He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know by Jessica Valenti

He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know Reviews

• 
  Crystal Starr Light

  I think I finally get it. I think I finally understand what it is about Jessica Valenti in
  Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters and "He's a Stud" that bugs me.
  
  You know how you go to a party and maybe your friend came in with this loud, obnoxious person? And in order to spend time with your friend (and being an introvert, you hate parties anyway) you must spend time with this obnoxious person? And you realize that everything about you and your friend's companion is opposite and there is NO WAY unless hell freezes over you will be friends? So you stand around, listening politely while the other person shoots off at the mouth, saying things you agree with, but you find yourself almost immediately inwardly opposing?
  
  Well, that's how Valenti and I are. She's got some great ideas, but the way she writes totally grates on me. Little to no research or references, a too-casual approach, tons of f-bombs and lots of goofy, supposedly funny comments to more serious topics. Some people are going to adore this frank discussion; they are going to learn oodles from it. They are going to love how relaxed and carefree Jessica Valenti is.
  
  But when I open a non-fiction book, I want professionalism. I want to see a big, fat Bibliography with lots of references - weblinks AND books, magazines, periodicals. I want a certain tone in the writing. I don't mind some anger, but I want some attempt at objectivity.
  
  This time around, Valenti tackles the double standard. How guys can be ugly, but women have to be gorgeous. How men want careers, and women want marriage and kids. How guys can have frequent sex, but women are called prostitutes. And Valenti attempts to provide solutions to each one.
  
  If you have been a woman not secluded in the Andes mountains, you are well aware of most of these double standards already. So this book might be more interesting for the research/solution portions. Or, I supposed, the "humor" part.
  
  But here's where I start having problems.
  
  1) There are 50 of these double standards, but in a sense, there are much fewer as several overlap. Two are so intimately tied (18 & 46) that Valenti uses the same quote in both and even slightly references the title of 18 in 46. Not to mention, due to the size of the book, a mere 4 pages tops is given to each double standard and that is with a whole page typically dedicated to a "solution". Honestly, I would rather have Valenti condensed these hypocrisies down into as few as possible (10? 12? 5?) and spent MORE time going into depth on each one.
  
  2) If you are lucky, the double standard will have a weblink in the "Bibliography" (actually just a couple of pages where Valenti tosses the mostly weblinks up, without proper refencing). Otherwise, large portions of the text remain unreferenced. You have to take Valenti's word when she says things like there is a "boy crisis" in colleges. And for a non-fiction book, I shouldn't have to take someone's word; I should be directed to a source that has research backing up the claim. Otherwise, it's no different than me making a Feminism Wiki and linking it to my "Chicken and Men Conspiracy" blog.
  
  3) When Valenti does reference stuff, sometimes it's questionable. For instance, she gives definitions for "pussy whipped" from Urban Dictionary - whose submissions, according to Wikipedia are "regulated by volunteer editors and rated by site visitors". Yeah, that certainly sounds credible! Also, the other part that kinda perturbed me was how frequently Valenti would reference her own work (in which the excerpts were of better professional quality than the book!) or the work of another Feministing blogger. Is there no one else that can provide quotes and references for your work, that you have to resort to using your own or your blog?
  
  4) The solutions are terrible. Not as in "don't do them", as in "not helpful". Most are "Speak out!" or "Tell them to f@#$ off!" Yup, that is certainly going to make you a lot of friends! The worst though was for #44, where at the end of one section, Valenti goes, "I really just wanted to bring up...how much work we have to do." So what IS the solution to the horrible rape laws, the unfair sex laws? The ever popular "speak up"? Support rape groups? I wish: "I don't know, dude. Move?" And THAT'S IT!!! End page! No more! Valenti didn't even bother to toss a repetitive SPEAK UP? I spent more time thinking of solutions to this problem than she did - join a rape crisis center, donate money to rape advocacy groups, support elected officials who will change laws, etc.
  
  5) The titles range from being spot on "He's a Stud, She's a Slut" to being confusing "He's a Hipster, She's a Ho" (I suggested that "Ho" should be "slob") to being downright misleading/incorrect "He's Protected, She's Property". To me, this smarts more of having too many hypocrisies and not enough material to work with.
  
  6) While most of the double standards I agree with, some of them I am unsure about. For instance, the "He's 'Lucky', She's Lolita" is about how teenaged boys having sex with older women is OK, but teenaged girls having sex with older men is squicky. It confuses me mostly because - aren't older women in that case "cougars"? And wouldn't teenaged boys "look bad" for sleeping with "prowling women"? A few of these that I had questioned (such as being approached when dining alone), fellow friends corroborated - too bad Valenti didn't provide more examples, other than her own experience for this. The other one, "He's Hot AND Heady, She's Brainy OR Boobilicious", I somewhat disagree with. How many hot, too-young female doctors do we see on TV? These women are in their mid-twenties; there is no way they would have finished college, residency, etc. at that age and be respected doctors!
  
  7) This one is VERY subjective, but I don't really find the work very funny. Most of the time, Valenti tries to be funny by inserting jokey comments, but I find those sarcastic, obnoxious and derisive. Now, some people like this, and even I can myself, but for whatever reason, Valenti's humor did not jive with me. And then at one point, she tosses in a rather crude (IMO) sexual joke, to prove that women can be "funny", and I didn't find the joke funny at all. (And no, it's not because she's a woman and women can't tell crude sex jokes - if a man had told the same joke, my reaction would have been the EXACT same.)
  
  In my opinion, Valenti's best work was
  The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women. She was professional, well-researched and candid without being abrasive and dumbing down her content. These earlier books seem to be more like long blog posts - so perhaps if that is how you found Valenti, these would really click with your personality.
  
  That said, this book isn't bad, an improvement even over "Full Frontal Feminism" at least in my eyes. A lot of these double standards are one that women everywhere will have experienced. However, I doubt many people who have read anything about feminism will learn anything new from this book - and if you are reading this for the solutions, I can save you time: "Speak out. Tell people who don't like what you do to f@#$ off."
• 
  Jasmine

  Okay, let me start with saying that yes I don't tend to like feminism, but I don't hate this book because it came out of the women studies section. I dislike this book because it reads like it is written for twelve year old and makes the complete wrong argument. On the other hand there don't appear to be any terribly accessible women studies book that make the correct argument, so it can have a second star for at least saying something.
  
  The argument this book should be making (I say should because the fact is that most of the stereotypes actually all play into the same problem, not to mention the annoyance of the repetitive stereotypes with slightly different wording, but I digress) is that women are being harmed by the medicalization of the female body. Yes I know this is a sophisticated and complicated argument that all the idiots out there wouldn't be willing to read a book about, but hey a book about sluts they are totally fucking in (not unlike the book cunt which perhaps I will soon read and also hate, unless I feel the need to be told that I am dealing with my sexuality incorrectly then on the female chauvinist pigs. Valenti also gets props for never saying people should not do something, she just says to understand motives). Now to stop digressions momentarily lets look at some issues and how these should be argued as outcomes of the medicalization of women in addition to some really important shit that valenti appears to have just missed entirely, and all this from someone who isn't a feminist, shocking I know.
  
  First to say a little about medicalization. In medical science woman are thought of as an organ or a man. First women are thought of as something that exists in some relation to men with a purpose in relation to men. This is not actually a problem as long as men are seen as a tool that should be used in relation to women as well. I believe that Robin williams has a joke about a woman asking a man to get his balls done cause she likes them larger. This being I suppose the equivilant of a boob job, which makes it obvious that robin williams is a man but that is irrelevant at the moment. On the other hand we have the female body as the male body. Valenti actually does mention that medical studies have a tendency to be done on men and therefore have problems generalizing to women, she specifically notes heart disease, I am only vaguely aware of the issue in medicine, but I know it is a fundamental issue in psychology as well. This creates a large problem that is hardly addressed in the book: being female=being sick. Now some of her specific issues
  
  Toys: Okay she is really stuck on what toys children play with. And I mean she has a point here. I thought boys toys were way cooler as a kid, and my stepmother told my brother that legos weren't allowed to talk because that isn't how boys play (Yes I remember every embarrassing thing anyone has ever done). On the other hand my brother and my male cousins liked my barbies more than I did, especially melanies mall, apparently playing with credit cards had no effect on me since I still hate going shopping. What I remember about toys from being a kid is stealing the paper from my mom's boyfriends calculator and running it all around the house to be a road for the snake and rat cars. I also remember magnetic marbles but those were fairly gender neutral from my experience.
  On the other hand, if I had grown up mormon and been made to play with dolls would I have been happy? probably not since I made my mom call me zach until I was like 7. It wasn't that I didn't like dolls it was that I found them boring. I mean they don't do anything the cars crash and legos can be built although I was more into sorting them by color and size (yes I was always as ocpd as I am now). Girls toys just never seems to have a productive element to me, perhaps this is why I have never been highly interested in babies. I suppose there is probably some argument about the fact that immortality projects actually belong to women which is kind of cool, but does a five year old girl need to learn to take care of babies or should she be learning to rock climb I mean which is actually more effective?
  What I do have to say for the system is that girls who are raised with feminine toys are socialized into their jobs early in life. You play dress up so you know you have to be pretty (most dress up clothes are also small so you already know you have to be thin at like 7 or 8). You have a fake kitchen which you use to bake for your mom so that you will be able to bake for your future husband. I didn't have one but there are fake vacuums even. I mean really how is that fun? And baby dolls seriously why do they need to cry and piss it is annoying when babies do that, it is more annoying when inanimate objects do it. Basically "girl toys" teach girls what they are suppose to do with their lives, shut up, look pretty and take care of other people (if you don't like the way I act go complain to my mom about the toys I was playing with).
  
  Beauty: This is a big deal. Women have to look a certain way. If you don't look that way there is something wrong with you. Valenti gets this and says something about men thinking having a penis makes you hot enough to fuck any girl on the planet but women have to put a shit ton of effort into getting even some of the ugliest guys to look at them sometimes. Here is the deal men "LOOKS MATTER" if you are a 2 you have no right to date a 10. I mean she might date you for various reasons, I actually have a book on the philosophy of sex that goes into detail about the reasons women fuck men they are not attracted to and the ways that it fucks with women's heads but not here.
  Moving on, not only is it wrong for a woman to not be attractive, but she is sick (valenti leaves out this crucial factor). Women don't have plastic surgery because they are "ugly" because then more men would be doing it than women (sorry guys). Women have plastic surgery because not being hot enough for a man is the same as being defective. Women are expected to be a man's fantasy and they are expected to be able to keep up this fantasy without any holes or they are no longer attractive. I mean when is the last time that a guy was worried about the size of his areolas? Do men even know what those are?
  Let's take the case of shaving legs because I have little experience with plastic surgery. I was once told by a man that a girl can never have any stubble on her legs or she is immediately unattractive. Here is the thing about that, the amount of shaving that it would require to keep that up, I am not sure, but it seems to me that you would somehow have to figure out a way to shave before the hair could actually grow because inorder for a razor to reach it there has to be some sticking out. basically women are being told that we need to trick men into thinking that this hair doesn't actually exist, that we actually have c or d boobs (girls are not getting those for themselves boys).
  If you think of the transgender stereotypes it becomes obvious. The women to men transgenders I meet tend to be relatively quiet and just look like other men, or possible slightly gender ambiguous. Transgender men to women tend to look like jessica rabbit. Men have a strange idea of what women look like and for some reason women are actually willing to attempt to live up to this ideal, which is actually more distressing.
  
  Personality: Okay this is where women are suppose to be like men. Men are all unemotional and stoic and they just don't care. And women are heavily medicated because their emotions are annoying to men... need I say more?
  
  Sex: This is a fun topic. Women are the same as blowup dolls. As I said earlier I have no problem with this as long as men are willing to step up and take their turn to be the same. Lets have a weird double standard that Valenti missed: oral sex. Women are suppose to really really enjoy this, men tolerate it or refuse to do it as a general rule. Exactly what is it about this that women are suppose to be so much more enamored with then men. I mean it can't be that it makes men happy can it, because then men would be just as excited to do it? It must be that women should simply be genetically programed to want to do it. I really don't know where I was going with this I just find the double standard annoying.
  However, lets talk PMS cause that is a giant deal. There are pills to stop PMS. There are birth control pills that spread time between periods and apparently also cause internal organ failure, but hell at least she isn't PMSing. And there are pills to simply relieve the symptoms of PMS when people find them too annoying. This is a problem in both women and men. First ladies stop using PMS as an excuse to be a bitch, just be one when people deserve it. You shouldn't feel like you have to let people walk on you because you are a woman. Men seriously time to stop kicking people out of the city when they bleed from the incorrect orifice, grow up and deal. Women are not men and therefore women's bodies should not be medicated into acting like men's bodies.
  Valenti has a bitch on birth control which I don't know how I feel about. First, because I have no problem telling a guy that a condom goes on a dick so he might as well be carrying one around, and preferably know how to use one (yes I have met men who aren't virgins who don't, I mean women have an excuse, but you have all the tools you need to practice fellas). On the other hand I have also been in weird circumstances where a guy refused to buy condoms cause it was awkward, and didn't want me to buy them because then the clerk would think I wanted to have sex with him (yes this is a whole other issue that valenti touches upon about the idea that women get no say about who gets to say or do anything to them, she actually says that she had a stalker who she is afraid to mention because he will take it as an indication that she is interested in him, This actually makes perfect sense if you have ever had a stalker).
  Valenti's argument about birth control is that women are made responsible for it because they are the ones who get pregnant. There are good and bad things about this if it is true. I don't think a man has any say about what can and cannot be in my uterus(abortion). On the other hand, I think that it is his job to make sure that he isn't invading my body with any substance that I don't want to have around(condoms). So I suppose I am a bit on both ends here.
  There is an entertaining section about how men think boobs belong to them but they actually belong to babies. I just mention it because it is funny.
  
  interaction: Right this is the stalker thing. Also men can say anything they want to women on the street thing, among others. all of which basically label women as property. not okay.
  
  
  
  
• 
  Jenn

  I consider myself a feminist, but I don't think this author and I would be friends. She comes off as brash and hostile...a criticism she would likely use to bolster her argument that there is a double standard with respect to women expressing anger! I understand her anger. I feel her anger. I live with these same 50 double standards every day! I just don't think screaming and cursing about them ultimately work positively to change cultural mores. This is my other major criticism of the book. I was interested in the book because the cover promised "50 solutions" to these double standards. Unfortunately the majority of the author's suggestions for change only include 2 steps. One recognize the double standard. Okay, got that. And, two, make a hell of a lot of noise when you see one. Some chapters don't even get that far. In order to challenge misogynistic laws, Valenti solely suggests, "I don't know, dude. Move?" Now, I get that this particular suggestion is a little tongue-in-cheek, but really, give me some credit and some real solutions.
• 
  Cassandra

  I think this book is a concise and compelling way to distill down the pervasiveness of sexism in our culture. While it's not a hefty intellectual tome on feminist theory or history, it's an accessible and engaging primer on sexism. It's the type of book that's perfect to have a burgeoning feminist read - whether s/he's 15 or 55. It perfectly captures society's double standards and women's need to be aware of what we agree to play into and why we do. It's great book and one I'm seriously thinking of giving to my sister, as she's just beginning to air her own feminist awakening. Highly recommended for anyone - woman or man, old feminist pro or newbie, teen or senior citizen - who wants to learn (or be reminded of) why feminism is still desperately needed and why we still need to fight the good fight on behalf of all women everywhere.
• 
  Alece

  I think the majority of this book was copied and pasted directly from the author's blog, Feministing.com. As a result, the writing is incredibly casual, full of slang and curse words, and sometimes just plain awful. The actual content is mediocre- I think the book would be great for a young person who knows nothing about gender inequality, but for the rest of us it was 200 pages of stating the obvious. My other big complaint about this book is that it relies heavily on current events as proof of double standards. This would be fine if the current events were things someone might actually remember in 5-10 years, or if not particularly memorable, were explained prior to being referenced, but this is not the case. Valenti constantly refers to people and occurrences that I happen to be familiar with from reading feminist blogs, but her dependence on current (but highly fleeting) pop culture (guy-on-guy kissing scene in Talledega Nights, Lindsey Lohan scandals, characters from Veronica Mars, Jessica Simpson's divorce, etc) zaps the book of any lasting power.
• 
  hal

  I am a feminist, and damn proud of it. Lately, I decided to do some more reading about some feminist topics and I decided to start with this book because it seemed pretty short and sweet.
  
  And therein lies the problem with
  He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know. It's too brief If the author had picked a smaller number of topics and went more in-depth, I think this would have been a much better book.
  
  Also, Valenti said this lovely gem on page 128 (that's total sarcasm, if you can't tell. I thought it was horribly offensive):
  
  "If a guy woke up and have been raped by another man after drinking too much, do you have any doubt in your mind that people would believe the victim? Just saying" (128).
  
  As I said in my status update: Rape involving male victims are rarely reported, so fuck you for insinuating that it's so easy for them to just report it. Victim blaming happens regardless of gender, in different ways, but it happens nonetheless.
  
  I also have a small qualm about the title: I would argue since women deal with these double standards every fucking day, I think it's more important that the men who might not necessarily notice are aware of the double standards that favor them. So yeah, I think it should be "everybody" or "every person" instead of "every woman".
  
  Favorite chapters:
  •He's a Politican, She's a Fashion Plate
  •He's angry, She's PMSing
  •He's Tough, She's a Tomboy
  •He's a Bachelor, She's a Spinster
  •He's a Romeo, She's a Stalker
  •He's the Boss, She's a Bitch
  
  Interesting topics that shoulda been expanded on:
  •He's a Stud, She's a Slut
  •He's lucky, She's Lolita
  
  Tl;dr version- There are some chapters that just hit the nail on the head, and then there are some that have potential but could have been expanded on. If Valenti had picked, like, 10 double standards and really analyzed them I think this would have been a much better book.
• 
  John

  Well, it's feminism 101, but it's solid and to the point. Should be passed along to a teenager upon completion.
• 
  Sara ➽ Ink Is My Sword

  3.5 Stars
  
  Interesting, eye-opening, frustrating, empowering.
  
  /someday I will come back to my old nice reviews, for now, you will get the college version/
• 
  Anya

  Pretty standard feminist stuff, or at least, I felt so because I have read Valenti's FFF already. Still awesome, though.
• 
  Pica

  I seem to have become a bit of a Valenti disciple. Not a bad thing, I don't think. I feel like I needed it. For most of my life, the only messages about feminism and about appropriate behaviour for women were the ones mainstream society was telling me, and I wasn't questioning them as much as I should. I heard the same things over and over again, and people would spout statistics, and I would just naively assume that their information was good because I didn't know and I was too busy doing "more important" things. What Valenti's books do is essentially to say, "Hang on a minute. Let's think about this." I don't necessarily agree with everything she says, but so much of what she has to say is forcing me to think about things in ways I never have before. In ways that make so much sense that I'm not sure how I *couldn't* have seen them. This was another great book, especially for teen girls to get them started on a path of questioning and thinking about those double-standards and disconnects in gender perception that we encounter every day. Those seemingly little things that bother us for reasons we can't always seem to articulate. Valenti offers the next generation of women the vocabulary with which to talk about their experiences and begin to effect change.
• 
  Annemarie Donahue

  Okay this should have been a good book. I'm a big huge feminist, this book promises to talk about the hideous double standards we find in our society. Good combination, right? Wrong. This book was childish and immature. It read as though the author was whining about people calling her fat, ugly and slutty all through her childhood so she grew up and wrote a book to make everybody feel really bad about it. That's not the point to feminism. We are supposed to be trying to help young women of TODAY understand the double standard the MEDIA has constructed. And the goal is to get the girls and boys to understand the manipulation, and to stop taking this illusion and putting it into real life.
  
  Silly, silly book. Avoid. Get this other book called the Male Paradox. Much stronger book on the real double standard which is that men are supposed to be strong and protect women but then we get all mad and call them pigs when they behave in that manner. It's a really hard time to be a man... hell it's a hard time to be a human.
• 
  Rucha

  I was given this book as a gift by a friend and really appreciated the thoughtfulness that went behind her present.
  
  I had low expectations of this book based off the title, but I was pleasantly surprised, probably because I didn't go into it thinking it was going to blow my mind or anything. The book should be a quick read for the average person, although it took me months to complete, but that is just because I am a slow reader.
  
  I don't think the title of the book and the following titles of the chapters do any justice to the content of this book. Valenti brings up insightful and complex ideas and discussion that women are all too familiar with by virtue of just being female. This book serves as a good reminder for feminists and Women's Studies grads of the double-standards we have to deal with day in and day out, and also serves as fresh and relatable for those not so versed in gender/women's studies or are totally oblivious to issues of privilege and oppression.
  
  Valenti uses many references to pop culture, reality television, Slate articles, media, and celebrities. She does it in a way that doesn't dilute the meaning and value of the points she makes. Really she pulls together pieces from different places and brings them together in one place.
  
  This book covers topics such as, the stigma behind older women dating younger men, but not vice versa, how we love to hate & judge female celebrities, why Viagra is covered under insurance but the emergency contraception pill isn't, why male activists are revered, but female activists are seen as annoying, why single dads are lauded, but single moms cannot get enough criticism, and how if women are anything less than ladylike & constantly accomodating, then they are seen as rude.
  
  This book does a great job of bringing up many topics and how they intersect.
  
  I will definitely be reading this again and referring to it when I need a reminder of all the crap I put up with, and keeping it as one of my 'feminist bibles.'
  
• 
  Emily

  Jessica Valenti wrote a quick, light read about feminist takes on the double standards women face in American society. It's written the way she blogs: casually, firmly, with a biting sense of humor and indignation. I think that for a particular audience this book is excellent, specifically those who want a feminist primer on the experiences of predominatly white, cisgender, straight women in America.
  
  However, she does have a particular recurring trans* fail: she continually equates having a vagina with being a woman. This is patently untrue, and I expected better from Valenti.
• 
  Cherie

  C- Wow, I could barely finish this. What a disappointment. Valenti relies on cliches, colloquialisms and casual speak to entertain the reader without giving much meat. Skip this book.
• 
  Tia

  Written at an 8 year old level...only eight year-olds generally don't curse like sailors. I like Valenti's earlier book, but this one seems a little too fluffy for my taste.
• 
  Ana Mardoll

  He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know / 9781580052450
  
  I really loved Valenti's "The Purity Myth", and I've been reading Feministing off and on for years, so I was pretty primed to like this book, but now that I've read it I'm not quite sure how to rate it. The material here is good, and each of these double standards are absolutely worth calling out for explanation as to why they are harmful to women (as well as other minorities who may or may not overlap but who nonetheless get hurt by institutionalized misogyny). So from that perspective, this is a wonderful book that calls out genuine problems and gathers them all up for a precise take-down.
  
  On the other hand, though, this is really very "intro" material -- people who have been involved in feminist blogging for an extended length of time may end up being a bit disappointed by the fast-and-furious tone that effectively means that each of the double standards gets a mere four pages dedicated to it. That's probably to be expected in a book that covers as many topics as this, but I was nevertheless a little disappointed.
  
  Little things, too, niggled at me a bit. Valenti does address fat acceptance here, especially in a wonderful piece on why "fat suits" in movies are problematic, but the heading for each chapter (and the cover of the book) contains the silhouette of an hourglass-shaped woman, very femme, with long straight hair and her feet turned in such a way as to suggest high heels or deliberately pointed toes. Very probably, Valenti had minimum input into the cover art and chapter layout, but after seeing 50 repeated silhouettes of an Every Woman who strongly suggests straight-haired, thin, and conventionally attractive, I started feeling like I was getting a bit of a mixed message.
  
  Also here on display is some unfortunate use of ableist words, such as when Valenti uses the words "insane" and "crazy" to refer to things that she considers unfortunate or unfair. On the one hand, who am I to judge, seeing that in 2009 (when this book was written), I didn't even know what ableism was? On the other hand, it's here in a feminist book where some readers may not expect to find it, so I feel bound to mention in it my review as a sort of "content note". I will say that in a 180+ page book, I only counted about a dozen instances of "insane" and/or "crazy", so at least it's kept to a relative minimum.
  
  I think "He's a Stud, She's a Slut" is probably a really great book for a feminism introduction. The topics are absolutely germane, the analysis is quick but largely spot-on, and all of this adds up to be worthwhile for an audience that may not be entirely receptive to something meatier. Every movement needs 101 material, and I think having a strong addition to the Feminism 101 lineup is a very good thing. However, folks who are more deeply versed in feminism may be disappointed with the necessarily shallow handling of some of these topics, and some of the accidental ableism and/or absolutism* may leave advanced readers a little disappointed and looking elsewhere for something more nuanced.
  
  (* Such as when Valenti says that women who take their husband's last name aren't bad feminists but need to define their actions in very specific terms: "But if you do [take a man's last name], be honest about it. Don't say it's because it's tradition or because you don't like your last name. As Amanda noted, just be honest that it's sexist". Personally, I strongly feel that the issues around name-changing are complicated and that feminism is emphatically not about dictating women how to frame their life choices, nor about implying they are dishonest if they use different words to describe those choices.)
  
  ~ Ana Mardoll
• 
  Lynn

  Today’s Non-fiction post is on ‘He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut and 49 other double standards every women should know’ by Jessica Valenti. The intended reader is female but it also male friendly anyone over the age of about 13 can read this; there is some language but not much and it helps the reader hear the author’s voice. The cover is multicolored stripes with a black box in the middle with the title and author information in it. There Be Spoilers Ahead but this is non-fiction so I’m not really worried about it.
  
  From the back of the book- Double standards are nothing new. Women deal with them every day. Consider the following examples:
  • He’s a hipster, She’s a Ho
  • He’s Gay, She’s a Fantasy
  • He’s Angry, She’s PMSing
  • He’s Independent, She’s Pathetic
  • He’s Successful, She’s a Showoff
  • He’s Dating a Younger Woman, She’s a Cougar
  Women are held to a different standard than men. And mostly we just put with it- but we don’t have to. Jessica Valenti offers 50 solutions to 50 of the most pressing double standards that women confront. With sass, humor, and in-your-face facts, she informs and equips women with the tools they need to combat sexist comments, topple ridiculous stereotypes and end the promotion of insidious double standards.
  
  Review- This book is easy to read, has useful information, and does give some advice about how to deal with the fair world we live in. Valenti is very passionate about her topic and it shows. All the solutions were common sense ones but because I have been very lucky and not been in some of those situations I had not thought about them. I know that it is not popular to be a feminist but I am one. Valenti also talks about how unpopular it is to be a feminist. Now Valenti is not saying that men have problems and double standards to deal with too. She does talk about how if a guy is just nice to his girlfriend; he will be given a hard time by others, that he is too ‘soft’ and the like. But the main focus is about women in this broken world of ours. But she does have answers for everything there is some misinformation in it but it only one thing and I think that you should do the research for yourself about all 50 topics she talks about. But the heart of the book is in the right place, that place is making life better for everyone, not just women, because sexism effects everyone.
  
  I give this a solid four stars. I get nothing for my review and I borrowed this book from my local library.
  
• 
  Paul

  Although this book is nearly a decade old, the fact that the issues are evergreen or as yet unresolved makes reading it an insight into contemporary cultural mores, particularly regarding the barely conscious salute that American society continues to make to patriarchy.
  
  This is a very depressing book, but a very necessary one, since the male gender's sense of entitlement is so pervasive that the author's having to call it out again and again shows how little progress has been accomplished in achieving any kind of gender equality in society.
  
  It reminds me of the time a decade or so ago when I bought a copy of Maureen Dowd's book Are Men Necessary? at Costco, and a young male employee of about 20 followed me from the cash registers all the way to the front door telling me the whole concept of the title was terrible, and how could I possibly buy it? The fact that he hadn't read the book himself at the same time he fulminated against it showed to me the unconscious grip of patriarchy. He couldn't even bear the title.
  
  Valenti's book is an attack on the seemingly universal belief among men of their entitlement. Every man in the U.S. should read this book, and the ones who are repelled by the author's attitude should read the book three or four times until they get it. This belief system has been going on for millennia, guys, and it's time to retire it.
  
  The specificity of toxic male behavior toward women detailed in this book is alarming. The fact that most men reading it (I assume) are totally unaware of it is depressing. This is remedial reading for men.
• 
  Erin (bespectacled.bibliophile)

  I was not impressed with this book. I went into it assuming that it would be pointing out all the double standards that exist and how to combat them - which it does - but I felt that on some of the comparisons, Ms. Valenti was making a huge leap.
  Some points that she brings up are quite valid, like women making 75% of what men make and how women pay more for haircuts, etc. But some were ridiculous! For example, there is part where she starts to talk about Statutory Rape laws and how these men are being brought up on ridiculous charges even though sex was consensual. She started off strong in the argument and then somehow turned it around from how these laws need ridiculous amounts of work to how these laws exist to keep girls pure and innocent.
  I feel like if Ms. Valenti have chosen just 20 topics - at most - she could have developed her arguments more and maybe I would have sided with her more. Instead, through weird leaps and not enough proof to support her claims, I was left feeling like this was just a money grab by a woman who has nothing better to do with her time. And from reading her bio and seeing the things she has accomplished, I know this is very much not the case.
  I don't think I would recommend this book to anyone, unless they were looking for something that they could debate until the cows came home.
• 
  Sarah

  The brilliance of this book is that it is witty, concise, and straightforward. Valenti isn't adding anything great to the feminist cannon, but she is making feminism less about theory by making it accessible and applicable to everyday life. This is a great book to get your "I'm not a feminist but..." friend who doesn't read much non fiction and you *know* would never finish Manifesta. It is the kind of book that might not make someone a feminist, but clearly explains sexism.
  
  
  
  Some critiques : There are several points where I wish she had included examples of how these stereotypes hurt women of color or queer women more. It would have made the book more well rounded and accessible. I also wish that she would have gotten more input on her "suggestions" - while they were valuable, I felt like some of them were a bit dull and could have used a more creative lens.
  
  
  
  Overall, a valuable kind of feminist introduction.
• 
  Annamaria

  "There's a reason feminists are often called "too loud" or "rude" - it's a silencing strategy."
  
  There was nothing I've never thought about in this book. Basically what here was summarized is what me and my female friends always end up talking about when hanging out together at the pub or at a sleepover. (we do also binge-watch disney movies and talk about hair dyeing, I swear!)
  Of course in this little book there were various sources and everything was well discussed although it could have been better. I guess, though, that Ms Valenti dealt with these topics in depth in her other works. (She did, the Purity Myth is a little gem!)
  
  Read it, even if you end up disagreeing with the author (Why?!) you'll have time to think about your privileges or, in the case of women, homosexuals and PoC, your pretended ones.
• 
  eRin

  Valenti addresses societal double standards in her second book: He's dating a younger woman, she's a cougar; he's a stud, she's a slut; he's a hero, she's a damsel; he's a romeo, she's a stalker; he's a porn watcher, she's the show. Valenti discusses the hypocritical aspects of these double standards and gives some tips on how to counter them.
  
  Overall, I liked this effort better than Full Frontal Feminism. If I had any advice, it would be to not read the book in one sitting. It's short, so it's easy to do; but it's a little overwhelming and depressing, not to mention repetitive that way. None of the issues she brought up were new to me, but she did present them in a humerous way that was enjoyable.
• 
  Samantha

  This is a great book for female empowerment. I was required to choose a book to read for a college class, and this was the one I chose. I enjoyed reading this, although I became very upset at times. It is amazing to see all the double standards that women face every day. I would definitely reccommend this book to women. But be warned that it will at times make you very angry as you realize what double standards we face every single day. The book is divided into 50 different double standards, with each section only being a few pages long. Great for reading on a lunch break or just whenever you have a few minutes. Also, the topics make for some great conversations with your friends.
• 
  John

  This book pissed me off on so many levels I don't wan't to take the time to discuss them all. Example, whining on about lack of health insurance for women, yet the the author admits to having none, apparently you can only have health insurance if someone else pays for it. She brings up a few things i didn't know but mostly it's rehash, old statistics, same cow different dairy (oh how misogonistic). It's obvious to the author that "Society hates women" blah, blah, blah. Good news is, it's a short read.
  
  
  
• 
  Maya

  I didn't like the language the author uses in the book. There is no need to use foul language to state facts.
• 
  Jennifer Jacobs

  Just started it:)
  Wow,Jessica Valenti is my new #GirlCrush :)
• 
  Amy

  Yeesh! Reading this was a roller coaster of oh! some of these issues have got better! But then I would read another one like street harassment and be like "nope, that shit is still bad".
  
  This book is what I will throw at men instead of going on a crazy rant next time I begin to rage and a man wants me to break down what happened. It's too much! I'm sick of talking about it! When you have no awareness what it's like to always be aware of where you are walking, you just cannot explain your feelings to someone.
  
  Anyway, below is not a review but just some thoughts I wanted to note for myself.
  
  How society has so easily and pervasively made "slut" the one word needed to silence women, especially adolescents. Then as you get older people try to use jokes and porn references and tell you to not be a killjoy for speaking out. Or how you have to "smile, dear" and be the entertainment. Fuck that noise, entertain me headcases!
  
  The beauty and the beast chapter is so true! I have so many guy friends who are "holding out" to date women that DO NOT EXIST! I use to call this "you only catch a fish as good as the bait you use" but I like this better because of the sense of entitlement they have that they deserve a women who is X,Y,Z. Which I realize seems hypocritical, you should expect much from your partner, but not when it's what their waist size is.
  
  Women's bodies as commodities. It shouldn't be "sex sells" cause that's not what you're selling. It's WOMEN'S sex that sells.
  
  I personally still struggle with this one: the valuing of the feminine. My mom is a beautiful crafter/baker/sewer and yet I never saw those as assets or "building" but my dad can build a deck and I was like "holy shit!". But it's the SAME thing! It's a skill that they have had to develop. So now I can build a deck (which I will have to do once) but not hem my own pants (which I have to do like every time I buy a pair). Smart planning Amy, just cause you thought sewing was boring and girly. Ugh! I think a lot of my peers would agree that we've become incapable of being vulnerable in a way that may affect some of our relationships because it's seen as weak and feminine. This is all bullshit and I need to work on it.
  
  And on that topic I have always been angry and ranty - which a) my mom said was unladylike (hulk smash!) and b) really got the blood boiling when I read the "he's angry, she's PMSing" chapter. How many times a day do I live this one!? What is it about my voice that makes you so uncomfortable? Also if you don't want me to call bullshit, stop acting shitty. Period.
  
  Onward to my wish of being able to find a valued place for older women's wisdom. I'm trying to build this in my community, with some success, and I think this is one of the areas that needs to be fueled by women, for women. I am starting to seek out "elders" and keep them at the table and I think it's something the younger gen of women need to do to create this expectation.
  
  Note: need to look into CPP here in Canada to figure out how that affects women on maternity leave or stay at home moms. If we are to bring forth the next generation, we must be-if not compensated for it - then at least not hindered financially in our old age because of it. Set up to impoverish women - paid less, then take time out for kids, then live longer and have to pay for more health costs such as tampons, birth control etc. And she calls it out in her book that women's issues are considered niche and therefore the first to go in political platforms. Even though this should affect 50% of either party's voter base.
  
  The masculinity as so vulnerable it needs protecting ideology and how we can help assist with the change definition. It cannot continue to be the provider of the family role. We in the west live in a society where one income households just cannot exist. Everyone has to make money, upkeep the house and raise the kids. The 1950's are gone, and it's not because of feminism, it's because of economics.
  
  Name change and calling a spade a spade. I changed my name cause he asked me to. There, I said it. That's my first step forward.
• 
  Andrea Vega

  
  https://las6delatarde.wordpress.com/2...
  
  Vale, este libro es más simple. Este libro simplemente lista 50 dobles estándares que las mujeres sufren y los hombres, más bien, aprovechan. El libro es perfecto para entender las diferencias más visibles del sistema occidental en el que vivimos, intento de copia a la sociedad de Estados Unidos. Porque yodo hay que decirlo, y es que algunos estándares dobles de este libro sólo funcionan en una sociedad occidental, mientras que hay otros más universales (aunque no siempre). El libro es simple y entretenido, no tiene por qué leerse secuencialmente, cuando puedes saltar de un capítulo a otro como tú quieras y te acomodes y demuestra lo diferente que son vistas las mujeres de los hombres.
  
  Es una aproximación muy simple (por no decir simplista) al problema de fondo, porque no se mete con otros tipos de opresión que se intersectan casi nunca (por no decir nunca). Este libro sólo te enseña a detectar dobles estándares en cuestión de género, pero no dice nada acerca de otros tipos de opresión. Y es que usualmente estos dobles estándares no son tan fáciles de identificar porque vienen disfrazados de otra cosa. Aquí parece que todas las mujeres sufren de lo mismo, cuando no es cierto, no se puede apreciar una conciencia de clase, no se trata el racismo o la homofobia. Entonces, aunque este libro es bastante esclarecedor para algunas cosas y realmente me ayudó mucho con algunos dobles estándares, si lo leen, los invito a no quedarse sólo con lo que el libro dice, sino seguir leyendo, seguir investigando y seguir aprendiendo.
  
  El libro lo escribió Jessica Valenti, una mujer que se ha dedicado a escribir varios libros que hacen el feminismo más accesible para muchas personas, dejando en claro que no todo tiene por qué ser feminismo académico. Por supuesto, claro, lo recomiendo.
  
  
• 
  Teddy Harp

  Jessica Valenti, you really are the most lovely and wonderful thing I've seen in a long time and I wish there were fifty more people like you. Here's why:
  
  (1)The book looks, at title glance, like a list of fifty depressing facts, but it isn't. She doesn't only tell us about how bad women have it. She talks about how this stuff hurts everybody, including heterosexual cismales.
  
  (2) She gives kudos and praise to heterosexual cismales who are clearly part of the solution or who are trying or who are progressive. Every person who is not affected by a cause but is an ally to it deserves to be recognized. This is often forgotten. Jessica does not forget.
  
  (3) Most important of all, does Ms. Valenti stop at listing the bad things? Hell no! At the end of every section is a page titled "What you can do about it" where she offers advice on how a person can undo the sort of hurtful thinking. In some sections she admits there isn't much she can think of, but Goddamnit, even then she offers something. She tries.
  
  (4) She keeps it light and happy where she can. The topics in this book are downers, so Jessica reminds us to keep our heads up.
  
  She's constructive, helpful, and dedicated to the cause, which is equality for everyone. And unlike lot of people who fight against sexism, she does it without resorting to using hate speech and man-hating slurs. Take note, ye hateful whiners from certain sections of the web- this is why Jessica V is a published author and successful person- she combines righteous anger with fierce love for those who are helping. She tells everyone that they don't have to just lay there and take that nonsense, and she doesn't either. She puts on her coolface and says "come at me, bro!"
• 
  Lesley Scott

  I think I'm not really the target market for this book, being a little longer in the tooth than the author none of the chapters produced any revelation. I can see how younger women would find it interesting and revealing, the conversational style (i'm guessing most of this book was at some point a blog post) was engaging but I can see how it can be found irritating.
  
  I found the lack of academic reference a little annoying, the author quotes newspaper articles and blog posts but never provides original source data (the reference notes at the end if the book are very short) which means that some of the facts and figures just have to be taken on faith. However, there isn't an anecdote here that I can't relate to so whether the numbers are correct the sentiment is certainly true to my experience.
  
  The thing that consistently annoyed me throughout the book was the constant use of slang. Please, it's a vagina you do not need to keep using vajayaya or noo-noo and similarly when talking about breastfeeding in public there is no need to call breasts "your girls" or "titties".
  
  All in all, not an academic reference but I don't think that was the author's intention, this is a pretty good starting point for young people who think that feminism is not necessary in today's society or just wanting a starting point for learning about feminist issues.