| Title | : | Lying |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | - |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Kindle Edition |
| Number of Pages | : | 47 |
| Publication | : | First published September 1, 2011 |
Lying Reviews
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Lying by Sam Harris is a very short book from a neuroscientist, encouraging readers to always tell the truth, even not to tell white lies.
The author gave an example of a friend asking him if he was fat. He responded by saying, “You should lose 25 pounds.” Then, the author tried to say that it was a happy ending because his friend was deciding whether to go on a diet and has already lost 15 pounds.
However, relationships are far more complicated. If you tell someone “the truth”, they also might take a header off a bridge. There are also some people who tell half-truths. For example, I have seen a couple of people complaining on social media about how they can’t see their grandchildren. However, they never ever talk about what they did to their children that caused the ban to be put in place.
I am one who does pride myself in telling the truth. However, there is also tact, relationships, and timing.
If my friend says, “Hey, does this dress make me look fat?” Instead of giving her a resounding, “Yes!”, I might say, “Well, how do you feel in the dress? Because that’s all that matters. If you have confidence.” I certainly wouldn’t burst out with, “You need to lose 25 pounds.”
Additionally, some people love to “tell the truth” without being asked, and this is really annoying. For example, if you go to a wedding, and the officiant states, “Does anyone object to this union? Speak now or forever hold your peace.” Let’s say you think that the groom is a total slime. You talk to the bride about your concerns, and she still wants to go through with the wedding anyways. She has made her choice. You shouldn’t ruin her wedding, and she won’t thank you if you decide to make an objection.
Now, on the other hand, imagine you are out at a work function. One of your colleagues wears some extremely tight pants. When you go to lunch, one of your other co-workers bursts out, “My gosh! Did you see those pants? There are 10 sizes too small!” You might be thinking, “Thanks for pointing out the obvious.” And also, “Gee….I wonder what you say about me when I am not here.” If you don’t know this colleague with the super tight pants very well, you should probably say nothing. However, if Tight Pants is your bestie, you might say later in private, “Hey, I was at lunch recently, and someone mentioned that your pants looked to be on the tighter side. Do you want me to go with you to The Somerset Collection to pick out some new ones?”
Overall, Lying is an interesting book, great for discussion.
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This book - or booklet, with its couple dozen pages - is an attempt of Sam Harris to describe and justify his personal philosophy of honesty and avoiding lies if at all possible. The author does not shy away from the classical "but what if an axe-murderer asks me about a child hiding in my house" dilemma, and from providing a scathing critique of white lies and lies that spare someone's feelings, and in this, I found the essay interesting. It is well-written, too, interesting, not a word too long - but still, I find it to be a deeply flawed book.
For all of Sam Harris' in-depth discussion of lies and their destructive influence on our daily life (and I completely agree that we tell too many of them), he remains blind to the realities of life of people less affluent (and also white, male, cis, heterosexual) than he is. In the discussion of all those big, life-changing things like "lying to a person about their terminal disease", "murderers looking for a victim" and "lying by omission and therefore aiding an adulterer in hiding his affair", Harris forgets about all the people who are poor (and lie to keep their livelihood in the form of, say, a disliked job), who are discriminated against or persecuted (and this is not a small number in our world), who are not in the comfortable situation where they can choose who to deal with. His is a lovely moral philosophy, but one applicable only to those of us rich and privileged enough to choose who we depend on - and it is this failure of charity, combined with the way he insists his way is good and perfect for all of us (barring spies, supposedly), which spoiled the book for me utterly. -
I liked this essay. I read its majority while at a cafe with my wife, and it stirred very interesting discussions. Even while reading it alone, I remember constantly stopping and thinking about the insightful ideas and examples that Harris demonstrated.
Harris shows how lies, even those (conveniently?) called "white" do more harm than good. He proposes living a life without a single lie, even at the cost of much discomfort. Of course, situations where telling the truth will undoubtedly cause harm (like in case of a murderer looking for a child hiding in your house), lying is justified, though he takes the matter a step further which I presume most people will disagree with.
I agree with most of what Harris says here, even when in situations where I will (sadly) opt for lying, I can't and won't deny that it harms my relationship with the person being lied to. However, he could have talked more (as he usually does) about the underlying causes of lying from an evolutionary or even social point of view, which of course can help in developing better strategies in coping with the urge to lie. -
Cuando vi este libro y leí su sinopsis me llamó mucho la atención y no dudé en comprarlo, pensé que iba a ser una lectura que motivara una reflexión, al menos interesante sino profunda, pero me encontré con un ensayo moralista, con una argumentación bastante débil y poco coherente con la realidad, que atribuye a las mentiras una causalidad que no comparto.
Me explico: el libro está lleno de ejemplos, desde mentiras por omisión hasta aquellas en que hay intención de hacer daño. En uno de ellos, el autor se refiere a una mentira “piadosa” cuando un amigo te pregunta si está gordo y al responderle que no (cuando efectivamente es así), le quitamos el poder de ver “la realidad” y ponerse a hacer una dieta ¿no será atribuirse demasiada importancia en las decisiones de los demás? Otro ejemplo que da el autor, ahora con una mentira que podría considerarse más justificada, es el caso de que uno esté escondiendo en su casa a alguien que huye de un asesino; según él, si le mentimos y negamos que escondemos a su víctima, el asesino se irá y probablemente mate a otra persona ¿nuestra mentira será la responsable de que un asesino mate o no a otra víctima? Creo que no.
Tampoco me gustó el estilo, esa moralidad idílica tan norteamericana, aplicable sólo a aquellos lo suficientemente ricos y privilegiados para elegir de quién dependen, sin pensar en los deposeidos social y económicamente o en las minorías de todo tipo en el resto del mundo y que no siempre lo tienen todo tan fácil. Aclaro que no estoy haciendo una apología a la mentira, ni la justifico per se, pero no todo es tan blanco o negro como el autor quiere hacernos ver, a tal punto de poner otro ejemplo ridículo, como que uno no debiera mentir aunque sean los nazis que están golpeando en la casa donde se esconde Ana Frank.
Reto #48 PopSugar 2018: Una microhistoria -
When is it okay to lie? When is it not? Sam has opinions which he'll gladly tell you. But they seem a bit arbitrary to me.
On top of that, the writing is incredibly dry. I do think the subject could be interesting (especially if approached by an author with a less simplistic but more internally consistent view), but Sam's take didn't do it for me. There's no sense of humor, there's no exploration, there's just simple and dry utterance of what amounts to moralism.
But let's take an example he gives. Someone asks Sam if he is overweight. Sam admits that he knows the guy wants reassurance. Sam tells the guy he needs to lose 25 pounds. And it must be all well and good because the guy then went and lost 15 pounds. (Doesn't everybody need to be thin?)
First off, what was the guy asking Sam? Not with his words, but what was he emotionally requesting from Sam? Reassurance. But Sam doesn't focus on his friend's emotions, but decides instead to use this as a moment to criticize. You're 25 lbs overweight. He got hung up on the actual words and did not answer the real question (will you reassure me?).
Who is being dishonest here? Would it be dishonest to act like you're answering someone's question because you were able to use their words to justify leveling a criticism, regardless of their intention? Would it be dishonest to decide that I am the one person who gets to judge what all my friends should weigh?
Maybe it was as simple-minded and moralistic as Sam made it out to be, but I think the book would've been far more interesting and believable if Sam was more honest about the situation, or if his book was about why he can't be totally honest about it. Or if the book were about exploring the complexities of why this is not a straightforward situation to begin with.
When Sam tries to get out of the situation where his friend is asking if he likes the gift they gave him and weasels out of saying no, didn't he just contradict the shit he wrote before that part? And then it's okay to lie in war.
Meh. He tried to build some kind of ethical argument, but he ended up hiding behind morality. Grey is the new black and white, Sam. Didn't you get the memo?
How about, don't lie to yourself about why you are telling people things? Don't tell yourself you have good intentions when you have bad intentions. That's ethics.
Levinas does this a lot more simply. The Other makes a claim on me which lets me know that he and I are similar and both have rights to our desires. From that realization alone, I know the good. That's ethics.
Anyway, at least the book was short. -
This is less of a book than a long essay, one that is currently available in free downloadable PDF form from Harris' website.
Throughout the piece, Harris makes the argument that there are significant benefits to be gained both personally and societally by rejecting lying in both large and small forms.
Most of us think of ourselves as honest people, yet may still frequently engage in the "white lie," an act of dishonesty designed to spare both ourselves and another discomfort.
Harris offers some compelling reasons why this widely accepted practice is not as harmless as it seems and offers good examples of the damage it can do to trust on multiple levels.
In Harris' mind, rejecting lying is not the same as forfeiting all privacy in one's communication - one can still be honest about one's decision not to disclose certain things. His is a more nuanced position than what I understand of Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty.
Despite its brevity, I found this a thought provoking piece. I can't imagine engaging in some of the more egregious lying examples Harris mentions, yet realized I have my own fuzzy edge when it comes to avoiding awkwardness. Consciously examining the downsides of this behavior has helped me clarify those edges. -
A short and quick read! Interesting book telling straightforwardly why one should not lie. What are the disadvantage of lying, the psychology behind it and what consequences it can land you to.
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A short booklet about lying it'll probably take less than an hour to finish, highly recommended
"Honesty is a gift we can give to others" -
This is a very neat little book about lying. It's not out to flesh out the subject in all its glory, but instead to give you enough information and insight that you can make an informed decision on the subject and feel you know what it's about (and that's in 58 pages, *slow clap*).
It can also work as a bit of an eye opener. We're quite used to lying in our every day life - so much so it becomes habit, we don't even think about it. The great thing about Sam Harris is that he doesn't just tell you to stop it, he tries to tell you how to stop. It's the equivalent of a tiny angel on your should going "you can do it, come on". I guess that makes it a self-help book in a way.
But it's the good kind of self-help book, because not lying will actually improve your life. Truth rocks, guys. So go throw it at people (gently). -
This is a short essay about lying and its implications. The book has many short comings in my opinion and it could have been written much better and I wish it was longer; I wish it could have been developed into a proper book. There are so many things left unexplained and premises unproven, yet the subject is interesting.
The writer basically argues that is is almost always bad to lie, except in very very rare cases that would probably never happen in the course of the lifetime of the average individual. The premise is that lying is consequentially counter productive. The whole argument is based on consequential-ism and the fact that morality is an important factor; yet no argument is provided to support the importance of morality. Although, the the writer never tries to argue about lying from an epistemological stance and also severely criticized the work of Kant on the problem of lying.
It is assumed that we are somehow obligated to share with others the realities of the world! When people ask you to provide them with a perception (your belief or understanding of the world) the simple act of their request of you burdens you to tell the truth and you become responsible for the consequences of their actions based on your perception. These ideas, too, are never discussed in detail and no argument is provided to support them. I'm not convinced how this burden is justified.
I agree with most of what this book has to say, but I feel Sam Harris takes this ideology too far to a point that it cannot be supported; it becomes weak, simplified and terribly impractical. -
Harris' writing here is so clear and elegant that it might be easy for one to mistake his ideas as simple. However, while 'Lying' can be read in a sitting, it can be mulled over for a very long time.
The ideas that linger are of the power of honest speech. Of his lie-related proposals, however, the most compelling is the destructive nature of the white lie; the one we tell out of compassion or embarrassment. I'm equally moved by his portrayal of plain truth-telling as a "source of power and an engine of simplicity" in relationships. He makes no statement without logically supporting it and provides a few examples that will resonate with a pang. (Bonus: the only really correct way to answer the "does this make me look fat" type of question)
I think it's an essential topic at a time when we've acquired so many social personas (masks?) for our complex lives and, unfortunately, a little lying here and there is seeming much less shameful than it once was. -
Despite its pithy title and sparse number of pages, "Lying" packs a wallop! This is perhaps one of the most important books I've ever read and it's clear once reading it that the world would be a sorely better one if everyone followed the precepts written within.
This thin volume has received some criticism of the "oh well, it's just what grandma says and everyone already knows it" variety. Clearly these people didn't take away much from this book, but that likely has more to do with themselves than with the general wisdom contained inside. Sure, I know lying is bad too. I've always known it. And yet throughout my life I've continued to lie and, in many cases, been little troubled at the ease with which I've done so. Now, is that because while I believe lying is truly wrong and has ultimately negative consequences I simply don't care enough to make an effort to stop? Or is it because I have just never understood why lying, in the vast majority of instances according to Harris, does damage not just to the people we tell our lies to but ultimately to ourselves? In my case I can attest it is the latter. Even the seemingly innocuous act of offering someone false encouragement can prove to be harmful, as Harris writes, “False encouragement is a kind of theft: it steals time, energy, and motivation a person could put toward some other purpose.”
I never would have thought, before reading this, that there was any harm in telling the occasional "white lie" or in denying someone the truth in cases in which it was bound to hurt them. Sam Harris has changed my mind and made me completely rethink this. As he writes here, “Research suggests that all forms of lying—including white lies meant to spare the feelings of others—are associated with poorer-quality relationships.”
The simple truth is that while we all know that lying is bad we can't exactly put our finger on why, in seemingly innocuous cases, it is so. Certainly those who have read this book won't have any difficulty in making that case.
Despite the fact that this is a very quick read, Harris does a great job of covering the topic fully. I wouldn't have minded a little more information on the ease with which some people (e.g. politicians) lie while many others just don't have the "knack" for it. Bill Clinton, to name just one politician, was such a great liar in part because he actually convinced himself to believe his own lies.
"Lying" is such an essential read precisely because it tells us that in order to improve our relationships, we have to stop all forms of lying. -
As someone who finds it incredibly difficult and unnatural to lie, and who, as a result, knows full well the pitfalls of being constantly honest, I was curious to read this book. It had very good reviews - but after reading it I wasn't really sure why. It's not a terrible book, but what it says is either blatantly obvious (to me, at any rate), or else not entirely true. While of course there are many kinds of untruth that cause all kinds of problem, the author goes as far as to argue that any kind of untruth is wrong and unhelpful, including white lies, and that telling white lies will inevitably make life more difficult. This simply isn't the case. I think people for whom social lying comes naturally are simply unaware that they do it half the time, so will only notice on the rare occasion when it goes wrong. I was hoping for a book that would explore both sides of lying, and look at social expectations and social understandings, rather than a simplistic 'Lying is always bad - don't do it' argument.
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On the whole, this little novella (long essay) was really fantastic. Sam Harris makes a really strong case for never lying. And I think the case he makes transcends his commitment to utilitarianism (which he doesn't even mention in this essay), and resonates strongly with this virtue ethicist. I have two problems with his prescription.
1) Harris would be committed to the argument that even lying to someone to keep a surprise party you are throwing for them a secret is wrong. Examples along those lines strike me as times where it doesn't make sense to chastise lying.
2) One of his examples uses evasive tactics, which while not technically lying, seems to me to be in exactly the same vain and intent as a white lie would be in the same situation. i.e. - when someone asks you if you like a present they just gave you (a sweater in this case), rather than saying "no", and rather than telling a white lie and saying, "oh, yes, it's wonderful", Harris suggests answering with something like, "I'm really touched you thought of me, but I don't think I can pull this off" This isn't a lie, but it's also not an answer to the question, it's evasive, and I'm not entirely comfortable with using this as a tool to "get out of lying".
Those points aside, the broader conceptual framework that Harris sets up and the kinds of considerations he asks us to think about when contemplating lying, are quite piercing and thought provoking. I was sympathetic to something along the lines of what Sam Harris prescribes before reading this essay, but I have to say, reading it has given me another boost in the direction. -
An intriguing volume, if not entirely convincing. I may post a full review on my website.
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More so food for thought instead of learning something.
This is more like an essay or small script about the philosophies of lying, it's not really a book.
Food for thought:
- Whatever our purpose in telling them, lies can be gross or subtle. Some entail elaborate ruses or forged documents. Others consist merely of euphemisms or tactical silences. But it is in believing one thing while intending to communicate another that every lie is born.
-Ethical transgressions are generally divided into two categories: the bad things we do (acts of commission) and the good things we fail to do (acts of omission). We tend to judge the former far more harshly.
- White lies for when we don't want to hurt other ppl
- False encouragement is a kind of theft: it steals time, energy, and motivation a person could put toward some other purpose.
- When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives — about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world.
- What does it mean to have integrity? It means many things, of course, but one criterion is to avoid behavior that readily leads to shame or remorse. -
This was my first
Sam Harris book and it definitely won't be my last.
Many of the points made in
Lying were not new to me, but it was nice to read and ruminate about those points all together, concentrated.
It got me thinking about the places in my life where I do lie, even though I consider myself a truthful person, and I'll be trying to put his alternative responses into practice. The big one for me is lying to spare other peoples feelings. I've known that this behavior distances me from the other person by making the relationship less real, but what do you do? I'm going to try his approach of skirting the issue with truth. We'll see. Unfortunately, I don't consider thinking on my feet to be a strongsuit of mine. But I do desire the outcome. And I have long known that I'm drawn to people who are brutally honest, while noticing that many people get rubbed the wrong way by their honesty. I prefer the honesty with the uncomfortable moments that accompany it, at least I know where I stand. -
"But what could be wrong with truly “white” lies? First, they are still lies. And in telling them, we incur all the problems of being less than straightforward in our dealings with other people. Sincerity, authenticity, integrity, mutual understanding—these and other sources of moral wealth are destroyed the moment we deliberately misrepresent our beliefs, whether or not our lies are ever discovered."
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Sloppy and philosophically bad quality arguments. Which one would expect from an existentialist philosopher. But not a scientist. Sam Harris fails to abandon intuition and descriptive ethics as a prescriptive. This method of reasoning is what I call lazy argumentation in which one would try to justify (very quickly) their already made decisions.
My ratings:
Flow: 4/5
Style of writing: 5/5
Consistency: 1/5
Content: 2/5 -
A very short treatise, essay actually, on the subject of lying. Mr Harris makes the point that there are really very few occasions where being dishonest can be justified. He's right, of course, but there are certain pitfalls associated with being too honest. Most men have found this out when, from an excess of honesty, they have told the wife that the shorts do, indeed, make her ass look big or told a daughter that the new boyfriend is half a bubble off plumb. In fact, while reading this I couldn't shake a couple of lines from The Fool's Prayer by Edward Rowland Sill:
...The ill-timed truth we might have kept,
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung;
The word we had not sense to say,
Who knows how grandly it had rung...
Harris includes a couple of Appendices: one in which he interviews a former instructor and one in which he responds to questions from readers. Deep philosophical questions like "Is it alright if I lie to my kid about Santa Claus".
It's a quick and interesting read which leaves you wondering just how far you're willing to travel down the road to total honesty. -
"Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship.
By lying, we deny others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make—and in ways we cannot always predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to."
Another brain firmware update in the form of a book, from one of the most talented and important thinkers of our time. In this long-form essay Sam Harris argues that we can radically simplify our lives and improve society by merely telling the truth in situations where others often lie. He focuses on "white" lies—those lies we tell for the purpose of sparing people discomfort—for these are the lies that most often tempt us. And they tend to be the only lies that good people tell while imagining that they are being good in the process. -
Fantastic - should be required reading for everyone, especially because it's so short. This book will make you think twice about telling lies—even the most subtle, well-intentioned white lies. The key things I took away from this book are:
1. "To lie is to recoil from relationship."
2. Lies, even white lies, are indicators of a poor quality relationship.
3. To offer insincere praise is to treat someone like a child when everyone else will judge them as adults. We do them no favors by sparing their feelings (and our discomfort) now, because we are actually setting them up for embarrassment later.
Read this book.
_______________________________
To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communication.
People lie so that others will form beliefs that are not true. The more consequential the beliefs—that is, the more a person’s well-being depends upon a correct understanding of the world—the more consequential the lie.
The intent to communicate honestly is the measure of truthfulness.
Of course, the liar often imagines that he does no harm as long as his lies go undetected. But the one lied to almost never shares this view. The moment we consider our dishonesty from the point of view of those we lie to, we recognize that we would feel betrayed if the roles were reversed.
Research suggests that all forms of lying—including white lies meant to spare the feelings of others—are associated with poorer quality relationships.
Honest people are a refuge: You know they mean what they say; you know they will not say one thing to your face and another behind your back; you know they will tell you when they think you have failed—and for this reason their praise cannot be mistaken for mere flattery.
Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. We can simply be ourselves.
Ethical transgressions are divided into two categories: the bad things we do (acts of commission) and the good things we fail to do (acts of omission). We tend to judge the former more harshly.
White lies—lies we tell for the purpose of sparing others discomfort—most often tempt us. And they tend to be the only lies that good people tell while imagining they are being good in the process.
A white lie is simply a denial of these realities. It is a refusal to offer honest guidance in a storm. Even on so touchy a subject, lying seems a clear failure of friendship. By reassuring your friend about her appearance, you are not helping her to do what you think she should do to get what she wants out of life.
But if we are convinced that a friend has taken a wrong turn in life, it is no sign of friendship to simply smile and wave him onward.
We are often tempted to encourage others with insincere praise. In this we treat them like children—while failing to help them prepare for encounters with those who will judge them like adults. I’m not saying that we need to go out of our way to criticize others. But when asked for our opinion, we do our friends no favors by pretending not to notice flaws in their work, especially when those who are not their friends are bound to notice these same flaws. Saving our friends disappointment and embarrassment is a great kindness. And if we haha history of being honest, our praise and encouragement will actually mean something.
One of the greatest problems for the liar is that he must keep track of his lies. Some people are better at this than others. Psychopaths can assume this burden of mental accounting without any obvious distress. That is no accident: They are psychopaths.
Lies beget other lies. Unlike statements of fact, which require no further work on our part, lies must be continually protected from collisions with reality. When you tell the truth, you have nothing to keep track of. The world itself becomes your memory, and if questions arise, you can always point others back to it. You can even reconsider certain facts and honestly change your views. And you can openly discuss your confusion, conflicts, and doubts with all comers. In this way, a commitment to the truth is naturally purifying of error.
But the liar must remember what he said, and to whom, and must take care to maintain his falsehoods in the future. This can require an extraordinary amount of work—all of which comes at the expense of authentic communication and free attention. The liar must weigh each new disclosure, whatever the source, to see whether it might damage the facade that he has built. And all these stresses accrue, whether or not anyone discovers that he has been lying.
Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship.
By lying, we den others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make—and in ways we cannot even predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to.
How would your relationships change if you resolved never to lie again? What truths might suddenly come into view in your life? What kind of person would you become? And how might you change the people around you? It is worth finding out. -
Lying. Is about what it implies. I love how the author said lying was rejecting the other from accessing the truth. The main problem presented in this book was that lying and telling the truth both have its goods and bad. I believe truth is the right way to go depending on the situation. When lying or telling the truth, we need to imagine the consequences, yet that truth is pure subjectivity or it might not be. If the consequence was pretty definite and negative, then you should probably lie. Yet sometimes that is subjective too, it also depends on who you are and if the situation itself is ethical and worth the risk of lying or not.
The problem of lying is the uncertainty of it. What are the problems it might trigger? What happens when the lie was revealed? The truth however, we might believe that it hurts. Yet sometimes it is something we have to face, we lie to get away from confrontation. Hurtful truths is not something to avoid, but to confront.
Lying or telling the truth are all ethical problems that really depends on the situation. The author has provided many examples of them that is a better way of explaining the problem of lying then what I'm doing right now. Sometimes, you do need to change perspectives. We have this human instinct to lie or tell the truth. Should we use the logical part of us which might not have the correct morals (e.g. criminals, if they are committing a crime, they lie for their own sake that they believe is just), or the emotional part, which might lead to consequences we didn't intend to make?
I can only leave you with questions, because it is ultimately dependent on the situation itself. There's no ultimate guide to answer with a lie and truth for each situation you encounter.
To sum up, the problem of lying or not are depending on the following factors: magnitude of the lie, consequences it entails and situation. Of course, there are more factors that are involved in this kind of decision. By then, we will need to step into both the shoes of a logical man, an emotional man, and a prophet. These people should not be you, they should be this moral standard that society accepts. We tend to make selfish decisions, no matter if our intentions are good or bad. So the next time you choose to tell a lie, you'll have to consider a lot of factors. Don't make rash decisions, take a time to breath and think, and answer that question with a truth or a lie.
I highly recommend this book, it is a quick reading, but it entails many things that we should consider into decisions we make in our daily lives. -
While being no major work it is nonetheless a thoughtprovoking piece of writing. Sam Harris thesis is that lying is by definition unethical and he carefully dissects different situations to show how lying is no alternative to telling the truth.
The small booklet (which I read) also contains a dialogue with Harris old philosophy teacher at Stanford. I found this dialogue to be more informative than the essay by Harris because it provided more reasons to actually believe in Harris arguments. He isn't saying that lying will in every case make a person happier but in general self-deception (as well as lying to others) will not provide a good breeding ground for development as a person. When you are honest in relationships you can handle problems easier and face them together, rather than alone. -
What's the right thing to do? Came to my mind as I finished this short book in a very short span of time. Sam Harris's book Lying is not a philosophical book which tells you the ramifications of lying or speaking the truth but it merely shows the two side of the same coin and ultimately leaves it to the reader on making any decision. It could be thought-provoking for those who are about to take the journey of life in his hand and also for those who are to write an essay on the same topic. I came across this book on YouTube while watching a podcast and hence thought of giving a try after seeing the number of pages. I won't say I am disappointed with not so new things in this book but it has really led me to think before lying or speaking the truth for whatsoever reason that, What's the right thing to do?
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Sam Harris, one of the Four Horsemen of the Non-Apocalypse, one of my favorite people on the planet making a rational case against lying and its consequences. It's a pretty short book, but still packs a powerful punch.
I would recommend this book to anyone because of ethical and selfish reasons, since it concerns about lying and how lying can affect relationships. So, I don't want to lie, and I expect the others not to lie and promote honesty, by not lying and being honest not only helps in being truthful to oneself it also helps strengthen relationships, with credibility and self-improvement.
After all we're all interconnected in this world why don't we stop lying, as sincerity contributes to our well-being, to quote from the book “Lies beget other lies.”. -
Sharp, concise, provocative, insightful.
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This review might be just as long as the book, but, as the kids say, yeet.
Coming to Terms
Lying is a fraught little concept, quite charged in use and bandied about whenever people don't like what they hear. But what is it precisely? Harris's definition, which works for me, is simply that it is an intentional misleading of other people who are expecting honest communication. The keys here are that: A) the liar is intentionally leaving out information or manufacturing it; and, B) the person on the other end is expecting the truth. Unless both of these criteria are met, what is communicated cannot be a lie. For instance, if I am representing reality to the best of my ability (even if I am technically wrong), I am not lying. I am communicating openly and honestly. I simply happen to be incorrect. Likewise, if my interlocutor isn't expecting the truth, no lie is possible; going to a magic show expecting a spectacle or going to a masquerade where everyone is no one, yet they are certainly someone — both are situations in which I am expecting some degree of falsehood. And both circumstances would be made wholly inappropriate by the truth. There are a few gradations in this definition; as Harris points out, wearing make-up isn't a lie, per se, though it is certainly a form of deception. We all know that the purpose of make-up is to cover up our blemishes, and yet we don't fault others for masking the "truth" of their appearance simply because they wear rouge. If this is a lie, then it is a lie that we as a society take as normal and perhaps even desirable. So both of our criteria must be met in order for a true lie to exist.
Harris also distinguishes between "lies of commission" and "lies of omission". Lies of commission, ethically speaking, are bad things that we do whereas lies of omission are simply things that we fail to speak up about. If lies of omission result from us simply choosing to overlook things and not correct them, lies of commission involve the expenditure of energy with the intent to mislead. And I think the moral difference here to be obvious. We do not blame the person that fails to return the $100 dollars that the cashier gave them as much as we blame the person that sets about to actually steal it. Harris, in this book, is mostly focused on lies of commission, in which we are intentionally communicating in a way that misleads others, although there is certainly something to be said about lies of omission and the harm they do to our relationships.
Key Propositions
This book doesn't take an iron-clad position against lying. It is both gradational and situational, but even then there is a basic thrust of argumentation, and it is this: generally speaking it is better to tell the truth than to lie. And it is more an invitation to tell the truth than an exhortation. Ask yourself these questions: What if our lives and our relationships were founded in truth? What if our communication was bound by it, and what if we were totally honest with ourselves and others? What would life be like if we were vulnerable to the truth, and trusted others to engage in our vulnerability? How much could we deepen our friendships?
Of course, there are instances where lying is appropriate (Nazis are at the door, and you have Anne Frank upstairs, to use Harris's example), but, most of the time, our lies are small things, and they are generally to save us from small discomforts. We'd rather not answer our friends and family honestly because we don't want the momentary discomfort of having to cause shame, embarrassment, or self-criticism. We don't like this, and so we avoid it. But what problems are caused by our habitual white lies? Harris sees several problems with a pattern of lying in life:
1) We are hiding our own authenticity, thus obscuring what could be a clear and deep relationship with another person. We never say as we really feel, and thus the other person doesn’t ever truly get to know us. Of course we do not want to openly, callously insult our friends, but we shouldn't seek to infantilize them, either. Not telling them that uncomfortable truth is to treat them like someone undeserving of the truth — or incapable of receiving it. These lies stand between us and the other people in our lives.
2) Lying forces us to keep two ledgers in life: one for truths told, and one for the lies we must remember. "What did I end up telling him that one time? Was it (Lie A) or (Lie B)?" Whatever it was, it was not reality, and therefore you need not only remember what actually happened, but what you pretended was the case. And that requires much more thought, much more (unhealthy) planning, and much more mental space. Why not just be our honest selves and simplify our lives?
3) Telling small lies in the present can bring about avoidable long-term pain. Is your friend writing a book based on a genuinely bad idea? Do you want them to write for two years only to discover that and see their past two years as a waste? Is your friend now dating someone that you know to be bad for them? Should they engage in a year-long relationship only to come to your same realization? Does that dress make me look bad? For goodness' sake, tell me so that I don't go in public with it on! A moment of truth can save us days, months, or years of suffering.
4) Even these tiny "erosions of trust" can lead to bad places. For instance, if I discover a streak of white lies in your conversations with me, what does that lead me to think of you? Each instance of lying undermines actual relationships and leads to a break-down of trust. It corrodes the sanctity of vulnerability with another person, and makes us doubt even when our friends are telling the truth.
5) We destroy our own "moral wealth". We cheat ourselves by acting unvirtuously. It is just like overeating, stealing, cheating on one's spouse, using violence whimsically, or being lazy. It is acting against what good is within us — what we could and should be.
Lastly, I should say that Harris is very careful about the way in which truth is told. ". . . your purpose in telling the truth is not to offend people. You simply want them to have the information you have and would want to have if you were in their shoes." For instance, when a friend asks if he is overweight, one needn't say: "Yes, you are fat to the point where it is disgusting for even me to look at you." One can present the truth (almost always) in a way that is both full of care, and yet helpful to the person. And, honestly, wouldn't you want to have a friend who cared enough about you to tell you the truth, even when uncomfortable? A friend that has your long-term well-being in mind?
I'll leave you with one of the most powerful quotes from the conclusion: "Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship. By lying, we deny others our view of the world. And our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make — in ways we cannot always predict. Every lie is an assault on the autonomy of those we lie to." -
Enkelt og godt argumentert for at løgn (særlige hvite løgner) ikke tjener til noe godt, og at man vil få bedre og nærere forhold til hverandre uten løgn.
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