Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World by Rosalind Wiseman

Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World Reviews

• 
  Aniruddh Bharadwaj

  First of all, let me preface this review by saying that I'm a 17 (soon to be 18) year old high school student (male) studying out of Cupertino. Keyword Cupertino, the land of lore and liberalism, which in itself is a huge indication as to the direction that this review will be moving in.
  
  This book is the holy grail of "guy" problems - a majority of this book accurately and beautifully describes the struggles of teenage boy-ism in the context of a modern high-school, where the backstabbing, lying, and filthily cheating male population has grown aplenty.
  
  I dove into this novel thinking that I was above it all - after all, how could a nerdy, comical, Asian male ever fit neatly into any high-school hierarchy at all? However, as I read through a couple excerpts, I began to realize that I am the "75%", as Wiseman describes us. I fit so perfectly into the bridge between the jocks and the loners, the players and the potheads. I continually and casually hangout with 3 demographically different groups of friends, floating nonchalantly between them without caring about their image, whether they epitomize masculinity, or even if they seem controlled and emasculated. Reading through, it finally dawned on me that I didn't care about what my friends looked like or who they were - I just cared about whether they could crack insanely stupid, but at the same time hilarious, jokes! (partly attributed to my relatively liberal view on societal change)
  
  However, I wholeheartedly disagree with the particulate gender roles that Wiseman has so clearly defined as "The Mastermind and His Minions". As someone that self-identifies as "The Entertainer" (I immediately realized that I was one), I thoroughly enjoy my role as the "court jester" of the social groups that I am a part of - my goal is to diffuse tension by making people laugh, and I don't have to resort to self-depreciation to enjoy being a member of a tight-knit social sub-society. Where I do disagree, though, is that Wiseman the "Act Like a Man Box" forces students into only 1 of these hierarchical roles. In a lot of the groups that I'm a part of, I'm the Entertainer, the Mastermind, and sometimes the Champion as well! I don't think it's possible to clearly define boy-ish roles within larger groups because, during our teenage years, boys will take up any role to fit in (i.e. the entertainer might make himself the punching bag, or sacrifice his reputation as the bouncer).
  
  I do have an interesting question that I'd like to pose to any of the reviewers here, and even to Mrs. Wiseman if she browses this site from time to time: Where are the boys that you received feedback from located (general region is fine)? From my standpoint (as a socially liberal Cupertinian), I've never seen a guy being made fun of for being out of the "Act Like a Man Box", mainly because the people from Cupertino are generally accepting and forward-thinking. However, a lot of the teenagers quoted in the novel seem depressed and relatively angst-y. Thus, can a claim about the regional validity of the book be made (e.g. only useful for "Sun Belt" teenagers afraid to come out to their parents, recommended for parents of socially-lost teenagers, etc.)? I know that, as an author, your job is to make the most "inclusive" or all-encapsulating novel to attract the most readers, but I find it hard to believe that what the novel claims can be adapted to any boy, anywhere (especially since recent social and political movements have left some boys wondering about what to do and what to think).
  
  Regardless, the book is splendidly written, and describes a majority of high-school life perfectly. A great read for anyone looking to delve into the emergence of hierarchy at younger and younger ages.
  
• 
  Aimee

  If you have boys you need to read this book. I have two boys, 15 and 7, and I learned so much from this book. The most important thing I learned was that just because boys are more quiet and do not talk to you about their problems does not mean that do not have things going on in their lives that they need help with. Wiseman gives some great advice on how to talk to your sons and get them to open up to you without pushing them.
  
  Another part of the book that I really appreciated was the section on video games. Wiseman really takes a long look at video games, why they are so important to boys, how they learn to interact and communicate with each other through games, and the positives and negatives of so much time in front of a screen. Video games are the number one cause for arguments in our house and I feel like I now have some new insight into why my boys want to play them so much and I am going to make a real effort to talk to them more about them since they are so important to their lives.
  
  I was really impressed with all of the great information included in this book and though I might not agree with all of Wiseman's advice I did agree with a lot of it and plan on using her ideas to improve my relationships with my sons.
  
• 
  Io

  I found this book terribly frustrating, especially for the first half. It is, essentially, a series of cherry-picked anecdotes masquerading as science. The author begins with an unbelievably stereotypical view of boys. While I believe she did genuinely conduct interviews with a cross-section of boys (at least 150 or so), she cherry-picks quotes from one or two of these interviews to bolster her own stereotypes of how boys behave. I (the mother of two boys) found these sections disheartening at best and infuriating at worst. The book also doesn't tell you how *most* boys responded, only how the ones she wanted to highlight responded. Throughout the book, I struggled to recognize the behavior that she so blithely reported as common among boys--her interpretation just didn't resonate with the experiences of my own sons or their many friends. Perhaps I live in a geographic bubble that makes me lucky, but I found myself thinking she was describing some kind of bizarre alternate universe ruled by basically every stereotype you've ever heard about boys. I would have given it one star, but she did have some sections that made good sense. And just as an aside, she *really* hates lacrosse players. If you needed any more proof that this is basically one long opinion piece, the section on lacrosse players provides it. Overall, this was a terribly disappointing read.
• 
  Lucy

  Rosalind Wiseman wrote the well known book Queen Bees and Wannabes, a book that I haven’t read but have heard about. When I saw this at my library and read that its purpose was to inform parents about the new rules and realities of Boy World, like her Queen Bee book did for girls, I checked it out.
  
  Then, I missed two nights of sleep due to anxiety. Seriously.
  
  I’m sure the many boys she refers to as her “editors” and whose opinions and experiences she used as proof for what boys’ lives are like through middle school and high school are being honest and forthright about what their lives are like. I’m sure Wiseman uses these specific boys and their truths to create her generalities about how they communicate, why they torment, who they accept and what parents need to know with the best possible motives. In a lot of ways, this was every John Hughes film/Friday Nigh Lights/Glee episode I’ve ever seen (which isn’t a lot. Well…I’m pretty sure I’ve watched all the john Hughes films). In a nutshell, boys are told from a very young age that Batman, a mono-emotion superhero, is the ideal and straying from this model affects their standing among friends, girls and even adults. We expect boys to be boys: tough, clever, athletic and cool.
  
  In addition to exposing this Boy World, she explains to parents when and how to ask questions, when and how to be concerned about social media/videogames/pornography and what we’re all doing wrong by worrying about the wrong things. Queue sleepless nights.
  
  My overall feeling upon finishing this book is that, according to her and her helpful editors, I’m doing everything wrong. I ask too many questions, demand too much and pretty much live a hypocritical life. To summarize some of her points, I put him at a social disadvantage by not allowing violent video games (Rated M) and shows (TV-MA) because those are the things his friends are watching and playing and being able to discuss these things with their peers is vital to them feeling like they have a place in boys world and there has been no proof that exposure to violent media makes kids become violent. Girls are going to sext them so I should provide a smart phone, stop checking it after 9th grade and leave them with the advice that when those girls send them naked pictures of themselves, look at it for a minute and then delete it. I find all of this crazy!
  
  But, I checked this book out for a reason. My oldest child, an eighth grader, struggles to talk to me and after reading the “What kind of parent are you?” chapter, I think I fit into the “Dictator” mold which is pretty much the worst type of parent to be. The disparity between what I want for my children and what I’m probably doing for them is harrowing. I don’t know how to be cool or perfect. It sucks.
  
  I don’t think that’s the point of the book but….it kind of is. I found her writing style to be annoying close to arrogant (she admitted her own problems with her kids but very frequently uses her own parenting as a model). There was quite a bit of good information and I appreciate her advice but with my religious perspective and my own common sense, there are some parenting suggestions that I think goes beyond bad advice and is harmful. Does that mean my own bias is getting in the way? I don’t know. I tried reading with an open mind and I have stopped asking so many questions when my middle schooler gets in my car after school and I have a plan about how to handle homophobic jabs (boys are particularly prone to using them) and potential bad coaching. But, there is an entire chapter about boys playing Lacrosse. Lacrosse! It took that chapter, towards the end, for me to realize that her information is not universal. Still, her book is very eye opening and I’m not going to be naive about the possibilities and probabilities of what my children are facing and are going to face being active, sports-playing, boys. It’s going to be tough.
• 
  Camelia Rose

  "You know how parents say to their kids, "Life's not fair"? Well, let's apply that here. Parenting boys isn't fair. When your son is upset or angry, it can feel like you are given one chance with very limited information to say exactly the right thing. If you don't get it right, his expression says, 'This is why I never tell you anything. And now I will never tell you anything again.'"
  
  Masterminds and Wingmen is the best parenting book for boys I've read. It's eye-opening. As a mother of boys and an immigrant, I am so glad that someone has explained the Boy World in United States to me. How to deal with "toxic masculinity" is the main theme of the book, even though the word does not appear. Instead, the author uses ALMB, the Act-Like-a-Man-Box. With the onset of puberty, it seems the Boy World is constructed around ALMB. No, masculinity itself is not a problem. The problem is the rigid conformity that comes with it. If you fit into the box, your status rises and you may even be given an asshole-pass. If you don't fit, you lose your status and you may be discriminated and humiliated. According to ALMB, any sign of pain or suffering is weakness so must not be seen. It explains a lot.
  
  The author believes in communication. She says that as a parent, you must allow your son to express his emotions: anger, frustration or sadness. You must acknowledge his emotions and experiences before giving him advice. You must teach your son how to deal with not only many challenges but also negative emotions--denial or bottle-up is bad.
  
  I find the book extremely useful. A lot of hands-on advice that I can just copy or make small adjustment to suit our family. One chapter is about video games. Parents, copy the two pages of rules the author sets with her sons regarding video games. One chapter deals with sexting (call me naive, I knew almost nothing about this topic before reading the book). As a parent, you must be tech-savvy when it comes to Internet and mobile phones.
  
  The last two chapters are girls-explained and girl-troubles-explained. How NOT to raise a misogynist? How to prepare him for relationship issues? Look at these sub-chapter titles:
  --What do you do when boys put girls down?
  --Getting outplayed or beaten by a girl
  --Crushes
  --Aggressive girls
  --Really aggressive girls
  --How do you explain to boys why some girls act less intelligent than they actually are?
  --Definition of Terms (slang)
  --Fruit Cup Girl (how do you explain girls who wearing tight clothes?)
  --Bad Boys (do bad boys always get the girls?)
  --Things not to say to a high school boy about dating
  --Should girls be allowed in his bedroom?
  --They are joined at the hip and you want a saw
  --You don't like the person he is in a relationship with
  --The princess problem
  --He wants to be the savior
  --He's dating a much younger girl
  --He's dating an older girl
  --He gets her pregnant
  --Heartbreak
  --If he doesn't understand that the girl has rejected him, should I tell him?
  --Abusive relationships
  --What if your son is the abuser?
  --(Really nasty things such as rape)
  
  I am happy to read that the author, who is also the author of Mean Girls, is not blind to manipulative or abusive girls.
  
  My biggest issue with the book is the power structure the author describes as "The Mastermind and His Minions". It seems over-simplified, and it's very possible a child may fit in multiple roles or none at all but still has friends.
  
  Homosexuality takes up a short chapter. One chapter is about autism, learning disabilities and social anxiety etc... It is too short. How to deal with racism is only discussed a little, and mostly from white family point-of-view.
  
  Issues not discussed: The characteristic behavior of irrationality and risk seeking among teenagers, contributed to their unique brain-development.
• 
  Lee

  12/31/13: I've finished reading it, but now I need to go back and work through some parts that seem more appropriate to where my oldest son is. Since I want to take this seriously, I think this requires perhaps taking notes, and some serious thought.
  
  My overall impression is of good work, researching the centrality of video games, the importance of parents and other adult role-models, and the harm that adults who aren't role models can have.
  
  I went into it after reading an excerpt in Time, hoping to learn more about the social organizations of "Boy World." Both my sons are starting at new schools, and watching them work into new-forming groups has been an interesting experience-- any insight would be welcome. Anything about girls and dating would have been welcome, as my minimal experience was so long ago as to be useless in advising my sons.
  
  That the author broke it into topical sections should make it easier to use it as a reference book in the future.
  
  Her use of a lot of boys, from ages 10 to 30 (mostly teens, though), as "editors" and commentators, was definitely what needed to be done.
• 
  Trudy Ludwig

  Masterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind Wiseman is a great resource for parents and any adult working with kids who want to better understand what is going on in the minds of boys and how they communicate. There are sections that you can read with boys, which I have done with my 15-year-old, but I think it's best for parents and educators to read.
  
  What I love about this book is that Rosalind Wiseman shares the opinions and viewpoints of many teenage boys (middle schoolers and high schoolers) she's collaborated with to help the reader recognize, appreciate, and understand the challenges boys face in their social world. It also challenges adults regarding how our own assumptions (and emotional baggage) can build up or break down our relationships with boys.
• 
  Leslie Wilkins

  Interesting and informative. An insightful and, at times, frightening look at how pre-teen and teen boys think and behave. I like that the author had a panel of "editors" that were boys weighing in with real-world experiences. I didn't agree with everything, but will definitely use some of the strategies she suggests. (I probably would have liked it more if the author didn't keep reminding us of her other similar book about girls.)
• 
  Andrea

  All I can think, as I read this book, is can I go back to What to expect when your expecting?!? I am dragging my feet to enter the middle school years.
• 
  Allen Levine

  The following is a bit of an odd review. It has been lifted from my blog, Running Conversations. I think people who like Masterminds and Wingmen will enjoy how the book is described and used to create a context in which to view other works - in this case, my novel, RUN.
  
  As I mentioned in my blog a couple of weeks ago, I was in Boulder, CO last month. A book group had invited me to attend their monthly meeting where they planned to discuss my novel, RUN - which had been the club's book choice for September. Part of the discussion involved viewing RUN's characters in the context of another book, Masterminds and Wingmen, by Rosalind Wiseman.
  
  Being a single guy, I had not read any of Wiseman's works - and there are a good number. She is, perhaps, best known as the author of the book, Queen Bees and Wannabees. That book, about girls and girl culture, would become the basis for Tina Fey's excellent movie, Mean Girls. Masterminds and Wingmen is Wiseman's sequel for boys and boy culture.
  
  When Masterminds and Wingmen (M&W) was mentioned a few days before my trip, I hit up Wikipedia and Wiseman's website in order to be slightly conversant for the book club's meeting. Since then, I have read the book, and I posses a fuller understanding of why M&W would come to mind for someone reading RUN.
  
  In researching RUN, I spent a huge amount of time looking at videos of college and high school cross country teams. I probably viewed 300-400 races. But more importantly, I looked for teams that posted videos outside of races. I watched to see how they interacted both during training and downtime. I followed a lot of Twitter feeds, team Facebook sites, Instagram postings, and paid particular attention to the lexicon used by young runners in comments and photo descriptions. As part of the research, every time a music group, show, or star was mentioned, I'd dutifully track it down and familiarize myself with the subject as much as possible. For instance, I watched a whole season of Zoey 101 (something I would not recommend to anyone over the age of 14), after the show was mentioned in a tweet. In that case, I learned that Zoey was one of a number of shows (ie Saved by the Bell, Degrassi, and Leave it to Beaver) that each generation looks back on as sort of an electronic comfort blanket. It is not that unusual to have a twenty-something watch an episode of the (to me, insipid) show, Zoey, because it is familiar and nostalgic.
  
  In creating M&W, Wiseman went further than looking at how boys/young men talk and act. On an ongoing basis, she spoke with boys from different socio-economic groups, as well as from differing geographies and urban/suburban/rural settings. Rather than simply report, she analyzed what was behind the way boys/young men interacted with their peers, adults, and the world around them. And because she was thorough and inclusive in her research, Wiseman created a work that describes the forces behind the boy culture experience better than anything I've encountered. I found several instances in the book where I was thrown into a reverie - which could be quite emotional - as universal adolescent experiences were covered. At the book's conclusion, I could see the importance its contents would hold for parents of boys. I could see the benefits that I, a single guy, would (and will) derive from Wiseman's insights as well. As people, we all are better off if we are able to understand those around us - their motivations, emotions, thoughts, and the triggers for their actions. It is also helpful to be reminded of lessons we learned, but may have forgotten, as we have matured. M&W is, in some ways, a guidebook for how to positively coexist and collaborate with a significant portion of our population.
  
  Looking at RUN through M&W glasses was a fun and informative experience. The process taught me a bit more about my characters. I also was able to look backwards at M&W through RUN, and had some additional thoughts for Wiseman's work as well.
  
  If you have read both books, keep reading below. If not, you still might find the following discussion interesting, but it won't likely be as meaningful as if you were familiar with both.
  
  In the context of M&W, RUN's main character/narrator, Andy, could be described as a former associate who has become a champion (ital. are terms used to describe boy culture types in M&W). While Andy has mild OCD and ADHD, he has still been able to rise to a high social level because of his talent as a runner and because he can keep his conditions just enough under the radar that most people don't notice them. Chris, in some ways, is an associate, and in others, a limited mastermind - he leads the team, but is not the best runner on the team. Juniors Skids and Ben are both champions and associates, who will no longer be associates once Andy, Chris, and a character named Kit graduate, and Skids and Ben become seniors. And Chad, the antagonist, has obviously been a mastermind. But now he is a mastermind without a posse since he has transferred to Westborough High from his old school for his senior year. So Chad, who many readers have found to be one of the more interesting characters, has trouble fitting in because, as a mastermind, he has only had to adhere to social norms that he created in the past. And now, in a new school, he finds the act of conforming to the culture to be nearly impossible.
  
  Since the book is about cross country running, there is a good amount of content that, on the surface, fits neatly into Wiseman's descriptions of boy culture in relation to sports. Though cross country is not one of the most prestigious sports (ALMB, "act like a man") in M&W's estimation, it still has its own culture, practices, and contracts of conduct.
  
  One thing M&W does not cover well (at least the edition I read) is gay/gay and gay/straight boy relationships and friendships. The book is hetero-centric with little examination given to the topic of gay boys. Even in discussing the 'friend zone', Wiseman only uses examples of boys wanting to date girls. Since 'friend zone' and sports are only discussed from a straight perspective, a good percentage of parents raising gay sons will find no easy answers from M&W. And that is too bad, because a big strength of Wiseman's book is that it can almost be seen as a go-to quick reference guide for many situations. I am hopeful that there will be a future edition that addresses gay and transgender kids. With suicide and substance abuse levels running high in that segment of our younger population, having more clear and supportive resources like M&W would be helpful to both parents and their sons.
  
  The lack of a lot of gay information made it a bit difficult to fully cover the aspects of sports and friendships in RUN from a M&W perspective since a gay character plays such a large role in RUN (the narrator's best friend is gay). Yet there are certainly instances where examples are present. When a couple of kids break team rules, they learn that their actions have consequences. They are not hated or abused, but instead are made to follow the rules they had agreed to when they joined the sport. In another instance, bullying and rough talk are addressed by a coach. The kids, particularly Skids, a gay runner, are good at not letting too many sexist remarks fly by without challenge.
  
  While Andy may be a M&W champion in disposition and in most of his actions, he is unable to act against the biggest issue the team faces. His associates, Chris and Skids (who, as I wrote earlier have some mastermind and champion traits), are ultimately the two who try separately, and in their own very different ways, to fix the problem.
  
  I learned a lot by taking another look at RUN after reading Masterminds and Wingmen. I better understood my characters' motivations. I spent time looking back at my own childhood to think about how I fit in. I also examined how I interact with boys (and kids in general) in my life as an adult. Am I sending them the right message? Or am I falling into an ALMB role? With different kids, I think I probably do a bit of both. And that will, I hope change for the better in the immediate future.
  
  While I am working on a new book (with very different subject matter) at the moment, I have been asked many times about writing a sequel to RUN. When I do, Wiseman's Masterminds and Wingmen will certainly be a top reference guide.
  
• 
  Jen

  Full disclosure, I won this book from Firstreads on Goodreads. An honest review was requested and will be given.
  
  Ok, it may seem strange that I wanted to read this book, as I do not have any children, don't plan in it or work with children of either gender. I have a huge interest in sociology. I really enjoy reading about different peoples and cultures and considering I'm female and have little interaction with children, what could be more alien then young males to me?
  
  This book was also fascinating, as it gave me a lot of "a-ha!" moments, when things that goofy guys in middle or high school did became clear as to why they most likely did them. Ok, kind of garbled sentence there. To put it simply, I wish I had this book as a guide to understanding my male peers when I was in school.
  
  If I was a parent, I know this book would most likely be a God-send, as the author is clear and gives examples of what to say, and not say, in certain situations. It has to be a challenge to raise any child with morals and values and the author makes that a little easier for the parents who read this book.
  
  I would completely recommend this book to ANYone, as if you don't live in a vacuum, you're bound to run into children, both male and female, and it would help to have an idea of how to communicate, give and earn respect with them.
  
  My only slight less-than-positive, if you could call it that, is that it is very specific in regards to boys and teens in America in the current American society. Specifically white males. She does mention those of Jewish and African ancestry, but only in passing. I'm assuming that what she writes can apply to all male children, but I honestly don't know. Other than that, no complaints from me.
  
  Great book and I'm so glad that I got a chance to read it. Read this book. :)
• 
  Molly

  I (very excitedly) received an ARC of this title from Goodreads and the publisher.
  
  I have never read Queen Bees and Wannabees (nor seen Mean Girls), but I'm familiar with the buzz around the author's 'girl' book and was beginning to hear a lot about Masterminds. Given that I have an 8 year old boy, this one seemed important for me to read.
  
  The author's tone is very conversational, which makes this easy to read. Her text is peppered with quotes from guys (preteen and up), as well as girls, parents and teachers. It is easy to see yourself or your son in many of the situations described. I found myself nodding along as I read. Even the parts that apply to older teens were worthwhile reading. I only hope I can remember her advice when my son and I stumble into this new territory.
  
  This book can be helpful to parents of all stripes, conservative to liberal, strict to lenient. Reading through the scenarios (from sports to girls to friends) can help you reflect on what you say and how you guide your son through adolescence.
  
  Recommended for parents of pre-teen boys and any struggling with communication.
• 
  Leah

  Much of this book was excruciatingly difficult to digest, either because I disagreed with parenting methods used by the author in her own family, or because it addressed issues facing older teens I would rather not imagine. Yet, I listened to the whole book because I know better than to hide my head in the sand. Cod liver oil is good for us, even if we don't enjoy the taste.
  
  My biggest bone of contention stems from the title of the book, which the author probably had little in the way of control. There is a very short section at the beginning of book that describes the social hierarchy of boys. Her categories strike me as both rigid and limiting. Thankfully, the author only references these roles a couple of times throughout the book. There is much more material here that has nothing to do with this element of boy life.
  
  In writing the book, the author relied on student editors to review her writing and contribute their experiences. Several times, she allows the boys to suggest phrases that would be helpful for parents when addressing a situation. This was the most useful element, one I may look to again for suggestions in the future.
• 
  Laura

  Even though I don't have sons, I picked this book up because I absolutely loved Queen Bees and Wannabes. Wiseman used a similar research style for this book and gives similarly helpful insights into boy world. I especially liked her "act like a man box" activity as it revealed just how narrow worldly ideas of manhood really are. I read enough of this book to get the most important parts out of it: boys do in fact have emotional lives that are surprisingly complex, which is shown by the alarmingly high rates of suicides among boys, the declining supply of qualified male applicants to college, and the increasing incidents of boys with body image issues. I appreciate how Wiseman actually interviews teen boys and runs every chapter by them before publishing.
• 
  Tiffany

  Having one son at the beginning of teenage years and another son who will eventually be a teenager - I thought maybe I should learn what to do with them. This was not the book. A lot of examples of scenarios - some seemed to end with nothing substantial said, or were very random. Others I completely disagreed with the author or thought, 'what kind of clueless idiot does she think I am?' The few times I thought 'interesting' are completely lost in the fact I really did not like the author and did not enjoy spending 300 some pages with her. The only reason I read this book all the way through was I actually purchased it. Mistake - if it had been a library book I would have returned it unfinished. This copy will now go to the 'donation' bin at the library.
• 
  Misty Ray

  Informative and easy to follow; "Masterminds and Wingmen" breaks down the varying levels of power and cultural roles that appear in a young man's life over time. There are no real, concrete tips here on how to deal with and approach a boy from a parenting perspective, but plenty of ways to better understand what he goes through in a day.
  
  Useful for those who want to better understand their child, and a good stepping stone for those who want to find their own path of openness with him.
  
  Received as an advance copy through Goodreads.
• 
  GJS

  If you have boys, I think every parent should read this book to benefit from the insights from the 160 boys interviewed. Some items were common sense but great reminders and other items opened my eyes to parenting my son in a new way. Like another reviewer stated, this book could be read multiple times and I'm sure I will get something from it each time. I plan to read the author's other book "Queenbees and Wannabees" next even though I don't have a girl. Can't recommend enough!
• 
  Gwyneth

  I read about 2/3 of this and stopped - some interesting thoughts in here about how to engage with boys - particularly older boys - but not much that really related to where I am with my sons right now. Maybe I'll pick this up again when my kids are older. But then again, maybe not - being a parent is scary enough, why freak myself out about what else could be going wrong that I don't even know about?
• 
  Holly

  This book is a great resource for anyone dealing with boys. Very relevant and truthful information without having to "shame" anyone into feeling that their parenting or authority decisions may not be the best. This book will be a staple on my book shelf so I can reference it when needed. I'm also going to suggest to my husband that he reads it so we can better figure out our "parenting plan" together.
• 
  Fastener Gal

  I have read, both Queen Bees and Wannabes and Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads so FINALLY, the woman wrote a book about BOYS! As a mom of three sons I like that she uses the kids' vernacular and calls, us, parents out with her "landmines" of parenting. I would recommend any of her books to any parent. Just be prepared to check your own baggage.
• 
  Bethany

  Parents of boys, this is worth your time. Wish I'd read it 8 years ago. Too bad it wasn't written then. The author has also written a book called "Queen Bees and Wannabes" which is also worth reading if you are a parent of or spend much time with preteen or teen girls.
• 
  Marjorie Fox

  Superficial and obvious. What a disappointment!
• 
  Angela Risner

  Even though I'm not a parent, I read Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabes and loved it. If adults are honest with ourselves, we will see that many times our adult relationships share many features with those of our younger selves. How often have you seen someone post on Facebook regarding their workplace, "I thought I was out of high school!" ? So while these books may have been written to address the issues of adolescents, they are just as applicable to those of us who are long past that age. As Dr. Phil said the other day, we as adult talk about kids as though we have had nothing to do with who they turn out to be.
  
  Wiseman is aptly named (well, she would be a wise woman, but I digress.) She has really paid attention to the interactions between kids, between girls, between boys, between parents, and between parents and kids. Of course Queen Bees resonated with me because I'm a girl and I've been in both the bullied and the bully position as a kid and probably yes, as an adult, as much as I hate to admit it (about being the bully.) I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until the ripe old age of 41, and having untreated ADD means that my reactions and comments were sometimes said in the heat of the moment, without thought. Now that I'm being treated, I no longer have that issue.
  
  With Masterminds and Wingmen, this was a fascinating look into Boy World. Now, I had already figured out some things on my own. I was raised to believe that boys didn't have the same kind of relationships or feelings that girls do. But I noticed that a lot of men did have those kind of friendships with both men and women. And so it led me to believe (correctly) that many of the stereotypes I'd been told about men and women were incorrect. As Wiseman points out, just because a boy says he's fine, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is. There is much more going on than meets the eye.
  
  Wiseman offers up a lot of tools for dealing with just about every situation that could come up - and these are ones that adults could use as well. How often do we tell employees to "Do the right thing" or "Be a good employee" without defining what those are? As humans we approach everything from a point of our own experiences and history - which means that we end up holding people to standards they may not have encountered before. It's the same thing when we tell kids to "Do the right thing" or "Don't get into trouble" without laying out the parameters of what that means.
  
  She also uses a strategy called SEAL,which assists with conflict resolution. This is another technique adult could use.
  
  1. Stop and Set it Up: Assess the situation, i.e what happened? Should I confront the person now or later?
  2. Explain: State the problem and what you would like to happen or do.
  3. Affirm and Acknowledge: Affirm your right to be treated with dignity and acknowledge anything you've done to contribute to the issue.
  4. Lock in (or out): Determine the status of the relationship going forward.
  
  I also love that she points out that when you ask someone else what their perception is, "you must be ready to be changed by what you hear." To me, that's one of the most powerful statements. Because if you're not truly ready to hear something, you won't be able to accept what the other person is saying and you won't be able to see their point of view.
  
  Some highlights (there's no way I can share all of the great moments in this book - I have 26 pages of highlights.)
  
  *The closest we've come to recognizing boys' issues is in our discussions of teen suicides, which we generally attribute to homophobia and lack of gun control.
  *What's way more useful for boys is to talk to them about integrity looks like to you under duress.
  *He isn't running to play that video game for no reason. He's running to distract himself from the shame he feels that he was ridiculed for his body, from his deeply wired believe that he can't tell you what happened, and it feels good to shoot something that he can pretend is his tormentor.
  *My colleagues in college admissions tell me that the ratio of male applicants to female applicants has continued to weaken so much that now they believe that for every eight qualified female applicants there are only two male applicants....So while people are worried about racial affirmative action, the biggest affirmative action problem is right in front of us.
  *No matter how physically hurt he is, Batman shakes it off If he's angry, he either clenches his jaw or exacts revenge with utter physical domination.
  *It's about understanding that power and privilege are at work when one person believes he has the right to speak for everyone and no one contradicts him.
  *To equate speaking out about abuse of power and social injustice with being sexually attracted to other men makes no sense. If it did, heterosexual men would be defined as those who do nothing or who join in when someone's being abused. Then only gay men would have the courage to stand up.
  *Our boys deserve meaningful relationships, the freedom to pursue what interests and challenges them, a feeling of belonging and social connection to others, and a sense that they're contributing to something larger than themselves. Those four criteria make up the definition of happiness.
  *From the moment our children realize they are separate entities from us and realize that we will often stop them from doing what they want, they carefully study us to figure out how to get their way.
  *We are forced to come face-to-face with our acceptance of violence as entertainment in other areas. Since many of us find that hard to acknowledge, we point to video games as the problem.
  *There is no video game in history that can approach the level or intensity of violence present in the Old Testament.
  *If he gets caught violating a technology or alcohol or drug policy, he (and even you) may think the rules are stupid or unfairly applied, but he agreed to those rules by becoming a participating member of the community.
  *"What is the difference between what you do and who you are? If you repeat certain types of disrespectful or dishonest actions, at what point do you become a disrespectful or dishonest person?"
  *Kids, including the most entitled and abusive athletes, don't go after other kids unless they know that adult "leaders" in their school don't or can't hold them accountable.
  *You can't take away someone's experience, but you can say that his personal experience doesn't reflect the reality of all girls, and you should advise him not to make it generalized blanket statements.
  
  If I had the funds, I would buy this for everyone I know. I really can't think of a single person, group, or company that wouldn't benefit from this.
• 
  Ashley Case

  There were a couple nuggets of wisdom in here, but overall I did not find it worthwhile. She barely touches on earning respect as a parent or how to comfort a kid that is getting picked on. And yet there are pages and pages on what girls need and why. She also has a skewed perspective on some things that did not apply outside of her little circle. I just couldn't find much use in this book. I did really enjoy reading the bits added by the teenagers. I wish more of their quotes and perspectives had made it to the page. They rose this book from 1 star to 2.
• 
  Sunny Duvvuru

  As I was reading the excerpts from the packet, I slowly started to realize how much of the content applies to my life. The section about groups and archetypes found in groups really hit home, because the were so similar to ones my group had. Thinking about it I realized that we have a Punching Bag, a Conscience, an Entertainer, a Fly, and a Champion. The description of the archetypes were strikingly similar to qualities my friends have.
  
  Cupertino High School, I believe, fits a few of the things items discussed in the packet. During Brunch and Lunch, one can see the different groups arranged throughout the quad. There isn't much diffusion from each group, aside from the occasional Fly. I agree that the groups keep to themselves, and it is awkward to try and go to another group.
  
  One area in which Cupertino High School differs is in academics. The focus of academics at Tino is much greater than at the schools from which the students came from. As a result, some of the problems that students from these other schools face are opposite to which the ones at Tino face. For example, one of the students said that he was scared to tell his friends that he works hard in school and gets good test scores. In Tino, I believe that the students are driven by falling behind there friends in school, and so they work hard. Performing well in school is a part of a students social standing in Tino. It might be because, Tino is surrounded by a bubble. The bubble repels all the distractions that can cause a students performance in school to be affected. The entire community pushes there children to focus on academics. As a result, many of the problems faced by other schools are not present here.
  
  Although the book has good intentions, I don't understand how it will have a big affect on students.
  Most students will never hear about the book, and even if they do they wont read it. As a result, the students who actually struggle in schools wont know about the solutions found in the books. The ones that are made to read it will process the information and eventually forget it, because it has little to no real value to them. By the time student are able to understand the material in the book, it will be too late for them to do anything. After a while, the student's place in the schools hierarchy is set in stone, and trying to move will be impossible.