Friendships: The Aspie Way by Wendy Lawson

Friendships: The Aspie Way Reviews

• 
  Aiyana

  At first, I was a bit thrown off by this book. It is not very well organized, sometimes repeats itself, and uses occasional cringe-worthy terminology like "differ-ability." But this book is ultimately very useful.
  
  From an autistic/Asperger's perspective, Lawson lays out the unspoken social rules behind friendships, providing insight and many strategies to address the difficult and confusing aspects of maintaining relationships. Interspersed with the main text are graphics, poems, inspirational personal stories, and quotes from many of the author's friends.
  
  Lawson discusses a number of topics, including how to be considerate of others' emotions, when and why to follow social rules like thanking someone for an unwanted gift, self-care, how to tell when someone is trying to take advantage of you, and many other issues that tend to confuse people on the autism spectrum. She helps autistic people understand what to expect of neurotypicals, and suggests ways in which they can make their own needs understood by NT friends.
  
  Quotes:
  
  Introduction: "...as a child... The concept that other people were separate from me was not a consideration. If I thought a thought, I believed others would know what I was thinking. Therefore, they must have known what I needed. Failure to meet my nees resulted in my feeling angry, hurt, and unimportant." p 13
  
  "...[neuro]typical individuals can process information and be actively engaged in a number of events simultaneously. It's often not a problem for them to think and feel at the same time. In friendships, they employ these activities on a regular basis. They chat, walk, process, eat and modify their behavior all at once!" p 15
  
  "I also like 'doing things' with friends, things like going for a walk or a movie, because doing these things alone provides only half the value -- the other half comes in talking about the experience and the feelings and having them listened to and commented on by another." p 69
  
  "You see, our feelings are very strong and at times they can capture out thinking and dominate it. This can be a useful thing, but it can also be misleading. Learning to challenge our thinking and not be ruled by our feelings can take a bit of work; but if we manage it, then we are less likely to be slaves to our feelings and thought processes." p 75
  
  "Like so many of us, I grew up believing that I was a dud, a person of little value to society because of my inability to learn at the same rate as others or because of my difficulties with social expectation. Difficulty is not the same thing as deficit. How does one become the other? It seems to me to be a societal failure and one we all contribute to, however unwittingly. The good news is that we are the ones who can change this." p 102
• 
  Mark

  Some of the tips, advice and pointers on friendship seemed a bit simplistic and/or obvious (and so maybe not very useful or insightful), but I was struck by the following quote (page 132):
  
  "Forgive the analogy, but often people are like flies with sticky legs. They buzz around life collating information. This seems to stick to them and they have little difficulty accessing it. They can offload their knowledge, sort it, put it all together arranged and know what they feel, what they need, what they would like, and more importantly, they know how to use that information appropriately ..."