The Nerds Guide to Being Confident by Mark Manson

The Nerds Guide to Being Confident Reviews

• 
  Becky

  It's not a good sign when I call it quits in the middle of a 2 hour audiobook that I'm listening to at 2x speed while cleaning the house... In other words, this was background chatter, and it was such annoying bullshit that actually made me delay my next load of laundry just so I could turn it off, "review" it, and put something else on.
  
  This is half "He's Just Not That Into You"/ half "Be The Best You Can Be"/ half pseudo-intellectualism/ three-quarters self-absorbed bullshit/ zero to do with nerddom. I know that the math is wrong there. But believe me, it fits. This "book" goes from telling you to be grateful for what you have, find the things in your life that are good and then be thankful for them, and let people know that you are, because it will be rewarding in its own right and you'll be happier for it, to telling you to be miserable, find all the shit things in the world and make yourself purposely miserable about them so that other people will want to make you feel better, and will try to pick you up and help you out. This book goes from saying "believe in your abilities because they are greater than you give yourself credit for" to "You have abilities, but they require work, so fuck it, be a miserable little bitch and let other people shove confidence down your throat in an effort to make you a functioning human again."
  
  This book doesn't even know what it's trying to be. Seriously, is this book giving "BE MISERABLE" as advice in how to be confident? That's about the time that I gave up on this shit. Though I started furrowing my brow and giving my phone the stink-eye when in the space of 5 minutes the author threw the phrase "I don't/won't tolerate _____" out there 8 dozen times, each time sounding more and more like a self-important asshole.
  
  Short version: You're not confident because you don't stick to your "personal values" and therefore you tolerate bullshit [that he doesn't tolerate, because he's better than you].
  
  Well kudos to you, Mark Manson. You've converted this girl! I took your expert advice and I no longer tolerate bullshit. That's why I stopped listening to your bullshit book.
• 
  Kris Hill

  Super lame. It was all bad dating advice. It was really gendered, it spoke only from a straight male perspective and had nothing to do with being a nerd. It was pretty misogynistic and most of the advice was to hold others up to an unforgiving and insane standard while forgiving bullshit behaviour in yourself. It was free from audible and I still feel like I should call in to return it so that it isn't in my library.
• 
  James

  This was a free download from Audible, and it was barely worth that. It should have been titled "The Nerd's Guide to Being a Selfish, Misogynistic _________." You can fill in the blank with your own expletive; the author has given you plenty to choose from. "Don't make time for anyone who will not make time for you?" That isn't confidence; that's self-absorption. The section where he writes, "Instead of worrying about whether or not you are listening to her, pay attention to how interested she seems to be in your stories." Really? And Audible made this a free gift on Valentine's Day? There was a smattering of useful tidbits in the 2 hour listen, and the last section, where the author poetically imagines everyone on Ipanema Beach wishing they had something that everyone else has, while the figure of Jesus looks down from the mountain and loves all redeemed some of it. But its a little like going through a cow pasture with a metal detector: You may find something of value, but you gotta step through a whole lot of crap to get to it.
• 
  Renee G

  Not a guide. Not for nerds. Not anything useful at all. I tried to give it a fair shake, but the expletives in a self-help book and the male ego-centric focus made it a complete waste of my time.
  ** It was a freebie from Audible. You get what you pay for?
• 
  Ian D

  Άσε μας ρε Μαρκ που έγινες και λάιφ κόουτς! Εμένα πιο πολύ για Αμερικάνος
  Coelho μου κάνεις.
• 
  Tracey

  Oh, thank goodness – this was a free download. I worried about my sanity there for a minute.
  
  Apparently, in Mark Manson’s world, you can only be a “nerd” if you’re male.
  
  Apparently, in Mark Manson’s world, a big part of “confident” means “feeling able to pick up hot girls”.
  
  Apparently, in Mark Manson’s world, giving advice means putting down all the other guides out there, and then proceeding to follow precisely in their footsteps.
  
  To the privileged whiny twenty-something white male who is apparently his target audience, Manson recommends practicing gratitude. I’m worlds away from his target audience, but I’m going to follow his advice right now: I am grateful that I didn’t pay anything for this audiobook, because it’s two months past the time I would have been allowed to return it for a refund.
  
  Gosh. I feel all warm and fuzzy.
• 
  Maureen McLaughlin

  Good think I didn't have to pay for this book. Audible needs to give away better audiobooks. Nothing to be learned here and lots of unnecessary vulgar languate.
• 
  Amanda Hanson

  This has been sitting in my Audible for three years, so I thought I should finally listen to it. And. Um. The title isn't accurate. It should be called "The Insecure White Man's Guide to Being Confident/Arrogant." I didn't find a lot to enjoy. It wasn't funny. It wasn't enlightening. It didn't really take lady nerds into account at all - and I consider myself particularly nerdy, so that didn't sit well. I just wasn't into it. I probably won't read anything else by this author/writer.
• 
  Sbuchler

  Genre: Pop-Psychology
  
  I liked this short piece enough that I turned around and re-listend too it taking notes as if it were a class! Many of the ideas he presents I'd run into before in other psychology books, but Manson presents them in amusing and easy to understand and apply formats, with a very "you can do this" attitude towards improving confidence. Not that I (or he) makes the mistake of thinking it's EASY to apply his methods, it's just straightforward to do so.
  
  The highlights:
  
  1) Stop complaining and be grateful
  2) Limiting beliefs prevent you from even trying, so Manson gives a guide for how to break free of limiting beliefs
  3) Define concrete values and stick to them
  4) In an amusing fit of reverse psychology Manson makes the argument "Be Miserable" which is quite straightforward to reverse
  5) Use the Zen theory of 2 minds (thinking and observing mind) to disassociate from strong negative thoughts and emotions (again, Manson gives a guide for how to do so)
  6) Theory of MetaAwesomeness (you're going to have to read it to grok this, but it's cool)
  7) How to stop lying to yourself using "The Why Game" (think 2-year old constantly asking why, except pointed at your own internal reasoning)
  8) Diversify your identity
  9) EVERYONE envies other people and wishes for what they don't have
• 
  Ryan

  I'm not normally a reader of self-help books, but this one was a freebie from audible. I wouldn't say that it's particularly geared towards "nerds". Really, the author's main audience seems to be young men who want more romance and/or sex in their lives, but have self-esteem issues that confound them when it comes to relationships.
  
  Which, quite frankly, was me in my 20s. Viewed in that light, the advice here is a little crassly written, but wrapped around a solid core of time-tested self-help principles.
  
  Basically:
  Stop making excuses
  Don't be afraid to open up to others about your weaknesses
  Stop judging yourself by other people's values; yours are what matter
  Accept responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes
  Be a diverse person; don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket
  
  The 24-year-old me had growing to do in all these departments, so I can't disagree with the value of such insights, though people who really need to improve their self-confidence might do better with a meatier book on the topic (or, for that matter, with professional therapy). For everyone else, if you don't mind the dudebro presentation, this one's a quick read and might provide a helpful booster shot of tough love.
• 
  Kalyca

  So. I mostly liked this book. The feminist in me says I shouldn't. The laid-back Sagittarian side of me (rising), all raunchy sense of humor and appreciation for direct speech, enjoyed it.
  
  Criticisms: There are plenty of sexist remarks, simplifications born of privilege, and heteronormative assumptions made here. The intended audience seems to be Millennial guys; situations and examples from a female (cis, het, middle-class) perspective are seemingly mentioned only as an aside, as if the author doesn't really believe women will be reading this. It's fair enough to focus on the audience you want to focus on, but maybe make that more apparent in the title or blurb. (As far as I know, women are nerds, too.)
  
  If you can put those aside for the brief amount of time you'll be listening to/reading this book--and don't mind a run of good expletives once on a while, which I don't--there are some funny stories and enlightening bits here. Self-awareness, healthy boundaries, heck even (very basic) Buddhism makes it in.
  
  And now I'm off to go re-read that article about liking problematic things.
• 
  Matthew Turner

  Nothing to do with nerds. Very little to do with building confidence. Wow… someone in Manson’s Certificate of Marketing course should’ve taught him the dangers of making misleading claims.
  
  Here’s a more accurate title: “Recycled Self Help Drivel: Copy Pasted from my Boring Blog”.
• 
  Emma

  I think people are reading too much into the relationship aspect. However, I enjoyed it. I am one of the people who enjoy being single and the idea of NEEDING a relationship to be happy is super annoying. I didn't think they shoved that down my throat reading it. Love it.
• 
  Joy

  Pretty awful. Maybe slightly useful to men in their early 20's if they don't take the dating advice too seriously. Way too much about the author's sex life.
• 
  Iren

  Caution, mild spoilers ahead.
  
  A 2*
  
  “Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.”
  
  This book was by far the earliest of the books I read by Mark Manson. And the first one I didn’t like.
  
  What I liked about both The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and Everything is Fucked, is the snarky way Mark Manson gives his advices, infused with his own experiences and backed up by the statistical data behind. In The Nerd’s Guide to Being Confident, there was less humor to it, the arguments less developed.
  
  The book itself was much shorter. And maybe that is the reason why there was less complexity to it.
  
  The advices that Mark Manson gives are easy to apply to those who feel that they could get easily be swallowed by the modern world. But the tips given are less useful than those that appeared The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and Everything is Fucked.
  
  But one of the most important points and it is mentioned in all Mark Manson’s books is this “You can do this” attitude that never fails and that mark Manson preaches. And I think this is a thing that we forget most of the time. That no matter what others think, no matter what life throws at us, we can do this. We just need a reminder from time to time. Even if it comes in the form of a bad book.
  
  
  
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• 
  Vladimir

  I totally get some of the reviews written here. There are few things to pick up from the book but the rest just seems too random, out of the place and forced. The best part comes at the beginning, somewhere in the middle it gets sidetracked.
• 
  Zooha

  There are some good points in the book, however the book is quite negative written
• 
  Carrie Garlock

  Must have listened on Audible at least a 100 times
• 
  Bailey

  I got this book as a freebie. I was shocked at what was toted as wholesome, thoughtful advice. All of Manson's advice was geared towards young, single males (not a bad thing in and of itself, except females are usually referred to, albeit in a sarcastic manner, as "bitches" and "whores" every time they happen to come up). I felt that his attitude managed to not only be disrespectful towards women, but also pretty dang demoralizing to men.
  
  In addition, he was snide and superior throughout the whole book. He repeatedly relied on meaningless personal anecdotes to support his points(such as his use of glorious personal values in responding to an email). He assumes that you, the reader, will be very curious as to how he handles his personal relationships, what his attitudes are, and how he manages to be so "awesome." His words, not mine.
  
  Not to mention that, other than a brief paragraph or two at the first, he never directly addresses being a nerd, or even being confident. I'm confused.
  
  If I feel this negatively towards a book, I usually don't bother to subject other people to my frustrations in the form of a review, but in this case, I needed to vent!
• 
  Tania

  The author brings to light some valid points about a few things: The "observing mind" vs the "thinking mind" and the concept of a "diversified identity". Those are two take-aways from this book for me. The book speaks to an audience of perhaps a 20 or 30- something year old man. I would have taken the author more seriously had he written the book in a different narrative style, as I found it to be limiting and somewhat annoying. Many of the concepts Manson presents are valid and he presents many of them with references to psychologists and research studies. At times I felt as though the author was "dumbing down" the concepts, which made the author seem condescending. All in all, it was a decent short-read that most people will find some point of interest, just read it knowing the author thinks he is speaking to other men.
• 
  Craig Cote

  Some people might find this more useful than others. I appreciated the plain-spoken approach (including the odd f-bomb here and there) as it made the author seem more honest and real. However, the focus seemed skewed strongly towards confidence with women (as opposed to just confidence) which came across as somewhat shallow. Some of that material caries over to other areas just fine, and some examples show how that is true, but the target audience seemed to be mid-to-late twenties males -- not me.
  
  That said, there is stuff I feel I can take away from this and hopefully internalize. And I will come back to it again in the hope of reinforcing those things. So, having gotten it on special from Audible, it was probably worth the price.