| Title | : | Hung Hounds |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 9781505506 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Paperback |
| Number of Pages | : | 62 |
| Publication | : | First published December 16, 2014 |
Only thing is . . . Glinda, the mermaid queen who has the key to unlock the mystery isn’t letting go of it, unless . . .
Hung Hounds Reviews
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This story will leave you reeling. It's a Technicolor journey through a vortex of crazy, spinning fast enough to make your stomach turn. It's a multi-dimensional adventure. Horny, hungry well-hung hounds have arrived on earth to stake their claim. How to return them to their own dimension? The directions are like a treasure hunt (actually, it is a treasure hunt). Your companions include Dookie the monkey, who is handy with rolling papers, confused Vladimir, the Arabian Camel Sisters, ex-porn star Kickstand, fearless Dawn and Old Man Jockstrap. What could go wrong? Well, you could run into the diminutive Llama Brothers. One of them is now a buzzard hawk. Glinda the mermaid is willing to help out, for a price. Don't let holographic Hulk Hogan or the diapered De'Mon stop you. And watch out for that giant cock-on-ball. BWAAAAAACK!
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Imagine this, if you will, you don’t feel so hot and step into the rest room to take care of business. While you were away, the earth has been plagued by demonic hounds. You probably shouldn't have eaten so many hot wings but it looks like they may have saved your life this time around! So as these hounds are busy eating faces and humping legs (and other things) with their giant doggie parts, you are left stumbling about trying to figure out exactly what the hell happened. Fortunately you soon find a few other misfits and are off on a mission to find a statue and save the world!
This book is most definitely bizarro. I usually have trouble finishing bizarro books because they’re too far out there for me but this one stayed grounded with some fun humor that kept me reading. It was bat shit crazy, kind of gross in parts and a little too heavy on the non-stop action side for my personal taste. There are hounds from another dimension, warty dwarves, a monkey in a wedding dress, mer-people, a man-sized tribble costume and a whole lot more packed in here. There’s no way I can explain the plot and I’m not even going to try. I’ll just say that it’s a very bad idea to wear a tribble costume around a bunch of hung hounds and leave it at that.
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An utterly trippy book, one that leaps from scene to scene like a monkey skipping across tree branches.
Just imagine being stoned in a goooood way. Unconventional? Definitely... Bizarre? Even more definitely.
Ah so...just when you think you're getting the better of this weird story, you're taken somewhere even stranger... Don't get me wrong, guys--it's all good... in many places it's better than good even. It's just fun, fun, fun--totally unpredictable fun.
Hung Hounds moves on at seemingly an endless fast-forward, switching scenes at a scary pace that threatens to pulp the brain with its sheer creativity and profusion of unforgettable characters and images.
I mean, where else in the literary universe could you possibly ever encounter this statement:
“Alright, so here goes,” De’Mon continues. “Kickstand, take out that long rod of yours and stick it in each hole in the three doors before you. In each one, you’ll feel something different brush over your penis. You need to say which one feels like Hulk Hogan is running wild on your dick. Get it?”
'Hulk Hogan running wild on your dick?' That's extra classic, ha ha ha! And I assure you, guys, you've not just read a spoiler.
You've no idea... -
This book’s not the sort of thing I’d usually read, but I’ll try anything once, and boy, does this story rollercoaster along with a fast paced fury of nonsense and sex crazed mayhem that never stops! I’m sure that fans of weird-pulp-porn-gore-bizarro fiction will love this.
Hung Hounds is simply good fun, and it doesn’t try to be anything other than good fun. By just reading the first paragraph, you’ll kind of know what to expect of Armfield’s style: “It was wings night at the local bar up the street. I must have eaten like three baskets of those spicy bitches. It felt like goslings had grown in my ass, and then a sudden gunshot had scared the feathered butt-dwellers and they were all trying to fly out of there at once.”
Within this tale, you’ll find inter-dimensional hounds that are well hung (of course!), mermaids with sagging breasts and fin flaps to conceal their vaginas, a Hulk Hogan hologram, and a pot smoking monkey, so if you like crazy-ass shit, give this novella a go.
3.5 stars. -
You can never truly know what to expect when you pick up a bizarro book. Most of the time, the synopsis only gives you a small glimpse into the world you're about to enter. Hung Hounds is one of those books.
The story is, our would-be hero, Humphrey, wakes up in the bathroom of a bar to find earth has been invaded by the hung hounds. They are monstrous dog-like creatures, with huge penis', from another dimension. From here he teams up with a rag tag group, Dawn the sexy heroine, Kickstand the retired porn star, and a monkey named Dookie, to try and send the hounds back to the dimension they came from. This is just a small sampling of what Hung Hounds is about. Donald Armfield crams in a crazy amount of action and story into this short novella. He writes fast paced scenes and keeps his characters moving from one altercation to another. There's a plethora of odd ball characters that our heroes encounter, some help out reluctantly and some try to stand in the way. Personally, I liked the last act of the book the best. Our group finds themselves put through a series of tests that have some pretty humorous elements to them.
This is a good read for any fans of bizarre stories that are heavy on the funny. Donald has a strong imagination, and I'm looking forward to what he does with it in the future. -
Reading Donald Armfield's HUNG HOUNDS it's askin to getting on a roller coaster just before it crests the first hill, and plummets down to Earth. Except the first hill is the only part of the ride and the story is a fast paced plummet of fun filled screaming the whole way down. The roller coaster is wooden so is rickety and bumpy but that only adds the the charm of the story.
There is something to be said about a story that is nothing but pure fun. To me it seems like Armfield just let it loose on the page without an ounce of planning or preparation. The result is full throttle action from start to finish. There isn't one page of fluff on this quick read.
Expect nothing but a good time from HUNG HOUNDS and you won't be disappointed. I know I wasn't. -
Thanks to Hung Hounds I will never step foot inside a bar ever again. Also, I have an unnatural fear of big dicked canine creatures. I would like to find myself a monkey and name it Dookie, only I will force it to wear a fanny pack with speakers blaring out Green Day’s album of the same name. This was a fun ride with laughs and horror.
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Review of Hung Hounds
By Donald Armfield
This sordid tales starts with a wing eating boozer passed out in alley, someone used his hair for a bathroom. He goes into a bar and it is filled with torsos and bloody limbs and these dogs with giant penises are fornicating and eating everything and everyone. They are some hungry hung hounds. With characters named Humphrey, Kickstand with the big “stand” and fish swimming in a necklace around his neck, Dookie the weed smoking monkey in a bellboy uniform, and Vladimir tied up in a hotel three days. This book takes you into inexplicable vortex after vortex with some sex thrown in and nightmarish scenarios. They end up in the Arabian Desert where one dude turns into a buzzard hawk and does some dastardly deeds. Then the horny Camel sisters come along and party time is on, the book’s a rocking don’t come knocking. Geno gets his leg bitten off by a hung hound, the Camel gals take off their panties to fan him, too keep him cool and to shoo away flies. What would a story be without a Twilight Zone twist and turn in the Hydroclitoris. It ends with a whiff of sexual tension and a journey into another dimension.
This book is well worth reading. Catfish McDaris 8-8-15 -
Dog creatures sit at the bar slurping from their drinks. He went away for just a little while after eating all those wings on wing night. He went to the bathroom and returned to a darkened, altered world.
Eventually, we end up in alternate version of Saudi Arabia where kinky sisters have their way with a wart-infested dwarf character. Men wearing tutus holdup a convenience store disguised by camel hair mustaches.
The hung hounds arrived from an alternate dimensions where the sky turns orange during their endless mating season.
Blurry maps in the shapes of genitals analyzed by an older gent in a jock strap at the village store. Herein lies the direction to the quest for the golden statue.
Hulk Hogan appears in an alternate dimension. The kinky sisters get half-eaten then sewn back together by a monkey. Then there’s gory battle with the hung hounds.
Hung Hounds is goofy but funny and fun. If you like Bradley Sands’ stuff (TV Snorted My Brain, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, etc.), you’ll surely love this one.
Wacky, zany, sex-fueled escapades will keep you laughing or scratching your head. If you want Indiana Jones bizarro, you have found it. -
Did it ever happen to you that you were dreaming, and you knew that, then you woke up in your bed all normal but then creepy things started to happen, and once you noticed something's wrong, you woke up again, hoping that now that multidimensional dream is over? Well this is the feeling you can get from 'Hung Hounds'. Where dimensions actually swap, and everything is literally fucked. And there are mermaids.
I feel like stoner rock and smoking some camel hair. Preferably with Dawn. -
Nick Patnaude author of
First Aide Medicine , Says:"Wacky, zany, sex-fueled escapes will keep you laughing or scratching your head. If you want Indiana Jones bizarro, you have found it." -
Holy purple pimp suit.
That was wacky and unpredictable. I honestly didn't know what was happening for a bit. The characters were crazy mismatched bunch that had my laughing out loud. If you love the bizarre and trippy reads I recommend this. -
Hung Hounds
This book rocks! CONGRATULATIONS! Imaginitive, well written fiction book.I love it on kindle. A great book to read would be a great movie. -
When a story takes the reader from spicy wing night at the local bar, to a bathroom catastrophe, to a room full of dismembered corpses, to a bar full of well-hung monster hounds, to a confrontation with an equally well-hung homeless guy named Kickstand, all in the space of the first two pages, you know you're in for a wild ride. Hung Hounds is a weird, wacky adventure that fully demonstrates Donald Armfield's love for (and knack for) all things Bizarro.
There's so much going on here, all at a frantic pace that barely leaves room for face-palms and belly-laughs, that I wouldn't even dream of trying to summarize the plot. Just know that it involves a clueless hero, a sexy sidekick, a retired porn stud, a crossdressing monkey, a Russian scientist in a ridiculous furry costume, an oversexed mermaid . . . and a Hulk Hogan hologram.
It all adds up to a story that, if I had to make the comparison, is what I imagine would happen if Harold and Kumar slipped into an unlicensed Indiana Jones parody, as directed by David Lynch. It's very odd, and very bizarre, but a ton of guilty fun. Style-wise, it's a bit abrupt and in-your-face, and sometimes the urge to cram in one more crazy detail outpaces the narrative itself, but that's less of a complaint and more of an observation on the whole Bizarro genre. While some of the early sexual innuendo is wasted, he more than makes up for that with a pair of climactic (pun intended) scenes.
For Donald's first novella-length piece of fiction, Hung Hounds is actually quite strong. It's a lot of fun, and firmly establishes him as a Bizarro author to watch.
Originally reviewed at
Beauty in Ruins -
Well let me tell you something brother! Seeing as I had nothing to do I decided to finally read this book as it was sitting on my dresser drawer. I read it in one sitting and...oh dear God I sure didn't know what I was in for. Right off the bat it starts off with the main character on the toilet after having eaten hot wings explaining his current experience..nope I shit you not that's how it starts! Suddenly Humphrey as he is called apparently finds that the bar is blacked out and as he re-enters the bar he sees everyone dead and a dog with a giant penis standing on the counter. I won't get into too many more details but just know that Humphrey meets up with a guy named Kickstand, a smoking monkey, a guy named Vlad, two Arbian nymphos and a fiesty and prepared woman named Dawn as they prepare to find out more about these HungHounds and try to put a stop to them. I'll get the bad out of the way, in the beginning I noticed some simple spelling mistakes and awkward wordings and sentences but for the most part it didn't ruin the flow of the story. Given the content in this story it would be impossible for anything to stop the direction that this book goes in.
I give this book 2 stars alone for the sheer ridiculousness and Hulk Hogan scenes that you just have to read for yourself to fully understand and appreciate. All the characters are quite unique and how they coexist is still leaving me scratching my head but I suppose when the world is being taken over by dogs with giant dicks you'll settle for whatever friends you can. I actually had to stop reading this book after some scenes just so I could sigh, laugh or for the most part gather my thoughts to what I had just read. If you like random sex then look no further as this books got plenty of it. At times I felt the book was a musical only the music parts were replaced by random sex scenes during current situations. There's horny wart midgets, nympho mermaids and even mermen..yes mermen. This book is an apocalyptic other dimension sex infused acid trip of an adventure. As ridiculous and at times uncomfortable as it made me to read I had quite a blast reading it. I recommend this book for anyone who isn't afraid of books that "go there" and have taboo moments out in the open quite frequently and are sometimes in your face. I warn out future readers now if you think you've read some weird shit in the past well...you ain't seen nothing yet! 4 Stars. -
When bizarro fiction is done right it's a true mind bending experience. Imagine for a second taking everything you think you know about writing and throw in a porn star with an enormous schlong, a monkey, some mermaids, and trans dimensional mutts that have huge schlongs. You have a pretty good idea of what you're in for and the kicker is that while you're reading it you never know what to expect. Armfield writes like a kid with ADD and the kid has been handed king sized Pixie Stix. The plot is easy to follow and the beautiful thing about this novel is that it keeps you on your toes. This is a bizarro novel that doesn't just imitate other books, it actually give the genre a much needed kick in the ass.
The plot seems pretty straight forward, but here is where Armfeld shines. He throws so much at you that you can't help but keep reading just to see how it all ends. He never loses sight of where he wants the novel to go and the characters that he has created only add to the bizarre nature of the story. Our narrator it seems is just thrown into this and he has no clue what he's doing, but that's okay because a lot of times none of the others do either. Only Dawn seems to have a clue as to how to save them all and she is the true hero of Hung Hounds.
It's not your typical action adventure novel and that's not a bad thing. If you're a fan of bizarro this is a must read and if you've never read a bizarro novel before this is a good place to start because it's a novel that never ceases to be laugh out loud funny and mind blowing. The book is supposed to be about the Hug Hounds but there's way more to it than that. It's a total blast to read, and I can't wait to see what he comes up with next. -
Pretty good novella. The authors writing style reminds me of my own and that was pretty enjoyable. The story itself was pretty good. There was some humor, which I love to have in my reads. I was going to give it 3.5 stars but mentioning the Hulkster gets it 4. I enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more by this author, as I feel he's going down the right track.
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Firstly, I just want to say I like this cover!
Second, this book is... shall we say strange.
It's action packed and I liked that the writing was blunt and no-nonsense, but it just didn't turn out to be my type of book. I found it a little pointless to be honest and the main character didn't ever seem to do anything.
I can see why some people would find it amusing and if you like sexual humour you'll enjoy this book, but it just didn't mesh with me and I found it more gross than funny. Maybe it's more of a guy thing...?
For more reviews check out my blog at
http://mlsparrow.wix.com/mlsparrow -
Humphrey awakens from a blackout to discover evil hounds from another dimension are killing everyone. He sets out on a quest to recover a golden statue along with some new found friends, so that they can close the door to the other dimension. Again a very bizzare tale, but enjoyable. The only issue I would have is that Humphrey, despite being the main character, doesn't exactly do much but observe. Overall though it was a good read.
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This is bizarre fiction. It's fast paced with little character development. The writing is tight and no frills. It's an interesting tale of inter-dimensional travel and the repercussions. As with most Bizarro fiction, there is adult language and content.
