish I read this book 10 years ago... but better late than never, I guess! The various scenarios that the two doctors discuss are 100% relatable. I like that they give you multiple styles of parenting instead of just one black-and-white way. I recommend this book to all parents!
• 
  Autumn

  This book came highly recommended to me, and I tried my best, but I found it too dense to get into. I wound up getting through chapter two, and have to put this down. The examples, the style it is written in, the length of the chapters- it is more of a clinical style of narration/for professionals than actually for parents. I did make copies of the exercises at the end of each chapter to save for later.