One in Every Crowd by Ivan E. Coyote

One in Every Crowd Reviews

• 
  Q

  Am I just a bit of a grump right now? I seem to be giving a lot of 2 and 3 star ratings. To be fair, I didn't realise when I bought this that it was intended for a young adult audience. But maybe it reads better if you don't know this.
  
  The theme is anti-bullying, and I probably wouldn't have bought the book if I'd noticed this. Obviously I oppose bullying. But as a kind of tired/bored/grumpy 25 year old, I'm finding Coyote really didactic here, patronising even. As a very cynical, very idealistic, vain and precocious 15 year old, I would have been like, who is this 43-year-old butch who thinks baby queers are just so precious?
  
  The stories that don't feature such a heavy-handed anti-bullying message are a lot stronger - stories about Coyote's family, friends and lovers that are frank and romantic, with an easy charm. In the stories of her childhood Coyote comes across as a brave and somewhat reckless scamp who you sort of want to protect (without her noticing too much, of course). That's probably more of an anti-bullying message than all the anti-bullying messages.
• 
  Adrien

  I will always love Coyote, but this book in particular is the one I wish had existed ten, or hell, twenty years ago so I could have read it then.
  
  Reading Ivan's work is always like finding a friend you didn't know you were missing in your life.
• 
  Me-Connie

  Surprise, surprise.
  
  The entire part of the rating is more or less because this book is not my cup of tea in so many ways. I would not have even given the book a second glance, let alone read it if it wasn't on the White Pine nominees this year.
  
  The rating has nothing to do with the author's writing, just how this style always rubs my the wrong way.
  
  So this book reads as a non-fiction novel, a collection of people that the author has met over their lives. They feel that all of these people have an empowering messages, and really are special gems. Stories that are supposed to sympathize with the reader. Yet, I looked at the copyright page of the book and it says that all these stories bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead. The author has written the entire book as if they are speaking to you, and telling you a true story so that if you are at risk you can have these pieces to hold on to.
  
  But not a single one is a true story.
  
  I understand that people want to write for LGBT+ youth, and tell them that there are others out there like them, since the authors themselves normally did not have such resources when they were bullied themselves. But to tell a reader of all these true people, and say that they're figments of an imagination, while they were written as true people-I just don't like it.
  
  I am not a fan of this genre in itself, I find the lack of action very boring personally. I understand that some people need it, but I just cannot appreciate the genre.
  
  Also, I have never liked a collection of short stories. I always have trouble with them because there's no overlying plot arc and I cannot often find a point to the collection. Just something about me and short stories.
  
  Something that also weighs out this genre. I was bullied, I have no idea why. I knew there were other bullied children out there, I knew bullying was wrong, I knew what to do if I ever had the courage to take those steps. But none of this actually personally helped me. I don't know if these kinds of stories would have an impact on LGBT+ youth. I sort of feel that the author was pushing that they personally had a big impact, instead of us just seeing that.
  
  There were a few good things about this novel. I do agree that our education system sucks for bullying. Bullying is always made to be bad and never to do it, along with cyber bullying but there are topics never discussed. To learn about abuse you have to take an elective, which many people don't take. There's nothing on LGBT+ at all, we were introduced to it when a wonderful teacher must have heard some name calling and explained it to us politely and firmly. There's nothing about depression or self-harm, other than the 'Please call KidsHelp Phone'.
  
  It's just the kind of book this is, it does several of my pet peeves as part of its chosen style.
• 
  félon

  Really good, tbh. I picked this up years ago and couldn't get into it, so I thought I'd try again eventually, and I finally just did. While reading the introduction I had a bad feeling I wouldn't like the rest, I don't really know why, but the more I read it, the more I liked it. A lot of it really hit close to home, too.
  
  One thing I can't really seem to figure out is if the stories are fact or fiction. A lot of them definitely read as true to me, and the book is presented as a sort of memoir, but there's the note on the copyright page about it being a work of fiction. I don't know if maybe some of the stories are based on real events or embellished or whatever, I don't know. But I went into it with that in mind, and the book struck a chord with me regardless.
  
  Tentatively shelving as non-fiction and memoir.
• 
  Carolyn

  Many of my favourite stories from other collections by Ivan Coyote collected together for a younger audience. It was great revisiting some of the ones I remember most fondly and some that I think were be new to me! Thoroughly recommend anything they write, I love Ivan.
• 
  Zoom

  Another terrific book by Ivan Coyote. This is her first book aimed at young people, but you don't have to be young to love it. It's a collection of stories drawn from her life, about growing up, about fitting in or not fitting in, about fairness and courage and bullying and standing up to bullies, about pain and loneliness and falling in love, and mostly about accepting and honouring our own and other peoples' differences.
  
  Ivan devotes a lot of time and passion to helping queer and genderqueer kids survive school. She goes into schools and tells stories, and just puts herself out there as a role model and an ally. Someone who gets it and cares and is rooting for the underdogs and scapegoats and misunderstood kids. She doesn't lecture or moralize, she just tells stories. She has a wicked sense of humour, which provides some much-needed relief when she's telling you a story that will break your heart.
  
  If you ever get a chance to see her in person, I highly recommend you go. She is a storyteller of the highest caliber - you'll laugh, you'll cry, and even if you already get it, you'll probably learn something new.
  
  I would love to see this book given to every kid in Canada age 12 or over.
• 
  Marika

  I continue to adore Ivan E. Coyote's wonderful books. They are a fantastic story teller. One in Every Crowd is a collection of touching tales to which every trans or gender non-conforming youth or adult is certain to find ways to relate to. Yet, this book goes so much further than discussing gender and sexuality. Ultimately, it is about who were are and how we connect with others like us. Especially how those of us who do not fit in can connect with someone who is "the same kind of different." I plan on including this book in my classroom library for every secondary school I teach in.
• 
  Janet

  I (heart) Ivan. This should be required reading for all outsiders. Maybe buy one for our teen collection, Carla A?
• 
  Janet Bristeir

  Great writer
• 
  joanne

  some stories did more for me than others but overall a delight + ivan is an excellent storyteller
• 
  Arlie

  One in Every Crowd is a book I wish I'd had as a kid and teen and one I'm grateful to have had the chance to read as an adult. Ivan writes relatable stories that normalize the feelings and experiences of tomboy gender-nonconforming queer humans like me. There are so many small everyday moments from washrooms, to deciding whether or not to correct someone's pronoun or gender assumptions about me, to evaluating safety, to finding love, to having so much hope for the next generation that all ring is so true and relevant and unavoidable and painfully accurate. Already in the last seven years since its publication, I can see how things have gotten easier and more normalized in my life in Canada, even when it's still so dangerous and getting worse and harder for trans folks in the US right now. I know my privilege and I'm grateful for it everyday. It makes me proud and happy and hopeful that Ivan has so beautifully remarks on these things using got privilege for good. I cried so many times. I feel seen and accepted and real and valid. Thank you for writing this.
  
  I have two favourite quotes I'll share below.
  
  "All day, I had been searching for signs that things we're different than they were when I was in school that things were getting easier for queer kids, that we really had come a long way, baby. I had overlooked the most obvious sign. Of course things were changing. I was here wasn't I?" page 151
  
  "I have always felt this way about gender pronouns, that 'she' pinches a little and 'he' slips off me too easily. I'm often asked by well-intentioned people which pronoun I prefer, and I always say the same thing, that I really don't have a preference, that neither pronoun really fits, but thank you for asking, all the same. Then I tell them they can call it like they see it, or mix it up a little if they wish. Or, they can try to avoid using he or she altogether. I suggest this even though I am fully aware of the fact it is almost impossible to talk about anything other than yourself or inanimate objects without using a gender-specific pronoun." page 206
• 
  Pamela

  Ivan meets all types of unlikely individuals when performing. Hree is what it means to him/her:
  "Then he shook my hand and was gone. I've never forgotten him, and I imagine him standing behind me whenever I find myself scared of the next story I am about to tell, or afraid of the people I'm about to tell it to."
  
  Oh yes... here it is the best one yet. This made me cry.... Well done, Ivan....Coyote shares a lot about anxiety when speaking/performing at high schools. But here's what makes it all worth while:
  "That night we both received MySpace messages from the girl with the purple brush-cut who sat in the front row during the afternoon set. She was smiling in her picture, her cheek pressed up against her girlfriend, who had orange hair and a nose ring. She was just writing to tell us how much she loved our show; that it was the best thing her school had ever seen. I clicked on her profile. It said she was sixteen, a lesbian, and an aspiring writer."
  
  There are a lot of good stories about gay youth in this book, and Coyote does great work. This one is stunning, which takes place when s/he is at a high school doing a speaking engagement:
  "Somewhere between classes I relaxed a bit and started to have fun. Sure, there were a couple of kids slouched along one side of the classroom at the back of the room who already could grow sideburns and snickered and rolled their eyes the whole time, but for the most part they were interested, and engaged. I kept telling myself that I wasn't there to change the mind of the beefy guy in the back with the almost full goatee. I was there for the kid I couldn't see yet, the kid who was seeing me for the first time. The kid who walked the edges of the hallways, one hand trailing the lockers and the walls, hoping they won't be waiting for him at the bus stop today. The kid who hides his Muscle and Fitness magazines behind a ceiling tile in his closet, when his brothers can read them openly because they are not like him. For the girl who doesn't know yet but her parents do. That was who I was there for."
  
  Ivan's grandmother has been writing journals all her life, and as she gets old, she shares them with her granddaughter (or is it son?):
  "She has been going back through her old journals, editing them and typing them up. Her vignettes, as she calls them. She has been sending me envelopes, sometimes containing carefully folded, ten-page-long stories handwritten in her sloping but still solid script, sometimes typewritten in all capital letters, with capital Xs crossing out mistakes, and corrections made in blue pen in the margins. Most are untitled, with just that day's date in the upper right hand corner. I read and re-read them; they are full of old stories, confessions, and advice. Lately her musings have grown somewhat more poignant, more emotional, full of regrets.
  'What I bitterly regret are the things I didn't say, and the questions I didn't ask,' she writes. 'I have dreams now, and I dream of the past. I am not old. I'm not an old lady. I am young, vibrant, full of life. I'm like that in all my dreams. So I enjoy my dreams."
  
  What memory do I have? What advice did I get?:
  "I woke up early the next morning, dry-mouthed and blurry. I pulled a clean shirt and a different tie out of my suitcase and was amazed when my fingers remembered what tying a perfect double Windsor knot felt like. I don't remember who taught me the wrong way to tie a tie, but I know for sure it wasn't my dad. He never wears neckties. He taught me how to tie a boat to a dock, and a fishhook to a line. How to tie double bows in your bootlaces so they never come undone halfway down a ladder or get caught up in a conveyor belt or a lawnmower blade and end up costing you a toe. My father is a wise man. He taught me all the important knots. The double Windsor I learned from a Wise guy."
  
  So many great books to read, and all of it fodder for my writing, which will come, which will come. I feel it pushing out the edges of my conscious and subconscious life. It will come and it will be what it is. Here is the start of this book, which is simple, mostly snapshots, vignettes, stories from her life, but it's got so much heart. In a future letter to her past self in the introduction (and good advice to me too; it's advice we all deserve, especially those of us with heart, those of us who are different, those of us who need it):
  "I can't do it all over, but I can pass on some of what I have learned to you. So, to sum it all up, here it is again: Make art. Write stories. Don't pay any attention to the haters. Most of them will grow up to be adult haters, too, and they will not leave anything behind but a bad taste in your mouth as their legacy. You are capable of great things, and beautiful things, and you need to be strong. Please, don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't sing, or dance, or do math or play the drums or hockey or be a full-time working writer. You can and will one day grow up to be a writer who plays the drums while dancing and singing and counting, all at the same time.
  School sucks sometimes. This is the plain truth of it. Parts of school, just like parts of society, are meant to train you to conform, to make you afraid to be anything else but just like everybody else. But look around. Kindness and compassion will reward you with so much more than your fear or apathy will. Trust your heart, it is a lot smarter than you know. Find out what moves you, and be it. Be brave. Be fearless. Be fabulous. Make me proud of us. I know you can do it. I am living proof that you can be anything you dream and work and fight to be. I wish someone had given me these words when I was still you, but they did not. So I am giving them to you now. What you do with them is, of course, completely up to you."
• 
  Joseph Jeffery

  Having had the pleasure of seeing Ivan talk live, the rhythm and the cadence Ivan gives to a story was very much apparent in the writing. Each short story helped paint a picture. Some sad, some happy. Some of Ivan, some of friends, some of family.
  
  I know students who are like Francis was when he was little, I hope they don't change and conform to the way the world wants them to. It also reminds me how lucky I am to have worked for 6 years in a school that would take those things and nuture them rather than try and make a child conform to strict gender roles.
  
  Times have changed and hearing how different someone grew up even a decade and a half before I did, and now to see students a decade and a half later growing up, I know we are heading toward a better place. It's slow, but things are getting better.
• 
  Niki

  I tried reading One in Every Crowd a couple times in the past few months and it didn't catch, but when I came back to it this time, I really enjoyed it and wondered why I had so many false starts. Ivan Coyote has assembled a collection of short stories, directed at youth, to empower, normalize, and remind readers of all of our shared humanity.
  
  However, I am confused if this is a work of fiction or not. It reads like non-fiction, memoir-style snippets of Coyote's life, even having some character names line up with the book's dedication. However, on the copyright page, it notes that it is fiction and any resemblance to people is coincidental. ... I preferred to think it was non-fiction.
  
  I'm waffling between 3-4 star review, but think I have to land on 3+. (Largely because of the fiction/non-fiction aspect)
• 
  Leah

  Ivan Coyote is a master of the short story, crafting family stories, lively characters from life, and stories that really touch the heartstrings.
  
  I finished this book all in one sitting, because I simply couldn't stop. One short story would finish and I'd think "just one more" and I'd never stop. I was so incredibly sad when it was over.
  
  Not only were Ivan's stories about family and history some of the most entertaining and hilarious I've read, I also heavily related to Ivan during each and every story about meeting other queer and gender-nonconformant kids. It was a breath of fresh air to realize that there are older queers out there, who survived, who are living their best lives, and are having hope in our future generations.
  
  This is definitely a must read for LGBTQ people everywhere; Ivan's writing is both charming and witty, and the story of hope that's deeply intwined into each story is one that I think we all need to hear.
• 
  zachary

  This was both hilarious and heart-breaking; often at the same time. I especially enjoyed the bits about Ivan as a child. It's clearly a mix of fiction and non-fiction but I really liked the quite personal bits included; but especially the way they wrote their family and friends.
  
  My only criticism was that it felt a little off the way they instantly assumed their friend's son was queer in one way or another. He most likely was, but rather than going yeah, he might be it became yeah, he is. It's mostly a technically, I guess, but you can allow a kid to be themselves as well as try to find similar-minded people, but don't label the kid before the kid tells you who they are themselves.
• 
  Leah

  Two fabulous Vancouver butches introduced me to Ivan Coyote's work years ago. They taught me about living w/ grace, compassion, and kindness. My heart thumped as I read these stories, remembering our high school years. When I finished Tomboy Survival Guide, I immediately downloaded this ebook b/c the storytelling was so compelling, I didn't want it to be done. There is some overlap between these two books, but I didn't mind a bit.
• 
  Leanne

  I read this all in one go, in a couple of different pubs and cafes, so first I would like to say: "Shut up! No, YOU'RE crying!" to anyone who happened to see me. Coyote's stories are about misfits and outsiders, they're all told with a deep compassion for people struggling to find their place and their voices. I'm trying to soak up as many of these books as possible before the author comes to do an event in my city (huzzah!).
• 
  Alexis Armit

  At first, the stories seemed just that, stories. About halfway through the book I began to feel the pain, the caring and the love. This book felt like a warm, sturdy hug that many of my students should experience, to remind them that they are not alone. I’d love for Ivan to visit my students and the teachers to share these stories too!
• 
  Jane Mulkewich

  Another great collection of stories by Ivan Coyote... who inspires me to write my own such stories which is the mark of a master storyteller, for me. It was a great choice to read this book on a plane flight today, as it is somewhat light reading but also very compelling.
• 
  Piper Mejia

  A must read for young people ... the author is a wonderful story teller.
• 
  Tracey

  memoir/teen lgbqa-inclusive short stories. I am new to Ivan's stories, but loved these! I wish every kid who's ever felt alone could read it.
• 
  Shakeera

  Amazing. It brought attention to the trans community and made me think about my previous words/actions 🙂
• 
  Eryne

  Every teen (and their parents) should read this, especially the instructions for proper use of large tires.
• 
  Mary

  esp enjoyed the section on attempts to educate people, esp
  - pronouns and
  - bathrooms.
• 
  Adrienne

  I love Ivan's storytelling. Great stories, I look forward to reading more of Ivan's books.
• 
  aleighsha (taylor's version)

  2.5