The Peace Maker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande

The Peace Maker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict Reviews

• 
  Emma G. Hardman

  Good purpose behind it, just took me a while to get through
• 
  Joshua Southard

  I am often amazed at how bad we are at finding agreeable resolutions to problems that come up in our American lives. We are so quick to sue and fight and bicker and hold a grudge to the death. It’s not in our culture to overlook offense or let anything go. We want to win. Often with no regard for others or the cost. This book outlines a Christian, Biblical approach to handling conflict. It is counterintuitive in many ways; countercultural for sure. In the book, there is an illustration that helped me immensely. It shows the spectrum of responses we have available to us in conflict ranging from escape to attack. It also shows how the best solutions or responses are in the middle of the slope and are called peacemaking responses. The book is organized into four parts, each with three chapters. Sande discusses the progression from one side of the arch of peacemaking responses to the other as the type of conflicts progress from less to more difficult to resolve. The easiest way to resolve a conflict is to overlook an offense. This action or approach is something I am working on in my journey. In many cases, there is no problem unless I force there to be one. I am working on knowing when to make things a problem and when to let go of things that will only make life worse. Humility is critical to this approach and so is patience. Other ideas that Sande presents include the idea that we, as Christians should keep our conflicts out of the courts. We should be the first to settle issues calmly, quietly, and gracefully among ourselves. After all, the world is watching, and nothing destroys a ministry or testimony like infighting and conflict. Shouldn’t we prefer to be wronged and let it go than to harm the body of Christ? Sande talks about the power of owning your piece of the problem. We have deep habits of talking ourselves into thinking the other party owns most of the blame even if that’s not true. By owning our piece, we have much more power to influence the solution process and build better outcomes. Again, humility is important. Stop slandering the other person. Really listen to their side of the story. A gentle answer turns away wrath. There were a lot of good ideas in this book. It felt like it provided some Biblical basis for several of the ideas presented in Never Split the Difference. Being a peacemaker is not about running away or being more powerful. It’s about leaning into hard conversations and being willing to sit in the tension until you understand the other side and can come to better solutions for everyone.
  
  This is for lots of people struggling to understand how to mend relationships.
  (Rated PG, Score 8/10, audiobook read by the author, 4:49, ebook, 321p.)