Her Best-Kept Secret: Inside the Private Lives of Women Who Drink by Gabrielle Glaser

Her Best-Kept Secret: Inside the Private Lives of Women Who Drink Reviews

• 
  Jenny Sullivan

  Being a member of AA, I was very interested to read this book. I did enjoy much of the historical account of drinking, especially how it pertains to women. The marketing of wine to the American Housewife was hilarious. I see people posting about needing wine, or other booze, at the end of the day, to deal with kids, husbands, etc- and it is totally accepted. The fact that this author went to TEN meetings of AA is a ridiculously small amount to be writing about it as she did. 90 meetings in 90 days is what a newcomer is recommended to attend- and she attends TEN and writes a long book talking about how AA doesn't work for the vast majority of women. The 13 Stepping accounts she writes about are ridiculous as well. Women being told to sleep with older men for 'their sobriety'?? I don't think so. I have seen many people that use AA to find people to date- but that is such a small portion of the people going to meetings and not at all what AA is all about. The extremes she goes to- talking about how most people can learn to drink like regular people- and that only a very small part of the population need to abstain from drinking forever really infuriates me. I have lost many friends due to alcoholism. How anyone can write a book instructing women that they really could drink moderately- just try a few prescription medicines and it should not be a problem at all. Or recommending women with drinking problems to join a recovery program that starts you on Klonopin. I sincerely feel that this book will cause more harm than good. I have over five years of sobriety and even found myself a few times thinking 'wow- maybe I can drink again" However, drinking means pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization for me- and losing my family. I lost everything before I came to AA. This book is well researched as far as history is concerned- but as far as ACTUAL AA meetings and experience- she uses a few stories of really pitiful women (like the one that was talked into having sex with two members one night because she really trusted them..Bad AA people, bad! Seriously ??!!!)and does not even attend a small sample of meetings and generalizes everything. I hope a newcomer NEVER picks up this book!!! Talk about rationalizing! Terrible.
• 
  Naomi

  Read my full review:
  http://bit.ly/170BMeS
  
  My opinion: As a former addictions counselor who specialized in adolescent female addictions, I must be honest in stating that this is THE WORST book on special populations addictions I have ever read. It was much more of a 196 page drama central magazine article, AA bashing bonanza, and advertisement for an alternative treatment program, which in the way Ms. Glaser wrote about the program I had to wonder if she doesn't have an investment in the organization. The author totally by-passed other cognitive based treatment (support group) options.
  
  For those who aren't in the field and imply (or even out rightly state) that addictions counselors will have a hard time with the book because we all focus on the bashing of AA, please research before you write. AA is simply a tool in a counselor's tool bag to be utilized, along with other recovery/support programs out there, such as Rational Recovery as what is best fit for their client.
  
  The general population unfamiliar with books on this topic might enjoy taking this book as written. But this should not be accepted as a professional book. Even read by the general public, I wouldn't take it too seriously.
  
  Unlike another reviewer of this book, I would state that it was very obvious that Ms. Glaser went into this book with an agenda and fit her research to that agenda.
  
  Can I have the 1.5 hours it took to read this book back please?
• 
  Joy Matteson

  Ms. Glaser has done three years of research on the relationship between women and alcohol. She has interviewed multiple women for this book, and did extensive background research on Alcoholics Anonymous, and taken the time to gather many statistics on the effects of alcohol on women. I think many people know that alcohol can affect women much more quickly and detrimentally than men (which is unfair! Ugh.), but Ms. Glaser also tells you why this is the case.
  I can tell many people will not like this book because she has some pretty harsh critiques of A.A., and I know that thousands (millions?) of therapists and psychiatrists recommend A.A. unequivocally for alcohol dependency. Since I'm not a therapist nor an alcoholic, I would say I'm slightly less biased, but I found her research interesting. A.A. IS an old-school non-profit, historically not very welcome to women, and it is difficult to find statistics that are significant, since it's an anonymous group. All things that scientists and psychologists should be aware of.
  However--of course A.A. has meant so much to so many women and men across the world and helped them get sober. I've read countless stories attesting to that fact. And many of their ideals are extremely useful for those who see no way out of alcohol addiction. But there ARE other options, which Ms. Glaser outlines here.
  
  All in all, I found this to be a fascinating look into the world of female alcohol dependency, and it did make me feel just a little bit relieved that those of us women who drink 'moderately' do not have a large increased risk of breast cancer.
• 
  Laura K.

  I love books about women who drink too much because I used to be one myself. I went through a 12-step program and agree with the author that they don't always address the unique needs of women and the rooms can be unsafe and rife with predators.
  
  What made this book a dud for me is the fact the author has never had a drinking problem. Alcoholism is not about the drinking and this statement is something only someone with a former drinking problem will understand.
  
  The idea of abstaining for one month as one alternative to the 12-step model prescribes and then going back to moderate drinking for two months (Back! Most alcoholics have never known moderate drinking) is absurd. I abstained for months at a time but without addressing my problems it meant nothing.
  
  Drinking for alcoholics is a coping mechanism for unresolved trauma, for women usually sexual abuse. The author acknowledges this fact and yet espouses programs that do nothing to address that trauma. This disconnect was laughable to me and made me believe she was being had by problem drinkers who would do/say anything to avoid giving up alcohol. And the experts who make a ton of money enabling them.
• 
  Intplibrarian

  This is a great book for an introduction. In other words, it does NOT get heavily into the science and the studies it references. You'll have to do that on your own if you want more detail, but unlike at least half of addictions books it DOES include those evidence-based references.
  
  I've seen other reviews upset that the author "bashed" AA. Honestly, I don't think she did... she merely explained why some people don't find that the ideal solution AND explained, with citations, why. She never says it can't work for anyone, nor that it can't work for any women.
  
  She does point out that a lot of addictions counselors in the U.S. aren't adequately educated, professionally, other than having overcome and addition themselves, and that is simply TRUE. If I had an addiction, I think I'd prefer both -- someone who knew what I was going through AND someone who knew the science of medicine. They don't need to be the same person.
  
  I give it four stars for being so unique in what's available out there. But I have to emphasize the need to actually look up the references cited to get a better understanding of what's claimed in the book.
  
  The entire topic is a hot one. Lots of very strong feelings about it, which, ironically, the author addresses. So, take the super-enthusiastic reviews, positive or negative, with a grain of salt.
  
  FWIW, my personal background is in medical librarianship (hence, the strong reliance on evidence-based research) and newly in the area of psychology librarianship. I can't claim to be completely un-biased (who can?) but I strive to be. I think it's worth a read whether you're a die-hard AA fan or not.
• 
  Cara Fox

  Came across this book and thought it would be an interesting read after a series of joking conversations with other mom friends about how we drink so much more since we became moms, or (for those of us who work) drink so much more on the days we are home with our kids. This was a quick and interesting read, although not what I expected going into it. It was a pretty thoroughly researched account of the history of alcohol and women - how attitudes and perceptions of women who drink have changed over time. There was a pretty extensive rant on the foibles of AA. And then also a diatribe that attempts to pin increased drinking of modern day women (specifically upper middle class) on (partially) the fact that we are raising overprivileged, overscheduled families. It explores, briefly, how so many educated, ambitious women have left their careers to stay home with children to enable this process and find themselves drinking more (out of boredom? dissatisfaction? too much time and money on their hands?).
  
  Overall it was an interesting read, but I found it unsatisfying because it never really tied everything up in a neat little package. It was a lot of exploring different themes, without a lot of resolution. Still worth a read and food for thought, though.
• 
  Terri

  This is an interesting study of how we treat alcoholism and women in this country. Women are drinking more than ever.That's good news/bad news. Good news is that women drink because they can, it's more socially acceptable, a good thing. Bad news is that their bodies can't handle it and out of control drinking is on the rise. The author makes the point that men's recovery (AA model) doesn't always work for women. Women are different from men, doh. 12 step approaches may not work.
  There is a large critique of AA in this book that really got me thinking. AA is sort of like Weight Watchers - everyone assumes it's working but there are no numbers to substantiate. That's my analogy, not the author's, and it doesn't really hold. There have been plenty of studies to show that WW doesn't work. AA successes are really hard to quantify. What I didn't realize is that AA's prevalence is due to great PR and lobbying, not scientific methods and/or studies. AA is also a tough place for women as sexual predators use it. What better place to find women who are vulnerable. Bastards.
  Lots of food for thought.
• 
  Gail

  I love books that push my envelope. Never questioning judges, courts, treatment advertisements; I thought faith based 12 step programs were the only options an abuser of alcohol had to find and maintain sobriety. Having to create some kind of higher power and give up oneself to that higher power was counterintuitive. Because of Glazer's impeccable research, a new world of recovery has become available to those living this nightmare all the while blaming themselves and suffering the guilt of being unable to find this elusive higher power. Glazer has brought to light a serious option to those suffering the ravages of alcohol addiction. Hopefully, those in the medical research will get on with pursuing an effective medical solution.
• 
  Liz Shine

  A smart, open-minded analysis of the psychology and history behind women and alcohol consumption in the United States. I found Glaser's approach informative and refreshing. Though I consider myself educated and informed, I have never come across a smart look at alcohol. I've always felt that the story we tell ourselves as a society about alcohol is too emotional, isolating and damning to many. A well-researched, thought-provoking book that raises important questions about the status quo.
  
• 
  Amy

  AA isn't for everyone, but it works for a lot of people--including a lot of women (one of them being me). Also, it's everywhere, and unlike Glaser's pricey "Twenty-First Century treatment," it's absolutely free. More about the book and the issue in my piece for the Atlantic:
  
  
  http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/arch...
  
• 
  Mandy

  This book provided a lot of interesting statistics and discussion on how women are taking on more and more responsibilities with little help and are deeply stressed out, hence leading to a rapid increase in alcohol consumption. Also discussed was the massive amount of hugely successful marketing done by alcohol producers towards women to draw them in. A somewhat surprising and interesting read.
• 
  Kim Cotton

  Oooph. Super boring. Skip it. Read sober diaries and the naked mind. Those are way more interesting and helpful. This was really slow, boring and not helpful.
• 
  Alexandria

  Alcoholism runs in my family. I've seen it take down more than a few of my relatives so, naturally, I was interested in what this book had to offer. And while I loved the book for what it was, I cannot in all good faith rate it at five stars because it is not what it promised.
  
  What It Promised
  This book's title bills it as a deep look at why women drink and a subsequent way that they can regain control. Now I'm not a drinker. I rarely imbibe anything mind or mood altering aside from my daily caffeine boost. So I was interested to see what the studies billed as the reason so any women drink.
  
  But even after listening to the entire audiobook, I'm still not sure why women drink except, perhaps, that we are a male-dominated society while the majority of the daily work and stress falls on the women. But it's never made particularly clear.
  
  And I'm not quite sure what, exactly, women can do to regain control if they DO drink too much.
  
  
  While it may not give a concrete plan on how to regain control once a woman begins to drink too much, this book is very clear on how not to regain control: A.A
  
  The author is very clear that it might help some women, but study after study have shown that A.A's premise that you are powerless in the face of your addiction is the exact opposite of what women need to help regain control. And then, most dangerous and damning of all, is the issue of "the 13th step".
  
  I didn't come away from this book with a great idea of why women drink or how exactly to stop, but I do have a better grasp of the history of American women and alcohol, as well as the feeling that should I ever need treatment, A.A. is not the place to get it.
  
  And I'm honestly grateful to know that.
• 
  Kiki

  Initially I expected this book to be judgmental of women who drink, but on the contrary it was a very insightful examination on exactly that cultural bias. From the early advertisements to sell wine to women to the unwelcoming response they receive when seeking help, Her Best-Kept Secret covered the full range of the female perspective on alcohol consumption and abuse. As a woman who chooses to imbibe responsibly and in moderation, I was both shocked and fascinated by the reported indiscretions committed towards women seeking rehabilitation by the male-oriented Alcoholics Anonymous system. I appreciated the author's insight into both why women drink and how what they get out of drinking varies from the male experience. Also, the picture of Lucille Ball pushing a "wine and soda" is priceless. Disgusting, but not to be missed. An engaging read.
• 
  Dale Stonehouse

  This is a very important book as a stepping stone to fully exposing 12-step programs for what they have always been - an attempt to restore addicted people to making a contribution to a growing economy. More than that, it exposes the shabby treatment women receive too often in AA groups, up to and including sexual abuse and rape. Even absent this evidence, the traditional approach to substance abuse has never worked for those for whom trauma in childhood or as adults is the root cause and the addiction merely a coping strategy. In particular, no amount of flawed logic can make the jump into saying alcohol intake causes PTSD, DID, or BPD. It is and has always been the other way around. To say that coping with trauma is a disease would defy all human sensibility, and no amount of rigid thinking can get around that obstacle.
• 
  Olderworker

  Not a well written book. The author cites a lot of anecdotal evidence that women are drinking more, e.g. mentions that her friends, all of whom seem to be upper middle class Caucasian women, drink so much Chardonnay that they have to discard the bottles secretly.
  Then, she denigrates AA, saying that too many men in the program take sexual advantage of new female members -- possibly true, but why not simply suggest AA groups specifically for women? Such groups do exist. Also, she recommends some pricey psychotherapists in California by name, rather than listing a bunch of similar programs, as alternatives to AA.
  
  Too biased a book for my taste.
• 
  Tara Hun-Dorris

  This is a short, easy read. I like the author's general question of why we don't treat addiction with evidence-based approaches as we do other chronic diseases. However, I do not trust her use of numbers/data, and the research probably could have been more in-depth.
• 
  Rosie Hanneke

  My attention waned toward later chapters and the (in my opinion) too-long discussion of A.A., but well done.
• 
  Jan Bedol

  There's a dearth of hard data about women and alcohol, but Glaser marshalls what is out there to make a few points:
  1. In general, women's cognitive/emotional response to alcohol is different from men's.
  2. Alcoholics Anonymous (Glaser gives an illuminating dissection of the history and functioning of AA) may not serve women as the sole cure it purports to be.
  3. Modern medicine offers several other routes for women (and men) to achieve control over their alcohol intake, well supported by empirical studies.
  I came across this book after reading an article in The Atlantic by the author. The article addressed the skimpy, questionable evidence of the efficacy of AA for most who try it. It also describes modern, science-based alternative treatments for excessive drinking. The book expands on the article.
  https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/.... Worth a read.
  
  I withheld one star because I disagree with the author's emphasis on the stresses women face in current culture (work/family balance) as the primary basis of the increase in alcohol abuse by women. Women and men have always faces stress, whether ploughing the field and praying for a good crop, burying a child lost to childhood disease, or facing housewives' isolation in the suburbs. A drink or two is simply judged less harshly since mid-century compared to earlier times. That aside, Glaser's exploration of the several alternates to the hegemonic AA approach is worthy of serious consideration.
• 
  Maggie Baisley

  Interesting summary of AA’s predominance in the field of substance use treatment. Kind of boring for the first few chapters, but really hit its stride in the second half of the book. Even though, as other reviewers stated, AA isn’t therapists’ only tool, it’s unclear why it remains a common tool given that it has no actual research backing and might serve to exacerbate shame in participants. The culture and fragility around AA seems problematic, and Glaser digs into the problem. Other reviewers have cited issues with her summary of the science and organizations. I don’t think this book is a scientific account of women’s drinking. It’s clearly slanted and rife with her own upper middle class perspective. It is however a political/historical account that deflates respect for AA and other male-generated approaches. That said, other alternatives like CBT and more structured therapies, are also mostly created by men and follow a patriarchal logic. The industry of clinical research and our current scientific model reveals many limitations as well. Regardless of the gaps, I appreciated her perspective and the writing.
• 
  Westyn

  This was an incredibly detailed deep dive into the history of alcoholism in our country, the expectations put upon women and their reactions to them, and society's judgment of something nearly all of us have participated in. It's written by a woman who clearly has been a journalist for a long time.
  
  I like facts and data. They shift something into place more contextually than just personal accounts, especially when it comes to topics like this. I underlined so many parts of this book and found myself slipping what I'd read into conversations with others. So much info!!! I loved it.
  
  I quit drinking a year and two months ago, and have participated in, and enjoyed, AA. That said, I was incredibly intrigued and grateful to read the parts about the history of AA, its obstacles and even co-founder Bill W's surprising journey after he quit drinking. Some of the biases I'd been swirling around with the program became much more obvious after reading this. The past 14 months have brought me so much clarity, and this book is an instrumental part of that process.
  
  Definitely recommend.
• 
  Josiane Stratis

  Vraiment intéressant. Ça faisait longtemps qu'il était sur ma liste vu que j'ai souvent fait des mois sans alcool et que je ne bois plus parce que je prends des médicaments contre la dépression depuis presque 2 ans. Je pense que c'est important de regarder la relation des femmes avec l'alcool. C'est pas la première fois que j'en parle mettons. Pas que je m'intéresse pas à celle des hommes mais bien parce que c'est intéressant d'avoir un regard critique surtout quand on mélange alcool et maternité. Venant d'une famille avec beaucoup de personnes qui ont des troubles de consommations, la seule chose qui manque - pis je suis consciente que ça été écrit en 2012 parce que publié en 2013 - c'est la relation entre les traumas et la consommation d'alcool.
  
  À lire aussi, les commentaires des gens frus de leur lecture du livre qui sont vraiment rigolo et de très bonnes illustrations des gens avec leur relation avec l'alcool.
  
  Si toute les personnes mettaient autant d'énergie à comprendre leur relation avec l'alcool qu'à défendre telle ou telle méthode ou le fait qu'ils ont pas de problème ça avancerait plus notre réflexion quant à ça.
• 
  Olga

  This book doesn't take into consideration other socio economic statuses other than than the author's own (white, upper-middle-class), but it don't blame it. It's a very 2013 book. Harm reduction was a new term back then.
  
  That said, it provided excellent context for the history of 13 stepping in the AA model, and resources for other places to seek help that don't rely on a male-centric ego death path. There's nothing wrong with a little ego death, but I think we can all agree that women do enough minimizing of their own egos, and the reasons women drink are more nuanced than that.
  
  Regardless, this was a good place to start my research!
• 
  Sandee Heighton

  It wasn't what I expected, but I was intrigued and reflective about the history of women, AA groups, the new approach to alcohol and the people that drink. I didn't start drinking weekly until my daughter died 20 years ago. I am at a point in my life where I am pursue everything that is healthy, mind, body, and soul. So, this book caught my eye and didn't disappoint. It has given me a lot to think about and has changed my mind towards some prejudices I have had, which is always a good thing!
• 
  Sage

  I didn’t enjoy this book as much as Gabrielle’s most recent book, American Baby. That being said, it was really fascinating. Especially as a young woman whose drinking had a sharp uptick during the pandemic.
  
  The social stigma around drinking, but the conflicting societal pressure *to* drink is just...wild. I didn’t love the chapters on AA. It just seemed a little out of place and also...not sure, it was just a little uncomfy. Overall an okay read, and a quick audiobook (and great historical context!) but eh.
• 
  Karla

  Explores the controversial but valid and accurate view that 1) AA isn't for everyone and can actually be quite harmful and 2) Naltrexone is a low-cost, highly effective medication that effectively "cures" the craving for alcohol and the desire for the dopamine "hit" that drinking provides. Excellent must-read for those who have an alcoholic in their lives, current or future mental health professionals, and those who work in healthcare.