Why Mars and Venus Collide by John Gray

Why Mars and Venus Collide Reviews

• 
  Skylar Burris

  Synopsis: Men and women are different. In the event that you have already figured this out after several years of marriage, this book may yet give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone in your frustrations. "Why Mars and Venus Collide" did have some helpful advice. However, I think those helpful nuggets were already lodged in his early book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." (There appears to be some gratuitous repackaging going on here.)
  
  I confess that while I was reading this book, my angry inner feminist occasionally reared her irritated head. Gray tells me that "Making a Man Happy is Easier than You Think." Why, Gray says, *ALL* you have to do is love him unconditionally just as his dog does (yes, he uses his dog as an example) and applaud him vigorously for picking up a single pair of socks after you've spent an hour cleaning up the entire bedroom (actual example). See how EASY it is?
  
  Then there's the list of 100 ways I can raise my oxytocin levels and be happier and have more energy: arrange flowers, cook a meal, get my hair done, use my fine china, take a cooking class, buy a new outfit, babysit. . . I'm not sure he could be much more stereotypical if he tried. Where is reading theology in the list of 100? Discussing classical literature?
  
  On more than one occasion, he suggests, not quite in these words, but more or less: "There were a lot fewer marriage problems back in the good old days when women didn't expect anything more of their husbands than a paycheck." While I agree that it is easy in these modern times for women to have unrealistic expectations of their husbands, expecting them to be at once provider and girlfriend, I think (at least I hope) there is a happy medium between these two, a something more than provider, a help mate.
  
  When reading this, I felt like Gray infantilized men too much. Take, for instance, his use of himself as an example of men needing to have specific projects assigned to them in order to even begin to function in a domestic realm: "When my wife and I go food shopping at the farmer's market, I have my designated job—paying each vendor, pushing the cart, and carrying the heavy bags." Good job, John! What a big boy! You wouldn't want to try to tackle all of the complicated features of food shopping all by yourself, such as writing a list and locating the produce. (My husband must be exceptional. He can go grocery shopping without me.) "Likewise, when I help with the dishes, I like to plant myself in front of the sink and wash dishes while others bring plates over, put things away, and clean tabletops." Yes, John, you wouldn't want to take on such an overwhelmingly detailed task as clearing plates, washing them, AND putting them away. That's really only something women can handle.
  
  "Many men," Gray helpfully relates, "tend to lose interest and energy while doing the nurturing, oxytocin-producing domestic routines like laundry, shopping, cooking, and cleaning." Newsflash: So do many women. All of the biological oxytocin gobbledygook aside, laundry and cleaning do NOT increase my energy levels. I do the laundry because it needs to be done. I don't do it because it gives me a boost of the happy drug.
  
  I agree that men and women handle and process stress differently. I do agree with him that much stress in modern marriages is owning to women trying to take on two roles at once (by both working full-time and yet still acting as the primary homemaker), but he makes it sound as though men are biologically incapable of cleaning house.
  
  One thing I've discovered about marriage books is that they tend to make me really appreciate my husband. And this one in particular inspires appreciation by leading me to believe that while my husband's flaws are common to men, his virtues are exceptional. So you have done him a bit of good after all, John, even if you haven't convinced me that he has a biological imperative to do only one chore a week.
  
  I guess I don't have space to mention the constant textual interruptions with advertisements and URLs for his homeopathic remedies...
  
  As for women who suspect they may need to become easier to get along with (and don't most of us to some extent?), I think a better book to read is Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It can irritate the inner angry feminist from time to time, too, but I think it's easier to take that kind of truth coming from another woman, and she didn't strike me as quite as stereotypical--or at least not as annoyingly so--as Gray. At least, I got more out of that book than I have out of this one.
• 
  Razan Jambi

  كتاب جميل فعلا،،،كثيرا ما يتحدث عنه المؤلف هي المشكلات التي نسمعها مرارا وتكرارا في علاقتنا بالجنس الاخر
  اكثر ما عجبني هو فكره ان تكون مسؤول عن سعادتك بنسبه ٩٠٪ بينما يساهم شريك حياتك في سعادتك بنسبه ١٠٪
  اتضح لي ان العلاقات الشخصيه لا تؤخذ كشيء مضمون اي انها متى ما صلحت في بدايتها فهذا يعني انها ستصلح مدى الحياه بالضروره بل يجب العمل عليها دائما لتنميتها وتقويتها ولتكون مصدر سعاده لنا في حياتنا لفترات طويله
• 
  Nadin Adel

  Why Mars and Venus Collide!
  
  
  
  An excellent resource to learn more about your spouse's psychology, the pattern of thinking and preferences when it comes to stress. Unlike other self-development books, this book is based on statistics and real experiences that can be related to every single family. I have been recommended this book through the outstanding lectures of Ayman Abd El Rahim
  أيمن عبد الرحيم. The book is divided into 10 chapters and below are some of the highlights that would probably be worth reflecting and recalling:
  
  1- Why Mars and Venus Collide:
  

  "Men love to solve problems, but when their efforts are misdirected and go unappreciated, they lose interest over time."
  
  "Our differences are intensified by stress. When we do not understand our different coping mechanisms, Mars and Venus collide."
  
  "Since men and women do not respond to stress in the same way, the kinds of support we require to relieve stress differ. What helps men release stress can be the opposite of what helps women feel better. While he withdraws into his cave to forget the problems of his day, she wants to interact and discuss things. When she shares her frustrations, he offers solutions, but she is simply looking for some empathy. Without a clear understanding of their unique needs and reactions to stress, they will inevitably feel unsupported and unappreciated."
  
  "At the same time, the women’s movement has awakened women and inspired many to find a fulfilling career in order to develop all their talents. When a woman returns home from work feeling responsible for creating a beautiful home and nurturing her family, she has to do this around the demands of her job. This is a new stress, and it requires a new kind of support. No wonder women feel so overwhelmed as they balance the demands of work and home."
  
  "Being equals does not mean that we have to be the same. To give equal respect, we must recognize that we are different and support those differences. Respect is honouring who a person is and being open to appreciate what he or she has to offer."
  
  "It is no longer enough for a man to be a good provider. If she works outside the home, then to be fair, he should contribute to work inside the home and be more supportive in the relationship. If she is doing traditional “men’s work,” then he should do traditional “women’s work.”"
  
  "Most men, to some degree, want their partners to be the domestic divas their mothers were. A man wants to come home and be supported by his loving wife. Since he is doing what his father did, his wife should do what his mother did. Oblivious to how much it takes to organize a smooth-running household, he expects the impossible from her."
  
  "As men cling to old expectations, women are creating new expectations. These expectations are understandable but unrealistic."
  
  "Women are the custodians of love, family, and relationship. When women stop being women and are too stressed to carry out these functions, we are all lost. Women remind men of what is important in life. Women hold the wisdom of the heart and inspire men to act from their hearts. Men can have great vision, but women provide the meaningful foundation. When women are not happy, no one is happy."
  
  "When women become men, men lose purpose, meaning, and inspiration in life."
  
  "One approach that works most of the time is to ask for his help in specific terms. Men love projects. Projects are specific. They have a beginning and an end. He can determine what he is going to do, how he is going to do it, and most important, when he is going to do it. Men will often do what they consider is most important first. When given a project to accomplish, he also senses that his efforts will not be taken for granted. All these ingredients help to give him energy and motivation"
  
  "Even if he is tired, a project with a definite end point or solution will give him extra energy particularly if a woman’s tone of voice or facial expression while making the request indicates that she will appreciate the result of his actions. When he does something to help her rather than because she expects or thinks he should do it, he then feels closer to her and is more willing to help out in the future. This willingness, based on satisfying many of her little requests or projects, actually gives him more energy at home to provide even more support. Eventually, he will get in the habit of helping more and more."
  
  "A man loses interest when he senses that he can’t continue to meet a woman’s expectations."
  
  "Adjusting, updating, and correcting our expectations can free us from feeling victimized or powerless to get what we need."
  
  "When stress is removed from the formula, our differences are never a problem. When stress is reduced, our differences are a major source of fulfillment."
  
  "The problem is never just our partner but our own inability to cope with stress."
  
  "To yield to a woman’s unrealistic expectations will eventually exhaust a man."
  
  "Instead of becoming more sensitive, men need to become sensitive to the needs of women."
  
  "A woman’s sensitivity, which gives her the ability to enjoy and appreciate the little things in life, is a major turn-on to men."
  
  "A woman can learn ways to lower her partner’s stress by helping him feel successful in helping her. Though a man does appreciate domestic support, positive communication, and romance, what is most important to him is to feel he is providing his partner with some measure of fulfillment. Instead of thinking of direct ways to support him, she can actually do less and simply appreciate what he does for her.This works well, because women are already doing way too much. Wouldn’t it be great if a woman could do less, and a man would feel more supported?"
  
  "When a man takes action to support a woman’s needs, she feels supported, and her stress goes down. But the opposite is true on Mars. When a woman does less for him and allows him to do more for her, his stress is lessened. A man’s stress is reduced when he feels successful in meeting her needs. Instead of giving more to him, she just needs to help him be successful in meeting her needs."
  
  "In short, “helping him help her” involves asking him for support instead of just expecting him to give it, and then requires that she acknowledges how much she authentically appreciates what ever she gets."
  
  "to learn how to ask a man for support in small increments that are realistic and reasonable."
  
  "You can only appreciate what you have when you authentically feel a need for it."
  
  "A needy man is a huge turnoff to women"
  
  "Women need to rediscover the power and strength of their femininity. Women don’t have to be like men to be powerful and get what they want and need. Likewise, men don’t have to become like women to be loving and supportive in their relationships."
  
  "Men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone."
  
  "When a women feels she can open up and depend on someone, her stress in life is greatly reduced. When a woman is unable to recognize her needs or get them met, she increasingly feels distress in her life"
  
  "With a greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. With a more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide."
  
  "Love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing a life together, striving to meet each other’s needs as best we can. Forgiving our partners for their mistakes and accepting their limitations can be just as fulfilling as appreciating their many gifts and successes. Just as it was difficult for her to live with a man who didn’t always"
  
  "Just as women need to let go of expecting men to be perfect, men need to let go of expecting women to think we are perfect. Together we have learned that our life does not have to be perfect for us to connect and support each other. Real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection. Sharing this kind of love enriches all aspects of our lives and brings increasing fulfillment."
  
  

  
  
  2- Hardwired to Be Different
  
  

  
  "Instead of seeing our different stress reactions as a problem, we need to recognize that our attempts to change our partners are most often the real problem."
  

  
  
  

  
  "If a man forgets a woman’s need or a woman remembers his mistakes, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other."
  

  
  
  

  
  "A woman’s greatest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others."
  

  
  
  

  
  "A man’s brain is single-focused, while a woman’s brain tends to multitask."
  

  
  
  

  
  "Leaving a man alone and ignoring him is sometimes the best way to support him."
  

  
  
  

  
  "When men have little to say, women often take it personally, as if he doesn’t want to share."
  

  
  
  

  
  "When women talk, a man is acutely aware of the time she is taking and feels an inner urgency to help her solve her problems."
  

  
  
  

  
  "A woman’s enormous capacity for joy, delight, and fulfillment is the fuel that lets a man know that he makes a difference."
  

  
  
  3- Stress Hormones from Mars and Venus
  
  

  
  "Success or the anticipation of success in a relationship fuels the rise of a man’s testosterone and sustains his interest in her."
  

  
  
  

  
  "Appreciating and accepting what he does, or forgiving him for what he neglects to do, is the most supportive way a woman can treat a man."
  

  
  
  

  
  "Shifting from one problem to an easier problem to solve can help rebuild a man’s testosterone levels."
  

  
  
  

  
  "When a man’s workday is over, a switch turns off in his brain, and he shifts to a passive, relaxed mode."
  

  
  
  

  
  "Trust and the anticipation of getting needs met is a potent oxytocin producer."
  

  
  
  

  
  "Talking about problems with someone you love can elevate oxytocin levels on Venus."
  

  
  
  
  4- A Woman's Never-Ending To-Do List
  
  

  
  "When women have plenty of energy, they take great pleasure from their responsibilities."
  
  "A woman thinks her to-do list is causing her stress, but her low oxytocin levels are to blame."
  
  "More testosterone, which comes from solving problems, does nothing to lower a woman’s stress levels."
  
  "Women talk for a variety of reasons that can have nothing to do with solving a problem."
  
  "When a man can do little things and get a big response, he gets the energy and the drive to do more."
  
  "A man loves her more when she does not feel she is making a sacrifice and when she accepts what he has to give. As she gets better at receiving the support he offers, a man feels increasingly successful."
  
  "A man will ask for help, but only after he feels he has done everything he can on his own."
  
  "A man looks for someone he can be successful in loving."
  
  

  
  
  5- The 90/10 Solution
  

  
  "Men can fulfill only a small portion of the support women need for oxytocin production."
  
  "When a woman is already almost full, a man is highly motivated to bring her to the top."
  
  "When doing little things for her makes a difference, a man does more little things."
  
  "On Venus, every gift of love scores equal to every other gift of love, no matter how big or small."
  
  "Most men overlook the little things that can rack up big points on Venus."
  
  "To score more points, rather than bring a dozen roses and get two points, a man can bring one rose twelve times and make twenty-four points."
  
  "A man gets more points when his questions are specific as opposed to general."
  
  "When a woman feels resentment, she loses her ability to acknowledge a man’s points."
  
  "When a woman is severely stressed, nothing a man does will make a difference."
  
  "A man can only provide 10 percent of a woman’s fulfillment. The rest is up to her."
  
  "Talking without solving any problems can create a profound change."
  
  

  
  
  6- Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
  
  

  
  "Unreleased stress not only prevents a woman from feeling positive but can also restrict her fertility, in addition to the other potential health problems discussed earlier. I have so often observed women having fertility issues because they are not effectively coping with the stress of their testosterone-fueled jobs. In the last fifteen years, fertility in women has become a major health and relationship concern."
  
  "Women in high-testosterone-producing jobs need cave time, but they also need time to connect."
  
  "When every cell in his body wants to offer a solution, a man must take a deep breath and say, “Tell me more.”"
  
  

  
  
  7- The Anatomy of a Fight
  
  

  
  
  "Women are hardwired to ask questions and talk, while men are designed to act."
  
  
  "Couples commonly disagree, argue, or fight about money, scheduling, domestic responsibilities, parenting, and sex. In each case, after a few minutes of arguing, we actually fight about the way we are fighting. This shift is where the trouble lies. Instead of staying on track, focusing on a single topic of dispute, we make our partner the problem that needs to be solved. We move away from the issue and resist our partners because of the way they are communicating about the subject of the disagreement."
  
  "Men need to avoid correcting a woman’s feelings, and women need to avoid making disapproving comments about a man’s thoughts and actions."
  
  "During arguments, men need to ask more questions, and women need to talk less about their feelings."
  
  "In therapy we are encouraged to share feelings, but in a fight it can make matters worse."
  
  "We fight because we are too focused on proving the merits of our point of view and overlook our partner’s needs to feel understood and appreciated."
  
  "To avoid fights, take time to communicate that you understand your partner’s perspective."
  
  "Arguments can be resolved when they are not debates, trials, or competitions."
  
  "Mixing feelings and problem solving simply doesn’t work."
  
  

  
  8- How to Stop Fighting and Make Up
  

  
  "During a time-out, a woman should find someone other than her partner to talk with."
  
  "A man is actually making it safe for her to talk by taking a time-out when he has heard too much."
  
  "Talking more can be like pouring gas on the fire of a man’s frustration and rage."
  
  "Taking a time-out helps a woman sort out her thoughts to identify her needs and positive feelings."
  
  "Couples need to express themselves, but they don’t have to say everything they think and feel."
  
  "Many couples will treat a stranger or guest with greater consideration than each other."
  
  "Knowing when to hold your tongue is more powerful than saying the right things."
  
  "Learning to say we are sorry is one of the most important relationship skills."
  

  
  
  9- Talking About Feelings in a Fight-Free Zone
  

  
  "When couples don’t talk, nothing he does is ever good enough."
  
  "A Venus Talk is basically an FYIO message—for your information only. No action is required or expected."
  
  "Just knowing that she will not be interrupted can lower a woman’s stress levels."
  
  "Limiting the time of a Venus Talk trains the mind and body to release stress in a shorter period of time."
  

  
  
  
  10- Looking for Love in all the Right Places
  

  
  "Adjusting our expectations does not mean we are settling for less."
  
  "By finding support and love independent of our partners, we relieve them of an impossible burden."
  
  "To experience the excitement of coming together, you must spend time apart."
  
  "Feelings of obligation may ruin friendships, but they kill romance."
  
  "Life is a process of discovering that you have everything you need, and you always did."
  

  
  11- Conclusion: Creating a Lifetime of Love
  
  

  
  
  "Once the newness of love has passed, we gradually become vulnerable to the massive stress in our lives."
  
  "To keep the passion alive, we must do what works even if we don’t feel like it."
  
  "These women mistakenly think the sole reason they are happier is that they don’t have to bother with a passive partner who resists giving to them. But the real reason such a woman is happier is that she has given up expecting a man to make her happy and has finally taken responsibility for her own happiness. With these new insights, instead of getting a divorce to discover this inner ability, a woman can stay married and get the added bonus of a partner who is not only enriched by her fulfillment but rejoices in her happiness."
  
  "A telling symptom of increased stress is our loss of perspective on what is most important in life."
  
• 
  Susanna

  My dumbfounded disappointment with this book almost made me speechless. Well, almost...
  
  Unlike his previous books, this book lacks structure and substance. The reeling reference to his websites and his other products makes me frown. His takes on male/female relationship and domestic bliss infuriate me. Here are his two theories that particularly stand out in my mind.
  
  First, "A woman has more body fat than a man, and that is what gives her lasting energy." Excuse me, what kind of rubbish is this? This statement is an atrocity to human intelligence and this is as close to blasmephy as it gets.
  
  Second. "Divorced women are often happier, because they have finally taken responsibility for their own happiness." His exact words are "... because the woman has given up expecting a man to make her happy and has finally taken responsibility for her own happiness." Hm... I wonder if it has ever occurred to Gray that a divorced woman is happier because she simply does not want to stay in that relationship and she is tired of playing a martyr?
  
  This is a great book IF it's written from a reverse-psychology perspective. I would neither endorse nor recommend this book to my friends. Gray's injudicious logics have done injustice to both male and female. (We are a doomed race IF all males are callous fools.) Embracing his logics will undoubtly send you to years of therapies.
  
• 
  Grace

  Actually marking this book as "read" is a total lie. Very rarely do I not finish a book and up until now I have never thrown a book across the room in a display of displeasure and frustration. This book infuriated me. A very close friend of mine recommended the book to me and swore up and down that it truly helped her with her relationships. I could only read the first two chapters before I threw the book across the room and decided enough was enough. The author's views are extremely esoteric, sexist, and out dated. His advice to build and maintain a healthy relationship is for women to do what men wish, to serve their every need and not to burden men with silly things like communication, understanding, care and love. If a woman does these things then she can maintain a sense of accomplishment and keep her man happy and by her side. The author attempts to back up his views of how men and women are different by citing "facts" such as men don't ask for directions because when "cavemen" were hunting, there was no one to ask for directions and thus not asking for directions has been hard wired into a man's brain. The author uses archaeological and anthropological data that is years out of date and has been disproven time and time again.
  
  Maybe the book gets better but I just couldn't bring myself to finish it least I start bleeding from the eyes as I read....
• 
  Kim

  This was the first book I've ever read by John Gray, and I only picked it because my library's e-book selection is limited and there wasn't much available to check out in the Relationship genre. This book does have some helpful communication techniques that might be worth trying if your marriage is in deep trouble, but I did take issue with some of it...
  
  Gray strives to explain the hormonal differences between men and women and how these differences cause wildly different behaviors and attitudes. But really he just ends up sounding like a conservative sexist asshole. He says that men need to be appreciated for every! little! thing! they do, including picking up a piece of dirty laundry off the floor. They also need to be greeted enthusiastically at the door every evening like a hero returning from war.
  
  I'm not married or in a relationship at the moment, but if I end up with a man who needs this kind of validation, I think I will jump off a roof. Gray basically says that you can't expect a man to notice or acknowledge a woman's contributions to the relationship. Men are simplistic and egotistical, and if they have a job, that's proof enough that they love you because they are providing for you financially. How one-sided!
• 
  Gadis

  Buku ini banyak fokus kepada cara fahami lelaki dan perempuan lepaskan stres masing-masing. Ditekan kepada pasangan suami isteri dalam menangi stres rumah tangga. Dirincikan dengan bagaimana hormon lelaki dan perempuan terkait dalam hadapi stres. Sememangnya lelaki Marikh dan perempuan Venus ini unik jika saling memahami. Jika saling faham cara komunikasi maka pergaduhan dapat dielakkan.
  **
  Banyak sebenarnya maklumat diperoleh untuk saling memahami. Sebabkan buku ini bersepah sebut tentang  hormon testosteron dan oksitosin. Elok sekiranya fahami betul-betul istilah keduanya.
  **
  Buku ini banyak ajar apa lelaki kena buat dan perempuan kena buat. Apa yang kena elak dan patut buat. Ada diselitkan senario untuk lebih fahami. Lelaki cenderung menjadi 'Mr.Fix-it' saat perempuan meluahkan dengan memberi kata putus atau jalan penyelesaian manakala perempuan bertindak jadi Home Improvement yakni perempuan suka membantu dan lakukan bersama sedangkan lelaki tak suka. Jadi, buku ini ajar kenapa lelaki dan perempuan tak mampu hilangkan stres dengan cara tertentu dan salah faham berterusan antara jantina.
  **
  Lagi aku suka bila dibedah tentang anatomi pertengkaran. Sejujurnya biasa kita alami emosi perempuan satu masalah pada lelaki dan masalah perempuan pula bila fokus pada reaksi lelaki yang kadang acuh tak acuh. Semua ini banyak sangat berlaku perselisihan. Sebenarnya ada sebab masing-masing kadang kita tak arif.
  **
  Diajar juga cara nak elakkan pertengkaran dengan kaedah time-out. Siap dinyatakan waktu ini apa lelaki dan perempuan perlu lakukan. Aku tertarik juga dengan kaedah Perbualan Venus walau nampak berat sebelah tapi sebenarnya dari segi dalaman ianya satu 'pakatan menang-menang'. Kaedah inilah yang umum tak nak guna. Banyak maklumat kena hadam tapi seronok sebab baru tahu macam itu fikiran lelaki dan sebaliknya yang perempuan. Sepanjang baca tersengih  sendiri terasa macam kena dengan diri dan teringat ibu ayah kita punya keadaan yang normal pasangan selalu alami.
• 
  Foad Ansari

  میشد در 20 صفحه کتاب رو خلاصه کرد !
  نیازی به این همه آب بندی نبود
• 
  Madhulika Liddle

  I had read the blockbuster bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus so many years back that I’d pretty much forgotten it. Why Mars & Venus Collide, the ‘essential companion’ to that book was gifted to me (by a total stranger, not someone who knows of my relationship with my husband), and I approached it with some hesitation: I am not keen on self-help or self-improvement books.
  
  And yes, my fears, to some extent, proved well-founded.
  
  But, first, what the book is about. Basically, men and women may be the same species, but the way their brains and hormones work, they could pretty much be two completely unrelated species. Because men are testosterone machines, fuelled by testosterone and needing it to stay happy, while women run on oxytocin. The former increases as a result of challenges and problem-solving and some time-out for a man; the latter, for a woman, increases when she nurtures and cares for someone or something, when she is giving.
  
  This translates into crossed wires, which in today’s stressful lives and the changing roles of both men and women, means that there’s greater potential for bringing workplace stress (and other stresses) into a relationship, leading to fights and worse.
  
  Through this book, John Gray attempts to explain how all of this happens, what actions leads to what reactions, and what techniques to adopt to improve your relationship with your spouse or partner.
  
  First, what I liked: the core premise was interesting, and I could find myself relating to it on some level. It helped me look at myself and my husband in a new light, and to understand, in a scientific way, how we’re different.
  
  Sadly, there was much about Why Mars & Venus Collide that I just did not like.
  
  One, the endless repetition of things (even literally; in almost every second page, certain sentences are highlighted by being picked out of the text and repeated, verbatim—extremely annoying).
  
  Two, the irritating pushing of Gray’s other books, his website, and the various products he and his team offers. Yes, I know this is your book and that people whose relationships are in the doldrums might need further help, but that help can be offered more subtly, not in this bashing-over-the-head way.
  
  Three, the writing, which (contrary to the blurb on the back cover) is certainly not humorous, and sometimes slips into the boring (that repetition I mentioned earlier is a case in point). Also an example of the sometimes cringeworthy writing is the dialogue Gray suggests to build relationships, engage with a partner, etc: nearly all of these sounded so patently artificial, I’d never be able to bring myself to utter them.
  
  Four—and for me, this was the clincher, the biggest irritant of all—the stereotyping. Since I’m not a man, I won’t venture to pass judgement on Gray’s analysis of what men are like, but as a woman, I felt deeply offended by his pompous assumption that all women must adopt certain behaviours, must enjoy certain activities (shopping, attending PTA meetings, chatting on the phone, getting a manicure/pedicure/hair cut—all of which, by the way, stress me out), must react in such and such a way. I don’t like it being assumed that “a romantic comedy or chick flick do wonders to raise a woman’s oxytocin level” or that constantly telling a woman how beautiful she is is going to thrill her (certain women are mature enough to know that looks aren’t everything, and that there is a difference between genuine praise and insincere flattery). These are just a few examples: there’s plenty more that suggests Gray thinks all women are talkative, shallow, fashion-obsessed, child-obsessed airheads with no interest in anything a man might be interested in.
  
  If it hadn’t been for this irritating stereotyping, I might have given this book a higher rating. As it is, the one way I’d advise someone to read this is to skim through, reading only those helpfully highlighted sentences. You get the gist if it, and you don’t have to plod through the rest.
• 
  Sara Sherzad

  It took me so long to finish with this book but to be honest I didn't want it to finish at all because it certainly was an adventure for me and I loved every bit of it.
  
  Coming to the book it's obvious from it's title that it deals with Mars and Venus issues but totally brilliantly. Every word I read seemed real to me as a Venusian and as far as I have checked (with my husband) to a Martian as well. The author has mixed psychology with scientific facts with medical facts and that made a totally convincing recipe...
  
  Stress has really an enormous effect on all of us but we keep ignoring it, the author teaches us to stop ignoring and start coping and develop new strategies to deal with it.
  
  The two books I read so far from this Author's have planted in me one big principle that if I get out only with this it would be too satisfying which is that, most collisions between Mars and Venus is due to that both genders do not understand each other well because they don't know what a "Man" is and what a "Woman" is both in their psychological make up and their biological one.... Just understanding that solves 85% of the problems ( My estimation).
  
  Collisions are inevitable between people especially between couples since there is extra intimacy in the latter. But knowing how to deal with those collisions renews your love each time and makes the couple stronger than ever and deeply in love even at times of hardship. It teaches both couples to trust each other and respect each other in many thousand ways.
  
  Once there was a man who had a goose which laid golden eggs, he had to wait each day to get one golden egg, it was tiring to him and he got impatient,so he decided killing the goose to take all the golden eggs out, he found none!
  This is from the Seven habits book of Steven Covey's but I liked to put it here to add something which this book says between the lines but not out loud that: " Your goose is what's important to you because only it can give you golden eggs".... which means if you ever wanted to change anything in your spouse or wanted anything else from him/her don't forget that he/she as a person is more important than the result you want to get.... this way neither you would want to change your spouse nor you will try but I most certainly ensure you that you will get what you want from him/her. Keep your goose and care for it for the sake of the goose not for the sake of what you want!
  
  I can go on but I will just recommend it to all married couples but my advice is let it be after a period of your marriage ( like lets say 8 months to 1 year of marriage) to get the chance to have real collisions and then start analyzing ;) . As for myself I will continue read all the Mars and Venus series . Goodreads to you all ...
• 
  Ashley Mcphee

  While I found this book immensely helpful in understanding my partner better and learning to adjust my expectations, I also found the book to be slightly sexist.
  
  The author also makes frequent allusions to religion/spirituality and seeking out a therapist as important tools without acknowledging that for some people these are not options or priorities.
  
  The book makes many references to research about the brain, hormones, and evolution, which makes it seem very credible. I found the sections particularly heavy in these elements to be especially insightful.
  
  However, unless my partner were to read this book, which is doubtful, I am not sure how to go about using the information in cooperation with him.
  
  Sometimes I felt the author was a bit too optimistic. At no point does he mention when it is a good time to end a relationship. He seems to think that all problems short of abuse can be fixed.
  
  However, this is a useful text in heterosexual relationships (the author makes no reference to LGBTQ relationships, which was somewhat disturbing). The book gave me hope in many ways, and I feel capable of being a better partner now.
• 
  Virginia

  Even though the author made some interesting points, and a lot of the examples rang true, I was distracted by his condescending tone. I was also frustrated that the book was only geared toward female readers, which I felt was a somewhat insulting assumption of attitudinal responses to relationship stress. Overall, most of the onus is on women to adjust their behavior and I couldn’t help but be annoyed at this unequal gender split!
• 
  Donald

  I didn't get through this one, it blew chunks.
  
  Any time there are lists of stuff like '100 ways to increase her oxytossin' I tend to glaze over. But the idea of having a Venus conversation ended it for me.
  
  The pertinent information could have been delivered on one CD and still had room for a mini Ozz-fest...
• 
  Sally

  Pseudo-science raised to an art form. If there is any stereotypical behavior that can't be simplistically explained and justified by hormonal differences, it hasn't entered the author's darkest dreams.
• 
  Mohammed Esam

  احترت اديله 4/5 ولا 5/5 .. الكتاب رائع وعملي ومفيد جداً جداً ، والكتاب أكثر إمتاعاً وأقل تكراراً ومللاً من "الرجال من المريخ والنساء من الزهرة" .. لولا الفصل الأخير - العاشر - كان استحق ال 5 بجدارة
  
  عموماً هو من الكتب القليلة اللي ناوي أقرأه تاني وتالت إن شاء الله
• 
  Aya Hassan

  لا جديد تحت الشمس
  نفس محتوى كتاب الرجال من المريخ والنساء من الزهره ،بشروحات اطول وتفسيرات على اساس اختلاف الهرمونات
• 
  Sevda

  such a sexist book! there is nothing worth reading it!
• 
  Muhaimin Safaruddin

  Setelusnya, sukar sekali untuk saya menghabiskan pembacaan buku ini. Bukanlah disebabkan naskhah ini terlalu berat isi kandungannya, namun mungkin kerana saya belum biasa membaca buku perihal sains psikologi dan hubungan kemanusiaan.
  
  Buku ini hakikatnya banyak memberikan fokus perihal bagaimana mahu memperbaik hubungan suami isteri apabila masing-masing mengalami tekanan kehidupan.
  
  Namun sejujurnya, saya berupaya memperoleh banyak input tentang apa sebenarnya yang membezakan antara lelaki dengan wanita dari pelbagai sudut serta bagaimana mahu menghadapinya dengan baik, terutamanya apabila berhadapan dengan teman-teman yang berlainan jantina dalam gerak kerja, organisasi, persatuan, dan masyarakat.
  
  Pentingnya mengetahui perbezaan yang lahir sama ada dari sudut fizikal, mental, mahupun psikologi ini adalah supaya masing-masing dapat memahami dan menerima antara satu sama lain, tidak akan sesekali menyalahkan sesama sendiri, saling menyokong dan membantu, serta berhasil mengekalkan kebahagiaan.
  
  Tambah menarik, pengarang bukan bersembang kosong perihal perbezaan ini, bahkan disokong oleh beberapa fakta sains dan psikologi daripada pakar-pakar yang disebut nama dan jawatan mereka dalam bahagian pendahuluan naskhah ini.
• 
  Dima Nammouz

  لم يعجبني أسلوب الكاتب المليء بالتكرار و ذِكر ما هو واضح و من المسلّمات بالنسبة لأي شخص بالغ و عاقل (مع بعض الاستثناءات القليلة جداً لمعلومات وجدتها مثيرة للاهتمام أو مفيدة)
  الكتاب استهلاكي و ممل و كان بإمكان الكاتب إيصال نفس القدر من المعلومات بنصف عدد الصفحات.. في النهاية لم أشعر أني تعلمت منه ما يكفي لجعله يستحق الوقت الذي أمضيته عليه.
• 
  Bischr Nammouz

  رغم وجود أفكار مفيدة ضمن الكتاب إلا أن أسلوب الكاتب المطول والممل في طرح الأفكار وتكراره لها بشكل مبالغ فيه جعل الكتاب يفقدني قدرتي على اقتراحه لأي شخص كي يقرأه
• 
  Jaw

  MUST READ!
  
  The cover have explained its content approriately I must say. Just to make it clear, Mars in the title refers to men while Venus refers to women, therefore, the title itself is self-explanatory. Why do men and women fight? Its focus, romantic relationship between these two.
  
  It starts by explaining about different hormones that make men and women feel good. Different hormones ---> different needs = different train of thoughts = different ways to cope with stress. I don't know if the hormonal things is exactly true. To be honest, it's overly simplistic, but perhaps, adequate to explain the differences.
  
  The best part about this book is, it doesn't only state the different needs of men and women to feel good but it also explains on how to do it. How to make your partner happy. Better yet, I honestly think the tips are not only applicable to romantic relationships but also to your families and friends. Yay!
  
  I've tested a few tips on my not so romantic friends during this short period of time, I honestly think they work. Give me some more time to experiment and perhaps I shall write an extra notes when I'm ready? Deal.
  
  This book is different from many other motivational/self-help books I've read. I mean, have you tried reading any of them? Let me give you an example.
  
  E.g. How To Be Successful ; 1. Time Management ; Time is gold. A succesful person always know how to manage time. Many current leaders and of times long gone said their successes are mainly due to proper time management.... (Yada yada yada. They keep on blabbering about the importance of time management, etc etc but they never teach you how to properly manage your time. $+#?@-;#+)
  
  This book is different. The tips are practical, logical, easy to do and adjustable according to situations. More importantly, they seem to show immediate results. So, let's not blabber too much. You should really go and get this book.
• 
  مَودَّة

  قرأته ضمن نادي للقراءة بنسخة إلكترونية، وأول ما تبادر إلى ذهني وقت أنهيته:
  
  - لو أصبح هذا الكتاب وكتاب "النساء من الزهرة والرجال من المريخ" يدرس في الجامعات كمادة عامة !.
  
  - ولو أني كنت أُدَرس في الجامعة لكنت جعلته نشاطا لتحسين الدرجات.
  
  في الأخير وبالمختصر خرجت من هذا الكتاب بكمية مطمئنات علمية و بدهيات كثيرة في الحياة للتعامل مع الرجل والمرأة على حد سواء، شخصيا أختصرها إلى:
  
  - لابد من أن يستوعب كل شخص بأن الشخص الآخر مختلف جذريا عنه، ناهيك إن كان من الجنس الآخر.
  
  - كل شريك يحتاج منا بين فترة وأخرى أن نبين له قيمة ما يقوم به وبأهميته في حياتنا.
  
  - دائما وقت الخلافات يوجد ما هو أفضل للتعبير عنه (فكر مرة واثنين وثلاثة قبل تتكلم)، ولابد من أن نكون واضحين وصريحين في شرح المشكلة بعيدا عن العاطفة.
  
  - في حل المشكلات لابد من أن نبدي أنا مؤيدين للطرف الآخر أولا، من ثم البدء في شرح وجهة نظرنا. (مطمئنات لأجل أن تهدأ الأنفس)
  
  - لابد للرجل أن يفهم طريقة الإستماع لحديث المرأة، والذي لا يعرف لا بأس بأن تعلمه هيَ ( يا عيني لمن أتكلم معاك أو أفضفض لك لا تفضل تعطيني حلول، بس أسمع وحاول بين فترة والثانية تشاركني بمؤثرات صوتية منك🌝) أرتاح أنا وأنت.
  
  - لابد أن نبدأ بفهم أن الرجل إذا كان متضايقا أو كان تحت ضغط ما فهو لا يريد إزعاجا من أي أحد، ويبدأ عزل نفسه لفتره.
  
  - المشكل الأساس في العلاقات أنا بالفعل لسنا نعي تركيبة الشخص الذي أمامنا، وإذا ما حصل لابد حينها من إدراك أن الحياة معاونة ( أنا بتفهُمي للطرف الآخر أُعينه حتى يتفهمني هو بدوره)
  - ثم لابد من التيقن بأن التغيير للأفضل إذا ما بدأ من أحد الطرفين فهو أمر معدي ومصيره الانتقال للطرف الآخر.
  
  
  هو كتاب لابد من ألا تخلوا منه أي مكتبة منزلية، لابد أن يكون بجوار كتاب الأطباق المنزلية السريعة، ويعاد فتحه دوريا بإنتظام. إن لم تقرأه بعد فأسرع؛ لأن كل من يشاركوك هذه الحياة إما مريخيون وإما زهروات.
• 
  Ahmed M. Abed

  كعادة جون جراي في كتبه يقدم لنا في هذا الكتاب فهم أعمق ومفصل بشكل أكبر للعلاقة بين المريخ والزهرة، الكتاب من وجهة نظري يحتوي على كم كبير من المعلومات والمفاهيم والتوجيهات التي تفصل وتشرح العلاقة بين الجنسين.
  قراءة الكتاب لمرة واحدة لا تكفي، لأنه من المستحيل الإلمام بجميع الأفكار من مرة واحدة، خلال قراءة الكتاب ستجد أسباب العديد من الإختلافات والصدامات بين المريخ والزهرة، ستفهم طريقة تفكير الآخر وكيفية التعامل معه.
  
  لعل هذا الكتاب وكتاب الرجال من المريح والنساء من الزهرة من الكتب التي يجب أن تقرأ مرات عديدة وتطبق في حياتنا اليومية، ليس فقط مع الزوجة بل مع الزهرة بشكل عام.
• 
  Desislava

  I really enjoy John Gray. He is my favorite author and teacher on relationships. By learning the differences between men and women , it is so much easier to keep a healthy relationship. this book is about how men and women act differently to every day stress. I have most of his books and never been dissapointed. He is great.
• 
  Janet

  John Gray's books still hold lots of ideas about sex roles that I don't relate to, or am somewhat uncomfortable with, but this title seems to carry some scientific thoughts on the different ways that men and women handle stress that can lead to misunderstandings. But I'm guessing that no matter how many books I read about male-female relationships, they will continue to baffle me :-)
• 
  Katie

  This book is the best! I feel so much happier and less stressed!!! Jared has seen and benefitted from the dramatic lessons I've learned that are contained in this magic book :) I have a little bit left to go, but as soon as I'm done I think he will read it too.
• 
  Hesham ellayeh

  يعلمك الكتاب كيف أن استجابتنا للضغوط تختلف باختلاف نوعنا - فالذكور تختلف استجابتهم عن الاناث
  ويثبت الكاتب فرضيته بأدله علمية بين حين واخر وبأمثلة من الواقع في أحيان أخري
  يعلمك كيف تتجنب الجدال قبل أن يتطور الي شجار ثم الي معركة شعواء
  ستستفيد منه قطعا فالكاتب خبير في العلاقات
• 
  Mohamed Galal

  Un libro commerciale. Come tutti i best-sellers, non mi e piacciouto. Ci sono moltissime idee stereotipiche dei due sessi, come se fossero cose o tipi. E tedioso anche, il suo stile e repitetivo. Insomma, non perdete i l vostro tempo leggerlo.